The emptiest of feelings, disappointed people
We live by the same routine every day, as if we're confined to a different dimension altogether.
It's like repeatedly watching a train move fast and past you, over and over again. Its rhythm is so familiar that it becomes invisible, yet its noise still echoes inside us. Day in, day out, we are passengers without a ticket, standing still as the world rushes past.
We may find life dull if we allow ourselves to detach in order to pass the time more quickly. Not because it lacks color, but because we stop looking.
Hoping the clock will skip
We do things because we want to finish them, not because we are passionate about them. We do things not without purpose but because we think it's our obligation to do so. Crossing tasks off lists as if they were tolls, we sip coffee not for joy, but for fuel. We create only to close tabs, move only to reach deadlines.
We yearn for change—something that will disturb our foundation and reconstruct it. A spark that reignites forgotten passions, a hand that pulls us off the platform onto a train we’ve never dared to ride.
We may feel a sense of disillusionment, often because what we expected turned out not as good as we believed it to be. We experience this every day without even realizing it, even in the simplest ways, like hoping to feel the sun greeting us with warmth, but the cold wind embraces us instead. As a result, we ceased hoping, changing, and exerting effort in addition to expecting.
Despite the constant activity we do, we feel disappointed, disconnected, and detached, mainly because of how unsatisfied we are. If no one values what we do, then all of our hard work is in vain. We keep emptying our soul for people that don't fulfill the itch that bothers us. Despite our constant efforts, we never seem pleased with their responses. We learn to set low expectations since we are constantly disappointed.
We often seek solace in temporary distractions. We find comfort in things that will end up hurting us more in the end.
A late-night text, a voice you recognize, the sound of laughing that conceals the pain. Foods that evoke memories, walks in unguarded situations, locations where no one can identify us, nostalgic music, quotes that make reasonates with us, or simply ignoring everyone and concentrating on ourselves are all examples.
Silence feels colder than pain, so we yearn for warmth even when it burns.
We fill the void with stories, cover the gaps with borrowed light, seek out echoes of happiness in hollowed-out spaces, and are prepared to suffer in order to catch a glimpse of the past. Every illusion demands a cost, and every escape leaves a mark. Nevertheless, we keep going back to the very things we vowed never to touch because sometimes, even pain feels like home, and healing requires a bravery we're not always ready to give.