Sl3rps

a bi boi with a very very stoned perception of reality bro. just chillax bro everything is okay.

[sl3rps]

Things are really gr8 right now actually, it's my birthday rn and I'm on vacation where the weed is hella cheap and super potent. It's really great tbh. It feels amazing to escape all the drama and do multiple things a day everyday. I'm super busy here and it's super fun. I'm with my boyfriend and he's literally the sweetest thing ever. He's a wholesome boy, but yeah this vacation is super nice.

[sl3rps]

I think things are really getting better in some aspects for myself. I can't speak for others around me but I wanna at least be there to support the homies who are really struggling. For me everything seems better, I'm planning something big for my future bf and I've also made up with my ex and another old friend. Things aren't perfect at all. There's been more drama causing more hurt but it just doesn't directly involve me anymore and everyone who is mad at each other isn't really mad at me. But yeah right now I'm in a state of worry, even if all these good and bad things have happened. In the end all I want is for everyone to be okay with each other and go back to being friends. But yeah I get to hear about the same monkey drama all day from different people all day long and it gets exhausting when I feel I'm making steps to forgive these people and become friends with them. Big sigh I wanna cry.

[sl3rps]

I think I'm starting to get pretty depressed. I don't know what to do about it. But it's starting to kick my ass. I need a mindset change.. the positive connecting and loving side of myself is fading. But I loved when I was like that. I guess past memories hurt so much. I miss when days would be really wholesome. I feel like I'm losing motivation to do well, anything. I'm losing myself and I need to find myself again real soon. I need to get back into that present moment because right now I'm living in the past. And the past hurts because of how good the past was. I miss these old times so much.

[sl3rps]

God I miss earlier times, things are just so different now it's really insane to think about. All I want is for that old dynamic to come back and everyone to be okay with it but it seems like that's just not going to happen. I feel like I messed up a lot of what could've been okay. I miss gravette still, what can I say? Back then everything was still so new and exciting to me, but I feel a lot of what I feel now is anxiety about social situations with people I used to adore. I honestly hate how things have turned out, while there are still some good things coming from it, it just seems like a never ending battle of petty drama that I just want to end. I really do want everyone to be okay so we can all just go back to being friends without assuming we've betrayed one another in some aspect. That old PK! Core dynamic. But everyone is just so different now, they don't get along anymore. I wish everyone just had good intentions so that no one would feel fucked over or depressed over this drama. Because I truly do care and love each and every person I've considered my friends. But when the people you love battle like it's a fucking pokémon battle, what do you do?

[sl3rps]

When you're sick just smoke the sickness away and take lots of NyQuil and it won't be too bad actually :)

[sl3rps]

Can't we just be friends?

An endless form of misery

With memories too distant to speak

Hurt by each other's actions

Scared of their reaction

If the hurt is both ways

Can't we just be friends?

It'll never be the same I know

With new found feelings

There has been massive change

All the hypocrites who lied

All the cheaters who begged

Can't we just be friends?

[sl3rps]

Damn just vibed so hard peer pressuring our friend Hab into getting high and him playing where them girls at right after with everyone in our living room dancing. Wow, gotta appreciate the little things during the extremely stressful times lol

[sl3rps]

Soooooo I'm kinda big crushing on the boy and it's going really great so far :) I'm hoping for the best to come out of this thing bc it's just really wholesome and sweet and I have so many "Owo UwU" thoughts all day. I do be big crushing and that's totally fine by me. But since thing with boi I can tell my mental health has gotten better :) thanks boy 💜

[sl3rps]

Things are like 100x better for me set some boundaries with ex and now am straight vibing, plus there's a boy I like and it's totally wholesome so I'm straight vibing :)

[sl3rps]

Things are complex but due to my own actions therefore I can only blame myself in this situation, however I'm working to improve those actions and not put myself in that shitty of a situation

[sl3rps]

Update, mask with ex cancelled but I wanna reintroduce her to the friend group so I can both support her as well as hangout with friends, bc I've been emotionally supporting her for the last few days since (which has made me unable to see my friends as much however she do be needing that emotional support) a lot happened after I broke up with her, since I've been doing PsYcHeDeLiCs more often I've been a lot more open and have a much better tool belt for giving support than I did when the two of us were together, which was almost a two year long relationship. Anyway I feel like since I know her super well I can support her but also call her out when I feel she is wrong, giving her the support she needs to grow and make progress properly without making any silly decisions that cause her life to be more complex.

[sl3rps]

Wow shit is straight up wild as fuck what even

[sl3rps]

Okay I know I've been a little cryptic on here so I'm gonna finally decide to (partially);open up about what the fuck has been up. The 4th of July is kinda just full of disappointment for me, it used to be the day I spend with my family whilst my friends got to go hangout or whatever. Then I moved states and got a job and they scheduled me on those days so for possibly the last 4-5 years or so I have not been able to really relax and hang with my friends on the 4th. Yesterday I got the opportunity to do just that, hangout with my friends on the 4th. But due to my past experiences with the holiday I was incredibly sad. As well as other factors that happened yesterday. I felt like I spent a lot of time doing things I didn't really wanna do or couldn't do. I felt like I couldn't really open up about what was going on bc of two factors, 1 my ex was with us, and we're chill now and all but I do feel like I have to put up some sort of mask up around her, which made it hard to open up to my best friend since I over analyze a lot of what I do and how others might view it when I'm not comfortable in a social situation, which tends to cause me to shut down and be unable to contribute to the vibes. Plus on top of that my feelings are all over the place I don't really know what to do with them. I hate feelings. Feelings suck.

[sl3rps]

Things don't make sense. The way I feel doesn't make sense.

[sl3rps]

Shit be crazy sad but yeah. Idk mental health is wack.

[sl3rps]

Mental health bad tonight brain hurt ow. I'm emotionally exhausted and very confused about a lot of things right now. I have a lot to think about.

[sl3rps]

Small blasts at sonic are not fucking small