You know what? Fine. It’s been 5 years. Here’s the version you always wanted.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@sigilmain
You know what? Fine. It’s been 5 years. Here’s the version you always wanted.
Brb replacing "I should" with "I have the option/opportunity to" in my internal monologue re: beating myself up over shit that needs doing. Let's see if that works.
It actually really did help and I did the laundry and cat boxes. Guess I'll keep trying that one.
THE UNEXPECTED SEQUEL:
"I should go do something useful."
The flat statement offers no direction; it does not lead to action, only self-recrimination.
The implied judgment of yourself as not currently being "useful" is toxic. It tells you that you are being bad and lazy.
My mom died in 2006, but sometimes it's like I hear her voice.....
"Useful" is ill-defined and an easily-moved goalpost.
The idea of people needing to be "useful" is the voice of oppression. Lots of -isms hide there. Including (Tim Curry voice) capitalism.
No really, literally this is the voice of everyone who has ever guilt-tripped or browbeaten you for not meeting their standards. Every parent, every boss, every teacher, every gatekeeper. It is the voice that harmed them so much they had to pass it on rather than reckon with it.
"What could I do to help myself out later?"
Is a dialogue you can engage with. Open-ended.
Properly frames any action as being helpful to yourself. It is a kindness. Kindness is important.
Sets you up to appreciate what you did later on when you say "Dang, that folded towel was real nice, made me feel real good pulling it out of the laundry closet. Thanks, past me!" Reinforcement!!!
Doesn't put you on the spot right now. You could just as easily ask "What can I do an hour from now to help myself out later?" as "What can I do now?" You can give yourself that beautiful airlock time to mentally prepare.
Being helpful, even slightly, even to no-one but yourself, is better for the spirit than being "useful". Capitalism doesn't give a shit about helpful. It wants to use you, and it teaches you that if you are not being useful, you are by necessity, useless. Our culture, based on capitalism, implants this toxic mindset in us in myriad ways, and we carry it into our private lives where it does not belong and we weaponize it against ourselves. Never think that your value is determined by usefulness. Even when you can't do anything, you aren't useless. The concept of usefulness/uselessness is an idea that means a lot when applied to objects. It has zero meaning when applied to human beings. Expunge it from your vocabulary. Do not use it for yourself, or for others. Ever.
Fuck capitalism. Be a comrade to yourself.
Don't be my mom. (Dead but also a bitch.)
Third revelation:
"I have to [blank]."
Not as good as:
"It is important that I [blank]."
"I have the opportunity to [blank]" sometimes isn't enough for tasks I truly hate and WILL avoid. How to overcome that? Certainly not by making it seem even worse by turning it into something I don't have a choice about!
I don't like scooping the cat litter or taking out the trash or brushing my teeth, but it is important that I do. "Have to" is not as helpful to me because it just says I have an obligation. Even if that is true, which it often is, I hate that phrase. "Have to." Ugh.
"It is important" reminds me of why I am doing it. So my cats have a clean potty. So my kitchen isn't stinky. So I get a good grade in Teeth.
I thought of this today and came to look and update this post. Now I see a couple people have mentioned something like this in comments. And a lot of folks are talking about the "shoulds" and their therapists and their personal growth or resolutions and it is so validating for me to see that.
I don't check notes ever, I had no idea this got so many of them. I'm very glad it did and I hope it continues to do so.
For everyone making the change, I'm proud of you.
For everyone who tried and kind of lapsed, here's your reminder: you can always dust yourself off and go back to applying this as best you can.
In the club
I think I’m literally never gonna be sick of this masterpiece. I think watching it on a loop for eight hours could fix me. Dancing’s what clears my soul. Dancing’s what makes me whole.
I’ve never been so taken out by a response
I got to see mom do this once. It was… terrifying. I was moving into my first apartment, and my buddy had just moved into a place about half a mile away, and he was almost crying with rage because of some of the safety issues the apartment had with the wiring. There were a whole host of other problems, but that one was about safety and it should not have been a thing. Mom gathered us up, and drove to the leasing office. When we got there, she informed him (not asked. She’d walked his apartment, noted everything she disliked (she had much higher standards than he did) and she was PISSED) that he was to keep his mouth shut, make whatever expressions she cued him on, and pretend he understood whenever she and I switched languages and we’d fill him in afterwards. (I have been used as a complainant prop before. I know what my job is when she’s on this warpath; thankfully she does not use her powers for evil.) It took her all of twenty minutes to have a promise in writing from the son of the owner for everything to be fixed by a specific date and also to install a ceiling fan at no cost to my friend. In that meeting, she managed to leverage his church, his family, his reputation, the concept of a gentleman, the biblical concept of how to treat the poor, how people would treat his children, once they were grown, and the concept of a self-made man (which my friend is trying very hard to be), Christian morality, what it means to be a community institution, real estate law, and honestly, I forget what else. She’d never met him before. She does not live in our city -or state, for that matter. We’re not Christian. She did a cold-read of him based on his office, face, clothing, and posture (he didn’t give us his last name -the ‘related to the owner’ was a guess that turned out to be lucky), and hit every point of pride or insecurity she could find. When some things still hadn’t been taken care of a week later, she *called his father* and implied that he’d failed as a man and a parent since his son hadn’t yet honored his word. My friend had the fan that day, and the remaining safety issues were taken care of on top of it. No yelling, no threats, it was just a calm, ‘friendly’ conversation. My friend does not do subtext; he knew the social chess game was going on, but not how it worked. tl;dr: I’ve seen my mother do this and holy shit this really should be a thing.
my momma is a retired union lawyer. you should see her tear into landlords and rich people. it’s like watching a lion devour a zebra.
Comrade Karen
I see now…“Karen” is a power that can be used for evil or good…
Listen you are all gonna lose your shit once you find out where there’s a company where that is literally their whole business model. They are called “Karens for Hire” and their whole thing is helping out exploited people get justice - essentially complaining to the right people and making themselves heard.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2022/12/26/karens-for-hire-customer-service-complaints/
his eyes say it all and it really really makes the video from an 8/10 to a full tenouttaten
You can just SEE the moment where they realise their girlfriend has walked in but they just. Keep. Singing.
An ad for your deepest desires :)
I had to explain to my gf recently that in high school a friend of mine and I used to do this. Before school started when we were all stuck in the cafeteria because of the dumbass rule that we weren't to wander campus until like 5 minutes before the first class started, and we were bored teenagers.
So she and I would take each other's forearms and bite down as hard as we could, and the entire point was to leave teeth marks and see how long they would last. It was just a bite, though a few times we allowed chewing just out of our own curiosity.
It was completely feral and we loved it, even if everyone else thought we were weirdos. And it is a weird thing, but I don't regret it at all and it's just a part of my history that I think of sometimes.
[ID: a photo of an opossum looking upwards in a sunny field of flowers. light green text over the image says, in all caps, "eat when you're hungry. rest when you're tired. / you don't need to 'earn it'". end ID]
I am a mosaic of everyone I have ever known and loved and touched and I find fragments of them in my playlists and how I make my tea. we may not know each other any more but we will stay connected like this. I hope a fragment of me is with you too.
hey girl, um, we were playing d&d with your boyfriend and um. yeah she has new pronouns now. yeah no she's doing great, yeah, yeah no she made a girl character as a joke and well the rest is history. or herstory, heh. anyway yeah uh guess she's your girlfriend now
sooooo obsessed with people who are like "god i wish this were me" because im like babe which part do you want to be a girl or do you wish your boyfriend was a girlfriend because either way i have some news for you
Okay but hilariously I have had 3 people who identified as male make female characters to play D&D at my tables and then decide they wanna use female pronouns in everyday life. 2 of them now identify as trans and the third is coming around to it because she didn't think she could/had the right/etc to identify as a trans woman and I'm helping her accept that she absolutely can - we are also dating, and in a few days I went from saying 'boyfriend' to 'girlfriend' and she's so much happier and I'm happy for her and I love her very much!
Also 3 other people I know who became trans women because of D&D. So that's 6 total trans women I know who realized their transness because of D&D. It's great honestly!
Twink // Otter // Bear solidarity
This is exactly what the 90s would have been like with today’s internet
The three gods of Chaos meet up to party once more before the end of the human world.
The best part of this vid is the fact that they spent enough time out dancing in the streets for the sun to go down completely
It’s a shiny rock, what’s not to like?
idk what teenager needs to hear this but please stop watching south park
someone else out there can probably explain it better than me but south park absolutely rotted people’s brains. maybe some of you are too young to remember, but 10-15 years ago people were honestly so vile because of that show.
south park made it funny to be antisemitic, racist, sexist, transphobic, homophobic, ableist etc. it introduced forms of bigotry to a lot of kids who otherwise wouldn’t have considered it otherwise.
your memes aren’t cute. I don’t care if you’re drawing those characters with your gay/trans headcanons or whatever. I’m surprised this is even an issue in 2023
Im gonna post the reddit thing about it
That last line is annoying but overall this makes good points. Fundamentally it teaches people that any kind of challenge to your preexisting conceits should be immediately dismissed and then ruthlessly mocked
depression tips™
shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.
moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over.
put on clean, comfortable clothes.
put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.
drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.
clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink.
blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.
make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.
make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.
go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.
call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.
cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.
Circulating. Seasonal depression is creeping around now.
Lets keep this moving
"why are people who do cool things always so weird"
i have a startling truth to keep from you... about the relationship between cool and weird
I don't know who needs to hear this but:
-"it only hurts a little" is still pain
-"I can ignore it" is still pain
-"I can cope with/manage it" is still pain
-"it's bearable" is still pain
-"I can push through it" is still pain
-"it doesn't hurt that much" is still pain
-"it doesn't stop me from doing x" is still pain
You don't need to be in agonizing pain to be in pain.
them: SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST MEANS HUMANS MUST BE INDIVIDUALLY SELF-SUFFICIENT AND COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT
biologist:
Like literally the only reason we didn’t go extinct is because we are aggressively social creatures who community organized and helped each other when faced with disasters that drove other species over the brink.
(Like we’re so aggressively social that we looked at APEX PREDATORS and went ‘they look soft! Friend????’)
(The answer was yes because wolves are also aggressively social and they adopted the strange tall not-wolves just as eagerly.)
humans @ wolves: holy shit these things are so cute i wonder if they’ll let us pet them?
wolves @ humans: holy shit these things are so cute i wonder if they’ll pet us?
Just in case people want source, here you go: humans are compelled to help each other in disaster situation, humans feel an innate urge to help others. We will help strangers too, not just family, and it has been tested.
Also we’ve always taken care of our elderly and disabled. When life was literally “hunt and gather every day to live”, we saw value in taking care of those with disabilities.
reblog to make a libertarian mad