Card didn’t consider himself a particularly nervous person, not always, maybe things at the SRS really had changed him more than he’d expected, but even as he sat, and there was no direct attack on him by his brother or other potential mates of his lurking behind the bar, Card couldn’t stop one of his legs from jittering, foot tapping untunefully one the ground. This had been his idea, just a casual catch up, yet the weight on his shoulders felt almost overbearing, a weight that was mostly everything they’d said previously, every single fight, every single below the belt insult they had hurled at each other from up close and afar. Maybe it was the worry he would say it all again, and worse, mean it all again.
“Yeah it’s uh…nothing too taxing. Otherwise I’d have to stay and do it myself y’know?” No doubt Bram knew he was lying, he always did, the guy knew Cardelle better than he knew himself sometimes, and it was another curse they both bore. Too much like each other to function. Couldn’t be with each other, couldn’t be without.
It was the without that Card had been struggling with, inwardly, not something he’d ever admitted more than a few subtle questions, gauging Bram’s feelings and situation from others he knew were close, until he himself had plucked up the courage to ask the questions himself. “They’ll call if there’s any issue, but I’ve put the right people on the job.”
I look better than you. There it was, first dig at him of the night, the first attempt to one up, and Card’s head lowered a little. He knew this was a bad idea. But they were both here now, and they might as well make the most of it. Besides, it would be such a shame to let the good whiskey go to waste..
At least Bram was leading the questioning, breaking the tension, cutting through that awkwardness with new claws ready for Cardelle to answer with why they were really here. Even now he was fumbling with his own thoughts, why he’d actually called this little meeting. “I just…it’s been…I mean I…” he shook his head, blonde locks falling front of his face that he was quick to push back, turning to face Bram fully now. “The past couple of months…they’ve been rough man. I feel like so much has happened…for both of us and I just…I dunno…wanted to check in.” A pause. Best to start with the good news right? “I’m Second in Command now. I don’t know if anyone else said, but I wanted to tell you myself. Y’know…cos it’s a big thing…”
It was worse then he had thought, The disconnect, the chasm between them didn’t seem to be getting any smaller. If anything it had grown so wide that there was no seeing him on the other side. It would be different he supposed . If the lying were better, but Card had never been good at that. Even when they were kids, so that fact that he was still running with it-- still trying to stay face so much so that he would rather lie badly then to tell the truth spoke louder then anything.
He fucked up, they both had.
Bram more so, because he was the oldest. It was easier with the girls. At the very least when they tried to fight him on shit. They didn’t just shut down and close him out.
But Card and Bram did this thing, where the words between them were so heavy. Weighed down by the expectations they held on each other. Expectations so high, that it became a burden to try and reach them. So it was easier; to get a quick jab in and go. To try and level the playing field. Keeping all those words left unspoken., Hurt feelings bottled inside. To the point they exploded on.
It felt like he was sitting next to a stranger.
“ That’s good then, sounds like you have everything handled .” he offered. A part of him wanted to call him out but what was the point in that. Things were tense enough, if his anxiousness wasn’t already apparently by the leg Card couldn’t seem to keep still. Bram just sat there, drinking and listening. He wanted to check on him, this much he figured. The news about Card become second was good to hear. Or to at least have it confirmed. Bram had talked to Axel about it in passing when the pair had met for the first time. Similar to his meeting with Card now. Though he and Axel drank a little more and talked long into the night. “ I heard rumors, I figured you would get the spot.” he said coolly. Looking at his brother now.
“Its late but congrats.” He meant it-- but would card believe it ? “Is it everything you thought it would be?” Bram had always thought the leadership role was to much of a headache. People either wanted to fight you on shit or wanted to bother you about stupid shit and Bram liked his naps.
