She was his and he was hers.

This blog is no longer being updated, but feel free to read as you please.

[severusloveslily]

End of blog.

Hello to all our followers and whoever keeps up with our pages. 

I never thought I would have to write these words, but our blogs are retired. My partner and everything has unexpectedly and tragically passed away, and the thought of continuing this without her is unfathomable. 

Both blogs will remain public but they will not be updated after this. 

Hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight and remind them you love them. 

Thanks for all the support, messages, ideas, etc. over the years. 

xo

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

“It was a lot.”

Lily stared at Doe intently over the rim of her glass of wine, “Where was it?”

“The back of his shirt.”

She was thankful that Doe had decided to speak to her about this whilst they were alone. That wasn’t something that the others needed to hear about it, because they’d undoubtedly find a way to use it against him. She knew that she was behaving favourably towards him, but that didn’t mean that she’d truly forgiven him for everything. She had just become tired of living in a toxic environment. That and, well, she wanted to trust that Dumbledore had good reason to trust him.

“Did he appear to be in pain?”

Doe shrugged, “I’m not sure that I’d be able to tell when it comes to him, Lil.”

Hesitantly, she moved to put her glass down. “I should go and see if he…”

“That’s probably not the best idea.” Doe reached out, taking hold of her arm, “He made it clear to me that it was fine.” She widened her eyes slightly, clearly trying to pass on that her going to help him may not be the best idea. Everyone was there, her absence would probably be noticed. Yet, she didn’t find herself caring. 

“I’d do the same for anyone here,” she finally responded, whilst gently tugging her arm away from Doe. “If I annoy him, then so be it.” 

She moved to walk out of the room, headed over to the stairs, hesitating for a short moment. She then glanced towards the busy kitchen, hearing the quiet hum of chatter. She watched as Doe emerged from the lounge, arching a brow at her. She knew, that Doe knew, that he was most likely just going to either ignore her knocking or reject her help too. However, she was going to try. She didn’t like the thought of someone being hurt, and having to hide it.

He’d done enough of that over the years. He’d suffered in silence for such a long time when they were kids, only she had truly known of the horrors of that house he’d grown up in. No tweleve year old child should have to defend their Mother from being beaten up, or their best friend from nearly being assaulted. He had lived through trauma that not one person at that table downstairs could claim. She knew that it was the root of why he’d become what he’d become, but perhaps, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps, he truly was seeing clearly now. 

It wasn’t long before she was stood outside of his door, knocking, wondering if he’d respond. “Severus?” She took a small step back and waited for a few moments, before then knocking again. “It’s Lily.” As if he didn’t know. He was probably wondering what the hell she was doing knocking on his bedroom door at this time. To be honest, she was wondering a little, as to what she was doing here and why. She wasn’t just going to play the good samaritan for the sake of it. It felt important. As much as she wished that it would be easy for her to ice him out of her life again, it wouldn’t be. She had been a somewhat immature, serious grudge-holding kid when they’d first fallen out. He’d deserved it, yes, but a small part of her couldn’t help but feel guilt for the outcome of his life thus far.

The door opened, which startled her, “Oh! I just came to see if you were okay.” She paused for a second, before then clarifying her intentions for being there, “Doe mentioned that something… She seemed concerned that something had happened. If you need help, I can help.”

- - -

Severus stared down at her, unsure what he was feeling in his stomach. Embarrassment? Shame? Guilt? Maybe a mixture. Why had Dorcas said anything? This was precisely why he hadn’t wanted to run into anyone. This was why he did his own laundry. The blood hadn’t even come out all the way, he’d still had to use a spell. 

“I’m okay,” Severus said quietly, tiredly. He wasn’t. He never was. He was tired of pretending that he was. Why was she even there? Why did she care?

It was so difficult to be around her. It was almost worse when she was being kind to him, because it reminded him of how nice it had been to have her in his life. It reminded him of everything he’d lost. 

Severus took a small step back and flinched a bit as she started to reach out to touch him. He looked away from her in shame and blushed fiercely. “I said I’m okay, Lily,” he said softly, unable to look her in the eye. What could he say to her? He wasn’t there for a pity party. He kept to himself because he didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. He was dealing with the consequences of his actions, and that wasn’t anyone else’s business. 

“You don’t want to see it,” he muttered. “I healed it fine. It’s fine,” he said. He couldn’t find it in himself to kick her out. He cherished every moment he had with her, because he never knew when she’d go away again. He never wanted her to go away. This reminded him of when she’d figure out he’d been using his mum’s makeup to cover his bruising, then he’d break down crying in her arms. He was hanging by a thread in the moment. His throat was already tight. 

Severus sighed shakily and slowly unbuttoned his shirt as she shut the door behind her. He carefully let it fall from his shoulders. On his chest, there were many scars, both healed and fresh. His back was much worse. What was healed was sinewy and discoloured, and what wasn’t was scabbed over and bruised darkly. He had marks and bruises down his arms, to his stomach, and further below. He didn’t want her to investigate further, because she’d be horrified. There were days where he could hardly walk, where he couldn’t even sit, use the bathroom, anything. 

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said, his voice wavering and weak. “Insane people don’t need a reason to do things. He gets off on it. It reminds us that we’re weak and he’s strong. That whatever he’s given us, he can take it away,” he explained. 

Severus sniffled as he caught the horrified look on her face. He shook his head and really did try to resist crying, but he couldn’t. She was always his undoing. He hung his head and broke down into tears, his body shaking with how upset he was. He was just tired, delusional, and emotional. It wasn’t even the physical pain at this point. 

“Please,” he whispered as she stepped closer to him. He sobbed against her, leaning down to rest his forehead against her shoulder, just as he’d done when they were younger. Severus brought his long arms to wrap around her and he just clutched onto her body. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. He didn’t have time to cry. Everything was bubbling up for him, everything to do with her; all the remorse, fear, and pain that was associated with their history together. 

“I don’t want to be this way,” he whispered through his tears. “I’m trying so hard, but I’m so scared...”

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

Lily watched them closely, wondering how on earth he was such a natural. How. She smiled to herself, before then catching herself. She moved to stand up as they then slowly made their way back over to her.

“Did you have fun, sweetheart?” She knelt down, moving to adjust her baby’s jacket, before then moving to pick him up. He settled onto her hip, tiredly resting his head on her shoulder. She looked at Severus, still thinking about what he’d said. 

The entire situation was difficult. 

She still held such a great deal of pain from that time, from losing him. Yes, she had walked away, but that had not been an easy decision to make. It wasn’t as if she’d walked away and immediately forgotten everything that they’d been through. It wasn’t as if she’d put her wand to her head and obliviated all of the memories that they’d made as friends. It had hurt so deeply, and still did. Her initial anger was understandable. Now? She just felt frustrated. Here he was, swanning in and out of both camps. If everything was true, he was risking an awful lot. They were all putting ther lives on the line, but his supposed betrayal did that tenfold. 

“Sebrus.”

Harry said, waving as they walked out of the playground. “Seb!”

“He’s obsessed,” she laughed, shaking her head. James would shit a brick if he witnessed this. However, he wouldn’t. And honestly, if he did, who cared? She didn’t. She had been watching him like a hawk, and had only ever felt safer with him there alongside her. That wasn’t at all what her husband would want to hear, but it was the truth. 

“That house is driving me mad,” she admitted, “I know that it must feel different for you, but… We did have a home. It wasn’t much, but it didn’t feel quite so claustrophobic. I love everyone, dearly, but it’s becoming too… close.” 

It was overwhelming being around everyone all the time. That and, the sheer amount of time that she was spending in close proximity to her husband was also suffocating her. They’d had more space before. He’d been able to go out and do his own thing, and likewise. There was only so much of James that was tolerable for so long, even he could admit to that. It was definitely wearing on them. However, that had felt inevitable. She loved James, but rushing into a marriage whilst teeangers and then later on having a baby in the middle of a war had been downright terrible decisions to have made. Although, of course, Harry was her entire world. She’d do anything for him now. 

They soon arrived back to Grimmauld Place, and were watching as Headquarters reappeared to them.

“Isn’t it strange that… well, we’re here now? We would never have imagined being caught up in all of this. We had never envisioned our world turning quite so sour. You were always surprisingly positive about everything, until you weren’t.”  It hadn’t happened immediately, but she’d seen such a change in him during their friendship. Yes, that had all been a contributor to the downfall of everything, but she hadn’t wanted for it to be. She had wanted to help him, to stop him from being friends with that lot; but then there had been the issue of her friends. It had been a shit-show, quite frankly. However, they were both grown-ups now. She liked to think that she was capable of thinking far more rationally, even if her judgement was understandably a little clouded when ti came to him.

- - -

“That’s a good way of putting it,” Severus said softly. “Everything was good until it wasn’t.”

She was completely right though. Things had just been hard for him. There were some things he went through that she didn’t even know about, both at Hogwarts and with his parents. He had been overwhelmed and ashamed. And she always felt so upset when he’d get hurt, he hadn’t wanted to hurt her. He had dealt with a lot on his own, and that was a mistake. He should have asked for help. It had been too late when he finally did. 

“Thank you for today,” he said before they walked inside. “It has been a highlight in what feels like an eternity of darkness,” he sighed. “I hope you and Harry have a good rest of your day. I have to do some work,” he said. “But this was the respite I needed for a brief moment,” he added. 

She had put it perfectly. How had they ended up here?

- - -

Severus stiffly walked to the shared washing machine, which was charmed to do things a bit faster due to all the occupants in the house. He usually cleaned his clothes magically, but he just needed to properly wash them this time. He wanted every remnant of his week expunged. 

“Oh, hey,” Dorcas smiled as she looked at him. “I was just moving my stuff over to the dryer. You need the washer?”

“Yes,” Severus said tensely. He hesitated, not wanting to do this in front of her. “I’ll wait until your finished or I can come back in a few minutes.”

“Nonsense,” Dorcas laughed, waving her hand dismissively. “You have to get in when you can. It’s like a bloodbath over here,” she said lightheartedly. “Here, I can do it for you, if you want? I don’t mind.”

“It’s alright,” Severus said. He was still waiting, his arm protectively over his hamper. 

Dorcas gestured to the washer. “Okay. Then by all means.”

Severus shifted uncomfortably, before he just dumped his clothes in there, hoping for the best. However, Dorcas, with her annoying eagle eye, frowned and reached into the bin. She pulled out a shirt that was stained dark with patches of blood. She pulled out another that was the same, and another. She slowly looked at him, horrified, and then concerned. “Severus? Are you...?”

“I’m fine,” he said. “Occupational hazard,” he muttered. “Don’t you bleed?”

“Yes, but...” she trailed off, feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness. “Oh, Severus,” she whispered. “I just want to give you a hug.”

“Don’t,” he whispered quickly, his expression pained. “Please don’t.”

Dorcas frowned deeper and her eyes roamed over his chest, toward his back. “Do you need any help? Can you reach the wounds? I’m trained in healing. You don’t have to do it by yourself.”

“It’s fine,” Severus said, not keeping eye contact with her. “It’s dark magic anyway,” he mumbled. Much harder to deal with. He grabbed some detergent and put it in, before starting up the washer. He didn’t say another word as he slowly retreated back to his room. He would just have to stick to washing things magically. He hated that encounter and did not want to repeat it. He just wanted a long shower and to go to bed. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

Lily couldn’t help but smile.

How?

How could she not help herself?

This was the man whom she’d played house with as a little girl. For the longest time, she had imagined her future only including him. He was going to be her husband. They were going to be the best of friends for life. That was what she had been convinced off for so long, and she had loved him so deeply, even just as a little girl.

Now? It was safe to say that everything had changed.

“You can come. James isn’t here, and it’s probably safer to have someone around. I mean, you probablu know their every movemenet. I’m certain you’ll be able to keep us out of harm’s way.” She arched a brow, before then moving to put on her shoes. Her heart was racing. James would bloody kill her. It wasn’t as if she was truly socialising with him. They were just taking her baby out for a walk, because that’s all that Harry wanted to do now. 

//

Slowly, they made their way down the street, watching her son. He was absoluely enamoured by everything that they walked past. The mere sight of a flower made him giddy, and he had to go and investigate. He was still fully finding his feet, and it was the most adorable thing. She could spend hours and hours just doing this, not worrying about anything else that was going on in their lives. 

“I’m surprised that you’re such a natural.”

She smirked, before turning to look at him, “He adores you.” For some reason. Why? What was ait about him that her child so adored? They both stopped as Harry turned, looking up between them with a giggle, before staring at and pointing to a dog that was being walked past them. 

“Doggy! Doggy!” He squealed, continuing to giggle. He stamped his little feet excitedly, before waving bye-bye to the dog and then continuing their journey. He was so sweet. He was so uncorrupted by the vile situation that they were currently in. She knew that was what was clinging in the air between them. She wanted to address it. She wanted to say something, anything, but what could she say? She was furious, still. There was very little that could be done to dwindle the anger that she felt. 

“I know that perhaps… I haven’t been entrirely fair to you.” 

She winced, not knowing if those had been the right words to use. She was just going to have to go with it. “You must understand the position that we are in, being expected to trust isn’t easy, especially when that trust has been foregone in the past.” It had to be said. 

They reached the entrance to a small playground, and oepend the gate, watching Harry as he made a beeline for the sandpit. He sat himself down and giggled, immediately playing with another toddler. They moved to sit down on one of the benches nearby,w atching him closely. She had sat as far away from his as possible, but the tension that existed between them was ever-present. She turned to look at him, “I am sorry if I have been… cruel. I don’t think that I’ve said anything that hasn’t been deserved but…” She shrugged, “That’s not me.”

- - -

Severus looked at her. It was nice to hear that from her, but it wasn’t necessary. She’d done nothing wrong. “I made my bed a long time ago, Lils,” he sighed, staring ahead at Harry. “I’m lying in it now. Or at least trying to. You don’t have to say you’re sorry or anything. I promise. I know we’re past all that,” he said. He blinked a few times, then folded his hands in his lap. “But for what it’s worth I am sorry. For everything.”

He wasn’t going to elaborate, because she knew. They both knew. He didn’t need to make this any more awkward than it already was. 

“Hey!” Harry said as he came over. “You,” he said, patting Severus’s knee. “What you called?”

Severus arched an eyebrow. “Severus.”

“Sebrus.”

“Sev - er - us.”

“Seb.”

“Close enough,” he sighed. 

“Come play, Sebrus.”

Severus felt uncomfortable with how much this child liked him. It only ever made things awkward. “Wouldn’t you rather Mummy play with you?”

“No,” Harry answered bluntly. “Come on,” he said as he grabbed his hand and began pulling him. Severus heaved himself up and went to the playground with him, helping him on whatever he wanted to do. It was sweet, honestly, and he was happy doing this. He didn’t know if Lily really felt the same, to be fair. She probably didn’t. Potter would certainly lose his shit if he ever found out about this. He hoped for all their sakes that he didn’t. Not that they were doing anything wrong, it would just be unnecessary fucking drama. 

“Wow!” Harry giggled as he held onto the chains of the baby swing Severus had put him in. He was enclosed safely in a chair so he wouldn’t fall out, but Severus was still keeping a very close eye on him. It did make him feel better, knowing a child as innocent as this could see something good in him. Children were a great judge of character, so he had to have some light left in him. Maybe he wasn’t a lost cause after all. 

“Just a little longer and we’re going to go back over to Mummy, okay, Harry?” Severus said. 

“Otay!” Harry squealed. “Again!”

Severus smirked and shook his head, before pushing him on the swing. He wished he could be carefree like this again. To be truthful... he wasn’t sure he’d ever been this carefree. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

“Were you talking to him?”

“Yes. A little.”

Lily shrugged, wincing ever so slightly; fully aware of the bruising currently developing on her body. That was what she was more concerned about, not about why it was that she’d decided not to be a complete bitch toward Severus on that occasion. To be honest, she was in pain, and it was always harder to be cruel whilst in pain. 

That and, well, she was petty but she wasn’t that petty.

//

“Mummy, I do it.”

Lily sighed, staring down at her baby boy, who was inching closer and closer to being a toddler. He was adorable, completely and utterly so. Yet, a little feisty, and stubborn as anything.

“You can’t do it yet though, Harry. Let Mummy do it.” She moved to try and put his shoe on, but he was having none of it, and grabbed the show from her hand. She groaned, watching as he then tried to put his own shoe on. Of course, it was a disaster, the boy became increasingly frustrated and ended up handing the show back to her.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” She laughed, before putting his shoe on. They ddin’t take him out paricularly often, out of sheer fear. However, she refused to keep her child holed up int his place. He needed to see what was out there. He needed to know that he was going to have a bright future, and would be able to walk about freely because of what they were doing. 

She held onto his hand as they walked down the hallway, before she carried him down the stairs. Slowly, she set him down, and watched as he made a beeline for the kitchen. He was giggling, and so he’d clearly spotted someone. Lily followed soon behind, not having expected to see what she was currently seeing.

Harry was clinging to Severus’s leg for dear life, “Mummy go.” He was gesturing with his fingers up at him in a ‘come here’ gesture. “I walk.” He let go of Severus, before then gesturing at him again, and then falling down. He was a good walker, but he got a little carried away sometimes and fell flat on his little bum. He held out his hands to Severus, which she couldn’t help but find somewhat amusing, knowing that this was quite possibly his worst nightmare come true.

“He really does like you. I don’t know what it is,” Lily laughed, not quite able to help herself. It was ironic really, wasn’t it? That her child was being far more welcoming than she was. That her baby could see some good in this man stood before them, because babies knew. She knew that he could sense something in him, which was why he’d gravitated towards him. Perhaps, there was a little something in there, a little light afterall.

- - -

Severus looked down at the boy. “Well, he certainly doesn’t get that from his father,” he muttered. Any molecule of this child that was drawn to him solely came from Lily’s side. 

“Up! Now,” Harry said, outstretching his arms. 

Severus didn’t move. He knew Lily didn’t want him near her child. He was about to nudge him away with his foot when the boy started crying that he hadn’t gotten his way. He made a face of panic and backed off as Lily scooped him up, but that just made things worse. He was leaning out of her arms toward Severus. 

He stepped forward and took him, only to stop his screaming. Harry immediately settled against his chest and closed his eyes, one little chubby hand holding onto the bottom of his hair. He gave Lily a look and resisted shrugging. He hadn’t a clue why he made babies calm. He certainly didn’t make his students calm, and they were just bigger babies. But Draco had been this way, and was still obsessed with him. He didn’t know what about his appearance or nature made them gravitate toward him, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. 

“Alright, Harry, back to Mummy,” he said gently. 

“Noooo!” Harry said as he held tighter onto him. “No. Stay.”

Severus sighed. He didn’t mind holding her son, it was just that it was her son. He knew she was uncomfortable, but anything was better than an infant screeching the house down. He also knew from taking care of Draco so much that it was just better for everyone to give in once in a while and keep them happy. 

“I can... come with you on your walk, if you want,” Severus said, his heart lurching when the words escaped his lips. He hadn’t a clue where that came from, but it was the obvious solution to the problem at hand. He would certainly feel better if he came with her. He could keep an eye on things and make sure they were both protected. Not that she wasn’t capable of protecting herself, but it was always safer with two people on guard. That way she could fully immerse herself into a nice day out with her son. He’d do all the looking over their shoulders for them. 

“Yeah! Walk,” Harry smiled as he rested his head on his shoulder, twirling some of his hair curiously. 

Severus looked at her apologetically. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

Lily leaned forward against the front door, breathing jaggedly, clutching her chest.

She stumbled inside, falling to her knees, inhaling and exhaling slowly. She’d been hit wih a particularly nasty curse, that had immediately caused her to disapparate. She turned over and sat on her bum, cuddling her knees for a moment as she continued to breathe. 

After a few moments, she sensed that she wasn’t alone. Slowly, she turned and looked up, seeing Doe… and him. Of course, there he was. 

“I’m fine. I’m fine… I just need to catch my breath.” She groaned, before moving to stand up, brushing herself off. “They won’t be far behind. I just had… He was on me.” 

That had been a horrendously close call, it had scared her. How could it not? All of this scared her so much more deeply now that she was a Mum. All that she could think of was Harry, and how he was relying on her. It was hard sometimes, not to think the worst. What would happen if anything happened to them? What would happen to her baby boy? She looked between them and just about managed a reassuring smile. Honestly, she didn’t have the energy to have an issue with him right then. He was there, and she had to accept it, whether she bloody liked it or not. She put her hands on her hips, taking just a few more moments to calm herself down.

“Did he go down okay?”

Doe nodded, “He did. We’ve just made some food… Would you like to join us? There’s extra.”

“Please.”

She couldn’t deny that she was hungry and needed something in her to raise her energy levels. She felt like hell. She followed them back into the kitchen, before moving to sit down on one of the benches, her whole body aching like nothing else. She leaned forward on her hands, watching as Doe prepared her a plate. Admittedly, she was avoiding looking in his direction, despite knowing hat he was watching her. However, after a few moments, she gave in. Slowly, she turned to look at him, watching him closely; seeing far too much in those eyes of his. He had never really given much away, but she had always known. She had always been able to tell how he was feeling merely by looking in his eyes, where others couldn’t. 

“How is teaching then? You must love that.”

A quietness fell between them all; Doe was clearly shellshocked that she’d actually spoke to him, in somewhat of a civil manner, even if had been a tad sarcastic.

- - -

Severus was about to bid them both goodnight before Lily spoke to him. He was rather caught off guard. He swallowed and tried to suss out if this was some kind of trap. Probably. 

“Some days it’s not so torturous. Those are rare though. It makes me appreciate all our old teachers at Hogwarts more,” Severus said. He wanted to say so much more to her, having nothing to do with teaching. It wasn’t the right moment though, he knew that. He knew that. He wasn’t going to push it. 

“What are you teaching again?” Dorcas asked, trying to keep the momentum going. This was progress!

“Potions. I took Slughorn’s place,” he said. 

“What happened to the Slug Club? Is it the Snape... Society?” Dorcas laughed, before shrugging and shaking her head. “I couldn’t think of a word that rhymed with Snape.”

Severus did crack a smile at this. “No Snape Societies or any other variation, I’m afraid. I’m not exactly a fan of exclusive clubs that keep people out or think they’re better than everyone else. Hasn’t worked out well for me in recent years,” he muttered. 

“What’s your favourite part about teaching?” Dorcas asked. 

“Being mean to children,” he smirked. However, that joke didn’t land. “The ones who deserve it,” he added, trying to save himself, but it didn’t work. Damn it. 

The front door opened and Severus sighed as both women got up to go check on their friends. He stayed in the kitchen, sipping on the rest of his water. So much for that moment. He supposed jokes about abusing children weren’t the best to make to a mother, but what else was he supposed to do? It was just his sense of humour. He didn’t inflict permanent damage on those kids or anything. 

“This smells good, Doe-- Oh. You’re back,” Marlene said as she walked into the kitchen. “Thought we’d got rid of you. The only thing I believe about you is that you don’t want to be here as much as we don’t want you here. Albus is playing us all,” she muttered, then she made herself a plate. 

Severus raised his eyebrows and stood up, taking that as his cue to leave. “Goodnight,” he said to Dorcas and Lily, before walking up the steps. He certainly didn’t need to be around the whole pack of them. Being around Dorcas was surprisingly tolerable, and Lily, for once, had been civil with him. He had wanted to ask if she needed any help with healing, but he knew she’d just shout at him. He was desperately trying to not piss her off. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

Lily sighed sharply, “James.”

She certainly wasn’t Severus’s number one fan, clearly, but that had been entirely unnecessary. “If there’s anything that needs to be said, it can come from me… James, seriously.”

They’d actually had quite a nice night alone together; which was somewhat of a rarity for them. They’d been able to go out for dinner, and act like normal, even if everything was anything but normal. Obviously, they were constantly on guard. They had to be. They were in danger. That and they were parents now. They had a whole little life to look out for. A little life that had been entirely unexpected. 

“Lily, this is all a little.. Come on, Albus trusts him. We had a pleasant conversation.” This was all very Doe. This was what she was like. It wasn’t a bad thing, not at all. However, in this particular situation, it was irking her beyond belief. How could it not? Doe knew their past. She knew. Yet, here she was, taking pity on him. 

“I’m sick of talking about this now, sick of it. There isn’t a single person who could convince me to be nice to him. That isn’t going to happen anytime soon. He’s lucky that I’m tolerating him being here.” She could feel herself becoming increasingly annoyed, and so knew that it would probably be best to simply remove herself from this conversation. He was an arse, and that was that. She then made her way upstairs, hesitating briefly when she reached the door of his bedroom.

“My child is not a spawn.” She shouted at his door, “Please refrain from calling him that in my company.”

//

Exhausted.

She was on her knees.

She sank into bed, groaning with sheer happiness about being there. It had been a horrendously long night. They’d been sent out on a group mission; which were the only missions that she’d been sent out on as of late. It made sense, really. She was a mother. She had a little life waiting for her, relying on her. However, she didn’t like the feeling of being flanked. She didn’t like feeling as if people were actively protecting her, when she was more than capable enough of looking out for herself. 

She sighed, staring up at the ceiling, her thoughts wandering all over the place. 

They kept bumping into one another. She was seeing him constantly. It was becoming difficult to avoid him, even though she desperately wanted to. She wanted to stay as far as possible away from him. His mere presence was winding her up. He was behaving so… calmly. He wasn’t appearing like the monster she’d made him out to be in her mind, and that was perhaps the most infuriating thing about all of this.

- - -

Six months later. 

Severus walked into Headquarters, not missing the rather icy welcome he got. It wasn’t a welcome at all, really. He had been away at Hogwarts which, unexpectedly, had been rather a safe haven for him. He hated teaching, but it was nice to be away from all this shit. He liked to have his peace and quiet, for the most part. He was still working overtime with both the Dark Lord and Dumbledore’s missions, but at least he wasn’t coming home to a house full of hatred. 

But, of course, Dumbledore wanted him there for the holiday. He was starting to think he was doing all this on purpose. 

Severus looked down as a tiny human suddenly bounded up to him. “Move, spawn,” he muttered as he gently nudged him away with his leg. He then walked up the stairs, sensing he was being followed. Didn’t this child have anything better to do than to bother him? He was surprised his mother hadn’t told him scary stories with him starring as the antagonist just to ward him off. Not that Severus lost any sleep whatsoever over James and Lily’s son disliking him. He really couldn’t bloody care less. 

“Oh, Severus, you’re back,” Dorcas said whilst scooping Harry up. “He’s much more mobile now. James and Lily are on a mission together with Sirius and Marlene. I stayed back to babysit,” she smiled. “How has term been?”

“Fine,” Severus muttered. He wasn’t exactly in the mood to chat. Why was Dorcas making such an effort? What was in it for her? He sighed deeply and walked past her. “Do you need something, Dorcas?”

“No, just checking in on you,” the brunette smiled, following him. “And because I know it annoys you.”

“Why would you want to annoy me?” he asked, putting his trunk down on his bed. 

“Because it’s fun,” she giggled. “And because someone needs to have a little fun with you. You know you’ll get wrinkles early if you scowl like that too much,” she said. “Not good for your skin.”

“Dorcas,” Severus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The very last thing on my mind is my skin care routine. It has been an extremely long day for me and I just want some peace and quiet. I don’t need you or that urchin making my migraine worse. Plus, if Lily finds out you had him within five hundred yards of me, she’ll have a conniption. I’d rather not deal with that either.”

“Can you not just call him a child? A boy? A kid?” Dorcas asked.

“No,” Severus muttered. “Ankle-biter.”

“Severus,” Dorcas groaned. “Behave. Are you hungry? I’ll make you something.”

Severus softened at this, then he turned away from her. “I can make myself something.”

“Come on, Severus. Look, a compromise. We can cook together. We’re the only two in the house, nobody has to know you were nice for once. You can even say something sweet to me. I know you have it in you.”

“This is not helping your case to have a cooking partner.”

“Fine, fine... Come downstairs when you’re ready and we’ll make something. I was just about to put Harry down for bed anyway,” she said. 

Severus felt utter relief when she left. He sighed deeply and began unpacking. What a long couple of weeks it would be. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

“Why does he have to be here?”

Lily groaned, leaning forward, setting her head on the table. She’d had nightmares about him. It had all been brought back up, clearly, now that she couldn’t avoid the man. He was going to be constantly around; like the bloody black death. Oh, she knew that they didn’t help themselves. They physically couldn’t, which was part of the problem, wasn’t it? This was where it had all stemmed from. In a sense, deep down, she knew that they were entirely innocent. She wasn’t a complete and utter fool. She knew that her actions in the past had never been particularly helpful. However, what was the point on dwelling upon any of that? There was no turning back. 

She didn’t trust him.

She didn’t know any of them were going to be able to trust him. 

The redhead looked up, watching as James incessantly walked back and forth, rocking Harry. “Let’s stop wasting our breath talking about him.”

She scoffed, “You can’t help but insult him the moment he walks in the room.” It was going to make the atmosphere so intolerable. That much was certain. “We’re just going to have to get on with it. We just need to be careful about we say and do around him. I just… I want to trust Albus. Why wouldn’t I want to trust him? We’ve never had a reason not to. This is completely left-field for him. This is mad. He must have some sort of insane reasoning behind all of this, because I can’t keep turning it over and over in my head…” She trailed off, looking towards the door, “James, go and put him down.” She rolled her eyes as James, yet again, acted like a petty teenager toward Severus. She knew that she hadn’t been the kindest, but she wasn’t going to throw cruel names at him. What would be the point in that? 

They were alone.

She watched him, very purposefully so, as he moved to get some water. 

“If you’re here to fuck me over again, Severus. I am going to kill you myself, if I am given the chance.”

She noticed him tense up. Good. As he should. “I hope you feel such shame about what you’ve done. If Albus is right about you. If. I hope you go to sleep at night and envision the lives that you and your litle pals have ruined.” She said all of this, whilst stirring sugar into her mug of tea. “You… I am furious.” She huffed, shaking her head. Did he have anything to say for himself? Probably not. What could he say? She knew that she was right. 

- - -

What a lovely conversation. 

Severus sighed and looked at her. “Lily, when this is all over, if I’m still alive, please put my out of my misery,” he said. “I can’t think of anyone else who deserves the pleasure more.”

He grabbed a granola bar and a water bottle, before leaving the kitchen again. No reason to bloody stay there any longer than he needed to. It hurt him to hear that from Lily, to see her look at him with such hatred, but what else did he expect? He had fucked her over, through and through. He knew better than to think that calling her what he had had been the only thing to send her over the edge. He knew it was a lot of other things that had built up. He had changed, but he was trying to change back. For himself more than anything. Because she damn sure wouldn’t want it to be for her. 

- - -

Severus groaned to himself as he heard incessant cooing coming from downstairs. What was that noise? He heaved himself out of bed and exited his room to go investigate. For once, he’d been given a night off, and he had wanted to sleep, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen. 

He walked downstairs and saw Dorcas playing with baby Harry. He rolled his eyes and tried to retreat, but she saw him. 

“Hi, Severus,” she said cheerily. She had always been the nicer one to Severus, so he didn’t have much reason to despise her. He hadn’t a clue what she saw in that dog though. “Can’t sleep?” she asked. 

“No, not with all this laughter,” Severus drawled as he eyed the baby. “Where are his parents?”

“Out on a date,” she said. “I offered to babysit. Though it’s never a job for me. I love my perfect little baby boy,” she gushed as she nuzzled her nose against Harry’s, who let out that infernal giggle once more. She looked over as Severus started to walk back up the stairs. “Do you want to hold him?”

“What?” Severus asked, stopping on the first step. He came back down and walked over to her. “Why would I want to hold him?”

“I dunno... Babies in wars are kind of rare, aren’t they? Kind of reminds you what you’re fighting for. The future. You’re one of us now, so... you see that, right?” Dorcas smiled, stroking Harry’s hair. 

Severus sighed and didn’t respond to that. Narcissa had recently had a baby as well and he had spent extended time around him. He bloody missed them so much. Why couldn’t he have stayed with them? They had been the only ones that had stuck by his side all these years, even through all the bad. He looked at the boy, who was staring at him curiously. “I don’t think his parents would want me touching him.”

“You’re probably right,” Dorcas said. “You’re more than welcome to sit in here with me though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she laughed. “I could use the company. It’s been a while since you and I have shared more than two words with each other. It’ll pass the time. Maybe even make you sleepy,” she grinned. She cradled Harry close to her chest, then patted the space on the sofa next to her with her free hand. “Come sit with me.”

Against his better judgment, he obliged. Severus looked at the boy, who was still staring at him. “He seems rather advanced for a one year old.”

“He is. So clever,” Dorcas said happily. “Have you been around a baby before?”

“Yes. Draco,” Severus said. “Lucius and Narcissa’s son. He was born a couple months before Harry. I spent a lot of time around him,” he said. “Changed many nappies.”

Dorcas laughed, which caused the corners of Severus’s mouth to upturn just a tad. “You’re an expert then.”

“Something like that,” Severus said. It was rather unnerving, seeing a baby with James Potter’s face but Lily Evans’s eyes. He was almost cute. Almost. Ugh. 

Just then, the door opened and in came the parents in question. Severus looked over and instinctively stood up to retreat. Fuck. 

“What are you doing near my son?” James snapped. He had been drinking. “Dorcas, how could you let this snake near him? He’s just a baby.”

“Severus wasn’t hurting anybody,” Dorcas snapped back. “He was just sitting here talking to me. He didn’t even touch Harry.”

James took Harry from Dorcas and glared at Severus. “You keep your greasy hands away from him, do you understand me? You’re lucky I don’t curse your bollocks off.”

Severus barely held back a groan. “I have more important things to do than kidnap and corrupt your spawn. And I’d advise you not to make idle threats unless you plan on following through. In which case, I assure you, you will lose,” he said darkly. 

“Enough,” Dorcas said, waving her hands angrily. “You two are no better than children. What sort of example do you think this sets for Harry?”

“I don’t care,” Severus hissed. He stormed back up the stairs and retreated to the safety of his room. Serves him right for leaving his sanctuary. He would not be making that bloody mistake again. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

“This is ridiculous.”

Lily perched on her bed, looking across at both Marlene and Doe, who were sat nearby. “I mean, Dumbledore must have reason to trust him. Or else, he’s just been seriously hoodwinked and has signed all of our death warrants.”

“You can’t think like that,” Doe started. The woman was far too empathetic for her own good. She was always the voice of reason; but there was absolutely no reason behind any of this. “Come on, ye of little faith. There might actually be some truth to all of this. You do realise that people can change. They can change their mind too.”

“Seriously? You believe that about him? Doe, really?” 

The redhead then moved to stand up, unable to sit still. She was on edge, which could only be expected. They were supposed to act as if everything was normal, to embrace him with open arms and to take his help. There wasn’t a chance that any of this was true. She simply couldn’t believe it. He was so far gone. He had been so far gone. How had he supposedly suddenly just changed his mind? How? 

//

Honestly, she was stressed.

This was bothering her, deeply so. 

He had been her best friend. He had meant an awful lot to her. They had shared most of their formative experiences together. They had been through so much together. Yet, he had been the one to choose to forfeit all of that. Why on earth was he suddenly so interested in helping them? In becoming this savior? It didn’t seem right. It didn’t feel truthful. She couldn’t help but doubt him, because they were all fully aware of what he had been up to over the last few years. They knew what he’d done, the atrocities that he had undoubtedly played a part in. Yet, here he was, playing the hero. It was almost laughable, but it wasn’t bloody funny.

She was sat at her dressing table, trying to gather herself together, when her peace was rather violently interrupted.

The door to their bedroom was thrown open. 

She didn’t respond, because she knew exactly why he was angry. Briefly, she glanced over at the crib, but Harry was still fast asleep. He could sleep through just about anything, thankfully, living in this household. 

“Have you heard then?” She watched him in the mirror as he paced back and forth, knowing fine well that he was restraining himself from loudly airing his grievances; but there was certainly still time for that. 

“There isn’t a thing we can do. Albus appears to trust him, which is more than I can say for all of us.” She could feel herself becoming increasingly irritated again, which was annoying, because she’d only just calmed herself down. She should have known that James would return and immediately wind her up. She turned to look at her husband, “Don’t do anything stupid, James. We have to show that we’re the bigger people. We didn’t go off and join a group of evil cultists, he did. Let’s not stoop to his level.”

“That’ll be difficult,” James muttered angrily whilst throwing off his jacket. “It’s fucking unbelievable.”

- - -

“Snivvy! Long time no see. I was wondering when you’d emerge from your cave,” Sirius laughed as he practically skipped into the kitchen upon seeing Severus. “What have you got on the agenda this morning then, hmm? Raping? Pillaging? Plundering?”

“Not until noon,” Severus drawled without looking away from the coffee brewing painfully slowly in the pot. Oh, to be such a slave to caffeine that he had to endure this torturous interaction. 

Drip, drip, drip. Drip fucking faster, Severus thought with a scowl on his face. 

“Look who I found, Prongs,” Sirius said as James came in the room. 

“Spooked me for a second there. Thought a zombie had wandered in. Then I remembered that’s just what you normally look like, Snivellus,” James teased with a cruel laugh. “Heard you already had a run-in with my wife. And our son. He looks just like me, you know.”

Severus sighed and resisted groaning out loud. What was the point of this juvenile encounter? He began looking around, lifting things up off the counter, turning them over, everywhere but at the two men near him. 

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked. 

“I’m looking for who the fuck asked,” Severus muttered, before silently praising God that his coffee was finished. He poured himself a cup and turned to face them, both of them looking rather annoyed at his joke. “What? You can act like dickheads but I can’t? Doesn’t seem fair... You are so much better at it than I am, so I suppose I’ll leave it to the professionals,” he said as he rolled his eyes, before moving past them. He wanted peace and quiet. He had been out nearly all night doing work for Dumbledore, and he had another meeting with Lucius in an hour. He did not need any more annoyance added to his plate on no sleep. 

Severus trudged back up to his room and shut the door behind him. Dumbledore had made ‘special’ arrangements for him, because the house wasn’t big enough for everyone. Yet another reason for them to hate him. He had made people shift rooms and now Marlene, Dorcas, and Sirius were sharing a bedroom. It wasn’t his problem, of course, but he would have rather cut off his finger than bunked with Marlene fucking McKinnon. Or anyone there. 

He wouldn’t have even wanted to room with Lily, because she’d probably carve his eyeball out the first chance she got. A lot of people thought Lily to be this kind, unassuming girl who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Those people were the first to be fucking dead by the end of her wand. He knew better than to underestimate her, and he knew firsthand what a talented witch she was. He was not trying to get on her bad side any more than he already was. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

“What?”

Lily was rubbing baby Harry’s back, whilst staring in disbelief at Marlene McKinnon. “We’ve all been summoned to meet and discuss his arrival.”

“I’m sorry… Severus Snape is here? He’s actually here? I thought that the whole point of James and I moving in here was to be safe.” She then moved to lay her baby down in his crib, shaking her head. “I don’t want to go down there.”

“Lily, you’re going to have to face him at some point. It might as well be now.”

She rested against the crib, looking down at her baby boy, who was currently anything but sleepy. He was smiling and giggling and kicking up his little feet. He ws just starting to become a little less newborn-like. He was her everything. Her sole focus in all of this. Had his arrival been of brilliant timing? No, not in the slightest. However, here he was, reminding all of them why they were there. She moved to pick him up again, knowing that he wasn’t settled, before then moving to leave the room.

“Thank Merlin that James is out.” She knew that he certainly wouldn’t be best pleased by this development either, although that was perhaps an understatement. He’d be furious. Honestly, she couldn’t get her head around it. Her thoughts were all over the place. Why was he there? Why on earth was Albus doing this to them? Could he not see that this was undoubtedly going to cause problems? How could it not? 

She hesitated for a moment at the foot of the stairwell, not sure that she wanted to proceed any further. She watched Marlene move ahead of her, hearing the low hum of voices in the kitchen. She looked down at Harry, who was now relaxed in her arms. Slowly, she walked through into the kitchen, The room fell silent, as she moved to go and sit down at the table, doing everything in her power not to look at him. 

However, she could soon feel his stare burning into the side of her head.

She turned to look at him, very purposefully narrowing her eyes at him. Oh, she wanted him to see how she felt about this. “I don’t trust him. How can any of us sit here and truthfully say that we trust him?” Admittedly, she still held a rather deep feeling of anger toward this man. He had hurt her so intensely, and even now, it was difficult to get her head around all of that. Yet, he’d made his mind up. He’d made his mind up to join them.

However, here he was now, one of the Dark Lord’s supposed closest comrades living under their roof. It was ludicrous. How on earth were they possibly supposed to believe that he was a changed man? It seemed completely bizarre. Dumbledore was clearly losing his bloody marbles. The room was downright thick with tension, and she knew that everyone else was feeling the same thing as she was. 

- - -

Severus didn’t know what he expected but it hurt just as bad all the same. 

He was leaning up against one of the corners of the kitchen, trying to stay as far away from everyone else as bloody possible. He didn’t need anyone slitting his throat while he slept or something equally as heinous. They all lauded themselves as these saints who were fighting for freedom, but they had just as much blood on their hands as he did. None of them were fucking innocent. It was a war. 

Severus folded his arms as Dumbledore came in to debrief everyone. The miscreants that called themselves the Marauders were not present at that time, which made him feel slightly more at ease. Perhaps there wouldn’t be bloodshed that night after all. 

“Starting from this moment, you are to treat Severus as your equal. He is part of the Order now, just like all of you. His help on the inside will be invaluable to us. I expect you to treat him with respect,” Dumbledore said. 

“Or just don’t try and kill me any chance you get,” Severus chimed in, his voice low and disinterested. He really didn’t know why he needed to be present for that meeting. Couldn’t they do all this without him? What was this, exposure therapy? Surely they weren’t going to just get used to him. He would rather they didn’t. In a perfect world, he’d blend into the shadows, get his job done, and hopefully die trying. Everyone there would live happily ever after and the world would become a brighter place. 

But that’s not how life worked. 

“Welcome to the team, Severus,” Dorcas said with an obviously forced and awkward smile. Severus appreciated her effort, but it was wholly unnecessary. He didn’t need anyone faking kindness to him. He’d sleep with one eye open either way. 

“That’s the spirit,” Dumbledore said with a smile. “Severus, do you have anything else you’d wish to add?”

“Nothing appropriate,” Severus muttered, before pushing off the wall to exit the kitchen. He didn’t need to sit there and be ogled by a group of people who would rather see him strung up than fighting alongside them. Honestly, he’d rather be bloody strung up. But his mission wasn’t for himself or even them, it was for one person. Well, now her band of people. It was odd to see Lily carrying a baby. It was even stranger to think she was married to James Potter. And had a child with him. He liked to think he wouldn’t be bothered by that, but he had been. He just wanted to be alone. 

[severusloveslily]

devoted heart || snily

“I don’t see why I can’t just... camp out at Hogwarts or something. Or perhaps the sanctity of my own home. I’m not exactly in the Witness Protection Program, you know where I live,” Severus said as he stared at Dumbledore. 

“You gave me your word, Severus. You’re going to stay here with us in Grimmauld Place where I can keep an eye on you. It will be much easier to convey information if you’re under the same roof. Neither of us will have to travel to the other to give reports. It’s the same theory for you working at Hogwarts with me. Don’t you want to keep up the illusion of your loyalty to the Dark Lord? Your deception of me?”

“Yes, but... that’s not the issue I’m facing with this scenario,” Severus muttered. He felt like a petulant child not getting a turn on the swing. At least, Albus made him feel like that. He always felt fucking small around him. Around anyone. 

“I know what the issue is and you’re just going to have to get over it,” Albus said bluntly, looking at the man with absolutely no empathy whatsoever. “Come, I’m going to teach you how to undo the wards. You’ve stalled enough.”

Severus scoffed under his breath. As if he didn’t know how to undo these wards. Though Albus made them himself, Severus was a master at breaking codes and protective charms. This was no different. He had figured it out weeks ago, just like he figured out the location of their hideout. He, of course, hadn’t come forward with that information, because he’d learned his lesson last time he did that. He didn’t need yet another target on Lily’s back. He thought they were going to be living in Godric’s Hollow, but apparently not. That had not been something he wanted to hear mere steps from the front door. Not to mention he didn’t want to see James Potter with a ring on his finger or their spawn. He’d gotten more detail than he wanted from Dumbledore about the kid. 

“Are you paying attention?” Dumbledore asked, looking over at him. 

“Yes,” Severus lied. No, but he’d be able to do it with his eyes closed. He watched, uninterested, as Dumbledore told him the incantation. Severus repeated it with the desired results, earning him a smile from his old professor. Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe he was better off taking his chances with the Dark Lord. 

He wanted to do the right thing. Really, he did. It was just going to be a long road ahead. He hadn’t been near Lily in a few years, and now he would be around her all the time... plus her husband and newborn baby. 

Kill him now. 

If she didn’t do it first. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

“You needn’t feel shy,” Lucius responded, “But I understand what you mean. This is certainly something different. We both should embrace how we feel. I know how you feel in respect to my marriage. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” He had to address the elephant in the room, in a roundabout sense. There was no real addressing it, not right now, because it would only ever sour the mood. That was the last bloody thing he wanted right then.

“Come.”

He took hold of his hand, leading him through into his bedroom. “Do you like it? I took the liberty of making a few changes.” He gestured around, knowing fine well that Severus had never enjoyed his private spaces being invaded. However, he could put up with it for the sake of him. “Your bed was ghastly.” He laughed, before moving to kiss him, “I had the feeling we might need something a little stronger.” 

He bit at his lip, dragging it between his teeth before letting go. He then unbuttoned his trousers, kissing him as they worked at one another’s clothes. The sheer relief that he felt. He could almost cry with happiness at the fact that he was alone with this man. He groaned against his lips, knowing that he was going to be making some rather innate fucking noises that night. 

This brought out a side of him that sex with his wife could never. They were soon both undressed, he pushed him up against the nearby dresser, kissing him hard, his hands running down over his body. He then ran his hand up to his throat, “You’re in for a treat.” He smirked, before then letting go, gesturing for him to get onto the bed. He walked over, merely watching him, his eyes running over his body desirously. 

He then moved to rather effortlessly lay between his legs, immediately taking him in his mouth, his tongue working magic… He then moved his tongue down beneath his cock, very much wanting to take his time. 

There was certainly no need for them to rush. There was no need for them to have to disguise just how incredible that this felt for them both. He was still a little in awe that this was happening, that his deepest desires had come to life, and that he was laying in this bed with this man. He looked up at him, breathing deeply, “How do you want it?” He smirked, “Show me.”

- - -

Severus breathed deeply and stared at him, eyes wide and full of lust. “I don’t know how I want it. I just want you. Help me,” he said. He had no experience, other than their night with Narcissa, so he absolutely wanted to follow his lead. Severus wasn’t a proud man, nor did he have a big ego, so he didn’t mind letting Lucius call the shots. He preferred it. 

“Can I...” he trailed off. Maybe he did want to make some requests. “I want you to be on top of me,” he whispered. Severus wanted to feel his weight, he wanted to wrap his arms around him and hold him as close as he could. 

It hit him then how fucked he was. Well, literally, yes, but emotionally, morally, situationally. They were wading into dangerous waters. His feelings were only ever growing stronger for him, which was a bit scary. Severus had already felt deeply for him because he was his best friends. Now those feelings had transformed, and he was beginning to feel possessive. He also felt guilty for what he was doing behind Narcissa’s back. He had never been a selfish person, yet this was bringing that out in him. Should he quit this madness before it got worse?

What scared him perhaps the most was that he wasn’t sure if he could quit this man. 

Severus nodded as Lucius taught him a lubrication charm. He would memorise that, because it would undoubtedly come in handy. He assumed that Lucius wasn’t overly experienced with gay sex, considering he only ever spoke about the countless women he’d bedded over the years he’d known him. Severus knew he had been with men, obviously, but he didn’t know how thoroughly. He seemed to be a bit tense that he would be the one receiving, and Severus wondered if he ought to change courses. 

“How does it feel? To be inside a man?” Severus asked, looking up at Lucius curiously. His hands gently ran over his back as he tried to relax him. He didn’t want this experience to be bad for anyone. He leaned forward and began kissing his chest, his shoulders, the base of his neck, anywhere his lips could reach. Severus was so obsessed with this feeling. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

“Oh, I’ve been told that before.”

Lucius smirked, before moving to pick up his leather folder. “I would love to stay, but I have to meet with the others and Dumbledore to finalise our agenda.” He groaned, knowing that it was going to be excrutiating. He would much rather stay in that room and watch him teach. “I’ll find you later,” he spoke softly, before then moving to walk past him, briefly running his hand down his back to his arse as he did so. He gave him a gentle affectionate pat, before then moving to walk out of the room. 

He couldn’t help but smile to himself, knowing fine well what was to come.

The both of them, hopefully.

//

Lucius was fully aware that they were currently in the thrill stage. 

He knew that where they were at now, would probably feel entirely different in just a few months. Hopefully, that would be in a good way though. He knew that he was going to have to bloody work for this, which seemed ridiculous, given that he was the married one. He wasn’t one for completely fucking someone over though, unless they deserved it, and so he wanted to show him that he really did bloody care. If he wanted wooing, he’d be wooed. He genuinely cared. He wanted this more than anything, every inch of his body had been craving this man, craving a moment entirely alone with him.

He’d set himself up in the spare room in Severus’s quarters, but that was obviously just to keep up appearances. It was safe to say that no-one had batted an eyelid when he’d suggested staying in Severus’s quarters. Why wouldn’t he want to spend time with his best friend?

He’d feigned having some work to do for the Ministry during dinner, whilst he was really… setting the mood, so to speak. He had a bottle of champagne waiting, and had set a little ambience mood charm on Severus’s bedroom. Oh,he was ready. He couldn’t help himself. He sat and waited, dragging on one of his cigars, watching the door. He was half-naked, his shirt undone, his trousers readily unbuttoned. 

He grinned excitedly as the door opened, and he traced his teeth along his lower lip, before taking another drag.

“Hello, darling.” 

- - -

Severus walked in and sighed happily. What a wonderful surprise. “Hi,” he said softly, almost shyly. This was completely new territory for him. Well, not only the sexual partner part, but just having someone to come home to. He understood why everyone craved it. It was nice to feel loved and desired. 

He took in the set up Lucius had prepared for them. He had been half-joking when he’d requested being wined and dined, but it was heartwarming to see that Lucius had taken him seriously. It was nice to be listened to. That didn’t happen very often. 

Severus’s gaze followed the blonde as he stood up. Admittedly, he was drinking in his wonderful body and the trail of silver hair leading down into his trousers. Ugh. Severus had never once considered being with men before this, and now his mouth was watering at the sight of him. Then again, Lucius wasn’t just a man. He was the man. He was powerful, famous, rich, beautiful, strong. He was literally the full package. He leaned into his feminine side with no issue because he was so confident. Severus couldn’t say the same about himself. 

“I missed you. Thanks for telling me you weren’t going to dinner,” he chuckled as he raised his eyebrow. “I walked all the way up there for them to tell me you had work to be getting on with. Could’ve given us another fifteen minutes together,” he teased. He didn’t mind, really. They had several days together, and that was all that mattered. No amount of time would be enough, as always was the case, even before all of this happened. 

“I like your outfit,” he smirked, running his hands up his chest, under his shirt. He pushed the material off and let it fall to the floor, before they started kissing. They were both tall, large men, so sometimes doing what he wanted wasn’t as easy. His instincts were urging him to pick Lucius up and set him against something, but that would prove rather difficult, even for someone like Severus. Now Narcissa? He could pick her up with one hand. He wondered if Lucius felt the same. 

“I want to enjoy everything you’ve planned for us,” Severus whispered against his lips. “You went to so much effort, after all. Colour me wooed,” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Do you feel as... nervous as I do? Though we know everything about each other, this is a completely new side of our relationship. It’s so exciting and new. I feel, for lack of a better word, almost shy around you now, purely because the thrill of flirting and getting to be with you this way takes over. Am I alone in feeling this? Do you understand my meaning?”

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

Lucius glanced down at the letter that had just arrived for him; one of many on the daily, but he normally left them for someone else to read for him. 

However, he’d chosen a particularly pleasant one to glance over himself. He couldn’t help but smile to himself, knowing exactly what this opportunity presented for him; some time alone with Severus. He’d be put up at the school for a few days whilst the audit took place, it was usually in-depth and he was very thorough. Especially, when it came to the school that his boy would most likely attend in the future. Even if he’d rather him go elsewhere, somewhere like Durmstrang, perhaps. However, he doubted he’d be able to get that past Cissy. He’d try. 

He looked down at the letter again, looking at the names of the other two governors that would be attending with him. Pushovers. He’d be able to assert some control over what they all did whilst they were there; and he’d discretely find a way to make the process last longer than it had to. Not, that he particularly enjoyed staying in that castle. However, he had very good reason to stay.

//

“Were you not on the audit last time, darling?”

“I was indeed. I can only think that they must truly appreciate my opinion.” Lucius moved to pack a shirt in his case, before turning to look at his wife. “It’s only for  a few days.” He walked over to her, sensing her anxiety. He knew that she didn’t like being at the Manor alone, but she had no choice. 

There wasn’t a chnace in hell that he’d have turned this opportunity down, even if it wasn’t his favourite thing to do. Honestly, he still didn’t know how Severus did it, how he could stand to work around all of those ridiculously annoying teenagers. He pressed his lips to her cheek, “You will both be fine.” As much as his eye had very much wandered elsewhere, he still loved his wife… but it was different now, how could it not be with the intensity of his feelings towards Severus? This was a chance for them to truly be alone. They’d still have to be somewhat sneaky, of course.

//

He followed behind the other governors, not wanting to appear too forthright to begin with. He shook hands with Dumbledore; which was a strain. He knew that the majority of the staff there held very little respect for him and his position on the board of governors. He was fully aware of that, because they didn’t particulalry care about disguising their feelings. However, he couldn’t give less of a shit what anyone there thought of him. He was here to do a job, and it would be their jobs in the balance were they to piss him off. He could feel himself becoming increasingly excited; not like that, but he was excited to see Severus. It hadn’t been long at all, yet had felt like an eternity. The relief that he felt to be there was astonishing. He couldn’t wait to lay his eyes on him.

- - -

Severus had his back to the door as he wrote some notes on the blackboard for his students. They would be brewing today and, despite him not wanting to spoon-feed them, he did want to avoid an explosion... so he wrote things on the board. They could barely read anyway. At least that was the impression he got from their bloody essays. It was a wonder most of them had even progressed past the first year of life. Thank Merlin Draco wouldn’t be like that. 

However, at the sound of a knock and a familiar voice, a tingle ran down Severus’s body. He bit back a smile and turned to face his favourite blonde. “Mr. Malfoy. What a surprise,” he said, keeping his professionalism in tact. He didn’t need anyone to look at them funny, and he addressed every adult with respect in front of the kids. 

“Make yourself comfortable,” Severus said, gesturing to his desk. Lucius, of course, did so. Severus liked seeing him at his desk. It had been a long while since he’d been on his turf, and Severus was so bloody happy things had worked out how they did. He loved when he visited before all this, and it was always a highlight of his year, but now that excitement had doubled. Tripled, even. They would have some time for them. 

- - -

When the students left, Severus shut the door with magic. “We have about... five minutes or so before my next class wanders in,” he said, his eyes following Lucius hungrily as he stood up. 

He wrapped his arms around him and kissed him urgently, resisting the urge to strip him. They couldn’t get carried away or else someone would notice. He had to have a perfect track record when it came to his job, given Dumbledore was looming over his head like a manipulative, blackmailing storm cloud. 

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Severus breathed against his lips, his hands running up to his hair, his face, his neck. Luckily, since they had always been so close, it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility for Lucius to stay in his quarters. Though the castle had plenty of room to house him, their friendship was common knowledge and Lucius often ended up staying in the dungeons anyway. This time would be no different. Severus wasn’t going to let him out of his sight if he could help it. 

He grunted as he heard faint chatter of students outside. Painstakingly, he pulled away, his lips swollen and his cheeks flushed. “You can stay in here if you’d like, You can go to my room too. Whatever you want. You are quite a distraction,” he chuckled, stroking his cheek. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

Lucius laughed, “Of course.” He pressed his finger under his chin, “… we will find a way.” He knew that they would, undoubtedly. He wanted to show him that he was as serious about this as he could be, in his position. He knew that the strength of his feelings perhaps wasn’t quite yet reciprocated, but if he had anything to do with it, they would be. Tenfold. 

He stroked his fingers down his cheek, kissing him again, moaning softly as he then ran his hand down his side, pulling him close. The sofa certainly felt somewhat cramped with the both of them on it; they weren’t exactly small men.

//

“Does he have to go?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Why can he not stay?” Draco whined. He was obsessed with his godfather, and loved him so dearly. 

“He has to work, Draco. Just like I have to work.”

He walked alongside his son, they were very much the image of one another. They made their way down the stairs, and into the ktichen. He rushed ahead, jumping at Cissy, who was preparing breakfast; which made a change, she often let the eleves get on with it. A few days had passed since Christmas, and they’d not managed any time together… As in, himself and Severus. They’d had a couple of big parties, and they’d snuck away to kiss but nothing more. He wanted more. He was so desperately irritated that they hadn’t managed it on this visit… the threesome didn’t quite count.

He picked up the paper, opening it up as he sat down, looking up as Severus walked in. Fuck, he wanted to grab him. He wanted to push him… He knew those thoughts were dangerous, yet he couldn’t help himself. It was all that had consumed his mind. How was he going to cope without him? 

He was going to have to visit, there was no doubt about that. Or, they could meet somewhere, someone completely random… get a hotel… His thoughts had wandered here, there and everywhere. He knew that they simply had to have a night alone together. He wanted him to truly feel like the object of his affections, which he was, despite the sheer messiness of what surrounded them. That didn’t mean that they couldn’t act on how they felt.

- - -

Severus stood at the door with his things, not wanting to leave. He didn’t want to go back to the students, of course, but now it was even harder to leave with everything that had happened. He was jealous, too. Lucius got to stay here with his wife and be happy. He was the one who had to go back to a big, lonely castle all by himself to rot away in the dungeons. 

“I’ll miss you, little dragon,” Severus murmured as he hugged Draco close. The boy was, as usual, crying having to say goodbye. He was trying to reassure him that he would be back for half-term, but it never worked. It was just another month. He could survive a month, right?

Ugh. 

“Bye, Sevvy. Try to keep your sanity,” Narcissa laughed as she wrapped her arms around him. “We’ll miss you,” she added in a whisper. Cheeky. 

Severus squeezed her back and turned his attention to Lucius. He leaned in for a hug, his lips brushing against his ear as they embraced. “See you soon,” he murmured quietly, before pulling back. He didn’t need to rouse any sort of suspicion. 

It was going to be a long few weeks. 

- - -

Severus sat in a staff meeting whilst contemplating shooting himself in the face. It was torturous. Brain damage could not be as bad. Nor death. Why did he have to be here for this? Why couldn’t they just... not bother? If it had to do with him, then yes, but it never did. He was good at his job. The only thing Dumbledore ever got onto him about was his detentions and point reductions, but he argued that they were all warranted, which they were. He had too much other shit to be worried about charity events or lesson plans. 

“Lastly, some members from the Board of Governors will be here to do an audit and observe,” Dumbledore said. 

Severus sat up at that. Which members? Lucius was on that board. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself, but he needed to know. “Which board members?”

“They haven’t told me yet. Do you have a preference, Severus?” Dumbledore asked in amusement. 

“Yeah, someone he gets along with,” McGonagall muttered, causing some other members of staff to laugh under their breath. 

“Exactly,” Severus said, building on that. “Don’t you remember last time?”

“Ugh,” Dumbledore said as he rolled his eyes. “Don’t remind me. If you can give me names that you won’t pick a fight with and insult their intelligence in front of students, I’ll do what I can.”

Severus smirked. That prick had deserved it last time, and he’d gotten bored. It was fun. “Lucius Malfoy.”

Collective groans sounded off all around. 

Dumbledore smirked and raised his hand to calm everyone down. “Behave yourself, Severus. I’ll talk to them.”

Severus nodded and sat back in his chair. Maybe this meeting had been worth it after all. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

Perfect.

He was bloody good at it, that much was evident. 

He squeezed tight at his hands, moaning as he came, his body shaking plesurably as his new lover drained him. That was perhaps an understatement, he was fairly certain there was nothing left to give. He laughed breathily, tilting his head back, before then leaning down to kiss him, “You’re bloody brilliant.” 

//

“I know that this is quite… unexpected,” Lucius started, whilst looking over at him. They had taken a moment to breathe, and were sat in their usual spots. “It would have killed me to not say anything, to not have addressed my feelings. I suppose, in a way, that we’ve somewhat complicated things in involving Cissy.” 

He stood, moving to grab his drink again, certainly needing it. 

“You are our best friend. You are my very best friend. But I think that, well, there’s clearly much more to us than that.” He smirked playfully, before taking a swig of his brandy. He moved to sit back down, leaning his elbow on the arm of the chair, smiling as he watched Severus. “What? I’ve been seeing you in a whole new light and I love it.” He knew tha this was bringing out a side of him that he was fairly certain not even Severus had seen before. He was’t usually quite this happy, quite frankly; not this overtly so, at least. He wasn’t a scrooge, not by any means.

“Did you enjoy it then?”

He smirked, “… last night? Cissy bloody did.” He rolled his eyes, “I won’t hear the end of that now.” He was glad that they’d done it, they’d needed to do that. Yet, at the same time, he couldn’t help but wonder if it had been the best idea. It had been a distraction for Cissy, at least. 

“I do understand if you have some level of confliction about all of this. That’s only natural.” 

He himself was obviously highly bloody conflicted, but he knew that Severus had to be all over the place, and so he wanted to reassure him that it was okay to feel that way. Despite him fully wanting him all to himself. If he had his way, there wouldn’t be a repeat of the night before. He had never been particularly good at sharing. Although, he was the bloody married one. He glanced down at his ring, before taking another swig of his drink. Slowly, he reached out his hand to him, smiling as he took it. Slowly, he raised his hand to his lips, kissing at his fingers. “You know me unlike anyone else does, not even Cissy. I know you. I want you.”

- - -

For once, Severus indulged in some alcohol. He needed it to take some of the edge off. Having sex was certainly putting him on a high, but they did need to talk. This was serious. There were serious feeling and serious risks involved. 

“You know I enjoyed it,” Severus murmured as he sipped his drink. “I’ve never... That was my first time,” he admitted. If they were going to do this, he needed to be honest. They had probably already figured that out though. He felt like he could be open with him about everything. He wanted to be open with him about everything. 

“I just don’t want to hurt Narcissa. I know she comes first for you and likewise. I can’t lose you both. As much as I enjoyed that and enjoy this,” he said as he gestured between them, “Our friendship, our family is more important to me. I will give that up if Narcissa finds out and wills it so. I do not want to betray her or deceive her. It isn’t fair to her, no matter how much I want it,” he confessed. He knew Lucius knew that. Severus was a fiercely loyal person, and he took care of his friends. They were everything to him. Literally everything. Without them, he had nobody. They were truly his family. 

Severus watched him kiss his hand and felt a jolt of excitement course through him. This was unlike anything he could have ever imagined for his love life. He had always thought he’d take a girl out on a nice date and maybe fall in love, but this wasn’t anything like this. Was love possible? He did love Lucius and Narcissa dearly, and he could easily see that morphing into a romantic love. He was certain it already had. There was no way he’d ever be able to look at them platonically again. 

“I want to be close to you,” Severus said. He finished his drink and watched Lucius stand to go to the sofa in his study. He had had it put there ages ago so Severus could lounge and read while Lucius did work. Or vice versa. It was a wonder, looking back, how it had taken them so long to address their feelings. 

Severus walked to the sofa and laid with him, wrapped up in his arms. He sighed contentedly and rested his head on his chest. His eyes fell closed and he just felt at peace, At home. 

“Are you going to wine and dine me then, Malfoy? I don’t just give this out for free. I need to be wooed,” Severus teased as he propped himself up against his chest, his hair a bit tousled. He felt happy. Smiling never felt so good. 

[severusloveslily]

lilylovessev​:

- - - 

Lucius laughed, “Will he ever grow out of this?” He watched his son play. The little boy who had everything he’d never had. He knew that he was still learning, that he wasn’t always the most affectionate. However, Draco constantly had a hell of a lot more affection than he’d ever received as a small boy. As they stood and watched Draco, he had to resist the urge to reach out to him. That wasn’t easy though. It was taking everything in him. He knew that this was going to be difficult. How could it not be? 

//

“Daddy, I’m not sleepy.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Am not.”

“You are.” 

Lucius carried Draco on his hip from the bathroom; brushing teeth was a nightmare task that he did not have the patience for but could tolerate every now and then, gently rubbing his back as they walked into his bedroom. He had been fighting sleep so hard. He had been very giddy at dinner, and after, upon receiving some more play equipment for his little cauldron set-up from Severus. It was all harmless and nothing that he could do any damage with, but it did give him the chnace to have a little go at ‘making potions’. 

“I’m excited,” Draco giggled, as Lucius set him down. 

“Oh, I know you are. It’s a very special day tomorrow.” He didn’t understand it all, personally. It was an excuse for parties and the like, but he had never really seen it from this angle. His child was so innocent, so unaffected by everything. He knew that he was, inevitably, dragging his child into what he was involved with. It wasn’t something he wanted to dwell much thought on, for now. There was every chance that it was all over with, wasn’t there? Who could know for sure?

//

Lucius closed the bedroom door, before then walking down to his study, glad that Narcissa and Severus were spending a litlte time together. He knew that he had hogged him over the last few days; but he didn’t want to give his wife any reason to be suspicious. He walked into his study, closing the door behind him, making a beeline for the drinks cart. He poured himself a generous brandy, before moving to stand by the fireplace. His thoughts were all over the place; mainly on fucking Severus, quite frankly. The power. The intensity of the connection between them. Had he felt it? Had he been able to feel it whilst fucking Cissy at the same time? He couldn’t be sure. 

He looked up as the door opened and smiled, “Ah. Hello there.”

He watched as Severus then walked in, closing the door again behind him. For a moment, he stayed where he was, not quite sure what to do with himself. Before then slowly, walking over to him. He set down his glass on the way, before then reaching out, taking hold of his face, pushing him back against the door and kissing him like he hadn’t kissed him in weeks. “All I can do is think of you,” he muttered against his lips. He then slowly sank down to his knees, unzipping Severus’s trousers. He groaned upon pulling him out, staring up at him for a moment, before then taking him in his mouth. There was no holding back here. He couldn’t help himself. “Slow, or fast…” He varied his movements, smirking as Severus’s hands tangled in his hair. “How am I to let you leave?” He moaned, nuzzling him before taking him in his mouth again. 

- - -

Severus moaned deeply as Lucius took him. He didn’t give him any sort of direction, because he knew exactly what he was doing. “I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered. 

This was all so confusing and conflicting. He didn’t want to hurt Narcissa, but he was finding it hard to stay away from her husband. Narcissa was still behaving normally with him, even after their night together. He supposed that was to be expected. She was a bit more affectionate, but it was nothing that would raise eyebrows. She certainly wasn’t doing this to him when Lucius wasn’t looking. Was this wrong?

Severus came hard, watching in awe as the blonde swallowed every drop. Perfect. A true vision to behold. 

“Will you show me how to do that?” Severus asked as he pulled him to stand. “Can you sit in your chair? I think it might be easier,” he said, pulling his trousers up to cover himself. His eyes followed him as he did as he asked and sunk down into his armchair. Severus knelt down on the floor between his legs and looked up at him, awaiting instruction. A blush crept across his cheeks with the way Lucius was looking at him. It was almost a sense of... pride. He had never been looked at that way before. 

Severus brought his hands up and undid Lucius’s trousers, pulling them down to his ankles. His cock sprung free and Severus really got a good look at it. He had been rather distracted the night before and hadn’t gotten up close and personal with it. He knew he had been big, but this was a little more than he expected. He could do it though. If he could take it in the arse, he could take it in his mouth. 

Lucius was a good teacher. Severus used his tongue as instructed, then took him in his mouth. He moved his head as he was told, and was happy he wasn’t just doing this blind. He much preferred someone telling him what to do. It helped his anxiety immensely. He felt much more comfortable with sex now that he’d done it. He hoped he would only get better with time. 

He flicked his eyes up to meet Lucius’s as he sucked him off. One hand was working the base of his cock and balls, while the other was caressing whatever he could of him. Their fingers intertwined and he squeezed his hand lovingly. He supposed their friendship had always been leading to this. It was just another facet of how close they truly were. They both felt this intensity, why shy away from it if everyone was happy?