sometimes sexy isn't so sexy

writing sex is hard. writing realistic sex is even harder. this is a collection of articles, resources, lists, and places for you to ask those questions that maybe you don't want to ask anyone else. 

[ilmascalzone]

SEX.

I would personally love it if it was more widely spread and accepted that sex is almost never like porn. It is silly, goofy, messy, sloppy, clumsy, sweaty. And it doesn’t always have to go all the way. It can go wherever you want and at whatever speed you want.and not everyone likes the same thing the same way. And there is no shame if you dont like it the same way someone else does. You will also have to take time to learn what you want and how your partner wants it. And it can be rough, sometimes embarrassing. But that’s ok. Because that’s how sex is.

Furthermore. It is ok to say if you dont like something. You don’t like biting? That’s fine. You love biting? That’s great. You don’t like oral? That is just fucking dandy. And if who you’re with doesn’t respect that, you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

[nii-neko-deactivated20160220]

[pikapeppa]

Smut 102: A tutorial on writing dialogue during sex

Hello all! I’m Pikapeppa (queenofkadara on AO3). I write a lot of smut – 68 scenes in 2018 – and I’m back with another post with advice on writing smut. (See here for my post on smut writing for beginners.)

Today’s topic is writing dialogue in smut: that is, writing conversations that take place during sex. I’ve had people comment before about how they enjoy the dialogue my characters have during their sex scenes, so I thought I’d write a little post about this.

Before we begin: every writer does things a little differently, and everyone has a way that works! This is what I do when I write dialogue during smut, so I am sharing in the hopes that it will be helpful to some aspiring writers out there. ❤️

The importance of dialogue during sex

Let me preface this by saying that I have written smut for 13 pairings to date, and the sex I write is pretty basic for the most part. I write primarily M/F pairings engaging in vaginal sex, oral sex and hand stuff, and I don’t write much in terms of kink aside from basic bondage and a little roleplay (and magic during sex, if we’re talking Dragon Age – Fen’Harel take me…). Given that the repertoire of sex acts I write is relatively limited, how do I keep it interesting?

We keep it interesting by keeping in mind that when reading and writing smut, it’s not just the sex per se that we’re interested in; it’s the characters who are having the sex that we’re interested in. This might sound obvious, but it’s crucial to remember that any sexual encounter involves two (or more!) characters who have their own distinct personalities, preferences, opinions, likes and dislikes. Sexual encounters are a great vehicle for exploring the relationship, and for learning more about who your characters are. No two pairings will have the same kind of sex because the social interactions between each pairing are unique, resulting in very different interactions during sex, even if the sexual acts or positions are the same.

To this end, what is one of the best ways to convey who your characters are? Conversations. You learn who a character is by seeing how they react and talk to the people around them, and this is just as true during sex as it is outside of the bedroom. In fact, sex is a great way to learn more about your characters, because the shedding of clothes and inhibitions lets you explore aspects of your characters’ personalities and relationships that your readers wouldn’t otherwise see. During sex, people show a different side of themselves: they can become less inhibited, bolder or more passive, more vulnerable, more awkward! – and all of these moods give you a way to explore different facets of your characters and their relationship.

Keep reading

[scandalsavagefanfic]

How does one get into the mindset to write smut? I've got all these ideas I so desperately wanna write but every time I try and do so I get weirdly embarrassed at my own work. It's frustrating.

Hey there!

I think the best place to start is... don’t be embarrassed ;)  I know that may sound easier said than done. But just try to relax. Read your favorite smut. Look at the comments and kudos and hits and bookmarks and know that, whatever your thing is, you’re not alone. Someone will love it. Undoubtedly, someone will hate it too but that’s ok. That’s just how the world works. We all have preferences and ‘nopes’. I’ve had surprisingly few issues with rude people, if that helps ease any fears. And you can always publish anonymously if you feel uncomfortable.

For me, I’m almost always, just, kinda in the mood write some porn :D  But I guess I kind of built up to that. Frankly, I hardly ever start with the smut. The sex scenes are this kind of nebulous, fluid, fluctuating moment that only solidifies once I start writing, once the characters start doing things. Even for the things I tag PWP, I almost always start with a scenario or an emotion or a relationship and the I kind of build up to it at the same time the story does. Which is why I rarely write scenes out of order. When I come up with an idea, it plays like a little movie in my head, play by play, shot by shot. Except for the smut. That’s always a fun little void and the characters usually kind do what they want when I get to that part and I just write it down (if that makes sense).

The only exception to this was Beautiful and Good. I’m not gonna lie, that whole thing came about because I wanted Damian to fuck Father Todd on the altar ;)

I’m not going to delete anything I wrote up there but it’s just occurring to me that you might not feel nervous about the actual smut and more about the writing. Which I totally get. My biggest issue when I started was “Is this hot? or does it sound silly and ridiculous?”

Honestly, I just closed out of my fic, spent the next few days revisiting some of my favorite smutty fics, then read mine with fresh eyes. Then I rewrote anything that seemed to veer more ‘ridiculous’ and kept everything that was at least closer to ‘hot’ than ‘ridiculous’ on the scale :D

If you’re still worried, you can always have a friend read it over or find a beta. 

I just realized my advice can be boiled down to ‘read more smut’ and I think that’s pretty valid life advice in general ;)  

But reading the type of stuff you want to write will always be solid writing advice (imho).

 And if you’re embarrassed because of the content--because of the type of smut you want to write--well, just try to remind yourself that plenty of people like it [doesn’t matter what it is, other people like it]. And there will always be judgmental types who may try to ruin it for you, but you can delete comments and block users. As long as you’ve tagged things appropriately, you have the high ground. And I know that anecdotes aren’t necessarily representative, but my personal experience has been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve only gotten like two bitchy comments and I honestly don’t have it in me to care about them. Dealing with rude and angry people is less about confidence and more about apathy ;)

So... swallow that embarrassment down like you-know-what and just write me some porn babe ;) <3

[drink-it-write-it-deactivated20]

NSFW Word Prompts

1. — Sated

2. — Insatiable

3. — Wanton 

4. — Delectable 

5. — Delirium 

6. — Lecherous 

7. — Pant

8. — Searing 

9. — Heady

10. — Carnivorous

11. — Burning

12. — Drenched

13. — Sinuous 

14. — Mewl

15. — Lap

16. — Lament 

17. — Simulative 

18. — Keen 

19. — Moan 

20. — Desperate

21. — Taste 

22. — Impulse 

23. — Pining 

24. — Yen 

25. — Avid 

26. — Throe

27. — Throbbing 

28. — Shameless

29. — Succulent 

30. — Pleasant 

31. — Gluttony 

32. — Taut

33. — Impulsion 

34. — Prod

35. — Thrust 

36. — Ram 

37. — Burrow

38. — Knead 

39. — Caress

40. — Junction 

41. — Suck

42. — Lave

43. — Nibble

44. — Tongue

45. — Tease

46. — Leach 

47. — Leak 

48. — Dampen 

49. — Permeate

50. — Whimper 

51. — Spasm 

52. — Squirm 

53. — Buck 

54. — Clench

55. — Arouse 

56. — Engorge  

57. — Satisfy 

58. — Beg

59. — Marking 

60. — Overstimulation 

61. — Nipple

62. — Friction 

63. — Erect

64. — Release 

65. — Primal 

[winewandsandwafflingpodcast]

@mrsren96 hung out with us last week to talk about smut and fanfic. The episode Talk Nerdy To Me will go live on Wednesday, but until then, enjoy this teaser from the show!

[leonardodavenzi]

What it is about smut that you like writing?

That is a really good question, thank you!

Keep reading

[casafrass-deactivated20210110]

How do I write a good smut fic?

Have the story flow. That doesn’t necessarily mean everything has to be perfect. Sex in real life usually isn’t absolutely perfect with no hiccups or giggles. They’re your characters and you want the scene to be smooth. But one can accidentally trip over their feet or take a moment to pull back the sheets. Make the characters feel like themselves.

Word choice is imperative. You don’t have sound, smell, touch, or taste on your side, nor do you have visual aids. Words matter. You don’t have to describe every single thing that’s going on. Be choosy about what you include. And please don’t say his orgasm tORE THROUGH HIM like he’s going through an exorcism. Use general language like pussy, dick, cock, etc. Please for the love of writing, don’t say his pulsing sword pierced her egg haven or anything like that. Awkward word choice is going to disrupt the atmosphere of your writing. Don’t make it sound like a biology textbook either. Uterus, testes, vulva... feels like I’m studying for an anatomy quiz.

Know ahead of time what kind of mood the smut is setting. Are your characters reuniting after a long time? Are they angry? Are they lonely? All of that will change how your writing comes across.

For me, the person actually coming is the hardest part to write (ha). You don’t want to drag it out but you don’t want them to hit the bed and then it’s over. Read it over, feel out what sounds right. If you were the reader, would you think some part’s going on too long?, etc.

People talk, okay? During sexy times too! Dialogue is good! They don’t have to recite soliloquies but you know, it’s a little strange when characters are silent. At least have them make some noise ;)

Have fun! Smut should not feel like a chore. If you’re not in the right headspace, don’t force yourself to write. It’s not going to come out how you want.

It’s going to take practice. I’ve been writing smut for about three years now and I still think anything I crank out is awful. But, you’re your own worst critic. You’ll never get better until you try.

[alma37]

I’ve always admired ff writers who can write smut like…

I can’t do that. I am more like…

[just-the-hiddles]

Tip Tuesday | To Smut or Not to Smut

Hello, hello!  Another Tip Tuesday here.  I decided to talk about smut.  Partly because I recently wrote the most filthy smut I ever wrote.  And I loved it.  So here are some tips about smut.

1.  Decide if you want a plot or not.  PWP or Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot is a thing.  And there is no shame in writing it.  Just like there is no shame in wanting to have plot in the story.  If you just want to write smut on smut, or maybe a shorter story, PWP is great.

2. Plot out the progression of the smut.  You can do this in your head or on paper, but I would make sure there is a natural progression in the activities. Kissing to groping, nudity, foreplay, sex, perhaps a change in position, who is coming first, who is coming more than once.  Just have a rough idea of what you want to accomplish in the scene.  Things should naturally build up so to speak.

3. Decide which words you will or won’t use.   You don’t have to use words you don’t like.  You are the writer that is your choice. I find the words “penis” and “vagina” to be very clinical.  I personally don’t like using the word “cunt” (I shudder as I typed that out).  It is just beyond vulgar to me to personally use but I know in other parts of the world it does not hold the same level of vulgarity as it does in America (damn our Puritan history!).  Some people hate the word “cum” or what not.  Just use words that you are comfortable with because otherwise things will feel stilted and awkward.

4. Kink or not to kink?  The subset question of to smut or not to smut.  There is nothing wrong with a little vanilla smut.  It is the bread and butter of smut.  You can survive and thrive on vanilla smut.  But don’t be afraid of a little kink every now and then.  Tie up someone.  Introduce a toy.  Play with power dynamics.  Just make sure you warn in the trigger warnings. 

5. Not every story needs smut.  I sometimes feels like that there can be a push to put smut into all your stories.  It is really not necessary.  Yes smut sells/gets the readers but I think a well-written story regardless of whether it is fluff, smut, and/or angst is the best way to get the readers to read and to stay and read some more.  And on the other side, it can be off-putting when it is clear that a smut scene has been forced into a story.  Write the story you want to write. 

There you go!  Until next week, loves!  

[she-who-fights-and-writes]

any tips on making it known that characters had sex without writing.a capital S Sex Scene? it feels unrealistic that the long term couples in my wips wouldn't have sex but i'm not feeling the idea of putting smutty scenes in

You can hint/reference sex without putting it into the story!

The best way to do it would be witty one-liners, whether it be description or dialogue:

[Partner] was almost as talented with (insert talent) as they were in bed.

“[Partner] would look great in this.” (referencing previously described skimpy clothing/lingerie)

It was really hard to concentrate on the meeting when [Partner 1] was sending [Partner 2] scandalous messages and pictures that [Partner 2] had to desperately click away from before a nosy coworker looked over their shoulder at the wrong time.

[Partner 1] was in the middle of a fantastic dream where [Partner 2] was just about to finish unbuttoning their shirt when they were rudely awakened by [Cockblock friend]

“Get a room!” 

If you talk about their sexuality in general, and not just “oh, yay, we had sex” people can infer that they have had sex before just by how they make raunchy jokes or make heated eye contact. 

However, if you want them to actually have sex during the time of the story, you sometimes have to be a little vague. But only a little bit! You don’t want the readers to be like “did they???” so you have to put in strong hints. 

Sometimes, the writer can’t hold the readers’ hands through everything, and they’re going to have to figure it out/interpret it themselves.

It always helps to start out with them kissing, so you know they’re feeling heated, and afterward you can insert one or a few of these details to show they progressed to something more:

They leave a trail of clothes to the bed/undress each other.

“Do you wanna...?” “Yeah, definitely.”

[Another character, the next day] “Wow, you two sure had fun last night.”

There are rose petals/candles/Careless whisper is playing/ other cheesy “sexy” things

People pointing out hickeys the next day/clothing or hair in arrears when they’re finished

“You’re the worst” “That’s not what you told me last night.”

Good luck!

[sexpositivewriting]

yet another stunning example of why we need comprehensive sex education, or access to good resources at least, has come across my dash and messages. 

writing technique aside, there are some problems here. so as a reminder:

1. virginity is a social construct and only holds as much importance as you let it to you and in your life. you are not required to give a shit about virginity. why? well, other than the biological definition of “a person who does not have sexual experience”, it ALSO means “an unmarried woman devoted to a religion”. that’s a different post for a different day, but this literally does not mean anything outside of what we attach to it. 

2. WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WHY, DO PEOPLE THINK THAT THE CLIT IS THE SAME PLACE WHERE YOU PUT A PENIS/VIBRATOR/OBJECT OF CHOICE, AS WELL AS THE SAME PLACE WOMEN PEE FROM. THIS IS NOT ACCURATE. HONESTLY, this one is as ridiculous as it is old. there are even instances where grown ass men who are MARRIED and have presumably had sex with the woman in question who think that when she gets pregnant and gives birth that the baby comes out of the clit. here we see a fledgling before they have evolved to that final state. 

3. as i’ve previously mentioned, SOME PEOPLE WITH VAGINAS ARE BORN WITHOUT A HYMEN. SOME HYMEN WEAR AWAY OVER TIME FROM THINGS LIKE SPORTS OR AGE OR MASTURBATION ETC. THE HYMEN DOES NOT NORMALLY COVER THE ENTIRE VAGINAL OPENING, AND WHEN IT DOES IT IS A MEDICAL CONDITION CALLED AN IMPERFORATE HYMEN AND CAN CAUSE ISSUES WITH PERIODS AS WELL. (x)

women are not capri suns, to paraphrase the original commentary on this post that i didn’t feel at all like hijacking. 

do yourself and your writing community a service and spend time doing your research when you are writing! and i don’t just mean for smut. if there is something you’re not sure about, check it. fact check yourself. if you do not actually have personal experience with something, look it up. and even if you do, you might want to double check that you got your information right. 

got examples of bad writing? examples of good writing? questions about writing? send them to @sexpositivewriting​ anonymously or otherwise!

[floraone]

So, in preparation for smutember, I'm about to make a few posts so I can backlink to them!

But here's the Tea on consent and it's one of the best analogies I've ever read:

This is photographed off of my copy of "More Orgasms Please: Why Female Pleasure Matters" by the Hotbed Collective and it's a brilliant, brilliant book. (And also one O referenced in The Unintentional Seduction of Chiba Mamoru. British ladies who have a sex-positive podcast, hint hint.)

[lesbianrey]

framing sex as one of the basic human needs is just wrong and coercive. you will not die without sex- sex is not a right. you are never entitled to sex the same way that you are entitled to food, water, oxygen, etc. it’s this mentality that fuels rape culture tbh.

[northisnotup]

Sex ≠ Intimacy

Intimacy/connection/love is a capital N Need for humans.

Sex is not.

[mischiefandi]

songs for kisses and sex (fan fiction inspo and other)

so I have this kiss playlist on my phone that I made, and I decided I was gonna share it with you and explain how I got inspired by each individual song!

Porcelain - Red Hot Chili Peppers

this makes me think of like really slow, really calm, lazy sex. like maybe in the middle of the night, your partner wakes you up and slowly you guys kiss and hold each other, just really slow, calm, sex.

Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers version

this is the song I want playing at my wedding for the first dance as a married couple, it’s the greatest love song ever written in my opinion and I can just picture the bride and groom slowly swaying together and kissing when the singer reaches that high note, it’s so powerful and beautiful

Feel Real - Deptford Goth

so this was in teen wolf and it’s the scene where malia and stiles kiss and lose their virginity to each other in the basement, and every single time I hear this song it reminds me of neck kisses haha

All We Do - Oh Wonder

this would be very sad, very melancholic sex, if that makes sense? like you’re both sad and under a lot of pressure for something and this is your way of releasing some tension and comforting each other

Tommy’s Party - Peach Pit

okay this song is one of my FAVES ever. I picture two best friends, they’re at a school dance, they’ve each got a date and they’re dancing to this song. and as they dance with their respective partners, they smile at each other, they’re close friends and they love each other. but as the song progresses, their smiles become a little sadder, they love each other but they’re not each others partners, because it would be too complicated, and they’re friends anyway, they can’t risk their friendship for what could be nothing. so they dance, and they’re both picturing themselves dancing with the other. and you’ve got these flashes where they’re apart and where they’re dancing together in their minds. and when the chorus reaches its peak, you’ve got all of these flashes of moments during their friendship, and suddenly they kiss and the world around them spins but they just kiss. and then towards the end of the song they look at each other from afar, because they’re not dancing with each other, they can’t. so they just look at each other, and wish they could be somewhere else with the other. (please don’t steal this haha I have an idea for a fic)

Permanent Honeymoon - Teen Ravine

another slow dance but this one is a couple haha

Apocalypse - Cigarettes After Sex

you’re watching a movie with your partner and suddenly they kiss you everywhere, really softly and you guys do it instead of watching the movie, sinful, goofy, lovely sex

Believer - Imagine Dragons

ooh okay this song, I picture two people, they can’t be together, like something very important makes it very clear that they cannot be with each other whatsoever, but they’re both extremely attracted to each other and they can’t take it anymore. so they give in and they just crash into each other, and one of them pushes the other against a wall but they don’t care because the kiss is just too good and don’t want to stop. so they’re kissing and it’s hot and passionate and all of their feelings are just bursting out of them

I’m On Fire - AWOLNATION

it’s summertime and a couple is lying on a sheet spread out in the garden on the warm grass, and they’re holding each other, just chatting and giggling, and they’re kissing each other softly under the sun, just spending nice quality time together

Dusk Till Dawn - ZAYN ft. Sia

so this would be a montage of scenes between two people who trust each other and are slowly falling in love with each other, and when the chorus starts with the: But you’ll never be alone, that’s when you cut to a scene where one of them is struggling with something and the other throws all caution to the wind and kisses them and it’s like they can breathe for the first time (this song goes great with Lydia and Stiles’ first kiss in Teen Wolf)

Crazy In Love Remix -Beyoncé

obviously this song had to be here. it’s mostly the chorus, but this would be for like sinful sex like on the kitchen counter, and it’s passionate and bad and wrong but it feels so good

Get Some - Lykke Li

Okay this, this would be like really playful sex, like a lot of teasing, quickly taking each other’s clothes off, just having a lot of fun! the tempo is pretty fast in this song so I think it fits perfectly

phew

lmao hope you enjoyed what my thirsty ass just wrote and I hope helps you get inspiration for whatever you’re working on! pls reblog if you like these! and don’t hesitate to listen to each song as you read my explanation, you’ll see what I’m talking about haha

[nonbinary-hawke-deactivated2021]

Mmmm. There’s a lot of posts telling ace people that it’s okay to want and have sex and telling aro people that it’s okay to want and be in a relationship, and those are great and important and true but also.

It’s okay to never want to have sex. It’s okay to never be okay with sex, to have a completely sex-free relationship, to never feel comfortable having sex because you’re partner enjoys it, to never find any sort of joy in sex.

And it’s okay to never want a serious relationship. It’s okay to not want to date and it’s okay to want to spend your life single. It’s okay to never be in a serious romantic relationship and it’s okay to never be in a serious platonic relationship and you never have to have a romantic or platonic partner no matter what anyone says.

It’s okay. You’re okay.

[sexpositivewriting]

Did you know condoms expire? Keep that in mind when you’re writing!