[ashstfu]

from a recent reflection

[shhshaya]

Wow i didn’t just cry about some couple having sex in a movie

[shhshaya]

it has been proven time and time again that im not meant to have any kind of relationships with people and i must throw away my desire to be unconditionally loved and understood.

[shhshaya]

whenever i think about how im constantly desired but never enough to be loved or valued, it makes me want to bury myself somewhere so deep inside the ground, that it would be impossible to find my body. it honestly makes my heart wrench when people cannot see me as an individual who they can build a genuine relationship with. almost as if i merely exist for people to desire and chase behind until they get bored and throw me away.

[shhshaya]

y’all its good that no one knows me here, maybe this will become my safe place where i can trauma dump and cry bout everything

[shhshaya]

Tumhe jaan kar Bhi na jaan paye

Tumse mil kar Bhi na mil paye

Tumhe paakar bhi na paaya kabhi

Tumhpe mar ke bhi na mare kabhi

Tumhare bina jiya na jii paye

Nah alvida keh paye na piche muud paye

Aakhir ye kaisa rishta hai jisme ek hokar bhi ek na hopaye

[wxlking-dexd]

There is no point in fucking anything anymore. No point in eating. No point in taking care of myself. No point in watching my favourite movies. No point in reading my favourite books. No point in spending time with my friends. There‘s absolutely no point to me being here. I don‘t wanna be here anymore.

[shhshaya]

and what should i do with all the love i can’t give?

[shhshaya]

If I don’t end up with them, I’m going to name my future child after them.

[shhshaya]

Gosh I need to stop this obsessive behaviour of mine, sick of it.

[shhshaya]

If I don’t end up with them, I’m going to name my future child after them.

[shhshaya]

"If anyone else were to kiss me, all they would taste is your name."

- Clementine von Radics

[shhshaya]

call me cringe or whatever but I’m a damn aashiq.

[shhshaya]

𝙁𝙖𝙙𝙖𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙢 𝙚𝙨𝙝𝙜𝙝𝙖𝙢.

“I am willing to sacrifice myself for you, my love” in Farsi.

[shhshaya]

"𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐡𝐢 𝐬𝐚𝐡𝐢 𝐝𝐢𝐥 𝐡𝐢 𝐝𝐮𝐤𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐤𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐚, 𝐚𝐚 𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐫 𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐣𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐤𝐞 𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐤𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐚"

- Ahmad Faraz

[shhshaya]

Your memories, they’re the only piece of you I get to keep with me.

[shhshaya]

I miss his sleepy voice notes in the morning, FaceTiming him, dancing with him, all of his dumb jokes, holding his hand, his cute laughter, the way he used to hold me and kiss me, his cringey love letters and everything about him. i miss him.. i miss him while ignoring all the abuse and misery he put me through, all the shitty things he did to me. I miss him even after he shattered my heart into pieces twice.

I’m pretty sure after all the hurt he put me through, I should hate him but weirdly I don’t, I’m still v much in love with him.

Pathetic isn’t it ? how you can love someone so deeply that you choose to ignore everything they did to you and defend their disgusting behaviour in your head and still continue to love them like it never happened.

[shhshaya]

Bumped into my ex bestf today.

The moment I realised it was her, I couldn’t help myself but stare into her alluring honey brown eyes. As she walked towards me, her wavy dark brown bangs kept flowing all over her puffy face. I stood there wondering if she was even real until she hugged me and whispered “Hiiii” in a sweet voice. I just could feel the passionate love burning through my veins for her once again, realising how much she still means to me and how much more I love her.

This sounds like a wattapad story or something but whatever.