I was shocked when suddenly I saw the Timeline feeds that my batchmate posted on facebook. I was totally shocked after seeing how they celebrate being 30 that I suddenly tried to check how old I am now. I was surprised that I will be 29 this April.
After attending a party. Still geeting awkward bonding with those young mommy or my tita's and older cousins. They say I should be separated with that group because I am already pregnant and soon to be a mom like them. But I really feel un-comfortable being with them. I still feel strange and bothered most of the time.
Every move I make. I still feel like they still think of me as a person who is ignorant in life and immature one. A lot of them congratulate me for being a preggy but I still did not feel that that they considered me as to the same level as them which are adult thinker and a young busy mommies. Even carrying or touching their baby avoids me because they don't trust me enough compared to my other single cousins who loves taking care of those cuties. It's because they've all been brainwashed by my mom.
I do not know where I go wrong? Is it my fault or my mother. I was raised being spoiled by my mom that she even prevent me from doing house hold chores but aside from that, she keeps on gossiping and discrediting me from my cousins or young auntie like "yah know my daughter shamima, she knows nothing in life and even attempt to disobey several times like didn’t respect me even I wash her clothes and clean her rooms etc.".
Like mom trying to prove them that I will die if she's not around because I am so much dependent on her which I proved her wrong. Because starting when I got married. They have left me alone with my husband Mwie after 2 months vacation and everything turns out well that I didn't had a hard time being independent without her. Only the cooking session because she didn’t even shared her recipe to me that I keep stealing recipe from the internet. I was angry with my mom that I could not erase the thought about how my cousins and aunt see me the same as how my mom discredited me and stabbing me repeatedly on my back that people around me thinks I am a very useless woman. It's hard to stabilized the reputation you have earned but totally ruined by your own parents shits.
As I grew older, I lost trust in myself and even lost my self esteem. Luckily I married Mwie who keeps encouraging me and motivating me, telling me "You can do it! Prove to them they are wrong". so it helps, I impressed him with my ability and prove my self a lot. Unlike my mother who doesn't trust and ruin my reputation to other people being weak and stubborn child. I can not deny to myself that I am very angry with my mother for what she did to me because she herself had brainwash all those young mommy relatives and older cousin with babies about how they see me good to a bad useless immature person.
I still feel better being with my teenager relatives and single or unmarried one. I more enjoy their bonds.
Being with them, I feel self-respected without pokerfaces surround me. as well as my cousins who knows me entirely and believe in my capacity that laugh on how my mom wants to discreditably describe me. There are things that are painful to accept but must be accepted.I am being the asshole in the eye of the people that hurts me. :’(
being with those relatives young mom and aunts with little babies. I also fear being with them because of plastic attitude and infinite bragger or no humbleness types of talks. I'd rather be with those singles and teenagers who I can brutally be honest with and do fun and joke and make fun and play sometimes. I just feel happy being with them forever comfortable like we have the same age and minds. Apart from the other side. There are just people who really have two faces. Like they are annoyed with you secretly because they love and believe what mom said to them even it's a pure lie from the saliva and the tongue of a mother to a child reputation. such painful stupid act of a human being.
So maybe someday, I can change that if my baby was raised in this world. I can not let mom to conflict my baby to be spoiled and be slandered in the ears of the other people just because they don't know how to do household cores and childish. Childish means being happy by the way and I can not see anything bad about that. Unless you are not hurting anyone. then enjoy life to the fullest. I will really not allow myself to be like my mother on how they raise a child that when it comes to morality and physical, they are perfect with it which is good one but when it comes to mental and emotional, surely a big FAIL in them.
Now that we got older(referring my siblings and I). actually, you can see the result of their big fail as married couple raising a child to nurture us when it comes to mentality and emotional. because they do not determine what is in their child's feelings. Therefore, even were filthy rich family and we seem to be okay in the eyes of other people. deep inside that family tree, had endless argument and a lot of dissension and strife. Just feel pity really. Maybe this is just a Lesson in life I came through. I love my mom so much, but there are limits that I can prove that she is not 100% perfect mother like what she brags on my young auntie and young cousin who are already a mommy. because we have to respect her right if she truly became a perfect mother to us. But that doesn’t happened because she is not perfect. she is kind of a selfish one and who cares for herself just to look good on the peoples eye. On how she gossip one sided story means being her as perfect tanging ina mother while we as her daughter and son a villain to her making her a slave is just a like a comedy show as we get older, we realize it as a big comedy show. You know, We are also humans who've been hurt and ashamed with her false rumor she is spreading and I hope she realize that someday and accept her faults. Because like me, I still have that bad reputation rumor coming from her that people wouldn't trust me to be a perfect mother but a immature mommy in future because of how he ruined me in the eyes of the other while her is perfect -_-
stormborns
dailybridgerton
areudirty
titsay
andulkaphoto
annaxmalina