SHIELD Human Resources Department

This page maintained by; SHIELD Deputy Director Hill, HR Department Director, with assistance by Agent Facchino, HR Dept Sub-Director Maria M!A: Immune (Permanent) John: M!A: None

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

//proof of life post. Love you all.//

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

Agent Barton is no longer permitted to lean back in his chair, lace his fingers behind his head, and announce “ahhhh, job security!” when a new adversary is discovered or reveals their existence.

Especially since it is true.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

The IT/AI department is reminded that recommending the Bridge Crew to “turn it off and then turn it back on” is to be recommended only in the most dire of circumstances, such as when we’re already falling out of the sky.

In such situations, IT/AI also may not fill in “Operator Error” for the root cause of every single incident, especially those caused by external forces, such as an arrow, or explosion, or Deadpool.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

Loki is reminded that no snakes are allowed on the Helicarrier, and placing one on the main stair down to the lower hanger bay was in poor taste.

Even if it was an illusion.

Even if Director Fury saw it first and asked  what “that motherfucking snake was doing” on his “motherfucking Helicarrier,” and made everyone laugh.

Including me.

A lot.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

Agent Romanoff is prohibited from attempting to shame fellow agents, especially male ones, by declaring that “a girl shouldn't be able to drink more vodka than” them. This is especially the case if the other agent is on duty or will be soon, and needs to be sober.

Furthermore, when proving her point, she may not use the disgusting home-brewed vodka IT/AI has been making in their supply closet still.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

S.H.I.E.L.D. will not be participating in anyway with any “Undercover boss”-style T.V. Shows, as we are professional spies and already know what you think of your bosses.

Agent Brompton has likewise forbid recreations or challenges similar to “Iron Chef,” and especially forbidden “Cutthroat Kitchen,” as that is likely to be taken entirely too literally by our employees.

based on a submission by @danielx9

[amultitudeofsins]

not to toot my own horn but im an okay person sometimes

[amultitudeofsins]

not to brag but some people like me and tell me i am their friend

[amultitudeofsins]

not to be that guy but i can adequately perform several mundane, marginally important tasks

[amultitudeofsins]

okay to reblog if you want to show off that you too are a person who is barely competent in possibly more than one way

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

//apologies for the radio silence last week; I was ill. Memos resume tomorrow!

Remember my askbox is always open!//

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

Do not prank call SWAT teams from any SHIELD-issued phone.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

All employees are reminded the SHIELD’s Mission Statement is “To protect the Earth and its population from all threats, be they terrestrial or not.” It is not “To see them driven before us, and to hear the lamentation of their widows.”

Agent Winchester and Wade Wilson are to stop insinuating otherwise.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

All employees are (again) reminded that items of any nature recovered during or after raids on enemy bases and depots are not to be referred to as “bling,” “loot,” and especially not “booty.”

That last goes double in the presence of Director Fury, who will assume you have just made a pirate joke, with the attendant sentence of walking the plank over the Atlantic.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

All employees are reminded that either Mr. Stark nor Agent Coulso are to be called “MacGyver.”

Additionally, Agent Arnold MacGyver of the Edinburgh branch office has registered his diapproval of being constantly asked to build nuclear weapons and then handed  a stick of gum and a paperclip.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

Happy Pi day! Can we have pie?

Well, this is a little late, but hell yeah, you can have pie!

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

Ahhh omg I just found your blog and love the faux forms and memos. do you take requests for faux SHIELD forms? 'cause I would love to see the form for prior consent in the event of sex pollen hahaha. (I call it 7A WF 83429 because of some fanfics over on AO3) anyways, love your blog :)

//I do not make the forms. Most were made for me, and the blogs involved are mostly inactive or not in this ‘verse any longer.

but thank you for the compliment!//

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

Rookies, lab, GLITTER, ORDERS?!?!

Kill it with fire.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

What are your protocols regarding asgardian related incidents? I am inquiring on behalf of...a friend

Asgard handles it’s own.

Unless it doesn’t.

Then we do. With extreme prejudice.

[shieldhumanresourcesdept]

The goat applauded at you return

//THE GOAT!!!!!!///