Grief comes in many forms. We’re often taught that grief only follows death—but in truth, grief is far more complex than that. As writers, understanding the many faces of grief can help us craft scenes with deeper authenticity and emotional resonance.
In this post, we’ll explore different types of grief to help you write characters who feel real, layered, and human.
Grieving the Living
Grief doesn’t only come from death. You can grieve someone who’s still alive.
- A breakup, whether romantic or platonic, can leave someone mourning the version of the relationship they once had.
- Estrangement from family can feel like a living loss—especially when the person is still physically present but emotionally gone.
This kind of grief is often overlooked, but it can be just as devastating as bereavement.
Grieving While Alive
Sometimes, grief comes from within.
When someone is in a dark emotional or mental space, just existing can feel like a burden. They may grieve the life they thought they’d have, the person they used to be, or the hope they’ve lost.
It might sound strange, but for someone in pain, every breath can feel like a reminder of what’s missing. This kind of grief is deeply personal and often invisible—but it’s real.
Grieving a Part of Yourself
Another form of grief that’s rarely discussed is the loss of a part of one’s body or identity.
- Losing a limb, a sense (like sight or hearing), or even a career-defining ability can trigger intense grief.
- It’s not just about physical loss—it’s about mourning what you used to be able to do, and who you were before.
This kind of grief can lead to depression, identity crises, and a long journey of adaptation and healing.
Why This Matters in Storytelling
Grief is not one-size-fits-all. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal.
By exploring the many dimensions of grief, you can write characters who feel authentic and relatable. Readers connect with stories that reflect their own experiences—even the ones they’ve never been able to name.
Understanding grief in its many forms allows you to:
- Add emotional depth to your characters
- Create more nuanced, human stories
- Offer comfort and validation to readers who may be grieving themselves
Final Thoughts
Grief is not just about death. It’s about loss in all its forms—relationships, identity, ability, hope.
As a writer, your job isn’t to simplify grief. It’s to honor its complexity and give it space on the page. When you do, you create stories that resonate, heal, and endure.
I hope this helps you write with more empathy and insight.
hey guys you know a work can have challenging & disturbing & weird themes without it actually being a kink that the writers have, right? I know we all like to use that “the author’s barely disguised fetish” meme but i truly need y’all to understand that some things are just recurring themes & motifs in a body of work without it being sexual for the writers or anyone involved in the creation of art. It’s important to me that y’all know this.
Everyone collectively shifted their gazes towards him.
His eyes widened like they were about to burst.
His eyes widened like saucers.
Humor was twinkling in his eyes at the irony of the situation.
Emotionless eyes contrasted with charged words.
His gaze parted from hers.
She caught his gaze with hers
He glared daggers.
Her eyes were fierce, but still reflected compassion.
Her hilariously wide eyes.
Ensnared by a pair of eyes.
Jane bore down on her friend with her sharp eyes, but surprisingly the glare had no effect.
A flash of frustration creased her brow and sparked in her eye, letting him know that his sound wasn't appreciated.
Their eyes trained on each other and silence swept over them.
His golden eyes dissected her, seeming to examine every quirk of her expression.
He could feel her gaze cutting into him.
Once again, he turned back to her, and was rewarded with just a small smile and her warm eyes.
His sky blue eyes veiled towards the large window claimed by the freezing temperatures.
His eyes burned into her, the fire intent on destroying whatever it could catch but she was ready for it this time.
His eyes scoped out the make-shift battle ground searching for something, anything that could help him out.
Their stares remained interlocked, neither of them making a move to look away.
His golden eyes shone in the dim light, reflecting every insecurity within him.
Amusement danced in those green eyes.
Her gaze flitted between their blanket and him.
Shielding her eyes on instinct, Jane recovered with wary blinks.
Red optics bore into her widened, watering eyes.
He gave John a sidelong stare.
His optics settled on Jane as she raised her fist with cheer.
The stare was of one hurt and buried, as if they feared being vulnerable more than the cold reality they had manufactured and serviced.
His stare was as uncomfortable as a chorus-girl corset and had the same effect on Jane’s breathing, constricted and shallow. There was no life behind those eyes. Every move he made betrayed his intentions and none of them were noble.
His eyes searched hers, looking to find some shred of... emotion in them.
He rolled his eyes, a nonverbal expression of exasperation.
Their mom notices, at the dinner table. She sees no nagging children, no stupid fights. She sees Lucy eating and speaking with perfect manners, Edmund analysing the economy and war with concerning skill, Susan being gracious but poised, like a diplomat.
Their father sees it in Peters eyes the first time they get into a fight. When he moves to punish Edmund for speaking out of turn, Peter calls him out on it. When his gaze meet his eldest son's, he's leveled by the war he sees behind it, the tensed muscle in his arm, the knuckles white around his knife. He's seen that before, in other soldiers. He doesn't know how to react.
Other children notice, too. Talking to all the Pevensie kids at the same time is like being the only one left out of a secret, and the way they touch and tease each other speaks of a history far deeper than their polite demeneor lets on. And when they walk they fall in line, as if there is a natural hierarchy between them.
The first time anyone picks a fight with Edmund, Peter comes home with a three week suspension and blood around his mouth. He looks more alive than you've seen him in weeks.
When Susan gets back in the pool after Narnia, she wins all the contests. Coaches can't explain how to beat her, because they don't understand how she's doing it, either. She seems to almost disappear when underwater.
Lucy, always gay and golden-haired, starts dancing, and never misses a step. She moves with an elegance that no 10 year old should have, and all the girls want to be friends with her
Edmund soon becomes the best student in his faculty. He always seems to know the right thing to say, and teachers laud his ability to think through complex problems. His mouth does get him in trouble sometimes, but the boy seems uncatchable, always talking his way through the cracks. And if not?
No one actively fears Peter, but everyone is a little scared of him sometimes. He's tall for his age, sure, but there is something else, some other air that seems to give him an authority far beyond what's normal for a teenage boy. He's nice enough, but teachers can't stand it, and bullies learn very quickly that pissing him off means missing teeth and black eyes.
The Pevensies are not quite inhuman, but not fully mortal, either
Just curious... if I told you that you encounter a group of michiganders bedecked in red wing scarves, and one of them is eating a bear claw and discussing going to Bronners... what are your thoughts?
uh...some people from a state with a large lake in the northern (north east?) usa are wearing sports merch. one of them is eating some kind of pastry and discussing going to a shop? that might sell that weird all in one soap?
My babies have risen! Time for a washing! I'm trying egg, oat milk, and butter, and one control without any to try for that shiny mottled salamander look
🧪 Character Arcs 101: what they are, what they aren’t, and how to make them hurt
by rin t. (resident chaos scribe of thewriteadviceforwriters)
Okay so here’s the thing. You can give me all the pretty pinterest moodboards and soft trauma playlists in the world, but if your character doesn’t change, I will send them back to the factory.
Let’s talk about character arcs. Not vibes. Not tragic backstory flavoring. Actual. Arcs. (It hurts but we’ll get through it together.)
─────── ✦ ───────
💡 what a character arc IS:
a transformational journey (keyword: transformation)
the internal response to external pressure (aka plot consequences)
a shift in worldview, behavior, belief, self-concept
the emotional architecture of your story
the reason we care
💥 what a character arc is NOT:
a sad monologue halfway through act 2
a single cool scene where they yell or cry
a moral they magically learn by the end
a “development” label slapped on a flatline
─────── ✦ ───────
✨ THE 3 BASIC FLAVORS OF ARC (and how to emotionally damage your characters accordingly):
Positive Arc
They start with a flaw, false belief, or fear that limits them. Through the events of the story (and many Ls), they confront that internal lie, grow, and emerge changed.
Hurt factor: Drag them through the mud. Make them fight to believe in themselves. Break their trust, make them doubt. Let them earn their ending.
Negative Arc
They begin whole(ish) and devolve. They fail to overcome their flaw or false belief. This arc ends in ruin, corruption, or defeat.
Hurt factor: Let them almost have a chance. Build hope. Then show how they sabotage it, or how the world takes it anyway. Twist the knife.
Flat/Static Arc
They don’t change, but the world around them does. They hold onto a core truth, and it’s their constancy that drives change in others. Think: mentor, revolutionary, or truth-teller type.
Hurt factor: Make the world push back. Make their values cost them something. The tension comes from holding steady in chaos.
─────── ✦ ───────
🎯 how to build an arc that actually HITS (no ✨soft lessons✨, just internal structure):
Lie they believe: What false thing do they think about themselves or the world? (“I’m unlovable.” “Power = safety.” “I’m only valuable if I’m useful.”)
Want vs. need: What do they think they want? What do they actually need to grow?
Wound/backstory scar: What made them like this? You don’t need a tragic past™ but you do need cause and effect.
Turning point: What moment forces them to question their worldview? What event cracks the surface?
Moment of choice: Do they change? Or not? What decision seals their arc?
🧪 Pro tip: this is not a worksheet. This is scaffolding. The arc lives in the story, not just your doc notes. The lie isn’t revealed in a monologue, it’s felt through consequences, relationships, mistakes.
─────── ✦ ───────
🛠️ things to actually do with this:
Write scenes where the character’s flaw messes things up. Like, they lose something. A person. A plan. Their cool. Make the flaw hurt.
Track their beliefs like a timeline. How do they start? What chips away at it? When does the shift stick?
Use relationships as arc mirrors. Who challenges them? Enables them? Forces reflection? Internal change is almost never solo.
Revisit the lie. Circle back to it at least three times in escalating intensity. Reminder > confrontation > transformation.
─────── ✦ ───────
🌊 bonus pain level: REVERSE THE ARC
Wanna make it really hurt? Set them up for one arc, and give them the opposite.
They think they’re growing into a better person. But actually, they’re losing themselves.
They think they’re spiraling. But they’re really healing. Let them be surprised. Let the reader be surprised.
─────── ✦ ───────
TL;DR: If your plot is a skeleton, your character arc is the nervous system.
The change is the thing. Don’t just dress it up in trauma. Don’t let your character learn nothing. Make them face themselves.
And yeah. Make it hurt a little. (Or a lot. I won’t stop you.)
—rin t.
// thewriteadviceforwriters
// plotting pain professionally since forever
P.S. I made a free mini eBook about the 5 biggest mistakes writers make in the first 10 pages 👀 you can grab it here for FREE:
✦ A free (and actually helpful) guide to leveling up your first 10 pages ✦If you're unsure whether your opening is ✨doing enough✨ to hook re
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
andulkaphoto
2087
vaporwave
