Dating
Let's talk about dating. I've been keeping it casual for the time being. Firstly, I don't want to bring my son around "Every Joe, Dick, and Harry" or so they say. I want to wait until I see a potential future with a guy, or wait until we've dated for over a month or two to introduce my son. I haven't had a lot of luck, and I don't want to jump the gun. I'm sure you know the feeling. So far, I've talked to maybe a hand full of men, and it seems to be ending after two to three dates.
First guy: aspiring film maker. I went to school with his younger sister and we really got each other at first, but soon realized he was mostly talk and no action. Said he'd be patient and that he was a true, honest guy. The normal bull-sh*t. He stopped talking to me after our fourth date, probably because I said I wouldn't sleep with him until I was sure I wanted a relationship.
Second guy: A security guard in training to be a police officer. I met him through mutual friends on facebook. We went on a few dates, and he was a really nice guy. Extremely safe and boring. Good on paper kind of guy. After our second date, we had a third planned but I canceled because my sitter fell through and he got overly upset about it. So, I kicked him to curb. If you can't understand that I'm a mother first, there's no point of us even trying. Sorry, buddy.
Right now, I'm talking to two different guys (scandalous, I know) First one, I've been talking to for three months. He's an engineer for an oil and gas company and travels a lot so we face time and talk on the phone mostly. We've gone on a couple dates when he's in town. I really like him, a lot.. But I don't want to rush anything. Second guy, I actually had a fling with years ago and he wasn't that great of guy at the time. We had fun, but as a serious suitor.. I never thought of him as boyfriend/husband material. He called me about a month ago, saying he wanted to hang out again and try something different this time. So I'm giving him a second chance. So far, so good. But we'll see. I'll keep ya'll posted.
One thing I don't think people get, is how hard it is to date when you're a single parent. When you're just a single woman (no child) you date guys, you're getting to know each other and seeing if you two mesh well together, and then after dating for awhile, you take more and more steps in the relationship. You get to know the in and outs of that person; emotionally and physically. You two become a unit, right? Well, when you're a single parent, you don't have the freedom that a non-parent would. I would think that goes without saying, but these days there are some single parents that do. Single parents who meet someone, they go on a few dates and get to know each other. But we skip the honeymoon stage a lot of the times. Because you're not just looking for a mate, you're looking for someone who will be a good role model for your child. It's not a two person until, it's more than that. Not everyone can handle that. It's a lot of pressure. You want to include your kid, because they're apart of you.. and they're part of the package. And if they can't handle it, there's no point at continuing it whatsoever. In my situation, I may not bring my son around these guys, but I talk about him all the time and make them feel like the know me not only as a human being but as a mother, too. I think that's important. There are moments, though. Where I feel myself being more of the mom-me than just me. And I don't want to attract men who are looking for someone to be their mother. I'm already someone's mother, I don't need to be sleeping with someone who's looking for another mommy.
Fathers seem to have way more freedom then mothers. Mainly because in most situations the mother has the child more often, therefor the father usually has more time for a relationship. (No offense to fathers) I also know some single moms, who go out just as much as they did before they had a child, because they live with their parents and they watch them until all hours of the night. Every so often, yes.. We all deserve a night out. But not all of us have that luxury. I don't get nights off, I get a few hours off to go see a movie and get some dinner. I'm not going to lie, sometimes a few hours on a Friday night isn't enough. But I made the choice when I got pregnant, to put my child before myself. So, I deal. We all do.
It's really hard. I analyze much more than before when it comes to relationships. It feels like work sometimes. But I keep telling myself, it'll happen when it's supposed to. And if never does, I'm ok with being a single mom for the rest of my life. I don't want that, but if that happens.. Then that must be the way it's supposed to. As long as my son is brought up with love whether it's just me, or love from another male figure and myself.. I'm just going to ride this roller coaster and go with the flow of the journey.