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✦ Rick and Morty
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Could you do Episode 7 Season 1?
Raising Gazorpazorp
Done! :)
Rick and Morty X F!Reader | S1E7
Episode Name- Raising G
Word Count- 5,882
Spending time with Rick in space had become a norm. I don’t mind it, it helps distract me from my probably dead family. So, I am officially upgraded to errand duty. Morty and I mull around an intergalactic pawn shop while Rick haggles with the clerk. Apparently some stores take up entire planets, the extra space working as parking lots. I don’t understand how everywhere simply is breathable– unless Rick implanted some sort of breathing device into us. I wouldn’t be surprised. We mess around with different junk, I pretend to shoot around with a worm blaster before dropping it to hook this sort of crab limb onto my hand. My face drops as I turn to show Morty.
“Hey Mor- Don’t even think about it.” I whisper harshly as I snap the hand at him. His attention had been grabbed by this sex toy double our height. Open mouth, robotic limbs and chest, the only thing covering her lower half was a pink bikini bottom. Strangely humanoid like a cyborg with a visor and pouted lips.
“Come on, i- it’s just a robot. Wouldn’t that be cool?” He chuckled awkwardly, his face avoiding my crab hand.
“Nononono, you are NOT bringing a sex toy into our room. That’s disgusting man– I mean I know we haven’t really had a talk about that kind of boundary but I think this is crossing it.” I huff, he only shrugs and rolls his eyes.
“If you don’t like it, don’t think about it.”
“So if I brought my own alien sex toy home, you’d be fine with it in our room? But seriously how in the fuck would I even ignore that– it’s huge!” I question, gesturing wildly at the robot. I can see him think it over and realize where I’m coming from. But he still turns to Rick. “Hey? Morty, Mort- Morty, Morty Smith! Goddamn it, Morty!”
“Hey, uh, Rick, um, you think maybe I could get something from this place, like a souvenir, like, just to have –like, something cool, you know?”
“Not here, Morty, We'll stop somewhere else, because, you know, there's always another pawn shop,” Rick shrugs. I pull off and toss the crab hand away as I move up to the counter with them.
“Oh, okay, I just, um- you know… thought that robot over there looked pretty cool, you know?” Rick then glances at what Morty points at, and an incredulous look appears on his face as he stares at the obvious sex robot.
“Oh, it looks cool, huh? That's why you want it?” Rick starts heading towards the exit but stops as Morty keeps babbling on, I shake my head vigorously ‘no’ at Morty’s begging.
“Yeah! You know, I mean, it's different from the stuff on Earth, and, you know, you take me to all these crazy places across the galaxy, and, you know, I don't really have anything to-to remember all those trips by– It'd be kind of cool, like a souvenir. You know, like, what if you passed away or died or something? I wouldn't even have anything to remember all the cool stuff we did, you know?” Ew is he serious? Yes let us remember our dead grandpa from the sex robot, it’s clearly bullshit, Rick isn’t going to buy it with that kind of–
“Okay, 60 for the resonator, and my grandson wants the sex robot.”
Fuck.
. . .
I cringe and internally gag at the creaking sound happening above the dining room. Everyone eats in an uncomfortable silence while Morty spends time with his… toy. I can almost feel myself hurling. It has been hours and I mean hours of this. He could at least be subtle. The ceiling light swings overtop of the dining room table to his uhm, thrusts.
“So, we're just going to pretend this isn't happening?” Summer breaks the silence, looking sheepishly up from her food. She’s wearing this cute new summer top today which is new. “I'm not saying that's a bad idea, just asking,”
“Rick, why would you let Morty bring that thing into our house?!” Dad complained, Rick shrugged and continued eating.
“I don't know. What do you want from me? He th-- he thought it looked cool. You know what I mean?”
“No I don’t know what you mean–” I groan as Morty runs downstairs shirtless and in his underwear. He exhales and drinks some orange juice on the table straight from the carton, pointing and saying ‘back to upstairs’, before running back up. The squeaking and shaking continues, I drop my fork.
“No fucking shame…” I murmur.
“Aw come on (Y/N), language.”
“What?! Am I wrong? He literally doesn’t have any shame– with fucking! It’s gross! And it’s in the room where I sleep!”
“Well,” Dad stands from the table, “I agree with (Y/N), I’m intervening.”
“Intervening with puberty? You'll turn him into Ralph Fiennes in ‘Red Dragon’. He's at that age. Let's just be proud of him.”
“Don’t think doing it with a robot is a part of puberty.” I retorted.
“Jesus, Did I really set the bar that low?” Summer said, sitting back in her seat. Morty quickly rushes down the stairs suddenly, looking anxious.
“Um, Rick, could you come with me, please –q-quickly?” Rick stands abruptly and runs up the stairs.
“Okay, now if we hear squeaking, we intervene” Mom nodded. I stood from my chair too, the FOMO nagging hard.
“(Y/N), don’t tell me you’re going up there.” Summer cringed. “That’s like, disgusting. What if he’s asking for tips or something?”
“Tips?” I scoff.
“I dunno– like ‘oh hey grandpa I need help with my technique’”
“Summer!” Our parents scolded as she raised her hands defensively.
“Awh no, I’m not trying to put that image in anyone’s head– I was just saying.” Summer groaned.
I hesitated before running into Morty and I’s shared room. I covered my eyes briefly as I addressed myself before seeing that the robot was gone. A metal orb flies around, smashing into the wall repeatedly.
“Where's the sex robot, Morty?” Rick questioned, I walked up beside him.
“That is Gwendolyn–” Morty starts, “I-I mean, the robot! She started beeping and then transformed and tried to fly away!”
“Strange, that's usually the man's job. You know what I'm talking about”
“Eyy!” I laughed as I high-fived Rick for his joke. Morty stares at us nervously still.
“Morty? Wubba-lubba-dub-dub!” Rick laughs, "Morty that's my catchphrase, remember? Remember-remember how I- how I cemented that catchphrase?”
“We get it Rick.” I add.
“All right, All right, seriously, though, let me grab this thing,” Rick pounces onto the robot, it flies around and bounces him on the bed. “Come on, you… rascal.” I giggle at the scene before getting grabbed by mom as the rest of the family joins us.
“Okay, unacceptable!” She shouts before dropping her face after immediately seeing Rick, “Oh.” She releases the protective hold on me as Summer and Dad approach Morty.
“What is going on?” Dad asks but no one answers as Morty and I try hopping to catch it. It stops. Goo is shot on top of Morty as an alien baby falls into his arms. It’s red with its front sharing Morty’s complexion as well as human features. Its eyes kind of looked like his too. It had four limbs but with two extra hands on its head. It’s sort of… Cute?
“All right. Uh-oh.” Rick groaned as the robot transformed back into the sex robot and sat on the bed.
“‘Uh-oh’? What is that?!” Mom exclaimed, staring at the robot in disbelief.
“Hmm, I think Morty's robot was designed for more than long weekends,” Rick deactivates it and starts messing around in its stomach. “Genetic compiler, incubation chamber. Yep, this here's some kind of baby maker, and that there's half Morty, half– who-who knows wh-what? It's my bad, guys. I'll– I'll take care of it,”
Rick pulls out his blaster and aims at the gun, everyone in the room crowds to move in front of it, me included.
“Grandpa Rick, no, no!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”
“Dad, What do you think you're doing?!”
“You can’t just kill it!”
“Hey, listen, you guys quarantined the house when Summer brought olives back from Mexico,” Rick waved the gun around, “I mean, this thing could grow to the size of Delaware– I mean, it might eat brains and exhale space aids. We got to be careful”
“I lost the chance to be careful, Rick. I'm a father now! You know, it's time for me to be responsible. Isn't that right…”
“Don't name it-!”
“...Morty Jr.?”
“Oh, crap he named it.” Rick groaned as he stored his gun. Sure, Morty is too young to be a dad and all, but it’s just so cute and who kills babies?
“Well, Dad, it's a living thing, and it's half human” Mom defends and Dad has to just interject.
“And it was born on American soil, which entitles it to–”
“Jerry, majoring in civics was your mistake, don't punish us for it.”
“Fine,” Rick outwardly groaned before grabbing the robot, “I'm gonna take this thing to my workshop and do a little bit of investigating. “Do not let that thing out of your sight. It looks harmless now, but it could grow into something dangerous.”
“Like the Insane Clown Posse.” Dad grinned.
“Yeah, Good one, Jerry. 2003 just called, it wants its easy target back.” Rick retorted before leaving the room, while Dad seemed to take Rick’s comment to heart. The rest of us turn to Morty’s child.
“Ohh,” Morty cooed, “He's like a little me! Y-you don't think he'll turn into a monster…do you?” He turns to Mom.
“They always do,” She sighed– uh, now what does that mean? Dad seems to rejoin us as he puts his head into the doorway out to the hallway.
“Hey, uh, 1995 called! They want their ‘Certain year called wanting its 'blank' back’ formula back!”
“Why, Jerry?” Mom sighs, disappointed, “Why expend the effort?”
“Life is effort, and I'll stop when I die!”
Cringe.
. . .
“Heyy (Y/N),” I look up at Summer as she approaches me on our front steps. I eye her suspiciously, she never just comes up to me.
“Summer? What do you want?” I sigh, taking my headphones out of my ear. I honestly just wanted my peace, especially after Morty tried to rope me into helping with his son. ‘Auntie’ this ‘auntie’ that. That’s Mom’s job to help, not mine.
“What? Can’t your older sister just want to– okay yes fine, I want something. But it’s not something major, like it’s doable, okay?”
“Hm? Okay, spit it out.”
“Let’s go on an adventure, with Rick, us, and no Morty. I always wanted to go on one of those crazy adventures with you guys, and now that Morty is busy…” She trails off, looking at me pleadingly. I sigh. “Aren’t you craving some sister bonding? Girls trip, yay!” Summer smiled with faux enthusiasm. Genuinely she is a horrible sibling, but I am curious to see Summer’s behavior being on another planet, she’s still related to this weird family. And it appears that no other Rick in any other immediate universe seems to bring her along– anywhere. But she’s a huge bimbo, she’ll drag us down-
“I’ll bring you shopping.”
“I’m in.”
Rising from my spot, we return inside carefully to avoid Morty and Mom with Morty Jr. before reaching the garage. Summer pushes the door open first. Rick is sitting at the desk, his back turned to us as he works on the sex robot.
“Summer, out.” Rick acknowledges.
“Whatcha doin'?” Summer ignored as she casually approached him.
“Well, I can't solve the problem my way, thanks to your family's primitive biological hang-ups,” He responds, still finicking in the robot before rubbing his hand on his coat, “Gross, I might have just touched one of Morty's loads,” Yuck– “But maybe I can find suitable parents for Morty Jr, on this robot's home world, which is… Gazorpazorp in the Andromeda system. Scoot, Summer, (Y/N) you comin’? Or do you want to play auntie for a little longer?” I cringe and move over next to him.
“Yeah yeah yeah, let’s go”
“Don't you need a new companion now that Morty's in the family way?” Summer argues.
“I have (Y/N) still, and I don't do adventures with chicks, Summer.”
“(Y/N) is a chick and you bring her everywhere with Morty– so that’s bs.”
“(Y/N) barely even qualifies as a girl, she’s not a chick. The odds of her being one is the same as your odds of coming with. Very minuscular.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I scoff, crossing my arms, “I hit puberty, I’m a chick.”
“So then,” Rick ignores me, “you’re not coming.” Well that’s not– that’s still rude. I’m girly? Right? I’m a teenage girl, of course, I’m considered a chick… Summer is barely even older than me and I look like her? Right? I don’t know, I feel like sometimes I don’t even look like I belong in this family. I’m Morty’s twin but I was named (Y/N)? Yeah doesn’t seem right. She pushes ahead as Rick opens a portal against the garage door.
“Oh, right -- because there's something about having a wiener that would make me better at walking through a hole?” She scoffs before getting dragged into the portal by a large alien hand, she screeches as she’s pulled through. Rick and I share a startled glance.
“Oh, crap.” We run after her, watching as a large red creature with blue shoulder fur carries her.
“Grandpa Rick! Help! Help!” She keeps screaming as the creatures surround her. Rick tosses me an extra blaster and we quickly shoot them off her. Goddamnit Summer, she got caught even before this started. “Grandpa Rick!” She called again as she crawled through the shot bodies, we helped her out.
“Still think it's a good idea to go through holes without a wiener?” Rick said.
“I still don’t have a wiener, Rick.” I scoff.
“I want to go home.” Summer whines
“Yeah, no duh.” Rick rolled his eyes as he brought out his portal gun, it’s shot out of his hand with a rock. Uh oh. Summer gasped as we were surrounded by more of those creatures.
“Great, now I have to take over a whole planet because of your stupid boobs.”
. . .
So Rick had dominated this horny alien race, now getting them to deliver those sex robots and various parts so he can repair the portal gun. The three of us lounge inside a hut of sticks and leaves as another creature drops off a bag. Rick doesn’t turn back as he thanks the creature, focused on a weapon he’s fiddling with.
“Thanks, dum-dum.” The creature hesitates and roars before targeting Summer. Rick raises the gun to its temple. “I said, ‘Thanks, dum-dum,’. Go get more. Summer, put your burka on!” Seriously though, I know it’s anti-feminism to feel bad when a guy lusts after everyone but you, but even the primitive alien race doesn’t want me? Where’s my burka? Pretty girl Summer clearly doesn’t share the same mindset.
“That burka is a human-rights violation, and I spent a lot on this top,” She protests
“Look, I'm trying to repair a p-portal gun with a bunch of sex-doll parts, and I have to do it one-handed to keep these belushis from carting you off. The least you could do is be ashamed of your gender.” Summer sighs as she begrudgingly pulls on the black burka Rick had made for her. Rick returns to welding another tool.
“Ugh, What's the deal with this place? Why is it such a sausage planet, and how did such backward idiots invent robots?”
“Honestly, what if they aren’t actually the dominant part of their species. I mean, what if they’re the ones kept for breeding, and the toys are tools?” I chime in.
“Come on (Y/N). It’s obvious that at some point, the Gazorpians became so evolved that they replaced females with birthing machines. The resultant lack of distraction and hen-pecking allowed them to focus entirely on war, so they bombed themselves back to the stone age, and now they just fight with each other over fake pussy with sticks and rocks all day long.”
“You think it's efficient to get rid of women?” Summer questioned as she pulled the welder out of Rick’s hand.
“You ever see a line for the men's room? Are you hear-do you li– do you hear me, Summer?” Her mouth gapes in no response as the ground begins to shake around us. We go outside to investigate and a floating rock head flies in, dispensing a dozen of those sex robots.
“The plot thickens.” Rick burps. The creatures chant before they began to crowd and fuck the robots. “You two might want to cover your eyes.”
“Yeah, like it was my dream to watch,” Summer groaned as her hands covered her eyes, but I couldn't look away. They seem to all finish so fast and at the same time, the robots revert to their orb shape like in our room earlier and begin to float back into the hovering rock.
“K-kids, grab hold.” Rick primed a grappling hook as Summer and I held onto him. The three of us yelp as we enter the mouth of the big rock. The robots shove themselves into various pods as we walk around.
“Grandpa Rick, where are we going?” Summer hesitates as she pulls the burka off.
“Well, obviously, Summer, it appears the lower tier of this society is being manipulated through sex and advanced technology by a hidden ruling class. Sound familiar?”
Summer gasps.
“Uhh yeah, like me fucking calling it?” I murmur.
“Ticketmaster.” Summer sighs in recognition. I give up. Two shrouded figures float towards us.
“Oh, there– there we go, kids.” Rick grins, “Hey-hey, brother. Hey, bro. Nice racket you got going on here. Listen, I'm Rick Sanchez from Earth dimension C-137. Don't mean you any harm–coming in peace.It's all cool in the, uh– ‘Good in the neighborhood’ is what I was trying to- is what I meant–” The unveiling of the figures stop Rick’s rambling, as two extremely tall and gorgeous women reveal themselves. With colored hair and gold jewelry, as well as the extra limbs, it’s obvious that this is a matriarchy.
“Oh, I get it- the old ‘behind-every-great-man Amazon twist’.”
“Silence!” One commanded as she uses the goddamn force to choke and lift Rick into the air. Summer and I gape in shock at the control they had. The other one turns to Summer.
“Your slave is ill-mannered.”
“My slave?” Summer repeats.
“We assume you are from a more primitive world, where men are still permitted to be servants. If he is a rogue male, tell us now- and we will kill him.”
“He's my slave,” Summer blabbers, submissively crossing her arms, “He's my slave. He's definitely my slave.”
“And… that?” She looks at me now, dropping Rick.
“That?!” I exclaim.
“Hold your tongue.” The alien hottie commanded, I listened obviously and turned to Summer for help.
“Ohh… uhm, I mean no yeah she’s a girl– I guess.” Summer shrugs, I resist the urge to gesture wildly in frustration.
“Ah, I see. Your female kind must take a little while to mature.” Summer smiles and side glances at me.
“Yes, they do.”
“Oh boy,” Rick groans, “What's the opposite of ‘Wubba-lubba-dub-dubs’? Am I right, ladies and gentlemen? Are you guys kidding me?”
Yeah, are you kidding me?
. . .
After an extended ride in the head stone, we take an elevator down into the base of the women in this species. It was beautiful, it felt like an amusement park. The sky was a golden color and the buildings were sculpted as if they co-existed with nature. Many more Gazorpian women populate the area. They wear these adorable outfits and golden jewelry, with naturally colored hair. It’s matriarchy heaven. Yet despite the integrations, I can tell that their technology is still advanced. A PA system speaks above as we’re led through their home. Oh yeah, and Rick’s handcuffed. But nevermind that, Summer and I are enjoying ourselves.
“The spider in sector ‘C’ is still alive. Plan your route accordingly and expect delays. We're not telling you what to do, we're just sharing how we feel. And now weather– is anyone else cold, or is it just me?” Huh, strangely personal for an announcement system. And how can you feel the statement ‘plan accordingly’? Yes yes I feel as though that spider may perhaps be an issue. But who’s behind the microphone? Maybe she’s a huge wuss and that spider isn’t even big enough to cause delays… Wait no yeah, that does in fact explain how she’d feel that. We arrive at our destination, and meet what I assume is the head of the society. She looks strangely like Earth’s Cleopatra. Blue hair, golden head and neck piece, a long dress. Albeit she looks a little modern with the fabric and boots. She sits up from a golden couch, the whole room shines the same way. An Amazonian looking guard stands beside her. She stands, towering over the three of us.
“I am Mar-sha, ruler of Gazorpazorp. I am here if you need to talk.” She is so pretty. Summer smiles brightly.
“What is this place?”
“Paradise.” Mar-sha leads us away from her seat, deeper into the area. “We built it during the great passive-aggression, when the females separated from the males due to their increasingly destructive behavior,” We approach a factory of the sex-robots and she greets a scientist (I assume from the coat). “I am here if you need to talk.” She nods and repeats in kind.
“I am here if you need to talk.”
“From here,” Mar-sha explains, “we dispense mechanical surrogates to maintain our population. Fertilized surrogates are returned here to our nursery.” She moves on to another building. There’s a large machine with multiple tubes and two conveyor belts. A “surrogate” bot goes up the tube and dispenses a baby. “The females are placed into educational programs where they can discover a service to our paradise that fulfills them most,” The machine marks the child as female and sends it towards an assistant that places her in a cushioned machine that takes her away. Another baby is dispensed and marked as male. I gasp as it’s loaded into a slingshot and launched away. “Males...they get to play outside.”
“That… was just a baby.” Summer says with disgust, I watch her face contort in some worry as we keep walking. The queen’s guard speaks up.
“And within a day, he'll be an adult male Gazorpian- one of the most aggressively violent creatures in the universe,”
“Wait a minute,” Rick pipes up, “We're here because a male Gazorpian was born on our planet,” The two women stare at Summer and I expectantly. We lock eyes and when I look at one of the two, she urges me on. I grin and kick Rick in his groin. He doubles to the ground and groans in pain. Summer follows up.
“You speak when you're spoken to, ding-a-ling!” We’ll work on that, “It's true, though, one of your babies was born on earth.”
“Are you the ruler of this Earth?” Marsh– no, Martha? Fuck whatever, the queen asks Summer.
“How did you know?” Summer blushed.
“The quality of your top.” She points to the babydoll cami Summer’s wearing. Summer twirls around.
“Do you love it?”
“I love it,” The queen is greeted by a woman.
“I'm here if you need to talk,” The queen repeats it back as the woman turns to Summer, “I'm here if you need to talk,” Summer waves,
“I'm here if you need to talk,” She grins, the woman now says it to me. Summer looks at me and I try to sound enthusiastic in response.
“I-I’m here, if you need to talk.” My gaze meets Rick’s annoyed expression. I’ve never seen him willingly quiet for so long. The queen turns back to Summer.
“If the Gazorpian is male, your earth is in grave danger” More Gazorpians show up behind the queen, “We will give you passage back home so it can be terminated. But first,” she claps, “Mojitos!”
“W-w-we don't have time for mojitos,” Rick stops us, Summer and I quickly try to pull him aside.
“You are insulting them,” Summer scolds, he pushes her away.
“I don't care, Summer! This place is the worst! I want to go home!” Rick whines, eugh.
“Well, it really doesn't matter what you want, because this is a sane place where women rule.” Rick rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, You know what I have to say about that?” Rick lifts his leg and begins to fart for a long ass time. I watch the queen and her people recoil in horror. A crowd slowly starts to form, Summer looks as pissed as the others. “Whoo, boy! Who let the frogs out, huh?” I drop my head, rubbing my face. We’re so dead, genuinely. Hopefully we can simply say we have to bring him home for punishment and–
“Grandpa!” Summer gasps. She covers her mouth quickly but everyone heard it. Questions flare up, ‘Grandpa?’, ‘That sounds patriarchal!’. One of the guards whispered into the queen’s ear.
“It means ‘Father of fathers’.” The queen now gives Summer a harsher look,
“Then this one is not your slave, and your Earth is yet another planet dominated by men,”
“It's not dominated by us, okay?” Rick pipes in, “On Earth, men and women are equals,”
“Equals?!” Summer gasps, “We make 70% of your salary for the same job!”
“Summer! Shut up!” I hiss.
“Seize them!” The queen commands, the Gazorpians use their force powers to hold us in the air by our throats.
“Whoa!” Rick chokes, “Was this really the time to make that point, Summer?”
…
We were shackled and shoved into a long court line. One Gazorpian sits in a golden hand throne, holding a scroll. Her hair is slicked into a bun as she wears a plum colored judge uniform, but of course it’s cutely cut to be a shorter dress that hugs her figure. Another Gazorpian leads the line, while Rick, Summer, and me sit behind. The one in the front glances back at Rick.
“So, what are you in for?”
“Because I got-I got a big, you know, penis between my legs,” He shrugs, “What-what-what are you in for?” She glances at her blue long hair, her bangs were sooo fucked up.
“The worst crime a female can commit.” The judge addresses her as the Gazorpian steps forward to be sentenced.
“Veronica Ann Bennett, I find you guilty of having bad bangs.”
“You ever notice the ones with bad bangs always have three names?” The girl behind me nudges.
“You are hereby sentenced to the silent treatment!” The judge commands, the other women in the room gasp. I just realized there are people in the stands around us. Rick scoffs as the three of us approach.
“Pfft! This is gonna be cake.”
“Rick, (Y/N), and Summer of Earth, for the crimes of treason against womankind and for creating the sound of which we do not speak because it does not exist, you are hereby sentenced to-”
“What, what, what– a night on the couch?” Rick chuckles.
“-death,” She finishes.
“Ooh, gerp.”
“I hate you so much right now.” Summer says as the queen approaches again.
“This will be the first instance of capital punishment in our society in 500 years due to our awesomeness, so we are forced to improvise.” She points upward, we look to see a small cliff, there’s a massive boulder on it. “We placed a large boulder on that ledge,” Rick gasps,
“Holy shit! Y-y-you're gonna crush us with a boulder?!”
“No! Stop interrupting! The boulder falls onto a lever that will launch knives–”
“What? Just give me a gun. I'll kill myself.”
“Stop interrupting! The knives will– fine! You were right the first time, okay? The boulder crushes you, I just didn't want to admit you were right. Happy?” The guard comes to comfort the queen as she begins to get frustrated.
“No, just ignore them. Ignore them.”
“Such an asshole.” The queen murmurs as we’re led to the boulder.
“This is all because of your big mouth, Rick. We could’ve at least died, I dunno– in a gunfight, prison escape, because of an assasination failure–”
“Look–” Rick starts.
“-experiment gone wrong, an arena, failing to solve a puzzle and drowning as the room filled–”
“Stop! God! Look, I'm sorry. I feel bad that I let Summer drag us into this. I wish I could have been a better grandpa to you, both of you– and, you know, for what it's worth, that is a really nice, cute top that you're wearing there, Summer.”
“Top, My top!” Summer shouts, frantically raising her arms. “My top- the same top you complimented earlier! Look-look at the tag,” The guard comes over, “Read it.” She squints as Summer flips it over.
“It says, ‘Marc Jacobs.’”
“Marc? Jacob?” The queen repeats, “These are names of the penis.”
“Yes. An Earth man made this top. Maybe on your planet, separation of the genders is the right thing to do, but on Earth, a certain percentage of our males are born gay, which is why my clothes are better than all of yours.” Okay confidence works.
“A man made something fashionable?” All the women begin to whisper in awe.
“It's true, and sometimes the truth hurts, but it must be accepted, like if I told you that you're using the wrong color foundation for your skin and it ends at your neck, making you look like a party clown.
“Okay, ouch, Noted. But the fact remains if you impose Gazorpazorp's laws on earth, you're no better than the men whose farts shall remain unspoken. And if you think my top is cute, you cannot execute.” The crowd gasps but the queen looks unbothered. She nods in thought.
“Very well, Give the Earth people a spacecraft so they may head back to their weird planet, where women are kind of equal but not really.”
“Good job, Summer, and thanks, girls,” Rick grins as we’re let go, “You know, you girls are really something, I'll tell you that. You know when we first got there, I was like-”
“Give them a ship, now.”
…
Morty’s kid had made tons of destruction while we were gone. Buildings cracked, cars smashed, usual domination behavior. We follow the destruction from the house, I spot Morty Jr., as well as Morty and Dad in a nearby suburb. It had grown into a full sized Gazorpian, but had human body hair.
“Over there!” Rick quickly steered the ship down and unholstered his weapon as we all hopped out.
“Out of the- out of the way, Morty!”
“No!” Morty screamed as he rushed Rick, grappling the gun.
“Morty, that's one of the most violently aggressive creatures in the universe!” Morty tackles him to the ground anyway.
“He's my son! And if you hurt him, y-you'll have to kill me, Rick!” Morty Jr. growls and looks around as Morty walks back over to join him.
“Dad, I'm so confused!” It groans, covering his head. The two of them sit on the curb. I look back at Summer and she shrugs
“I know, Morty Jr. I'm sorry. I ended up lying to you and yelling at you just like my parents did to me. You know, parents are just kids having kids. One minute, you like how a shiny robot looks. The next minute, you're in a fist fight with your alien son.”
“I'm an alien?” Really? That’s one of the most important talks you’d have with your alien child.
“We all have bad impulses, bad thoughts,” Morty continued, “We just have to learn to channel them into something constructive.”
“But I want to murder everyone I see!”
“Well, you know. I mean, maybe there's a job out there for people that feel that way.”
“Actually, there is,” this random guy approaches, who the hell is this guy, “Hi, I'm Brad Anderson, creator of the nationally syndicated comic strip– ‘Marmaduke,’” Oh, “You should consider being a creative. I'm haunted by uncontrollable thoughts of mutilations and sexual assaults on a near daily basis. But, you know, I channel it all into my work.” The marma-what?
“Huh, I never got that impression from reading ’Marmaduke,’” What? Morty knows what it is?
“Well, did you get the impression, I was trying to make you laugh?” He frowns before walking off.
“Tell me that wasn't Brad Anderson?” Dad raves.
“Aw, see?” Morty turns back to his alien kid, “You hear that, Morty Jr.? Maybe you could try being a creative of some kind?”
“Maybe!” Morty Jr. stands, I’m now realizing how raspy his voice is. “I always have sort of wanted to see my face on the back of a novel. I mean, what I really want to do is slit people's throats, but beyond that…”
“I know you can do it, son.”
“I think it's time I get a place of my own. I promise I'll call you every day, or if I need money or a place to do laundry.” The two hug and Morty Jr. lifts Morty in the air. I cringe as I watch him get crushed briefly before being let down. Morty Jr. jumps away. Dad approaches Morty and pulls him close.
“So, I assume this novel your son writes is gonna pay for my rear axle?”
“Isn't it interesting,” Rick sets his arm on his head as he walks with Summer, partially dragging me, “Summer, that after all that stuff we just did, nothing really mattered and there was no point to it? Kind of makes you wonder, huh- about nothing?”
“Are you sure it doesn't make you re-evaluate your policy about taking girls on adventures?” Summer smiles, she bats her eyelashes.
“No, I'd say, given what we've been through, that I was right the whole time and any epiphanies about gender politics were a projection of your feminine insecurity,” He moves his arm as we approach the spaceship, he tosses keys to Summer, “But, hey, why don't you have a pink spaceship? Go ride around and have a jolly old time. Maybe that'll shut you up.” Mom walks up to us.
“Dad? Summer? Where were you guys this whole time?”
“Uhm, I’m here too.” I add, just to be ignored.
“On Gazorpazorp,” Summer sasses, “Where were you?”
“I was reading a newspaper.”
“Mom, where’d you think I was?” I pipe up.
“(Y/N), honey– I thought you were home in your room.”
“This WHOLE time?”
“Oh, that's interesting,” Rick butts in, “Beth, you know, it's funny. I-I-I heard about a little bit of news myself. Take a look, t-take a listen.” He begins to fart. The two giggle and I groan.
“How long have you been thinking about that?” I begin to grin too.
“Wubba-lubba-dub-dubs! This-this world still got a- it's still got a chance! Yeah! Ha-ha!” Rick looks at you. “See you- see you guys next week! See everybody next week!”
i actually cannot get over how manipulative morty is!! love that for him. one of my favourite morty things has always been how, while he does care about people and he does want to help people, he will also just drop people when they are no longer useful to him? he'll play nice up until he cant or when it doesnt serve him anymore
like, he was fine working with evil morty when they were in primes torture box tgt but didnt hesitate to suggest to rick to kill him the moment he got the chance!
and weve known he has the capability to manipulate rick since like season 3, so to see him do it to like a different rick? a "healthy" rick so to speak, and just know what to say because he knows rick so well! because hes been conditioned to know what rick would do in situations, how to get those responses!
its not just knowing how to manipulate a rick, he also parroted prof ricks own words "I believe in you" to get him to focus on portal travel! something prof rick gave up on bc they all said he was crazy!
i dont think morty wanted to make prof rick into like a "normal" rick, i think he was doing and saying whatever he had to so prof rick would make a portal to get him home, even if he ruined all of his progress in being better, even if he ruined his life! he obviously looked uncomfortable when prof rick was drunk and rambling at him but he also didnt stop him drinking or push him to go after his wife. i dont think he wanted prof rick to go back to alcoholism but he probably also equates ricks alcoholism as part of his genius so he saw it as a necessary evil
he just wanted to go home! and he knew rick would be the only one whod be able to help him, so he made him into someone who could, even if he had to make this "healthy" version of rick back into a drunk immoral asshole
love this boy!!!
Yes! This! Morty is a victim to Rick 100%, and it’s not his fault that the nice family became obsessed over him or that he self inserted himself into their family to feel love. Yes his behavior and mindset is a result of Rick’s treatment, but that was not his Rick!
MIT Rick was living a good life, and sure the Rick mindset is in every Rick, but Morty is what pushed him into that downward spiral and kept pushing even after seeing the consequences. He simply wanted to go home and didn’t care that it was ruining that Rick.
People don’t seem to get that more than one thing can be true at the same time. Morty is a victim to Rick and learned off his behavior, but even away from his influence Morty behaves self centered. Sure he felt guilt when Rick’s wife was pushed away because of this, but he’s at the point where his self preservation trumps morality. Yes this is because of Rick but Morty is his own person and manipulated that Rick. We need to stop babying Morty he’s too complex to act like just because he’s a child he can’t do wrong.
I think one of my favourite things about modern rnm is that it's kinda stopped spelling things out for the viewers. In the past, we've had clean-cut episodes with clear plots and morals that are nearly impossible to misinterpret, but recently (ESPECIALLY in s9), things have gotten a lot more open ended!
I've really appreciated it since it allows a lot more input from the audience end, but my favourite thing about this is just how many interpretations can be drawn from one scene. A lot of scenes kind of leave you with this slow, creeping sense of doom that stays with you after the episode ends, and I think I far prefer that (especially regarding more earnest episodes such as s9e2/s9e10) to simpler ones more heavily based on shock value or action. It also allows for more heartfelt storytelling, like... there's no offhand comment about what you should feel. They're not scared to be taken seriously anymore. You're allowed to come to your own conclusions. Just feels so much more fresh to me
OMG PLEASE CONTIUE ITS SO GOOD I LOVE YOUR RICK AND MORTY FICS
You don’t have to listen to me but if you do wanna get a fanfic idea you should deffo do season 3 episode 6 lol I rlly wanna see how you would interpret toxic y/n!! lol you don’t have to listen sorry if this is rude!!
Wow I really appreciate your support :) Hopefully you enjoy how I wrote her
Could you do the episode where they show their most toxic selves ?
Done! Finally
Rick and Morty X F!Reader | S3E6
A/N: I'm back for good this time! This one was highly requested but I'm a little rusty, so I hope you enjoy nonetheless.
-
Episode Name- Rest and Ricklaxation Word Count- 5,406
A sharp knock on my classroom door jolts my head up from my notes. Anxiety creeps in as I recognize the tall shadow.
“No! Don’t open the door!” I shout to my teacher, she turns back at me.
“(Y/N)! Lower your voice, what is your-”
“(Y/N)! There you are!” Goddamn it. Rick had burst open the door, smacking the teacher into the wall. She whimpers in pain as Rick enters the classroom, Morty sheepishly watches from the doorway. “I-I tried to be polite y'know– like you asked, but this is time sensitive.”
“Rick… you told us we could go to school today, and why not take Morty?” I glare at Morty, more so, why did you tell him what class I was in? Morty shrugs.
“(Y/N)... cmon, it will be s-so much faster with you there. I ma-may not be a brainiac like you, but– these are my teenage years too. I-I just found out you know who is single.” Morty shifts as the class watches us talk.
“What an exciting life you lead.” I deadpan, unconvinced. The class continues to stare at me, invested. I sigh and stand to join them.
“This better be important.”
“I-I-I-I-It will be a quick adventure.” Rick assures as he rests a hand on my shoulder, leading me out of the room. “There's a plasma shard in the Abadango Cluster. A princess has it. If I get it, I'll be awesome.”
“You’ll be awesome? Rick, we've been going non-stop. It's not healthy.” I weakly protest, “I’m so tired all the time, I should be in school, hanging out with friends, literally anything else. And with Mom and Dad–” Rick waves me off, pulling out his portal gun before shooting one into the wall. The green makes me feel ill.
“Ha! Friends? Whoo-wee, that was good, (Y/N),” Rick chuckles, “In and out, twenty minute adventure. Let’s go.” He ushers towards the portal. I hate him.
…
“They're on our tail! Steady, Morty. Five cetons!” Rick yells as Morty pilots the ship as it spins around. The steering wheel shudders as we’re pursued by alien forces, as he flies into a large alien ship. “Steady, God damn it! Two cetons.” The engine sputters as we enter into the core. Rick fiddles with a cube as we become surrounded in the ship’s cavity. “Fire!” Rick shouts as I pull a level, sending a blue beam of condensed energy into the core of the ship. It rumbles and smokes as Rick urges Morty to pull up. The force of our acceleration pulls against our skin as we escape before the ship completely explodes.
Oh, by the way– it has been SIX fucking DAYS! But yes we got the shard or whatever as a thank you for our efforts. Oh, and a medal of honor or whatever, I’m so sick and tired of Rick. His stupid adventures, or whatever! Why did we even commit to this? We all collapse into our saucer shaped ship exhausted. Rick and Morty moan and cry as I sit annoyed in the back seat.
“I can't fսcking do this anymore!” Morty cried, his face sunken in fatigue. Rick looks at him with the same energy.
“That was seriously fսckеd up. We almost died!”
“So you agree?”
“Fսck yes! That w... T-This was insane! That was pure luck. I was not in control of that situation at all.” Morty lets out a scream in his sob as agreement. “Look at this, Morty. Look at my fսcking hand. Look at this shit.” Rick raises his hands to show them trembling.
“What?!” I shout, “Why are you so distraught?! You got us into this mess! This was all COMPLETELY optional! Why do you keep doing this to us?! I mean- I don’t- I don’t understand it!” I begin to wallow with them. “Seriously? Do you just hate yourself and want to drag us into this?! We’re fourteen! Why? Rick, why?!” I sob. He turns to me and shakes me violently.
“I don't know, (Y/N)! You’re right. Maybe I hate myself, maybe I think I deserve to die. I-I-I-I don't ... I don't know!” Morty continues to wail and turns towards me as Rick faces forward again.
“We need a vacation.” Rick sighs.
…
And vacation we got. The three of us sigh in content as a large alien spits us out onto a large comfy cushion. We lay in our underwear as we ferment in the goo from the creature’s stomach.
“Isn't that something? You were right… best day spa in the galaxy.” Morty exhales.
“It's not even cruel, either. These things are just doing what they do in the wild. It loves swallowing stressed-out creatures for 20 minutes and then puking them up.” Rick grins.
“My whole body's like a baby's ass.”
“It makes me not even care that my underwear is sticking to me.” I add. On cue, the staff helps us up and cleans the guck off us. Robes are slipped onto us as we’re handed complimentary drinks. The ship was round and blue, and fluorescent inside, but the lights cast a dim hue on the interior instead of the harsh ones in school. School… yeah we can miss some more of that.
“Complimentary psychological detox? Removes all your cognitive toxins,” A stumpy alien gurgles as we walk by, I sip my shirley temple knock-off as it continues, “purifies your system.”
“Oof, this guy on commission or something?” Rick narrows at the employee.
“I don't think... Are you on commission?” Morty questions.
“That makes no sense, a spa’s a spa.” I comment. The alien shakes its head.
“We're not on commission. We get paid by the hour. There's no incentive really.” It gurgles again, like it has congestion or something.
“Oh, my God. Okay, listen. W-W-W-We'll try the machine, but-but I'd like you to try something. Try swallowing the giant ball of snot that's dangling around in the back of your throat. It's disgusting.” Rick raves as he pushes himself in front of the employee, he smashes his drink on the floor. “Nobody wants to hear that–” he dramatically clears his throat, “-That's what you do.”
“Jesus, Rick.” I groan.
“Yeah, Rick, come on.” Morty squeaks, his face flushed with embarrassment as he pulls him into the machine. It’s situated like a tight hot spring with the seat curving around the interior.
“Man, did you hear me bite that guy's head off? Geez, I really need to chill.” Rick sighs, relaxing against the wall.
“Maybe you should go through twice.” I snort.
“All right, miss comedy over here, you don't have to bust my balls. You're not helping things.” Suddenly the room’s lighting turns into an urgent red as the machine whirls and shakes. Morty looks around anxiously.
“Rick, is this thing supposed to be making this–”
A flash and ringing disorients me. I feel sludge in and around me as I try to pry my eyes open. A familiar yet annoying voice pierces through the ringing in my ears.
“Kids!” Rick? Oh no, Rick.
“Morty!” The voice yells again, I groan as I flip in the muck, ignoring it. I breathe realizing that it’s in my mouth. I hack and two voices call my name.
“Why the fuck are you–” I screech as I’m hoisted into the air. I glance around. The air is musky and humid, green fumes coat my vision as green sludges pile on itself all around, and inside of me. “What happened?”
“We blew up, idiot! Are you really that stupid? Obviously the guy I yelled at overloaded the machine.” I feel anxiety redden my face at Rick’s scolding. This is his fucking fault in the first place! Why didn’t he just shut his big mouth?
“It takes more than that to kill Rick and Morty, mοthеrfսckеr!” Rick cheered. Oh no, wait he only said Rick and Morty, not even me… He’s going to get rid of me and keep me down here! A mix of amalgamations begin to chase us out of nowhere. Rick grabs Morty’s arm, “But this might do it. Run!”
All of us pile into a sticky cavern, I coddle Morty. Poor Morty, he’s probably so scared. And I can’t even protect him, but it’s so fucking dumb that I’m the expendable one? And Morty is– Morty? We’re better off without Rick. I can protect us, I’d be smarter if he wasn’t always undermining me.
“E-Everything hurts!” Morty cries, curling further into himself.
“That's because you're worthless!” Rick grunts. “Jesus, how big was this explosion? I'm a genius. I don't have time for this shit.”
“W-W-We're in Hell, aren't we, Rick?”
“You're so stupid, Morty. You're an i-idiot.” He burps, “There's no such thing as Hell.”
“Hey! Fuck you Rick! There could be Hell, because who knows if anything you say is right– if you were such a-a-a genius, you would’ve realized how shitty that machine was!” I stammer. “You’ve only made it this far because of how p-pathetically lucky you are! You’re nothing!”
“I'm nothing?! Oh ho-ho (Y/N), then what the hell are you? The difference between you and me is that I can choose when I die, I make whatever shit I want to make, I do whatever I want to do! While all you do is try to become me! You’re a little shit who thinks she’s the big turd!”
“I just want to die.” Morty whimpers.
“That’s not true!” I protest, “Y-you don’t know anything! You’re the most stuck up, enclosed–”
“Shut up!!” Rick yells in my face, inching closer to me, forcing me to move back, “I control you. I control the universe!” I feel my resolve deplete into worthlessness and anxiety as Rick suddenly backs off, “Why am I bragging about that? I have nothing to prove. I'm surrounded by inferior pieces of shit and… toxins.” Rick groans.
“We're not in Hell, kids. We're in the detoxifier. The machine didn't blow up. It worked normally. It removed our toxins. We're the toxins.” Rick grasps my face. I immediately cry as he squishes it. Morty screams in the background at our arguing. “Are you listening, you stupid little garbage person?! We're what got removed!”
…
I sigh in relief as the flash fades in the chamber. The three of us walk out of the machine. Wow, it’s like all of my negative thoughts had left my brain. Did I ever even have any? The nice employee smiles as we exit.
“I hope you all found that detox sufficiently relaxing.” Rick sighs in response.
“Hey, man, listen… Those comments I made about your throat?” The employee waves his hands passively as he clears his throat.
“It's all good.”
“It's nice of you to let me off the hook. It's still unacceptable behavior, and I do regret it.”
“Believe me, man, I've been working here a long time. I get it.”
“That was really cool of you to apologize to that employee, Rick.” I smile as we head back to the ship.
“Yeah?” Rick chuckles, “Well he was only doing his job, I guess that week had got to me.” We all get into a comfortable silence as I settle in the backseat. Morty chimes in.
“Hey, uh, you guys mind if I put on some music?”
“Not at all.” Rick and I answer, lightly giggling at the synchronization. A nice slow tempo begins to come out of the radio.
“What is that?” Rick asks.
“I just hit shuffle.”
“Are you kidding? This universe.” Rick burps, “Oh, excuse me.”
“This is nice.” I sigh.
“Yeah…” Morty turns to me, “We should listen to one random song a day, you know? We'd end up hearing more songs we didn't like, but we'd discover a lot more that we did.”
“That is an interesting concept.” Rick smiles, “You know, it makes me wonder if there's an algorithmic expression that could achieve the ideal ratio… Listen to me, trying to calculate happiness over here.”
“If anyone could, Rick.” I grinned.
“Hey, here's something no science could measure-I'm real proud to be your grandpa, kids.” Rick confessed softly.
“Thanks, Rick. We love you.” Morty and I reply.
“That never gets old!” Rick chirps before we both join into the laughter.
I love these guys.
…
“NO! Fucking damn it! I messed it up.” I cried as I smacked my messed up goo pot, Morty jolted back from his own.
“(Y/N), y-yours is great.” His timid response makes me scream and smash my creation into nothing.
“Yeah, mοthеrfսckеr! Yeah! Get it! Get some! Right up your fսcking bitch ass, you fսck!” Rick cheers at his makeshift cauldron. “Guess who just discovered a new element?! You think you could do that, (Y/N)?”
“Yes I fucking could, Rick! You know if you gave me the time and distance away from your hateful self, I fucking hate you, you goddamn asshole!”
“Your jealousy only fuels my ego, you p-pussy! If you’re so cocky then do it yourself! Leave! I’m not stopping you!” I shy away, “Yeah! You won’t because you do nothing but talk shit!” He shifts his attention to Morty. “You think anyone but me could do that ever in a billion years? Do you think if God existed he could do it? The answer is no. If God exists, it's fսcking me.” His egotism makes me want to hurl, but he’s right. What can I do? I feel so useless sometimes, and other times a third wheel.
“Yes, Rick. I-I agree, Rick.” Morty conceded. Rick pulls out two yellow sticks that crackle energy between the two.
“While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster, I discovered the toxic equivalent of electricity, (Y/N).” Electricity, that’s the word. Damnit, why can’t I even match Rick’s vocabulary. “What do you think about that Morty?”
“Uh-I th-I think my voice is annoying.”
“It is, and it's your best quality.”
“So true…” Morty sighs.
“Ugh! I’m so sick of submissiveness! Can you say anything interesting ever??” I snap, feeling immediate shame seeing his reaction.
“You’re right! I’m sorry!” Morty whines. Ughh.
…
“Now, who can tell me the common denominator of these two factions?” Mr. Goldenfold asks the class. It’s great that I share a class with Morty, despite it being because my schedule got me mixed up into a lower level math class. I raise my hand to answer the question. He doesn’t pick me, that’s okay. “You don't know or y'all just bored?” I wave my arm more frantically. Morty chimes in from the back of the room.
“Hey, listen, you know, what if we're all bored over here, wouldn't the common denominator be, you?” Morty chuckles, the class including me can’t help but to join in.
“Damn, Morty. That's hilarious. Normally I would come down on any kind of disruption, but it seems to represent a positive change for your character. Class dismissed!”
My reputation has always been decent, but Morty’s has really been on an incline. Many students compliment him now. People have recently also been coming up to me, thanking me for the tutoring I recently signed up to do, and others thanked Morty for his solid advice. He’s helped this kid play the trombone and this other girl be true to herself. I’m so proud to have such an amazing brother, and he’s my twin! What better luck can I get? My smile doesn’t falter as a boy approaches me.
“Wow… (Y/N). You’ve been really nice to everyone lately, you’re not as… condescending as you usually are– and your brother seems to be much healthier as well. I’m Tyler. I’ve been thinking about you for days now. I thought I wanted to be you, but I’ve realized I’ve been wanting to be WITH you! Can I have your number?” I blush as I recognize him as someone rather popular.
“Haha, wow, you can’t be talking about little ole me are you?” I giggle, “I’m just kidding! Of course you can have my number.” I take Tyler’s phone and insert my information.
“Great! I’ll text you!” He waves off as I turn to see Morty asking out Jessica. I notice Rick walking up and I go to greet him.
“Rick! What a surprise! Don’t worry, it's pleasant.” I beam. Rick gives me a greeting hug.
“Hey, (Y/N). Uh, hope I'm not interrupting. Can you grab Morty? I need a moment of your kids’ time.”
“Of course! Hey Mort?”
“Yes (Y/N)?” He smiles back at me.
“Grandpa Rick wants to talk to us.” He glances up to see Rick behind me.
“Wow! Rick! Yes! Happy to help.”
The three of us head outside into the parking lot, Rick holds a worried expression.
“I hate to bug you two with this, but after our morning hike- I started receiving very faint, highly unusual transmissions on my sub ether phone. Listen.” The phone beeps in his hand, there’s sounds of screams and other demonic noises. Morty shrugs.
“It's a bad phone. Chuck it. I downgraded to a clamshell for emergencies only. You know, if-if-if something's worth saying, i-it's worth eye contact.” That’s a great mindset.
“Uh, I-I-I traced the source of the call back to the spa we went to, Morty. I thought I could hear a voice in there, so I enhanced it, a-and listen.” Rick lifts the phone again, more screaming ensues as the voices become more coherent.
“Hey, asshоlе!” Rick’s voice echoes, I hear Morty moan in the background. “Remember us?”
“Oh, I don't like confrontation!” Morty through the phone bellows.
“You fսckеd us, you pieces of garbage!”
“Rick!” My voice screeches hoarsely from the phone. “Why the fuck would you waste the transmission insulting them! We need them to get out you idiot!” Wow, I do not sound happy huh.
“Goddamn it (Y/N) you whiny brat! Wh-why do you think you’re two steps- f-fucking ahead! You’re slow! Be like Morty and know when to shut up! You don’t belong with me and Morty you’re– not even worth considering! I'm a fսcking genius and a god. You really think this thing can hold me? I’m gonna rip–” The recording of voices cut out.
“Wow, toxic me and you really have some issues huh?” I joke. Rick sighs.
“That’s exactly it, (Y/N). What if the toxic parts of us have their own identities, their own will to live? W-What if mine shares my intelligence and devised a way to reach out to us?” We sit on the hood of a car. I comfort Rick and give him a hug.
“Sounds like he's in a lot of pain.” Morty smacks his lips. “Lot. O. Pain. But, you know, you shouldn't have to deal with that, man. You know, l-let's work off your trauma with some urban spin yoga. It's amazing. You do yoga on a bike, but you have an at-risk preteen-”
“I don't think I can just blow this off, Morty. If I had known it worked this way, I wouldn't have detoxed. Well, I would have because I was toxic. Now I'm detoxed and I'm accountable to my toxins, right? I-It's a dilemma.”
“Well, Rick. Think about it.” I rub his back, he relaxes into the hug more. “We’re all doing so much better. Morty’s doing better in school, people approach me now, and our relationship has been better than ever!” I pull away, he still has worry in his face.
“I think I know what to do.” Morty smiles, taking the phone from Rick’s hand and breaking it.
“Morty!” Rick gasps.
“Rick!” He laughs, “You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain, that misses eating all them big fat problems. Focus on the good thing. Trust me, things are good, you heard (Y/N). Taking that away from us...that wouldn't be healthy.” He pauses, “Oh, man. ‘World's Greatest Grandpa’, for reals. It's not just a coffee cup for you, bud. You're legit.” Morty turns to head back into school. I feel an unfamiliar pang of anxiety. Rick gets off the car hood and taps my shoulder.
“What’s going on in that brainiac brain?”
“Ah, I don’t know, probably nothing. I’m considering what you just said, and I’m thinking about our toxic selves. I’m beginning to feel bad for toxic me. She’s stuck in there, trying to prove herself endlessly to a man whose only job is to invalidate her.”
“(Y/N), that’s what I’m trying to say.” Rick sighs, “W-we’re flawed but human.”
“But are they human? They’re smooshed into a machine, for all we know they’re just a mixture of bad chemicals pulled from our system. Of course they’d have sentience, they’re our negative emotions, thoughts, and feelings, represented in a way that seems like an alternative version of ourselves! It’s fascinating, but it’s too dangerous to entertain the idea of getting in contact. They’re ruthless, and they’ll want to ruin this peaceful life we’ve reclaimed. I can tell you’re worried about Morty, I am too. It’d be bad if he was obsessed over being healthy, but it’s a more manageable problem.” Rick stared back at me in awe.
“Wow. (Y/N). You’re so much smarter than I give you credit for. You really are my granddaughter, don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. S-seriously. You’re right. We need to focus on what is in front of us.”
…
“You’re so smart.” Tyler grins as he sits next to me on my bed, playing with my hair as I show off a fully articulated and intelligent doll. She dances around on my hands. He leans towards me as I quickly stand up, setting her down.
“Oh! Oh! You’re really going to love this one.” I grab a massage gun looking gadget and sit back in my spot. Tyler blushes and shifts around a little. He must be so excited to learn about what it does!
“Wow… uh, really?” He begins to fiddle with his belt, “Ha-ha, it’s our first time hanging out but I’m not–”
“It’s a mind reader!”
“Come again?”
“A mind reader, like it can tell me your thoughts?” I grin.
“Yes but-” he clears his throat. “Sorry, it’s nothing. So how does it work?”
“Oh my God I’m so glad that you asked, Tyler!” I move closer to him and push it against his temple. “I just place it here… and turn it on. Now think!”
You’re so hot. It reads, I smile wider.
“Whaatt? You think I’m hot? I didn’t know you were into intelligence!”
“Uhh… yeah?” He glances around, he must be nervous. The smartest girl in school is hanging out with him! Popular guy and smart girl, wow, what a duo. He clears his throat, “So what about me..?”
“What about you?” I ask as I find something else cool in my room to show him.
“Do you find me hot?” Tyler chuckles. I examine his face.
“Logistically yes. You’re very proportionate and your voice range is at a certain level where I gain dopamine by simply listening to it.”
“Uh huh. O-kay. So did you want to kiss or what?”
“Why do you ask?”
“(Y/N), the lights are dimmed, the door is closed, your brother is out tonight, and we are sitting on your bed. I thought the gadgets were going to end up being… I dunno, toys?”
“I don't understand–”
“Olivia said you were a maaajorr freak and you got your grandpa to build you stuff to satiate yourself.”
“Wait. Wait… My grandpa? What? Do you not think I am capable of building those things– because I can! And no that’s not even true, Olivia and I simply had our differences and we haven’t had the chance to reconnect, y'know? I also don’t need to ‘satiate’ myself, that's not who I am–” I take a breath to regulate myself, I need to focus on me, not feed into him. “Are you only interested in me because I’m nicer now?” Tyler laughs awkwardly and shuffles around.
“No-but-I mean… Ugh, you were just usually such a bitch. And you being nice and all now… doesn’t mean that everything else has changed haven’t it? I mean, (Y/N) is still in there somewhere under whatever this is now.”
“I-I’ve always been an empathetic and kind person, it was only hidden under the need to prove myself.”
“Pfft, yeah right. I came here to hang, not have some kind of deep discussion. I’m gonna dip.” Tyler stands before leaving the room. That’s unfortunate… I guess. There’s always more fish in the sea.
“(Y/N)? Can you come down here?” Morty calls, huh, he must be home now. I wonder how his date with Jessica went. I climb down the stairs and enter the garage. Rick stands next to a large grimey machine while Morty looks at me concerned next to an older girl that’s… not Jessica.
“Oh, hello. I’m (Y/N) Morty’s sister.”
“Hey, I’m Stacey.” She was honestly so pretty, long auburn hair and a nice dress that matched her vibe.
“Focus.” Morty interrupted, “Rick tell her what you told me.” Rick meets my gaze.
“Oh no, you didn’t stop investigating… did you?” I sigh. Rick nods
“I-I know. (Y/N) I’m so sorry, but something was still nagging at me. I went back to the spa and they let me purchase the containment unit from their detoxifier.”
“Rick! Why?”
“Because we're coming home, bitch!” Toxic Rick flashes on the screen. Morty raises an eyebrow.
“What is this?”
“This is the parts of your pussy grandpa that keep it real. Oh-oh, and I think you dropped something, too!” He pulls toxic Morty into frame.
“I don't want to be on camera. I'm ugly and gross, please.” I gasp as toxic me pushes them aside and shoves her face into the camera.
“(Y/N)! You bitch! Why didn’t you tell me you were so fucking insecure! I’m in goddamn agony!” Her voice drops and she gives a timid look. “Get me out of here, I’m wasted potential stuck in this tube!”
“Rick, please tell me you're not trying to put that stuff back inside of us.” Morty pleaded.
“Morty, I'm sorry. That stuff is alive and it belongs with us. We yanked them from their homes and locked them in a can.” Rick clanks against the machine and the (Y/N) is knocked out of frame. Her and Rick scream ‘mοthеrfսckеr!’. “See? They're living in pain.”
“That's what they do, Rick, they live in pain. They are pain, you know? They- they're all the bad parts of us, which, by the way, includes our dishonesty, so how do you know this isn't all some sort of crazy trick?”
“Oh, so now because I'm made entirely of toxins I'm also a liar? Fսck you, you little sociopath.” Toxic Rick forces himself back in frame as he cusses at Morty, he grapples toxic Morty back in frame. “You hear this, Morty?”
“Oh, everybody hates me. I can tell. Y-You all hate me…” He whines in response, I hear myself chime in the background.
“Rick! Stop demeaning Morty to prove your point!”
“Healthy Rick, are we doing this or what?” Toxic Rick grumbles.
“Yep. Sorry, kids. I need you to step into the booth.”
“Morty,” I sigh, “I don’t know maybe we should, I feel like I’m not wholly myself. If we merge… from what I’ve learned from my time healthy, I’m my true self even with my flaws– we could coexist in the way that–”
“Ugh don’t let me ramble! I’m the smart one, not her!” Toxic me yells.
“Don't negotiate with those little turds, dummy. You're the Rick. You need to show dominance.” Toxic Rick groans before dragging toxic Morty into their version of the chamber.
“See? We win two to one, Morty, do the healthy thing and voluntarily re-toxify yourself.”
“No!” Morty screams as we pull him into the chamber. “Let me out of here! Stacey help!” Stacey stands at a distance in the garage. “Open the door!”
“I need to hear our safeword Morty.”
“Sea-cucumber, sea-cucumber!” Morty screeches, Rick and I try to protest but it’s too late as Stacey drags us out of the chamber and she’s enclosed in.
“I'll do anything for you, Morty!” She states as the booth whirs and hisses. Green smoke coats the room as our toxic versions get revealed in front of us.
“It worked!” Toxic Rick cheered. “Yes! That idiot believed every word. Now let's see how he enjoys living in that shit tank.” We all gape at him on the ground. “He's right behind me, isn't he?”
“Holy shit that’s actually me.” Toxic me exhales as Morty points out the fact that we’re in front of them.
“Uh, is this like a sеx dungeon?” Stacey calls from the machine. “I guess I should've been paying attention.”
“After 70 years of being bottled up inside a sentimental jackass,” Toxic Rick burps, “I finally get to live my own life.”
“You said we were merging.” Rick murmured.
“I lied, dumbass! I lie about everything! Why would I ever re-merge with a pussy like you?”
“So… you were just gonna trap us in that tank? T-That was your plan?”
“Not was mοthеrfսckеr, still is.” Toxic Rick leaps towards our Rick as Morty hides in the chamber.
“Kill him, Rick!” Morty yelled.
“All right, you asked for it.” Toxic Rick primes himself before kicking him hard in the groin. Rick’s groin system activates and they begin to bicker, I look back at my toxic self who was absorbed in watching the battle.
“(Y/N)?” I watch her daze break as she locks onto me.
“You!” She pounces on me and begins to pin me down. “What did you do while I was gone huh?” She punches my nose, instantly causing it to gush with blood.
“N-nothing! I became a tutor, I got asked out!” I watch her fist stop.
“Asked out? By who?”
“I don’t know! The kid named Tyler, he came over but he faked being interested in our interests just to get laid!”
“What?!! I could’ve lost my virginity?! Fuck, you! I almost respected you for the prospect of you thriving up here but no! You’re just a pussy just like Rick was saying he was!” She continues to wallop on me, I struggle back against her.
“But Rick loves us now! Morty is so self-assured too! Who cares how others perceive us?!” I cry.
“Because I’m better than all of those kids in that fucking school! I need them to know that, not try to abuse me for my superiority. Fuck! God, now I have to start all over!” Morty pushes her off before she can land another hit on me. She screams as I grab her by her hair and pull her outside, Morty watches as I gain control over her and put her in a chokehold.
“Kill her!” He shouts.
“What? No! I can’t, it’s wrong!” I croak as my toxic version scrambles under me.
“(Y/N)!
“No! We’re better than them.”
“P-pussy” She gasps.
“Wait– Morty!” I yelp as I point to toxic Morty hijacking the ship. It whirs into the air before crash landing back into our living room. Morty runs after him and toxic (Y/N) uses the moment to push herself off me. I grunt in frustration as I follow back into the living room. Both Ricks are naked and the living room is trashed. Before I can react, toxic Rick and (Y/N) hop into the ship, pulling Morty who had been fighting toxic Morty out of it. Mom stands in the doorway with groceries.
“All right, fսck this. Time for plan B… If I can't trap you in a toxic world, I'll just make the whole world toxic.” Toxic Rick affirms as he flies the ship away. Summer comes out of hiding and Rick turns to face them.
“It's okay, girls. I-I'm so sorry I put us in danger with some of my behavior. I-If you'd like I can go out in the g-garden, pick some fresh basil, and make us a nice scallopini.”
“What did the booger version of you mean when he said he was going to make the whole world toxic?” Mom asks nervously.
“Believe me, sweetie, that man's motivations are a mystery.”
“Screw that, Rick. We got to stop him. What's the last thing you'd think about doing with that tank thing?” Morty asserts, I nod in agreement.
“Yeah imagine the chaos they’d cause to everyone! It’s bigger than ourselves now.”
“Kids, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's not our place, you know, to pick and choose which world gets saved from what apocalypse. Our-our toxins have as much a right to their worldview as–” Morty slaps him. “Morty, how is it healthy to slap me?”
“Obviously my version of health is a hell of a lot different from yours, you useless old turd.” Morty snaps. Rick’s face lights up.
“Wait. That's it. How could that detox machine know the difference between healthy and sick for everything that goes through it? It can't. It must be by the individual's own definition of toxicity. That means…” He slaps Morty back. We scold him for the retaliation but he shakes his head.
“I'll explain on the way.”
…
Rick had deduced that his toxic form would set up on this tower, so he created us some jetpacks to reach there. They already had switched the world into being toxic. The sky is stained gray as the goop that resembled their appearance now surrounded everywhere. We land as the three quickly turn to us.
“Remember me?” Rick scoffs as we make our landing.
“Didn't you learn last time that you can't beat me?” Toxic Rick laughs.
“Yeah, I did. And then I learned something else.” He unholsters a gun from his lab coat. “This.” He shoots towards toxic Morty, toxic (Y/N) screams as she tries to jump in front of the bullet. It pierces through her chest before embedding itself in toxic Morty’s leg.
“Oh… oh no (Y/N)!” Toxic Morty cries as he doubles over in pain, he pulls her head into his lap. I feel a pang of guilt seeing them but I don’t move.
“That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus that will disintegrate your Morty in about, ah, 20 minutes. Don’t think your (Y/N) will live the shot either.” Rick continues. Toxic Rick quickly whips his head around to stop looking at them as his face furrows in anger.
“You think I give a shit?” He snaps.
“I know you give a shit, dummy. Because I know I don't. Here's another thing I know– the decryption key that neutralizes the virus. You want it? Come and get it. Merge with me and you'll know how to save him. It’ll save (Y/N) too if you merge her.”
“Don’t listen to him Rick!” Toxic (Y/N) coughs out, she winces as she tries to sit up. “This is what you’ve been working towards! You’re smart enough to save Morty in time! A-and a healthy Rick wouldn’t endanger his family, he loves them too much!”
“Pfft. Yeah, it kills me to say you’re right.” Toxic Rick chuckles before turning back to Rick, “Come on, man. I've been trapped in your pussy brain for 70 years of delusions, but this is the all-time weakest bluff that I've ever–” he gasps as Rick shoots toxic Morty in the arm now too, he drops toxic (Y/N) as he starts to wallow in more pain. “Jesus Christ! What are you doing?!”
“He's cutting your time in half.” Morty shrugs.
“10 minutes.” I clarify.
“What is your problem?!” Toxic Rick snaps.
“Oh, I had all my problems removed…” Rick grins, “my entitlement, my narcissism, my crippling loneliness, my irrational attachments. They must be somewhere. They ain't over here, bro.” Toxic Rick glances back at toxic Morty and I and shakes his head.
“I'm not going back in there!” Rick stares back unfazed.
“Honestly, I don't care either way. I hate having you in me. And when I say ‘honestly’ you can believe it, because we both know I'm too healthy to lie. Watch.” He shoots toxic (Y/N) now. She screams and clutches her stomach where the bullet embedded.
“Now they’re both guaranteed to die.” I tut. Toxic Rick stands defensively.
“All right! Knock it off! You're not impressing anyone.” He quickly looks back at the toxic twins and kneels before them. He shifts toxic (Y/N) to be seated next to Morty.
“(Y/N)...” He rips a part of her shirt and presses it into her stomach where the wound is more severe. “Hold this okay? I-It’s okay.”
“No– Rick. It’s what they want…” She groans. “Leave me, take Morty, it’s too late. I failed you, I’m a complete useless idiot.” Toxic Rick shakes her slightly.
“Stop! You don’t know anything, you’re a bumbling idiot not useless- so shut up and listen to me.” He turns over to Morty. “Morty, not that I give a shit, but are you okay?”
“Jesus Christ, it hurts.” Toxic Morty cries.
“Relax, quit your bitching. Y-You're gonna be fine. Grandpa's here.” Rick’s laugh cuts into their interaction. “You think that's funny?”
“Y-You got to have a sense of humor about these things. Oh, wait, you can't. You're literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture. I guess it's just funny because you've never done anything but complain about me being in charge, but if I ever gave you the wheel we'd be dead in five minutes.”
“Rick?” Toxic Morty groans, toxic (Y/N) stirs next to him.
“Shush, Morty!”
“You poor, dumb, sick animal.” Rick ridicules, I watch as toxic (Y/N)’s hold on herself gets weaker. Morty next to her freaks out again.
“Rick?” He hisses out quietly. Toxic Rick turns around and sees toxic (Y/N) on her way out and screams, thrusting his arms up in frustration.
“Ahh! Just do it! Just do it, you piece of–” Toxic Rick breaks and rushes up to Rick before getting stabbed with Rick’s device. Rick stabs himself and the color slightly drains from his skin as toxic him is compressed into himself. Original Rick shakes and pumps his fist.
“I'm back, baby! Regular Rick! Master of both worlds! Check it out!” He farts in Morty and I’s face, pitching his voice. "Excuse me." He grins as he walks over to the lever toxic Rick must’ve used to turn the world toxic. “Now we'll just reverse this hacky toxicity beam. Man, I really over think shit when I'm angry.” The tower crackles as it powers down, sucking the toxicity from the world and back into itself. The green hue of the sky returns back to its light blue, Rick looks around, pleased with himself. “Ha! All right, twins, now it's time we re-merge your little asses.”
“You're a better man than me, Rick. I'm healthy enough to admit that!” Morty shouts as he flies off with his jetpack.
“Woah! Morty!” I called after. Rick sighs.
“That kid is a real piece of shit.”
“Y-Y-You're gonna save us, right?” Toxic Morty grunts, still bleeding on the floor, Rick kneels next to him.
“Part of me wanted to, Toxic Morty. Part of me really wanted to.” Oh shoot, that means I have to merge back too, huh? I glance around and see a trail of green sludge, toxic me had dragged herself to the edge of the tower.
“(Y/N)? Come on.” I sigh, taking the contraption from Rick to re-merge.
“No!” She whimpers, turning to face me. “I’d rather die than live repressed inside of you. And i-if I feel that way that means you will too– b-but at least I’m living in it.”
“We wouldn’t be us without the good.. And the bad. Right?” Toxic (Y/N) looks down at her wounded body, I start to get worried considering her ticking clock. She reaches a hand out. I lean over but she instead uses it to grab the railing and propel herself off the tower. I jump down after her. Thanks to the boost of the jetpack, I’m able to catch her by the arm. I jab her and myself and let her be merged back into me– But I didn’t know it would fucking hurt so bad, Jesus H. Christ, oh my GOD. I shudder from the pain and nearly crash into the tower. Wow. Wowwowow, it’s like my conscience gained its character back. Jeez I am so bland when healthy, does that mean that my personality is a result of my toxicity? And why the hell was my sexuality part of that toxicity?? What the fuck man, you’re telling me Morty can pick up girls left and right but when I have a hot guy alone in my room, I show him my gadgets like I’m five??? And also wow to the fact I’m soo insecure while toxic, but at the same time I submitted every time I got challenged? Make that make sense.
I shake my head as my thoughts continue to settle while flying back up to meet Rick, I step back in slight shock at the fact he had already been looking at me.
“Welcome back, (Y/N).” He smiles… genuinely?
“Uh, yeah. How did you know it was me?”
“You no longer have that weird dazed zombie look.” He shifts his attention to the spot Morty had left from. “Any idea where he’s going to go?” I shrug.
“Nope.”
…
Weeks pass of us trying to locate Morty. Everyone has called him, we tried to call from fake numbers to find out where he is generally, and we flew around for a while trying to search for him. I miss him but Rick seems to be taking this uncharacteristically hard. He gets drunk every night and wallows in the garage. Tonight hasn’t been any different. It’s strange how he’s so smart but he can’t find Morty within our own dimension? I’m surprised he hasn’t microchipped us. I jolt to grab my phone when it buzzes. I glance hopefully at Morty’s empty bed before answering the phone.
“(Y/N)?” A feminine voice asks, ugh, it’s Jessica.
“Oh. Can I help you?” I sigh, sitting up.
“Well. Can you tell your grandfather to stop contacting me? He’s been calling me every night, over and over. I answer, and tell him ‘I don’t know where he is, please stop calling me’, but he keeps crying and crying and I don’t hang up or block him because I feel bad.”
“What? Uh, sorry for that I guess, but why does he call you?”
“Why do you think I know??” She groans, “Morty and I went on a date and he was crazy overbearing, like he wouldn’t even let me talk. But-”
“You were Morty’s last connection before he left! That’s it!” I stand from my bed. “Jessica, he has always been so crazy about you– like so crazy. And you rejected him right?”
“Uhm, yeah?”
“Yes! So that means he deep down is still obsessed over you, but he’s too healthy right now to not disrespect your wishes. If you were to talk to him, you could convince him to come home!”
“What? (Y/N), no. I’m not getting mixed up in your weird family.”
“Jessica, please I’m begging you I will owe you. I-I’ll do your homework for a week!” A pause.
“A month.”
“Yes! Fine, please?” She sighs on the phone.
“When?”
“Right now! Come to my house and go into the garage.”
“Wh-but- I- Ugh, okay. Bye.” Once the phone beeped off I ran downstairs. I push past Mom and into the garage. Rick fixes himself up, partially drunk. He wipes his face.
“Rick?”
“What? I’m not sad– What? What the fuck do you want (Y/N)?! C-can’t you tell I’m busy?!” He pretends to work on something and turns away in a chair. I grab and spin him around.
“Rick! I have a plan to find Morty! You can track phones right?”
“Ugh yes, (Y/N), why do you think we’ve been trying to call him huh? It wasn’t just to chit chat.” I shake my head to block out his discouragement.
“Rick, please work with me. It was rhetorical so I can set up my plan.” He groans in response. “I have Jessica on her way. Once she’s here we can use her phone to call Morty, and she can ask for him to come back.”
“It’s stupid, and not going to work, but sure. L-let’s do (Y/N)’s cliche plan.” He sets up the equipment to trace Morty’s cellphone and right as I open up the garage door Jessica arrives.
“Fine, I’m here. Let's get this over with.” She plugs her phone into Rick’s device and calls Morty. He picks up.
“Go for Morty.” Morty answers, I can’t believe how much I missed his voice.
“Hi, Morty. It's Jessica. Look, can we just talk for a minute?”
“Is that how long it takes for Rick to trace my location?” Rick gives me a knowing look and I roll my eyes as Jessica continues.
“Come back, Morty. I miss you.”
“You miss the old me. You miss someone that loved you so much you never had to love 'em back.”
“How do you know I don't want to love you?”
“Because I'm not sick.” Jessica backs from the phone and I sigh.
“I’m sorry Rick, you were righ–”
“Ex-girlfriend?” A female voice rings from the phone. Morty didn’t hang up. “Should I be jealous?”
“There's nothing to be jealous of.” Morty’s voice responds.
“Okay, got it! Let's go, he’s in New York.” Rick activates some drones and they fly off.
“What’re those for?” I ask, trying not to gloat with my plan being the one to find Morty.
“Dramatic effect.” He opens a portal on the floor. The three of us hop into a nice high-rise apartment. Morty stands at the kitchen’s island next to a tall cute redhead. Seriously, why was my attraction a toxin? The drones burst through the window and tie Morty up.
“Sorry, tiny American Psycho, time to take the opposite of your medicine.” Rick burps, pulling out the gun he had put toxic Morty in.
“Do what you got to do.” Morty concedes, screaming violently as Rick injects him. The drones release him as he convulses on the ground.
“Morty? You good? How do you feel?” I ask as he slowly stands.
“Ah, geez. I'm miserable.” He rubs his temples, Rick bumps my arm.
“Solid plan, (Y/N). Simplicity does work sometimes, I have to admit it.” I blush from the appreciation and look away, mumbling a thanks. He complimented my plan, unprompted? Wow.
“I guess it's worth it, though, to know how much you care.” Morty smiles at Jessica.
“Care? Me? Morty, I'm fine with you. I only did this for them.”
“You lying bitch. She kept coming to our house, Morty, and kept asking me ‘Did-did-d-did you get a new Morty yet?’” Rick raves, I watch his face flush in anger and some embarrassment. I giggle at his failure to be nonchalant. I didn’t know Jessica kept coming around.
“Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!”
“I wasn't crying!”
“Yeah sure, then why when I call (Y/N) about it– her first thought is to BEG me to help you find him? Huh?”
“Dude! Don’t pull me into it you asshole! I hate your guts, it’s not like you were forced to do it! You had something to gain!”
“No, you two aren’t getting the point, I want to make it clear that I did not care at all. S-seriously.”
“Oh my God shut up old man, please!” Jessica raises her voice.
“Focus!” I shout and the two shut up, “It’s time to go home now.” The two glare at each other as we shift our attention to Morty letting down his temporary girlfriend.
“You were my soul mate.” The baddie sighs. Morty scratches his head.
“Well…N-Not anymore. I'll, um... Y-You can keep the apartment, and-and-and, uh...the drones”
“She can't keep the drones.” Rick interrupts. “They turn into a little Voltron robot. They're awesome.” The different color drones whirl in the air as they combine into this little badass robot. “You can't keep the drones.”
…
Right after class I walk up to Morty’s locker, Jessica chats about hanging out with her ex at a nearby locker with her friends. He sighs and closes his locker.
“Heyy, Mort! What’re you up to– woah!” A hand on my shoulder startles me.
“Wrong side of the bed today?” Rick questions rhetorically, “Twins, I need your help on an adventure. Eh, ‘need’ is a strong word. We need door stops, but a brick would work, too.”
“Sure, whatever. Make it quick.” I push Rick aside after he makes the portal and heads through first. Huh, I wondered what happened to that Stacey girl?
I drew fanart of Y/N! I kinda think of her as Mabel from Gravity Falls, only more serious
Yes, these are Mabel's sweaters. (And yes, I am aware that she's wearing a hoodie. Also, I didn't feel like drawing hands)
She looks derpy...
Aw I'm so honored you'd want to draw your interpretation, this is amazing! She looks so cute
Hiii!! I just wanna say that your rick and morty fic is absolutely amazing! Though I am concerned because you haven't been posting since 2024? I hope you'll come back soon ;w;
Thank you so much for the support, and guys, do not worry-- I am alive! I had those cliche canon events in my life but I am now once again stable :), this new season made me revisit this account honestly.
There has been many questions about the fanfic, so let me know if continuing it would be something you guys want!
Rick and Morty X F!Reader | S1E6
Episode Name- Rick Potion #9
Word Count- 4,398
Morty and I stand around at our lockers at school, I scroll on my phone as he gets his stuff. Principal… Vagina speaks overhead on the intercom. Man, our school is a joke.
“Principal Vagina here, don't let the name fool you, I'm very much in charge, reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don't know how many times I have to say this but if you have the flu, stay home, the flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. You don't bring dead babies to Passover.”
I find myself snickering at what probably wasn’t meant to be a joke. I look up at the sound of Morty slamming his locker shut to look over at Jessica, whom her friends had just approached. He doesn’t look in my direction, but I know what he’s going to do- god that idiot needs to stop trying to get with her, it’s so sad to watch.
“Ohhh. Okay, here we go.” I hear him psych himself up, I should stop him. Butttt, sad or not it’s entertaining. He walks over to her nervously. “H-Hey, Jessica, uhh-”
“What's up, Morty?” She greeted before sneezing. Morty stutters again but Brad doesn’t give him the chance to respond. He swings Jessica behind him with his arm, I scoff audibly.
“What are you doing?” He butts in, already up in Morty’s face. I push myself off the locker to stand near Morty.
“Ummm…” Morty stammered.
“Wait, wait. Were you about to talk... to her?” Brad points to Jessica.
“Well, I mean, I was thinking about it.”
“Dude-” Brad taps Morty’s chest, “stay in your league! Look at how hot she is! You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district and hittin' on their prettiest girl!” Jessica sighs and lets Brad lead her away, I hear her sarcastically mutter.
“Gee, thanks, Brad.”
“I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager.” Brad yaps as he walks off with Jessica. At least she seemed, happier talking to Morty? I guess? I wrap my arm around Morty, grinning at him.
“Oh don’t worry about it too much, Morty. She’ll dump him soon enough after she’s done with his bullshit.”
“W-well that’s easy for you to say. I don’t want her later, I want her now- so I can go to the dance with her!” He sighs. He does make a good point, I shrug at him.
“Be realistic! There is no way you can make her like you right now. Can we go now?”
“Fine, fine.” He swats my arm off as we go to class.
. . .
I follow Rick into the kitchen as he gets something to drink, Dad stands behind the counter making a complex sandwich while Morty sits solemnly in front of him, with a plate of cookies.
“...I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought…”
“--I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me” Rick interjects as he grabs a glass and opens the fridge, I walk over to Morty and steal a cookie. He’s too sad to care, score!
“I beg your pardon, Rick, inappropriate.” Dad warned as he pointed to Morty and I.
“Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school,” Rick rolled his eyes, “I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread.”
“My marriage is fine, thank you.” Dad replied defensively, turning around fully to Rick as he walked up.
“Jerry, it's your house, whatever you say it is is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed.”
“Rick that’s harsh,” I add, Morty tacks on.
“Come on, Rick, don't talk about our parents like that.”
“Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. At least your sister isn’t pinning over a rando anymore.” Rick monologued before leaving the room with his juice. As much as I like to be the better sibling I am still pinning, but at least not to Morty’s level. Don’t know if I should be disappointed or proud of his tenacity. The silence drags out as Dad walks over to us.
“Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance.” Morty said awkwardly before leaving his seat. Dad looks at me awkwardly.
“Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom.” He walks off too, both of them leaving me alone in the kitchen.
“And they both left perfectly good food.” I comment at the discarded cookies and sandwich, I ponder skipping the dance and just sitting here but Morty shouldn’t suffer alone.. I guess. I finish up the cookies while I wait for Morty to finish getting ready.
Once he’s out of our room I take the chance to get ready myself. I sit on my side of the room, taking my time to get dressed. I don’t care about this dance but I might as well look nice. Besides, maybe Olivia will be there. I’m not a big dress person but I put on an old one that Summer had, I could almost hear her when she gave it to me. ‘What and you’re so skinny then? Fine! You have it then, I don’t care!’, and then she ran out of the room crying. It wasn’t my fault, she asked how it looked on her and I said snug- oh. Yeah, I see why, oops. My dilemma ends when I realize I had zoned out thinking about that memory and now I’m ready.
I walk to Rick’s garage, knowing that’s where Morty probably was, and I was right. My face dropped as I saw Morty as he was starting to zip his fly down, Rick was leaned over a machine near him with his back towards me. Morty gives me a dumbfounded face, I scrunch mine up in aversion.
“Am I interrupting, or???” I ask cautiously, Morty pulls it back up.
“Rick needed DNA.” He shrugs and Rick shakes his head before turning back to Morty.
“A hair, Morty, I needed one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones.” He plucks a hair from Morty. Morty shrieked quietly as Rick plucked a strand off his head. He shoves the hairpiece into the machine which deposits an orangey substance into a flask.
“What is this for exactly?” I question while walking to take a better look.
“Your brother wanted to make a love potion, so I used the oxytocin from voles combined with his DNA to concoct this.” Rick picks up the flask, handing it to Morty. “Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty?” He walks away to sit back on his desk.
“Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick!” Morty cheered as he took the potion happily. “Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right?”
“Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof.”
“Are you sure, Rick? Positive that nothing will go wrong? No small tiny details?” I push. Knowing Rick there has got to be something iffy about this. You can’t just mess around with love that delicately. Morty tugs on my arm as Rick turns back over.
“W-what are you going to doubt Rick’s invention? Let’s go! Jessica is waiting for me!” Morty frowned as he pulled me out of the room. Oh boy.
. . .
“This isn’t a good idea Morty!” I insist as we walk around the dance looking for Jessica.
“Shh! You’re just jealous… Oh! There she is!” Morty smiled. He pulled the potion out and smeared it on his hands. I sigh and accept he’s going to do this. I instead glance around the gym. It was decently packed, who knew a dance about flu prevention would have no physical aspects to enforce flu prevention? Eh, our school is a shithole anyway. Oh no, our school is a shithole. I can already feel myself worrying about catching the flu again, sure I have the shot, but these kids probably have an advanced strain that’ll mutilate my immune system. I wonder how many people have already spread it around.
“Hey there, Jessica” Morty reaches Jessica, pretending to trip as he smears the potion on her exposed arm. “Whoops!”
She turns around, I can see the change in her demeanor as she grabs him close to her.
“Omigod, Morty. You look really nice tonight.”
“O-Wow, thanks!”
“I love you, Morty. I love you so much it burns!” I cringe as she starts caressing his face.
“Oh, man. I love you too, Jessica!” Morty smiled like an idiot up at her while Brad shoved in between the two.
“Is this punk bothering you, Jessica?!”
“Leave him alone, jerk!” Jessica hissed as she lost her shit. She gets up in Brad’s face aggressively. “I'm in love with him! He's more man than you will ever be!” She sneezes into his face. Yeah, sure she’s trying to defend Morty, but she could have at least covered when sneezing.
Brad’s face contorts a little before merging into remorse, surprisingly. He sighs.
“Aw man, Morty, ugh, I'm really sorry.”
“Oh, well, no problem Brad.” Morty replied, equally confused as I am. I see him glance over at me and I shrug in return.
“There's somethin' special bout you, somethin' special.” Brad hugs Morty before squeezing his ass. Something’s not right here.
“Whoa, take it easy!” Morty shouted as he pushed Brad off. Jessica grabs Morty’s left arm, narrowing her eyes at Brad.
“Get your hands off of him!” She screeched.
“Back off I'm trying to be with my man!” Brad shouted back before Principal Vagina and Mr. Goldenfold pull him off.
“That's enough Bradley. We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.” Principal Vagina said as they dragged Brad off.
“Never leave me, Morty, never.” Jessica pulls Morty with her and I grab him. I see her glare daggers at me.
“Morty, you need to end this now. I have a bad feeling.” I whisper to him in a hushed voice. I overhear Brad's calling out for Morty as he’s brought out of the gym. “See?” Morty gives me a nervous look before Jessica intervenes.
“You have a problem, bitch?!” She gets in my face, pushing Morty behind him. “You want him too?! You can’t have him! You can never have him– or take him away from me.”
“Jesus Christ Jessica no I do not want to… take Morty away from you, I just want to talk to him.”
“LIAR!” She shouted before grappling me.
“Jessica stop it!” I hear Morty protest, and other students look at us strangely. I throw Jessica to the ground but she immediately stands up, running at me like a madman. Okay why is it always Morty getting us into these situations, I can’t even go a week peacefully. But I’m his sister, so today cannot be the day where I start ditching him. So of course, I square up.
. . .
Jessica ends up shoving me into the crowd, and one of her friends catches me. She fucking growls at me before turning back to Morty. She pushes herself up against him.
“Do it, Morty. Do it. Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life!”
“Jessica, get a hold of yourself!” The friend cried out before dropping me and rushing up to Morty to hold him as well. “You don’t deserve to carry Morty’s genes.” Simultaneously, everyone surrounding the fight gets the same possessive look in their eyes. I’m pushed back as even the DJ starts to sing about Morty.
“I love Morty and I hope Morty loves me I'd like to wrap my arms around him and feel him inside me”
“Oh, crap. Morty!” I shout over the crowd as they all crowd and fight each other for Morty. I get trampled partially as I push against the rushing crowd into the opening. The exit pushes open behind me and I look up to see Rick.
“(Y/N)!” Rick steadies me as he sees Morty sprinting towards us, the crowd scrambling behind him. “Morty, come on! We got to get you out of here. You're not gonna believe this because it usually never happens, but I made a mistake.” He shuts the door as we rush past, and the doors are immediately rammed into by the horny crowd.
Another door bursts open as Principal Vagina runs behind us.
“Morty, are you okay?”
“I'm fine!” He shouts back.
“Oh, good. If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself. I love you bad, mo-mo!”
“Ha! You got Mr. Vagina in love with you Morty! M-maybe I am jealous!” I grin through my labored breath. Jeez, this dress is not the running kind.
“Morty, the principal, and I have discussed it, a-a-and we're both insecure enough to agree to a three-way!” Another voice speaks out, I turn around and see Mr. Goldenfold. My eyebrows rise at the prospect but we make it outside. We rush into the ship, Morty trips but I turn him over into the seat. As I grip the handle to pull shut, the crowd pushes it in for me. The vehicle shakes as we settle in.
“I didn't realize when I gave you that serum that Jessica had the flu you know, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-that might have been valuable information for me, Morty.” Rick groaned as he started the ship.
“What the hell is going on, Rick?!” Morty and I ask. Rick glared at our combined question.
“What does it look like? T-t-t-the serum is piggybacking on the virus. It's gone airborne.”
“Oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick?” Morty wailed.
“It's gonna be fine, Morty, relax. I whipped up an antidote. It's based on praying mantis DNA. You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles, Morty. I mean, they-they mate once, and then they, you know, decapitate the partner. I mean, it's a whole ritual. It's really gruesome and totally opposite. There's no love at all. I-I-I basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus. It should neutralize the whole thing, Morty. It'll all be over very shortly.” We fly over the crowd below after Rick pours his antidote into the ship as it expels a mist version over the crowd. “Uh, by the way, Morty, I know you didn't ask or anything, but I'm not interested in having sex with you. These serums, they don't work on anybody related to you genetically.”
“Uhm, obviously!” I retort. “I think we’ve picked up on that. Wait, considering Morty and I are twins, why aren’t they attracted to me?”
“Y-you guys aren’t technically identical twins. You two share most of the same DNA initially, but when your chromosomes changed to XX instead of XY that’s a biggg difference.”
“Is it?”
“Ya, because I said so–”
“OH MY GOD!” Morty screeched, startling me as he stared in horror outside the window. I look out it also, everyone hit by the ‘antidote’ turned into an amalgamation of a praying mantis. Rick grimaced himself.
“Okay, well, sometimes, science is more art than science, twins. A lot of people don't get that.”
. . .
We had parked the ship in a desert canyon. We stand and watch different broadcasts across the world looking for Morty so they can have sex with him before chopping his head off. He paces and freaks out.
“Oh, my god, Rick. The whole world is infected!”
“Yeah, it's pretty wild how fast that spread. I've really outdone myself.” Rick gloats, working on something else connected to the ship.
“Outdone yourself?! W-w a-are are you kidding me, Rick? This is not okay! Not only do they all want to have sex with me, but, you know, now they want to eat me afterwards!”
“Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Mantises are they opposite of voles? I mean, obviously, DNA's a little more complicated than that. You know what, though, Morty?” He pulls out another vial, this one filled with a purple liquid. “This right here's gonna do the trick, baby. It's koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, cactus, shark, golden retriever, and just a smidge of dinosaur. Should add up to normal humanity.”
“I don't that doesn't make any sense, Rick. How does that add up to normal humanity?”
“What, Morty, you want me to show you my math? I'm sorry a-are you the scientist or are you the kid that wanted to get laid?”
“It’s not his fault for being cautious, first you left out important information after we specifically asked for it, then you mess up fixing that mistake and start an apocalypse! Clearly, you don’t know what you’re doing!” I fuss, and Rick sighs obnoxiously.
“Okay, fine, whatever. Since you’re the smartass, you can make a serum to end this.” I stay quiet because I in fact know nothing about what he’s doing. “Exactly, get in the car.” We pile back in before flying back into civilization. The town is already wrecked, fire and destruction everywhere. It’s scary how fast this happened. I’m starting to get nervous now, what if Rick really can’t fix this? He nudges my shoulder. “Take a good look down there, (Y/N), and soak it in, because, you know, once I pull this lever, it's all back to normal.”
“I hope so. Just do it already.”
“Well, technically, (Y/N), there's no rush. I mean, you know, o-once it's fixed, it's done. It's fixed. You know, we could we could just enjoy it for a little bit. I mean, l-l-l-look at how crazy it is. I mean, (Y/N), w-w-when's the next time you're gonna see something like this? I mean, soak it in, you know? It's it's pretty neat. It's pretty interesting.”
“Please shut up–”
“That's it, Rick! I'm pulling the lever.” Morty yells as he pulls the lever, releasing the new antidote. Everyone melts back to normal.
“W-what do we have here, twins? Looks like I was right and you were wrong, huh? I-I-I-I-I-I-I bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh? I-I-I bet you both feel like the world's smallest kids that you were doubting me about this whole thing.”
“Oh, Rick,”
“Something's not right.” I exhale as everyone outside starts to crumble down to the ground. Their bodies convulse unnaturally.
“Yeah, you. You're not right ever.”
“No, no! Look, you idiot!” I force Rick to look outside. Everyone screamed as they turned into these fleshy bug-looking creatures. Many with extra appendages, eyes, and some even wings.
Morty and I watch in horror as Rick once again screws up everything. Albeit this idea was Morty’s, Rick could have stopped this if he had just warned us in the beginning.
“Bet you're loving this. This must be the best day of your life. You get to be the mayor of I told you town. You're welcome.” Rick babbled drunkenly as he drank more from his flask.
Holy shit. This is irreversible, isn’t it? The world is in ruins because of Morty’s stupid hormones. Everything is different now, it’s unfixable. What’s happening with our family right now? What if they got ripped apart by those… things? The sun rises on the broken world as we settle down on a rooftop. We walk out to sit on the ledge.
“Boy, I really cronenberged the world up, didn't I? We got a whole planet of cronenbergs walking around down there. Hey, Morty. A-at least they're not in love with you anymore, though. That's a huge step in the right direction.
“Oh, my god! It's a living nightmare! How could you be so irresponsible, Rick?” Morty cried.
“Me irresponsible?! You- all I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver, Morty! You're the one who wanted to be wanted me to buckle down and make you up a... roofie-juice serum so you could roofie that poor girl at your school. I mean, g w-w-w-w-w w are you kidding me, Morty? You're gonna try to take the high road on this one? Y-y-y-y-you're a little creep, Morty. Y-you're a you're you're you're just a little creepy... creep person.” Rick lectured as he stood up. Fine, Morty was a creep, is a creep. But Rick is still the ass here.
“All right, fine. I should have just listened to you when you refused to make the serum. I'm willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick. But I'll tell you something you know what? You got to accept your part of the blame! I'm not the one who fooled up the serum! I'm not the one who-who-who-who haphazardly, you know, mixed a bunch of nonsense together and created a bunch of cronenbergs! You got to fix this, Rick!” Morty yells defensively as he stands up as well.
“Yeah, Rick! Fix this! There are millions– no billions of lives that are now destroyed because of your crappy serum! Okay? This one is on, you!” I stand up as well, crossing my arms. I now realize how messed up my dress is but in a less torn fashion than Morty’s. I cannot believe I’m saying this but, I miss Summer. Rick steps closer to us, trying to reconcile.
“All right, all right, Morty. You know, w-w-w-we are in a pretty deep hole, here, but I do have one emergency solution that I can use that'll kind of put everything back to normal, relatively speaking. Here, Morty, put this on while I do a little bit of scouting.” Rick tosses Morty this metal backpack with a green panel, before putting on goggles. This better be a good plan.
. . .
IT WAS NOT A GOOD PLAN!!! Morty and I freak as we walk through a portal into a different dimension. Three identical bodies to our own lay mangled on the ground, blood everywhere.
“Oh, my god, Rick!” I cover my mouth in shock and fear as the metallic smell rushes into my face.
“Is that us?! W-w-w-we're dead! What is going on, Rick? I'm freaking out!” Morty cried hysterically.
“Calm down, you two!” Rick shouted but we tuned him out.
“Oh my god, oh my god. I can’t do this– I cannot, do this.” I pace around while Morty makes more noises of disgust combined with fear.
“I can't deal with this, Rick!” Morty shook his head as Rick grasped him.
“Calm down, Morty!” Rick shook him as I grabbed a trash can and promptly vomited into it. My eyes are pricked with tears at the brutality and the sickly feeling in my stomach.
“This can't be real!”
“You got to calm down, Morty.” Rick reiterates as I retch more, standing up I move over to the two.
“Rick! W-w-w-we-we’re ripped apart!” I stammer, he reaches over and grabs my head before knocking it into Morty’s. The shock shuts us up as he makes us focus on him.
“Shut up and listen to me! It's fine. Everything is fine. There's an infinite number of realities, and in a few dozen of those, I got lucky and turned everything back to normal. I just had to find one of those realities in which we also happen to all die around this time. Now we can just slip into the place of our dead selves in this reality and everything will be fine. We're not skipping a beat, twins. Now, help me with these bodies.”
“This is insane.” Morty muttered as he crouched down near ourselves. Rick hauls up his own body.
“Look, guys, I'll grab myself, you grab yourselves, okay? I mean, t-t-t-that seems fair to me I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up.”
“Rick, what about the reality we left behind?” I sniffed as I walked over to my body. Her eyes were still open and bulged out like they were looking straight at me. Rick’s voice droned in my head as he spoke.
“What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, (Y/N)? The answer is don't think about it. It's not like we can do this every week, anyways. We get three or four more of these, tops. Now, pick up your dead self and come on. Haste makes waste. I-I-I don't suppose you've considered this detail, but obviously, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did, we'd be these guys right now, so, again, you're welcome.”
I suppressed my feelings as Morty and I followed Rick’s orders. We picked up our bodies, dragging them to the backyard. With every step, I felt not like myself, as if I was pushing my consciousness away. It was like I was a bystander, watching myself as I pulled another version of myself. As I dig the grave and push my body into it. I’m thinking of the God complex we must have as people. What of everyone in this universe? They’re the exact same, but they aren’t. Mom, Dad, Summer. They’re the same people, but not our people. We left our family in the universe we ruined. No goodbyes, or even anything to show that we’re okay– to see that they’re okay. The fact that we can do something like this… it’s abhorred. We’re going to live with this family that lost us, what gives us the right to replace them? Walking into the untouched home, I can tell Morty shares the same daze that I’m in. Our parents argue and shout at each other, but the only thing I hear is the ringing in my ears. The only thing I can truly see is my body staring up at me. Rick sits on the couch, unbothered next to a different Summer. Sitting next to her is strange. Everything’s okay now, we left that universe behind, and now, we can carry on with ourselves. Rick must be right, this is the best outcome we could get in our situation, right?
Do you still write fanfiction more specifically Rick and Morty?
I do!
can you do the episode where they went to the Citadel and they found evil Morty
Done! :)
Rick and Morty X F!Reader | S1E10
A/N: I'm back!! Sorry for the freakishly long hiatus! Life has been hectic, I hope you like this week's chapter! I didn't really know how to portray 'evil' (Y/N) so let me know what you think of this! I wanted to do a spin with Morty being the leading sibling. Anyways, enjoy! :)
-
Episode Name- Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind
Word Count- 4,357
Everyone sits around the table eating breakfast as usual, but today is special. It’s the anniversary of Rick coming back after… leaving Mom! Yay!! Honestly, I don’t really have any negative feelings about the anniversary of a return date, but it’s still silly to me.
“Happy anniversary, Dad!” Mom exclaimed as she set down a large plate of mini pancakes containing a singular candle.
“Oh, I get it. Regular pancakes are already shaped like flying saucers.” Rick said as he took a bite out of a pancake. “Mmm, I should be making you breakfast for putting up with me.”
“Should be making us a whole restaurant.” Dad muttered, everyone else was pretty unphased as I was. We all ate our breakfast, considering it wasn’t that important.
“Nonsense,” Mom chuckled, “we couldn’t be happier to have you around. I just wish I got to see more of you.”
A portal opens on the opposite wall. Three accessorized Ricks walk through, and I mean buttoned-up lab coats with belts and holsters. Two of them hold rifles while the center one speaks out. They must have been like the ones Morty and I were captured by, the mere thought of dealing with those kooks again is already annoying.
“Rick Sanchez of Earth Dimension C-137. You are under arrest for crimes against alternate Ricks by the authority of the Trans-Dimensional Council of Ricks.” He points at Rick, the others aim their rifles at our table.
“Hey! What the heck?” Dad calls out, slamming his fist on the table as he rises from his chair. I instinctively reach out for him to not do that but he disregards me.
“Neutralize the Jerry.” Leader Rick orders and one of them promptly fired their gun.
“Wait, no! I'll-” Dad is frozen as he tries to speak. Summer immediately runs to his aid.
“Dad!” She cries, holding onto our frozen father.
“Dad!” Mom shouts at Rick.
“Rick!” Morty and I say a little more timidly than Mom simultaneously. Rick’s expression dampens as he stands from his chair.
“Everybody relax. If I know these a-holes, and I am these a-holes, they just wanna haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions. Let’s get it over with.”
“Bring his twins.” The Leader Rick belches, now pointing at us instead. Morty and I sigh.
“Oh, man…” We are then detained by the other Ricks.
“Leave my twins out of this!” Rick belched back before being detained as well.
“You lost the right to have a say in these things when you refused to join the council.” Leader Rick belched once again– okay can we stop with the belching? I get it, Rick’s an alcoholic. Sorry.
“Wait, wh-wh-wh-what about Jerry?” Mom stammered as we were being hauled by the Ricks. She points to our frozen dad.
“Will you at least unfreeze my daughter’s idiot?” Rick said before walking into the portal. The Leader Rick doesn’t say anything, but I see him shoot at Jerry before I’m also pulled through the portal.
. . .
The portal leads to a huge cliche utopian-looking city. Gold architecture with plenty of fountains that were built into this large river. Behind us is a Rick statue sitting on a throne, also in a golden texture. Looking around, it's very futuristic. It’s like you dropped yellow on a huge Star Wars spaceship. But, there’s Rick. Lots of them, I’ve heard of the citadel and different versions of ourselves but wow. All around I see Ricks, Mortys, and (Y/N)s. I guess we’re not that disposable, considering that most of these trios include both Morty and me. That's sort of comforting in a way. Perhaps that prison of ourselves was just a minority. Morty doesn’t seem to hold the same mental rollercoaster as I am however, he looks around with a cloud of naivety and marvel.
“Geez, Rick! Wh-what is this place?”
“The Citadel of Ricks. It’s the secret headquarters for the council of Ricks.” Rick answered as we started walking. I see more versions of the three of us, some lacking me, actually. I’m not as comforted.
“Council of Ricks?”
“As you know, Morty, I’ve got a lotta enemies in the universe that consider my genius a threat. Galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic government- wh-wherever you find people with heads up their asses someone wants a piece of your grandpa. And a lot of versions of me on different timelines had the same problem. So a few thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea of banding together like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on Yahoo Answers-”
“Hey, what do you know? It’s a cowboy version of us!” Morty nudges me to look at the sauntering cowboy version of us.
“Geez, you’re easy to impress. Yeah, most timelines have a Rick, and most Ricks have a set of twins. This place is a real who’s-who of who’s you and me.
“A council of Rick’s though? Very cliche…” I comment as we walk past salesman Ricks.
“Turn your boring old twins into a hot fashion statement, with some twin dazzlers!” One salesman advertises, I reach for one and Rick moves me back.
“Hey, check this out!” A second salesman shows dolls of Morty and me, he presses a speech button on their chests.
“Show me the Morty!”
“Show me the (Y/N)!”
“Dumb.” Rick shrugged, unimpressed.
“‘Scuse me, sir. Is your Morty insured?” Another salesman approaches. “You know, every year hundreds of Mortys are injured in-”
“Back off!” Rick snaps.
“What? Why don’t I have an insurance?!” I protest. Rick ignores me.
“Not my cup of tea, this place. I say the point of being a Rick is being a Rick.”
“Save your anti-Rick speech for the council of Ricks, terror-Rick!” One of the Ricks retorted. I snorted at the phrase ‘terror-Rick’.
“Hey, save your Rick rules for the sheep-Ricks, Rick-pig.” Rick belched.
“Fuck me, pal.”
“Fuck you?! No no no no no, fuck me!”
Their bickering comes to a halt as we approach the end of a long hallway, the large doors flushing open as we’re brought under what I assume to be the council of Ricks. The room is round and golden of course. It looks to be a jury of ourselves standing around, while the Rick council is seated off above. We’re slowly pushed to the front. The center council Rick speaks.
“Bring up the holograms!” He commanded and a hologram to the side displaying multiple dead Ricks appeared. “Twenty-seven Ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines. An unprecedented Rick-icidal epidemic. What say you, Earth Rick C-137?”
“You think I did this? Why am I the first Rick you pull in every time a Rick stubs his toe?” Rick opposed as he stood forward.
“You have a history of non-cooperation with the council.”
“Yeah, so does the scientist formerly known as Rick! Wh-wh-wh-why isn’t he here in handcuffs?”
“Because he’s dead too!” A snazzy-looking Rick is shown dead on the hologram. The crowd cries out. “Who else would you have us question? You fit the profile! Of all the Ricks in the Central Finite Curve, you’re the Malcontent! The rogue.”
“I’m the Rick! And so were the rest of you before you formed this stupid alliance. You wanted to be safe from the government so you became a stupid government. That makes every Rick here less Rick than me.” The other Ricks murmur among themselves in disagreement. “Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them. They’re about to hit that critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste. And I hate to get all Andy Rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy discs of cake with syrup on top! And I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there’s evidence! So as they say in Canada, peace oot!”
“Evidence? Good idea. Scan his Portal Gun!” The Rick that was escorting us reached into Rick’s inner pocket, retrieving his portal gun before slotting it into the console.
“Oh, come on. Don’t look at another man’s Portal Gun history. We-we all go to weird places.”
“Yes, but it appears you alone have been going to the exact timelines and locations in which the murders occurred!” The screen flashes, showing each universe Rick has gone to, highlighting the ones that line up with the murders.
“What? That’s Rick-diculous. I’m obviously being set up!”
“Earth Rick C-137! The Council of Ricks sentences you to The Machine of Unspeakable Doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you know becomes impossible to grasp! Also, every ten seconds it stabs your balls.”
“I’ve heard enough.” Rick elbows and simultaneously unarms the Rick behind him, freeing himself before shooting through our handcuffs. “Run!” The two of us get the message and we run behind Rick. In the corridor, the other Ricks tail behind, Rick shoots portals, sending random amalgamations at the Ricks. Morty screams as they fire at us. I yelp and we jump off a balcony into a portal. We land in buttworld, on a butt. We bounce off but before I have time to make a joke the other Ricks catch up. We run through another portal, pass the pizza dimension, pass the greasy grandma dimension, pass the phone people dimension, and then finally into the doopidoo dimension. Rick fires a ton of portals before we hop into one.
This universe was sentient chairs, and people as the chairs I guess. We walk out on the street.
“That’ll keep ‘em busy for a while.” Rick belched.
“Hey Rick, those guys weren’t right- were they? You wouldn’t kill yourself? Or selves?” I question.
“‘Course not, (Y/N)! How could that profit me? Someone out there is killing Ricks, and the council ain’t gonna stop thinking it’s me until we clear our names.By finding the real Rick killer.”
“I’m scared, Rick!” Morty said, “Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons like that show Doomsday Preppers.”
“Not really my style, Morty. Besides, your home is most likely swarming with Ricks right now.”
. . .
The three of us sit in a restaurant, sitting on- people. Feels weird, and I feel bad. I guess that’s what they’re for and all but still. Oh yeah and the food’s phone.
“The Ricks are probably gonna waste some time messing with Jerry. They won’t be able to help themselves. But as soon as they get bored they’ll be on to us.”
“Phones á la clams, and phonesgetti with phoneballs. Anything else?” Our chair waiter sets down our ‘phone’ food.
“Yeah, more phonesticks please.” Rick replied as he shook the basket of phone breadsticks.
“Right away, sir.”
“You know Rick, when I first saw all those Ricks, (Y/N)s, and Mortys, I thought ‘gee, that kinda devalues our bond.’ But then I realized that just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines.” Morty smiled. I let out an awkward sound.
“Yeah, it’s gotta be that way. You’re a camouflage.”
“Rick!” I kicked him. He rolled his eyes at me as he fiddled with his portal gun.
“No, what- let him finish. Camouflage? Wh-wh-what are you talking about, Rick?” Morty asks.
“Ricks have a very distinct and traceable brainwave due to our genius. The best way to hide from an enemy’s radar is to stand near someone with complementary brain waves that make ours invisible. See, wh-wh-when a Rick is with a Morty, the genius waves get canceled out by the uh, Morty waves.”
“What about (Y/N)?”
“Her waves just interfere with my waves, not very useful in hindsight.”
“So um… is it because… our personalities are so different?”
“Morty… that isn’t what-” I start.
“You-you’re acting like you kne-”
“Oh, shit dog!” Rick exclaimed as he held out his portal gun. “My portal gun was hacked remotely Morty, obviously by the real killer to frame me. But I was able to trace the signal. Come on, let’s go!”
We stand before a pair of Ricks and a Morty enter the restaurant, talking to the host. We share a look before quickly constructing human chairs to look like us before escaping out the back. We take their police vehicle and fly off.
. . .
“Hey, it’s a good thing that space outlet had lab coats and both of your guys’ favorite kinds of shirts in stock, huh Morty?” Rick repeats, breaking the tense silence.
“Yeah, Rick. I-I heard you the first time. You don’t have to keep saying it over and over and over.” Morty grumbled.
“Man, this place is wayyy off the grid. This guy does not wanna be found.”
“Well, if he’s a Rick, doesn’t he just have to stand by a Morty to hide? I mean, isn’t that what Mortys are? Human cloaking devices?”
“Morty, you’re making a bigger deal out of this than it is.”
“And you’re the one who didn’t want me to tell him, then say it’s not a big deal– hypocrite.” I murmur and Rick shoots me a dirty look.
“Hey I never told you to keep it away from him, that was all you (Y/N).”
“Was that the big secret you kept from me?! How long have you known this??” Morty questioned me, my face dropped a little as I turned away. I quickly sit up to change the topic as we pull towards a large dome.
“Oh my god, guys, look! There’s a bunch of people strapped all over that building!” I shout.
“Not people, (Y/N). Mortys.” Rick replied, partially amazed. As we got closer, I realized that they were being stabbed repeatedly, blood pooling down. I physically cringe. That’s another level of horrid.
“Oh my god… wh-why would somebody do this? It’s horrible!” Morty shouts.
“Well, one Morty’s enough to hide from the bureaucrats. But you g- you get a whole matrix of Mortys and put ‘em in agonizing pain. That creates a pattern that can hide even from other Ricks, motherfucker. I fiddled with a concept like this once.” Rick replied thoughtfully, Morty and I shared a look of horror before Rick raised his arms in a defensive position.
“On paper, on paper! I wouldn’t do this, it’s barbaric overkill. I mean, you could accomplish the same result with like five Mortys and a jumper cable.” We start to climb out of the vehicle, we glance back at his further brainstorming. “Which I also wouldn’t do! I’m just saying, it’s bad craftsmanship.”
“Still a better way to word that!” I remark.
. . .
Morty rants to Rick as we traverse the insides of the dome, roots all over the walls and the ceilings. I know Rick’s aren’t super- put together but this seems trashy.
“You don’t care about me at all! I’m no different than that jacket you’ve got on! Y-y-or-or your stupid portal gun! I’m just a tool! I-I’m just an object!”
“Hey, it’s your choice to take it personally, Morty. Now for the love of god, be quiet! The point of this is to get the drop on the guy!”
“You know what Rick, I’ll tell you something! I’m more than a human shield!”
“Yeah, that’s right! You are! You’re a perfect impenetrable suit of human armor, Morty! Because you’re as dumb as I am smart! Which is why when I say ‘shut up’ it’s really good advice.” Morty tears up at his harsh words and looks at me with a pained expression.
“Don’t look at me.” I shrug, “I told you he was an ass from day one.” A bunch of lobster-looking aliens pop up around us, surrounding us. Probably due to Morty’s yelling, but I can’t fault him for that. I felt the same way when I first found out, Rick’s dismissal of things isn’t helping either.
“Great, nice work, Morty.” Rick groaned as he started to fight the aliens before being overwhelmed, he groaned even louder in frustration.
Slow claps echo from a dark corridor as edgy-looking versions of Rick and Morty walk in, their Rick slow clapping. But there isn’t me there?
“Ooh, look at you, C-137! You’re- aren’t you a tough customer?” The other Rick greets.
“The slow clap? Really? Kinda played out, dude.” Rick crosses his arms, unimpressed.
“Not in this dimension it isn’t. In fact, hah, I invented it and nobody else has ever even done it here before.” He gloats, getting up in our faces.
“Wow, that makes it original then.” I snort. I notice that the other Morty has an eyepatch, but I cannot stop thinking about my alternate self. I knew that she had to exist at some point, what could have happened? I doubt she’d be dead, would she be?
“Well lah-dee-dah.” Rick slowly claps mockingly before the other ‘evil’ Rick slaps his hand away angrily.
“Hey, that’s mine! Whatever, just grab them.”
Before we can protest, the lobsters move closer to us. They grip Morty and I by our shirts and Rick by his arms, carrying us down another corridor.
“I don’t like the look of that Rick. We gotta escape.” Rick whispers.
“I’m not gonna help you, Rick. Y-you’re a monster.” Morty turns away.
“Don’t be Rickdiculous, Morty.”
“W-will you stop saying that? It’s stupid.”
“God, not the time Morty! We need to get out of here.” I whisper-yell before Morty and I are set down.
“Take his twins away.”
“Come with me.” The evil Morty states as he walks off. I don’t move in protest.
“What? No! Rick?!” I try to shove past but Evil Morty quickly bodies me, gripping onto me.
“Move.” He spoke coolly. I shrug him off and sigh as Morty garners a different reaction.
“Yeah, gladly. Geez man, Ricks huh?” Morty begins as we follow Evil Morty. “Hey man, you seem to know how this place works. Is there any way we can… shut down that grid and rescue all those Mortys outside?”
“It would be pointless. Mortys have no chance of defeating a Rick.” He deadpanned as he opened a door.”In here.”
“That’s bullshit- who told you that-? Holy shit.” I gape as I see what is behind the door, it is a crowd of shivering Mortys similar to the citadel prison but in gross conditions. They tremble in fear, all their eyes on us. I open my mouth in shock but Morty is quickly shoved inside as he approaches slowly. “Wait!” I shouted but it was too late. The Evil Morty pulled me from the door.
. . .
“Let go of me!” I shout as he drags me away from the Morty chamber. Evil Morty shouts back.
“Stop it!”
“Wow, you can speak a higher octave– never mind, what’s going to happen to Morty?”
“You saw the dome, if another Morty were to die- he’d eventually replace that one, and so on.”
“Okay, better question.” I push him off. “What’s going to happen to me? Why didn’t you just shove me in there, or kill me- or something?”
“What makes you think I’m not going to kill you?”
“Maybe at the fact I’m not dead yet.”
“...Touche.” Evil Morty nodded coldly, I felt myself getting even more nervous as the situation settled in. Brainwashed Mort over here looks like he’s about to sacrifice me and Morty is yet again trapped somewhere separated from me. The fact that he’s just staring at me during this silence isn’t making me feel any better. I would assume that he doesn’t know what his Rick wants to do to me yet and is waiting for him to be done with my Rick first. The way he looks at me is also saddening for some reason. Like he’s seeing a ghost, please god don’t make his (Y/N) dead. It’ll explain it but I’d rather that not be the case.
“Uhm, if you’re not going to kill me then… At least tell me where your (Y/N) is? I don’t sense her on my (Y/N) radar, ha-ha.” I awkwardly joke and he gives me an odd expression before it softens again.
“She’s…” Dead? “Unavailable.”
“Such a weak fucking answer, where?” I pressure. Evil Morty hesitates like he wants me to look for his counterpart. He glances back at the Morty chamber before wandering off further. I follow suit. We go deep into the dome, to the bottom floor. Another large door swooshes open. I see myself.
Rugged and hooked up to a machine suspended against the wall is me, situated in a way similar to the Mortys outside. I don’t even know what to say. She looks at me quietly, holding this melancholy look I’ve noticed all the other timelines of me have. Her mouth is covered, and she looks weak, tired. I don’t say anything at first, just walking up to her, to me. I can see my reflection in the dimness of her eyes, I turn back to Evil Morty.
“What- why is she like that?” I choke out, not realizing how much emotion that had been instilled in me.
“Rick.” He states. “You mess with our natural brainwaves, he sees you more as a burden than a tool. But, with her, he turned the interference into a signal boost for the other Mortys. All day every day she’s stuck here. It’s worse than the torture.”
“Why don’t you fight back, stop your Rick? At the very least turn him in– he’s a galactic criminal!” My sadness turns to anger. How could he let it get this way? If this was Morty and me, I know I would have done everything possible to stop anything like this from happening, even if it killed me- or us.
“I already said, a Morty can’t beat a Rick. Besides, it’s a small thing necessary for the bigger picture.”
“Small thing for the bigger picture?! You’ve gotta be shitting me! That fact stands that you didn’t even try to help (Y/N) is disgraceful! That’s not what siblings are for! Especially twins! She’s your other half so treat her like it! Part of me thinks you’re working with your Rick! How come you’ve done absolutely nothing so far?!” My face heats up as I tear into Evil Morty. His eyes widen at my outburst before alarms blare over the dome. He quickly rushes over to the room’s console and activates the cameras. I see a pool of Morty’s rushing into the holding room containing our two Ricks. They attack and tear into him, I give an exasperated laugh as I turn to Evil Morty. “Look! You dumbass! Not even an hour after showing up and my Morty has already killed your Rick. You must be smart to be your Rick’s Morty, so be Morty!” I press a random large button and (Y/N) is immediately dropped from the machine, Evil Morty goes over to her. He doesn’t say anything, he turns to me briefly.
“Don’t count on seeing me again.”
I stare at him in confusion before leaving the room, I run the same path I came from to reunite with my original Rick and Morty. Morty hugs me as I see the citadel Rick’s sweep in to start containing the scene.
“Where were you?” Morty asked.
“Oh y’know, making new friends.” I respond vaguely.
“The hell does that mean?” Rick interrupts and a citadel member walks over, I get his attention.
“What’s gonna happen to all these Mortys?”
“They’ll go back to their families, attend school regularly, play video games, date girls… poor little Rickless bastards…”.
. . .
We’re now back in front of the council of Ricks, under better circumstances. The main council Rick speaks.
“Earth Rick C-137, the Council apologizes for its false accusation. And in the way of reparations for our terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement Morty, in the event that your current Morty should-” Rick cuts him off after constantly signaling him to stop talking. Morty’s original proud expression is now disdain at the reminder of his new knowledge about our roles.
“Uh, guys? Not a good time. Come on, Morty, let’s hit it.” Rick turns Morty away, still swiping the voucher.
“Ha, see? I’m so special there isn’t even a voucher for me.” I jokingly gloat.
“Or you’re just less valuable so they don’t care about replacing you in general.” Rick retorts. Ouch, that one, that one did hurt. But it seems me being the butt of the joke brightened Morty as we left the council building.
“Is it time for arcs yet, Rick? I did a pretty great job back there for a human cloaking device. Saved your ass.”
“Oh right, you did lead that Morty revolution, that was pretty sick.” I commend.
“Alright, Morty, don’t break an arm jerking yourself off.” Rick dismissed.
“Man, I can’t believe you, Rick! That right there! Tha-that was a great opportunity to show a little humanity. You know? To connect with me a little?”
“Yeah, Rick that wasn’t really called for.” I added.
“Hey Morty, you want connection? Go be part of some stupid club like all those dumb Ricks. You know, maybe I don’t connect because I’m the Rickest Rick there is. And you know, it would go without saying that the Rickest Rick… would have the Mortyest Morty.”
“I came up with that phrase first.” I murmur but get ignored.
“It would go without saying, huh?” Morty grinned.
“Yeah, it would. Did you hear me say it?” Rick said.
“Na,” Morty whispers to himself, “The Mortyest Morty…”
“Just don’t get too big for your loafers, Buster Brown. A cocky Morty could lead to some big problems. Could be a real bad thing for everybody.”
“Oh yeah, how’s that?”
“I-I-I’ll explain when you’re older.”
“Huh, where have I heard that before?” I ask no one in particular as we portal back home. I hope that Evil (Y/N) is okay… Didn’t seem like her Morty was too concerned. But it’s whatever. Not like we’ll see them again anyway.
Hi :) just wanted to know if request were still available for the series if not I completely understand have a nice day/night (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃
They are! I plan on continuing this series soon so I still take requests :)
Looking for Requests!
Hey everyone! I’ve decided to come back to my Rick and Morty series, so if you have any episodes you’d like me to write let me know!
Rick and Morty X F!Reader (Platonic) | S1E2
Episode Name- Lawnmower Dog
Word Count- 6,492
Morty and I hang out in our room. We sit in comfortable silence doing our own thing. We both jerked our heads up at the sound of Dad yelling.
"Morty..." I warn. He looks at me, then to the door.
"W-what if there is actually something wrong? Like something b-broke into the house and attacked Dad?" He retorts.
"Okay fine," I sigh, putting the book I was reading down. "but if it's not anything abnormal or crazy, you owe me twenty bucks."
"Deaaal." He groans. We quickly rush downstairs to the living room. "What's wrong?" He asks Morty. Summer lounges on the couch, an early sign that nothing important is happening.
"Your idiot dog!" Dad exclaims.
"Aww, it's just Snuffles." I reach over to him, petting his soft white fur.
"Oh, he didn't mean it, Dad." Morty excuses, coming over to me, petting him also. "Did you, Snuffles? You're a good boy."
"Don't praise him now, Morty! He just peed on the carpet!" Dad separates us from Snuffles and pushes his nose into his piss spot. "Bad dog! Bad!" I go over to grab him back. Rick pulls Morty and me up by our arms.
"Kids, come on. I need your help tonight." He starts to drag us off.
"Hey, wait, hold on a second, Rick." Dad interrupts, standing up from his armchair. "You wouldn't by any chance have some sort of crazy science thing you could whip up that might help make this dog a little smarter, would you?"
"I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Jerry. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread. Come on, kids." Rick drags us again. Dad grabs our other arms. Summer still ignores the situation.
"Listen, Rick, if you're gonna stay here rent-free and use my kids for your stupid science, the least you could do is put a little bit of it to use for the family. You make that dog smart, or the twins are grounded!" Dad tugs us both towards him.
"Aww, man." Morty and I groan. Rick glares at us for a brief moment for our synchronization. But why are we being roped into this?
"Ha-ha!" Summer calls out. Shut up Summer.
"Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry." Rick leaves for the garage. I put my hand out for Morty as noises are heard from the garage.
"What?" He questions, rubbing the arm Rick was holding him with.
"You know what." I smirk. Morty sighs and reaches into his pocket, putting a twenty into my hand. "Good doin' business with ya." I put the bill away. Rick enters the room, a small helmet in hand. He puts it on top of Snuffles.
"All right, Ruffles. What's his name?" Rick asks.
"Snuffles." Morty corrects.
"Snuffles, shake." Snuffles does so and lifts a paw to Rick and shakes. "Rollover." He rolls over. "Go to the bathroom." Snuffles leaves the room, and a toilet flushes: he then returns. We all marvel in amazement. Now that is cool. Let's just hope his intelligence is limited to only tricks. "Yeah, you're at the top of your game now. Jerry. Have fun. Come on, kids." Rick drags us out of the living room. We walk into the garage.
"That was fantastic, Rick!" Morty beams.
"Yeah, imagine everything else he could do now." I nod along.
"Yeah. If you like that, boy. You're-you're really going to flip your lids over this one." Rick steps to the side of his invention and shows it to us. He shows us a small plug-like device that looks like a USB, needing a magnifying glass to see up close.
"W-w-w-what is it?" Morty questions, we lean away from the object.
"It's a device, Morty," Rick picks it up, "that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty. It's just like that movie you keep crowing about." It places the device in a case.
"You talking about 'Inception'?" He replies.
"That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may-" Rick belches, putting the case in his neverending lab coat pocket, "be make sense.”
"'Inception' made sense."
"No, it didn't." I snickered. Or I'm too dumb to understand, but Rick didn't get it either so. Didn’t seem to be that smart of a movie anyway.
"You don't have to try to impress me, Morty. Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. (Y-(Y/N) is fine, but it is so you can, you know, y-you two are gonna help me with my science, all the time."
"Wow, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing couldn't you just have, you know, helped Morty with his homework?" I comment.
"Th-then what have you b-een d- are you even listening to me (Y/N)? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it." Rick opens the ship door, and we all get into our regular seats. "Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me."
. . .
We sneak into Mr. Goldenfold's house, Rick helping Morty and me into his house through the window. Eugh, he lives in a dump. Why is the trash so sparsely scattered on the floor? The small TV continues to play until Rick shuts it off. It was a basic house, the living room was tiny and closed off from the rest of the house.
"Uh-oh! Spoilers!" Rick whispers. "I'm a full season behind."
"This place is nasty." I comment, looking over Mr. Goldenfold's sleeping body on his beanbag. There is a bowl of popcorn on his stomach. How can he fall asleep like that?
"Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird." Morty exhales. It was strange. Other than the one he was sitting in there were multiple bean bag chairs across the tiny room. Part of me believes they haven’t been sat in since he got them.
"It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty." I hear Rick respond and a thud following it. I see Morty on the floor and Rick approaching me with the device.
"Woahwoahwoah! Can I at least get comfortable before you put me under!? Let me sit down or something!" I protest.
"No."
"Aww man-" Rick grabs my arm and slots the device into my ear. I go cold for a second before waking up in an airplane. I sit in the window seat, Morty next to me, and Rick in the aisle. We all peer out to the aisle. The lady from that show Goldefold was watching iis the attendant. What was her name? Oh yeah, Mrs. Pancakes.
"Wheat Thins. Wheat Thins." She calls as she rolled the cart down the aisle. For an airplane, it had a decently wide aisle. Mr. Goldenfold flags her down.
"I'll take two." He leans out.
"Oh, I think you've had enough, sir."
"You don't know me." They both laugh at his reference to the show. I smile a little at the joke. Yeah, I've watched it. It’s entertaining. Anyways.
"All right, kids, time to make our move." Rick grabs full soda bottles from a random cart conveniently nearby. He straps them to his chest, here we go. He hands Morty and me a cover-up. I don't put it on.
"I'm not going to help you pull a nine-eleven." I scowl.
"Fine, good job showing concern for your o-own brother's grades." He gets up from his seat Morty behind him. Morty had put the cloth on his head. "Allahu-" Rick belches, showing off the sodas, "akbar! We're gonna take control of this plane. We're gonna nine-eleven it unless Morty Smith gets better grades in math!" Mr. Goldenfold stands up with Mrs. Pancakes. I sit slightly higher in my seat to look. "Hey! I said nobody move, buddy!"
"The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you!" Mr. Goldenfold grabs crackers nearby and uses them like ninja stars.
"Take cover!" It punctures Rick's soda 'bombs' and pierces Morty's arm. I cringe at Morty's wound as Mr. Goldenfold pulls out two assault rifles, firing them in our direction. Rick and Morty cover in seats a few rows behind. I carefully duck under seats and regroup with them. Morty whines as Mr. Goldenfold still screams, firing the two assault rifles. "Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math." Rick belches, " I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, kids, but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real.
"What?! Are you kidding me?!" Morty and I both yell.
"Don't be a baby!" Rick responds. "You avoid getting shot in real life all the time. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine."
"Reassuring." I groan. "Do you at least have a plan?"
"As a matter of fact-" Rick belches, "(Y/N). I do. We're going to take Mrs. Pancakes as a hostage and trade her."
"This is Mr. Goldenfold's dream. Can't he just teleport her back?" I question.
"The thing is, he doesn't know this is a dream yet."
"Alright, here we go." I sigh. Rick somehow gets Mrs. Pancakes on his side of the aisle. He peers in the middle.
"Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk!" Rick stays low to the ground when peeking. Mr. Goldenfold halts his assault.
"Why would I negotiate with you?" He questions.
"Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield." Rick stands up, with Mrs. Pancakes in a chokehold.
"Mrs. Pancakes, AAAAAH!" Mr. Goldenfold screams, dropping the guns and cowering down. Everyone else on the plane freaks out in a similar matter.
"Oh, no, kids. His subconscious is panicking." Rick comments, still holding onto Mrs. Pancakes. I hear one passenger scream louder than the others before the emergency door bursts open. Morty and I hold onto nearby seats as people fly out of the plane. My hair gets tugged, and I hear a scream as Morty lets go. God damn it. I let go and smash into Rick at the emergency door. We all tumble out. My arms flail around as I try to gain balance in the arm, Morty screeches before Rick slaps him. I swim in the air to get closer to Rick and Morty. Huh, I guess it does kind of have a ring to it.
"Relax, Morty. Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on!" Rick points to Mrs. Pancakes, and the three of us maneuver our way over to her. Morty and I grab onto Rick. He pulls Mrs. Pancakes' parachute, and we all hang onto her.
"You don't know me." Mrs. Pancake scoffs.
"Oh, no, Rick, look! Goldenfold landed the plane, and he's created a mechanical arm to pluck Mrs. Pancakes out of the air while he lets us fall into a giant vat of lava!" Morty explains. I look at the contraption Mr. Goldenfold created. He was right. There was indeed a vat of lava and a mechanical arm he was controlling.
"Pretty concise, Morty. Looks like we've merely prolonged the inevitable." Rick immediately comes up with a plan, "That's it, Morty! Prolonging the inevitable! Listen, if we go into Mrs. Pancakes' dream, everything will go 100 times slower, Morty. That'll buy us some time to figure this out!"
"Dying in Mr. Goldenfold's dream is the last I want to do!" I yell, punching Mrs. Pancake to unconsciousness. Morty gives me a flabbergasted look.
"All right, let's go." Rick ignores my sudden aggression and grabs more dream inceptors. He inserts us into the dream of Mrs. Pancakes. We land in a sort of, sex, dungeon?
"Oh, man, Rick, this is pretty weird." Morty looks around at the multiple different alien-type creatures. Mrs. Pancakes sits on a throne, whipping some of the alien-gremlin things.
"Don't judge Morty." Rick also stares intently at the whipping Mrs. Pancakes.
"Ohh, well I'm totally judging, and I’m not liking what I’m seeing" I smile awkwardly, kind of grossed out. I mean everyone pretty much knew he was weird anyway. Seeing it though is just, yuck.
"Okay. All right. Well Look, Mrs. Pancakes is right over there. I'll just go ask her to tell Goldenfold not to kill us when she wakes up." Morty stands up and starts to walk before getting grabbed by Rick.
"Whoa, whoa, Morty. The trick to incepting is making people think they came up with the idea." Rick pulls off his lab coat and tosses it to Morty. "Listen to me. If we're gonna incept Mrs. Pancakes, we have to blend." Rick takes his blue undershirt off. He then takes his pants off. I look away as mini-sex gremlins rush to him. "I'll talk to you after lunch." Ew, he goes off with them. Another image I will later work to erase.
"What's the plan, then?" I move closer to Morty.
"I-I don't-" Morty is interrupted by a sex monster rubbing his arm.
"Ooh, hey!" It greets.
"Ooh, oh! Oh, man." Morty recoils from the monster. More monsters approach us. One starts touching me too. We both get very uncomfortable for obvious reasons and run away. This is soo fucking weird. Two more get a hold of Morty and me.
"Come and join us." It asks.
"Nopenopenope, sorry no!" I push it off, and Morty does the same with his. We run before stopping in front of a large frog woman.
"Ooh, wow!" She lays in a mud bath named 'The Pleasure Pit', "Come over here, you two."
"We're fine!" I yell out, pushing Morty away. We bump into a human, about time. Whoa, she actually looks- holy shit that's-
"Summer?!" Morty screams out. She walks closer to us, wearing this pink and black lace lingerie.
"Hey, there, strangers." Summer leans over to us, "What do you think of these things?" She shakes her tits in our faces. It's not the first time I've seen her in underwear but never in this context. I want this entire experience erased from my brain. I cover my eyes backing away. Morty has a more verbal reaction.
"Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross!" He cries. I hear a thud, assuming he fell over.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you two, kids? Calm down! You're both kind of killing the vibe in here." I hear Rick's voice, along with chains? Oh god, I don't even want to know what he is wearing.
"I-it's Summer!" Morty stutters.
"Aw, geez. Looks like Goldenfold has some predilections so shameful he buries them in the dreams of the people in his dreams, including a pervy attraction to your underage sister." Rick points out. I reopen my eyes and stand next to Rick, trying not to look at his--attire. I was right. He is wearing this gimp-type chain sex thing. Morty gets from the ground and steps next to the other side of Rick. I try to look anywhere but Rick or Summer.
"Can you blame him?" Summer crawls to us. "Come on, old man, little girl and boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich." She traces our bodies with her hands before pulling us together. Rick pushes her away. All of us shield ourselves, overlapping each other.
"Oh, my God. Put some clothes on for the love of God-Summer! Put some-I'm gonna puke! I swear to God I'm gonna puke!" Rick’s voice is the loudest as he backs up from her.
"Oh, my God! Put some clothes on, for Pete's sake! This is disgusting! I can't take it, Rick!" Morty’s voice is screechy as he also backs up.
"Oh, Jesus Christ! Summer-don't! Just don't do that! Please just put some clothes on! That's disgusting! This really wasn’t worth what we came for!" I yell out under the other two as I fully turn around from her. We came here for a fucking grade. I probably could just cheat for him.
Everyone around us goes quiet. A large-red-headed centaur goes in front of us. We stop our whining as he towers over us.
"Sexual hang-ups in the pleasure chamber are punishable by death! Off with their heads!" He swings his large spear at us. Rick dodges it and rolls over to the centaur.
"Time to go into another dream kids!" Rick grapples his neck, choking him out.
"Don't need to tell me twice." I cringe. Rick puts the inceptors in, and Morty and I do ours.
We drop down into a new area. The room is red, with incinerators behind us. Rick is luckily in regular clothes again.
"What the hell? Why would Mr. Goldenfold's dream version of Mrs.
Pancakes' dream version of a Centaur, be dreaming about a scary place like this, Rick?" Morty queried, looking around. The centaur stands next to us, sucking his thumb.
"Geez, I don't know, Morty. Wha-what do you want from me?" Rick crosses his arms. An annoying screeching sound catches our attention. A figure appears at the end of the corridor.
"Welcome to your nightmare, bitch!" A weird deformed-looking Freddy Kruger charges at us, screaming.
"Oh, here we go." Rick starts to run.
"Ooohhh! Holy crap!" Morty and I scream. We run in the tight corridors of the industrially looking dream. Rick runs next to us.
"Looks like some sort of legally safe knock-off of an '80s horror character with miniature swords for fingers instead of knives." Rick clarifies as we run.
"I'm scary Terry. You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!" He yells from behind us. We continue to run around, avoiding Terry as he conveniently pops out of every corner. A girl talks in the background.
"'A, B his name is Scary Terry 'C' 'D' he's very scary." The girl echos through the area.
"Holy crap!" Morty yells as Terry jumps out at us again. I pull him up as he stumbles. "We have to escape into someone else's dreams, kids." Rick starts, and we continue running as Terry pops up in areas in front of us.
"I'm not dying over a movie knock-off!" I scream. He crawls overhead us and jumps in front of us. All of us freak out and make a sharp turn. We all locate the creepy girl singing. Rick points at her as she keeps mindlessly singing. Creepy, oh shit right, we're still being chased.
"The little girl!" He knocks her out. We all intercept her dream. We wake up-in the same fucking dream. The girl continues to sing that stupid ass song. "Are you kidding me? This again? Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, kids."
"Bedrock?! You mean there isn't any way else to go?!" I scream.
"Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-whoa, this isn't good." Morty whines.
"Nothing but fear from here on out bitch!" Terry appears next to us and we continue running.
"Holy crap! He can travel through dreams. He can travel through dreams! We're so screwed!" Rick exclaims.
"You think?!" I cry out as we continue running from him. Who knew the most stress would come from this adventure out of the rest, just because Morty happens to be a dumbass. The whole stress of the chase dies down as we exit the building. The world is very similar to the nightmare on elm street but redder, very red. Rick skids over a car into the driver's seat. I beat Morty inside, making him sit in the back without a seatbelt. Seems like he is too nervous to protest.
"What are we here for again? Incepting? We're trying to incept-"
"We're trying to intercept me to get an 'A', in math?" Morty interrupts Rick, Rick murmurs an 'oh yeah' and starts the car. Morty screeches and jumps onto me in the front. The two of us scramble as he tries to straighten himself up. Terry pokes up from the back.
"Buckle up, bitch!" Terry leans against the seat. Morty and I once again scream as we all crawl out of the car. The two of us recover quickly before following Rick as we continue to run
"Why does he say bitch so much?!" I yell.
"You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!" Terry yells behind us.
"Hold on, kids. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can't hide?" Rick starts as we take cover next to a broken-down house. "I say we try hiding."
"But that's the opposite of what-" Morty starts.
"Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything?" I nod in approval of Rick's theory, it's dumb, but this is a dream.
"Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick." Morty ponders.
"Worst-case scenario, we're back to running." Rick shrugs.
. . .
After around six dream hours, we traced back to Scary Terry's house due to Rick's plan actually working. We camp outside Terry's house. Apparently, he has a wife and kid as well. We stay crouched in front of the dining room window and Rick nudges the both of us. I snap back to attention.
"Kids, this is perfect. After a little scary coitus, they should be fast asleep, and then we'll intecept him." Off-topic, but he does have a pretty nice-looking house. The three of us sneak inside after they uh, have some 'coitus'. I grimace at their weird-looking bodies and the marks left all over the room. Terry flinches in his sleep.
"Looks like Scary Terry's having a nightmare." Rick prepares the inceptors.
"Oh, boy, Rick. I can only imagine what horrible things must, you know, scare Scary Terry." Morty watches Rick and we incept Terry's dream. We watch Terry from afar. We are in a school? He went to school? What would he learn? The bell rings and a younger Terry looks up.
"Oh, no! I'm late to class, bitch!" He shoves his locker close and looks down. "Oh, no! I'm not wearing any pants!" Terry rushes to class as other scary monster girls laugh at him. We join the class he was late for and sit behind him.
"Ah, well Mr. Terry, why don't you tell the whole class the proper wordplay to use when one is chasing one's victim through a pumpkin patch?" The teacher questions, getting into Terry's face. Monster school is weird, why is wordplay important if you're isolating your victim and killing them? Terry mumbles to himself, before answering.
"Oh, uh, um-- 'bitch.'" He answers. The class laughs as the teacher gets off of Terry's desk.
"Oh, come on, Terry. You can't think of a pun involving pumpkins, bitch?" The teacher taunts.
"Hey, leave him alone!" Morty interjects, pulling the attention towards him.
"Yeah!" I call out, standing out of my desk chair, "You're giving him shit for no reason!"
"This is a bunch of bullcrap. Who cares what stupid pun you make when you kill someone? Why don't you let the poor guy say whatever he wants?" Rick finishes, concluding our defense for Terry.
"Well, I never-!" The teacher stutters, looking around at the kids staring at him. "I-I see no reason to stand here and take this!" He rushes out of the class. Pussy. Morty stands out of his chair and we go next to Terry.
"You're putting too much pressure on yourself, Scary Terry." Rick rests his hand on Terry's shoulder, "You know, I mean, y-you're perfectly scary enough as it is." I grab some mysteriously convenient pants nearby and nudge Morty, handing them to him.
"Hey, yo, Scary T, don't even trip about your pants dawg. Here's a pair on us, fool." Morty hands him the pants as I side-eye as he speaks. Why is he talking like that?
"Aww, bitch. I don't even know what to say." Terry accepts the pants and starts putting them on.
"You don't need to say anything. We got you, dawg." Morty poses as he speaks and I try to hold in laughter.
"You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip" Rick puts his arm around Morty and they hug Terry. Rick too? This is so dumb. The thought makes me burst out in laughter as the dream ends. Morty punches me as we wait for Terry to wake up.
"Cool it, he is our only chance of getting out of here remember?"
"Yeah, yeah," I chirp, "just give me a second." I try to calm my smile as Terry's eyes start to open, I guess my smile meshed in with Rick and Morty as he smiles back. He sits up in bed and faces us.
"Oh, hey, it's you guys!" Terry goes on to thank us for what we've done and invites us to stay for breakfast, what a change of heart.
We sat around Terry's table after he gave each of us coffee, bleh. Melissa (his wife) approaches the table as we sit near him.
"I haven't seen him this relaxed in years." She comments.
"If you guys ever need anything, just say the word," Terry adds, resting his sword-fingered hand on Rick's shoulder.
"As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with," Rick responds. Thank god we're finally getting out of the dream paradox hellhole, cannot wait.
. . .
We all sit on Terry's back (uncomfortably) as he goes through each dream, killing the dreamer. We finally reach the original dream and Terry turns into a missile, launching himself at Mr. Goldenfold. This day just keeps getting better I guess.
"This is because you don't give Morty Smith good grades, bitch!" He screams, ramming into him and exploding. The dream ends and we all quickly hide behind the couch, Mr. Goldenfold bursts up in shock.
"Holy crap! Goddamn! I know one thing for sure, I'm giving Morty an 'A' in math! And that's my idea, that is an original thought!" He wanders away from the couch as we all do a trio fist bump. All of this and I could have just allowed Morty to copy off of me. Entering back into the ship we start to fly home.
"That was a day, I can't wait to lay down and go into my 'own' dream" I sigh.
"Yeah, and now I can relax with my easy A- wait, what the hell?" Morty points outside. A squad of dogs in mechanical suits brings boxes in and out of our house, two of them watching guard. Wow, let me guess. Dad probably caused this.
"Out of the frying pan, dot, dot, dot, huh kids?" Rick says plainly. He probably predicted this the second he made that dog intelligent.
"Oh man, what's going on?" Morty questions.
"I'm assuming no one paid attention to Snuffles as he slowly became self-aware," I comment.
"Always seventy-five percent correct as usual (Y/N). Your dog possibly made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but honestly, your guess is as good as mine." Rick shrugs humbly.
"Let's go save our family then." Our conversation ends as Rick silently lands somewhere nearby. We rush to sit in the bushes behind our house. "Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer," Rick whispers as we emerge from the bush, he pulls out a device to remove their chains. Wow, the dogs tied them to an inhumanely short leash tethered to the ground in bad temperature. Wonder where I've seen that before. Summer rushes over to us.
"Oh, thank God, Morty and (Y/N)" She hugs us, very, very tightly and I'm just going to say it now that she literally pushed our faces near her boobs and now I want to die. Morty seemed to get the same impression as he awkwardly pushed her off of us.
"Oh, you're welcome!" He grimaces as Rick comes back over.
"All right, let's get out of here. If we hurry-" Rick takes a swig of his flask, "we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere." Dad protests, "This is my house. I'm not abandoning it."
"It's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?"
"Wait a minute. I have an idea." Dad responds. Of course, he is the only person who gets an idea from the word 'piss'. If you don't know what I'm getting at, Dad's plan is to piss on their stuff. Like a dog- well, an unintelligent dog. And which- he does, then he pulls down his fucking pants and squats. I kind of root for Snuffles here as he shoves his face into his piss. Karma I would say. But who really won in this as I also saw my Dad's bare ass.
"Ooh, great plan, Jerry." Rick groans.
"Bring those two to me." Snuffles points at Morty and me as two robo dogs pull us towards him. As he sits in a lounge chair. Please don't make us the first sacrifice, please don't make us the first- "You both were always kind to me." Oh. "That's why I will leave you, Morty, with your testicles and (Y/N), with your uterus." Ew, but yay? I have no clue what's going on. "From now on, you two will be my best friends and live by my side."
"Th-thanks, Snuffles." We both stutter before sharing a knowing glance and walking to our assigned 'doggy' beds. Morty and I each sit on one side of him. Both of his robo arms reach down and pet both of us.
"Begin phase two." He orders the guard dogs, dog guards? Whatever, the world is being dominated by dogs, I had a dream about this before and it did not end well.
. . .
So, it has been months since that happened. Morty and I both now live in this luxurious building owned by Snuffles-Snowball, as he owns the world now. Morty surrounds himself with women and I sit in silence with immense guilt. Yeah, the human race a lot of times treats dogs unfairly but not all of them, and it just feels unfair to also imprison the humans who never even interacted with dogs. Luxury is kind of nice though, if only it didn't cost at humanity's expense. But, our family is also victims in this. We need to leave, it's not fair. I rush into Morty's room, I make an audible noise of disgust as he sits up in the bed shirtless, the two girls in his bed also sitting up.
"(Y-(Y/N)? What are you doing in here?! Can't you see I'm busy here?" Morty complains, I walk over to stand in front of his bed.
"Morty, we need to leave here. We can't just sit up here as royalty while everyone else is forced into slavery! Think about our family!" I fume, and he waves me off.
"Come on, our lives are so much easier now. And we can do whatever we want. Be selfish for once, not like we can do anything about it anyway." Morty dismisses. Fido, our sort of butler dog, brings a tray of drinks. "Thank you, Fido." I turn to face the dog as it gets knocked over.
"Rick!" Morty and I exclaim, one of us more enthusiastic than the other.
"I thought you were dead!" Morty continues.
"No, no, no, I was just playing dead." Rick drops his bat. "Good news though, kids. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon."
"Yes!" I cheer.
"What? What do you mean?" Morty stares at Rick as he explains.
"It's a dream, kids. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the three of us inside Snuffles' dream." And of course, coincidentally, an object we used earlier is now the thing we used to solve the secondary problem going on.
"But it's been like a whole year!" Morty chokes, I cringe at the women still touching him while they talk.
"It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like 'Inception', Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie."
"Aw, man." Morty sulks, "I really liked this life."
"I didn't!" I chimed in.
"Well, at least I didn't really didn't crap my pants."
"No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty." Rick starts, and the women promptly start to leave him. "You're sleeping in your crap right now, that was the only real thing that-, you know, is, that you crapped your pants. I mean it's a mess, Morty." I start to audibly laugh at Morty, holy shit Morty how does that even happen. "I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth." Eugh, gross, still funny, but gross.
"Aw, man, geez! Seriously?" Morty exhales.
"Yeah and some even got on your sister's leg, nasty."
"What?!" I yell as I feel the smile drain from my face, Rick cuts me off.
"Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty." Rick sits on the bed and ignores my panicking. "Here, here, take these, Morty. Take these." Rick hands Morty a series of pills and Morty takes them. "You two (Y/N)." Rick grabs more for me to take. I hold them in my hand but don't take them. Morty fucking got shit on me.
"Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something?" Morty asks.
"Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down." Oh well, sucks to be him I guess.
"What?!" Morty shouts, and Rick holds him before turning to me, "Same with you, y-you both gotta take it."
"Uh, no. I'm not taking some kidney failure medicine. Morty's the one who shit everywhere, so he has to pay for that." I protest.
"Fair enough, Morty, don't worry. It's necessary for the plan, don't even trip dawg."
. . .
Rick(in a robo dog disguise), Snowball, and I stand around pale unconscious Morty on a medical table. I know this is technically fake and stuff but it's still unnerving to see Morty dying like that.
"It's pretty bad, emperor Snowball. We're gonna need to do another operation." Rick diagnoses.
"Anything," Snowball puts his robo arm on Morty, "anything for my precious Morty." An Accountant Dog enters the room.
"Sir, as your accountant, I must advise you that these medical expenses are putting you in serious financial jeopardy. You could lose your kingdom." One of the other workers walks up to Snowball.
"To hell with my kingdom Bean Counter!" Snowball pushes all of the papers out of the dog's arms, he holds Morty with his. "I would trade it all for my human's health, and happiness."
"Do you think they would have done this for us?" The dog asks.
"We are not them!" Snowball pauses, I can almost see the mental resolve as he whispers. "We are not them."
. . .
The whole family stands outside of the animal shelter, dogs walk in a line into a portal as Snowball stands in front of us. The shit thing has been resolved if you were curious. That’s all I'm gonna say.
"Taking over the human's world will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty. Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs, one that will not make the same mistakes as humanity and one where pet insurance will be mandatory."
"We're going to miss you, Snowball." I smile.
"You can call me Snuffles, (Y/N). And I'm going to miss both of you two, very much." He walks up to us and we embrace him, Snuffles licks both of our heads before leaving through the portal. I ignore Dad's crying as Morty and I break off to stand with Rick.
"Wow, who knew dreams had such an impact. And to think if that never happened we would be living in that world right now." I whistle.
"Yeah, but a whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like." Morty speculates.
"I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven." Rick rambles.
"You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick."
"Is it though?" I remark.
"What do you know, Morty?" Rick sighs and shakes his head, "What do you know?"
"This is great and all, but can we go home now? I'm hungry." I announce. Everyone seems to hum in agreement as we go home and eat dinner at the table.
"So that happened." Mom starts, cutting into her food. "Anything anyone wants to say?"
"That we should never get a dog, or any type of pet in that matter, especially one with advanced intelligence." I begin.
"Well yeah, but at least I got to see Dad cry like a baby" Summer snickers.
"Hey! It was a very emotional moment, excuse you!" Dad pouts, sinking down slightly in his chair.
"That was pretty funny to see." I chuckle.
"L-like you didn't cry your eyes out once we got inside." Morty points out. I feel my face flush as everyone turns to me.
"Pfft- Naah, I didn't-crying? Me? Never." I hastily shove more food in my mouth so I would shut up.
"Come on Morty. We all know you were the one to cry the most, t-that's why your shower took four minutes longer than usual today." Rick keeps his focus on his food as he talks. I grin at Morty, mainly because of how Rick covered for me.
"Huh?! Are you timing the time it takes for me to shower?" Morty rises defensively.
"I don't know, Morty. Maybe I'm not, maybe I am. No need to pass the blame around, geez." Rick gets up from the table. "I'm heading to the garage, see ya." Morty springs up from his chair.
"What?! Rick! You can't just drop a bomb like that and-" Morty's voice drowns out as he follows Rick to the garage. The rest of us at the table slightly shrug and continue eating. Just a regular day with the Smith family.
