please don't watch jojo

"discourse" sideblog. nb lesbian, adult click here for details

[shadowdios]

the adamtots comic with the little girl wanting to watch paranorman is about homophobia and heteronormativity.

the idea is that the mom doesn’t want her daughter watching it because it has “gay characters” in it (when the only gay character in the film casually namedrops having a boyfriend One Time at the end), and the little girl ends up seeing dozens of movies where straight characters have far more obvious and intimate relationships, i.e. kissing on-screen.

homophobes cannot handle the lightest, briefest possible mention of a gay character—so small some viewers never even noticed it—but are fine with showing their children the most obvious and open heterosexual love possible in a children’s film. we don’t get movies of gay characters doing the same thing (or if we do, they don’t reach the same heights of popularity) because of homophobia and heteronormativity

so every time someone tags it as “amatonormativity” i want to scream. the problem is not that these characters are romantically involved, and it never has been. that’s like saying “well actually, all of these movies suck!” it helps no one.

frankly, it leads me to the idea that amatonormativity as a term helps no one.

[fite-club]

gay conversion therapy: emotional abuse, physical assault, electroshock therapy, being given drugs to induce nausea and forced to watch gay porn until it makes you throw up, literal camps you get sent to and can stay at for years, etc

asexual conversion therapy: a doctor asks if your lack of sexual attraction is an issue you'd like to solve with medication

[colorisbyshe]

also i’m getting more and more tired of the term “sex repulsed.” it has meaninful value if you’re talking about not wanting to have sex yourself and the idea of having sex yourself causing you anxiety

i still think that’s something you should work on, the same way i think experiencing extreme distress over ANYTHING should be worked on. doesn’t mean you should all go out slinging pussy or whatever but some therapeutic work to analyze this might offer some good insight

but “sex repulsion” in terms of “i experience distress even being aware of OTHER peopel having sex and seeing it at all in the media” is like… a go straight to therapy level issue. that isn’t asexuality that IS a symptom

i’m gonna use the food symbolism y’all love so bad but like… i have a very sensitive stomach. eating food i don’t like doesn’t just taste bad to me, it gives me stomach aches and makes me gag. i could probably work on expanding my tastes so i have less extreme reactions but it’s honestly no biggie if i stay like this.

if i started freaking out because i saw someone ELSE eating foods i don’t like and having intense emotions and gagging because of that… i need help. there is something going on thwt should be worked on.

[colorisbyshe]

Can you explain why you dislike micro-labels and find them Biphobic? I personally don't think that it really matters and would be interested to hear your opinion.

First off, I should be paid things for answering asks like this.

All microlabels do is divide people who previously existed in solidarity with each other.

I'm gonna let you in on the "biromantic polysexual panopticism omniscient" crew's biggest secret, which isn't that they are just biphobic bisexuality, but that ALL of them are in response to the idea that bisexuals are inherently too sexual and too shallow, that they are attracted to multiple genders not due to sincere attraction but simply due to a lack of standards. We're too horny, too stupid, too greedy to actually just stick with the gender we're ACTUALLY attracted to.

Classic biphobia.

It’s not even wrong to be sexual or have “low standards” or just want to fuck or whatever. And yet you’ll cave in to people saying it is just to clear your own ego--you want to separate yourself because you think it’s wrong.

Instead of standing up for bisexuals on the whole, these people choose to throw the rest of us under the bus. "THEY are everything you think they are but not me. I'm biromantic, I don't even feel sexual desire. I'm not horny like THEM. I'm pansexual, I don't even SEE gender! I'm not obsessed with genitals like you transphobic, horny fucks who are so sex driven you can't even see a person for their humanity. I fall in love with HEARTS not GENDER, unlike you shallow people with your low standards."

There is no solidarity, just a desperate tug and pull on the identity, splitting it apart at the seams, to get some scrap of dignity you think can't be found when the identity is kept together.

And you can't even fucking deny that? Why feel the need to clarify all these things if you think they're already included within bisexuality? Why isn't there a "trans inclusive" version of any other labels? Why can gay and lesbian and straight be used for aces but bisexuals can't be asexual? Why do we need to clarify that we "don't fall in love with gender" as if that's how it works for anyone else? As if lesbians' quota for a partner is just "woman" (transphobic definitions may or may not apply)? It certainly fucking isn't.

And like... I'm not even gonna get into how this death by a thousand cuts, none of us have solidarity with each other shit, makes zero sense. Like... do pansxuals need different resources or spaces than bisexuals? No, then why do they need different labels? What's the point? Why separate us on a linguistic level and create enmity based on that if there is no.. actual different needs?

Why demand every person attracted to all genders parse out their exact feelings (are you attracted based on shallow reasons or are you One Of The Good Ones because you: don't feel sexual attraction, don't "see gender," "fall in love with hearts," "see all genders equally") and put them on display? What is the benefit? Do I have to change labels when I have a depressive episode and my libido is dead and MAYBE I experience sexual attraction but I'm too depressed to like... actually feel or recognize it? Am I biromantic until further notice?

Whats the fucking point of it all besides separating us from each other?

Do we need separate labels for bisexuals whose primary point of interest is shared hobbies and bisexuals whose primary point of interest is actually finding someone with complementary but different interests? Different bisexual labels based on love languages (other fucking microlabel obsessed hogwash)? I'm a tits bisexual, are you an ass bisexual? Lets divide up our resources based on that.

I think if you met your partner and naturally fell in love with them, you should haev a different label from someone who met their partner on a dating app. If you met in high school, a different label from those who met in college or grad school.

Why not?

How are any of those less valid than "I like every gender equally" separating us and creating this stupid fucking war that distracts us from the actual shit that matters?

Why are we so obsessed with setting ourselves apart when all we need right now is to come together? Why is your individualism more important than our collective needs?

[deepseasmetro]

like "aphobia isn't real" does not mean "ace/aro people are not pressured into sex, marriage, and other relationships; ace/aro people are not coerced into sex against their will; ace/aro people are not ignored/erased/denied their existence; ace/aro people don't face medical discrimination or pressure to "fix" themselves" - it means "those things are not happening as a result of some social force known as 'aphobia'". the social pressures and violence around sex and sexuality do not arise from an opposition to "asexuality", nor are they remotely unique or even "worse" for asexual people. and again all of this isnt even touching on the fact "asexual" isnt even an agreed upon class of people - if asexual people can have sex, and aromantic people can enter lifelong close relationships with people they might live with and build lives with, how is their material reality different from that of anyone else?

[deepseasmetro]

women who don't have sex with their husbands because those husbands are abusive, or bad at sex, or even just unattractive to their wives, are still subjected to medical pressure and abuse to coerce them into having that sex. gay people, famously, undergo things like conversion therapy to pressure and coerce them into having heterosexual sex. post-partum women are given "husband stitches" to make their vulva more pleasurable for a cis man to penetrate. nobody, and i mean nobody, is remotely spared from this systemic violence to coerce you into heterosexual sex - except cis men, sometimes (but even they experience social pressure to have "the right kind of sex" - of course, this pales in comparison to the forces of misogyny and homophobia at work elsewhere!).

we could be speaking about these issues together, and recognizing them all as facets of heterosexism and patriarchy being upheld on everyone, instead of insisting that unless you agree on the word "aphobia", you must have no desire to relieve these pressures on asexual people.

[plaidos]

i am really not looking forward to tumblr pretending that JK Rowling posting one mean (and yes obviously bigoted) tweet about asexual people is the same thing as spending the last ten years of her life (& millions of pounds) dedicated to stripping trans women specifically of all of our rights.

[plaidos]

literally. when i see people say “oh she’s working her way up through the queer community” all i can hear is “first they came for the trans women, but I did nothing because I am not a trans woman”. the response has made it utterly clear that people don’t give a shit about transmisogyny.

[lakevida]

my coworker told me hes "straight but maybe demisexual" and i explained that a man who is only sexually attracted to women he personally knows is still, by all definitions, heterosexual and he seemed a little disappointed by the news

[lakevida]

by tumblrs calculations its queer for a straight man to fuck no strings attached but its also queer for a straight man to like a woman before he has sex with her so if you think about it the real faggots are cishet guys. we should start yelling it from cars

[throathole]

Somehow I don’t think your 80 year old peepaw with dementia saying you don’t have to love a broad in order to screw her is him saying “aromantic rights” tbh

[butchfagminotaur]

i don’t know how to explain to people who aren’t lesbians and ESPECIALLY white cishet men that “lesbians can totally want to fuck men too” is not a cool progressive take but actually an aggressive reinforcement of what cishet society already wants to be the case

[lostryu]

being bisexual and being a lesbian are two exclusive terms that cannot coexist in the same space. they are two vastly separate experiences and you cannot be both. Be proud to be bisexual or be proud to be a lesbian. you don't need to cater to the biphobes and lesbophobes in order to be more palatable.

[shadowdios]

the post:

the dumbass comments:

truly it is a classic tumblr experience to take a post for LESBIANS and make it into something for non-lesbian asexuals. lesbophobia is eternal.

for the record, here’s an actual respectful comment from an asexual:

look! a funny and relatable comment. yay!

[no-pennies4thoughts]

So wait I can't be aspec because I have sex?? I don't feel romantic attraction like at all and you call that preference?? I'm sorry me not liking romance and being grossed out when it's performed on me is just as Valid and your sex repulsion. Saying Aromantic is just a preference is wild. if you are making that point then asexuality is not a sexuality either. Romance repulsion is just as valid as sexual repulsion. Like what,? Since when has aspec mean only asexual? Like why would kick aromantic allosexuals out of the aspec community. Not feeling romantic attraction is definitely not normal. it's not bad either. Please can you stop being hateful and rude to your fellow queer community. What you are saying or incredibly harmful for aromantics especially if they are not ace.

Not normal?

Asexuality is normal.

Bisexuality is normal.

Being gay/lesbian is normal.

Being straight is normal.

Our community is NOT for the abnormal. Its not for the weird and strange people of the earth. There are weird straight people with different desires for relationships. There are weird gay/bisexuals who have different things they want out of a relationship. And there are weird asexuals who want unique things in a relationship. Heck, there are bi/gay/straights who want no relationship at all-- but arent asexual because they experience attraction. Cuz its not about what you want/are comfy doing. Its just about 'who' you like.

Not liking romance is not a sexuality. Not liking sex is not a sexuality. That is in fact a preference. And sure, it'll make finding partners hard. But so will a million and one other things about a person.

And yeah, the SAM makes it so asexuality acts as a preference rather than a sexuality in it's own right. And thats why I dont like it. Asexuality is a sexuality in its own right.

And 'cant' is a strong word friend. You came onto my blog. I never once said you can't call yourself what ever. I have no right to tell someone what they can and can't call themselves regardless of how I feel. And I've never done so. I won't tell you what to ID as. You asked for my opinion and I gave it. I did not say what you are allowed to do. I just said my beliefs. Me stating them on my personal blog is not shoving it down your throat.

And please. If we're taking about hate. Can you not think of our community as the club for the 'weirdos.' And not associate sexuality as the act of 'sex' itself. We get enough of that already without our own community pushing that idea. Odd balls are in every group. We are coming together due to our natural attraction-- that we cannot help and is absolutely normal. The only weird things would be personality or what someone wants in a relationship. Which exist outside a sexuality.

Anymore responses will likely be ignored unless they're actual conversation and not both of us just talking to a brick wall.

[justagaymoth]

Honestly normal was the wrong word. I used that word because alloromantics see aromantics as weird and not normal. I don't think sex is the only thing that makes a sexuality a sexuality romantic attraction can also make a sexuality. A lesbian can be a lesbian if they are only romantically attracted to women and nonbinary people. There is a problem with seeing romantic repulsion as a preference it's no different than seeing asexual as just not wanting sex. Both aromantic and asexual are complicated sexualities with grey area. I appreciate your clarification that there is grey area in asexuality based on your earlier posts and username. However I do not appreciate you saying being aromantic and romance repulsed is a preference. I don't think you would appreciate if I said that about asexuality. I asked you because I saw hypocrisy in your points so I asked for further clarification and I got that so I thank you for that. It is definitely not okay to say a sexuality is a preference when a lot of aromantics are grossed out by being in romantic relationships or when people have crushes on us. I hope this finds you in good health. All sexualities have grey areas.

[no-pennies4thoughts]

Aromatism is apart of the SAM. So yes, I see it as a preference. Romance repulsion is a personal preference. Its what you want/dont want out of a relationship-- existing entirely seperate from 'who' you are attracted too.

Knowing you don't like romance is important. Its extremely good for you to know that about yourself. However, this is very much 'what you want out of a relationship.' Which is no romance in this case. Its a 'what' or a 'how.' It says nothing about 'who.'

Why is this such a big deal?

Because preference are capable of change. Capable being a key word here. I have a friend who's sex repulsed and likely always will be. I myself however grew out of my sex repulsion as I medically transitioned and actually was able to view my body as my own. Will you ever grow out of romance repulsion? I cant say. And thats okay. You're still perfectly capable of a happy healthy life regardless of if you do or not. Thats your own personal journey and I sincerly hope it does end well no matter how you grow as a person.

However, it is still a possibility. On a broad sense, preferences are capable of change. Not garenteed. But capable.

Sexuality is not. It cannot change. No amount of anything will ever make me like men. It cant change. Its fixed. Its very very important that is is fixed and unchangeable as its WHY our activism is so strong. We are natural and normal as we are. We cannot be changed. Its why its so important be allowed to exist as we are-- because it is who we are and will always be.

When you start calling preferences (which are capable of changing) sexualities you open the door to stating that sexuality can change. And I have seen so many people within the SAM part of the community claiming just that with no shame. Stating out right that sexuality can change, you can change it whenever you want, and nothing is fixed. While I encourage not bogging people down to a single word and allowing gray area and fluidity into self identification-- stating that sexuality is capable of change is a massive homophobic blunder. And I cannot in good conscious sit and be okay with people claiming otherwise.

That said, I also can't in good conscious take someones right to self identify as they wish away. If you want to use those terms, I have no right to stop you. I refuse to stop you. It is very important that everyone have the right to call themselves what ever they want, and be who ever they want to be. Everyone deserves to be themselves and be happy.

And along with that, it's my right to state when I find issues within the community. Just like I can point out bs in my government, in my family, in what ever groups I am apart of, I can state it when I see it here. I have never told someone they are terrible or wrong. Nor told someone they cant use what ever words they choose to use. But on my personal blog, where I only respond to others and dont go out of my way to interact with those opposed to me? Yeah, I have a hard time believing I'm spreading hate. Its not hateful to express concerns and issues that I've seen time and time again for years. Especially when there are real word consequences that I have seen happen in real time. People I've talked to irl discussing how this idea that preferences are sexuality has caused harm to them and those around them. You have every right to be upset. But anger doesn't dermine who's right.

[shadowdios]

can we please be more careful about reblogging posts like this? i think calling attention to the relative closed-mindedness of ace/aro communities is important but OP is a radfem, or at least rad-leaning.

it’s possible to be critical of inter-community bigotry without being a bigot yourself. please keep this in mind.

[a-frog-in-a-bog]

we don't clown on pansexuals as much as we should for the livejournal post that popularized the term as a sexual orientation in the first place. how did we let "we're like bisexuals except we like trans ppl and weird androgynous gender presentation like this [picture of japanese men]" become a recognized and valid sexuality. it's an embarrassing stain on the queer community that no amount of backpedaling and "updated" definitions can fix

[phallocunt-deactivated20251114]

the post is still up

the history of this term went from freud’s pathology -> reclaimed by some cishet kinksters -> THIS

[honeylemony]

It was always about painting lesbians as predatory and less-than. It was always about removing our autonomy.

[lostryu]

Oh hey! Thats an ask i got a year ago lmfao

[homosexuanal]

Sorry but I do think giving your lover a lock of your hair or a vial of your blood is incredibly romantic

[minimosquitogirl-deactivated202]

queerplatonicizing this shit. there’s no allo explanation for this kinda freak behavior

[grownupchangeling]

oh I have GOT to start saying "there's no allo explanation (for this kinda freak behavior)" YESTERDAY

[homosexuanal]

[shadowdios]

the first image is a wonderful piece of art made to celebrate pride month.

the second is a random other user “adding” to it.

something that i think people who do this kind of thing (which i see a lot in ace/aro communities) don’t realize is that it sends a message. you’re telling them “your art is good but i could make it better.”

and maybe for some artists that’s fine, maybe they consider it fanart. that’s cool, you do you. but if i drew something like the first image and someone added something like the second one in a reblog i would be really upset. my art is fine as it is. i don’t need you to add to it. thanks.