PM - Kavar
Get inside your head, and shove terrible, incorrect thoughts down your throat. Do not feel shitty for letting them cross, try correcting them. Counter them with good things.
Don’t apologize for letting things out, either. I know it is hard not to, but you must. At least don’t ever apologize to me for it. Scream it, instead. Make the world listen to your rage and allow yourself that release.
I have corrected them, chewed their fucking asses out for being so incorrect and rude and... just everything that they are. But it doesn't change, doesn't stop how they treat me or how I feel about myself. It's as if my words are looked over.
But I am sorry, I'm sorry for being a fucking mess. For being a screw up on so many levels, so much so that nothing I do will change anyone's mind on me. I just-- I don't know anymore. It doesn't matter whether I rant to some fucking anon or yell it off the top of the roof of some building, even if I did all that no one would look at me differently. There are people here that hate me, of that I'm sure, they blame me for things that I didn't do and for hurting someone that I never meant to hurt. Two someone's actually. I didn't mean for things to end the way they did with either person, but they did and I hate that I hurt them so much. I can't make it better because I don't know how. And for that I'm hated. Every night I... I have nightmares of what could be happening to this person, of where they are and I'm just terrified but no one understands that I still care, I just can't not care. They seem to forget I'm human and I make mistakes, some that even I can't fix.
