Serat @shadowgreyjedi - Tumblr Blog

I think the Coruscant Guard would have a much better understanding of modern slang than any other battalion simply because they’re around it more and hear it all the time while everyone else is in a trench in the middle of nowhere.

Rex, crying: Ashoka just said ‘that’s lit fam’ I’m scared what does it mean

Fox: that’s so sad. Alexa play despacito

Rex, crying harder: who the hell is alexa

crisisofinfinitemultiverses

Ahsoka (2023) Poster by Alan David

shazikeng

false paradise

lesbinewren

george lucas, remarkably unsubtley, over and over again: the fall of the republic was because of corporate interests interfering with politics and increased complacency with fascist ideas in the face of a manufactured war

everyone, for some reason: so the jedi were the REAL villains because they didn’t get married

swprequels

dixieconley

How the Clone Wars should have gone, given that Anakin was canonically a slave. (wtf Lucas?)

Rex: Yeah, we all have inhibitor chips. They make us less aggressive-- Anakin: You have slave chips. Rex: No, inhibitor chips. Anakin: Slave chips. They all need to be removed. Kix! Do you have a scanner? Kix: Er, no. You need a level 5-- Anakin: Nevermind. I'll build one. They need to come out immediately.

::slave chip comes out of one trooper who volunteered, because ARCs be crazy:: (Fives. It was Fives. Because Fives.)

Anakin: Huh. Why doesn't this have any explosive? Rex: I *told* you. They're inhibitor chips. Anakin: Nuh uh. Slave chips. They gotta do something else.

::a little later, some slicing, orders discovered::

Anakin: Slave chips! All of them out! Rex: Okay, but this is just one itty bitty bit of the GAR. There's 3 million of us. Anakin: *Lots* more scanners. Rex: ::facepalm::

::Scanners sent to every ship in the fleet and the Guard::

Fives: So who activates the chips? Anakin: Depur. Fives: ::thinking that this is a reasonable name rather than a generic term for a slave master:: Where do we find them? And can we kill them?

Cue Kamino being invaded, the Kaminoans interrogated (and Nala Se summarily executed), and relevant information discovered.

Rex: So it's the Chancellor. Anakin: No, he's my good friend. Rex: … Anakin: I'm depukrata. (The slave word for a freed slave who enslaves others.) Fives: ::no concept of natborn names:: Everyone! The general's Depukrata now! Everyone: Hello, Depukrata! Anakin: ::anakin.exe has stopped working:: Anakin: ::incoherent frothing rage:: Let's fuck some shit up! The 501st: ::cheers, gets out the heavy ordinance::

Palpatine gets wrekt. (Fuck that guy.)

phoenixkaptain

I love it when pre Original Trilogy era shows how much effort went into making the Death Star. It took decades, literal decades, and it took so much money and so many people and it was such a secretive thing and it’s staffed by millions because it’s the size of a small moon.

I cannot express how much all of the added information makes it so much funnier that Luke blew it up.

Luke destroys literally everything Palpatine built. He blows up the Death Star, which was referenced in universe as early as the second movie. He blew up the weapon of mass destruction twenty years in the making. And he blew it up pretty much directly after it’s first and only successful attack. It was operational for fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes that Palpatine had the thing he’d been building for longer than Luke has been alive, and Luke blows it up. First day retirement, but first hour retirement.

Luke convinces Darth Vader to turn back to the light side, a feat thought literally impossible by literally everybody. Sidious clearly doesn’t see Vader’s betrayal coming. Vader’s betrayal was not in his plans, nor was it something he was prepared for. Sidious is a powerful Force user with all four limbs while Vader is a man in the tin can Palpatine put him in. If Palpatine had seen Vader turning coming, he would not have allowed it to happen.

Luke literally should not even be alive. Palpatine almost definitely got Padme out of the way on purpose, and he almost certainly was trying for her unborn child as well (there was way too big of a risk that a cute liddol bebe would bring some humanity back to Anakin, and Palpatine did not want Anakin to have any humanity) Luke living is literally the first step in Palpatine’s ultimate downfall, especially once Vader finds out that Luke is his son. His very alive son. His son that is not dead, despite Palpatine claiming Anakin killed Padme. Implying that Anakin killed Padme and she posthumously gave birth. But, she didn’t give birth on Mustafar, which was the last place Anakin interacted with her. And once the mother dies, you have to get those fuckers out fast or they die too.

I imagine Darth Vader piecing all of this together is that meme with all the math floating around his head, because how could Padme have died by his hand and then given birth like two hours later?

Luke killing Palpatine is what ultimately leads to the dissolution of the Empire as an omnipotent entity. Luke killed the Empire. Luke spends a good amount of his adult life killing Empire remnants. We see that in the Mandalorian, since he’s so recognizable that Gideon immediately knows he’s fucked just by seeing an X-wing. We read it in Legends’ continuity, where Luke terrifies Imperials because he can walk into their changing room and stand in their for a minute and they don’t even notice.

Luke destroyed Palpatine’s life’s work. Everything Palpatine spent his whole life working towards, and Luke kills all of it. He blows up not one, but two Death Stars (he may not have pulled the trigger on the second Death Star, but without him, it never would have been destroyed). He convinces not one, but multiple Sith and Dark Jedi to return from the Dark Side. He is the only reason that Obi-Wan Kenobi, the biggest pain in Palpatine’s ass ever born, lives long enough to make it to the Death Star.

Palpatine went through so much effort. And just when he had finally won, when he finally had a weapon capable of destroying entire planets with a single blast, making it impossible for any planets or peoples to go against him, Luke shows up nineteen years late to the Jedi party with space Starbucks and a droid twice his age and almost singlehandedly destroys everything Palpatine ever had a hand in creating.

Luke manages to become even worse than Obi-Wan Kenobi, the ultimate thorn in the side of politicians, and Luke doesn’t even understand any politics. He wasn’t trained in diplomacy like Obi-Wan and Leia, no, he’s a farmboy who left home for the first time in his entire life, just this morning. And he is the one to destroy the Empire.

If they rewrote Star Wars and had it entirely from Palpatine’s perspective, Luke Skywalker would be his greatest foe. Luke Skywalker would be the final boss. Luke Skywalker is the antithesis of everything Palpatine believes in and he is the one character that Palpatine cannot predict. He isn’t as moldable as Anakin, he doesn’t respond to threats very well, he’s apparently impossible to kill via Force lightning (still the funniest scene of all times, the progression of Palpatine’s face falling and him looking like “what the fuck??? Is this kid rubber??? I’ve electrocuted him eight times???”), his unwavering faith in his father’s goodness makes Darth Vader want to be a better person, Luke Skywalker is the big bad of Palpatine’s story and—

There is nothing in this world that is funnier than someone’s biggest antagonist being Luke fucking Skywalker. Luke Skywalker, who saved the galaxy with the power of love and who shouldn’t exist, by Jedi rules and by Palpatine’s own attempts, and whose best friends are literally droids, which Palpatine canonically hates!

Everything about this is hilarious, this is the funniest thing in all of media, Palpatine loses absolutely everything to some backwater farmboy who fucking likes droids.

phantasm-echo

I watched the 2003 clone wars for the frst time today and this scene made me giggle (GO WATCH IT IF YOU HAVEN'T!!!!)

dontbelasagnax

@codywanfirstkissbingo: kiss of life

It shouldn't be like this. He had plans. Dreams.

He'd thought of a gentle kiss shared one late night when the hum of companionship and longing looks spilled over. Lips tasting of herbal tea and ration bars.

Or, hidden away in a dark corner of Coruscant on a rare shore leave, they'd find comfort in giving into what they've both wanted for so long. Hands tangled in hair, remnants of their meal licked from blisteringly hot mouths, not a care in the world.

Perhaps they'd wait till after the war. Reach for one another amidst cheers and find joy and relief in their embrace and long awaited kiss.

Instead, he presses his lips to Obi-Wan's for the first time and does his best to breathe life into unresponsive lips and lungs. He can't ignore the acrid taste of blood and ash. There's nothing but terror and heartache lancing his chest.

'Not like this', he thinks, a hot tear running down his cheek. 'Please, stay with me.'

(bingo card under the cut)