Things My Wife Said

Random stuff my wife says that I can't post on facebook, because we know people there.

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You don't take a knife into the play area.

-The wife, talking to our daughter.

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I had the most terrible dream last night. I'm not drinking beer again.

The wife, after having half a beer last night.

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The Wife: "Is this a trick question?" Me: "No" The Wife: "What are you asking me then?"

The Wife, after I asked her to explain someone's tweet

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It's suspicious when you agree with me so quickly.

The Wife, when I agreed with her.

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"You read Farsi?"

The Wife trying to interpret my daughter saying "I'm very thirsty"

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Portlanders seem so chill, go buy pot, don't do violence.

The Wife, reacting to some violence in the local news.

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Some things, like being a vegetarian, don't stop how much you want bacon.

The wife

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I'm going to be a construction worker and build things in the sky, or a super hero.

My three year old daughter when asked what she'll be when she grows up.

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The only good reason to become a Detroit Lion is so you know you'll be on tv for thanksgiving.

The Wife, assessing a player's transfer to the lions

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I was skeptical, but this is tasty!

The wife, eating a cupcake

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I don't like that one, one more please.

My 2 year old daughter after watching a whole episode of her favorite tv show

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Women are tall in this state, haven't you noticed?

The wife, who's 5'1" on a good day

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That was it! I did a magic show.

The wife, explaining some part of a dream where she was getting an eye test at the Mexican dmv to move and had to kill time.

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The only thing I use hulu for is the Daily Show and Daniel Tiger.

The Wife

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I used to get a strange satisfaction at Starbucks selling pastries to really thin women.

The Wife

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Eat my finger

My two year old, when I asked her if she made cake for her brother.

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Why does our neighbor only have 2 bags of trash, usually he has 14.

The Wife, keeping an eye on our neighbors