Tony: Hey everyone! Look at this amazing and awesome boy *holds (very much confused) 15 year old Peter in his arms*
Everyone:
Tony, beaming: I made a new suit for him, do you like it?
Avengers: ...
Tony: it matches his eyes
Peter, whispering: my eyes are not red
Pepper: Tony? The fuck? Where did you get this child?! Where are his parents?
Tony: Here. I mean I’m here, so that’s one. But we can all co-parent like this one small village in China, where they basically-
Peter: actually, I have an au-
Pepper: Tony, we don’t have any kids.
Tony: too late to get out of parent duties. Now, Petey, bambino, say hi to your new mom.


















