Evaluation
Experimental Film is something that never in a million years I thought I’d enjoy working on. Having learnt the process of filmmaking in the most traditional ways for the past five years, it was somewhat difficult for a good while to grasp the fact that this was a unit in which I could freely express myself in different aspects of filmmaking. Being a person who prefers being given a clear set of guidelines when working on something, it was very hard for me to accept the fact that in reality, there is no right or wrong when it comes to experimental filmmaking, however after deciding on my final experimental idea, I ended up truly enjoying working on the project, and I am really happy with the outcome of the film.
When thinking about the final experimental film, I have to say that I thought quite deeply in terms of what I was trying to portray and what was the meaning behind everything I decided to do. The idea for my experimental film emerged mostly from researching inspirational photographs and existing short films, however when I started thinking on why I chose to work on that particular idea, I realised I was portraying a self expression and that most of all, I was doing the film for myself personally rather than for an audience. I am a very sensitive person and I personally tend to over-think things and stress myself to the limit were my brain stops working, mostly because I know I’m capable of doing something yet I’m always thinking that I might be doing something wrong and that eventually, that something will fail me. I started suffering from low self esteem during my teenage years, which also led me to hating being on my own. Being alone initiates a lot of thoughts in my head, thoughts that eventually signify my emotional state. When I was thinking about the final project and started developing my idea, I was quite unsure on what the meaning behind it was, until I decided to sit down and think. I realised that the concept I developed within itself was about my own self and my character.
Keeping in mind the words of Hans Richter in Free Radicals that “everything is permitted, that you could go anywhere, you should not hold back, your whole unconcious, your whole belief should splatter out and should come out”, I realised I wasn’t doing so bad when I decided to do a self expression experimental film. My idea was to represent myself by a girl sitting on the floor in the middle of a room, all alone. The room would be empty, however it’s not a normal room, it’s a room part of many other rooms leading to each other. The doors all broken, the windows open, and everything in the surroundings is shattered. The girl would have a chair behind her, yet she’s sitting on the floor, smoking a cigarette and listening to music as she rests her head on the chair, thinking about life. Wind can be heard coming through the doors and windows, which symbolises a certain force and energy. As the girl smokes a cigarette and thinks deeply on her thoughts, which I have decided to represent by editing a mix of colours, we hear weird and eerie sounds, which hint that she should no be in that state of mind and that it’s a very ugly place to be in. We also hear a voice in the background mumbling words, coming from a distance and panning from one side to the other, which signifies all her thoughts. The girl is a representation of how I feel whenever I have to face obstacles, changes and certain challenges in my life. Shots of the girl facing upside down signify how confused she feels and the struggles that she faces, and other shots of her facing sideways looking at colours with despair signify her desperation to shut away those thoughts, get out of that place in her head and believe in herself. The film’s ending in rewind of all the footage, which will eventually take you back to the start is associated with people’s thoughts on rewinding their lives to do something differently that they’d done in the past. In this case, the rewind signifies going back to the start and taking life’s obstacles as a challenge rather than letting the stress mentally break you down.
Looking at the final project, I realise that with this experimental film, I have come to terms with something which is very personal. Even though some technical aspects were taken in consideration, I realised I could freely express my inner thoughts on such a project, which in all fairness is something I should do in all productions I work on, not just this one. I never really realised that I could think so deeply about a concept as I’m not usually that kind of person. As of just a couple of weeks ago, I used to prefer focusing on the technical aspects more than the concept itself, but that has now changed. Experimental film has made me aware that it’s okay to be different, because after all it’s art that we are creating. Artists should always be allowed to freely express themselves, and after all everyone is different, everyone thinks differently and not everyone has the same beliefs. Something else I’d like to add is that I came to terms with the fact that film is not just what we are normally taught. Before this unit, I was absolutely unaware of experimental films, which is probably why I found it so hard to grasp the idea of it all during the course of the last couple weeks. Having to understand the no rules rule was odd for quite some time. In fact, I had a totally different perception of what experimental film was before lectures were started and research commenced. I used to think that what makes an experimental film was just either an abstract of footage or unusual editing techniques. Considering that this project was such a personal piece of work, my main aim was not for the audience to understand the meaning behind the film, but to have this experimental film to watch whenever I’m facing any kind of troubles or obstacles in my life. By this experimental film, I could remind myself that I should not be that kind of person and that I should face my fears rather than stress on my thoughts and think negatively. I look forward to the day I can say, ‘I can do this’, without having to think otherwise, because no person deserves to live such a life. I look forward for future projects, whilst keeping in mind all the knowledge I learned about experimental film in general, which without a doubt will help me throughout the course of my career. I am also very happy with the final result as it turned out to be even better than the original concept I had in mind. The sound effects also really made the film what it is, and feedback gathered about the film was very positive, even though as expected, people did not fully understand what I was trying to remark with the film.