"Merlin not only loved Gwen at least as much as Arthur did, but was also far more loyal and consistent." - gentle reminder that Arthur thought Gwen betrayed him right before their wedding, whereas Merlin knew that Morgana had enchanted Lancelot. Also, Arthur needed to get married for the sake of Camelot. ps the Eira plot annoyed me too. As if Gwaine would be that stupid. Pfffft.
Hi, anon! I really have to stand by my opinion here.
When it comes to Arthur and Gwen, the whole shade!Lancelot mess isn’t even my biggest issue because, yes, as you said, she did cheat on him right before their wedding, and yes, she did so much damage to him as a king, and he never knew about the magic involved. However, even before that, he kept breaking up with her every two episodes because, first, oh, there is a princess-of-the-week that I must marry and oh, what will daddy think, and then, oh what will uncle Aggy think! Like... the early stuff is understandable, and Uther I get, he would have killed her if he knew, but season 4 Arthur was on so much bullshit long before shade!Lancelot.
The power imbalance between them was staggering. There she was, waiting for him with everything on the line (including her very life) while he wavered back and forth, and she would just quietly accept whenever he rejected her, and then just as quietly take him back when he apologized, usually after Merlin got on his ass about it. There are maybe two scenes where she loses her temper and ~speaks her mind~ in front of him (and both times it was about him saying please and thank you when somebody brings him lunch). It’s frustrating because these scenes are such red herrings that people use as evidence for how he ~respected~ her opinion and how she could speak freely around him, when, in truth, she was always so careful about what she said and how she said it, always so respectful and deferential of him, always waiting patiently for him to come around (which usually happened after Merlin slapped him upside the head). The difference in status between them never went away, even after they were married, whereas she was always herself with Merlin, and Merlin was the one who was constant and consistent throughout their entire relationship. There was never a moment when he wasn’t in her corner, including when she tried to kill both him and Arthur (and nearly succeeded) during her evil spree. In fact, during that time when Merlin was the one possessed, she caught on immediately because it was so out of character for him to be nasty and territorial towards her. They were never in competition with each other, the two of them were a team long before she and Arthur became one.
Then we get to season 5 and she is finally Queen, but Arthur is so distant! It is Merlin who remembers their anniversaries and the little gifts and signs of affection, not Arthur! Never Arthur! What Arthur does is put on a performance of being married when he has to, hides things from her and lies to her, while Merlin fills in the blanks. And then when Uther comes back as a ghost and tries to kill her, Arthur whines, “But how could he do that to me, when he knows how much I love her?” conveniently forgetting that this is the man who murdered her father and tried to have her burned at the stake TWICE for petty reasons. Also, let's not forget that after all the trauma Uther put her through, Arthur still had her nursing his evil senile arse (of all the servants in Camelot!!) because he never once thought to tell her that no, you don’t need to do that, you don’t have to constantly keep proving your loyalty and devotion over and over again at the expense of your own mental well-being!
Anyway, my point is, even without Lancelot in the mix, Arwen is such a bland and, dare I say it, messy pairing on its own. It works because ultimately, both Gwen and Arthur are super cute individually, therefore when things are good, they are also cute together. But without Merlin and all the effort he put into their relationship, I just don’t see their love lasting longer than a week. Merlin is the one who did all the emotional labour in that marriage, Gwen and Arthur just had candle-lit dinners and picnics together. Merlin was always in her corner, always checking in on her and if she’s OK (including through all the messes with Uther, while Arthur simply felt entitled to her just getting over it). Merlin was the one who always made sure that she knew that she is loved. Without Merwen, Arwen just does not work for me at all.
(Before somebody comes after me about this, yes, I think that Merthur was unbalanced, messy and unhealthy too, but that is a whole different rant for another time. The difference for me is that even though both Merwen and Arwen are lovely in their own right, neither can actually stand on its own. Merwen without Arthur makes no sense within the narrative when we consider how integral Arthur was to both their lives, and Arwen would have died an ugly death without Merlin involved at all stages of their relationship. Merthur has no such problems, Gwen or no Gwen, healthy or unhealthy, dark or loving, they are bound and fated and exist on a level above all else in that show.)
Also, ugh! This is where I agree! All the hate for that Gwaine plot and her-who-shall-not-be-named! No love! And I was doing such a great job of forgetting that ever happened too! 🤮