”So do I..” She tries to contain her smile, doing so by biting down on her lip. She shakes her head, giving his shoulder a light push. "I don't know how you can say that with a straight face, really. Admirable."
The seventeen year old brunette was clearly surprised, baffled even, at the appearance of her sister. Seukhye received a call earlier from her, who blatantly lied and told her that she wouldn’t be able to make it due to delayed flights from England to South Korea.
Devastated would be an understatement to what she felt upon hearing the news. Seukhye isolated herself from everyone at school ever since she transferred from being homeschooled during her first year of high school. It wasn’t that she found it difficult to make friends; she just didn’t put any effort, nor wanted to. Her parents weren’t around, and if they were, Seukhye already knows an excuse would be brewed for not being able to spend time with her on her birthday.
Her brother, on the other hand, had made it clear months ago that he wouldn’t be able to make it because it was his daughter’s birthday, and apparently he can’t find the time to drop by—he lives thirty minutes away—and greet his own little sister.
The only person Seukhye had was her sister, Junhee, and yet they still took her away.
◆◇◆◇
January 28, 2013 11:30 PM
The loud tapping of rain drops on the windowpane followed up by a strong gust of wind were the only noise keeping the dark room from being enveloped in complete silence. The nineteen year old paced around her room, head hung low and fingernails caught between teeth as she bites on them anxiously, a habit of hers.
The house was empty excluding for herself. It’s always been ever since his brother moved out and her sister passed away. She didn’t matter anymore, though it’s not like she ever did. Suekhye knows for sure that if not for her father’s company’s current struggle, she wouldn’t have been sought for any significance in the household.
Despite the distracting noise from outside, all Seukhye could hear was the loud pounding of her heart, as if ready to break free from her ribcage and jump out of her window. Her hands were shaking— no, trembling. How would she do this? Does she really want to do it? It’s a loss cause, her life. She’s done it twice and failed at both, thus making this her third attempt. The memory was vague, but she still knows how she had felt back then: similar to what she’s feeling now.
It’s just a phase. She’d tell herself, laugh at how such thoughts would come across her mind, then brush it off until the same thought occcurs again, then again and again. Seukhye came to realize after attempting to take her own life the first time, that the only laughable thing was the fact no one in her family has a clue on what’s been going on with her. No one. At least that’s what she thought at first.
She remembers hearing the loud crash of a vase, shattered pieces spread on the floor and some on her bleeding foot, but the biggest shard was clenched in her dripping fist, her thoughts nowhere near the pain but rather at the missed opportunity.
She hated herself for being a huge coward. She hated how much she values life and at the same time hate it to the point she had considered and attempted on ending it herself. She hated being surrounded by people all the time yet felt lonely, as if she has no one other than herself. Herself, who threw nothing but daggers of insecurities, smashed all windows of opportunities and slammed all the doors that welcomed warmth from people whom had numerous times tried to pick the lock.
The bottled up anger was enough, but her lack of will had always kept her from doing what she's thought of several times already. Seukhye hated her father enough to have the thought of shooting herself before his eyes circle around her head, but a part of her knows it wouldn't be a big deal for him, which is why she waited for this moment. The moment where a business meeting is soon to take place in his office, where a number of people would witness such a traumatizing event, where everyone's view of him will change.
That was the idea; that was the plan. But like all things she previously attempted, this one ended up in failure. It didn't occur to her that her parents would visit her sister's grave that day. Of course, it's her third death anniversary anyway. Of course, the meeting would be cancelled. Of course.
One thing that always scared her was the dark jealousy buried deep in herself. She knows of its existence, but she refuses to acknowledge it. Even though she made it seem like she accepted the fact that her parents blatantly admitted and treated her like the mistake she is, Seukhye is still a child after all. Her personal and professional life were threaded so closely that she found it hard to determine which is which. Was she treated badly for her poor performance, or was it because she wasn't being an ideal daughter? Seukhye didn't know, nor did she want to.
Jealousy is a disease: dangerous, painful, and causes one to function poorly. Every year she expects a change, only to be let down, more and more each year. She disliked the thoughts that would cross her mind whenever it's her sister's birthday. It's not the presents- she gets those at least- but their presence. Even now, for three years straight they haven't missed a single day of visit, and yet they couldn't make just one of her birthdays. It was unfair to think that way. Rather, it wasn't right.
She'd been reprimanded for Junhee's death, and she doesn't need anyone, more over her parents, to remind her that.
January 29, 2013 12:01AM
Silence followed the sound of a gunshot that resonated around the room.
Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc --
The second attempt.
◆◇◆◇
January 28, 2010 10:47 PM
“I'm sorry...”
She found herself dragged on one of the seats in the waiting room, forced to sit out in the silence, with nothing to hear aside from the pacing steps of her father accompanied by the slow ticking of the wall clock. She knows it wasn't her fault, but the guilt was, and always wll be there. If she didn't complain about not wanting to be alone, her sister wouldn't have come, and this wouldn't have happened. If only.
The sound of her mother's violent cries and bawling pulled her back to reality; To the reality where her sister ceased to exist again. They stayed in the hospital til midnight came. And for the first time in seventeen years, there was no one left to greet her a happy birthday.
"I don’t know if I should buy her another present. I’m broke again. I mean I did get her a huge Christmas present but maybe I should just walk in her apartment with a cake and announce that my presence is my gift to her again. But then her cats might attack me. I bet she trained them to become evil minions. I could charm them though like which cat is able to resist me?! What do you get for evil model midgets anyway… hair ties? Pink insoles? Jeez I still can’t believe she asked Sulli that question though forget it I ain’t getting her nothing."
I love you. I still don’t know if I’m allowed to say that without making you feel uncomfortable or something but I do. It’s your birthday and I hope you get to spend it exactly how you want to. ( Hint hint: also with me. ) I got you something because I got paid and also you deserve it. I would also like to let it be known that I had little to no help picking these out. You should be proud of me. Happy Birthday, love. Can’t wait for our amusement park date later.
x — Wear it wisely. Let everyone know you have good taste in biases by wearing the jersey that belongs to the lanky dorky one.
x — I thought of you and felt like you sort of really needed this.
x — Maybe this one is a little selfish and more about me than it is about you but can’t say I’m sorry about it.
x — I just thought this was super cute.
x — Because this is the coolest thing that exists and I love cats.
"Hey hey no need for this inhumane violence, I thought you missed me?" Cocking a brow and nudging her shoulder with his, he ruffles the pup’s fur though his nose turns up at the sight of the bobble hat. "I knew it had to be yours when I saw it but—at least when you’re with me can she not wear that? But… I’m better now yeah, imploded a few times which is why I absconded but it’s fine I guess, how about you though?"
"I did." For good measures, she hits his shoulder again. "Tough love, as they say." Seukhye gives him a look, gently petting the pup's head with a small pout. "No. It's cute. It stays. Why, are you too badass for pink?" She raised a brow. "Yeah? That's good. Not that you imploded, but that you're fine now. You know what I mean. " She chuckled. "I'm doing great. It's been nice lately. I got a better paycheck, so that's been my motivation."
"Good! I’m sure you’ll come up with something a little… off hand, cute nonetheless. Carry her around in a spiked death bag and you’ll fit right into the Moscow scene." With a crinkle of his nose, a dry chuckle parting his lips, he pats her head, that ever so arrogant smirk resurfacing on his expression.
"I'm not sure if I should take that as an insult or a compliment, but I'll thank you either way." She quirked a brow upon hearing his words, a light chuckle left her lips after. "I reckon that's what you do, isn't it? Go about with a pup in your bag? You seem like the type to, anyway." With a grin, she gently hit his arm. "So, how have you been?"
A form of hesitation was made as she told him to stand still. It caught him by surprise to see her take off her scarf only to drop a piece of ice onto it and tend his bruise. Though it was a small gesture of kindness, he was reminded of his adolescent years where his sister had done the same type of acts. Nathaniel drew a small smile on his face and patted the girl’s head.
”Thanks.” He replies, holding her scarf still against the area under his eye. “You really didn’t have to, you know.”
Seukhye normally wouldn't care. In fact, given her tendencies, an insult would have been the first to come out of her lips, but she couldn't stand how that ugly bruise manipulated his physique. She took the situation as if a mangaka used the wrong brush stroke on one of her favorite's character's eyes. Although a girl-patterned pink scarf looked a tad bit silly, it was better than his face's previous state.
"Don't mention it. Just doing everyone who have eyes a favor." She joked, grinning. "Besides, it's not like my assistance is free. You'll either have to do some labor or-" She rubs her thumb and finger together. "-cash. Maybe coffee. I could use a cup of coffee. The looks people would give you is a plus."
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