i have Opinions about this. most of this is coming from experience of observation. i am in no way saying that fanfiction is bad, but i do think that people - especially young people who are perhaps new to fandoms need to keep the way they view relationships in mind.
1- romance fanfictions are SO romantic. obviously. and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but if it starts to become one of the few pieces of media you consume, it can completely warp your idea of what a relationship looks like. i hate to break it to you, but relationships aren’t 100% domestic fluff, there isnt gonna be one petty conflict thats solved in a chapter and nothing else. on the other side of the spectrum, people who dont like you arent necessarily gonna become your friend or lover. sometimes ppl just dont like you. it sounds so so obvious, i know but ive seen so many ppl online - both tumblr and elsewhere - say that a fucking. coffee shop au is the height of romance and is something you should aspire to. its not. its fiction and is mostly unattainable.
2 - sex looks nothing like the sex in fanfiction. its the same as porn: its made up. sexual health is important and very rarely touched on. aftercare is important and is very rarely shown, and in fanfiction is usually just getting ur partner a glass of water. which isnt really aftercare. so many young ppl who are active in fandom spaces first discover sex and pornography through fanfiction. its so important to let them know that a) there IS such thing as being too young for it, and b) this ISNT sex, this is porn. its made up to sell a fantasy.
3- relationships dont have to be romantic and/or sexual. they just dont. you can be very very close with someone and never get CLOSE to dating. additionally, familial and platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones, and do not (and in the case of familial ones, should not) always cross over.
3- abuse is one of the main things that is often misrepresented in fanfiction, whether through poor research, romanticism or sensationalism. don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of fics that succeed in exploring abusive and toxic relationships in a meaningful and respectful way, and i obviously dont believe that writing or consuming stuff involving abuse means you yourself are an abuser. i do, however, think its very important for people, especially teenagers, to keep in mind what they’re reading.
sexual, verbal and physical abuse are only three forms of abuse, and more often than not are the ones used in fanfiction because they’re the most ‘obvious’ abusive behaviors. abuse, when not romanticised, is often used in fanfiction to clearly mark out a ‘bad guy’ in the story. in real life its not as clean cut as that and there are plenty of situations where abuse may not be obvious, to the victims, victim’s friends and family and sometimes even to the abuser themself.
additionally, abuse can happen in ANY relationship - not just romantic or sexual ones. relationships do not have to be romatic/sexual to be abusive, and ive seen many fanfictions that will even go so far as to change the canon dynamic between characters in order to ‘explore an abusive relationship’, which can erase that abuse, especially emotional abuse, happens in platonic, familial and even professional relationships.
4- finally, and this is the most important one, ESPECIALLY for minors: despite what many people on tumblr might say, the fiction you consume can affect your views on different things, including relationships, in reality. Just as seeing tragedies constantly on the news can desensitise you to them, or constantly consuming media with excessive violence and gore and desensitise you to that, consuming a lot of media with abuse in it can desensitise you to it, which is ESPEICALLY dangerous to young ppl in fandoms. if ur a minor and an adult is talking a LOT about an abusive relationship (whether canon or not, romantic or otherwise) and is saying its fine to consume bc its ‘just fiction’, leave. this isnt some ‘anti’ thing this is literally a grooming tactic that i’ve experienced first hand.
