[memewhore]

[porunareff]

me: *wont start episode until I have a huge plate of food*

me: *finishes food before opening theme finishes*

[jahminican]

Praying for the woman I’ll be in 5+yrs I hope she’s happy, and loved, living life unapologetically, doing what she loves.

[wofmutual-deactivated20181120]

wheel of fortune

puzzle: H E _ _ O

category: greeting

contestant: spins

wheel: $5000

contestant: L!

pat: no L

[missouri-misery]

This is a horror novel

[pakistaniheaux]

heart: randomly starts beating faster me: what is it what do you see

[whitepeopletwitter]

Bring it on

[taylortut]

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

[taylortut]

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything 

[patron-saint-of-smart-asses-dea]

You pleased a mad fae trickster

[slab-o-meat]

me recovering very well from surgery: good post op

[itchycoil]

No offense but your friends are your soulmates too and not just people to complain about your romantic relationship to

[make--it--gayer]

what do other people have against subtitles? like bitch,.. my ears are Not Friends with my brain, let me have my captions

[meangirlnurse]

after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

[meangirlnurse]

[whitepeopletwitter]

I can barely remember anything that happened last week.

[showerthoughtsofficial]

Your future self is talking shit about you

[bob-belcher]

[littleredbard]

[malamatter]

Is that…, josh peck…

[im-the-batmann]

If I don’t see this somewhere on my tl every Friday, I’m gonna be very upset

[wiszvnheimer]

oh… she can sing

[layla-marie422]

Why didn’t she release this version originally??

[moving-accounts-yeet]

because she was 13 and had no control over it and now shes in her 20s lol

[parksandrex]

[parksandrex]

[youthoughtiwasasleepdidntyou]

Thor without his top

Thor with his Top

[parksandrex]

[846782364278]