Even when she thought you couldn't surprise her anymore, you always managed to catch her off-guard. Deadlock stared down at the tray of food you were carrying before her eyes raised to yours. The delicious smell of food was dancing in the corridor of the dorm quarter and an odd and comforting sentiment of nostalgia gently squeezed her heart.
"What is this ?" she asked with a gruff tone.
The fake pout suddenly appearing on your face almost managed to move her.
"I made you a fenalår and a lefse," you said. "And I brought you some cider."
Deadlock looked at you as if you just came from Mars. She stayed quiet for a few seconds before letting you inside her room.
"You cooked that by yourself ?"
"No," you giggled lightly. "I've got some help from the old viking."
"From who ?" her brows furrowed.
"Breach," you put down the tray on her desk. "Despite being Swede, he surprisingly knows a lot of Norwegian dishes."
She rolled her eyes and sat down on her desk, trying to ignore the weight of your stare. She still wasn't used to you watching over her. It was oddly comforting, almost too sweet to be real. She did not have to tell you when she felt unwell. You always knew and always have ways to comfort her.
"You know," she heard you say after she took a bite of lefse. "If you still have nightmare, you could sleep in my bed tonight."
She almost choked on her food at your words. Your tone was so casual, as if you just talked about the weather. She turned in your direction to see you standing up from her bed, stretching lightly and walking towards the door of the room.
"What ?" Deadlock coughed.
"Your biometric is already saved on my door," you shrugged as you left the room. "Have a nice meal, Iselin."
No, Deadlock was still not used to this warmth, your warmth. Even though she wasn't complaining, she found herself shyly basking into your warm comfort and tender actions.
Even when she thought you couldn't surprise her anymore, you always managed to catch her off-guard. Deadlock stared down at the tray of food you were carrying before her eyes raised to yours. The delicious smell of food was dancing in the corridor of the dorm quarter and an odd and comforting sentiment of nostalgia gently squeezed her heart.
"What is this ?" she asked with a gruff tone.
The fake pout suddenly appearing on your face almost managed to move her.
"I made you a fenalår and a lefse," you said. "And I brought you some cider."
Deadlock looked at you as if you just came from Mars. She stayed quiet for a few seconds before letting you inside her room.
"You cooked that by yourself ?"
"No," you giggled lightly. "I've got some help from the old viking."
"From who ?" her brows furrowed.
"Breach," you put down the tray on her desk. "Despite being Swede, he surprisingly knows a lot of Norwegian dishes."
She rolled her eyes and sat down on her desk, trying to ignore the weight of your stare. She still wasn't used to you watching over her. It was oddly comforting, almost too sweet to be real. She did not have to tell you when she felt unwell. You always knew and always have ways to comfort her.
"You know," she heard you say after she took a bite of lefse. "If you still have nightmare, you could sleep in my bed tonight."
She almost choked on her food at your words. Your tone was so casual, as if you just talked about the weather. She turned in your direction to see you standing up from her bed, stretching lightly and walking towards the door of the room.
"What ?" Deadlock coughed.
"Your biometric is already saved on my door," you shrugged as you left the room. "Have a nice meal, Iselin."
No, Deadlock was still not used to this warmth, your warmth. Even though she wasn't complaining, she found herself shyly basking into your warm comfort and tender actions.
love should never be denied- for the first touches graced along your holy skin with work roughened fingertips burned.
knight! ushijima + princess! reader + sacrilege + slow burn + longing + forbidden romance + mentions of insecurities + mentions of an overbearing father (the king) + abusive relationships mentioned + mentions of your life being put in danger + comfort fucking + virgin! reader + mentions of god + your body is seen as a holy temple + confessions + fluff + slow burn + tension + corruption + unprotected sex + size kink + breeding kink + creampie + overstimulation + big cock vs tiny cunt + mentions of pain + rough face holding + rough fucking + cum eating + oath of chastity + virgin! ushijima + f! reader
— for my ONCE UPON A TIME collab.
— word count; approx 9.1k
shame felt like a hot iron with every step- walking down the long and beautifully ornate hall, layers of fine fabric weighing you down even more. wondering if anyone else in the room, standing like statues on either side, tight and rigid with metal plates hanging off built figures had ever felt like you were in this moment.
the thrones your parents sat at, gleaming like precious jewels, backlit by the sun slowly falling, bathing the land that would soon be your birthright was nearly blinding- a slight tugging feeling that those who had been hauled and read their fate also stood where you did now.
you would've believed they would have given you more dignity, met with you in private- but everything they did was to show the people they reigned over how much of a ruling hand over those they deemed inferior, and that was not exempting you.
without saying anything, you stood right in front of them, hand clasped together; sweating through the soft fabric, not strong enough to glance their way while the king spoke out your mistakes.
“it has come to my attention that my daughter- the princess of our glorious kingdom is in need of a knight.”
every syllable dragging closer to the final punch of embarrassment, just waiting for him to say why you needed one; deemed too dumb, too vulnerable, too weak to be out by yourself.
the running joke amongst your handmaidens, giggling about how you’d surely get lost inside these high walls if it weren’t for someone accompanying you.
“isn't that right?” the king questioned, leaving no audible cue that this was something he needed answered, he had already made up his mind.
but you nodded, gripping the fabric under your palms- hot shame rolling down between your shoulder blades knowing how this would look to everyone.
“yes, your majesty.” any power your voice had was stripped long ago- and now you stood, barely by your own volition.
“yes- so now that brings us to today. one knight has been picked, the most capable of them all- from the prideful circle we have entrusted to guard our land.”
the lack of acknowledgement, of understanding from your father only grew the coils of embarrassment. eyes swept back and forth from your mothers feet to the kings- standing while complications of your incompetence were read out, only really paying attention when he spoke of just who was to be your knightly guard.
“ushijima wakatoshi- from henceforth will be the one to look after the princess regent to ensure her safety at all times, since we all know what a delicate flower she is.” his voice rumbling with saccharine sweetness that made your stomach turn, each syllable laced with pity and disappointment- treated like a kid when you held such a holy title.
your eyes immediately snapped up in sheer surprise- eyes wide, caught in surprise. you'd assume they would give you a low ranking barely trained disciple, not the commanding knight.
with a wave of the king's hand the fractured light still beaming behind them now radiated off polished metal plating as he stepped out of the line of knights guarding the throne, head held high- jaw set while he looked on, forward.
he was like a mountain, only ever watching him from your room while he trained in the courtyard; looking much taller with the mere feet of distance now.
the fluttering of your heart hadn’t ceased since you’d walked to your spot- but now it felt like a tiny drum made its home inside, feeling strangled while heavy steps began towards your form.
you didn’t know where to look, waiting to address- or not address him, not knowing if it was okay to do so before the throne. wavering in your stance once he stood close, to the right- one hand perched to the hilt of his sword and the other carrying his helmet, like stone while you swayed unsure next to him, scared to turn your head and look his way while your father’s wide smile pinned you down.
“ushijima, jewel of our knighthood- will you serve under the throne once more and protect the future queen?” he questioned, once more bearing the tone that didn't really leave room for questioning, absolute in everything he said.
the shift beside you was sudden, near dizzying as ushijima knelt beside you- head that had just been held so high turned downwards to show his loyalty.
it made your stomach turn, seeing someone so grand reducing themselves into a mere pawn just from the few words your father spoke. finally letting yourself move to watch him with wide eyes and an open mouth; in this moment it was the first moment of your life in which you’d want to openly defy your father. wanting to stop it all, to tell everyone you weren’t worth having someone with so much potential be stuck watching over you. but before any sound left, he spoke;
“yes, your majesty.” a voice so lovely stopped you in your spot. “i will protect the princess with my life.”
your throat constricted, tight- not letting you breathe with the finality he declared that sentence, wanting to ask if this was all necessary; you didn't want him to.
a princess who had their voice stripped away was nothing more than a figurehead; deemed holy from the moment you were born, looked on as something precious, unblemished and pure- paraded and shown around as a symbol of the prospering kingdom, showing how virile and strong your father was to produce such magnificent offspring and you hated it.
foregoing any sort of learning in favor of polishing your outward appearance and now you were being shamed for being unable to do anything, to defend yourself, to walk through the gardens, to go out and see the land which was your birthright. strung in front of the knighthood who were more than capable in every regard, some looking at you with resentment, knowing your comfy life was so much different from theirs.
a wave of your fathers hand was all it took to dismiss everyone. standing still- to not attract anymore attention, you waited for your knight to stand as well.
sweat rolling down in beads over the curve of your back, dreading the knowing look of distaste that would come from ushijima, not sure if you could handle it from someone so marvelous and loved as him- head tilting up to finally make the first contact.
but that wasn’t what you saw at all. blinking away the confusion- you could make out a softness; subtle and gentle, kind and almost reverent while he waited for you to retreat back to your chambers. there was no way you could curb your shock at the gentleness you were being looked at with, swaying from the overwhelming moments you’d just undergone.
unaccustomed to the shift in your regular repertoire of how to act and react, blindsided with the patience he showed as he tilted his head down. even with his hand pointed out in the direction back to your room, it took seconds before you could move once more- feeling faint while retreating back. ornate halls so familiar felt suffocating with him behind you, soft sounds of metal clambering and heaviness in each step was the only focus for now.
awkwardness you could almost touch felt like a hot wire, hand burning and unsure of where to rest- sweaty while you politely laid them at the front of you. trying to keep your image sane and perfect, just like how it was expected of you. the new dynamic of his presence while you walked down hallways that only seemed to be closing in on you brought temptation of just running for it- straightening out your back even more than usual, feeling his gaze like featherlight strokes down your shoulders.
you supposed it was natural for his gaze to linger on you- but the scrutinizing coming from him, from a knight… from a man, brought on another wave of dizziness.
calm steps were the only sounds that broke the silence between the two of you, that and the ever present sound of his armor- all the way until you stood at the heavy door to your bedroom.
finding it in you to turn around, you faced him for the first time.
even with the mere feet apart earlier, standing to you with inches of space left between the two of you made him feel bigger, taller, trying hard to keep yourself from shaking openly, you let yourself tilt your head up to look into his eyes.
wavering just a bit while he tilted his gaze down to you, hand coming to push away a stray strand of hair on your otherwise composed self, awkwardness making it hard to start talking. wondering why he was still standing before you, surely the great commanding knight would have better things to do.
“ah- i think this is where we part ways?” you questioned, knowing you’d be resigned to your chambers for the evening- waiting to prepare yourself for nightly rituals.
the first syllables spoken to him from your pouty lips felt like an iron grip made its home over his lungs- ushijima shifted from one foot to the other, pushing down on the hilt of his sword to adjust it’s positioning.
“i’ll be stationed outside your chambers from now on.” he responded, eyebrow quirking up at the way you reacted, eyes widening and lips dropping open before collecting your composure. hands closing into cute fists atop your dress, quirking a smile before coming back into yourself.
“i see, looks like your title won't be all ceremonial then.” with a politeness that was near painful, your head lowered in a bow- turning around to open your bedroom door, but not before moving to look at him over your shoulder.
catching the way his eyes roamed down the curve of your back as you did- fluttering lashes quickly coming back to your own.
“thank you ushijima, for being my knight.” you whispered, letting yourself come undone- knowing that now he would be spending his days with you and you with him but still not accustomed to converse freely with those of your opposite sex. shyly smiling once more before letting the door close, lingering against the thick wood in a slump- hands shaky and heart thrumming painful in your chest.
the single sentence almost punched the air out of his lungs, barely able to respond with a nod of acknowledgement before your door closed.
not knowing what the protocol for being left dizzy and feverish was, wondering if he should head to the apothecary before standing guard but quickly straightening up with a clearing of his throat- his own lips unable to keep from wearing just the tiniest smile.
the days with him by your side should have eased the tightness in your chest every time you were around him, but it hadn’t. if anything- every passing day made things difficult, dizzying. uncomfortable in the time everyone was gone and you were left alone with the exception of him for the first few hours of the newborn night. your treacherous brain feeding you scenarios that could and would never ever happen.
wondering what it would be like to let yourself reach and touch his skin freely, without the worry of divine intervention smiting down your lives by indulging in everything you’d dreamt of.
newly found feelings, born from gazes where you let yourself gaze upon his hands too long, looking at the form hidden underneath heavy plates when it was time to eat and he unbuckled his chest piece for comfortability.
or when he had to give his armor to the squires for maintenance and he wore nothing but fine fabric. dark and clinging onto his body; showing that he really was nothing less than a magnificent man under the reflective plates. gazing and watching him move anytime you could; flustered in particular on nights where you should have been sleeping.
should have taken into account that your whole life people told you just how holy and pure, untouched and unblemished your body was. a future gift for whoever your father picked as your husband because there was no way you knew how to comfort that flustering- hands shaky and clutching at your lavish bedding when his image brought throbbing and heat.
delirious and still wanting day by day when in shame you had to stand in front of the knight plaguing your thoughts- wondering if there was any way you could live a life in which you longed for him in this way. not knowing that he too was burdened in the heat your soft smile, lips and form brought.
two souls begging to be one- only given glances that lasted short and clipped, uncomfortable words exchanged, a politeness kept that wouldn't last.
peaked when an attempt on your life was made- want for him that had always been misplaced by foreign heat by you boiling over.
the clamor of heavy footfalls and clashing armor woke you with a start- peering wide eyed into the dark of your room before the heavy wooden door swung open in a wide arc.
blinking away stun while your eyes adjusted to the candlelight of the hallway. his tall and mountainous form backlit in a soft glow. sword unsheathed and pointed down- his movements awkward when he took in your seated form.
expecting to find you nice and sleeping, heavy fur clutched to your chest. resembling a scared, tiny animal; like a rabbit in the way your chest rose and fell in rapid succession. trying to hide his sword from you so as to not scare you further, he placed it behind him; hidden by his cloak.
eyes wide with shock and mouth parted with the fact that he was stepping in further to your room; being told your whole life how improper having a man, no matter the status- inside your living space. promised only to the man you would be wed to when picked, this startled you to no end. unable to really deal with the implication others had placed in this moment before he pushed forward once more.
“princess.” ushijima breathed, face growing red at the slow realization of what it meant to have him standing there.
him, a man there before a princess wearing only a thin slip- sleep looking good on your face, hair nothing like he’d ever seen on you. without ornate pins and kept down so as to not bother you, he thought with a harsh tugging in his stomach that it looked beautiful. hand clenching around his sword over and over with the urge to take his armored hand and run it over your soft cheek.
it was times like this that he wished he was better with his words. wanting to soothe your fright- wanting to let you know that as long as he was there, nothing would ever happen but he approached in the only tenderness he knew- knowing it came easier when you were involved.
“you must come with me.” he murmured, voice low- flinching when you reacted in panic. gaining the last bit of lucidness you had left- noticing the glint of his sword, the stance he took; protective, nearly reaching out to you- you knew what was happening.
“there’s people in the castle, isn’t there?” you responded, voice shaky with fear; only explanation possible with the way the panic outside was tangible, people calling for knights and protection.
“yes-“ he answered truthfully, hoping you believed in his strength, hoping just having him here with you would let you know nothing bad was to come.
it had come too late, the warning and yells from watching knights that mercenaries had breached the strong walls surrounding the castle, anyone of royal blood a direct target.
and even if there was always this chance that your life was in danger- the way he had come to see you, to spend time with you in close quarters only clouded his better judgment; knowing that you would be the only thing he would be protecting tonight. despite the others of his knighthood letting him know the king had requested his leave of the princess he was sworn to and ordered to guard him instead.
ushijima thought it despicable- only ever thinking highly of the crown, cowardice and need to save themselves turned his once unwavering loyalty towards the princess, knowing if she knew what his orders really were- would turn him away; but he couldn’t leave, not anymore.
“i have to escort you- we don't know if they know where you are.” he spoke calmly once again, “we must leave.”
there was no time to think anymore- listening to what he’s saying, legs sliding out from your covers. feeling silly for the embarrassment and shyness that struck you when you stood and the only thing keeping his eyes from your bare skin was nothing more than a thin white slip. head tilted down, guilty in the want to have him see you in such a state- wondering if he saw the holiness others said you were blessed with; skin gleaming with the touch of god- a gift.
but even if you weren’t looking, a prickling heaviness painted on your shoulders and neck, sweeping down your legs let you know his gaze was fixed. panic gripping with the sound of his footsteps falling, one after the other until he stood before you- breath hot and sweeping down onto you with each labored wisp, feeling like you’ve all but swallowed your heart in the newborn feeling of hope.
hope that his hands would reach and just touch your skin finally, wanting to wipe away all labeling pushed down onto your form of being more than fit to belong to anyone you chose, but instead a heavy fabric placed in careful movements dumped directly onto your back.
eyes snapping up, looking with a wide and questioning gaze- and seeing lidded eyes glazed over with a feeling familiar but not known to you. jaw clenched; letting his hand linger over your shoulder for just a second before nodding and stepping back away from the temptation of your body.
“they won’t know it’s you if you wear this.” ushijima spoke, roughed around the edges of his words- “stay close to me, and do not lift your head.”
this was the kindest act he took upon himself, shaky hands, ones you couldn't see as he tugged his robe up and over your head sitting over the corners of your sight- letting you see only yourself in the reflection of his chestplate.
like this, nearly curling into your space to tend to you, he felt everywhere. the outward rejection should have quelled any thoughts you had for him in the night. but wearing this- directly off his back, still warm with him, smelling like him, only further stroked the flames inside.
with the final seconds before he stepped back, out of the tiny space of yours. his hand stayed hovering over the top of your covered head- wondering if he could let himself bring it down, to soothe you physically- heart tugging in his chest to bring his hand down, but keeping the mantra of his duty replaying in the back of his mind; hand coming back down to his side, where it should be, he stepped away in the same motion.
“stay close to me.”
finality and a tense tone rang out from his lips, dressed in how he should speak to you as your knight- incapable of confessing the knot laying low in his stomach with the thought of something bad happening to you. not from the stance he should be taking but as something else, as a man looking over someone he cared for deeply.
smothering the need to kiss your face, to reach his strong fingers on either side of your face and hold you so that you could only see him at the sight of your wide eyes gleaming so prettily up at him, nodding nice and polite in acknowledgement.
steps taken from your room, his hands both occupied- one holding a torch and the other firm around the sword of his hilt resounded clearly in the moon bathed hallways.
every sound, no matter how small or loud had you nearly doubled over in fear- only barely muffled by the thick fabric of his cloak. staying mere seconds away from his back with how close you were, justified in the situation you let yourself indulge; too scared to care about any implications or godly punishments that could come, your hands reached to hold onto him.
“where are we going?” you questioned meekly, trying hard to keep up. fingers twisting into his overshirt even more at the feel of his deep voice rumbling through your hold.
“to my chambers- the lodgings where the knights sleep would have been a better hold, but it's too long of a walk.” he responded, clearing his throat with a cough thanks to the heavy presence of your tugging hands on the middle of his back.
every foot fall felt heavier with you like this, even more than when he had his usual pounds of armor on but he kept forward.
walking more than you ever had in your life, through hallways where knights were usually stationed at now vacant and eerily quiet- looking up at your own while the cold of dying winter breathed across your body.
ushijima’s large stature bore an air of edge to it, and even in the presence of you his sword hadn’t been sheathed once while you two made way to his lodging. already stoic and calm in whatever he did- there was nothing said between the two of you until he hurriedly spoke of how close you were.
something so small brought so much comfort- listening quietly while he explained the advantage of being roomed here for the night, hidden away and apart from the monumental castle. his residence resembling a building used to store wood or just another stable boy’s room, completely different to what you had been accustomed to.
but it was comfortable, you realized while he hurriedly ushered you inside- hand close to your lower back to guide you in front of him, only ever suggesting where you should go instead of insisting, letting you step inside and situate yourself wherever you pleased.
the tension in his shoulders only grew with you here with him- seemingly crowding your space with only him standing there.
“you should rest, i’ll continue to stand guard.” he spoke with certainty that that was what was going to happen, but there was no way you could sleep now, not with how tonight's events unfolded- choosing instead to sit right in the middle of your knight's bed- clambering to the middle. not nearly as lavish as yours, but still comfortable and warm. keeping the heaviness of his cloak draped around your shoulders, giving yourself small glances at him, standing guard just like he said, with his sword drawn. facing the door, ever cautious and strong.
knowing there wasn't going to be many chances like this, no eyes or ears here except for the two of you- voice small but still there, you let yourself ask him a question. addressing him with the guilt that was slowly melting away and no longer nagging at the back of your head of even being here with him, of wanting to entertain the need to reach out.
“do you wish you were out there?” you asked, the first sound between you and him after seemingly an eternity was your fragile voice, taking note of the way his shoulders tensed.
wondering if it really was anger, after all, that he felt towards you- forced to guard a helpless princess instead of joining his brothers in watch.
your fingers gripped at the hem of his cloak to tighten it around you further when he swayed. he wondered if he could even let himself turn to look at you. wondering what the proper thing to do when the most wanted and precious thing in the kingdom was sitting unaccompanied and unsupervised with the likes of him.
it took seconds too long for him to muster up the courage to speak- heat already singeing away at his nerves with the fact that something so delicate was sitting in the bed he slept naked on. wondering if you could smell the lust for you he kept hidden in the same spot you sat- after nights departed from you.
“no.” he finally responded, knowing the knighthood was capable. if he could be honest, there was no other place he’d pick, would rather live a thousand lives here in this moment where he could pretend that you were only his to keep.
not believing his word, you let your nose come close to the fabric; sniffling while guilty tears sprang, clinging onto your heavy lashes.
“i can’t imagine it's easy for you to stay here with me.” you warbled, already not accustomed to speaking to him for so long. he stuttered in his stance, eyebrows furrowing at the sudden air of sadness you let him feel.
“it’s not. but i made a promise, princess.” he spoke, truthful by birth but unknowingly keeping you dumb to the reason why it was so hard for him.
ever perceptive- he could hear the waver in your voice, immediately wondering what he could do to soothe your fears, a pang hitting his heart with the thought that you didn't think him capable enough to keep you safe. not knowing that you were in distress over something completely different.
“nothing will harm you-”
even with words meant to soothe, it only fell heavier against your chest, retreating into the little space you’ve created with his cloak, you could only take so much of his kind words before you whined out loud.
choking back any more pitiful sounds by pressing your lips against a cloaked arm- pinching eyes closed to stop the tears, guilty once more at reacting like this while he stayed so close.
but you couldn't stew in those emotions for long, startled by the way his stance changed- letting his sword down at an awkward angle, showing he wasn't focused on the door any longer, turning to look down at you.
and once again, he looked at you with patience and softness- face set and near emotionless except for his watchful eyes, taking time to let a small smile curl at the corner of his lips, to show you everything was okay. knocking any thought clear from your mind at the sight, now suffocated in the acknowledgment of just how handsome he was.
“we’ve spent our lives for this. no harm will come to you.” ushijima repeated, this time looking right at you- letting himself take two steps forward, ignorant to how close he was getting until he could hear your breath pick up.
so close, he realized he was so close when his thighs met the end of his bed- wondering if there had ever been a moment in the time he had been appointed as yours where he had been this close, close and alone.
the weight of his sword felt heavier, hold wavering while only you became the focus, snapping him out of the trance you put him under while the heavy and polished metal made contact with his leg.
reminding himself who he was, ushijima began stepping back.
but your hand, shaky but firm in its grasp reached out- tugging at the material covering his torso. a silent plea for more.
“stay. stay close to me, please?”
just like he had asked you to do earlier and there it was, knowing it would be a futile attempt to even turn his back and guard you while you wanted him closer. fingers lessening their hold against his hilt, letting his weapon fall beside him in a loud clamber.
the single sentence bringing him down onto his knees before you. fear striking through you at the thought of any more space living there. he had been put by your side to protect you, what more could being soothed by him do?
typical rules not applying to the current situation you’d found yourself in, not knowing if there even would be a ruling crown come morning- desperate in your attempt to keep him, familiar and strong all for you.
and it was as if he could feel your desperation roll of you in waves- hand reaching down to coax your own off the hold they had, stopping short when he remembered just who you were too.
hand curling into a fist drops down by his side in defeat, before shaking his head.
“i can't touch you.” he whispered lowly, strained and weakened by your temptation.
“but i want to feel you.”
the confession left him freely, mountainous weight that he’d bore with being in your proximity leaving him to breathe in a shaky breath.
there were painful seconds that came by, choking out a frantic plea once more- wanting him to see just how much you wanted him too.
“do you know what it’s like to lay awake at night- feverish and, and throbbing with need?” you questioned, breaking any line of thought he had; picking up his head to look at your desperate face.
heat curling up the base of your skull and prickling throughout your scalp, looking at your hands picking away at absolutely nothing on his cloak, still wrapped securely around you.
“wondering what you could do to make it go away, knowing the person you want the most standing outside your chambers, protecting you.”
words ever so truthful left you now, confessing on your own while his body rose up off his knees. shoulders straight, whole body seemingly taking a protective stance.
every single word you said like a punch to his gut- knowing now that this wasn’t a one sided tug, that he wasn’t taking advantage of the princess he was sworn to look over.
it took seconds to speak once again, wondering what would become of the night now.
“do you want me like i want you?” ushijima wondered, clearly knowing from what you said before that it was an agreement, but the already growing heat between his thighs wanted to know more of what you felt.
“yes.” you whispered back, sweating now while he stayed upright- peering down at you from his nose, highlighting just how big your knight was.
“have you ever laid with a man?”
the singular question would have had anyone hung for directing it towards you, but he didn’t give a damn anymore.
“no.”
he knew the answer- but in a twisted way, it settled any lingering thought of incompetence he felt for not being born of a noble family, to have you properly.
one last lingering gaze upon your body was all he gave you before strong hands reached for the cloak he had given you. tugging it off in one motion and leaving you how he had found you earlier tonight, setting his hands in a reach for his own clothes.
you knew wandering eyes were dangerous, knew that this was wrong for a lady, a princess nonetheless, to do. watching as his scarred hands dutifully removed layers of his thick clothing. nothing like you’d ever worn; your garments always soft and light, made from fine silk- but his were thick and dyed in dark colors, piece by piece laid down beside his bed from where you still sat, waiting.
his own eyes kept their sight on your face while he rid himself of everything, stopping only when a thin white blouse and his undergarments were finally revealed.
not letting himself look at anything else, think of anything else while he approached- knowing words would fail to encapsulate what was running through his head, feeling like an animal approaching his prey; a nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him what bad of an idea this was, he was turning his back on the oath he’d taken to protect you and your honor.
any semblance of reasoning for any of this, lost while both knees rested on either side of you, muscled body arching to lay heavy palms along the sides of your head while you followed.
caged between arms that you’d marveled at in passing, watching him while he leaned close-
sinful, burning lust crept up his neck with the revelation of how his stature must look hunched over your body. letting himself lean into you more, brought closer by the heaviness laying solid in his chest and core. wanting to reach you until he could feel the pout of your lips, sharing breaths intertwined with shaky desperation.
seconds crawled by while your soft hands clawed at his clothes, wondering what it would take for him to just touch you properly, not wanting to be marveled at any longer.
the same reverence you've seen before in passing strangers eyes looked down at you now- too much all at once.
“dont.” you whispered, chest tightening up. newly cried tears pooling by your lashes, fingers curling into his clothes with barely any strength- tugging away uselessly.
“don’t look at me like that.” you whined- wanting it to go away, to ease the guilt residing between your ribs.
your plea confused him, blinking away stunned stupor he didn’t realize he had slipped into. choosing to reach his hand up to your face- not touching, feeling overwhelmed already at the fact that you were laying between his legs while he looked down at you like this.
thumb once more barely catching bubbling tears springing forth under your eyes, wanting to do what he had set out to in the beginning- to take the fear away.
an inquisitive sound was all he could respond with. still too tenacious with you when all he wanted was to dig in.
“you look at me like i’m a goddess.” you finally breathed out- turning your face into the hand still trying to wipe away your tears.
being selfish, for the first time in your life- selfish in the warmth his palm radiated against your lips. turned to absolute gluttony while your legs shook, taking seconds to listen to the hitch in his breathing at the way your tongue pressed sinfully along his scarred palm before once again looking at him with wanting eyes.
“i don’t want to be holy, not anymore. not with you here with me.” you whined- painted in all the colors of want while confessing. sealing your fate, tainting holy skin that had been ritually washed and cleansed every night since your adolescence. tracing up and over his fingers, his hand hovered over your cheek in shock.
rationality screamed in waves to pull back- to stop your inching reach over his forearm now while he stared back. stomach dropping down completely when your treacherous and beautiful hand reached up over the neckline of his already low blouse, his whole body responding with heat while your palm laid flat against the beating of his heart.
heat that tugged and demanded attention when all he wanted to do was ignore it and hold onto it with both hands at the same time, conflicted in what he should do- wondering how someone so beautiful was becoming the very thing depositing years of stoic training.
finally sitting up farther from you when his cock twitched back in response to your finger brushing the sensitive skin of his neck. breathing heavy, nearly choking out a single apology for it, head tilting down to give himself a moment of reprieve. shielding his eyes from your wanting gaze, wondering what would become of him- or you, once he let his hands touch.
wanting to be the one to help your wants and needs, to help his own. god and everything holy- scripture detailing the gift that you were upon this land not present in this moment, not while the first graze of his sinful hand met your cheek, knowing it would have always been you that would be his undoing. damned if he let any of it go, selfishness the driving force now- his loyalty to the crown and god shifting all into a singular being that still whimpered and pleaded for him for more underneath him when he was doing everything you had been told not to let a man do.
without lifting his head, he let his thumb touch your lower lip- following it when your lips parted to let in a gasp.
eyes once more watering thanks to the singular touch he gave you, greedy hands opening to grab at his linen blouse to pull him down onto you. bunching up the fabric between your greedy hands, finding heated skin beneath and splaying your palms down the muscled expanse of his broad body.
listening to every labored breath ushijima seemed to indulge himself in, your hands couldn't keep from wandering and feeling every dip and ripple of muscle kept unmoving in fear of breaking this moment with you.
fingertips tracing over risen skin, copious and seemingly painted all over his body;
“ushijima?” you whispered, eyes widening at the realization that these were scars running along his back. throat tightening with the need to cry, glazed eyes looking at his face- unable to speak when it was a soft smile that looked back at you.
“it was all for you. the fighting- training, it was to keep you safe.” he finally responded, switching the weight of him all to one hand, once more repeating the process of wiping away tears but this time letting his thumb drag along the swell of your cheek; touching you freely.
“it was always for you- watching you wave at the people with a kind smile, watching you pick flowers in the courtyard.”
“i wasn't chosen to become your knight,” he murmured- voice heavy and truthful, “i volunteered. if only to see more of your smile.”
the heaviness resting between your lungs crawled up your throat, letting go in the form of a silent sob- feet planting on the fur beneath you two, thighs rising up to rest against his hips; you couldn’t take it anymore.
crazed and feverish and wanting him all at once- lifting your body up and off the bed to press your cheek along his neck and whimpering, wanting him to take all the throbbing and fear, to leave behind more of the singeing heat in the spots your skin met.
“please-“
the singular murmur, airy and wavering in every syllable made his hands come to wrap around your body- still knowing just how horrible it was to leave a princess like you wanting anything. wondering if he could do more to stop even your pleas from leaving your mouth.
what kind of knight would he be if he couldn’t satiate his princesses wants, throwing all better judgment out the door- not wanting to keep you hurting like he was any longer.
curling down further, weight of himself settling down onto you like you wanted- feeling every shuddering breath he let himself take as well.
“It's okay.” his voice comfort enough to keep your shaking body still while slowly detangling himself against your hold- keeping strong hands along the curve of your sides.
patience wearing thin because amidst the heat of his body there’s something throbbing resting along your thigh while he pulls back and attends to your body with softness in every movement- foreign to him is the restraint of his strength.
“there’s something-” you whine, moving your leg up to feel more, stopped in your shifting by his hand coming down over it, pinning your thigh back down onto the bed; your slip already bunched up against your hips and his hand coming into complete contact with you.
stars dancing in his vision with the contact, strained groan tumbling past his lips while listening in on your pretty gasp in reaction to the tightening hold he held there. swallowing tersely before letting his grip relax- wondering if anything else that had been done before was sinful, this surely would be the thing to damn him.
but picking his head up, letting him look at you for a reaction- he saw nothing but a neediness that swallowed you. lips wet from your own tongue, eyes lidded and breathing out small pants- cock hard and responding with another throb at the sight.
“its me, princess.” ushijima grunted, feeling lightheaded all at once with how you reacted to his words- testing the strength of his grasp with another undulation of your hips.
knowing there was no turning back, a hand reached down to hold onto his cock through the cotton still keeping his form from your eyes.
eyes that nearly strained to look while he palmed himself openly- trying to ease the hurt.
there was no plan for what to do next, too dumb and painfully new to all of this. an attempt of squeezing your legs together failed by the thickness of his body still between them, breathing out an almost annoyed whine not going unnoticed by him.
“it hurts.” ushijima states like he knows, because he does- his own throbbing clear and tangible but yours is still hidden between your legs, and he's never wanted to implore and know more than now.
“i can take it away, make you feel better.” he near rambles, removing his hand from his throbbing cock and now taking both your thighs in emboldened hands. only ever finding softness like yours in the petals that are born in coming spring.
he himself not knowing if the words he spoke rang true, incessant need to bury his cock in the softness undoubtedly sitting pretty between your still clenching legs. responding to what he spoke of like it had been what you’d been waiting for all your life. blooming in the way you let yourself fall apart, head tilting back to come away from his stare- turning your gaze to the side while you felt the thin material of your dress come up even further.
“wakatoshi.” you whispered, tears coming forth in pure lust; helping him by reaching for his still hands- placing yours atop his and finally, finally bringing his thumbs into contact with your core.
stupefied by the single utterance of his denomination- first name stripped away from the titles and the air of authority that came with his last one. now knowing you saw him as a man, about to be touched by a man, defiled and indulging in sinful acts like two people forgone by any pretense. he let his thumbs dig in, hissing out words of praise he didn’t know would come so naturally, tracing out the shape of your cunt through the last little bit of fabric hiding you away.
wondering how you could be so wet- the fabric covering shades darker with arousal, heat emanating so close to his touch.
letting his thumbs dig in, pushing apart the swell of your pussy- mouth salivating when the fabric is unable to hide you from his prying, huffing out a shaky breath at the sight of you.
it was all too much, sitting there and ogling at your cunt was never going to be enough with just how much he wanted you and with the way you drooled all over his digits. silently pleading with himself to utter more than a shaky apology, fingers reach to grab at the waistline of the cloth keeping you away, and tugging all the way down your legs.
there had never been a time in his life where he thought any sort of his own strength would be used against you- but it was all different now.
he knew you wanted him, knew that just by touching you and feeling you hadn’t immediately brought down the wrath of god; indulging in what he could while he was here with you, protecting and servicing himself to your needs.
easy to reach, listening in to the way you whine and nearly coo at him for the act; fingers wrapping under your thighs to pull your legs up and over his own thighs, resting your softness atop hardened muscle like it belongs there.
slowly reaching for his own waistband, wondering if you had any conflicting thoughts about any of this.
“do you still want me princess?” ushijima wonders, thumb dipping into the thatch of hair lining downwards, letting you openly look at him while inches of his hard cock is revealed.
you could barely push past the wavering sight of him thanks to how hard your heart beats in your chest, wiggling your already risen hips with the feeling of arousal rushing past your cunt and down into the seam of you; fluttering between looking at his face and the length being revealed. nearly holding your breath, never seeing a thing like his cock standing; tip weeping and red, angry, throbbing in tandem with the clenching of your cunt.
despite it all, lidded eyes close to moan in response- already silenced by just being spread open and gazed at.
but just your pleading sound wasn’t enough for him- hunger eating away at the need for you, it made him feel dizzy.
his hand reached for your face, holding you still while a stuttering heartbeat was all that was let pass before he leaned down and spoke, nearly growled it against your lips.
“say it.”
gasping in response to how he handled you, not like you’d been made of glass or how gentle everyone treated you your whole life- but in a tandem response to lust that was too heavy to bear.
“i want you wakatoshi.”
there it was again- the utterance of his first name on your sinful tongue, breaking him down even worse than he was before.
this time his hips bucked down onto you, pressing his heavy cock along the mess between your legs- still drooling all over yourself.
the feeling of meeting you like this came immediately, panting while he reached down to kiss you- sloppy and full of teeth, silently begging you to forgive him for not knowing how to treat you any softer. but this was all energy he had kept pent up and locked away, only ever thinking this was possible in his head- tongue laving down over your bottom lip while shaky hands reached up for his hair and tugged.
there had already been too much time wasted between the two of you, your legs coming up to hook around his waist, and his own hand releasing the hold of your face to wrap his fingers over his heavy cock.
whispering small tokens of reassurance- knowing how well endowed he was for a man and that meeting like this; trying to receive him would be an accomplishment itself.
“my princess.” ushijima whispered while testing, pressing the swollen head of himself against your pussy; trying to keep it all tampered down despite your squealing.
“you’re mine now.”
letting yourself be taken like this, wanting it more than anything helped while he pushed inside- wide eyes blinking away tears and biting back choked out whimpers of pain while he filled and filled.
slotting himself so tight every brush of his length sounded sticky, back arching with the meeting of his hips to yours, swallowing down harshly to let yourself mewl for even more.
pain new and exciting, feeling this full and satisfied even newer and even more exhilarating- trying to blink and make sense of absolutely anything except for the fact that he was shaking hard and breathing even harder.
restraint looked absolutely sinful on him, brows furrowed down in harsh concentration- hands that had wandered down to your sides took fistfuls of your slip to bunch up and use as leverage, waiting for the dazed and pinched look on your face to dissipate before even attempting at rocking his hips.
but even looking down at you, he saw you wanted more- felt it with eager clenching of your sinful cunt, once more breaking away that strong reserve of his, testing your own will by bringing his hips away.
pulling out of the mess and desperate clutch of your pussy, taking time to breathe while you nearly sat up in desperation; missing the heavy heat inside of you, quickly satiated and fucked down onto the bedding with a strong and immediate push inside- enough force to send you rocking downwards and squealing.
“mm- wakatoshi, i want more.” you cried- forgoing any mask or pretense, any reserve of your dignity in favor of feeling this once more, virgin cunt sending searing pain up your stomach before resolving completely into a tingling bloom of pleasure branching from where his big cock split you open.
twisted heat you felt before only ever resolved by him, pushing out any fear and panic you'd felt earlier by filling you up with his length, fingers digging into his arms when he let the weight of himself come right back down.
palms splayed out beside your head balling up into fists at the biting pleasure- spiting directly in the face of the oath of chastity he’d taken, watching your body bounce in the first uneven tempo of his hips.
your sticky body shake and curl underneath him trying so hard to temper down just how good this all was, trying to focus on him and him on you.
no direction given, no prior knowledge to any of this made you both dizzy and dumb- doing nothing more than shamelessly rut against eachother before his hips frantically pistoned in and out; reaching deeper the more he pulled out, thrusts so heavy and lasting you could feel them with every swallow, that you could hear in the broken wavering shouts of your voice.
you’d never felt like this, blackening dots dancing in your vision the more he continued- curling spiral of that hot pleasure tightening and coiling near painfully in the pit of your tummy the longer he continued. every second passing frantically and feeling it in the splattering of your arousal clear over your thighs and the heaviness of his balls tamping down over and over the curve of your bottom.
turning your head, searching his eyes for silent confirmation that this was okay, that you weren’t going crazy before the burning returned full force.
scrambling to find any sort of purchase on his big body- your hands looked for his shoulders. once more tugging him down close, to muffle and press back the feeling of your very self into your body in the twisted wanting tingling every inch of you.
“please, i’m- it feels-“ your broken words and scrambled thoughts just barely reaching his own clouded ears, letting you know that this was all okay with the curling of his hand splayed behind your head to hook your face into his neck. curling a strong arm under your back- keeping you in place while animalistic thrusts increased at the tightening your pussy put his big cock through.
swearing down everything he’d ever known- ushijima was tugged along to your orgasm, holding you while the tremors of your body struggled against him- knees knocking up against his rutting hips, grunting at every impale of his dick against your squeezing- only helped by your gushing, liquid heat splattering down his thighs before dripping back down onto you. nails leaving scars of your own touch onto his already marred back- chanting his name like it was the only thing you’d known, that you would ever know.
and just like the watchful and strong knight he was, his own body seemed to understand the weakened state he’d put you in- lips open while short puffs of his breath inhaled and exhaled, grunting at the fullness in his balls; now swelling to the point they hurt before his own body began trembling.
an uncounted number of thrusts, coming down in rapid succession, finally knocked the wind out of you with desperate little squeaks before he stilled completely. face turning to groan low and deep and long into your cheek- pinning your hips down to receive the heat he’d held onto for so long, cumming in thick and viscous spurts so thick it pushed passed either sides of your swollen lips; wondering with clouded judgment if he would ever stop filling you.
digging his knees into the bed to press himself completely and utterly close to you, your hips doing nothing but following up and up, letting him squeeze and bring you wherever he wanted.
seconds turned to minutes before either of you could move, muscles screaming in protest at any attempt to even adjust one another- you thankful that he was so strong, that he could still keep you up with one hand wrapped around you and the other hand holding your head up.
thoughts drifting into nothing but what just happened, always returning back to the soft looks he’d always given you, to the way he felt and fucked you, to the soft and broken sentences of just how beautiful you looked and felt agaisnt him.
“will you ever forgive me for this?” he wondered out loud, cock soft by the time he began speaking- slowly letting it slip out of you, grunting once at the sound of his still swollen cockhead popping out your battered pussy. stomach tensing, muscles rippling under his skin when his soft length dropped back down onto his drained balls with a mess of shared cum painting him, pubes a mess of it all as well.
you looked at him inquisitively, soft now- tired and sleepy with what you’d undergone.
“for what will come in the nights following all of this.” he whispered, letting you go to marvel at your body.
thumbs once more returning to your ruined cunt and slipping between swollen folds.
you could only reach for him with a weak hand, bringing the now soiled digit into your lips with care and that softness he’d just dug his scarred fingers into. letting him go once satisfied and clean, never feeling as holy and bathed in divine wholeness before this. beckoning for his body with outstretched hands- letting him carefully slot his weight atop yours.
“i’m your princess now, wakatoshi. anything you’d give me- i want.”
it was the only sentence you’d ever spoken where you used your title in a selfish manner- letting yourself indulge in this sin; gluttony looking good on your wet lips.
finally having him; your knight- you knew you’d never want anything else, holding him deep into the night knowing he’d protect you from anything you’d ever worry about facing.
