a number of people have asked so i figure i should mention: yes, i'm in the middle of a depressive slump lately. even with meds, therapy, and the support of wonderful friends, these still crop up every so often and kick my ass for 3-4 months before going away on their own.
as far as depressive slumps go, this one's pretty mild. i'm still holding up okay and i still have good days where i get things done. most of what i've been working on lately has been behind the scenes – but the stream i did earlier this week was great!
...what i haven't told anyone yet is that, the day after the stream, i was bedridden for the whole day. it was one of the worst depression days i've had since college.
most of my bad days lately have not been nearly that bad, but the bad days still outnumber the good days for now.
there's not much i can really do about it, other than ride it out? i have a number of tricks to keep my head above water, and ways to make the good days better... but the bad days will happen whether i want them to or not. it's just a fact of life right now.
and to be clear, in case anyone is worried – this is not your classical emotional struggle of "nothing matters why bother" or "i'm so lonely no one loves me" or etc.
this is, instead, my body's nervous system freezing up at the mere thought of doing anything. it's an overactive stress response.
in other words – and i hate to ask this, because i wanna hang out with y'all and have fun – the most important thing anyone can do for me right now is... consider me booked for the foreseeable future. my dms are clogged, my responsibilities are piling up, and my ability to Do will be slow for now.
this started around the beginning of february, and based on prior experience it'll probably be sometime in may before i start to perk up again.
there will be no flashy, grandiose announcement that i'm suddenly back on my feet, because that's not how this works. it'll be a slow ride back to normalcy.
in the meantime i'll still be doing things spontaneously whenever i have good days, as long as they don't bear the crushing weight of Obligation attached to them. i would ask y'all to show up for those, but you already do that because you're all cool as fuck! thank you all for having my back and being amazing friends – the card some of y'all sent me was very special and i will cherish it forever 😭
but i'll be okay! promise! don't worry about me, just keep being awesome 💙 i'll still be right here next to y'all, just with a temporary debuff.