Internal power is the ability to alter, change or shift your personal experience.
It is your ability to be proactive, to cultivate the things you want rather than to be in a reactive state to your health, be in a cycle of damage control in your relationships, or simply punch the clock at work.
It is your ability to start something new and bring it to ripeness.
It is your ability to shift your perspective out of pessimism and into optimism.
It is the ability to choose your life rather than to exist in the status quo.
It is the ability to create in the flow of life rather than rebel against it.
It is the ability to get out of your own way.
External power is your ability to influence things outside of you, including others and their experiences.
Internal power is the ability to influence your own experience, and to actualize your reality.
It is ability to persevere, to have patience in the middle of a difficult process of bringing what you want to fruition, to have the resilience to overcome internal and external resistance, and to reach the desired result.
It is the ability to detach from others' opinions, reactions, feelings and drama so that you have the energy to actualize your own reality.
It is the ability to receive feedback on your blind spots, integrate that information and shift accordingly.
It is the ability to discern what is in your control and to let go of what is out of your control, so that you can act accordingly.
It is the ability to know your triggers, to open them up and heal them so that you do not act out subconsciously in detrimental ways.
It is taking personal responsibility for your experience.
It is self-mastery.
It is personal Freedom.
It is self-awareness.
Internal power is about the will and the higher self.
It is being the bigger person because it makes you feel good, not because you are going to get some external recognition.
Internal power is the ability to respond with poise and insight rather than reacting out of fear or pride.
Internal power is the ability to choose to harmony over righteousness, or even justice over complacent submission, as appropriate.
Enemies of Internal Power
An enemy of internal power is powerlessness.
Powerlessness is giving your responsibility for your happiness over to other people, places and things.
It is believing that you are powerless over your ability to be happy in your job.
It is being in reaction to your health.
Another enemy of internal power is co-dependency, giving your power over to another person, place or situation (if only XYZ would change, then I could be happier).
One enemy of internal power is denial. Refusal to accept reality as it is. Refusal to accept responsibility for our experience. Refusal to believe that we are worthy to have the life we desire.
What it isn't
Internal power is not passive, although it can appear to be to those who value external power more.
Internal power is not often popular.
Internal power is not narcisissm or selfishness, it is empowerment and often can involve working towards the greater good of all.
Immortal power of integrity
I think of internal power as my ability to like myself, my capacity to acknowledge that at the end of my life, when I reflect back from my deathbed, what will really matter is whether I empowered myself to reach my potential, was a woman of integrity, atoned for my mistakes, lived without regret, and enjoyed the experience of my life.
From my perspective, the point of Simplicity is to clear away any obstacles on the path to self-actualization.
Self-actualization is the ability to have a vision for growth and to actualize that vision -- to bring my vision to reality.
Examples include:
-The desire to find a new purpose in life.
-The desire to reach a new goal on my career path.
-The vision to create a new committed relationship and have a family.
-The vision to feel empowered in my body, to loose weight or become healthier or stronger or leaner.
-The desire to experience the home as a peaceful sanctuary.
-The desire to learn any new craft, language, instrument or skill.
I believe that the process to become fully empowered, to have Personal Freedom from the bondage of ego, will require that we get *really, really organized*-- both internally and externally.
Simplicity Consulting is about two things. It is about Yin and Yang.
YIN
Manifesting the Unseen, or the Texture of our Experience
It is about organizing our internal resources so that we can handle the tremendous responsibility of personal freedom and empowerment. Anyone who owns their own business and employs others feels this imminent responsibility.
The path of organizing our internal resources involves removing negative mental, emotional and physical habits; and replacing them with healthy self-esteem and habits of well being.
It is about learning how to Anchor From Within, so that we can handle the external obstacles that are inevitable on the path to expansion.
It is about creating a Vision Map of how we want our experience to FEEL, so that we don't end up with all the stuff we want while plagued with a feeling of emptiness. This is a map of things you cannot see (YIN).
YANG
Manifesting that which can be Seen, Touched, Felt
Simplicity Consulting is also about organizing external resources (wellbeing practices or home office systems) so that we remove any obstacles to creating the life we want and so that we have the space and physical capacity to achieve our goals.
Clutter creates drag on your life. Period. Just like extra weight creates drag on your ability to walk.
If you need to organize your space, we will roll up our sleeves and physically dig in to create space for you to grow your life.
It is also about creating a Goals Map to achieve the external things in life: the physical things, the job, the business, the new talent, the family, etc. This is map of how you want your life to look (YANG).
THE PROCESS
Overcoming Resistance
We can work in as little as 1 session, or for as long as you wish. I have had some of my clients for 6 years now. Why? Because they keep growing, they keep setting new goals. Or they keep fine-tuning their felt experience.
Every time we set a new goal or vision for growth, Resistance Arises. Every single time. We are called upon to test our Internal Resources again. And our Habits for Wellbeing become more essential.
Simplicity Consulting can be about coaching clients through Resistance. As Steven Pressfield points out in book The War of Art, resistance is protean, meaning it will morph into new more creative ways of self-sabotage if we aren't paying attention.
But we do not do the heavy lifting for you. Sorry friends. Not happening. :) We will gently nudge you when you seem to be dropping off the path you wanted. We will support you in setting boundaries, clearing clutter, creating new habits, and help point out your blind spots. Again, we will not do it for you.
FREEDOM
Ultimately, the process of becoming the person we want to be, in the context of the life we want, is one of Freedom.
Rather than submitting to the life you are given, you are choosing to exert your power to create your life.
It is a personal choice - not just one, but ongoing choices. Minute by minute, hour by hour, the choices arise to stay in integrity with who we want to become.
True Freedom to create the life we want will require tremendous organiziation of our Internal Resources and our External Resources.
In other words, it will take all we've got to make it happen.
Life will throw curve balls of it's own -- and the capacity to respond will be directly proportional to the amount of drag/clutter/bad habits we have removed from our lives as well as the strength and resilience to respond with wisdom or compassion.
WHAT CAN I EXPECT?
The Outcome
The outcome depends on your personal experience.
One of my clients has not changed very much about how her life looks (same business, same home, same family), but the entire way she experiences her life is different. Her self-esteem, self-awareness, personal responsibility, feeling of wellbeing, all of these things have changed.
A different client started out being about only two things: a Vision Map and organizing closets. A year and a half later, she had transformed her space, left her job and moved to Bali.
All of those choices evolved out of her increased personal responsibililty for her happiness and wellbeing. I did not coach her to take those risks, they were borne out of her process of personal freedom.
So the results depend on you.
To be redundant, Simplicity Consulting is about organizing your internal and external resources to set you up to attain the life you desire.
A growth spurt can feel very similar to an energy drain, and this is an important distinction to make on the path of self-mastery. For the record, I do not pretend to have mastered the Self, yet I do bring my attention to it daily.
If we become so self-identified as being a helper who supports others at our own expense, then this is Martyrdom.
As adults, we may have given others permission to drain our energy, to demand our time and emotional investment, at their will instead of our own. Now they expect it.
Here's the trick. We allowed them to do this. We might have been unaware, but it is paramount that we take responsibility for our part in the dynamic and pivot quickly to set up boundaries with kindness-- rather than react out of resentment, which just creates more drama and results in more drag on our energy.
Energy drains can feel dramatic, toxic, emotional, it can feel like we are chained to another person even when we are away from them.
Growth Spurts
A growth spurt can make us tired, too. So how do we know whether a growth spurt is an energy drain and vice versa?
When we make a decision to take another step towards personal freedom or a new creative endeavor, no matter how long we've been doing this, Resistance arises.
We feel challenged, like we are lifting weights. Our awareness steps to the fore to help us achieve our growth and thus we are present in a way that challenges us -- and feels draining.
But it's not draining, it is strengthening. Eventually, after the muscle of awareness takes a step, a plateau will come (as long as you give yourself a break before taking on more growth), and you'll feel better.
Conversely, an energy drain does not feel better until it is removed completely.
Here is how Growth happens for me:
First, I decide to take a step (i.e. set boundaries, take responsibility for my health, take responsibility for drama in my life, stop making excuses for being late, or become more emotionally honest with myself and others, grow my business, create a new body of work, learn a new language, etc.).
Next, forces arise to bring me to that goal. Awareness is peaked. I feel more energy when I imagine reaching my goal. Cheerfulness emanates. The twinkle in my eye is restored.
Then Resistance arises. It is a universal phenomenom, kids. Everyone goes through it. EVERY TIME you decide to take a step resistance arises. To repeat, it is the equivalent of lifting weights to gain strength.
Resistance is what builds the inner strength to withstand the outcome of freedom (which is a tremendous responsibility). An excellent book on the subject of Resistance is The War of Art by S.Pressfield.
And somewhere in there, if I don't let Resistance win, if I don't succumb to the negative self-talk--(i.e. I can't do this, life is not suppposed to be hard, I shouldn't have to state my worth, I shouldn't grow, I will always be overweight, I will always feel sluggish, I am not worthy of success, etc.) then at some point the resistance pops and I find myself on a new plateau.
The very thing that used to feel hard starts to feel effortless -- just like working out in the gym.
Meltdowns
Back to the toddler at preschool analogy. At the end of the week of feeling challenged by this new step I am taking, I may be nearing a meltdown.
It's like a toddler who has just started preschool, who has been working so hard to follow new rules, go to the potty on a new schedule, *and* learn something new. On Friday at about 4pm, I JUST WANT A NAP AND A COOKIE! Waaaaaaaaahhhhh!
The growth spurt meltdown is different than the meltdown of an energy drain. Though they look the same, it's similar to the idea that someone who is exhausted from lifting weights may wobble and shake and perspire just like someone who is exhausted from ill health.
But they are very different. And it is up to you to self-validate that there is a difference. And to talk yourself through it.
That is inner strength. And, to repeat, Inner Strength is the precious resource that is required to withstand the responsibility of Freedom.
All of my clients here in San Francisco have one key thing in common: Overstimulation.
Quite simply, modern life has left them feeling fried, usually due to one of three reasons. They are often either Over-stuffed, Over-scheduled, or Over-informed.
Once we've decluttered their home, a fabulous step towards living a life of ease, usually part of this has involved facing the unhealthy craving for information.
A key culprit in dissatisfaction is the clutter in our minds.
Knowledge is Sexy
Information is seductive. It seems like it provides us with satisfaction.
Instead, often it feeds into a fear that we will never know enough, or that if we only know more then we'll have more control over our happiness, or that we'll be more secure in our jobs.
Sometimes this is true. Often it is not.
Fear that others will find out that we are actually not as smart as we seem can cause us to hoard information.
Our email inboxes become full of articles that we now feel guilty for not reading.
Our Twitter account shows 472 new user tweets and suddenly we scramble to scan for THE tweet that is going to change our life.
That stack of magazines in the hallway screams at us, "There is an outfit in here, a new hairstyle, and a game-changing article that will deliver you what you've always wanted: <insert husband, wife, job, awesome sex life here>."
That stack of information was supposed to bring you satisfaction! So what happened? How did the once delightful pursuit of learning new things and expanding creativity become so stressful?
Changing Your Relationship to Knowledge
To take back the reigns on your mental clarity, you only need to re-frame your orientation to the stack of papers / articles / emails looming in front of you.
Perspective: Information is no substitute for connection and relationships. At the end of your life, you will not look back and wish you read ONE MORE BOOK. I call this the "death bed reframe" -- it works to put almost all things in perspective!
Clarity: Knowledge sometimes is power, but sometimes it's just cluttering your brain.
Trust: Instead of being afraid of forgetfulness, TRUST that the necessary piece of information that will change your life will arrive right exactly when you need it.
Clean: Clear your slate. Email--Let your friends know via Facebook that you've "filed for EMAIL bankruptcy and will not be able to respond to old emails. If I'm being rude by forgetting something important in your life, kindly let me know!" Papers--clear them out!
Let Go: It is inevitable that you will let go, throw away or delete something that you'll miss. That's part of life. Accept this. It's a fact of the impermanent nature of things, and that fact that you might miss ONE thing is not a good reason to hoard 100 things that are causing you to be overstimulated!
Information Fasting
How can you know which information is good for you and which information is causing mental obesity? You have an innate ability to discern this, you just need to recover that capacity. It's called Intuition, and you have to clear the mental chatter to hear it.
And like most recovery, one prescription can be total abstinence, at least in the beginning. Stopping the flow of useless information allows your natural instincts to come forward. And often your Intuition is far more helpful than volumes of articles.
I always recommend an information / tech fast for my clients when they go on vacation. You can't really know how fried you've become by being constantly plugged into your Smartphone, iPad, Laptop, etc. until you actually unplug from it. Let go of reading non-fiction on vacation. Cultivate your imagination-- a key component of intuition-- instead by reading a novel.
Remembering Fulfillment
Fulfillment isn't limited to any one cause, but I think we would all agree that the word "peace" is closely associated with it.
And if you fear getting rid of all of that information will cause you to feel bored, it might be time to change the word "boredom" into "contentment." Doing nothing isn't boredom, it's BEING.
It's a beautiful exercise to allow yourself to return to "human being" from "human doing."
Recognizing Suffering... For What It Is, And For What It Isn't
Disappointment, embarrassment, and all of the places where we cannot feel good are a sort of death.
We've just lost our ground completely; we are unable to hold it together and feel that we're on top of things.
Rather than realizing that it takes death for there to be birth, we just fight against the fear of death.
Reaching our limit is not some kind of punishment. It's actually a sign of health that when we meet the place we are about to die, we feel fear and trembling.
But usually we don't take it as a message that it's time to stop struggling and look directly at what's threatening us.
Things like disappointment and anxiety are messages telling us we're about to go into unknown territory.
When we get what we don't want,
When we don't get what we do want,
When we become ill,
When we're getting old,
When we're dying,
When we see *any* of these things in our lives,
We can recognize suffering as suffering.
Then we can be curious, notice, and be mindful of our reactions.
Our suffering is so grounded in our fear of impermanence.
Our pain is so rooted in our lopsided view of reality.
Whoever got the idea that we could have pleasure without pain?
It's promoted rather widely in this world, and we buy it.
But pain and pleasure go together; they are inseparable.
They can be celebrated.
They are ordinary.
Birth is painful and delightful.
Death is painful and delightful.
Everything that ends is also the beginning of something else.
Pain is not a punishment; pleasure is not a reward.
--excerpt from Uncomfortable With Uncertainty by Pema Chödrön
Buddhist psychology shows us that there suffering that is a necessary part of life (old age, sickness and death);
And then there is suffering that is chosen. Specifically, we can choose our response or reaction to reality.
We can choose to be friends with old age.
We can choose to glean character and perseverance from sickness.
We can embrace death.
This is why I am a purist, and choose not to self-medicate the suffering of old age with Botox, why I choose not to medicate stress with alcohol or Xanax, why I choose not to take drugs or party my way through the ups and downs of life.
It's why I rarely take pain medication. I would rather face suffering for what it is. But it's a choice, and not a moral one, there is no perfect answer to meeting life.
Prevention
I just believe that by choosing to live life on life's terms, by choosing to face the natural suffering and vicissitudes of life, I believe I am eliminating a second form of suffering-- the suffering that resists the fact that Life Is Impermanent.
I also believe that by facing pain, it forces me to really look at the root causes of whatever suffering I may have at the time. It's not like I LOVE pain. Don't get me wrong, I take every preventative, proactive measure to promote happiness of mind, heart and body.
If it's body pain, maybe I need more exercise, healthier food, or acupuncture. If it's emotional pain, probably time to set a boundary, face denial, or shed light on a blind spot. If it's mental pain, I can weed out the destructive thoughts, meditate and practice gratitude.
Generally, preventing suffering means leaning on community, cultivating love, setting boundaries with energy drains, keeping my mind, body & heart cleaned out from clutter.
Suppressing Pain
And I also believe when I suppress my experience of pain, I also suppress my experience of pleasure. Psychologists often cite research showing that we cannot suppress one feeling without suppressing all of them. Numbing pain, it seems, also numbs happiness.
I don't judge those who chose otherwise, who chose to medicate. Life as a purist can be intense, and perhaps it's not right in all situations for all people.
Some people think I'm crazy for facing the amount of adversity that I have had in my life and never touching a single form of elicit drugs. They simply cannot imagine holding that much pain.
To them, my choices seem like a form of repression. And that's ok for them. It's more than ok, actually. It's perfect.
Equaniminity
There is a time and a place for all things, and we are all doing the very best that we can. I really believe that.
I'll say it again, because it's worth repeating:
We are really all doing the very best that we can. REALLY.
However we choose to face the vicissitudes of life is exactly where we need to be today. That's not New Age dithering. I find great comfort in that axiom.
May all beings be happy.
May all beings be at ease.
May all beings have body happiness (health).
May all beings have mental happiness (joy).
May all beings be free from suffering.
And by everything I mean: 1800 square feet full of furniture, 4 closets full of clothes, a car, a dog, a cat, my grandmother Potoo's piano, a premium juicer, 55 pairs of shoes, an eclectic collection of art--including 3 huge murals.
AND my collection of jeans. Jeans. I could write a love letter to the jeans I left behind...
I sold or donated everything except what could fit in 2 boxes and a backpack.
During that landmark Saturday yard sale in 2005, while my friends rallied around me to haggle with buyers, I sat in the shock of letting go of my favorite things-- not the junk, my *favorite things.*
Sister Ruth later asked, "Why did you get rid of everything? Why didn't you just put it in storage?"
I decided it was a cleansing ritual. Part of the process of choosing a new way of well-being meant letting go of the accoutrements of the past. It was an experience unto itself.
"Why would you punish yourself by going to a monastery," a Catholic acquaintance asked? It was ironic how my Catholic friends were the most indignant about me going to a Benedictine monastery. Everyone else was first shocked, then later supportive. Catholics seemed to have associate the monastic life with pain.
When the kinetic force of your life suddenly stops on it's on accord, turns away from the direction of material success, and then one day turns toward a vastly different trajectory, it is virtually impossible to ignore the winds of change.
And so it was with going to the monastery for the 8-month meditation sabbatical.
After all of the things were gone, it felt amazing.
I can still remember the feeling of buoyancy, how the chatter in my mind disappeared once my things were gone.
Since I was 28 at the time, some might have called it a Quarter Life Crisis. Or a Saturn Return. For me it was an awakening of joy.
But it is much easier to let go when you know that you are choosing something else much better to take it's place. I was choosing contentment.
It wasn't exactly "liquidation," a term which in some sense infers defeat, surrender to a debt crisis.
Instead, I was trading physical things for: lightness of being, clarity, peace, spiritual intimacy. Freedom from physical attachments. The richness of an experience re-oriented toward compassion. A relentless desire to return to innocence, or a "beginner's mind."
Pema Chodron's book, "Comfortable With Uncertainty," is a salve to the cuts and scrapes of the heart and mind.
I find her economy of speech to be refreshing, as she gently points out optional suffering and it's causes.
This excerpt is from #23 - The Facts of Life: Egolessness
"Egolessness means that the fixed idea that we have about ourselves as solid and separate from each other is painfully limiting. That we take ourselves so seriously, that we are so absurdly important in our own minds, is a problem. Self-importance is like a prison for us, limiting us to the world of our likes and dislikes. We end up bored to death with ourselves and our world. We end up very dissatisfied.
"In the most ordinary terms, egolessness is a flexible identity. It manifests as inquisitiveness, as adaptability, as humor, as playfulness. It is our capacity to relax with not knowing, not figuring everything out, with not being at all sure about who we are, or who anyone else is, either. Every moment is unique, unknown, completely fresh. Egolessness is a cause of joy rather than a cause of fear." (p. 45-46)
Many a 30-something single person identifies with taking oneself too seriously, particularly in a city like San Francisco, full of movers and shakers-- many who are creating real, beautiful change in the world.
The collective momentum of ambition can be intoxifying. It can be all too easy to be swept up in comparison with peers.
It's not considered suffering. It's considered a necessary function of success.
Perfectionism, being hard on ourselves, comparison-- all are considered useful motivators in our culture. But what about after we reach the carrot we've been seeking, when we get the things we've been looking for and find that we are still not satisfied?
I would guess that the Buddha might tell us today that pursuing our careers with Right Intention is part of the natural unfolding of life, and can be a source of happiness. Yet the ego is perhaps less useful-- and prevents Simplicity from reigning in our lives--- in these scenarios:
Attachment to What People Think - Once upon a time it served us to please others. It's a great mechanism for getting a promotion, for example. However, we can get so caught up in our image management strategies that our organic desires, happiness & spontaneity begin to be filtered through the "What People Might Think" concept instead of the "I Am 34 And I Will Only Do Exactly What Makes Me Happy Because Damnit That's What I Waited To Be An Adult For" filter.
Attachment to Identity - We can become so attached to our professional identity (lawyer, doctor, therapist, techie, engineer, dog walker) that we suppress and ignore and even power-cocktail-through the subtle nudges of our inner self. Instead of focusing on our internal satisfaction, contentment or real happiness, we can ultimately become more attached to the ego's machinations of a title, income level, lifestyle, vacations, masters degree, etc. Or worse, we can value these attachments above love and its glorious formless, intangible, subtle states of being.
Attachment to Egolessness - Becoming attached to the spiritual path is no less of a hindrance to happiness. This is my poison pill. I can become so invested in the interior life and cultivating states of awareness and attenuated feeling states that I can use it as an excuse to avoid choosing life. My experience has been that the longer I meditate, the trickier my ego becomes, hiding in newer and more creative rooms of my mind.
It is an ongoing process, awakening to the attachments of the ego. And it doesn't necessarily mean letting go of Stuff.
It can mean holding all of the Stuff without fantasy or illusion of it being a source of happiness.
It can mean keeping life and outsourcing the anxiety created by our attachments, letting go of the games we play with ourselves in our mind-- which, frankly, no one cares about but ourselves.
And we can exchange all those games with.... I dunno- Nothing. Empty space.
