why

[silverpavement]

am i even trying anymore? 

[silverpavement]

Well what I’ve learned from this past month is that I’m not an emotionless robot that isn’t affected by human death so that’s something at least

[silverpavement]

wow i just got really tired

[silverpavement]

Well I’m not quite freaking out, which is nice

but i’m definitely distressed

[silverpavement]

I forgot that in my current recurring dreamscape I am a child murderer who also lost two dogs I was supposed to be looking after Let’s just say that last night wasn’t very restful (I’m actually not positive that I didn’t have the first dream earlier last night- just that the one I had before I woke up was definitely set after that incident and it has the feel of a recurring dream)

[catbleps]

GET WREKT LIGHT

[silverpavement]

One of my best friends just told me she loves me and I’m like on the edge of crying right now?

This is really important to me

I have a really weird relationship with that phrase

[dokelsss]

batfriends

[morrithal]

Who let Maggie Stiefvater write books

[silverpavement]

I have a headache and am staving off an emotional breakdown

[silverpavement]

Also I drew a tarot card from the top of my deck and it was the two of wands:

The Two of Wands takes the spark of inspiration from the Ace of Wands and matures it into an actual path forward. Thus, the Two of Wands is all about planning and progressing. You have been able to take your idea and turn it into a feasible plan that you know will lead to your success. It is no longer just an idea but you now have a plan in place to ensure that your idea is carried out as you had intended.

[silverpavement]

also, for the first time ever, when I put on this dress (which I’ve always liked although it probably is a little small)  i felt like those trans men you see comics about where like their parent has dressed them and they look in a mirror and it’s a big guy staring back at them who just looks really uncomfortable i don’t entirely know why this is happening since i’m not binary trans, but I think it has to do with being in the house again (and being constantly misgendered) and I just feel so weird and just want to go to sleep and not be bothered for a while

[silverpavement]

I forgot how close my room is to my parentals’ I can hear their footsteps as they walk by and i can already feel the constant tension settling in my shoudlers