It’s taken ages to get this all down. Three months to be exact. But here it is. Our birth story.
Reuben’s entry into the world began on Tuesday 5th July at 12:30am. I was tired earlier on in the evening but was awake once we’d gone to bed. Kar fell to sleep pretty quick but I was finishing off reading The Killing Floor, Lee Child’s first Reacher book. So I was still awake when I felt my first proper contraction, which was followed by a trickling feeling and my waters breaking. I went to the loo and woke Karen up feeling super excited! “What? Are you sure?!” She asked. I explained what I’d felt and further excitement commenced.
Karen advised that I phone Penrice birthing centre, just to let them know that it had happened and that I might be with them at some point soon! The midwife on the phone was lovely and asked a few questions to check that I was ok and that the baby was ok. “Are you or waters clear?” “Are you in pain?” “Are you contracting?” Etc. I said I was fine - which I was! I told her that I had an appointment with my midwife at 9am for a stretch and sweep - she said to go to that appointment and that she’d leave a message for Gill letting her know that my waters had broken. She said to get some sleep and to call if we had any worries, problems or concerns.
We waited for the majority of the flow to stop, I put on a maternity pad, Kar put down a towel. And we cuddled up and tried to get some sleep. We wished the bump a happy birthday and asked each other excitedly “are you ready to have a baby today?” not knowing that Tuesday 5th July wasn’t to be our baby’s birthday.
We managed a few hours kip and then had to wake Toby up at 7 to get him ready for school. We went into his room and Kar jumped into bed with him “help there’s a bear in our room!” she said - he laughed and gradually woke up. We told him that the baby was on its way so he’d have to go to dad’s for a few days. “Yeah, cool, that’s fine” he said. Taking it all in his stride in a way that only Toby Tamblyn can.
I showered, he showered. Karen pottered around getting bits together and we drove him over to Craig’s. Big hugs and kisses were exchanged and then we drove to the surgery for our appointment with Gill.
She was running a few minutes late - as always - so we sat in excited anticipation. She came to collect us and took us to her room. She did the normal checks on me and asked how I was doing. She then explained about how we needed to be in established labour by midnight if we wanted to have the baby at Penrice. At least 2/3 contractions every 10 minutes. Challenge accepted! I was having around 2 an hour at this point, they weren’t very strong, but we had 15 hours to get things going so of course we’d be fine! She called Treliske and booked us in for an induction at 1am, just in case we weren’t established enough to go to Penrice.
We went home and go straight on with encouraging labour along. Kar got into nesting mode and cleaned and tidied and put the bags in the car. She made me some raspberry leaf tea and sat me on my exercise ball, encouraging me to stimulate my nipples. This all seemed to work! My contractions were coming faster so we started recording the times.
Karen messaged our parents and our friends, letting them know that today might be the day! And gave them regular updates as my labour progressed.
As exciting as it was with every hour that my contractions became closer together, we then suffered the disheartenment that came when they got further apart again. Without nipple stimulation and bouncing vigorously on the ball they just didn’t seem to get anywhere.
We went to Kingsley village for a wander around the shops and ate a sandwich in the cafe. After this we spent most of the day chilling, writing down times, bouncing on balls, watching escape to the country and Bridget Jones’ Diary.
This day felt so special. Our last day at home, just the two of us. Karen treating me with a care that she never had before. Such sympathy and love. Breathing through each contraction with me. Encouraging me. Rubbing my back. Massaging my feet. She was excited. And I was too. She felt strong. So I did too. It was a perfect way to say goodbye to this chapter of our life and was the perfect way to start our next one.
By the evening we were starting to worry. We had one last walk around the village at 9 o'clock and then called the birthing centre and explained our situation. Gill advised us to tell them how much we wanted to go there so we thought it would be worth a shot. Unfortunately we were met with a midwife saying that we just weren’t where we needed to be and that an induction would need to happen to ensure that the baby would be delivered safely. She said to go to bed, try to sleep and to head to Treliske at 12:30. Gutted. We did as we were told and headed up to bed. I was still having the occasional contraction but my body almost seemed to give up on a natural labour so stopped, which let me sleep for a bit.
At midnight we were woken by an alarm. Grouchy from having too long a nap but too few hours for it to be considered a proper sleep. Disappointed that we had to drive to Truro. Upset that we weren’t feeling more excited. And worried about the unknown. Karen was especially morose. This was hard to deal with.
There was a part of me that was just happy to be heading into our next part of the journey. Even if it wasn’t the path we wanted to, our were prepared for at all to take. We locked up our dark house and drove down our empty and quiet street. Knowing that we wouldn’t return now until our baby was born.
The drive was long and quiet. The rest of the world was sleeping, while we were nervously approaching the next stage in our birth story. We chatted, I don’t really remember about what. We had music on, but I don’t remember what songs. As we came through Truro Kar said “we haven’t driven past a single car going through the city”. I guess Tuesday nights are quiet ones for the folk of Truro.
Karen dropped me outside the maternity unit, Wheal Rose, and she went and parked up. I waited outside and then we buzzed in through the doors and found the induction ward. A midwife greeted us and showed us to a ward with 4 beds. It was empty. She introduced herself but I don’t remember her name. She was young and had fuzzy hair tied up.
She explained the induction process and said that Karen would have to go after the initial one hour obs. We both got upset about this and asked if she could stay as the ward was empty and it would mean her leaving at 3am. She was very understanding and said she’d asked the head midwife. Apparently they get this a lot, where the community midwives don’t prepare couples for the reality of induction/ birth in a rather than birth in a birthing centre. I do feel like this was the case. I read up on what induction was and the medical processes but I never thought to ask about how it would actually work and we never had it explained to us either. But hey ho, we were here and we were going to have to get on with it.
They hooked me up to some monitors, one for the baby’s heart rate and one for contractions. They recorded the normal obs for me. And she then did an internal examination and inserted a pessory. I was 3cm dilated - awesome! - but my cervix wasn’t yet effaced, so the pessory was needed as it contained a drug which would help to soften and prepare my cervix for birth. I was glad that my contractions had been doing something. But felt daunted at the idea of having to wait 24 hours for the actual induction drug to be administered. If I went into stronger labour naturally within the 24 hours then we would be sent up to delivery, but like with all things this cannot be guaranteed and we’d have to just wait and see.
The initial hour showed no real movements with regards to contractions. I was experiencing maybe 3 or 4 an hour but they weren’t very strong. The midwife came back and checked the readings from the monitor and saw that everything was fine. Happy baby. Not yet in established labour me. She said that Karen could stay - what a relief! So she advised that we settle down and try to get some sleep.
We curled up in the tiny hospital bed and dozed. Neither of us slept for any longer than 20 minutes at a time as my contractions would wake us up. At one point they got so strong that I had to get up and out of bed. I leant against the window sill and Karen gave my lower back a deep and strong rub. The contractions were intense and getting closer together. Two in ten minutes, then two in six. Kar pressed the buzzer and a midwife came in. She offered me some paracetamol and hooked me up to the monitors again. They started easing off… Back to ¾ an hour.
I don’t know what my body was doing but it wasn’t doing what it was supposed to. This isn’t how it was for Karen. Or what I’ve read. Or seen on One Born. It was really disheartening. We’d get excited every time they picked up and then feel deflated whenever they’d drop back off. So back off the monitors and back into bed. We slept as best we could. And at least we had each other.
Wednesday 6th July. We woke up properly at around 7. The midwives were making noises in the beds next to us. Prepping everything for the women who were booked in for inductions, the women who were two weeks over due. At least we weren’t them I thought.
My contractions were getting slightly harder to take so a midwife advised that I go have a bath. Kar sat in the bathroom with me. Contracting in water didn’t feel any nicer than on land; maybe I’m glad I didn’t have a water birth! I didn’t stay in there for long. Just long enough to chill for a bit and freshen up. I got into my jammies and headed back to our bed.
A lady came round and asked us what meals we wanted and sent us off to get brekkie. I wasn’t hungry so we just had a cuppa and sat in the Day Room for a bit of a change of scenery. Back on the ward Karen got upset. “I just want to go home” she said. I cried. I mistook her words and thought she meant that she wanted to leave me. “I want us both to be at home” she corrected. So we had some tears and some cuddles. And I tried to be positive. We’ll go home once the baby is here and this will feel like a tiny part of the journey once we’re back at home. It was just so hard not knowing how long it was going to take and we both felt disappointed that labour hadn’t gone to plan and that we weren’t at the birthing centre like we had wanted, hoped and planned for.
The ward started filling up with couples who were booked in for inductions. There was a happy buzz about the place, with women who were over due and just relieved to be in hospital, knowing that their baby would be here soon. I still felt like it wasn’t happening and couldn’t get it into my head that the baby was coming. Ater the excitement of my waters breaking and then the heart break of knowing that we weren’t going to Penrice to have the baby I didn’t want to get my hopes up again.
It was a lovely day so we went out for a walk. We put a 5 day pass on Karen’s car and wandered up to the main part of the hospital and went to Smiths to get some entertainment and snacks. We had a wander around to try to encourage my contractions along. They were gradually getting stronger, but I was still coping just fine at this point. I’d have to stop walking and lean on the nearest lamp post/ bench/ Karen when one was coming, but they weren’t too hard to deal with at all. On the way back to the maternity ward a random passer by stopped and said “you look so beautiful” - this made us both cry! What a wonderful and sweet thing to say to a woman who is obviously on the cusp of becoming a mother. This random act of kindness filled us with some new hope and positivity. We felt ready for anything.
We got back to the ward had some food and dented twined ourselves with Malthus magazine es and crossword puzzles.
We got back to the ward and ate some lunch. We saw women come in and then go up to delivery. It was a hard day. To distract ourselves we read celebrity gossip magazines and completed some crossword puzzles. We were both knackered so we tried to sleep when we could too. At some point during the afternoon I went to the loo and realised that my pessory was no longer there! Eeeek it must have come out! I went and told Kar who gave a nervous laugh and told me to tell the midwife. She said this doesn’t happen very often so she’ll have to put another one in. I went back to bed and waited for her to come round. She popped another in and examined me, in doing so she released some more waters along with my plug. I hadn’t dilated any more but my cervix was beginning to thin as it should. Few! We asked if we’d have to wait another 24 hours for the new pessory to do its thing - luckily she said no! Karen was so relieved, she was finding the waiting so hard.
A little while later I went to the loo and literally felt my pessory come out! Why is this happening to me?! Off I went to tell the midwife the news AGAIN - “are you kidding?” She asked laughing! Unfortunately not. She called a doctor upstairs to ask if I was allowed to have another put in, but was told no, as this would mean that too much of the drug had been in my system. So she said really all we could do now is wait. She said if nothing happened by tonight then Kar would have to go! This broke our spirits again. Is there nothing we can do? I could be called up to delivery at any time through the night and Kar would be 40 minutes away, neither of us wanted that. The midwife said she’d see if she could find a private room for us. She came back a little while later with the great news that there was one available. She said we should get some rest and sleep as much as possible. There was no guarantee when delivery might be free for us so we would just have to be patient. We were so happy that Karen could stay and that we had somewhere private to go we really didn’t mind that we might not be called up until tomorrow morning. So we had some dinner, took another walk around and then tried to settle down.
At about 9pm we had a knock on the door. In came two midwives that we hadn’t seen before, “we’re ready for you” they said - music to our ears! Apparently they came looking for us a little while before - must have been while we were out! It felt surreal, this was it. I was surprisingly cool and calm at this point. Let’s do this!
We picked up our bags. Kar went into super organised mode again, preparing for what was to come. We walked round to the lift and went up a floor to the delivery suite. You’re in room 4 on the left they said. The two midwives followed us in. “I’m Julie” one said “I’ve just started shift so I’ll be with you from now on”. The other midwife was just finishing so she left us in peace. I introduced us properly to Julie, we chatted about how everything was going and then she explained about the induction process. She left us to settle for a minute and took some stats. A lady came in to fit the cannula in my hand, “this is where the saline drip and induction meds will be going in” she explained. They got me hooked up to everything and put monitors on my tummy, one to measure BBR’s hear rate and the other to sense when the contractions were coming.
Julie explained that the process could be slow, we need 4 hours of good contractions, ¾ every 10 minutes. I would be on a small dose to start and then the drug would be increased over time. Starting on 3mg, and a possible max of 30.
She said we could chill for a while while she took some notes and did an hour of obs with me on the 3mg drip. The sun was beginning to set, we had the window open because it was muggy. The room was small, especially with the induction drug machine and the equipment that was recording the baby’s heart beat. Julie had a little desk in the corner with a lamp near the door, so she kept out of our way. She said we could put the TV or radio on and that I could be up and about or sitting down, whatever I wanted. We put on the football, Wales were playing Portugal, which ended up being the end of their amazing and unexpected run in the euros. After that we just listened to music.
Karen looked nervous but excited. It was all so Unknown to her I guess, being at a birth but in the role of the support. She was phenomenal. Exactly what I needed. She rubbed my back, held my hands. Breathed, bounced, supported and encouraged me as the contractions got stronger and the level of drugs were increasing. She was watching the monitors like a hawk, checking that the baby was ok. She made sure I kept drinking, would help me to the toilet (which was shared with the next room! The woman next door was not as happy with her birth partner as I was with mine!) it was magical sharing this experience with her. She was everything I needed and I think that Julie could see that. Because for the first few hours she left us to it. Just taking notes once an hour and topping the drugs up accordingly.
At midnight I said that our baby would be born on the 7th.
I don’t know at what point during the night things started getting tougher. Julie had upped my induction dose to 12mg and I was starting to feel lots of pain so she offered me gas and air. It felt weird and immediately made my head feel dizzy and spaced out. My voice went deep too like Karen warned!
By this point I wasn’t comfortable standing up or sitting on the ball. I tried to lean over the back of the bed, but if I was in any position where my bottom was down the pressure was just too much on my cervix and I found it so uncomfortable. The only way that I was kind of ok was lying on my side. So this is what I did! Karen stayed close, giving lots of encouragement and kisses.
Julie topped me up to 15mg and things were really getting intense. She said to let her know if I needed any more pain relief, even though in my notes it said I wasn’t planning on having any. She advised that as the induction process is artificial it makes it harder on our bodies to take, as it’s not creating the natural hormones needed to get you through the pain. In my dozy and pained state I asked what I could have. She gave me a dose of pethadine which basically makes you go to sleep. So at least I was getting rest in between contractions. By this point I don’t really remember now long I went for until I asked for an epidural. I remember Karen asking if I was sure and someone with my voice saying yes! The pain was just getting too hard for me to handle. Julie examined me and said I was 7cm dilated so doing well, but obviously couldn’t give an idea of how much longer it would take and I think that the unknown was what scared me. A doctor came and administered the epidural. I remember it hurting having the needle in my back and struggling to stay still for him during my contractions. I held Karen’s hand and tried to concentrate on the fact that the pain would be eased soon.
Once it was in I remember feeling relief with the pain subsiding and I was able to sit up and chill for a bit. I could still feel when the contractions were coming as my tummy would tighten but the pain wasn’t there. All of a sudden I felt like I needed a poo! “That’s probably an urge to push” Karen said. She called Julie back into the room who examined me again. Still at 7cm she said. So I’d have to resist the urge for now. She left the room again for a bit but the sensation kept getting stronger and stronger. “I need to push” I told Karen, off she went to find Julie again. She came in and looked at the monitors and said it was ok to start.
I was due for a top up of the epidural meds but because I was starting to push I couldn’t have any more. Had I known it would be over so soon I would have held off from the epidural, but hey ho. The drugs were still present enough so that I wasn’t in agony throughout the pushing, so I guess I am grateful of that. I felt the rise of a contraction and would bare down into it. I remember feeling like each one was taking all of my effort but like I wasn’t getting any where! Another midwife came in with the birth kit. Julie and Karen had one of my legs each and were yelling encouragement. I was using handles that has come up from the side of the bed as resistance to pull against. The other midwife took over from Karen who then was able to be close to me. You’re nearly there they were saying. We can see the head. I felt down to touch if - it was so strange to feel it there! One more push and the head will be out. With this in mind I found some extra strength and gave all I had with my next push. And then all of a sudden there was blood pulsating out of me… I had burst the cannula out of my hand! Julie got covered in blood. “Just keep pushing!” She yelled. I kept going with the push but was shocked by what had just happened and the scene that was happening at the foot of the bed. But at last the head was out! There were lots of “well dones” and “don’t worry about the bloods” and then I had to give one more push for the baby to be here. It happened quickly and I felt physically empty, but emotionally full. Julie told Karen to see what we had “we’ve got a boy!” She said - shocked as she was so certain it was a girl. “A big boy!” Said Julie. I remember saying that Toby will be happy and then him being brought up to my chest and under my tee. They rubbed him with a towel and he let out a little gargled cry. Karen kissed him and me. The world was now a different place.
He arrived at 4:31am on July 7th 2016, weighing 9lbs 11.5oz. The sun was just on its way up. It was so beautifully symbolic to be entering into parent hood as we entered into this new day. It gave us all the time we needed to adjust to this new life.
“So this is baby Leo?” asked Julie. It didn’t sound right. We pondered over our other choices. “Let’s go with Reuben” I said. “I like that” she said.
The next hour was a blur. We’d already asked to delay the cord clamping so they left him attached while they did his initial obs. He was perfect. After just over 10 minutes the cord had stopped pulsating. They gave me the shot that would help the placenta to come out and I remember feeling a little tug as it delivered. Karen cut his cord and I took my top off and we were wrapped in towels and blankets. And we stayed like that, skin to skin until after his first feed.
I’d been lactating colostrum for a few weeks before his birth and he knew how to latch perfectly, so luckily the feeding went great. After this Karen had some skin to skin cuddles with him. We kept him wrapped up and close at all times. He was all scrunched up and sniffly. He was perfect. The amazing midwives managed to clean me and themselves up while we were enjoying our first few hours of new mummy hood. I had tea and toast while Kar and the bub were having snuggles, it was as amazing as everyone said it would be.
Kar called our parents and told them the news. I felt so tired and out of it at this point that I don’t really remember the conversations. I know we didn’t tell anyone else until later on though. And that there were three happy grandparents awakened by an early call.
After this, Karen got him dressed while I went for a bath. Try to have a wee in there they advised. But I couldn’t seem to do one! Everything felt strange, but I miraculously managed not to tear, or poo! So I was quite impressed with that. Kar bought Reuben in to see me as he was getting a bit fussy. Just my voice and presence seemed to calm him, it was amazing. I shakily got out, dry and dressed and we took some photos of him. Mum text asking if she could come see him on her way to work. The hospital wasn’t any where near her work, but of course we said yes. She only popped in for 15 minutes. She cooed and cuddled him. Congratulated us. And left with tears in her eyes.
We waited to be moved onto the ward and in the mean time I went to the loo. Kar was laying on the bed with Roo when the midwife came in to get us. I overheard an awkward exchange with Kar trying to explain to the midwife who she was! She was an older Cornish battle axe, but once it was all clear she was cool. We got shown to our bed, it was cold next to a window. And there we stayed until breakfast. We asked when we would be able to go home. After 12 hours of obs on the baby they said. He was a little cold at first, so we wrapped him up and snuggled him in. Luckily we made friends with the dinner lady so she made sure Kar got fed too. It felt like another long day in hospital. But we loved every moment with our new born and enjoyed texting our friends with the happy news. We were home by tea time and enjoyed a ham and pineapple pizza from the shop. Then Georgi and Nanny came round for cuddles and love.
I don’t really remember his first night at home, but I remember worrying that his queues for milk might not wake me up. He never really cried as a new born, but I’d always hear him when he wanted me. His piggy snuffly snorts were the most adorable sound. He slept in his cot for a bit and on us for a bit. It was a perfect time.
It feels like so long ago now.
He has been a dream of a baby. Feeding well. Sleeping well. Happy and content. He seems to know who we are but is also fine when held by other people. He smiles and babbles at everyone. He loves baths and swimming and enjoys being naked. He gets excited in his bouncy chair and sometimes gets frustrated when the toys dangling from his play mat don’t fit in his mouth. He wants to chew everything! He prefers to be upright and he gets excited when you stand him on his legs. He is big and strong and doing so so well. I wouldn’t change him for the world.
I have so much more that I’d love to say. But for now I just wanted to get down our birth story, while I could still vaguely remember it!
Reubes is now 3 months old and today is one year since his conception! (1 year and 1 day by the time this has sent). I can’t quite believe that our dream came true, and it’s not not just a dream, but it’s him, our little Roo.
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