will graham is autistic: red dragon, chapter 1
“I think there’s been a lot of bullshit about the way I think.”
“You made some jumps that you can’t explain.”
“The evidence was there,” Graham said.
“I just decided to stop. I don’t think I can explain it.”
“If you couldn’t look at it anymore, God knows I’d understand that.”
“No. You know--having to look. It’s always bad, but you get so you can function anyway, as long as they’re dead. The hospital, the interviews, that’s worse. You have to shake it off and keep on thinking. I don’t believe I could do it now. I could make myself look, but I’d shut down the thinking.”
Jack Crawford heard the rhythm and syntax of his own speech in Graham’s voice. Often in intense conversation Graham took on the other person’s speech patterns. Later Crawford realized that Graham did it involuntarily, that sometimes he tried to stop and couldn’t. // this is called echolalia or echopraxia--involuntary copying of speech. i know it happens to me after i watch a show where people have foreign accents, or even if their rhythm is particular (like the Roses from Schitt’s Creek, especially Moira.)
After half a minute he put the photographs down again. He pushed them into a stick with his finger. Graham, ignoring his guest, watched Molly and the boy for as long as he had looked at the pictures. // social fauxpaus of ignoring your guest. jack is pleased when he looks at molly for the same amount of time, because he knows it means graham can parse his thoughts.
“I meant to thank her for the books she brought me in the hospital, but I never did. Tell her for me.” // like he just remembered. executive function.
“I want to ask you, do you respect my judgement, Will?”
“Yes.”
“I think we have a better chance if you help.”
Graham did not reply.
“Let’s talk after dinner.”
“Stay and eat.” // social convention regardless of whether graham actually wants him there
“Crawford stopped by to see me at the shop before he came out here. He asked directions to the house. I tried to call you. You really ought to answer the phone once in a while.”
“What else did he ask you?”
“How you are.”
“And you said?” // i never answer my phone. also because of life experience, if i can know what other people are saying about me when i am not present, i do
“What does he want you to do?”
“Look at evidence.”
[Later]
“He thinks you want him to look at evidence.”
“I do want him to look at evidence. There’s nobody better with evidence. But he has the other thing, too. Imagination, projection, whatever. He doesn’t like that part of it.” // this again feeds into my slight paranoia about what people are saying about me and specifically my behavior behind my back.
“If you missed your other life, I think you’d talk about it. You never do. You’re open and calm and easy now...I love that.”
“We have a good time, don’t we?”
Her single styptic blink told him he should have said something better. Before he could fix it, she went on. // if i had a dollar
Graham resigned from the FBI and found a job as a diesel mechanic in Marathon. It was a trade he grew up with. He slept in a trailer at the boatyard until Molly. // he found a job with a skill set he was familiar with, and was content to live right there with just the necessities
“Do you believe it?”
Graham watched three pelicans fly in line across the tidal flats. “Molly, an intelligent psychopath--particularly a sadist--is hard to catch for several reasons. First,” //so my boy gives a whole half page instruction manual about this which is what we call infodumping// “You have to try to find patterns.” // yes there’s the autistic stereotype of being more logical and therefore more adept to pattern and puzzle solving, but it’s not an unfair stereotype.
Graham loved the way she turned her head, artlessly giving him her less perfect profile. He remembered suddenly and completely the taste of salt on her skin. He swallowed.
“Maybe it would sour this place for you.”
“If I were asking, what would you say?”
“I’m selfish, huh?”
“I don’t care.” // instead of an ‘no you’re not selfish don’t say that’ which is was generally is expected in response.
“Make you know it. Value it, I mean.” // she clarifies for him
“He was really obsessed with the dogs for a while. Now he just takes care of them; he doesn’t talk about them all the time.” // special interests, and yes in general autistic people have an easier time relating to/being around animals rather than people, and especially pet dogs can be very emotionally sensitive; and vice versa it’s easier to pick up on and adjust yourself according to whatever vibe the animal is giving off this is me infodumping i have cats.
When Graham finished, Molly helped him pack. // Executive dysfunction be that way.
this is what i highlighted in ONE chapter.
germansingergirl
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
dededos
jacobvanloon
baratheonpilled
areudirty
