Ask Not For Who The Ward Tolls, It Tolls For Thee

"When Hell is full, the dead will walk the earth." Ash ⛓️‍💥 they/she/zom ⛓️‍💥 24 Psych ward survivor, apothisexual, mad pride flag designer, the “anti-recovery” boogeyman tiktok warned you about

[sickness-stricken]

Regarding the future of this blog

Hi, this is @pink-space-blob here. I’ve been Ash’s ghost editor for a while now, and they gave me access to their account many moons ago, which I now assume is for this exact reason. I’ve been dreading making this post for a long time now, on the off chance I’m wrong in my assumption on what has happened, but it’s been quite a few months now since Ash went radio silent and I feel it is my responsibility to get this message out there. It is not an easy one to write. I apologize in advance if this is all over the place, my recollection of events is fuzzy and I’m bad at explaining.

Ash hasn’t made/reblogged a single post since early January. While I try not to go through this account too often unless I’m asked to, I haven’t seen any drafts made since around that time, either. The last one is unfinished from early February, about Scientology, and I didn’t hear from them during this time either.

All I know was that Ash was dealing with a series of stalkers for a very long time. To my understanding, the stalking was getting worse around November, which had spurred them to mark both of their critical blogs as “INDEFINITELY INACTIVE” around this time.

I’m not entirely sure if this was because they feared the stalking incidents were because one or more of them had been spurred on because of the posts on said blogs — they dealt with a few Swifties who had accused her stalking claims of being “illegitimate”, so maybe that? — or if it was just out of fatigue. I’m trying to piece it together just as some of you might be.

They mentioned in a private discord server they would be going on break from the internet for a bit while they tried getting through to police again about the situation. I haven’t been logged into my main Discord in some time because I mainly do my art and other commissions through another account, but recently when I went to log in to check notifications, the server was gone. I DM’d Ash to ask about it, no response.

If Ash has any other social media, I don’t know about it. I know she made a Facebook account to look through my ex’s profile for me to see if he was posting anything bad about me since I was blocked, but aside from that, I was only ever given a discord username and access to this account. I also never saw said account, she just said she created one for this purpose.

With all this in mind, I am led to three possible conclusions:

One or more of their stalkers did manage to harm zom in some way. Given that Ash is indigenous, and they mentioned having known people who were MMIW, this could be a plausible outcome and that frightens me.

The fear of eventually being killed by one of her stalkers or just the stress she lived in was too much to bear on top of other issues, and she took her own life.

To alleviate the possibility of being found/harassed further, they abandoned all of their contact cold turkey.

I really, *really* hope it’s just the last one, but again, I can only speculate. I know zom only really used tumblr because of the anonymous aspect to it, but with how the age verification thing on discord has been going, they may have decided to abandon the account because of that? But if that were the case I feel like they would have told me first. If Ash truly *is* missing, then I wouldn’t know because we live multiple provinces apart, I was never told their real name and I’ve only seen their face once (which I will obviously not be posting for privacy reasons).

I will be leaving this blog up in their memory, as I feel they wouldn’t want their posts giving advice to psych survivors to be harder to access, as well as leaving the asks open so that I can try to answer any questions I can. It will be tricky, though, as I already feel I never truly knew much about her as is and the things I do know could put them at risk if they’re still alive. Any asks I do answer will be tagged with “🪐💕” so folks know it’s me.

To the people who have already submitted anon asks checking in to see if Ash is okay: thank you. Your support meant more to zom than you could ever know, and this blog was one of the few outlets they had to vent their frustrations to the world besides her local support group.

And to Ash, if you ever see this: I just hope you’re at peace wherever you are. If your posts saved even one life, it was worth it; you definitely influenced mine. Please be okay.

🪐💕

[sickness-stricken]

Ash's last draft was about Scientology? Their known for dissapearing people, but usually only ex-members or people who know ex-members. (I only mention this because I am semi-familiar with them and it's a big red flag, knowing what I know about them and surviving encounters with them.) I hope she's okay and that nothing bad has happened. I never knew Ash personally but I think we interacted with each others posts sometimes, I was wondering about the lack of activity as the anti-psych space feels so small. Wherever zom is, I hope they are happy. (forgive me if I used the pronouns wrong.)

You're okay, I think you're using them correctly!!

Both of us are Canadian, and Scientology isn't nearly as prominent here as it is in the states — mainly because a lot of their operations have trouble staying open with how Canadian law is. To my knowledge, her family was mostly comprised of orthodox christian types, at least that's how she described it, so I can't imagine she had familial ties. She did mention having to leave BC to live with an aunt in Alberta though, so there could have been something she was running from in hindsight. My assumption was just that she wanted to get as far away from whatever ward held her as possible.

I know she meant a lot to a lot of psych survivors on here. Even just through going through the asks, there's so many people pouring out their hearts on how zom was able to make them feel seen and understood, it's very bittersweet to see.

🪐💕

[sickness-stricken]

I hope ash got to see those videos of teens speedrunning the scientology buildings. I think she'd be proud.

Me too, anon, me too. 🥹

🪐💕

[muttsandmustelidae]

idk man i just think breed standards should be more about “hey so this is what a healthy dog’s back should look like”, “this is what a functional sled dog’s chest should be shaped like”, “this is the coat type a bird dog should have to keep warm in cold water” etc and not at all about “the dog needs to be APRICOT with NO WHITE SPOTS and FRIENDLY EYES or the judge will SHOOT YOU with a GUN so help me god”

[voltaspistol]

[sickness-stricken]

When I say mentally ill people deserve community this is exactly what I envision.

[fennec-foxhound]

Aaaaaaand it looks like Fennec finally tried to take down that website he made to be actively malicious towards Courtney. Clicking on any links to that website from my blog will result in an error.

But you wanna know what's super funny about it?

He changed the domain name. It used to be "thetruthaboutfennec.carrd.co"; You know, something he thought would lure in people (specifically Courtney) to click on it thinking they'd find some dirt on him. Only to find him with 6 8 nipples flipping them off.

So what significance does the domain "sunteasonnets.carrd.co" have?

Remember that one blog I pointed out as his new alt? The one named sunteasonnets? The one where it was openly pro-psych abolition and proudly stated it only wanted to talk to some kinds of pedophiles?

Guess it's double confirmed to be Fennec now. Lmao.

"I don't approve of people with harmful paraphilias going without treatment" my ass.

Let's see how long this domain name lasts before it changes again.

[sickness-stricken]

Welp, guess the ball’s in my court again.

As a victim of abuse at the hands of the psych ward system, STOP USING OUR TALKING POINTS TO JUSTIFY YOUR WANT TO FUCK KIDS AND/OR ANIMALS. I’m so sick of a movement I’m a part of, which has roots in POC + queer liberation, constantly being hijacked by these clowns. My desire to live autonomously as a schizophrenic without being restrained and having pills shoved down my throat because I pissed off the wrong person is NOT the same as you talking about how you’re totally into kids but would NEVERRRRRR harm them in real life guys no really. I’m so fucking sick of y’all

(This isn’t directed at OP just to be clear)

[mtf-the-gathering]

"gender is a social construct": fairly easy for leftists to understand

"race is a social construct": a bit harder to swallow for some but still reasonable

"mental illness is a social construct": this one gets you hate mail in your inbox

[thebookewyrme]

Gotta add previous tags on here, because this is gonna live rent free in my head from now on. The stars are real, constellations are not. Damn. Tags by @smoreofbabylon (if you don’t want me to put you on blast like this I’ll delete lol!)

[sickness-stricken]

"the “anti-recovery” boogeyman tiktok warned you about" is so funny btw like yes i hide in children's closets to jumpscare them at night with research papers about why antidepressants dont work, fear me

HAHA yes that was exactly the vibe I wanted

[sickness-stricken]

Samantha Fulnecky (the woman who ran to Turning Point USA for “failing her essay because she cited the Bible”) is a psych major and managed to get accepted while still using first person in an essay.

They really do just let anyone become a psych huh

[arttwink]

[northstareclipse]

"you have Wants People To Be Nice To You disorder which means that no one should ever be nice to you under any circumstances because that'd just be feeding your disorder. in fact, it means that people are allowed to demean you and attack you constantly because you, oh, you were abusing them just by existing in the same room! hope this helps"

[awarnessforus]

Did the statments below happen in Stranger Things - or do they happen in real life psych wards?

Children being held and then forcibly sedated

Children being brought to facilitys while nobody tells them why

Children being held captive in abusive facilitys

Children being restrained to beds

Children having to sleep in white rooms with no furniture or toys or contact to the outer world

Correct! All of those things happened to Eleven or the other kids in Stranger Things and to me and my friends in real life psych wards. If dystopian worlds hit close to home, you know the system needs to change.

[psychotic-culture-is]

I love you psychotics. Things are going to be okay. It doesn't always feel like it but things are going to be okay. You're gonna make it, I promise. I love you

[omensvessel]

getting a chronic illness or disability diagnosis is fucking hard

and doctors don’t make it any easier than it could be. i’ve been in a chronic illness support group for a while and these are some things i’ve learned that helped me get diagnosed with POTS, ME/CFS, hEDS, and fibromyalgia.

fucking hound them. be on their fucking case. they want you out of their office and the next patient in. they (mostly) do not care. make them take you seriously, preferably while being polite. cussing out your doctor will get you nowhere except kicked right back out of the building.

do not let them send you home empty handed. if they try, say, “can i get in writing on my file that you won’t be pursuing this issue any further?” or something similar. make it be made public they’re not doing their fucking job. AT LEAST make them order blood tests for you. THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS.

lie about water intake if you have to. if you say anything other than, “yes i drink the recommended amount of water daily”, they shut you down immediately. you won’t even have a chance.

(obviously doesn’t apply if you drink like one cup a day, increase intake for a few weeks before your appointment just to be sure if this is the case. however if you don’t keep track or drink a little less/inconsistently, a little fib could be the difference between getting a diagnosis or not).

DO NOT LIE ABOUT SYMPTOMS THOUGH. you have to be honest about them. do not exaggerate them for the sake of getting the diagnosis: if you have to lie about and exaggerate symptoms to get a diagnosis, you have to consider that you may not actually have the condition.

keep track of your symptoms. write down things like what time symptoms start and end, what you were doing, how you felt in your body at the time symptoms started, where in your body symptoms were felt, did anything make them go away/ease them, literally anything you can think of. read through the diagnostic criteria of the condition you’re suspecting and apply them to your symptoms.

in the same vein: journal everything. things like daily water intake, vitamin intake, diet, exercise, pain or symptom levels, sleep duration, sleep quality, etc. do not give them ANYTHING they could say “have you tried XYZ?” to. plus, if the symptoms turn out to be caused by something “mundane”, the journal can help doctors figure it out quickly without cycling through dozens of things.

be confident. if you’re not certain on what you think you have, doctors will jump on that uncertainty and give you a bogus excuse. they sniff out anxiety like bloodhounds and will act on it. do not give it to them.

get second opinions. asking another doctor never hurts. if they’re a good doctor, they will go by process of elimination, going through simple things like dehydration and low vitamins, upwards towards your suspected condition. this is often REQUIRED to get diagnosed with disabilities/chronic illnesses, but it is okay if you feel like your doctor is stalling and you want to get through the process faster. THIS IS WHY THE JOURNAL IS IMPORTANT ALSO.

i hope someone finds this helpful

i’m sure there’s other things that i should add, but my brain is foggy right now and i’m having trouble getting all my thoughts down (despite planning and drafting this post).

if any other disabled and/or chronically ill folks have tips for getting doctors to fucking listen, by all means add them to this post.

[transskywardsword]

not to sound blunt but I think so many of the mentally ill folks who scream at people who say (correctly) that the concept of mental illness (and psychiatry as a whole) is based more on social constructs than science seems to me to be deeply insecure at the idea of having an identity that includes their symptoms but not their diagnosis. your diagnosis did not make you ill— your symptoms fit into an umbrella of descriptions grouped together in the dsm5.

Symptoms come before the disorder. You were experiencing life with these symptoms before diagnosis. you would still have those symptoms without being diagnosed. your symptoms are what make you ‘sick’, not the diagnosis. That psych approved umbrella of symptoms, which more often than not are extremely vague and under researched, are not the reason you have hallucinations: your brain is. My schizoaffective is very real. It affects me daily. However, it is still a social construct. Sanity and madness are defined by society, not science. My life would absolutely still be a struggle without the systemic sanism that is in part caused by this social construction, 100%. but at least I wouldn’t loose the right to vote or be forcefully institutionalized if I crossed the wrong line

Whey anti psych folks talk about mental illness being a construct, we ain’t saying your symptoms aren’t real. We’re saying the dsm5 is bullshit

[sickness-stricken]

I really like this take. 🩵

[sickness-stricken]

If I knew how to make games, I'd make one where you're at a mandatory therapist's appointment and have to navigate a dialog tree to thread the needle of getting them to take your problems seriously enough to get help (meds, accommodations, validation, what have you) while avoiding them thinking you're unstable and need to be hospitalized.

Because that's what therapy has always been for me, a balancing act where they need to believe that I need help without jumping the gun, so to speak

Papers, Please except instead of Cold War Russia it’s a therapist office and instead of passport and immigrant documentation it’s your medical history

There is still a detain button but you’re not the one who gets to press it

[sickness-stricken]

Thinking of reading Ward 9 by Frieda McFadden to do a write-up about all the sanism in it but I might genuinely open up a Kofi first to pay for all the alcohol it’s going to take to get me through that