Sex Work 101

Tips and how-to advice from sex workers on tumblr. This includes sex workers in all areas of sex work. Tags to Follow (and search on here): strippers only camming sex work escorting prodomme sex worker problems phone sex operator sex worker perks (make suggestions) While this tumblog attempts to be a safe space for everyone, certain realities of the industry might make it uncomfortable at times. It's a job strife with racism, sexism, transphobia, and homophobia, and is sometimes hard to deal with. It's not harder to deal with than any other customer service job though. If you don't know the difference between consensual sex work and trafficking, you don't belong here.

[heysugarbb]

A quick guide to researching your SD or POT using Reference USA

Please message me if you have any questions!

[thesugaringescort]

Do not only ask him “Why he didn’t want her?”, but also ask “Why SHE didn’t want him?”

Chances are, as there are two sides to every story, he should be able to give you a different reason or a bit of her perspective as to why their arrangement didn’t work. If he can’t, he may be hiding something...

[thebloggingaurora]

Mental Switch

How do bartenders go to bars after work? How do servers go to restaurants? Can amusement park workers still enjoy going to a park on their day off?

  I’ve been stripping on and off for 2 years, and until last night, had not stepped into a strip club as a customer since I started dancing. I had only been a customer one time before. I didn’t stay me after walking in there. It was like the second the lights, the music, the smell hit me, I was in “work mode.” I couldn’t watch the stage without thinking about working and making money myself, I was watching and critiquing hustles, I was sizing up every customer in the room.

  I didn’t interact with a single customer that night besides the friend I went with. But when I left, I realized I was in the same guarded, put-off mood that I’m in when I leave the club after work. I’ve always noticed being in this specific mood when I leave a club after working. I don’t want anyone to talk to me, and I don’t want to be flirted with/touched – especially not in any sort of sexual manner. The absolute last thing on my mind is sex – the exact opposite of how most people walk out of a strip club.

  But I was a customer last night! I should’ve been on the other side of the equation! Relaxed, had fun, enjoyed the show, and feeling sexy… right? No… I wasn’t me anymore. I was Aurora.

  At least coming out of a club after working and being like that made sense. I brushed it off as an unfortunate, but completely understandable side effect of working such a job for 6 hours. You put yourself in work mode, you are no longer you – you are a sexualized, fantasy stripper persona, you deal with people chucking dollar bills at your ass and tits all night, pretend to be interested in whatever random person has become enraptured with you, and act like you’re really into grinding on them for 3 minutes of a random rap song.

  Sure, when you get out of there, it takes awhile to adjust back. That’s just common sense. For me especially, I’ve realized that I can’t handle being around people I actually care about right after work (the only exception having ever been significant others). Because at work (when I’m “Aurora”), I’m an actress – I’m not me. Everything is make-believe. I don’t care about the people I’m interacting with. I mean, I care about them as fellow human beings and genuinely care about their enjoyment of the evening and their experience, but ultimately, there is no personal connection for me. If that was me, we wouldn’t be talking, I wouldn’t have my top off, and I certainly wouldn’t be pretending to enjoy grinding their crotch 10 minutes and 15 compliments about my “bewbs” after meeting them. But I go through it, because I’m not me. I’m Aurora. And that’s truly just fine with me.

  But the second I’m out of there and faced with someone I do genuinely care about, I can’t be in that mode anymore. I don’t want to be Aurora for them, I want to be me. But I’m still not me. So a colossal amount of mental dissonance happens. I’m trying to come down and out of work mode and become me again, but I’m not there yet. Meanwhile, someone is talking to me who I can’t just pretend to care about, but I’m not in a place where me – where I – can listen and care because I’m not back in control yet. So this just results in me being frustrated and annoyed because they won’t stop talking and give me the space and silence to process my night and transition back to me. And I end up being a bitch and running away from them. I can’t handle it right then. And I can’t handle being touched once I’m away from the situation where it’s my job to just put up with/ignore it.

  As sad as all that sounds, I just deal with it. It’s a natural reaction to the job. Who wouldn’t be that way after a night of dealing with all that? And I truly wish I had better phrases to describe this than “put up with” and “deal with” because it’s not so much that… It’s just… being neutral, because, like I said – I’m not me so why would I care?

  But I wasn’t dealing with all that last night. I wasn’t dancing, I wasn’t hustling, I wasn’t talking to drunken idiots. But I wasn’t having fun. I had switched. I was, against my will, in work mode despite no work having been done, and after leaving the club, I still was. My friend talked all the way home, and it took everything I had not to tell him to shut up because I was trying to mentally process what I was going through and couldn’t concentrate on him at the moment. He tried to get with me when we got home, and I could not enjoy it. I did not want to be in the same room with another living soul, let alone be touched/groped by one in any way.

  Now that’s scary. That just that environment – just walking through those doors and being a “normal” person sitting on the other side of the bar still inspired such a strong mental switch to my stripper persona. You don’t hear about that in other jobs. I mean, I know there’s sayings like, “if you’re a chef, you don’t wanna cook when you get home” – so on and so forth… But is it the same thing? I feel like a chef can still walk into a restaurant on their day off and not instantly recoil at the idea of dicing onions later that night?

  Maybe it’s because in those jobs, you go to lots of bars and restaurants or amusement parks before working there? Your only experience is not that of “this is a place of work?” So you can cross over more easily in your personal life?

  Or maybe it’s because in those jobs, you’re still ultimately you. You may have to be more “corporate” or diplomatic than you’d like, but you’re still you. You still go by your name. I think the majority of people think that sex workers come up with fake names because of them – that we’re worried about stalkers. I think the truth is that we need them to protect us. They’re our separate identity. They are the only thing allowing me to go from “work mode” to “me mode,” otherwise there’d be too much overlap and that’s not good.

  I’ve always advocated it, but now I’m even more certain. Everyone looks down on “bitchy” porn stars, hookers, and strippers and says that only mean-ass, ghetto bitches get into this business. That the industry is riddled with girls with “attitude problems” and that’s why we can’t fit in anywhere else. No one ever stops to think that those girls were/are perfectly normal until they step foot into that environment. Why it is that they feel the need to develop such an attitude/persona. What it might be about their own behavior that is causing such a reaction in the girl they’re looking at. And that maybe, off-camera and out of the club, once they’ve come down from the work mindset, they might not even be that bad… I mean, how does your general day/night have to be for your mind to instantly switch to completely different thoughts/tolerance levels to protect you when you just step foot into the environment, regardless of if you’re even there to work or not?

  I don’t really like to talk about the dark side of the industry or the way it can fuck with you mentally. I don’t want people to pity me, or condemn the industry as evil. I’ve made my choices, and I can write a million more blogs about the great things about the jobs I choose to do. But this revelation hit me really hard, and I needed to talk about it to process it and “wind down.” And maybe it’ll help some people “get it” a little better should they ever wonder why I turn down a trip to the local strip club, or god-forbid they have the displeasure of running into me after I get off of work.

[sad-ism]

An attempt at the most comprehensive Stripper Guide available:

Prepping [Mentally] For Stripperdom:

Being in a clear, sound mental state is required to make solid money as a stripper. Not just suggested. REQUIRED. I don’t want any of this “I’m desperate for money so I’m gonna strip!”...

[soprettyitsugly-blog-blog]

I miss pole dancing soo bad, I don’t miss the environment and how easy it was to get caught up with the wrong people, and although we going to mess up up the rest of our lives the strip club life seems to make it easier, and this is coming from someone who did it for 3 years. I do however miss...

[sexwork101]

Is there a strong correlation between PTSD and sex work? My boyfriend is opposed to my sex work, because all of our friends who are sex workers have some sort of mental issue, including myself with PTSD and history of addiction. He has basically said, how can anyone say sex work is a healthy decision when it's so linked to past trauma? Can it be a healthy choice even if a sex worker has had sexual abuse in their past?

correllation and causation are still different things. There's lots of sex workers that have had shit happen in the past. Same goes for EVERY job. 

There's sex workers who haven't had shit happen either. 

Only you know what you can do safely and what you can't. I'm not qualified to give a dissertation on what misguided researchers think about our experiences. 

BUT, it's something that's been discussed. go to tumblr.com/tagged/sex worker problems and you'll see the issues people face. 

This makes me sound like a dick, but fuck what he says, it's your job and your life. IF you wanna do it, then do it, if you don't, then don't. 

It's a healthy choice if it isn't being coerced in any way. 

But it might help to make a list of PTSD triggers and keep those in mind when you're screening clients and choosing what kind of activities you engage in. These boundaries will be different depending on what kind of sex work you're engaged in, so keep that in mind. 

[narakakella-deactivated20170907]

[sexwork101]

What's the etiquette for escort clients becoming suddenly unresponsive/vanishing?

I don't know of any etiquette - honestly if your client vanishes, and especially if he was a regular, his wife probably caught on. (imo)

By no means are these friendships, he's paying for a service. Friendly, not friends. 

I had that happen a few times and they'd come back in a month or so, different number, you'll recognize him if he does most likely. 

If I'm missing what you mean, come back, anon, and lemme know. :)

[sexwork101]

gross clients and how to deal with them? xx

Depends on what kind of gross. I've just kinda held my nose and dealt because he was a great tipper, and I've also turned guys away. When they say something gross I've ignored it generally. 

If you're eating a client's ass and that's gross then use a flavored dental dam. Flavored lube can also help if it's stinky dick. Covered blowjobs are good for smegma clients (uncut dick that isn't clean).

If it's possible, introduce shower play into the session to clean out any nasty stuff. 

Anyone else wanna chip in on their gross clients? I can only speak from escort experience. 

Camming with gross clients would be different - you'd be able to block them, for example. 

Stripping would be different, too. 

But it's a balance of your strong stomach versus your need for cash. My need for cash was great enough that I handled some pretty gross stuff for it. 

[10110110011100-deactivated20201]

[TW: Rape] NOT SO FUN FACT

As recently as 1991, police in a southern California community closed all rape reports made by prostitutes and addicts, placing them in a file stamped “NHI.” The letters stand for the words “No Human Involved.” (Linda Fairstein, Sexual Violence: Our War Against Rape, 1993, New York, William Morrow.)

[artisansoulleader]

Fucking disgusting.

[sexwork101]

What kind of things do you want to know about sex work?

you can anon if you want, or just reply to this. We'll get some posts going for ya'll! 

<3

[audaciaray]

The Red Umbrella Project Memoir Writing Workshop is an eight-week long writing course for individuals with experience in the sex trades. The workshop is peer-led, intended for both experienced and first-time writers, and will cover the fundamentals of memoir writing. Writers who would like to work on shorter pieces or who have a longer work in progress are welcome to participate. Workshop participants have the opportunity to showcase their work in a reading at the Red Umbrella Diaries and in an issue of our literary journal, Pros(e).

The Spring 2013 session will take place in NYC April 1 – May 20 and online April 2 – May 28. Information on how to apply is here. Online sessions are only open to people who do not live in New York.

Applications for both sessions are due by Tuesday, March 19th at 10 pm EST. If you have any questions, please email [email protected]. 

[approachingsignificance]

Gotta love research.

Deep Inside: A Study of 10,000 Porn Stars and Their Careers

For the first time, a massive data set of 10,000 porn stars has been extracted from the world’s largest database of adult films and performers. I’ve spent the last six months analyzing it to discover the truth about what the average performer looks like, what they do on film, and how their role has evolved over the last forty years.

By Jon Millward

[clickerdogtraining]

Webcam girl questionnaire (by clickandtreatpets)

My video on webcam work

[sexwork101]

Super awesome Q & A about camming. 

[moxiehall-blog]

Callouses

And if you should happen to brush the skin of my palm and notice that it has hardened, just know that it is my protection from the hot friction of a smooth pole. If I can’t kneel very long, it’s simply because of the tenderness left by the stage floor’s cruel kisses. If I untangle myself from your embrace at night, it’s only because my hip joints ache when I hook my leg around your waist.

If you think that there can ever be a true separation of person from persona, think again.

The lines blur.

I’m still myself, yes, but there are marks I’ve earned from dancing that will never fade. Some are beautiful, like the new found strength in my arms, thighs, and resolve. Some, not so beautiful. I need not remind you of the fatigue, neck pain, and cynicism that have bloomed in the past months. The callouses both protect and disfigure, for better or for worse.

My persona isn’t “me,” but she and I are not entirely separate either. If only it were that simple.

[notyrcisterpress-blog]

Queens, Hookers, and Hustlers:  Organizing for Survival and Revolt Amongst Gender-Variant Sex Workers, 1950-1970

a selection from Mack Friedman’s Strapped for Cash: A History of American Hustler Culture

From the Introduction:

“The history of the resistance of gender-variant misfits and rebels is incomplete without understanding the central role of hooker networks that united hustlers, queens, hair fairies, and radicals during the 1950s and ’60s, a pivotal era that led to the first gay riots that had the police fleeing the streets in San Francisco and New York. Yet most published accounts of “transgender” history neglect a thorough examination of street queen and hustler culture. We know vaguely about the admirable radical exploits of Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, and the Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries, yet few authors have situated their projects (opening houses for trans kids on the street, hustling for rent and for raising funds for the radical wing of Gay Liberation) within a history in which these practices were regular occurrences among the informal networks of queens and hustlers turning tricks and defending each other from violence in many urban areas across the United States.”

Download the on-screen version

Download the printable version

[did-you-know]

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