Shit I did at work

WHEN YOU ARE TOO FUNNY FOR THE MODERN OFFICE AND YOU CAN'T HELP BUT PERFORM TO STAY SANE

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I told people an ex-co-workers baby died in my dream last night. Nobody sat with me at lunch. #Winning

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Wearing smart clothes on casual Friday to get that well-deserved promotion

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I was thinking more… Corporate. Bitesize. Snapshot.

The client, just now.

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Caught Slacking

Walking back from the printer before a meeting. I catch Senior management’s computer screen out the corner of my eye as I rush by, displaying a Buzzfeed article on David Bowie.  “Nawww, is he still dead?”

OWNED.

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Being told to educate the rest of the marketing department on how to take professional photos

Me: ...if they want professional photography, there are thousands of professional photographers looking for work-

Boss: Can you just do it?

Me: **Sigh**

I held workshops throughout the coming weeks. Step 1 was holding an imaginary camera and assessing their composure.

Me: Cameras are like guns! If you don't know what you're doing. You. Will. Get. Hurt.

Composition lesson 101 - I made a everyone make a square with their hands to look through.

Me: Oh guys, guys. Stop what you're doing. Look at Jen's composition of this paper cup. I want everyone to huddle round and see what she's seen

Phil: This is ridiculous, can we not just use our phones and look at the composition that way?

Me: Oh Phil... Phillip, Phillip, Phillip. You were doing so well.

Ending the training with a graduation ceremony and made everyone stand up...

Me: Unfortunately, our Dean of the 'Professional Photography School For Companies With No Budget' could not be here today, so here is a short video message to say congratulations...

It was me.

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Crawling around the office on all fours and pretending to be a cat, because I was trying to pitch how good it would be if we got a cat for the office. 

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Ending the workday by singing a ‘closing theme song’ to the rest of the office, and asking everyone to pick if they would like a ‘sitcom’ song or a ‘serious drama’ song. 

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Telling everyone in the office that I was now the CEO of the company, and that we would be merging with Fitness First to become a gym.  Then asking our intern to start selling our computer equipment so we can ‘make room for the exercise equipment’.  I continued this for the entire day.  We are a software company.

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Wearing my sunglasses at my desk whilst working because I look wealthier.