S.H.I.E.L.D. Information Technology Department

[lostwiginity]

The Avengers

A group of super heroes fights against aliens coming down from the sky in endless waves.

They were playing Galaga. They thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did.

[shielditdept-blog]

OOC: Sorry for the general absence, working on something big.

Not gonna say what it is just yet, but it'll be big and shiny and fun and I'll finally have my own stationery for Deadpool to try to steal (good luck, honey, you'll need it).  Hopefully I'll be able to be more active after that, as I'll be going in a slightly different direction as well.

[tom-bass]

[eye-of-orion]

[shielditdept-blog]

Official IT policy is a hard G.  I will also thwack you with something if I hear you use the J pronunciation.  Keep in mind that I tend to only have heavy, metallic objects on my person, and this will not stop me thwacking you.

[specialagent-clintbarton-blog]

Man, I could get used to this.

[shielditdept-blog]

Would you like me to get Engineering to work on an ink-resistant paper that, once printed on, just sloughs off any ink added to it?  Shouldn't take 'em more than a few days.

[unitetheocs-deactivated20140126]

Unite the OCs

If you are an OC RP/ask blog, please reblog this!

I am making a master list of them all so that people can find them!

[shieldagentmorgan]

I have to go to work

But help me decide if I should go to Star Trek today or tomorrow after work.

Ie what are your plans. I don’t want to stay home if all my Rpers are busy today.

[shielditdept-blog]

Go see it today.  And then again tomorrow if you can.  Because it's absolutely fantastic, beautifully written, and the acting from EVERYONE is absolutely superb.

[shielditdept-blog]

We sincerely apologise for this situation. We seemed to have crash landed into your universe, courtesy of a one Mr Reed Richards. Please put up with us as we attempt to solve the problem and return to our universe. We are Agent Relic Febaon and Agent Reatis Wolfump, from the SHIELD Public Relations Division. It is really nice to meet you, and we hope to have a pleasant stay here.

Oh, good, PR.  While you're here, mind making my department's on-the-job drinking look like a positive thing?  Nobody internally minds so long as the computers keep working, but They don't particularly like it.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

MEMO #357

All translators are reminded to keep personal opinion out of the translation. Furthermore, no ‘artistic license’ may be taken during the translation.

[shielditdept-blog]

As an additional reminder, any translator who doesn't abide by the translation guidelines can and will be replaced by an AI system.  We have the technology to replace you, and actively choose not to because people prefer interacting with other humans.  But you're not irreplaceable.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

MEMO #355

Agent Murphy is reminded that she may not rig the PA system at any SHIELD base or installation to play polka music or nursery rhymes during P.T. or any other activity requiring a cadence be called.

While it was amusing to watch the latest group attempt to call “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” during their morning PT, it was downright painful to watch the afternoon group try to keep up with the “Beer Barrel Polka.”

[theshieldtech]

[shielditdept-blog]

This is clever.  And why I promoted you to assistant IT Director.

Well, that, and that you deal with my long unannounced absences just fine.

[darkarcherprince-deact]

[shielditdept-blog]

I can make you regret a great many things, sir.  And I'm authorized to do so, as well.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

MEMO #355

Agent Murphy is reminded that she may not rig the PA system at any SHIELD base or installation to play polka music or nursery rhymes during P.T. or any other activity requiring a cadence be called.

While it was amusing to watch the latest group attempt to call “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” during their morning PT, it was downright painful to watch the afternoon group try to keep up with the “Beer Barrel Polka.”

[theshieldtech]

[shielditdept-blog]

This is clever.  And why I promoted you to assistant IT Director.

Well, that, and that you deal with my long unannounced absences just fine.

[shielditdept-blog]

……..

I’ll get my air rescue armor on.

[darkarcherprince-deact]

WHOOO HOOOO!!!

[shielditdept-blog]

Oh.  Nevermind.  You jumped of your own free will.  See, my job is to protect against accidental falls, suicidal agents, and Wilson's antics.  You did this to yourself, without suicidal intent, assuming that my primary job is to catch people who do stupid stuff, rather than being a side responsibility I assigned myself due to my possession of a StarkTech external repair suitcase suit and a fair bit of skill at putting it on in midair.

*jumps off Helicarrier anyway*

*puts suit on on the way to the ground*

*catches 70 feet from the ground, then drops again*.

Enjoy the broken bones.  And don't do that again.

[shielditdept-blog]

........

I'll get my air rescue armor on.

[nooodisaster]

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

I can neither confirm nor deny anything in this gifset…

[shielditdept-blog]

I'm still amused by the fact that my email signature reminds people not to disable their firewall, that it protects their computers.  And then right below it has "S.H.I.E.L.D. I.T."  I've actually had people think I'm just emphasizing my point before.

This is also why I won't go work for S.W.O.R.D.  People would think I'm telling them to stab their computers, and, considering that it's S.W.O.R.D., many of them probably have swords at their disposal.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

MEMO #349

Neither the Helicarrier, the drop-ships, the planes, or the quin-jets are capable of “making the Kessel Run in less than 12 Parsecs.” Quit asking Captain Simon or the rest of the bridge crew if they can.

[shielditdept-blog]

Just so everyone knows, I've got the entire bridge crew and flight crew making lists of everyone who asks that.  You're all being added to two wonderful new email lists: "Proper use of scientific terms commonly misapplied in fiction" and "Jokes that weren't funny the first time and can get you fired if you tell them to the wrong person".

And no, the second one is not mis-labeled.  Enjoy your thrice-daily emails with wonderful homework assignments!

[shielditdept-blog]

OOC: Apology

Sorry I haven't been too active in replying to other peoples' posts!  I just started a new job and it's taking a lot of my time, meaning I can't watch for stuff to reply to.

HOWEVER.  All y'all should totally start RPs with me, because I will ALWAYS make time for those when I get home from work every day.  Well.  Nearly every day.  If I was closing, there's a good chance that I'm not waking up until just before work and going right back to bed when I get home and get a shower to de-meat-ify myself (I work in a deli).  But otherwise I'll totally get to everything I can.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

MEMO #302

All agents, division heads, and department directors are reminded hat their departments are not democracies and thus no decisions are approved or denied by a majority vote. Furthermore, no employee may submit votes on any issues in a department to which they do not belong.

[shielditdept-blog]

Are we not allowed to do this for non-critical decisions?  Because new tech purchases, what goes into the cooler in the break room, and the monthly coffee flavor are all decided by vote here when it's not an important decision, as well as most other stuff that isn't directly related to who's taking care of what critical tickets and the like.

Well, okay, so the coffee one IS an important decision, but you get my point.

[shielditdept-blog]

Found a baby yesterday....

Um, guys?  I found a baby yesterday.  After Deputy Director Hill found the one that Agent Wilson.... um.... lost.  And nobody's claimed it or anything.  I built it a makeshift (safe, don't worry, I know *something* about children) crib, but.... we're on a flying aircraft carrier.  We don't have daycare.  We don't allow children aboard at all.  We'd be in HUGE trouble if it weren't for the fact that they're at least old enough for pureed food instead of formula.

So whose child is this, why is it on the Helicarrier, and why hasn't anyone contacted me yet?  I don't even know what the hell the protocol is for this!