Greetings friends, I am Shade Ilmaendu.
She/her, It/Its, chaotic bisexual genderfluid gremlin, 33
Furry, Artist, Writer, Roleplayer, Poet
All around lover of many beautiful and awful things.
Multipurpose blog RP, fanfic, art, poetry, reblogs galore and many silly and thoughtful things
Stay a while, if you care to. I don't bite.. often.
MCU, Loki, Bucky Barnes, LOTR, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, CentaurWorld, WTNV
~~Short About~~
This is a mixed blog! You’ll find RP, fandom posts, my art and writing, memes, informational posts... really all kinds of things, I apologize to anyone who follows me for only one kind of content - you’re not gonna get that. I don’t have any sideblogs, so everything all gets dumped here babeyy.
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I am selectively open to new RPs either on here or via discord!
Looking to begin publishing my fics here on tumblr as well as branch out with my writing. I’m not ready to open for requests yet, but in the future I would like to give it a shot!!
If doing character asks, please specify which muse!
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Current Hyperfixations:
Bucky Barnes lord help me.
Loki, Sylvie, Sylki, yes.
WTNV - currently relistening to all of itttt.
~disclaimer~
I suffer from a handful of mental and physical illnesses that can sometimes make functioning difficult. Some of these conditions incur chronic pain, and flare ups, bad days, mood shifts and so on can mess me up a lot.
So if I’m ever slow to reply, or miss a fic request or comment, or come off in some unintended way in a post I promise, it’s not you - it’s just my brain. I am find with being poked and reminded about things as long as it’s not excessive.
1. I am open for canon, canon-divergent and AU RPs with canon characters or OCs!
2. I am 33 and I require RP partners to be over the age of 18. Age MUST be in bio.
3. Open to RPs of all ratings and ships as determined by plot and chemistry.
4. Any adult writings will be tagged as such and beneath a page break.
5. I’m very adaptable with my roleplay replies! If you want multi-paragraph RP with all the trimmings I can do that! If you prefer shorter form, I can do that too. All I really need is for replies to at least be a couple of sentences and i am happy to adapt within that scope.
6. I typically write third person, past tense, but I am willing to adjust if a partner prefers something different.
7. If we are writing with longer replies, I am okay with minor things being written for my character if it fits! Such as being led somewhere, the continuation of some action from the previous reply, and so on. If something goes too far I’ll be sure to let you know - I’m quite easygoing but I don’t want to be god-modded either.
8. I can be a little shy/awkward but I can promise I’ll always be kind!
9. I like to talk plot in ooc. Check in with how people are feeling about things, talk about replies or upcoming plot points to be on the same page, clarify things, etc. I encourage my RP partners to do the same - I am very happy to hash things out, plot together or make corrections and clarifications if need be.
10. I do have some triggers and limits when it comes to RP but I would rather discuss those privately as opposed to posting them up out here. I have very few hard limits overall though.
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Wil write: Most things to be honest. I can do fluff, I can do angst, I can do smut and any combination of those. I am comfortable with most adult and difficult topics. I LOVE writing combat, and I really should do more whump. Most kinks are alright. Will mess with incest and certain flavors of dubcon/noncon.
Won’t write: Underage NSFW, Kinks involving scat or vomit or other very dirty sorts of kinks.
Might write: Darker noncon scenes (in fics, I can’t handle it in a RP) , kinks/characters I am not familiar with, really if anything isn’t on one of these lists just ask. I can write about a character throwing up or being sick but would prefer not to go into great detail as it can be a trigger for me.
The data does not support the assumption that all burned out people can “recover.” And when we fully appreciate what burnout signals in the body, and where it comes from on a social, economic, and psychological level, it should become clear to us that there’s nothing beneficial in returning to an unsustainable status quo.
The term “burned out” is sometimes used to simply mean “stressed” or “tired,” and many organizations benefit from framing the condition in such light terms. Short-term, casual burnout (like you might get after one particularly stressful work deadline, or following final exams) has a positive prognosis: within three months of enjoying a reduced workload and increased time for rest and leisure, 80% of mildly burned-out workers are able to make a full return to their jobs.
But there’s a lot of unanswered questions lurking behind this happy statistic. For instance, how many workers in this economy actually have the ability to take three months off work to focus on burnout recovery? What happens if a mildly burnt-out person does not get that rest, and has to keep toiling away as more deadlines pile up? And what is the point of returning to work if the job is going to remain as grueling and uncontrollable as it was when it first burned the worker out?
Burnout that is not treated swiftly can become far more severe. Clinical psychologist and burnout expert Arno van Dam writes that when left unattended (or forcibly pushed through), mild burnout can metastasize into clinical burnout, which the International Classification of Diseases defines as feelings of energy depletion, increased mental distance, and a reduced sense of personal agency. Clinically burned-out people are not only tired, they also feel detached from other people and no longer in control of their lives, in other words.
Unfortunately, clinical burnout has quite a dismal trajectory. Multiple studies by van Dam and others have found that clinical burnout sufferers may require a year or more of rest following treatment before they can feel better, and that some of burnout’s lingering effects don’t go away easily, if at all.
In one study conducted by Anita Eskildsen, for example, burnout sufferers continued to show memory and processing speed declines one year after burnout. Their cognitive processing skills improved slightly since seeking treatment, but the experience of having been burnt out had still left them operating significantly below their non-burned-out peers or their prior self, with no signs of bouncing back.
It took two years for subjects in one of van Dam’s studies to return to “normal” levels of involvement and competence at work. following an incident of clinical burnout. However, even after a multi-year recovery period they still performed worse than the non-burned-out control group on a cognitive task designed to test their planning and preparation abilities. Though they no longer qualified as clinically burned out, former burnout sufferers still reported greater exhaustion, fatigue, depression, and distress than controls.
In his review of the scientific literature, van Dam reports that anywhere from 25% to 50% of clinical burnout sufferers do not make a full recovery even four years after their illness. Studies generally find that burnout sufferers make most of their mental and physical health gains in the first year after treatment, but continue to underperform on neuropsychological tests for many years afterward, compared to control subjects who were never burned out.
People who have experienced burnout report worse memories, slower reaction times, less attentiveness, lower motivation, greater exhaustion, reduced work capability, and more negative health symptoms, long after their period of overwork has stopped. It’s as if burnout sufferers have fallen off their previous life trajectory, and cannot ever climb fully back up.
And that’s just among the people who receive some kind of treatment for their burnout and have the opportunity to rest. I found one study that followed burned-out teachers for seven years and reported over 14% of them remained highly burnt-out the entire time. These teachers continued feeling depersonalized, emotionally drained, ineffective, dizzy, sick to their stomachs, and desperate to leave their jobs for the better part of a decade. But they kept working in spite of it (or more likely, from a lack of other options), lowering their odds of ever healing all the while.
Van Dam observes that clinical burnout patients tend to suffer from an excess of perseverance, rather than the opposite: “Patients with clinical burnout…report that they ignored stress symptoms for several years,” he writes. “Living a stressful life was a normal condition for them. Some were not even aware of the stressfulness of their lives, until they collapsed.”
Instead of seeking help for workplace problems or reducing their workload, as most people do, clinical burnout sufferers typically push themselves through unpleasant circumstances and avoid asking for help. They’re also less likely to give up when placed under frustrating circumstances, instead throttling the gas in hopes that their problems can be fixed with extra effort. They become hyperactive, unable to rest or enjoy holidays, their bodies wired to treat work as the solution to every problem. It is only after living at this unrelenting pace for years that they tumble into severe burnout.
Among both masked Autistics and overworked employees, the people most likely to reach catastrophic, body-breaking levels of burnout are the people most primed to ignore their own physical boundaries for as long as possible. Clinical burnout sufferers work far past the point that virtually anyone else would ask for help, take a break, or stop caring about their work.
And when viewed from this perspective, we can see burnout as the saving grace of the compulsive workaholic — and the path to liberation for the masked disabled person who has nearly killed themselves trying to pass as a diligent worker bee.
I wrote about the latest data on burnout "recovery," and the similarities and differences between Autistic burnout and conventional clinical burnout. The full piece is free to read or have narrated to you in the Substack app at drdevonprice.substack.com
#I can sense I'm not at full capacity and I don't think I ever will be again#when things start to get even a bit too stressful these days I start getting insane psychosomatic symptoms#I get migraines my nose bleeds my ears ring I can't eat I can't sleep I get dizzy and asthmatic and depressed#my therapist and I like to talk about it as if I was poisoned by stress and now my body has an out of control instinctive reaction to it#but also I just accept that the good part of burning out was that I can just never push myself that hard anymore#I will never again what I was but also being that sucked ass. so. these days I'm just taking it easy but taking it
#i clinically burned out in high school#i lost the ability for adrenaline/stress to motivate me to do anything#i had to relearn how to do EVERYTHING#i do sort of have a stress response back now#but it definitely does not work as well as pre-burnout#not that i’m testing that. lol#but the few years after burnout were actually very peaceful. i simply could not be stressed out i was incapable of it#i’m forever greatful i hit this point in high school because otherwise i would have inevitably hit it in college#where it would have had way worse consequences
Two sets of responses on this post that I think are so illuminating of what happens behind the scenes during a burnout. The body becomes so stress reactive that the cocktail of urgency/overwhelm/guilt/etc that you were running on previously no longer works, and strikes you as threatening, which means you become a lot more sensitive to smaller signs of stress in your life, which forces you to take things easier for a very long time. which given adequate supports can be great.
Money fucking sucks. It distorts everything: relationships, decisions, timelines, who gets to feel safe and who doesn’t. It turns something like “home” into a math problem. That’s brutal, and unfair, and I hate it so much.
sometimes i think about how fucking hardcore the nowhere king was. you know like from funny centaurworld. i liked the show well enough but it just hit you in the face at the end. like. "btw you cannot suppress the part of yourself you hate forever and you only create your own monster in trying to deny who you are. love wasnt enough. you destroyed lives for this. she hates you."
and then it just goes "lala funny sparrow falls in love with a skeleton"
a post will have 500 notes and only 48 of them will be reblogs. i promise you that reblogging something will not ruin your aesthetic on this utterly swagless website.
While we’re talking about censorship, I need everyone to stop playing this little amnesia game where we pretend not to remember what internet and fandom has looked like for the past 20 years. Weird and taboo porn has always existed, it used to be a LOT easier to access, and you won’t die if you look at it. We simply cannot continue placating the crazy mob of people who are scared of sex and love overstating harm, they’ll call you a pedophile literally no matter what, and they’ll roll around in their cognitive dissonance like a hog in mud when you point out that the other group calling you a freak and a pedo are the conservative alt right. Fucking exhausting being a fag and a pervert in 2025.
hate when people are always like "oh audiences don't want 22 episode seasons anymore they want shorter seasons and tighter storylines!" and then you look at the shorter season and it has multiple episodes longer than an hour, sometimes even rivaling or surpassing the average length of a marvel movie, with the worst pacing known to mankind and somehow everything is still rushed , and it's like actually ☝️ i would love a 22 episode season of 25 or 40 minute well-paced episodes with an arc that unfolds at a reasonable speed and suspense over the full season's runtime. which is probably the same damn length minutewise as your 10 episode crime against god at this point.
I actually don't know a single person - especially actual TV fans - that don't long for the return of the 22-24 weekly episode format. We want the filler episodes, we want the long running arcs. We want resolution to those arcs, instead of being left with more questions than answers. We wants to get to know the characters and their lives. We want the context. We want the emotional depth.
I think a lot of autistic taking-things-literally goes under the radar because what the diagnostic tests and shit ask about is not what that generally looks like in an adult and often not in kids either and much more importantly it’s not what generally actually causes problems in real life instead of being irritating for caretakers or funny to bullies or easy to diagnose
I have absolutely no issues understanding metaphors or idioms. When someone says their heart is on their sleeve they mean they’re emotionally expressive and openly display their feelings, not that they have a chunk of cardiac tissue on their shirt. I very rarely have issues with sarcasm. I sometimes have issues telling when someone who’s said something mean is about to say “just kidding”, but tbh I think that’s more on them than me.
BUT
My grandmother asked me “Do you know when the trash was taken out last?” and I said “I think Eliot took it out yesterday” and a few hours later she yelled at me for “not taking out the trash when I asked you to” and I was like???? You didn’t ask me????
I dread filling out forms and am crap at filling out diagnostic tests or personality quizzes because there are always questions I don’t know the exact answers to (how am I supposed to know what day I got dental surgery seven years ago?) or don’t understand exactly what they’re asking or the wording’s unclear and they could mean this or the wording says this but I’m pretty sure what they actually meant was this and should I answer what they said or what they meant, and how does everyone else just whip through the form when surely they can’t know all the answers either? Does everyone else remember the day they got dental surgery seven years ago?
I get tangled up by bureaucracy because the rules on the website say that for this you need that and for that you need the other and for the other you need something else for which you need the first thing, and I go in circles for hours or days or weeks or months or years because their stated rules say there is no way to get what I need, and when I talk to somebody else they’re like “just call them?” and I’m like “how could that help? the rules say that what I’m trying to do is impossible”
And all of that? That’s how “taking things literally” ACTUALLY affects your life as an adult. It’s not “haha you think ‘getting under your skin’ means parasites”. It’s “you have real difficulty functioning in the world because everyone else is conveying things through implication and assuming that you know that rules are flexible and questions are approximate and you’re supposed to lie on job applications, and you don’t”.
Getting kidnapped as a superhero is rather embarrassing, but at least you were certain that your friends would rescue you. Which is why it came as a massive shock to you to see one of your villains bust the door of you cell open and unlock your restraints.
There once was a man from the sticks
Whose limericks stopped at line six.
They were fine till line five
Then they took quite a dive —
But the problem is easy to fix
If you just ignore the last line, it doesn't even follow the rhyme scheme oh god I've really lost control of this thing I'm so sorry...
There once was a fellow named Dan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He replied, "Yes, I know--
It's because I try to squeeze as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."
On Tumblr did lasses and lads
Their way with fail poetry had.
You're having your fun
But you're fooling no one -
It takes skill to do something this bad.
explaining how honestly incredible and good centaurworld is to people is infuriating because if I go up to you and say "centaurworld has a character with a really beautiful arc about how a person born from neglectful and abusive parents can become a better parent than the people before him and his name is durpleton" you'd think I'd gone fucking insane
"My son has been brutally killed and I seek revenge," said the Queen. "You have my sword." proclaimed the Hero. "And my bow," added the Archer. "And my magic," intoned the Mage. "And my gun," quipped the Ranger. "AND MY AXE!" exclaimed the Warrior. "And your son!" replied the Necromancer.
