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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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almost home
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@sestrae
#SESTRAE — independent , private , and mutually exclusive yelena belova. mixed canon. inspiration pulled heavily from the recent black widow movie. duplicate friendly ! as loved by astra ( she/her , 25+ ). BW SPOILERS TAGGED UNTIL EARLY SEPTEMBER.
CARRD. PROMO. MEME TAG. GRAPHIC CRED.
i’m still a believer and i don’t know why … i’ve never been a natural all i do is try , try , try. / independent , private multi muse. featuring canon and original characters. as loved by astra.
honey , you’re a goddamn wildfire … you choose who you burn.
— LIKE THIS FOR A SMALL STARTER !
did my finger slip? yes. am i still setting shit up? also yes.
me: no more blogs me: or you could finally release bobbi to the public me: or make kate bishop me: or make poison ivy me: or remake the one everyone hates me: OR JUST USE YOUR FUCKING MULTI, YOU DINGUS.
MOON DUST IN YOUR LUNGS, stars in your eyes, you are a child of the cosmos, A RULER OF THE SKIES. (flown by trick 21+)
* 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐁𝐘 𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀 𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐎 . lyric starters from sour, change pronouns as needed.
𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐥 .
❛ i want it to be , like , messy . ❜ ❛ i’m so insecure . ❜ ❛ i’m so caught up in the news of who likes me and who hates you . ❜ ❛ they’d all be so disappointed . ❜ ❛ where’s my fucking teenage dream ? ❜ ❛ i don't stick up for myself . ❜ ❛ i'm anxious and nothing can help . ❜ ❛ i wish people liked me more . ❜ ❛ all i did was try my best . ❜ ❛ this the kind of thanks i get ? ❜ ❛ i wish i could disappear . ❜ ❛ god , it’s brutal out here . ❜ ❛ i feel like no one wants me . ❜ ❛ i only have two real friends . ❜
𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫 .
❛ i played dumb but i always knew . ❜ ❛ i kept quiet so i could keep you . ❜ ❛ ain’t it funny how you said you were friends ? ❜ ❛ you betrayed me . ❜ ❛ i know that you’ll never feel sorry . ❜ ❛ loved you at your worst but that didn’t matter . ❜ ❛ but you’re still a traitor . ❜ ❛ there’s no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly . ❜ ❛ and you told me i was paranoid . ❜ ❛ i wish that you had thought this through before i went and fell in love with you . ❜
𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 .
❛ i got my driver's license last week . ❜ ❛ she’s everything i’m insecure about . ❜ ❛ how could i ever love someone else ? ❜ ❛ i know we weren’t perfect but i’ve never felt this way for no one . ❜ ❛ i just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that i’m gone . ❜ ❛ all my friends are tired of hearing how much i miss you . ❜ ❛ i kinda feel sorry for them . ❜ ❛ they’ll never know you the way that i do . ❜ ❛ i guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me . ❜ ❛ i still see your face in the white cars . ❜ ❛ can’t drive past the places we used to go to . ❜ ❛ i still fuckin’ love you . ❜ ❛ i still hear your voice in the traffic . ❜ ❛ you said forever . ❜ ❛ now i drive alone past your street . ❜
𝟏 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝟑 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 .
❛ i called you on the phone today . ❜ ❛ all i did was speak normally . ❜ ❛ somehow i still struck a nerve . ❜ ❛ you got me fucked up in the head . ❜ ❛ never doubted myself so much . ❜ ❛ like am i pretty ? ❜ ❛ i hate that i give you power over that kinda stuff . ❜ ❛ it’s always one step forward and three steps back . ❜ ❛ i’m the love of your life until i make you mad . ❜ ❛ do you love me , want me , hate me ? ❜ ❛ no, i don’t understand . ❜ ❛ maybe in some masochistic way i kind of find it all exciting . ❜ ❛ which lover will i get today ? ❜ ❛ will you walk me to the door or send me home crying ? ❜ ❛ did i say something wrong ? ❜ ❛ did i do something wrong ? ❜ ❛ maybe this is all your fault instead . ❜ ❛ i’d leave you, but the rollercoaster’s all i’ve ever had . ❜
𝐝𝐞𝐣𝐚 𝐯𝐮 .
❛ i bet she’s braggin’ to all her friends . ❜ ❛ so when you gonna tell her that we did that , too ? ❜ ❛ she thinks it’s special, but it’s all reused . ❜ ❛ do you call her , almost say my name ? ❜ ❛ that was our place . ❜ ❛ i found it first . ❜ ❛ do you get déjà vu ? ❜ ❛ let’s be honest , we kinda do sound the same . ❜ ❛ i hate to think that i was just your type . ❜ ❛ that was the show we talked about . ❜ ❛ don’t act like we didn’t do that shit , too . ❜ ❛ a different girl now, but there’s nothing new . ❜
𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝟒 𝐮 .
❛ well , good for you . ❜ ❛ i guess you moved on really easily . ❜ ❛ remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world ? ❜ ❛ you look happy and healthy . ❜ ❛ not me , if you ever cared to ask . ❜ ❛ you’re doin’ great out there without me . ❜ ❛ god , i wish that i could do that . ❜ ❛ i’ve lost my mind . ❜ ❛ i’ve spent the night cryin’ on the floor of my bathroom . ❜ ❛ you’re so unaffected . ❜ ❛ i really don’t get it . ❜ ❛ i guess you’re gettin’ everything you want . ❜ ❛ it’s like we never even happened . ❜ ❛ what the fuck is up with that ? ❜ ❛ it’s like you never even met me . ❜ ❛ remember when you swore to god i was the only person who ever got you ? ❜ ❛ you will never have to hurt the way you know that i do . ❜ ❛ maybe i’m too emotional . ❜ ❛ your apathy’s like a wound in salt . ❜ ❛ maybe you never cared at all . ❜
𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 .
❛ ‘cause i thought you’d like me more . ❜ ❛ tried so hard to be everything that you liked . ❜ ❛ stupid , emotional , obsessive little me . ❜ ❛ i knew from the start this is exactly how you’d leave . ❜ ❛ the nеxt second, you were gone . ❜ ❛ you left me there crying . ❜ ❛ you always say i’m never satisfied . ❜ ❛ but i don’t think that’s true . ❜ ❛ all i ever wanted was to be enough for you . ❜ ❛ maybe i’m just not as interesting . ❜ ❛ you couldn’t have cared less about someone who loved you more . ❜ ❛ i’d say you broke my heart . ❜ ❛ but you broke much more than that . ❜ ❛ now i don’t want your sympathy . ❜ ❛ i just want myself back . ❜ ❛ don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded ? ❜ ❛ don’t you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing ? ❜ ❛ don’t tell me you’re sorry . ❜ ❛ feel sorry for yourself . ❜ ❛ someday i’ll be everything to somebody else . ❜ ❛ you’ll be the one who’s crying . ❜ ❛ i don’t think anything could ever be enough for you . ❜
𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫 .
❛ i thought my heart was detached . ❜ ❛ does she mean you forgot about me ? ❜ ❛ i hope you’re happy but not like how you were with me . ❜ ❛ i’m selfish, i know . ❜ ❛ i hope you’re happy . ❜ ❛ but don’t be happier . ❜ ❛ an eternal love bullshit you know you’ll never mean . ❜ ❛ now i’m pickin’ her apart . ❜ ❛ i wish you all the best , really . ❜ ❛ i hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier . ❜
𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲, 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲 .
❛ i kinda wanna throw my phone across the room . ❜ ❛ wish i didn’t care . ❜ ❛ i know their beauty’s not my lack . ❜ ❛ It feels like that weight is on my back . ❜ ❛ i can’t let it go . ❜ ❛ comparison is killing me slowly . ❜ ❛ i think i think too much . ❜ ❛ i’m so sick of myself . ❜ ❛ i’d rather be anyone else . ❜ ❛ my jealousy started following me . ❜ ❛ i see everyone getting all the things i want . ❜ ❛ i’m happy for them, but then again, i’m not . ❜ ❛ i can’t stand it . ❜ ❛ oh god , i sound crazy . ❜ ❛ their win is not my loss . ❜ ❛ i can’t help getting caught up in it all . ❜ ❛ all your friends are so cool . ❜ ❛ yeah, you’re living the life . ❜ ❛ i wanna be you so bad . ❜ ❛ i don’t even know you . ❜ ❛ all i see is what i should be . ❜
𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞 .
❛ know that i loved you so bad . ❜ ❛ i let you treat me like that . ❜ ❛ i was your willing accomplice . ❜ ❛ i watched as you fled the scene . ❜ ❛ the things i did just so i could call you mine . ❜ ❛ i hope i was your favorite crime . ❜ ❛ you used me as an alibi . ❜ ❛ i crossed my heart as you crossed the line . ❜ ❛ i defended you to all my friends . ❜ ❛ you know that i’d do it all again . ❜ ❛ it’s bittersweet to think about the damage that we’d do . ❜ ❛ i was doin’ it with you . ❜ ❛ i say that i hate you with a smile on my face . ❜ ❛ look what we became . ❜
𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐤 .
❛ somehow we fell out of touch . ❜ ❛ hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush . ❜ ❛ don’t know if i’ll see you again someday . ❜ ❛ i hope that you’re okay . ❜ ❛ we don’t talk much . ❜ ❛ i just gotta say i miss you . ❜ ❛ address the letters to the holes in my butterfly wings . ❜ ❛ nothing’s forever . ❜ ❛ nothing’s as good as it seems . ❜ ❛ i hope you know how proud i am you were created . ❜ ❛ i hope that you’re happier today . ❜
𝖳𝖠𝖱𝖦𝖤𝖳 𝖨𝖣𝖤𝖭𝖳𝖨𝖥𝖨𝖤𝖣. [ ... ] mutually exclusive yelena belova. as loved by astra. ©
— LIKE THIS FOR A SMALL STARTER !
⟡1K CELEBRATION⟡
↳ color palette meme (@nancybycrs requested : rosapt1 + yelena)
FLORENCE PUGH As Yelena Belova in Black Widow (2021).
@gloryguarded said: “ i never let myself be alone long enough to think about it. ”
dark days ... when all that had kept her going was the passing of thoughts. who would she be if she could be anyone. how different could their live be if they never left ohio. the endless parade OF WHAT IFS AND COULD HAVE BEENS. and worse than that — wishes. one that only gave way to shattered heart every time. crushing blow of reality never got easier. no matter how much she prepared for the break .. it hurt all the same.
“ hm. ” uninterested is half her answer. given with a shrug of shoulders that won’t tell of nerves burning in her chest. what was that like ? not thinking about all the lives that never got lived. “ that must’ve been easy in prison. ” IT FEELS LIKE A CHEAP SHOT. spat from her tongue , in place of a joke about not having any alone time. but all she wants to know — what was it like to not be trapped in the cage of one’s own mind ?
these are officially my two favorite icons. bye.
» black widow movie quotes.
PART TWO.
“ move to the door on the south wall. ” “ just don’t make a scene. ” “ you made a scene, didn’t you? ” “ move your ass, super soldier. ” “ what are you doing? Are you kidding me? ” “ we’re both doing a really good job. ” “ this would be a cool way to die. ” “ why the aggression, huh? ” “ you don’t have to get so clinical and nasty. ” “ it means so much to me that you came back for me. ” “ can we throw him out the window now? ” “ i think we should wait till we get to a higher altitude. ” “ i swear, if I hear one more word from him, I will kick him in the face. ” “ what is with this tension? did I do something wrong? ” “ no one can match your efficiency, your ruthlessness. ” “ you both have killed so many people. ” “ you smell really bad. ” “ if you got soft, it wasn’t on my watch. ” “ i didn’t say anything. that’s not fair. ” “ you can’t defeat a man who commands the very will of others. ” “ you named a pig after me? ” “ the world functions on a higher level when it is controlled. ” “ our family was never real, so there’s nothing to hold on to. ” “ please don’t say that. it was real. ” “ the best part of my life was fake. and none of you told me. ” “ i came in here because I didn’t want to talk. ” “ i wish I could believe that you cared. ” “ you were selected by a program that assessed the genetic potential in infants. ” “ i believe a bargain was struck, your family paid off. ” “ i’ve always found it best not to look into the past. ” “ tell me, how did you keep your heart? ” “ this is a much less cool way to die. ” “ you have a two-inch blade concealed in your beltline. ” “ is this your haunted past? ” “ you just sent away the one thing that would stop me from killing you. ” “ how are you controlling me? ” “ when was the last time that you had a conversation with somebody that wasn’t forced to talk to you? ” “ if I don’t tell you when to stop, then how will you know when to shut up? ” “ come on, think i can’t take a punch? ” “ you seem desperate to impress me. ” “ thank you for your cooperation. ” “ slight change of plan. i completely demolished one of the engines and we are going into a controlled crash. ” “ you get to make your own choices now. ” “ i am clearly injured. ” “ okay, well, if you’re leaving, then I guess you should take this. ” “ you came back for us? ” “ you ever not sleep? ” “ you see what i can get you with a bit of time and money? ” “ you’ve always been a really good friend to me. ” “ you’re not supposed to be bothering me on my holiday time. ” “ coming here makes you look desperate. ” “ i want a raise. ” “ i’ve got your next target. ” “ maybe you’d like a shot at the man responsible for your sister’s death. ”
@ineij said : “ you chip away the old version of you, you’d be surprised at what you can do.”
“ is that what you think you’re doing ? ” bitter tone rolls from her tongue. there’s an unspoken fear sitting in the air. pressed against white teeth , sharpened into fangs. TWO TRAINED KILLERS. women raised in the art of destruction. be it to single persons standing in the way. or empires that had long overstayed a welcome. there was nothing they could not bring to the end of days. and yet ... she questions motives. hesitates if honesty is what was being shared. or maybe cutting inej’s words down , minimizing their impact is only power move she has left. anything else gives too much to the vulnerable muscle pounding away at trembled ribcage. “ ho — how do you know what is the old you ? ”
THE OLD VERSION ... rotting beneath the skin. she’s lost her fight. any screaming and begging to be set free died years ago. it’s nice to think she has found her sense of peace. a happy place tucked on quiet street corners in ohio. driving around in daddy’s truck. singing at the top of burning lungs. that’s the only old version worth remembering. an innocence that will never be won back. no matter how much can be undone — the blood stains don’t wash away.
crack in protective shell. immediately rises the urge to hide within herself. to not be seen under the careful gaze that is looking too far into her. AN ECHO OF SHARED EXPERIENCE. “ i look and ... i don’t see me. i see what they made me. what if all we are underneath is the red room , hm ? ”
Yelena Belova + text posts
