Jules ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

18 | She/Her | Film Student 🎬

[silenceonthestage]

guys the guy that wouldn’t care if I dropped dead MIGHT care if I dropped dead why are we so so back

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how has this stupid stupid idiot not realized yet he could say ANYTHING and I’ll be staring at him, dazed, giggle and go “nyeaahhh.. 🥴😵‍💫” I am PATHETIC please

[silenceonthestage]

deadass I'm seething I just can't I HATE jane eyre so much can they please stfu

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I said straight faced to my english class that Jane Eyre should be cut from the cirriculumn as I hated it and Jane pissed me off as a character and it was REALLY boring and all of the most stupid pissy "oh my gawddd I'm hurttttuh" girls were SO pissed whilst also saying that they hated Catcher in the Rye and The Crucible get me out of this hell where am I

[silenceonthestage]

There’s mental health days and then there’s mental illness days and today has been a mental illness day

I have spent ALL of today just thinking and pondering (aka being depressed and HATING myself) but boy have I made some discoveries

First and foremost I am likely to give up on the gorilla seeing as even amongst mixed signals a girl can take a hint. This is also because of crippling guilt and disgust of how I could possibly DARE to put someone through the displeasure of me having feels for them as I am awfully pathetic and unbearable in such a state.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that the reason I seem to be so unfortunate in all of my romantic endeavors is that I simply get much too in my own head (shocker it’s almost like there is mental illness there or something) and I end up ruining things by thinking way too much and convincing myself that I am scum which is super duper fun!! With the first bf I was convinced that it was my fault that he never spoke to me and I tried so hard to be such a good girlfriend that I likely freaked him out and scared him off. With the second, he was so kind and overly clingy to the point where I convinced myself that I was underserving and got to the point where I was sick every time he touched me (which MAY relate to the sa bit but who knows)(sarcastic btw) and then I ended up turning super duper evil and insane so that he’d break up with me because I didn’t think he deserved for me to break up with him which generally just made things so much worse. Now this time with this new interest of doom and agony, I find myself interpreting everything as some sort of signal and flipping from “omg wait I might have such a chance” to “holy shit no why are you a horrible person he would NEVER” at least twice a week so I fear that the only options are to act upon it and be that horrible disgusting friend who’s like “eheh.. my crush? you know they reeeeaaaallly well ;) :3” and possibly ruin the entire friendship or sit and suffer and wait for it to go away. Like the answer is very clear because I’d rather I suffer than he does it’s not even a question.

But anyways the hopeless romantic weird mentally ill freak (yours truly) is straight losing her shit as she so often does because believe me nobody wants me to go and confess to the fella as much as I do (except maybe you big fallonious) but simultaneously nobody wants me to stfu and let this hell end as much as I do

I need a lobotomy

[silenceonthestage]

I look to him and it’s as though he’s wearing the skin of the man I once loved. There’s that same smile, his typical, affectionate bullying, those same eyes that watch me go scarlet whenever he caught me staring, but now there’s nothing behind them. I meet his eyes and there is nothing behind them. Instead of feeling my face warm with a flush, I feel myself go cold.

He is a foot away from me and I can smell the faint scent of decay. I reach to take my paper back from his hands and they seem slim. He has always had slim hands, but as I look at them now they are only bones. I remember how they had felt in mine what seems to have been years ago, how he used to be warm with life, but as I pull the paper from his hands I find they are cold.

We lock eyes during a love song and I could have sworn I saw a hint of a smile, but it was hard to tell from where I sat. He was directly across from me, front and center in the audience, looking up with those wiry fingers laced together. It could have just been the light reflecting from his glasses, but he could have been laughing at me.

I find myself haunted by something in the skin of the man I had loved. To everyone else, this is simply just what happens when one grows older, but to me, it all feels so wrong. I refuse to accept that the rotting corpse before me is the same boy who had been so lively. I refuse to accept that we all die someday.

And as he walked across the stage, I couldn’t bring myself to watch.

[silenceonthestage]

the spectrum of my nightmares ranges from gorey, haunting creature horror to ‘what if you had everything you could ever want and then watch it get ripped from you?’ and I really think that says a lot about me as a person

[silenceonthestage]

I can confess then maybe spend a whole summer with him but I can also confess and spend the whole summer beating myself up over the fumble I feel the two wolves inside me tearing each other to shreds

[silenceonthestage]

I sit beside a hospital bed

Cold, still, and bland

She had so much life ahead

Now there’s only the twitch of her hand

Once, she had been my reason

Why I’d wake up each morning

But, in some foul sort of treason,

She’s left me sitting here mourning

Across from me, her step-mother

Commenting on her greasy hair

While there lays my dying lover

Skin slowly growing more fair

The color has long since left her

A sickly pale all that’s remains

I’ve sat here, naively hoping she’d stir

Though my optimism gradually wanes

She had used to sing sweet melody

Her voice with the warmth of full choir

Now she lays a foot from me

Fair skin split open by wire

She had once meant everything to me

The only factor I knew of for my uncertain future

But now, I don’t think that I’ll ever see

Her face again, unobstructed by suture

The girl I loved is dead, ripped away by neglect

I hear her monitor cry a flatline

Never to be remembered for her intellect

Nor how her hands fit in mine

The girl I loved is dead, her room now bare

Save for her step mother, lawyer on the line

And as I turn to leave, I can’t help but stare

As she try’s to say that the fault is mine

This one is scribbled down in one whole take with no edits straight into this tumblr post!! It was either this or write about romantical yearning and I have had ENOUGH of that recently god let it end why can’t people just ask me out must I always be a move maker? (yes I must because I fear I am undesirable)

but anyways new orchestra teach has slaughtered our program and tonight was my senior concert and now I’m in the feels

likely to cry over this and devolve back into yearning somehow after so night night

[silenceonthestage]

I am digging my nails into the grass as Coach tries to put me back in the game

My leg is in a cast and it was never really my sport anyways

[silenceonthestage]

“I’m not like other girls!” I cries with joys

That’s when I saw him… the evil truther guy

“You are just like other girls” says the fuck you guy

[silenceonthestage]

“to love is to change!” “to love is to let go!”

WRONG

to love is to look at someone and do everything in your power to help make their life better, to do whatever you can do to help them achieve their goals, and to support them, even if this means forcing yourself to change or let go

but what would I know

[silenceonthestage]

🫪🫪🫪🫪🫪🫪🫪🫪🫪🫪🫪🫪

my boy my sweet boy

he’s so perfect

just look at him 🫪

they made him a real emoji :,)

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.

[silenceonthestage]

A Glass - January 2026

You are a glass on a foldout table

Surrounded by red solo cups

While everyone else’s drink needs a label

In order to prevent mix ups

From a distance, you seemed plastic too

Lacking that characteristic shine

Seeming to be one of those items who

Liked to masquerade as something fine

But as I tapped you with a spoon

I heard that simple tink

Which, when paired with a glint in the moon,

Showed there’s more to you than one’d think

So that night, the glass came home with me

Tucked snugly away in my purse

Taken from someone and quick to flee

From treatment that had been much worse

When I set the glass on my counter

I saw it badly scratched

What had you have had to encounter

To leave you damaged and unpatched?

Part of your neck had been cracked

Likely from being held too tight

As I looked more closely, I saw light refract

From the bountiful imperfections in sight

For the next few months, I used that glass

Careful to not make a mistake

Hoping that with enough care, I’d bypass

How this cup seemed fated to break

Then one day, I nearly dropped it

Quickly dropping to snatch

That beautiful cup before it went to the void

Behind the trash compactor hatch

I didn’t touch it for the next week

Hoping that somehow it’d recover

Before finally mustering the courage to peek

Into my cabinet with the care of a lover

You were once a glass in my cabinet

Though now you are shining shards

You used to be something beautiful yet

Now you’ll littering frat house yards

Okay so I really thought the stuff with the red solo cups vs a glass on a frat table was a very lovely image I just did not do it all too well whoopsie amateur poet move

Def would want to do something more with that image because to me I see it very well and it just speaks to me so

Sounds kinda cringey at the end gulp

Suddenly very sound in not pursuing writing and sticking to film writing instead I think I can do much more with film (images, music, body language, etc) than I could with poetry

It just never really clicked for me but it’s a fascinating concept

[silenceonthestage]

even paolo from snapchat cannot cure my yearning and that’s saying something

[silenceonthestage]

Sandcastles - March 2026

No matter how far inland I go, I always smell like the sea

No matter how I try to change, I fear I will always be me

Terrible things come to terrible people as the tide comes to shore

Relentlessly crashing against the beach, always washing away more

More than a child’s hopes, a sandcastle, a shovel, a bucket m

I truly deserve nothing, I know, but fuck it

That tide’s been relentless, taking until the beach itself washes away

But even so, I hold out hope for a day

A day where I sit at the shore and watch

As my sandcastle finally beats the tide

And beside me, someone sits with a splotch

Of sunscreen to be applied

Someone who comes to the beach with me

Just to watch the tide

With sandcastles as far as the eye can see

Mine’s been there months now, fully dried

The water will never again touch it

Kept at bay by the moat we’d dug

The entire time, beside me you’d sit

Reminding me to not ever quit

But right now, I sit here alone

Wishing you were here

Looking at the messages on my phone

The reason that you’re not is clear

Simply put, I was too much for you

My sandcastle not built to last

But even today, I wish I was the one who

Could be who you’d loved in the past

I fear I am decidedly NOT a poet but I am trying to get into it and stop being so shy so I’m gonna start tossing some old and/or unfinished/unpolished stuff here so here you go 🩷