Remember What The Doormouse Said

No, Zo, maple syrup cannot be substituted for dishwasher liquid, no matter how delicious it is.

[yellow-cat]

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

[disorientation]

Having a "stupider people have done this" attitude about the things you want to do can open so many doors

[dragonagegenerator]

fool (self-diagnosed)

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

People are like “these animals have exoskeletons and these ones have endoskeletons” but no. It’s all exoskeletons, your exoskeleton is protecting your bone marrow which is where your soul (which is you) is. The rest of the stuff is extraneous decoration that Big Pharma wants you to think is important/

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Why do you think there’s so few ghosts around? Why are most ghosts people who died violently? You gotta crack the bones to let the soul out. Most souls are trapped alone in the dark and silent ground (or teaching hospitals) for hundreds or thousands of years until the bones eventually start to break. People who are cremated get their whole soul released and it can reincarnate. But if someone dies violently then maybe only a couple of their bones are cracked and a little scrap of the soul escapes but it’s incomplete and confused. Can’t figure out how to leave, gets obsessed with its own circumstances, repeats actions, CANNOT be reasoned with. PROOF that the soul is in the marrow.

See I know what I’m talking about.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Sin is stored in the teeth btw which is why young children are innocent (they’ll get a do-over with replacement teeth) and the elderly are shameless (once you have no teeth to remember your sins, you have nothing to fear).

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Upon review I think that maybe vodka isn’t for me.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#man this guy should write a book or something

Next treegrave universe book they’re all trapped on a spaceship and some dude fractures his arm and now the ship is Haunted

[subaru-copilot]

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

[polarity-disturbed]

"We know it looks like a butt plug, just drink the water, it's hot outside"

Seriously though he's right, stay hydrated

[sniperct]

tumblr waiting for news on mitch mcconnell (image source)

[thethirdromana]

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

[hmione]

Julia Stiles as Kat Stratford 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) | dir. Gil Junger

[english-history-trip]

King Alfred the Great’s lost remains 'found under car park', TV show researchers say

The long-lost remains of King Alfred the Great have been found buried under a car park, investigators claim.

Alfred died in 899, and his bones were repeatedly moved. He was buried in Winchester Cathedral until 1110, when his remains were moved to Winchester's Hyde Abbey, where they were interred before the high altar between the bodies of his wife and son. The abbey was demolished after the dissolution of the monasteries in 1539, and the place was left in ruins. In 1866, during construction of a workhouse on the site, the English antiquarian John Mellor excavated the area, found what he thought were Alfred's bones and had them reburied at nearby St. Bartholemew’s Church. But in 2013, when archaeologists exhumed and carbon-dated the bones from St. Bartholomew’s churchyard, they proved to date from over 200 years after Alfred’s death - sparking Graham's interest and search. He said: "Whoever’s bones they were, they weren’t Alfred’s. So, I decided to discover what happened to them. "The quest has taken me 13 years.”

[lostinhistory]

shut up they did not find another goddamn king under another goddamn car park

[enba-and-luka]

[girlballs]

I need to bite something until it breaks. I need to jack off. I need to set fire to a large structure. I need to sprint into the woods

[distractionsfromthefood]

[owa-tagoo-siam]

[dungeonmastersdiary]

Welcome to the Fantasy Land of Flo Rida!

[desinteresse]

Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.

[possessable]

it's fine i don't even need to be part of social groups or friend groups anyway (giant hole appears in my chest spontaneously) ? what's that