Finally Breathing

An anonymous blog dedicated to my journey of healing from a string of narcissists, their enablers, and emotional abusers.  Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother, Enabling/Emotionally Abusive Step-Father.  String of "Friends" who ended up being abusive or narcissistic.  I was doomed to fail from the beginning.

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It is, at the very least, TOXIC if not ABUSIVE to sit there and tell a survivor that their abuser was justified in their abusive actions.

- It doesn't matter if you can "understand the abuser's side", you are invalidating trauma to try and impose that upon the survivor.

- It doesn't matter if the abuser has never abused you. Just because you haven't experienced the abuser's toxicity yourself doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

- Don't you dare try to compare the situation of abuse to something else in an attempt to humanize the abuser.

Listen to survivors. Support survivors. Believe SURVIVORS, not the lies of a masked monster.

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This is true.

The moment I dissented, I was punished with silent treatment, verbal abuse, stone walling, gas lighting, and more.

And when I cut him off, he then began his smear campaign.

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I’m fucked if I defend myself.

I’m fucked if I don’t. 7 months. Why won’t you let us go? How many more people am I going to lose? I’ve lost so many already, and your little echo chamber just blindly believes everything you spout. They’re not asking to see if, maybe, just maybe, things aren’t as they seem. You play the victim so well that you should carry around your own body chalk. What will satisfy you? When you finally drive someone to suicide, will that be enough? Your power only reaches as far as your influence does - and though that seems big, now, it really is as small as your intelligence. You’re pathetic. Disgusting. You’re the one who came crawling back, begging for us to let you back into our lives. Yet you say we’re evil, horrible people. Who’s begging now? Just let me move on, dude. Let us live our lives. I let you go with grace. I have kept so much locked up inside of me, whereas you used every secret I ever told you to damage my reputation. You are a liar and a pathetic man. I hope you are able to have the foundational shift that redeems you, but I won’t be around to see it. I never believed your mask of “change” anyway.

Go back to your pathetic theatrical life, forever attempting to fill it with meaningless things. Let me go. Quit trying to hold onto us with one hand while simultaneously trashing our reputations on the other. We see your games, and we have removed ourselves from the play.

Eventually, you’ll scare your echo chamber away, too, and then you’ll feel as alone as you truly are. Imagine thinking you are justified in being angry that the people you mistreated don’t want you back, and then daring to try and minimize what you did to make you seem like the victim.

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It’s been almost six months since I cut you off, yet you still are trying to slander my name, my husband’s name, my friends’, our reputations, all because they are associated with me. You blew up when I told you I needed space, I needed boundaries, because that was an affront to who you are and what you believe you are entitled to. I do not belong to you. So, yeah. Go ahead and twist my words around. Make me out to be the bad guy. Turn all of my friends and family against me with your blatant lies. Most people aren’t smart enough to do the homework to find out that there’s no truth to your act. Most people would rather support the abuser than the victim - because the bruises here aren’t visible. But those who are truth-bringers, light-givers – they see you for what you are. Narcissist. Malignant. Evil. Despicable. And they see me for what I am. A victim. Survivor. And done with your behavior.