She Remembered.

Inside a girl's head.

[she-remembered]

I have memorized every corner of this place like a friend. I used to come in before 8 every day, and the only noise that filled the air was the sound of my footsteps against the wooden flooring. It was as if this place was greeting me good morning, and I smile in response. I knew every bit of this place, and this place knew I was occupying a space in it. I was moving around, running even, and the place was singing along with every thump.

During the past 429 days, I know which window captures the best view of the sun and I know which room is most silent at 11:41. My heart was glad that I can call this place my home. I was welcome here - every inch of it I felt like I belong. I was a part of it. 

But like a whirlwind, you came uninvited and ruined everything.

The chair you sit on used to see us cry as we pour out the troubles that weighed us down. Now it became burdensome to look at. These walls, where we used to lean on for support while conversing over a cup of coffee, now served as a divider so we can somehow move around without you watching us. The earphones that I barely use, now became my excuse so I don’t have to listen to your empty talk. Your stories are dead - it doesn’t move people who hear them. Your words are sharp, it turns hopes into shattered promises. The place that used to build our spirits up became an isolated room, dull and lifeless. Your presence fills hearts with fear - nobody wants to stay. I guess you like it that way, where people feel bad about themselves, while you suck out the life in us.

This place that I used to consider a friend, instantly became a stranger, a foe even. I lost a home. I'm no longer relevant to the things that make this place breathe, for no matter what I do, it has died the moment you arrived.

As I hear your voice thundering from a distance, I’m dreaming of a place 200 miles away, far from you and everything about you. All I want to do now is to run, find escape and never come back.

But if I leave, I wonder what will happen to everyone who remained.

-  She  |  It Was Calmer Then

[she-remembered]

Don't ask me to sing the same song I don't want to hum it anymore I'm changing the records A new pace, a new rhythm No longer about fear But peace and hope

The lonely playlist on loop I'm surrendering control I will only dance to the music To the words He has written The one He has composed

The melody No longer mine, but his. I am restored From broken to whole All the mess Turned out to be a message That in midst of the chaos Always, I’ll rise unshakable

— She | On Repeat No More

[she-remembered]

You got broken     So you broke me. You shed tears     So you taught me fear.

Are you hurting?     Because I'm hurting too.

You want to forget     So you forgot about me. You seem okay     But I'm not good at this.

Have you found yourself?     Because I'm looking for me, still.

—  She  |  Me, too.

[she-remembered]

A whooshing sound     A gush of wind A hundred faces     In split seconds People rushing     She stood still Every day at eight     An hour to wait Alone she came     Alone she went.

— She  |  Trains

[she-remembered]

They both jumped into the water. He sank and went deeper, but the girl surfaced; the tides brought her ashore. She never found the boy again, but she danced to the waves everyday - they were in the same ocean, and somehow that was enough.

—  She  |  Dancing in the waves

[she-remembered]

He looked at love as a prize;      The ultimate destination. She saw love as a gift;      The fuel for the journey. He met her on the finish line        She met him at the starting point. The same place, the same time        One stayed, the other went on.

—  She  |  Race

[she-remembered]

What do you think of       When the whole world is moving on its own pace       And you’re just standing still? Where does your mind lead you       When you wake up in the morning       When you’re not forced to think?

Who are you when no one’s watching?

— She  |  When Alone

[she-remembered]

Eleven in the evening her anxiousness kicked.       She thought this through.       Yes, this time she’d speak. Finally, her voice uttered a sound.       She took a chance.       She confessed out aloud.

His face fell upon hearing what she told.       “You shan’t tell anyone.       They mustn’t unfold.” Unbelieving, he threw questions as if it was a test.       The shame and disgrace       Oh his eyes were upset.

She seek rescue from the man       She thought would tell her, “Forgive the world. Be brave.       Hope again, my daughter” But her heart got crushed         She cried for truth and restoration. Instead there was humiliation,       Denial and rejection.

She carried this burden until she got older and wise.       She built walls so high       No one would dare climb. The story behind her whys and hows       A confusing riddle to many       Even she was a puzzle to herself

— She  |  Believe me, please

[she-remembered]

Don’t try too hard to keep your secrets to yourself.      Just let me in and expose the mystery of you. Together we’ll keep it safe.     Show me the wonders of your thoughts. Bring me to the world you call home.     Introduce me to all things you love. I’ll remember them all.

— She  |  Call Me Home

[she-remembered]

I shut my eyes out of fear      Vivid pictures invade the mind From this great helplessness     There is nowhere I can hide Who is it that I can’t forgive?     The afterimage that haunts me Or myself who let it     Be the definition of who I am currently?

— She  |  Hide Me

[she-remembered]

When I looked for answers,        They told me time heals all wounds It has been a decade now,        So isn’t this long overdue? From there I thought        My life meant no real function Everyday I wake up        Feeling sorry I get to go on

These memories        Archaic yet still unsettling Nobody remembers        The past I’m constantly reliving I swim in a sea of thoughts        Where my anguish pulls me Down, down, down,        I went deeper, I lost perspective

— She  |  Nobody Remembers

[she-remembered]

Like a flower facing the sky       For a glimpse of the sun I searched for comfort from the world       However found none I followed the shadow       Cast by the elusive light Cried the night       When total darkness has arrived.

Every night, for years,       I asked for one simple thing Nobody heard me       While I was sobbing I touched the part       Where the cut had left the scar Until now I endure       The hurt of my crying heart.

— She  |  Wilting

[she-remembered]

Five in the morning I woke up, empty        Mind, a blank space Body, unsteady       I ran fast - an attempt to catch you But I arrived on the time       Of your departure One minute too late, I stared at your going       My last memory You       Leaving

— She  |  Nightmare

[she-remembered]

Within people are infinities,        Unimaginable flood of experiences -        Pain, joy, loss, lessons and possibilities        Swimming in one tiny body One heart - a size of a fist        It holds a million thoughts        A million memories More than the cells that makes up a human        I see life        Temporal yet eternal.

—  She . |  Infinities

[she-remembered]

With doubts growing on me       Am I capable to love? Still, the past haunts me       Those memories keep coming back So from you, I ran away       And alone, I felt free Now I think of you       Of I and of what was You and I       We were, a “were ” Because I wasn’t certain       Of I.

— She  |  The Haunting

[she-remembered]

When I look at people,       I see more than       Their faces. When I touch,        I feel more than        The skin. When I listen,        I hear more than        The words. Beyond the empty gaze,        The smiles,        The movements. I look at their eyes        and there I see oceans. I hold their hands        A touch of flame. I listen to their voices        A shout of triumph.

—  She | Triumph

[she-remembered]

I’ll be avoiding your love        Until I’m ready for love. When I’m brave enough       To show you the scars, Embrace the flaws       And all the broken parts.

— She | Avoidance