I went through a lot of disorders since I was a child, I saw many unbeautiful pictures. My dad was an alcoholic, my mom was under the daily stress of the daddy when he goes drunk, making food, taking care of us, trying to handle the grandmother issues before she dies. All she wanted back then is o protect us,I was so young that I didn’t realize why she was overstressed, I didn’t notice that all she was doing was for us.
In fact, my daddy’s story didn’t stop there, all days drunk, every weekend nights out with his “friends” joy and loud music, until everything was blurred, the loudness of the music turned into the song of the heart machine, and the crowded club turned into an empty room with one window where my mom was watching him dies, the smell of smoke and alcohol turned into the smell of medicine & ill bodies.
One or two months between life and death, I don’t really remember facts but I perfectly remember my feelings. I was worried, I didn’t want to lose my dad, the man of my life, my first and only true love, finally opened his eyes, calling my name SAM. waiting At the corridor every day every night with my mom the nurse called my mom and told her whose SAM, he opened his eyes and called this name. My mom was crying with happiness she took my hands I remember I was 11 years old back then, with tears of happiness we went to see him.
Just this memory was a huge block in my life, didn’t care about anything that came next from heart breaks betrayals or so on. Just this image I kept was enough for me to move from any harsh situation.
I said to myself that I needed a community where I can express my darkness, where I can reach the greatness, help people achieving their dreams, I gave it all, I served from the bottom of my heart, even if I was broke, and my family couldn’t afford at least my transportation costs.
Knowing that after my dad’ crush mom started to work as a teacher in kindergarten, so she managed some children who needed supplement hours, I helped them and earned some cash to afford clothes and transportation.
Still in the process, I now do everything for her sake. for my mom & dad who died in living the rest of his life with the mind of a child, even so I love him & I will never allow someone or something to touch up their feelings. They are all I have in this life.
A dream I want to make true, work hard untill I’ll make enough money to travel with my family, this image I always have in mind me sitting next to my father meditating in front of the beach, yeah I dream of traveling with him I’ve never did as a grown girl.
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