Think before you lift

Current total: 1048 euros (but got fine of 400 euros). GOT CAUGHT, QUIT LIFTING. Caught story here: https://shopliftingbaby.tumblr.com/post/150860854011/got-caught-shoplifting-lifes-over-literally Warning: suicide themes Please don't lift if a criminal record is gonna ruin your career.

[shopliftingbaby]

I don’t know what to do :’(

I don’t know what to do

I’m having a break down. The lawyer sent me  the costs of the case: she said she would make them go away if city council wouln’t pay it for me. She said she had to aply for me. That was the last thing I heard from her. Now a year later I get this.. I told her what she told me and she said I misunderstoond: that I told her I would apply and that she never heard anything from me. I would never misunderstand or forget something so serious. She says I should aply now and if I get refused she will look at it.

Now I have to aply: which means I have to let all the mail for my family (same last name) to my friends house: costs 25 euros first week. They say I will get mail from the refusal or acception within a week. And I need to go to her house every other day then.. I can’t let them sent mail to my home adress. My parents will find out. This is that mail-home adress bullshit all over again. City council  won’t let me change my mail adress. But if they accept I still have to pay 100 euros or so.

Shall I go through 2 weeks of all this stress just to have a chance of not paying anything or should I just pay it? It’s 143 euros. I already paid 450 euros of fines and I had to pay 1000 euros for hospital visit on top of that. Money… It always gives me such anxiety. I CAN pay it though: but I can’t take it. I do have a couple of hundred euros.  I cant take it: Ive wasted so much money.

just pay  or procceed with all the stress for the next 2 weeks?

[shopliftingbaby]

This was on the bottle of Gin I bought at the liquor store. Is it some kind of new tag? Seems unlikely: it’s a strip of metal. Four strips attached to each other. I pulled it off. It was double layered and I could pull a strip of aluminium off it. Don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s to scare lifters?

I don’t lift anymore, but if this is some kind of tag, I want to warn you.

[markruffalo]

We have 3 days to stop Trump's internet takeover

Trump's trying to get the personal information of everyone, everywhere who visited an anti-Trump site! He could do whatever he wants with that info if he gets it. Click to help take Trump to court!

Trump is forcing an internet provider to turn over the personal details of 1.3 million people who visited an anti-Trump website! We have 2 days to stop him. 

[shopliftingbaby]

Should I delete this blog?

I don’t lift anymore and will never again. I’m not doing it again: this was one of my biggest mistakes in my life. Or I can just stop being active, I’ve been barely active for the last months anyways, and just let this blog exist? People still stumble upon it even though I don’t do anything.

[shopliftingbaby]

I won’t delete this blog, but I won’t be active.

[shopliftingbaby]

hey hun i'm sorry to hear about your trial. dont give up on your dreams and you will find your way. reading your posts makes me realize i should stop shoplifting while i'm still ahead and not caught. may i ask how you were caught at h&m? xxx

Hi dear thank you < 3 I just scrolled through my blog (my dumbass could’ve used archive) and here’s the link: https://shopliftingbaby.tumblr.com/post/150860854011/got-caught-shoplifting-lifes-over-literally

You should really stop if a criminal record is gonna be a problem.

[killing-time-until-i-die]

Trial failed of course

All this was for nothing. I did have a little bit of hope (because of my stupid positive minded psychologist, thank you very much). It was horrible. Ofcourse I was crying and can’t talk properly then. I hate crying in front of people. The judge was stone hard. He did say he could understand me crying and worrying, but his expression didn’t change at all. They, the judge and the officer of police, said that my reasons and worry weren’t good points to change the verdict. They tried to assure me that I schouldn’t have to worry so much: that I will probably get a Certificate of Conduct and that the felony will expire in 5 years so it won’t be a deal when I’m done studying and applying for a job. But still… If I can’t get that CoC for an internship (beginning first or second year) I will have to go to court again…

I thought I would be a mess after hearing negative outcome, but I’m kinda chill. Cried during the trial and aftershocks after it ended. And shed a few tears after, but that’s it. It feels like this afternoon didn’t even happen.

Still hate the justice system and police. ‘The system exists so people learn from their mistake and never do it again’ yeah right. I expressed regret and with my career choice I won’t commit another felony.

Was the 1000 euros of stuff really worth it? No. I’ve been stressed and more depressed because of this since and my academic future won’t be certain for the next 5 years.

[shopliftingbaby]

Should I delete this blog?

I don’t lift anymore and will never again. I’m not doing it again: this was one of my biggest mistakes in my life. Or I can just stop being active, I’ve been barely active for the last months anyways, and just let this blog exist? People still stumble upon it even though I don’t do anything.

[shopliftingbaby]

Lifting and planning on having a job where a clean record is important?

Please stop lifting before you get caught. And it’s damn easy to get caught. You just need to make one mistake or a good LP. It happened to me and I can’t get it off my record. Reconsider what’s more important: more stuff/making money or your career? I will have some difficulty with internship because of this when I can’t get a Certificate of Conduct (needed in some fields).

[killing-time-until-i-die]

I’m close to a breakdown

I really am. I went to an open day of a university today and it went well at Medicine, it was fun, but dentistry(?)… Now I know for sure that I don’t want to become a dentist. It’s so boring. 

The train wifi didn’t work on the way back and I was so pissed and the tears came. I was so close to breaking down right then and there. Had to calm myself a couple of times. 

When my trial fails Monday I will break down. I will probably cry and be even more suicidal than now and just buy a bottle of vodka and down it all. 

I’m so on edge this week. Been feeling really depressed again tonight and I’m so so tired. Little sleep (5 hours a night), lots of stress because of exams next week and trial and studying (reason for little sleep). The exams won’t go good again next week and there is so little time for end terms.

And I don’t know if I want to become a doctor. I fear I’m not social and skilled enough. Why can’t I get close to people and keep contact anymore?

Maybe I should just kill myself now. And don’t give a fuck about the money spend and just jump. The regret will end when I end.

[cartexa-blog]

apparently these are new cameras in walmart so watch out if you lift from them!

[meltingmelanie-lifts]

Signal boost!!!!

[killing-time-until-i-die]

My sister is bi-phobic

Today I mentioned I had to go to the gay parade this year (couldn’t go last year) and my sister, whom I have told that I’m bi, still thinks I’m not bi and just want to fit in because ‘it’s modern and cool on tumblr’. I thought she was joking when I came out to her. That hurt me. And I argued with her that that’s total bullshit and then she said that she doesn’t want to hear about that stuff so much (I quote ‘You don’t see me talking about going to another hetero event’ wtf) and that I just want to be apart of the community. I called her ignorant and slightly homphobic and asked her why she just can’t accept that I’m really bi and not ‘trying to fit in’. She stated that she is not homophobic and has gay friends. Okay, biphobic then. She asked me why I’ve never brought a girl home then. As if I need to prove myself.  It was like argueing with a tree. 

It just baffles my mind how the people close to me are so ignorant. 

I thought she would understand and that’s why I told her, no one else in my family. 

I’m just hurt and crying. And I shouldn’t be because I don’t need to give a fuck about what others think about me. Suck it up and do schoolwork.

[shopliftingbaby]

Lmao what's this weeaboo talking about?

[killing-time-until-i-die]

Group therapy?

Does anyone here have any expierence with group therapy? The new practice where I will have therapy suggested group therapy (one group is more therapeutic while the other one is more initiative). I think I’m open to it, but I will miss the alone time with a psychologist.

[killing-time-until-i-die]

I want to live or to be dead. Not being inbetween.

(via mydarkbrokenmind)

[silk101]

i’m literally in the middle of wanting to die and wanting to turn my life around for the better and it’s the worse place to be

[killing-time-until-i-die]

Trial date

It’s on the 27th of March at 14 PM. I shushed the delivery guy when he asked if I was *M/N* and tried to grab the pen out of his hand lol (my brother was at home).

But goddamn! It’s in my exams week! And Monday nonetheless! I def have an exam then. But hopefully in the morning, cause then I can make it. I can’t miss an exam >> no certificate then. And I won’t know until 3 weeks beforehand. I can’t just pick another date, unless I want it to be months later ughhhh why?

6 WEEKS! Damn I just want to know if I will have a future right now. Another 6 weeks being at pause (yes, litterally pause) and doing and planning nothing too big. Life still on hold.

[killing-time-until-i-die]

My birthday was Saturday. Another mark to represent another year. The marks stand for every birthday since the first time I wanted to kill myself. The last few stand for another depressed year (from age 16 or so). But the mark for this year is black instead of blue. Why? Because this year might change everything. For better or for worse. We will see.