@severalfriends - Tumblr Blog

Personal Note: Final Clarification

To my former romantic interest: This message is to inform you clearly that I am no longer pursuing you romantically and will not be responding to any future communication.

I am writing this because I need to acknowledge the harm I caused to my fiancée through my behavior toward you over the past years. Even after beginning my relationship with her, I continued maintaining contact with you in ways that were disrespectful to her. I kept a separate blog solely for reaching you, sent you messages without mentioning her existence, and even asked you questions during our dating period using activities she had chosen for us to share together.

My fiancée has been patient and understanding while I struggled to fully let go of my past attachment to you. She sought help from a therapist to better understand my behavior, and her friends from your cultural background helped me see how my actions affected both of you. The prolonged ambiguity I maintained was unfair to her, and she deserved better from the beginning.

After much reflection with my fiancée's support, I realize that my continued contact with you—even after claiming to end my romantic pursuit—was dishonest to her and disrespectful to our relationship. This includes the messages I sent circumventing your block, the factual question I posed to you, and the farewell letter where I barely mentioned her.

I am writing now to make absolutely clear: I will not be responding to any messages from you, should you choose to reach out. This decision is final and is necessary for me to honor my commitment to my fiancée and our relationship.

I apologize for any confusion my previous unclear messages may have caused, but I will not be engaging in further correspondence.

This matter is now closed.

I think it really is one of the worst things you can do wrong in a relationship to hint at other people behind your love's back, to nurture clear or unclear relationships with others, no matter how serious you are about them. There are also a lot of arrangements where doing this openly and with consent is also very harmful, maybe I'll say more on that some time. But the trust you lose by doing this in secret is really extremely difficult to win back. It shows so much that you're not taking your love seriously, that you're acting selfishly and not taking your lover's well-being seriously. You can fall for the fallacy that you are doing them a favor by protecting them from the truth about an infidelity, that you are saving the relationship by keeping a not-so-serious affair secret, something you're sure will never be. In reality, however, it shows manipulative and disrespectful treatment of this person. It's quite clear that you do not really love a person if you act like this towards them. Not to mention the aggressions you risk causing between the people you treat this way.