Single Mama Drama

The Trials & Tribulations of the Single Mom

[singlemamadrama]

Don’t Lose Yourself

It feels like it’s been years of winter up here. Stuck inside, windows closed, heat on, and nothing to do. Today, the Heavens opened up and delivered not only sunlight, but warm weather too. It’s funny how much your mood can change strictly based off of the weather. The last few days have been tough, why? I don’t know. The weather? Could be. Depression? Most likely. All I know is, how I’ve been feeling isn’t me. At all. I’ve been through “breakups” after my divorce many a time, very similar to this one, and it’s frustrating to see how this “breakup” affected me the most. Maybe it was because I opened up to him almost instantaneously about my son’s autism, or the hell I went through in my marriage, or maybe it’s because we were intimate. I can’t positively say which factor lead to my current demise, but this one is going in the books as a major lesson learned.

When I first started dating after my divorce, I felt empowered, strong, independent, nothing could stop me. No breakup would defeat me. After a few failed relationships, I went on a dating hiatus and invested my time and energy into me, my kids, and my life. It started out as a wonderful, an empowering feeling, knowing I could do everything on my own: get a job, buy a house, support my kids, all on my own without any help from my ex. After a while, being single was a part of my life, it felt normal, I could honestly say that I thought I was content with myself and being single, until HE came around. It was unexpected, and I immediately thought, ‘they always say you find love at the most unexpected times,’ and I thought maybe this one was it. I got so wrapped up in that fantasy that I completely ignored all the red flags (which I never did when I first started dating). He was in the process of starting a divorce. The papers hadn’t even been filed yet. His wife still lived at home with him, but because he took the time to ask questions about me, seemed to genuinely want to know about me and was interested, I allowed it to happen. Little did I know I’d gotten myself sucked into a black hole that would destroy everything I had worked on on myself.

I felt needy, like I constantly needed attention and reassurance from him. I can admit that I’ve always been one to strive for attention, but I was more needy than usual; this came about as a surprise because I had been so content by myself just days/weeks before. Why was I being like this? Every single day seemed to revolve around talking to him; just waiting for a text from him gave me anxiety, it made me overthink everything. If I didn’t hear from him first thing in the morning I’d question why. Why didn’t he text me? Did I say or do something wrong? Is he not interested in me anymore? So many thoughts flooded my head on a daily basis I was drowning. I was losing myself.

After about a month of talking, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I had developed such strong feelings for him but felt completely neglected at the same time. I couldn’t keep putting myself through the constant ups and downs of it all. I wrote him a long text explaining how I had developed feelings for him even though we decided at the beginning that things would remain casual, and that I just couldn’t keep doing what we were doing without getting hurt. I lasted five days without talking to him before I reached out to him again. Things started back up again, pretty much leaving off where we left them. The feeling of neglect and wanting attention almost instantaneously came back, and the feeling of depression sunk in. I stuck it out for another two months. He usually came to see me every couple of mornings before he went to work. This particular morning he did not, and I was upset. My feelings, my emotions, they were taking over, and I wasn’t processing things rationally. I felt like if he wanted to see me, he would have stopped by that morning, but he didn’t, so I equated that to him not wanting to see me. I ignored him the rest of the day. Didn’t text him back for an entire day. When I finally felt like I had taken some time to myself to collect my thoughts, I messaged him, and to my dismay, I got no response back. I was heartbroken. I poured my heart out to him and I got radio silence. Something I wasn’t expecting. I deleted his number and blocked him from all my social media accounts. I needed to be free from it all.

I was a mess at work that night, just constantly overthinking what I did and said that would make him not respond back to me. My skin was crawling, I just wanted to run home and climb into bed and have a good crying session. But wait. It’s not high school anymore. I’m a mom. A single one at that that has to provide for my kids. Throwing my hands up and going home and crying wasn’t an option. I took a moment to collect myself in the bathroom and then sat at my desk like a miserable soul.

The next day I told one of my coworkers (the girl who set us up) what had happened between us. I opened up to her about how I had developed feelings for him and that I was heartbroken over him not responding to me. She (not knowing this at the time) ACTED like she was compassionate towards me, but what she did later that night showed just how much of a backstabbing cunt she really was. He called up (we work together at the same department), and instead of just taking whatever information he had to pass on to us, she began to make small talk with him on the phone, asking him how he’s been, how the kids were doing. I couldn’t believe it. I was in total awe, and had to “take a break” before I knocked her teeth out.

I’ve taken the last few days to just reflect on everything that happened this past week. It takes so much more energy to go out of your way to hurt somebody and it takes nothing to breathe in the fresh air and genuinely enjoy everything around you. Peace is so easy to find and accept if you just let it happen; and today I experienced that, for the first time in a long time. I thanked God for allowing me to wake up today, for letting me experience this, and for bringing me back to my core.

Of course I’m still hurt about everything that happened, but at the same time I’ve been freed of the feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and constant overthinking. I can finally be myself again. But at the same time, that lingering feeling of wanting closure was still looming over me. I had a moment of weakness and texted him. No response. Texted him again explaining what had been going on with my son and that I just needed someone to talk to. He listened, and he responded, but he also stated that this was not the time for us to have a conversation about what happened between us. Yes, I know I need to tend to my son first, and get all his behavioral issues dealt with before I can even begin to function like a normal person again, but him as a distraction in those moments were what I missed. I said ok, and I left it at that. I feel like it was some form of closure, but it still left me questioning things. I can’t force him to talk to me. Maybe one day he’ll reach out to me, maybe he won’t, but I have to move on for my own sanity. I don’t know if it was me or if it was him that brought me to such a negative place, but I know enough that I don’t ever want to be in that headspace again. Each day seems to be getting easier, but there are always those points during the day where I feel like I get punched with the overwhelming feeling of sadness.

Maybe I don’t want to deal with anything else that’s going wrong in my life and I used him as a distraction just as much as he used me. Maybe this is causing me to really start to focus on my son and his autism, my family, and my personal growth. There’s a lot of maybes, but nothing is certain in life. So I’ll take this as it is, a learning experience, and focus on what’s best for me and my kids. This is single mom life. It’s never going to be easy, there are going to be constant ups and downs, countless lessons learned, but this is life, and you only get to live it once.

[singlemamadrama]

I Didn't Go to College to Go to High School

I have officially put myself in timeout in what we like to call the “quiet room” at work; and I can tell you it’s a good thing this room has windows, otherwise I’d feel like more of a psych patient than I feel like at this PLACE. This place gets to me. Moreover, the PEOPLE here get to me, and I have found that I am needing to take breaks more often just to keep my sanity. I am stuck with the same group of people eight hours a day, five to six days a week. I see these passive-aggressive assholes more than I see my own family, and it’s bullshit. Work would at least be tolerable if the people I worked with weren’t such cunts, but we don’t live in a perfect world, and I work with cunts.

The challenge has become how to deal with the childishness day in and day out. My favorite new saying is, “I didn’t go to college to go to high school,” and there is SO much truth to that. It’s disappointing to know that I went to college to get a higher education only to end up having to deal with high school drama. They didn’t teach any of this in college!

As a result of all the drama as of late, I have become a pathetic self-help seeker by googling how to deal with terrible co-workers. Judge all you want, but I found some great tips to help me from boiling over:

“Remember, happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone or anything else that much power over your life.” This is true, but probably one of the biggest concepts I have struggled with in many aspects of my life. I have always depended on OTHER PEOPLE for my happiness and my mood which consequently affects how I feel every day. Unfortunately, this downfall has projected into my work life and has become exhausting.

“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” My job in itself is inherently stressful, so added stress from co-works does not help. Insert coping mechanisms here.

“Don’t complain about it; complaining is a mindless habit.” This is something new that I have vowed to adopt. I challenged myself to not complain for an entire day and I was surprised to see how much less stress I experienced throughout the day. This is something that I think will probably benefit me the most.

“Keep your distaste to yourself.” I think we have all learned this the hard way at one point or another. We confide in somebody we think is on our side and they consequently repeat to others what we said. This falls along the lines of not complaining, so the benefits associated with such would be advantageous. Again, this one is still a work in progress.

“You can’t control the things that happen to you, but you can control how you react.” This. THIS is a work in progress. I have to admit, in all my single mama drama, I brought the drama to work the other day when I got into a verbal altercation with THE biggest cunt that I work with. One thing I cannot stand, tattle-tailing as an ADULT. There is nothing more petty than that, and I had had my fill that day and spoke up. That led to her raising her voice and me following suit. I am not proud of my reaction, but it happened, and the only thing I can do is move forward and focus on myself.

“Go get your "you time” after an incident. This is a must. There is no way in hell that I would be able to perform my job adequately after having a confrontation with somebody. Being able to walk away after my verbal altercation the other day and having time to reflect on the situation saved me from having diarrhea of the mouth again.

“Practice a relaxation method daily.” This is probably going to be the most important exercise that will keep my anger at bay and me from beating somebody’s ass at work, literally. I have never been one to take many breaks during my shift, but I am slowly beginning to realize that I am going to HAVE to start taking them in order to keep myself sane in the asylum that I work in.

“Realize maintaining your peace of mind and good mood is something you can get better and better at.” Practice makes perfect, right?

“Rise above.” Another difficult task that lies ahead. Sometimes it feels like I have to do this more than most people do in a single eight hour shift.

“What we do today improves all of our tomorrows.” Most powerful one yet. Completely true on all levels. I’ve noticed that the way I handle any given day will have a direct effect on the following day. If I practice the advice I have found, I am much more likely to slowly improve my sanity and well-being.

With all of that said, I am pouring myself a glass of wine and cheersing to not a “new me,” but an IMPROVED me.

[singlemamadrama]

Braggers are not Winners

Social media, the one place that you can always count on for over exaggerated bullshit. My favorite and equally annoying group of social media whores are whom I like to call the Stepford Wives. They jump at the opportunity to post anything related to their conceptualized perfect home life or family unit. I love the women who feel the need to post at least one daily selfie with their significant other. I have my sense of vision and a fairly good memory and I can clearly see that you are still the "happy" couple in the same farmer-and-the-pitchfork pose that you were in yesterday (insert gag here). So PLEASE, stop the madness and QUIT BRAGGING! You are not the only one out there in a seemingly happy relationship. Instead, you should take the opportunity to humble yourself because those that overcompensate are the ones lacking the most; the more you have to prove that you have a great relationship, the less your likelihood of actually having one. I always find amusement in posts where the women are overly praising their significant others for completing the most medial of tasks: "my husband made our bed this morning," along with a heart emoji and a picture of a made bed. Take it down a notch Stepford Wife. Is this really how low our expectations are of men that we have now started praising them for doing a chore? I must be back in the Twilight Zone again, because this, this is ridiculous. Or how about a round of applause for the husband who made his wife a pot of coffee in the morning. Is it that time consuming and complicated to put water and coffee grounds into the coffee maker? Ladies, if these are the ONLY things that you can compliment your partner on, you're overcompensating; and if these significant actions hold such a high value, what ARE you expecting of your other half? Obviously not enough. I am a big advocate of fifty-fifty relationships. I used to be a stay at home mom (not by choice) while my (ex) husband worked. He was rarely home, but when he was, his expectations of me were unreasonable. In addition to taking care of two small children, I was expected to have the interior of the house flawless, have laundry completed and put away, have dinner cooking on the stove, and be readily available to him for anything else he may have needed. And let me tell you, I WAS the aforementioned woman who overtly praised my husband for doing a load of laundry or making dinner. THESE are the women who are genuinely unhappy in their marriage (whether they are willing to admit it or not) and have set such low expectations that making a bed is praise-worthy! I can spot a fake, so stop bragging and raise your standards. ✌🏻

[singlemamadrama]

Learn From My Mistakes

"[...] learn from my mistakes. It takes half your life to learn from your own." This quote perfectly summarizes my thoughts on my (ex) sister-in-law's pregnancy. She publicly made the cliche announcement on social media today that she was expecting. I already knew that she was via a phone conversation with my ex-husband, but had not been "officially" advised until today. I am still finding it hard to bite my tongue and keep my opinions to myself. So here I am, about to have explosive word vomit all over my blog because I cannot express my opinion anywhere else! But before my rant begins, I have to inform you of the history into the extensive relationship issues that my ex's family had and still does have. His dad has an anger issue for what seems like his entire life. This, of course, transpired into his marriage with my ex's mom, obviously causing problems between the two. Eventually, one or both (nobody knows to this day) of them cheated on the other, and got divorced. This is EXACTLY what ensued in my marriage. Clearly, history repeats itself. Now, my sister-in-law, at the young age of twenty (when I got pregnant with my first child,) is expecting a baby. I spent my twenty-first birthday three months pregnant, unable to enjoy being a "legal" adult like many of my friends were. Yes, I know I made all of these choices on my own accord, but that does not mean that I still do not regret them. I will never regret my children, but I do regret the age I had them. I never truly got to enjoy my twenties. While all of my friends were having the time of their lives in college, graduating, getting their first "real" jobs and renting their first apartments, I was already a mother finding myself taking care of my child ninety-nine percent of the time while my ex resumed his normal lifestyle. I don't want this for my sister-in-law, and I can already predict the outcome of it, because history will repeat itself once more. A little intro into the, we'll say, interesting, partner my sister-in-law chose to mate with: he is ex-military, and yes, I say ex-military because he was dishonorably discharged for going AWOL from the Army for months. It turns out he was hiding out at my sister-in-laws house to spend time with his mother while she was awaiting a conviction and sentence for committing murder! The fuck? Am I in the Twilight Zone?! There must be something spectacularly intriguing about him that clearly outshines the "what the fuck's" people are asking about this guy for my sister-in-law to keep him around or for my in-laws to approve of the relationship! What blows my mind is that her family's response has been accepting and congratulatory. WHY?! Of all people, her mom and dad should want better for her, considering she is following in the footsteps of them both; but I guess I am the only person who can see this as an outsider. History is repeating itself yet again, and I am just an innocent bystander forced to watch it all come crumbling down. I wish she was able to see that the same pattern of behavior and decisions that caused the failure of both her parents' and brother's marriage is what she has fallen into. I do not agree with it one bit, and I wish that I could openly have this conversation with her, but I can't. I hope and pray that her boyfriend proves me wrong, but I feel my opinion is realistic given the circumstances. Unfortunately, at this point there is no conversation or heeds of warning that can be given because what is done is done. All I can do is hope for the best, sit back, and detach myself from the situation because I am no longer an active member of that family. I have my own family to raise and worry about, and I can only hope that I raise them well enough to make better decisions than I did.

[singlemamadrama]

No naps, working all the time, no social life -- couldn't have said it better myself!

[singlemamadrama]

I Could Do Without the Passive Aggressiveness

Can we PLEASE take a second to talk about how much I HATE people who are passive aggressive?! The ultimate breeding ground for passive aggressiveness is by far social media, the destruction of mankind as we know it. But damnit, it’s so addicting I cannot live without it!

Usually I am the one to sit back and watch the drama unfold because who doesn’t like a little entertainment in their lives? It’s ALWAYS between two people who absolutely hate each other but will not openly admit it so they post passive aggressive, cryptic quotes open for overthought interpretation. Sure, it’s entertaining to watch at first, but after a while it becomes annoying and straight up fake. How does one live that way for SO long?! I don’t get it. Maybe that’s just my personality, but if this so-called “feud” has continued for that long, wouldn’t you just love to finally open the flood gates and say, “hey, you’re a prick and I can’t stand you.” Sounds a lot easier to me!

So in light of this post, I have to explain my own issues I’m having with passive aggressive people. I cannot even post that I am excited about watching a thunderstorm in THE MIDDLE OF WINTER without someone posting their passive aggressive opinion of, “people that get excited about weather like this, I just don’t get,” along with pictures of tornado ridden homes. Well, that escalated quickly. I was unaware that my like of watching thunderstorms meant that I got some sort of sick amusement out of people’s homes and lives being destroyed. The fuck? Before I knew it the word vomit had already begun. How could I NOT respond to this?! You literally just questioned my character and made me sound like a twisted masochist that enjoys the torture and demise of others. Not allowed. I would like to think my reply back to this post was direct and to the point, but there is a ninety percent chance that it sounded bitchy, and you know what? I DON’T CARE! You cannot be passive aggressive and expect that NOBODY will say anything, because somebody will.

So to all the passive aggressive assholes out there – grow a pair. If you have something to say to someone, just say it!

[singlemamadrama]

Keeping Casual Sex Casual

We all reach that monumental moment in single motherhood where our needs are too prominent to ignore. It took me a while to get over my ex-husband, and it took even longer to get over our sex life, because....well, we still had one even after the divorce. I'm not ashamed to say we did because we were married for eight years, and having sex with someone other than him still didn't feel right. After a while, though, I realized that continuing our sexual relationship was not healthy or beneficial to me moving on, so I had to put a halt to it. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but as the weeks and months went on, I was not so sure about it. I still was in that awkward phase of post-divorce where I wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with myself or the idea of having sex with somebody other than the person I had been with for the last eight years. However, one night, after having a glass or two of wine (because single motherhood and why not?) I was talking to an old friend. He wanted to come over, and even though I was a little hesitant I pushed myself and agreed to it. We sat on the couch and talked for a bit before he placed his hand on my leg. I almost lost my shit because I hadn't had ANY kind of physical contact with a man for months. In my mind I'm thinking, 'what do I do now?! Do I touch him back? Do I ignore it? Do I just wait to see where this goes?' I didn't have much time to think because his hand kept inching closer to, you know, "down there." I had a microsecond of a freak out thinking, 'shit, this is really going to happen!' And before I knew it, he was undressing me....and it happened. My immediate thoughts after were pure confusion. I wasn't sure how to feel. It was...different. I had been so accustomed to a certain style, feeling, and expectations for the past eight years, that having a completely different experience was, well, different. It was a good different, and it did the job, but the awkward 'what do we do now' moment interrupted my thoughts. He was sitting there watching television. I thought these "casual" encounters were supposed to go home after the deed was done! I was in no way, shape or form interested in carrying on a conversation, snuggling or doing weird things that couples do. I wanted to enjoy the lasting effects of this new transition in solitude. So I did what any unfiltered person would do, I said, 'you can leave now.' And damnit, he was polite about it! He reassured me that he was only leaving because I had asked him to, not because he was blowing me off. So now I looked like an ass. But hey, this is a new learning curve for me, so I'm going to cut myself some slack. The great part about this all? It was CASUAL! I didn't feel any certain type of way towards him, I didn't want to call or text him the next day. I was just happy in the moment. And as weird as this may sound, I was proud of myself for taking that leap. This was just another step toward rebuilding myself.

[singlemamadrama]

As if Being a Single Mom isn't Stressful Enough

When people ask me, 'what do you do for a living,' I always pause because I can never answer with one specific job title. Though the technical term is a 911 Telecommunicator, there is so much more to the job than just answering 911 lines. In addition to answering emergency phone calls, I am answering non-emergency phone calls, transmitting and copying radio transmissions for both the police and fire departments (sometimes while on an emergency call,) giving emergency medical pre-arrival instructions to callers, countless administrative duties like entering warrants into the system, and carrying on a conversation with three to four coworkers at any given time. To say the least, this job keeps me busy, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am here, ready for whatever awaits me on the other side of that 911 call. I've had angry callers, sad callers, scared callers and happy callers. I've had caller who have locked themselves out of their cars, callers that have lost their pet, callers who have been in a car accident, callers who have a sick loved one, callers who found their loved ones deceased, and I've had callers that I have heard take their last breath. This is definitely not a job for the faint of heart, and you learn to cope with the "losses" you endure on your phone calls. Though it may not be the best of coping mechanisms, we all have adapted to somewhat emotionless beings where we force ourselves to push our feelings aside. We also surprisingly have a contagious, yet sometimes dark, sense of humor, which I find is the best coping mechanism of them all. So yes, as if having to raise two children on my own as a single mom wasn't stressful enough, I have chosen a career field that bombards me with stressful situations day in and day out. But you know what? I'm strong because I am a single mom, and if you can handle that, you can surely handle anything else.

[singlemamadrama]

No, I Can't get Together and This is Why

Dear blissfully unwitting friends,

I am not being antisocial, ignorant, or purposely avoiding you when I say that I am not able to get together with you. I am a single mom of two children trying to keep my shit together while holding down a full-time job; when in all actuality, taking care of and raising two kids is already a full-time job. In the most basic of terms, I have two full-time jobs that take precedence over anything else in my life because I am trying to survive.

Yes, it takes two people to make children, but you cannot always assume the other half is around or willing to help out; and in my case, he’s not. But thank God for good parents, because mine were willingly forced into picking up the slack and babysitting my kids so I am afforded the ability to go to work and provide for my household of three. However, just because my parents are willingly present to watch my children, it does not mean that I am able to live the carefree lifestyle of a twenty-something in the prime of their life. It means that when I am not at work, I am at home cooking for my kids, bathing my kids, spending what little time I do have with my kids, cleaning up after my kids, and if my work hours allow me, putting my kids to bed so my parents can salvage what little time they have left of their free time.

So next time your response to me is “sigh,” when I reply back to you that I am unable to get together, please understand that this is the reason why. I am not angry at you for your response and I do not blame you for not understanding, but this is my reality, whether I chose it or not, so please respect that.

[singlemamadrama]

Old Habits Die Hard

Due to mine and my ex's current situation, he resides in Texas and I reside with my children in Illinois. Though it is quite freeing to be over a thousand miles away from him, I can't say that I'm completely content with the fact that my children are also so far away from him. He tries to visit as often as possible, though it's been a struggle financially; that's why I allow him to stay with me whenever he is able to visit. Despite the hell that he put me through the last couple of years, I still have a heart! When it comes down to it, I almost, kind of, sort of, feel bad for him. I built a life for myself and my children and he, unfortunately, is having a harder time doing so. I offer my home to him so that he is afforded as much time as possible with the kids (not to mention being around to help take care of them during the morning and night hours). However, with that comes the awkward moments of being around each other when the kids are asleep or playing by themselves. It generally takes a few days for me to warm up to him before I'm even at the point of entertaining the idea of spending time with him. The last time he visited we ended up having a movie night with each other two nights in a row. By the second night it started to get too comfortable and I had to create my distance again. Now we're at the point where it's too awkward to just "hang out" and watch television like old times, but if we start to have a conversation it ends up turning into an argument. It's frustrating because I can't seem to find a happy medium of what's appropriate in regards to spending time with each other. Old habits die hard, I guess. One thing I have learned is that at this stage of our relationship, or lack thereof, spending time ALONE is not an option. We are both still adjusting to the divorce and the ultimate demise of our relationship. We are no longer joined together by our love for each other, but rather joined together for the love of our children and the need to co-parent. I am glad, and dare I say it, even proud of myself for identifying the boundaries that I need to set in place in order to move on and have a healthy co-parenting relationship with my ex. Everything gets easier as time goes on. I am confident that this weird dynamic we are struggling with will become second nature and that we will be able to develop a healthy parenting relationship with each other.

[singlemamadrama]

I am so excited for this upcoming year that I HAD to buy my new Erin Condren Life Planner © ahead of time!

[singlemamadrama]

Work In Progress: Balancing Work, Kids & Life

The "working single mom," a phrase that is uncommonly heard of in such a "family friendly" town as the one I live in. In a town where streets are lined with families walking, biking, and playing, I feel a bit "odd mom out." Sure, I can do the same thing with my children, EXCEPT working shift work, cleaning, getting laundry done, cooking, bathing the kids, and making sure homework is done pretty much takes up all of the "leisure" time I have with my kids. I've come to realize that most families in this town consist of two-parent households where the husbands work and the wives take care of the children. Even though the husbands work, they still contribute as a second set of hands to help take care of the children and other medial chores that have to be completed on a daily basis. For me, it's literally just me, doing the work of what feels like an ENTIRE STAFF! How do I keep up?! Wine; and lots of it! The hardest part about working and being a single mom is learning how to balance it all. Balancing work, school activities, appointments, daily routines at home, and TRYING to have a social life. Sometimes, I don't know how I manage; in fact, if I'm honest, I DON'T manage at times. But you know what? That's alright. We are all guilty of having too much on our plates at times, and I'm not ashamed to say that I am one of them. It's a learning process. I've learned that routines are inevitable AND NECESSARY! I've also learned that planning ahead is a MUST. If my day is not somewhat loosely structured, items that need to get done on my agenda slip through the cracks. In fact, my new best friend has become the Erin Condren Life Planner ©. It lives up to its name because it literally plans out my life on a daily, monthly, and yearly basis, and it's PERFECT! I've also found that I've had a harder time fitting in around here, most likely due to my wavering navigation into single parenthood. In public places, especially school settings, I tend to see the most two-parent families. These are the places I feel the most anxiety because I feel as though I've got a big sign on my back that says, "Hey! Look at me! My marriage failed and I'm a single mom!" It's almost like a sense of inadequacy where I am envisioning people questioning me with their eyes of how I could possibly raise two decent children without being a two-parent family. Yes, I know, I am seventy-eight percent sure this is all in my head, but sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. I am a work in progress.

[singlemamadrama]

[singlemamadrama]

Single Mama Drama — an intro to the Single Mom Behind it all

"My name is Sarah, and I'm a single mom." "Hi Sarrrrah." The first step to recovery is admitting I'm a single mom and proud of it! There are so many new and interesting experiences to this part of my life, which I couldn't imagine not documenting -- thus the "Let's Wine About it" blog was created, because life as a single mom is tough, and wine is a MUST! A little background into my trip down the aisle to divorce and single motherhood -- I married when I was only twenty years old, against the advice of my parents. Sorry Mom and Dad! I guess parents DO know best. My ex-husband was serving in the Marine Corps, so life among the military was fast-paced. You got married, you had kids, and you inevitably got divorced in the course of only a few years. The first two milestones, marriage and a child, happened within the first two years of meeting each other. I managed to hang on to the latter part for a few more years. All in all, we spent four years of our marriage in the military, managed through two deployments and countless moves, and ultimately ended up in my ex-husband's home state of Texas. The first year out of the military was promising for my ex. He had embarked on a new career path in commercial diving, and was making a good living, so much so that I was able to quit my job and care for my now, two small children. We bought our first house together and welcomed our second child a year and a half after we moved to Texas. However, as wonderful as my marriage may have sounded, it was rocky from the start. Trust issues were the core of our problems, as we both entered the relationship with a lack of trust for each other based on previous relationships. Unfortunately, we carried that through the duration of our marriage. By the time we had moved to Texas, my resentment towards my then, husband, had grown to a point where I was questioning why I continued to stay in my marriage. Arguments became an everyday occurrence. As our marriage slowly began to crumble, my ex suffered a major setback at work after getting injured on a worksite. Due to his injury, he was out of work for weeks, and was only making a portion of the money he would have normally made on contracted jobs. Money, as in every relationship, caused even more tension between us. My ex husband's history of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) became painfully obvious when he began to abuse his pain medications and alcohol after his work-related injury. He became a completely different person, and I didn't know how to handle it. During this battle, he made the unfortunate choice of cheating on me. Afterwards, he would often become unreliable and violent, to the point where the violence required police to intervene. Ultimately, divorce was inevitable due to the recent circumstances. I packed as many personal belongings as I could into the trunk of my four door sedan, loaded my kids into the car and made the trip to my parent's house in Illinois. I never looked back after that. And it was at that very moment that single motherhood began. I entered my parent's house with three suitcases, two children, and nothing else. It was time to take on a new chapter of my life, whether I was ready or not.