Hyuck Sounds So Sexy

| clischè |

[forsungie]

THE WAY I LOVED YOU (TEASER)

pairings. actor park jisung x actress female reader

estimated word count. 3,000

genre. fluff, angst, mature content

warnings. jisung loves annoying the reader, lots of making out, thigh riding, size kink, friends with benefits (to be edited/updated)

“i’d like you to be the leading lady in the movie adaptation of my book,” yangyang said, “i really want you to be a part of this project and i think the character suits you so much, i know you will do her justice.”

and of course you accepted the project, it’s an honor to be part of your best friend’s masterpiece and you find the story really interesting after reading it. this movie is also going to be the first movie adaptation of his book and you’re very happy that he trusted you with this project. he is really an amazing writer and you’re very proud to be friends with him.

first day ng taping niyo ngayon para sa bagong movie adaptation project mo with park jisung as your leading man. you’ve actually met him a lot before through award shows and birthday parties of some of your celebrity friends, pero hindi mo pa siya nakakatrabaho that’s why this movie will be your first project together. nameet mo rin siya nung script reading niyo with the other casts, but you didn’t interact much with him that time, bali nag uusap lang kayo kapag nag babatuhan ng linya. halos lahat ng casts sa movie na ito ay first time mo makakatrabaho and you’re hoping for the best.

“nako, ma’am!” napailing na lang ang driver mo nang tumirik ang kotse.

“what happened, kuya?” tanong mo nang icheck nito ang sasakyan.

“tumirik, ma’am. dadalhin ko na lang sa pinakamalapit na talyer, pwede po bang sumakay na lang muna kayo—” naputol ang sasabihin ng driver mo nang may biglang magsalita.

sa kamalas-malasan mo nga naman, kung kailan papunta ka na sa taping niyo on the first day of shooting ay saka ka pa natirikan ng sasakyan?!

“sumabay ka na sakin,” it was no other than your co-actor, park jisung.

“ayun, ma’am, sakto! sir, pakiingatan na lang po itong si ma’am. ako na po bahala dito, ma’am, mauna na po kayo at baka malate pa kayo ni sir. salamat, sir, ingat po!” ngiti sa inyo ng driver mo.

“sige po, kuya,” jisung smiled and nodded, “what? sakay na,” baling naman nito sayo.

you had no choice, but to hop in dahil malelate at maistress ka lang kung mag cocommute ka pa. alam mo naman ang transportasyon at ang init dito sa pilipinas, papasok ka pa lang ng trabaho parang pauwi ka na. after contemplating for a second, naupo ka na sa backseat ng kotse— hindi naman dahil sa uncomfortable kang katabi siya, it’s just that you’re not close yet so..

“ginawa pa kong driver niya,” jisung murmured, watching you sit at the back.

“may sinasabi ka ba?” you asked when you heard him saying something you didn’t hear clearly.

jisung chuckled and shook his head, “huh? wala ah.”

ilang minutong tahimik ang biyahe at natigil lang iyon nang basagin ito ni jisung, “have you eaten breakfast? may bibilhin ako sa starbucks, isasabay ko na kung may gusto kang ipabili.”

“my treat,” he added.

you shook your head and smiled at him, “i’m good, thanks.”

jisung nodded, but he still ended up buying you an iced coffee and sandwich just in case you have not eaten yet, he asked the staff for a recommendation, which is why he got the latte for you, while he got himself an iced americano.

nang makarating kayo sa lugar kung saan kayo mag sh-shoot ng unang scene ay nakatulog ka and jisung has no clue on how to wake you up. you must be really tired from taping, he thought to himself while staring at your sleeping state.

“y/n.. we’re here,” gising niya sayo while lightly tapping your arms, “y/n, hey, gising na.”

agad ka namang nagising nang marealize na nakatulog ka sa biyahe, “i’m sorry,” sambit mo at saka pinunasan ang pisngi.

he smiled, “it’s okay.”

“thank you ulit,” sabi mo nang parehas kayong makalabas ng sasakyan.

tango at tipid na ngiti lang ang isinagot ni jisung habang pinaglalaruan nito sa kamay ng susi ng kotse. you immediately rolled your eyes when you saw yangyang grinning watching the both of you walk.

“bakit sabay kayo dumating, ha? ikaw ah,” he asked in a teasing voice.

you rolled your eyes, “nasiraan ako ng kotse tapos nadaanan niya kami ni kuya kaya sinabay niya na ko, kung anu-ano na naman iniisip mo.”

“okay, sabi mo e,” yangyang chuckled at your defensiveness.

“doon ka na nga, hinahanap ka daw doon! doon ka na, shoo!” you pushed him lightly.

yangyang laughed at your words, “enjoy your breakfast!”

jisung went to his shared tent with a co-actor and started getting ready for the taping, reviewing his script while his make-up artist were doing his make-up. he froze while reading the script when a spark of memory flashed through his mind. that’s why her perfume smells familiar to me, he thought to himself.

“jisung, ready ka na? we’ll start in a few,” yangyang suddenly asked.

jisung didn’t even notice that his make-up artist had finished doing his make-up because his mind was preoccupied thinking about you, “huh? uh— yes, ready na, susunod na ko.”

[fadedncity]

wc: 1.8k (teaser)

pairing: mark x fem!reader

cw: street racer au, childhood friend to lovers, mentions of other idols; (full fic) tags: smut, lil angst, alcohol consumption, use of marijuana, teasing, fingering, semi public sex, marking, oral sex (giving/receiving), dirty talk, pet names, praising, multiple orgasms, more to come…

a/n: everyone thank ay-yo mark for finally getting me out of my writers block 😁 p.s. i don’t know shit about cars so apologies for any inaccuracies.

[9:16 PM] FRIDAY

"Come on. The cops are gonna bust it before we even get there!" Summer stomped her heels like a whiny child.

"You know these things never start on time, we will be fine," you said, coming down the stairs.

"You could always go ahead of us and we'll meet you there," Nyla said, checking herself in the mirror, "Oh wait, you can't drive," she deadpanned.

"Only temporarily," Summer rolled her eyes.

"Only until your suspension is lifted," you reminded.

"One of you could let me borrow a car. It's only an issue if I get caught." Summer says matter of factly, like either of you would agree with her.

"That is the issue, sweetie, you did get caught." Nyla pats Summer's cheek.

Summer crossed her arms, again acting like a moody toddler.

"Let's go," you grabbed your keys off the table, "Thought you didn't wanna be late." You said to Summer, heading out the door.

With an annoyed huff, Summer gathered her things and followed you and Nyla out the door.

The three of you got into your car, the gentle purr of the engine coming to life once you put the key in the ignition, sending vibrations through the entire vehicle. Music filtered through the speakers as you pulled out of your spot and took off down the street.

"Hyuck said to make sure you turn your lights off when you're coming up," Summer relayed a message she received from Haechan once you were halfway there.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," you waved off.

You turned off your headlights once you neared the exit, moving offroad. You carefully drove into the woods on unpaved ground, heading deeper into the darkness as the distant streetlights weren't doing anything to assist your sight anymore. 

"I always hate this part," Nyla says from the passenger seat.

"Gotta make sure we don't get caught if any cops are hiding around here." You said.

"I know, but it always feels like the beginning of a horror movie. And you know the hot ones always die first," Nyla pouted.

You found the opening in the fence, worn down from being driven over so many times, and pulled into the abandoned army base, finally able to cut your lights back on.

The sound of music playing and tires screeching on the pavement could already be heard from the runway the meet was on, and you were still a few hangars away.

You slow down once you reach the crowd taking over the runway. People move out of the way as you cruise down the road, looking for a spot to park.

"Ain't that Johnny over there," Summer pointed from the backseat.

"I'd recognize that giant beanstalk anywhere," you say before honking your horn, startling the Aquarius and getting his attention.

"Wow, the princess, actually graces us with her presence on this lovely night," Johnny curtsies, and you scoff.

"Just move out the way before I run your ass over." you tell him.

You backed your car into the spot next to Johnny, and your friends practically jumped out of the vehicle before you could put it in park. You hadn't even closed your door when Johnny embraced you in a tight hug. 

"Jesus, John, gonna crack a rib," you gasp.

"Feels like we don't see you at these things anymore," He let you go.

"Come on, it hasn't been that long. I was here a few weeks ago."

"For like 20 minutes. You left before you could even see me smoke Jungwoo," he crossed his arms over his chest.

You remember that night. You had totally forgotten the assignment you had due at 11:59 and raced back home to turn it in on time.

"Shit. That's my bad. You know it's just stuff with the garage and school and…stuff," you trail off.

"Yeah, I get it," Johnny slung his arm around you, "You're doing good though, kiddo," you both started trailing behind Nyla and Summer.

"How do you figure?"

"Made it further than me. I had already dropped out by this point," Johnny said, sharing a laugh.

The music came from every direction with people displaying their boosted sound systems out of their trunks. The ones not focusing on the races were too busy gawking at the expensive modifications under the hoods of those showing them off.

"Last chance. Winner take all," you instantly recognize Chenle's voice over the rest of the clamor.

You watch Summer reach into her bag, giving Chenle an indescribable amount, looking proud of herself.

"Who're you betting on?" Johnny asks her. 

"Yeri, duh," she answered. 

"You sure that was a good choice?" he asks, teasingly.

"Obviously. Hyuck ain't got shit on her." 

"Yeah, alright," Johnny rolled his eyes, taking a bit of offense himself.

"Where is Haechan, by the way? He's up next," Jeno asks.

"Over there talking to Jaemin," Chenle nodded to the opposite side of the runway where Jaemin's car was parked.

You spotted the back of Haechan's head speaking to Jaemin through the window of his car, probably checking the police scanner and making sure you're all still in the clear, no doubt. Then your eyes land on the guy standing next to him, recognizing his silhouette.

"Oh my god, is that-" Summer starts.

"Mark Lee?" you will your vision to focus from this distance to see clearer. "Mark's back in town and no one said anything?" you hit Johnny's arm.

"You would know if you were here." Chenle shrugged.

"I'm sorry, who is Mark?" Nyla asks.

Everyone turned and looked at Nyla.

"Mark Lee? How do you not know Mark?" Summer says, showing Nyla his Instagram.

"How did you pull that up so fast?" Renjun asks.

"Holy shit, he's good," Nyla says impressed, and you already know Summer pulled up one of the videos of him racing.

"Better be. I taught him." Johnny smiles like a proud father. "We all go way back," he says, "Ain't that right?" Johnny nudges your arm.

Way back. 

Way back when you used to spend hours at the garage with your father after school and only knew Johnny as your father's best and favorite (unconfirmed) employee. And Mark was some boy from your high school that you didn't even know until you went to your first car meet.

Way back doesn't even feel that far away anymore now seeing him. It almost feels exactly like the first car meet you snuck out to. When you first met him.

"If your father knew you were here, he would lose his shit. If he found out I let you drive he would have my head. You are not getting into any car—getting behind any wheel tonight under any circumstances. Do you understand?" Johnny said. 

"But-" 

"Aht, I mean it," he said, shooting you down before changing the subject, "You know Mark, right?" he asked. 

"No, I don't know Mark." 

"Well, this is Mark," Johnny said, yanking the boy out of a conversation to introduce the both of you. "You mind keeping each other company, and make sure she stays out of..everything," Johnny not so quietly muttered to Mark. "I'm up next, so be good while I'm gone," Johnny patted your head before he hopped in his car, leaving the two of you alone. 

"I can't image he's much less of a jackass at work." Mark said. 

"He definitely isn't. I don't think it's something he can turn off," you laughed before you looked over at him, "How'd you know I'm from the garage?" you asked. 

"Johnny said you might be here tonight. He talks about you all the time, like a little sister he's never had," Mark tells you. 

"Oh really? What else has he said?" 

"You're one hell of a driver."

"Come on, it's starting," Summer pulling on your arm, tore you out of your thoughts, and you realize Mark's no longer in your sight, having lost him in the crowd.

People gather on either side of the runway, cheering as Haechan's electric blue Supra pulled up next to Yeri's peach-wrapped GT-R, stopping right before the spray-paint on the pavement that served as the starting and finish line.

Chenle stood between both cars, looking at Haechan and Yeri. He raised his arms, both drivers reviving up their cars, Haechan burning out his tires, kicking up smoke behind his car before Chenle dropped his arms, and they both sped off past him down the road.

Through all the commotion, you spotted Mark again. And before you could even think about it you were already weaving your way through the crowd to get to him.

"So you thought you could just come back to town and not say anything to anybody?" you say, getting his attention.

Mark's eyes light up, no longer concerned with the race upon seeing you.

"I just got in yesterday but heard you were gonna be here tonight. So I thought I'd surprise you."

"Consider me surprised."

You take the time to notice everything about him, the things that have changed and the things that haven't. Like his hair, no longer dark with the typical schoolboy cut. It's now grown out and blonde—that was as much as you could tell from the beanie it was all tucked underneath. But nothing about his face is much different than how you remember it. Still the same soft eyes you can get yourself lost in and the sweet smile that used to bring one to your face.

"So who's your money on?" Mark asks you.

"You know I'm not throwing anything unless I really got something to lose," you say, "But if I did put my money on one of them, it would definitely be Yeri. She's winning this."

"Yeah, she's a good driver but don't you know what Haechan has under his hood?"

"Yeah, but it's no match for what's under Yeri's. And I would know. I put it all together myself," you smiled proudly.

You heard the cars approaching, closing in on the finishing line. From this distance, it's hard to tell who's winning, but you aren't as eager as the rest of the crowd cheering on either side to see who would make it to the end first.

The cars blurred past you, wind whipping behind them, blowing your hair out of place a bit as you turned to Mark.

"Now would you look at that," you smiled as Yeri was announced as the winner, "I know it's been a while Mark, but the last thing you should forget is that I'm always right."

"Trust, there isn't anything about you I could forget," Mark says.

a/n: i’m currently already at 7k but just wanted to know how y’all feel about this so ik whether i should keep going or not so pls lmk! feedback is appreciated <33

[slightlymore]

death of peace of mind

train conductor haechan x fem reader

genre: magiccore/miyazaki/tim burton, broad industrial revolution/victorian setting, romance, soulmates au, enemies (?) to lovers, !!slow burn!!, angst, smut, multiperspective

warnings and content: +18, explicit sexual content, virgin reader, fingering, unprotected, nipple play, biting, some level of corruption, sexual tension, oral fem receiving, hand job, pet names (darling, love, baby, my girl, my lady) and titles (Sir, Miss), begging, praise, spanking, sexual tension, gentlemanly and lady-like behaviour etc etc

words: 19k

other characters: mark as reader's friend, jeno for a moment, johnny mentioned

synopsis: The Train. That's where your parents met a few years before you were born and that's where your grandparents met as well as their parents before that. Oh to be grown and travel on the Train as well, meeting your soulmate and falling so madly in love that you'd become consumed by it. And there you were years later, your only travel case in your hand and your best dress on, standing in the Train Station at exactly 1:05am on the 1st of May. You looked up and let the night sky calm you down and when you looked back in front of you, the train was there. What were you supposed to do now? But then one door opened, engulfing you with the freshest flowery scent. The most gorgeous man you've ever seen in your life descended and tilted his hat lifting one gloved hand to guide you inside. "Welcome aboard, Miss."

for the lovers of dream sorter haechan

__________

When the curtains call the time

Will we both go home alive?

It wasn't hard to realize

Love's the death of peace of mind

The Train.

That's where your parents met a few years before you were born and that's where your grandparents met as well as their parents before that.

The tales of those encounters enriched your childhood and your fragile dreams. Oh, to be grown and travel on the Train as well, meeting your soulmate and falling so madly in love that you'd become consumed by it.

You’ve always desired it. You’ve always longed for it. 

The teachers would get shiny eyes and beaming smiles on May 1st. You remembered the first time it happened. The air felt different and the town felt more alive than usual. 

"Today is a special day for all of us," your parents also smiled at the breakfast table. They looked almost shy and they exchanged gazes they would usually let themselves have in a more private moment. 

You were in your first year of elementary school but from what you could understand, that day sounded like a big deal for the adults and it started to be a big deal for you as well. 

"This is the day when people go on a Journey to find their soulmate," the teacher repeated what you've already heard at home. 

The Train, the children would whisper, the giddiness in their voices making you almost escape your skin with excitement. 

"Can we go and see it?" you asked with your heart in your throat from the emotion. You really wanted to see all the young adults go to the Train Station and embark. 

The teacher smiled as if that was the most common question asked. "Unfortunately, it's a very private moment. But when you're ready, you will finally see the Train and you will find the love of your life during the Journey." 

You were an only child so besides your parents' tale of how starstruck they both felt upon seeing each other on the Train, you had no other immediate example of how the experience would go. 

"My brother Johnny said the place they ended up in is way more gorgeous than our town," one of your classmates and your best friend said one time. "But not as gorgeous as his partner, he said,” making a throwing-up motion with his fingers. 

A choir of grossed out children made you giggle at the time and you joined them, but deep inside you knew that it was indeed possible to meet a person more gorgeous than the most gorgeous place on earth.

You wanted that. You desperately wanted that. 

Your parents also said their towns of origin weren't as beautiful as the one you were living in and although you could objectively see it was decently cute and cozy you were sure they felt that way because of the rosy love glasses. 

"Why do I have to leave this place when I find my soulmate?" you wondered one time as you were growing older and having more and more thoughts about the Journey. 

Your mom patted your head. "When you find the love of your life the Train stops and lets you both off. The couple has to live in the place they ended up in."

"What if I want to come home?" you argued.

"Your partner will be your home," your dad explained with a fond smile. "We will see each other often the way you see all of your grandparents. Don't worry about missing us."

"Also it is too soon for you to think so deeply about it," your mom chuckled, pulling at your cheek.

Yet, there you were years later, your only suitcase in your hand, which you bought for the occasion, and your best dress on, standing in the Train Station and feeling like the too soon came, well, too soon. 

Your mom helped you put on some makeup as well that day and you had to admit you were feeling pretty cute.

But oh so anxious.

You couldn’t believe you were about to initiate the Journey on the Train. Thoughts of how your soulmate looked like adorned your mind since you could remember but in the latest months you found yourself fantasizing about them more and more. 

But with the pretty thoughts, some thoughts of doom would send rocks to your mind as well feeding your anxiety even further.

The mixed emotions made you uneasy.

"What if there's no soulmate for me?" you looked yourself in the mirror as your mom finished her last touches on your hair. 

"Nonsense," she reassured you. 

"But has it happened before?" you insisted. 

She sighed. "Yes but it's very rare. What happens, in that case, is that you need to come back home and you need to go on the Journey the following year." 

"And are there people who went on for many years and they met no one?"

"Not as far as I know. Everyone met someone sooner or later. Your grandma met your grandpa after 3 years." 

You exhaled. Maybe you'd just go on a little train ride and come home before sunset.

Maybe you'll also need 3 years. 

Maybe no one would fall in love with you ever. 

You expected the Station to be full of people but it was completely empty.

"Don't worry about it. The Station doesn't let you see your friends until you're all on." 

You bit your lower lip and waited. There was no moon on the sky and the stars were very visible. 

You looked up and let the night sky calm you down and when you looked back in front of you, the Train was there. 

"Heavens," you swallowed the little surprising gasp and looked to your right then left feeling your breath accelerate. You didn’t hear it arrive. 

What were you supposed to do now? Was it supposed to feel this ominous? 

But then one door opened with a slow hiss, engulfing you with the freshest flowery scent. 

The most gorgeous man you've ever seen in your life descended and tilted his hat lifting one gloved hand to guide you inside.

"Welcome aboard, Miss." 

His hair was black and a bit longer in the back. Your father would have said it looked a bit messy; he’d probably offer some gel and suggested him to comb it backwards. But the man wore it so well that you found yourself thinking how it would feel like to pass your hand through it and mess it up even further. 

“Thank you,” you replied quietly. Then you cleared your throat and tried again. 

The man’s face was a polite mask, not one muscle of his perfect face twitching or moving. On the contrary, you felt your face in flames as you walked near him to enter the wagon. 

“Please, choose the coach you’re most attracted to,” you heard his voice behind you. The fresh flowery perfume followed you both and you realized it was his scent. Taking a few steps forward you found yourself shaking ever so slightly. 

“Who are you?” you turned around before having a chance to look down the dark but cosily illuminated wooden corridor of the train. 

His chest was so close that you could see the little silvery tag on it. Conductor. 

Then you took a step back not realizing how close he was. 

“I apologize for not having introduced myself earlier. I am the Conductor, Miss,” he simply replied. “I’ll be around the Train if you need me. Also, if you ring the bell you’ll find in every wagon."

His eyes were a dark shade of marine blue, you realized, like the ocean during a storm, when you can’t distinguish between the water and the sky.

Your grandpa told you many tales of his life at sea. He used to say it was the most beautiful and terrifying thing, and at the time you didn’t understand how something scary could be beautiful, but that man’s eyes made a shiver go down your spine yet you didn’t want him to stop looking at you. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I'll leave you to get comfortable,” he tilted his hat again, making a shadow appear over his eyes, as if reading your mind and seeing your fascination with them. 

You gave him a little bow as well, as your mother has been teaching you it was polite to do when meeting gentlemen, then you stared at the way he turned around and took the opposite direction in the tight corridor. His shoulders almost touched the walls when he walked and his legs looked extremely long in his black uniform. 

The coach you chose was the first on your left, a luxurious dark brown space, with deep bordeaux seats which you realized were softer than any other material you’ve ever felt before. You placed your suitcase on the designated space and sat down, looking at the windows showing your town’s Train Station, then you inhaled and exhaled looking down at your dress and rubbing your lace-gloved hands together.

What were you supposed to do?

Would your soulmate come barging in your coach?

Would you meet over breakfast in the morning?

Why were you all supposed to go at exactly 1:05am? 

You suppressed a yawn wondering where you were expected to sleep, then with the corner of your eye you noticed the curtains slowly close and you gasped feeling the train depart at the same time. 

Your older cousins liked to joke about ghosts roaming around the Train but you thought you were grown already to believe such things. Yet, the movement felt uncanny and you were so on edge that you haven’t realized you were squished against one of the seats’ corners until a ding made you scream. 

On the little table a small card boarded with gold appeared out of thin air. 

“Dear Miss, you are invited for Breakfast in the Dining Car. Please turn the card around for the Train map. My warmest regards, the Conductor” 

You touched the paper with your fingertip as if it were a poisonous snake and the ink smudged a bit as if it has been freshly written. 

Breakfast? At 1am? Maybe he meant tomorrow morning? 

You turned the card around as instructed and the display for the train was illustrated. A little “you are here” red mark told you that your wagon was the one in the middle of the train.

You wondered how did the Conductor know you chose that specific coach when he left you just a few minutes prior and didn’t even check back.

The Dining car was towards the head of the train, the direction in which the Conductor walked, and the name Steam Locomotive adorned the first car. You wondered if he was in there or if his coach was one of the wagons close by. 

The train was moving swiftly so it wasn’t bothering you as you thought it would. The closed curtains made you sad that you couldn’t see the scenery so you got up and extended your hand towards them, trying to perhaps see the machinery through which they were able to close on their own.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” a voice made you jump in place. 

“Mark!” you turned around and walked the few steps towards the door to hug a very dumbfounded young man. 

“Hey, hey, you okay?” he awkwardly stood there even after you retrieved your arms from his neck and stared him up and down. 

“I was so scared to be alone. It’s good to see your face,” you explained. 

Johnny’s younger brother has been your best friend and the one you spoke about the Train Journey the most growing up. You were still ashamed to remember the way you cried for the whole night the time Mark told you his brother hasn’t come home from the Journey because he has found his soulmate. You had a very intense childhood crush on him. 

“I get it,” he smiled then his eyes went down to eye your dress, then up, noticing your prettily arranged hair and makeup.

Then he sighed, almost disappointed. 

Without realizing you touched your cheek. Did he think you were ugly?

“What?” you blinked at him. 

Mark shook his head. “I just-,” he started then interrupted himself, a bright dust of red moving in towards his cheeks and ears. “I thought that maybe you could be- you know-sometimes it happens that even friends-” 

You blinked at him then you felt your own face on fire. “Oh,” you realized what he wanted to say. The scarf you tied around your neck made it difficult for you to breathe. 

“Well,” he scratched the back of his head. “I guess we’re not soulmates. That, of course, if you didn’t feel anything in particular either.” 

“I felt relief,” you said. 

Mark nodded, agreeing with you. “I was also just glad to see a friend.”

Was he disappointed you weren’t his soulmate? Or was he happy it wasn’t you?

“Same.” 

The following silence made him clear his voice once then his eyes fell on the card in your hands. 

“Oh, I got one too. I was wondering if it was a prank inviting me over for breakfast. I was going towards the Dining Car to at least check it out.” 

“Right? I thought I was the one misunderstanding the invite,” you chuckled. “I’ll come with you now if you don't mind.” 

Mark took a few steps back to let you exit the coach and his eyes fell on the window again. “My parents said that if you open the curtains when the train is moving you’ll be forced to descend in the first place you see. Alone. Without the possibility to return on the Train ever again.” 

A shiver ran down your body at his words. 

“There’s also a warning,” he indicated with his chin. 

You followed the direction and noticed the golden plate near the curtains. 

You could have sworn it wasn’t there before. 

_________

The corridor was gorgeously decorated with fresh flowers and paintings. You and Mark took your time to peek into most of the coaches too, giggling a bit when you noticed some of their residents weren’t alone. 

“How long do you think it takes for people to meet everyone on the train?” Mark asked, impressed that some were already coupled. 

You thought about it. “The train stops in every town, doesn’t it? There's so many people. I feel like even a few weeks." 

Mark winced. “That’s a long time. My parents met within 15 minutes of boarding. They had neighbouring coaches.” 

“My parents met after a few days,” you recalled. “My maternal grandparents met after three years of trying.” 

Your friend hummed. “That’s hard. I’d be losing hope.” 

You swallowed the dry lump. “That’s a bit scary, yes.”

You didn’t want to tell him that you were afraid you might end up just like them. 

The Entertainment wagons were about five, and you both held your breaths when entering the first as it was roaming with people. The strangers’ faces turned towards you both with inquisitive eyes, as if checking if one of you were their soulmate. 

You bit your lower lip taking a few steps inside. 

“What exactly do you think we need to feel when meeting the one?” you whispered as some people sighed and turned around, sign you weren’t interesting. 

“No clue. But it has to be something,” Mark answered. “Maybe a sharp feeling. Awe. Even fear?” 

“Fear? Why would I be afraid if I meet my soulmate?” you both walked slowly, staring at the board games people were playing. 

Mark hummed. “Not actual fear. More so like the fear you get right before sliding down with a sleigh. It’s scary but you know it will feel very nice.”

The example made you chuckle and it broke some of the tension you were feeling. Then his words actually arrived to your brain. 

Like the fear before sliding down with a sleigh…

…or the fear when you see a sea storm. 

You shook your head and exited the coach to enter the rest. 

_________

“I can’t believe there’s actual breakfast,” Mark repeated for the third time already, cheeks full with eggs and bacon. 

You giggled, impressed by your own appetite so late at night. Or early in the morning?

“The train has different time zones than your town of origin,” a voice explained. 

The scent came first and it froze you in place, the piece of banana you were about to devour still in mid-air. 

Mark lifted his gaze to the side and greeted the voice. 

“I hope everything is to your liking,” the Conductor added. When you put the banana down on your plate and looked up, he was already looking at you. His stormy eyes were slightly squeezed in an attempt to look polite. His uniform looked impeccable as usual and with his hands clasped behind his back his chest popped underneath it.

You forced yourself to look away. 

“Yes, thank you. The train is gorgeous,” you said. 

The Conductor smiled a bit more. “And I hope this is a congratulatory meal?” he asked, looking at Mark for a moment as well, who furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Oh,” you shook your hands, realizing what he meant. “No no, it’s not like that.”

“We’re just friends,” Mark butt in, a bit scandalized. 

You nodded fervently. “Classmates. From the same town.” 

“Yes. Our coaches are close-by and we just found each other.” 

The Conductor listened to one then the other, looking at both of you intermittently with his everlasting smile. “Well, then. I’m glad you enjoy each other’s company. I wish for you to find your soulmate when the time comes as well.” 

You and Mark both thanked him and watched the Conductor bow enough for his eyes to get the same shadow you saw the first time you met him.

But he lifted his gaze to look at you this time. Slowly, letting his long lashes fan on his cheeks for a moment.

The pupils were very deep and you imagined yourself drowning in the almost black blue of his irises. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to turn around and look at his back as he walked away to greet other passengers. 

You couldn’t even bring yourself to reach and grab the fork because your hands were tightly clasped together on your lap to hide how badly they were shaking. 

_________

On your way back Mark got welcomed by his male friend group in the third Entertainment wagon. Some of them had new faces around and from their shy gazes, you assumed they met their partners already. Some were alone and in the mood to party. 

Mark invited you to stay but you decided to go back to your coach and have some rest.

You wished to be able to party like Mark did. In the end, for him that was also a well deserved holiday after spending most of his days helping his father with the lands. Many thought the same and not everyone wanted to go on the Journey to meet an actual soulmate. For a lot of people it was a nice break from studying or work and that was it. 

But you felt uneasy to be that free-spirited, and you needed time alone to understand what was going on. After all, you’ve been day dreaming about the Journey and the Train your whole life. And now that the desired moment arrived there was something off about it all.

And you couldn’t point it out. 

You’ve never felt more relieved to enter your coach and see a fluffy small bed in one of the seats’ places. You sat on it and you also found it very comfortable. How it got there you had no idea and by that time you decided to stop asking yourself questions on how that Train actually worked. 

The spring dress you chose for yourself was easy to slip into but quite hard to undo, you realized, grunting a few times as you tried to untie the light corset. When you managed to open it you exhaled deeply and you let it fall to your feet. 

Then your eyes darted towards the warning sign near the window as you slowly got under the covers.

Curiosity killed the cat but you really wanted to know what was behind those curtains and why you weren’t allowed to know. 

Before you could realize that you didn’t brush your teeth or wash your face, the train stopped and you opened your eyes in the silence. 

“Thank you for traveling with us. I wish you happiness,” the Conductor’s voice was muffled outside your window and you remembered your coach was the first near the main train entrance. 

Did someone already get off as a couple? Or was that someone who looked outside and was now forced to live alone?

You walked slowly and stealthy and you were about to turn the corner to where the entrance you came in was when the voices stopped you in place.

They were many, perhaps six different ones, thanking the Conductor and chatting away, making already plans for the future. Imagining you in their place gave you anxiety - after all they all met a few hours ago and already thought of getting married - but you were also glad they were all soulmate couples and not any forsaken person who went against the rules.

Somehow, you also felt a but envious that it has been that quick and smooth for them. 

The Conductor’s back was towards you and you looked at his long fingers behind his back as he greeted the people away. His white gloves covered them and for some reason you wondered how they looked like naked. His waist was visibly smaller than his shoulders and the spine line descended so beautifully that you felt the urge to draw him, although you were no artist. 

You shook your head trying to get rid of thouse thoughts and realized that in the meantime the chatter died down as the passengers walked towards the Station.

The Conductor was still outside, probably seeing them away for good before departing, and his scent was slowly engulfing you the more you remained in his presence.

You swallowed. How could a man smell that good? 

Then you realized you had a full-on view of the Station so you squatted down behind the corner and tried to make sense of what was outside. That was your only chance, you figured.

“You know that’s forbidden, right?” the man’s smooth voice made you jolt.

The Conductor was still standing stoically without looking back and you let your gaze fall around as to understand who he was addressing, because he definitely couldn’t have seen you. 

“Yes. I’m talking to you, Miss,” he turned around enough for you to see his relaxed expression.

You could see only half of his face and the only visible eyebrow was lifted in a way that made his gaze look- well, sexy, you realized with a certain degree of embarrassment.

You got up and took a step forwards. “Well, I am not looking out through a window, so it is not technically forbidden. There’s not a sign near the entrance telling me I can't do this.” 

The Conductor turned around fully. His lazy gaze rested on your face then slowly went down your body and stopped on your nude feet. His eyebrow lifted even more. You wigled your toes in embarrassment. 

“I forgot to bring shoes,” you mumbled, your burst of confidence suddenly dying down. 

“And a dressing gown,” he added, his pupils darting back down to your chest and hips in the almost sheer underdress you were wearing to sleep. “And some common sense,” he added, locking eyes with you. 

You crossed your arms on your chest to prevent him from looking any further. Then you lifted your chin in disdain at his last phrase. 

“That’s not very polite of you. Gentlemen avert their eyes.” 

“Tell me, Miss. What prevents me from grabbing you and making you descend here in this town with the excuse of you not following the rules?” 

You gulped. “Common sense, of course. Why would you even do that?” 

“Why not? Maybe I forgot to bring it with me the way you did coming here.” 

You let your arms fall down in anger. “That would be very inappropriate and illegal!” 

“Says who?” he smirked. “There’s no warning near the door saying I can’t do that.” 

You bit your lower lip. “I get it. I should not be here. But you can’t push me out of the train. That would be barbaric.”

The Conductor stepped back inside in one fluid movement. “Usually passengers rest in their coaches or entertain themselves with the others in an attempt to find their soulmate. They don’t go wandering about.” 

You dropped your gaze to his chest as he was getting way too close for your liking.

And when he unbuttoned his jacket, slowly, and let it slide off his shoulders and fall on yours instead, you visibly shuddered.

It was warm and big, and it smelled like him. Like that overwhelming flowery perfume.

You felt dizzy. 

“I was just curious,” you whispered, feeling like a little child being scolded. But the Conductor’s expression was warm when you dared to look at his face again.

His lips were full and plump and you felt a tight lump in your throat seeing them move. 

“Go back to sleep, Miss.” 

His deep voice rang in your head the whole time you washed your face and brushed your teeth, feeling it incredibly warm. You let his jacket fall on the seat in front of your bed but as you slid under the covers you wore it again, and nuzzled you face into the material. 

_________

In the morning, or what you felt was morning, you wore another dress you packed, a deep blue one you instinctively chose with little black flowers around the crown of it. 

Some people were walking against you in the corridor and you could audibly hear them stop their breathing as you locked eyes.

They were wondering if you were their soulmate.

Yesterday you would have walked slowly and looked around shyly as well, but today all you wanted to do was to bring the Conductor his jacket back and all of those people were just in your way. 

You were about to start pushing against people’s shoulders when Mark’s head pocked out of a coach and his ruffled hair made you realized he just woke up.

Not in his bed. 

“Mark Lee!” you stopped in place. 

“Fuck,” he blinked at you. “You out of all people. I mean, so nice to see you-”

“Did you find your soul-”

Mark exited the coach quickly and closed the door behind him. “Shh,” he was about to place one hand on your mouth but then looked at it and put it behind his back instead. 

“Let’s not- do not say anything.” 

You blinked at him. “Are you telling me that-” 

“Maybe,” he interrupted you again. “Listen, people here are gorgeous. There’s no need to save myself for marriage or anything.” 

Your jaw fell. “Mark Lee, did you just sleep with some random woman?” 

He scratched one eyebrow. “Did I offend your sensibility?” 

“You’re just some man, aren’t you?” you looked him up and down. “Whatever. Have fun,” you rolled your eyes and started to walk again. “And wash that hand, would you?” 

“How do you even know-” 

“I wasn’t born yesterday,” you turned around to quickly let your tongue out at him. 

“Is that the Conductor’s jacket?” he asked before you could exit the car. 

“No? I just found it around,” you answered quickly, leaving him behind with his questions. 

The Conductor said you had no common sense but you had enough common sense to know that being seen around with his jacket would somehow be a mistake. He was the one who didn’t have the common sense to know to not send you to bed with it. 

Lost in your thoughts you didn’t realize how far up the train you arrived and when the cars started to be empty safe for storage items you stopped in place to catch your breath.

It was very silent up there, the only sound coming from the rails outside and the steam locomotive. 

You were close. And you had no idea why you knew that. 

The walk towards the locomotive was slow and the spaces less fancy. Some coaches were on your right and you wondered if perhaps the Conductor was in one of them.

Or maybe you were stupid and he was way back in the train, doing his job. 

When you felt like that damned train didn’t even have an end, in front of you a big dark door with a skull on it indicating some type of danger opened and the swish of fresh flowers made you close your eyes for a moment. 

The Conductor’s head was tilted to the side as if amused. 

“I see that this time you’re decently dressed,” he said, the his gaze fell on your chest. “Almost.”

You gulped and put on a brave expression. “I came to give you this back. Thank you.” 

The man looked at the jacket you were holding and reached towards it slowly. His fingertips touched your knuckles for a brief moment and it made you so tense that you felt your head pulsating. 

“You could have rung the bell. There was no need to come all the way up here.” 

You let the air come out your nostrils. “You always scold me. You should be thankful I brought this back to you.” 

“I am scolding you because you keep taking the most convoluted decisions instead of the straight forward ones.” 

The informal conversation and the lack of Miss from his part made you nervous so you tried to look around his shoulder to see if any staff, or worse, the train driver could hear it.

Although you found his tone aggravating you didn’t want him to lose his job or anything. 

“So you didn’t make me come because you were curious to see the Locomotive instead,” the Conductor added, seeing you snoop your nose around.

You straightened your back. “I was just trying to see if someone was listening to your inappropriate comments towards a passenger and a lady.” 

The Conductor smiled and took a step to the side. “No one is here.” 

For a second you forgot about him, the curiosity of how that Train actually worked exciting you more. “Who drives this then?” you stepped in and looked around the small space. 

“No one,” the man explained and his breath caressed the back of your neck. When you looked behind your shoulder you realized he was staring at the goosebumps on your exposed skin. 

“Why is there a chair here, then?” you cleared your throat and walked around it. 

The Conductor wore his jacket and put his hands on the back of the big chair. “I like to sit here and look outside.” 

You lifted your gaze towards the small window in front of you. You hadn’t even realized you could see outside. 

“Do you want to try and sit down?” he asked. 

You bit your lower lip. “Would that be alright?” 

“I thought you didn’t care for rules,” he smirked. 

You lifted your chin and sat down. It wasn’t much, just the railroad in front of you and some trees on each side. But it was peaceful and your curiosity got fully fed.

Now you wondered when it was the time to be killed like a cat. 

“Why are you really here, Miss?” 

The Conductor’s voice was so close to your ear that your spine curved. But you didn’t move away. 

“Don’t-” you gulped. “Don’t flatter yourself or anything. I came here because I was curious and I had to give your jacket back.”

His index finger touched one of your hairs near the ear and you jolted in place, moving your head away. The man was smiling. He was holding a small feather that was probably stuck there. 

“I hope you’re satisfied at all times, Miss,” he replied. “And I am here to make sure all of your future needs are fulfilled as well.” 

That tone and those polite words were meant to be professional yet your mind went to Mark’s ruffled hair and half naked body. You imagined the Conductor’s dark hair on your pillow and his scent engulfing you all as his touch made your spine curve. And his hand, would he also use his hands on you like Mark did with his woman?

You shook the thoughts out of your head and got up quickly, feeling it hard to breathe in that narrow space. 

“Thank you. I will leave now,” you voice was wavering and if he noticed it he didn’t say anything about it. 

“I hope you have a pleasant journey,” he wished as you exited the car. 

He didn’t mention anything about finding a soulmate this time. 

__________

Your scent lingered on Haechan’s body the whole day.

It was in his hair, his nostrils, his skin, around his neck and his hands. He wondered if you slept with his jacket the whole night and the thought of your naked body pressed against the material of it made him almost knock heads with a passenger. 

“Good day to you, Sir,” he tilted his hat last minute.

The young man barely noticed him, as his eyes were directed towards another person in the corner of the car.

Haechan was very acustomed to that gaze. He saw it every day for the past few years - the look of someone madly in love at first sight. 

That was how your eyes looked like the first instant he saw you on the platform waiting for the Train.

Waiting for him. 

He wondered how that gaze looked on his face but he was sure you didn’t notice it.

He wasn’t even sure it was there in the first place. 

His instincts got the best of him and he worked on autopilot. Polite face, good smile, distance.

Hell, he even took the sign away from your windows for five minutes. But then you almost opened the damn curtains - as he intended for you to - and he realized he couldn’t physically let you go.

It was probably a mistake, he thought the first seconds of seeing you. He took the job of the Conductor because his old grandpa couldn’t work anymore. Haechan lived on that train since he could remember. It was always him and his old grandpa, in the middle of the swarm of people looking for soulmates. It made him sick to death to see all that love around him. 

I wish you didn’t hate your parents for falling in love, Haechan, his grandpa used to say.

But it would have been different if they fell in love with each other.

But they didn’t. 

The boy has been told the tale of his family of Conductors many times. It was a curse, they said. No one in his family had soulmates and they were tasked with assisting the Train instead. 

How did you and grandma decide to be together then? small Haechan asked at the time. 

Sometimes you just choose who to spend your life with. This is how your parents met as well. Your father came on this train often and never met his soulmate. Your mother understood he might be a good husband choice so she approached him and that’s how they got together. 

But then dad met another woman on the train and left my mom. 

The grandpa sighed deeply. He just met his soulmate. He didn’t do anything wrong. 

Haechan as a child couldn’t know what to say to that.

He knew something was not right but he didn’t have the vocabulary to argue back.

But as a teenager he finally understood. 

He abandoned my mom, your daughter, and he abandoned me. Don’t speak about that man ever again. 

Haechan’s grandpa would only sigh and pat his shoulder. You’re growing into a fine young man. I am proud of you. And I am sorry that happened. When you’ll meet your person you’ll understand their choices. 

I will never understand it because I don’t have a soulmate. And I surely as hell won’t marry a woman that might meet her rightful soulmate years later and leave me.

Your grandma never left me, he used to remind him. And I wish for you to have children. Who’s going to assist this Train otherwise? 

To hell with this fucking Train, Haechan would explode and run away. 

He didn’t hate the Train.

It was his home.

So when he’d calm down, sitting on the outside metal stairs and looking at the scenery no one besides him and grandpa were allowed to see, he’d realize he didn’t hate his parents either.

His mom remarried and left the Train after dad left.

Haechan wasn’t sure if she was actually in love although from her letters she seemed happy, but the memories of her time closed off in a coach on the verge of death were still haunting him. Haechan stopped reading his father’s letters altogether and started to burn them in the Locomotive. 

A young woman approached him and Haechan shook off the memories and the convoluted thoughts about you from his head. 

“How may I help you, Miss?” he placed his hands behind his back with the best custom service expression plastered on his face. 

The woman seemed embarrassed. 

“If you need anything, please, don’t hesitate to ask me,” he tried to reassure her. 

She inhaled and took a step forward. Haechan leaned down to hear her better. “Well, you know how you said the coaches makes appear everything that you want? I was-, well, I met a man and- I know he’s not my soulmate but it’s not against the rules and we’re doing fine together for now and we were well, we were wondering how to make- how not to-” 

“Get pregnant?” Haechan simply asked and the woman’s pale face turned purple from embarrassment.

She surely didn’t expect him to be that straightforward. “Usually if you really don’t want that to happen, it doesn't,” Haechan continued. “If you’ve encountered difficulties then maybe you or your partner have-,” he interrupted himself. “-a breeding kink?” 

The young woman placed her palms to her cheeks and gave him a little bow. “I understand. I think I need to go now, Sir. Thank you, Sir.” 

“You just have to-” Haechan tried again but the woman already ran away. 

“I see I’m not the only one you’re being not so professional with,” a voice made him turn around. 

__________

You were on your way for lunch. Or dinner? You lost track of time. You’ve been on that Train for less than 24 hours yet you felt like a lifetime already passed. To think you had to stay there until meeting your soulmate made you almost throw up. 

“I thought you were very excited to meet your soulmate,” Mark commented that morning, eyes closed under the fake sun in the fake seaside car.

You sighed. 

“I am.”

You were.

Or you thought you were. But somehow you lost interest. You imagined yourself inside the Train for so long that the moment you actually got on it it all lost meaning. 

And how was it possible that none of the men looked interesting enough to even have a mere conversation? The only ones approaching you were trying to get under your dress and you soon realized that romance was not the way you imagined it to be. 

“You don’t sound like excited. It’s as if you can’t wait to get off of here,” he opened one eye then turned to his side to see you better. “If you haven’t met the one yet, then what about enjoying it to the fullest until you can? It’s a place with free food and entertainment.” 

You gave him the side eye. “I do not intend to sleep around with random men. I’m a lady.” 

Mark rolled his eyes. “I’m also a gentleman and going down on people doesn’t make me less gentle.”

You almost spat your water. The Train somehow made everyone change or it opened your innocent eyes because you had no idea your childhood friend had that side of him. 

“Did you really not find anyone who’s kinda attractive? You don’t even have to know his name,” he insisted. 

Actually, there was a man whose name you didn’t know who you found very attractive. That was probably the worst part of that experience. Was it normal to be attracted to the Conductor like that? 

You shook your head. “Nonsense. I will wait for my soulmate. And no, no one around is attractive enough.” 

Mark exhaled and went back to his previous position. “I just don’t like seeing you sad.” 

“I’m not sad.” 

“Then angry.” 

“I’m not angry.” 

“You’re angry now.” 

“Because you’re pissing me off,” you sat up. “I’m going to eat.” 

You were already too confused for your liking. You didn’t need Mark Lee to investigate further.

The desire to have a soulmate was still there deep inside, the longiness and the need, yet for some reason you also felt numb to everything around you. 

Still feeling like Mark rubbed you the wrong way you almost missed the figures of the Conductor leaning down to whisper in a young gorgeous’ woman’s ear in the middle of the Library wagon. 

The woman seemed scandalized and so red that she looked like a tomato. The Conductor’s face was unfazed but a bit confused as she ran away. 

“I see I’m not the only one you’re being not so professional with,” you couldn’t help but say. 

The car was empty safe for the two of you and when he turned around you smelled his ever present scent.

It drove you insane. What kind of damn cologne was that man wearing?

“What do you go flirting with passengers for?” you crossed your arms on your chest. Maybe Mark was right and you were actually angry but seeing the Conductor’s face just added to the whole irritation, especially catching him flirting with your shy women. 

The Conductor tilted his head to the side as if genuinely surprised but also intrigued at your reaction. 

“What if someone else besides me saw you? What would happen to your position and reputation?” you went on. 

The man took his time to open his mouth and talk. “I don’t understand if you’re mad at me or if you’re worried for me.”

You lifted your chin. “Maybe both.” 

“It takes a good amount of care for both. Do you care about me?” 

He took a few steps towards you and the closeness made his voice quieter. 

You didn’t let him intimidate you with his charm. 

“I was raised a lady of good principles and seeing the Conductor of a Train meant to help people find their soulmates flirt with its passengers is not appropriate and I have to speak on it.” 

The Conductor’s smile widened. “And lurking at the time of descent in a skimpy night gown and nude feet is appropriate?”

His dark blue eyes were more stormy than usual and the moles on his face reminded you of the nightsky above you as you were waiting for the Train. 

“Coming all the way to my coach with a dizzying cleavage is appropriate?” 

His voice was so deep and close that you had to avert your gaze to catch your breath. 

“Shaking like this in my presence and being unable to look me in the face is appropriate?” he whispered so close to your lips that you inhaled and took a few steps back. 

“You’re also here to find a soulmate, Miss. Concentrate on doing that and leave other people’s business to themselves,” he added in his usual calm voice and walking around you he left you breathless and alone in the middle of the Library. 

________

Haechan reached for his tie to undo the knot and he realized his fingers were slightly shaking.

Your scent made him more on edge than usual and the fact he could still smell you on his jacket made him unreasonable mad.

And your face and expression, your hurt eyes seeng him talk to that woman, as if you were jealous, was driving him insane.

What were you thinking roaming around him like that? With your delicate blue dress and your cleavage moving up and down in that damn corset with every quick breath your took? 

He should have let you move the curtains and never see you again. 

Haechan walked the distance from the entrance door of the car to the Bar and without caring about anyone he walked behind it and poured himself a shot of whiskey. 

“Hard day?” a voice made him sigh deeply before turning around. 

He forced himself to smile. “I am not in service right now,” he lied to excuse his drinking on the job. 

The young man waved his hand. “No one would care anyway. They’re either on a date or uhh fucking.” 

“Would you like one?” Haechan indicated the bottle, ignoring the man’s choice of words.

The other nodded. “I’m Jeno.” 

He expected Haechan’s name in return but the Conductor never tells his name to passengers. “I hope you’re enjoying your stay,” Haechan said instead, pushing a glass towards Jeno. 

The latter took it and winced after downing it. “I’m not here for that. I’m actually a journalist.” 

Haechan fought the urge to roll his eyes. There was one of two of them every year trying to gather some kind of hidden information about the Train. Haechan also thought there were some secrets about it growing up but it was a pretty straight forward thing. Just a Train in which you can meet your soulmate. Nothing more.

Well, that until he met you and your scent got under his skin. 

“Is there something specific you’re writing about?” Haechan politely asked. 

“Is it true that soulmates understand they’re soulmates because of each other’s scent?” he asked, and a writing pad materialized in front of him. 

Haechan eyed his pen ready to take notes then his face. “You should ask the passengers. I am not someone who has a soulmate.” 

“So it’s true that the Conductor has no soulmate.” 

“Yes. It’s not a secret.” 

Jeno nodded, not writing anything as if that wasn’t the information he was actually seeking out of him. 

“My parents said there’s no such thing as scent. They’re also divorced,” he said. 

Haechan sighed. Another young man hurt by that Train and his parents. “Sometimes people come here and go home together even if they’re not sure they’re actual soulmates. Maybe your parents mistook their union for a soulmate bond but it was just infatuation.” 

“Shouldn’t this place guarantee a soulmate union?” Jeno asked. He looked very angry and Haechan could understand why. “What’s the purpose of this Train then? Let people choose each other on land at this point.” 

“It’s called free choice. The Train knows who’s an actual soulmate pair and usually it doesn’t stop for couples who are not actually bonded. This is why the train is not stopping now for all the people who are- uh, fucking.” Haechan was too exhausted to choose a more gentlemanly term for that. 

Jeno didn’t seem to care. “Then why did it stop for my parents?” 

“They probably insisted for it to stop. The Train doesn’t go against the free choice.” 

Jeno poured another shot, gave it to Haechan and took a deep gulp straight from the bottle. 

“Nice chat, Conductor. Can I ask to leave now?” 

Haechan kept quiet for a moment. “You should stay until you meet someone or until the Journey comes to an end. If you leave now you will not be allowed to come back.” 

“There’s no such thing,” Jeno whispered and got up, walking towards the windows. With one quick hand he moved the curtains away. The Train stopped slowly on its tracks and Haechan sighed. 

“Please follow me. I’ll escort you to the exit for going against the rules."

__________

Is it true that soulmates understand they’re soulmates because of each other’s scent?

That phrase has been haunting you for the following hours.

You were rolling in bed from the moment you decided to try and sleep after pacing your coach for a while.

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop.

You didn’t even mean to follow the Conductor but his pace was urgent and the curiosity still hasn’t killed you, especially after that heated conversation you had in the Library.

Shaking in his presence and being unable to look him in the face? He could see that? What was going on and why were you feeling like committing the biggest crime you could think of?

No, why was the Conductor with his deep eyes and his pillowy lips and his smooth voice the only thing you could think of when you were on that dam Train to find your soulmate?

The Conductor walked towards the Bar and you remained back in the smaller corridor, watching his throat gulp that brown liquid like it was water. Why did he look so upset? Was it you? Or was it his missed opportunity with that lady that you interrupted?

You felt stupid spying him like that and you were about to turn around and walk away when the voice of a second man made you stop in your tracks. 

I’m actually a journalist, the man said and you wondered what the Conductor would say back. Would he accept to give the journalist information?

Is it true that soulmates understand they’re soulmates because of each other’s scent? You felt your blood turn to ice. What did he mean by that? Scents? Your parents didn’t tell you anything about that. 

But then the following exchange of information made you feel even worse. 

You should ask the passengers. I am not someone who has a soulmate.

So it’s true that the Conductor has no soulmate.

Yes. It’s not a secret.

Mark looked like a baby chick with his hair ruffled around his face. But you could tell it was from simple sleeping and not messing around with someone’s daughter’s insides. 

You pushed him back into his coach after he opened the door and you sat down. 

“Wow, when I told you to look around and decide who to fuck I didn’t think that someone would be-” 

You interrupted him. “Mark, tell me everything you know about the Train, soulmates, and-” you stopped for a second, “the Conductor.” 

Mark blinked hard as if unable to keep his eyes open and laid back in his bed. “It’s the middle of the night.” 

“Actually I’ve been trying to keep track of the time and it should be middle of the afternoon.” 

“Well, everything here is fucked and for me it’s middle of the night. Why are you so curious all of a sudden?” 

You sighed and relaxed in the dark red velvety couch. “Have you ever heard of people feeling their soulmate’s scent more that other people’s?” 

Mark hummed, one hand to scratch his forehead. “Yes. Johnny talked about it but at the time I thought it was something stupid people in love notice about each other. He said his partner smelled like patchouli and warm spices.” 

You lifted your legs up to warm them under your night gown. “And your parents?” 

“Dad said mom smells like lavender and mom said dad smells like woody herbal amber or something like that,” he chuckled, shaking his head. 

He then opened his eyes and got up to sit, mirroring you. “Why? Did you meet someone whose scent is intense for you?” 

You wondered if telling him the truth. “No, I just-” you played with a loose string along the hem of your gown, “I overheard a man talking about his parents never mentioning any scent and they’re divorced now.” 

Mark leaned forwards. “Are you worried that your parents are not real soulmates since they also never mentioned scents?”

Actually that didn’t even cross your head but you realized that might be a possibility. You didn’t want your parents to divorce or anything. 

“Oh, come on. I’m sure that’s not the case at all,” Mark came to sit beside you and wrapped your shoulders with his arms. You weren’t there because of your parents but Mark felt warm and comfortable to lean on so you didn’t correct him. 

“What about the Conductor?” he then asked and you hoped he couldn’t feel the way you tensioned in his hold. “What did you want to know?” 

You gulped and sat straight, letting Mark’s arms fall to your waist instead. “I’ve heard he doesn't have a soulmate.” 

Mark nodded. “I’ve heard that too. Honestly I thought he would be some kind of very ancient man. At least, my parents said he’s very old, but maybe this is a new one.” 

You kept quiet, biting your lower lip. 

“What is it that you’re not telling me?” Mark whispered. 

You lifted your gaze and his big sparkly eyes gave you the courage to open your mouth. 

“If the Conductor has no soulmate, and soulmates feel each other’s scent, then why do I feel the Conductor’s scent everywhere I go?” 

________

After Mark collected his jaw from the floor and you kept him up brainstorming the whole night, you met both early in the morning over breakfast to further discuss the possibility of you and the Conductor being soulmates. 

“Not to put you down or anything,” he repeated, “but I’ve never heard of anyone bonding with the Conductor.” 

You sighed staring down your coffee with no desire to drink it but knowing it would wake you up. 

“I know, Mark, this is why I’m so dumbfounded.”

“I mean, also the original Conductor was a mummy of an old man. Maybe that’s why no one bonded with him. Maybe he was married already and that's how the rumour of him not having a soulmate started.”

You had a sip of the bitter liquid and winced. You were glad Mark was playing devil’s advocate with himself because you had no more force to discuss all the different points of view. 

“I don’t even think it matters. He warned me multiple times to leave him alone and find a soulmate. How would being soulmates with him even work? Where would the Train stop? Would I be forced to stay here? Being the Conductress? Forever?” you felt like descending into madness. 

“Listen, calm down. I think the solution is to check it myself first. We find him, I smell him. If it’s just his high quality cologne then you can put your mind at ease.” 

You didn’t want to ask what would happen if he couldn’t smell anything but maybe your desperate eyes told him your feelings because he sighed.

“And if I don’t smell anything, I try to rizz him up and I’ll be like dang you look like you know your cologne. Can you show me your collection? And I go to his coach and I smell all of the bottles and if it’s any of them we know it’s just his perfume and not his actual scent.” 

You opened your mouth. 

“And-” he interrupted lifting one finger, “if it’s none of them then we will come back here and brainstorm together. He’s an attractive man. Maybe you’re just sexually attracted to him. I bet that if you tried and fucked-”

“I will not fuck the Conductor,” you said, perhaps too loudly. You both looked around. 

You lowered your voice. “I don’t know what’s going on but having that kind of relation with him doesn’t sound like a good idea.” 

Mark leaned back in his chair. “Okay then. I’ll start by going on with my plan then we’ll see.”

You exhaled and nodded once. “That sounds like such a stupid plan.” 

Mark’s smile widened. “At least something fun is happening in this stupid Train besides drinking and sleeping around.” 

________

Haechan finished his morning routine walk across all wagons and sighed looking at his pocket watch. Soon everyone would be done with breakfast and would go about their business. He had to go and assist in the enternatinment wagons in some time as well. 

Then he felt a pair of eyes on his back and lifted one eyebrow. 

“What can I do for you, sir?” he turned around to see your little friend fake confidence leaning on a wall.

If Haechan didn’t know better he’d think the young man was trying to flirt. 

“Oh, hello there Conductor. Or maybe I should say-” Mark stopped his phrase as if waiting for Haechan to say his name. 

“Conductor is fine,” he smiled, joining his gloved hands together in front of him. 

“Right right. I will not push any boundaries. I was just wondering, like from a gentleman to another gentleman, if you can aid me choosing a cologne.” 

Whatever Haechan expected that man to say it wasn’t that.

He had to suppress a laugh. 

“A cologne, sir?” 

Mark walked around him casually. “I mean, I am here to meet a soulmate and I thought damn what if I don’t smell good? That’s my biggest fear actually, you know?” he put his hand on the chest to convey how intensely he felt about not smelling good. 

“When you’ll meet your soulmate, sir, they will think you smell like their favourite scent, so no need to worry.” 

Mark stopped in his tracks and his stupid fake expression fell. “You said soulmates smell like their favourite scents just now?” 

Haechan exhaled. “That’s what I said, sir.” He really hated repeating himself. 

Mark kept looking at him so Haechan was about to excuse himself and bid the weird man farewell but then the awareness of his behaviour washed over him like a cold wave and he stopped in place.

Haechan lifted his gaze and met Mark’s intense black eyes. 

“Are you not curious why I am asking you about scents, Mister Conductor?” his voice suddenly became lower. 

“I am not a curious man, sir,” Haechan straightened his tie with the intention of leaving. He didn’t like where all of that was going.

But Mark took a step to the side, blocking his way. 

“So what’s your favourite scent?”

Haechan fought the urge to grab the dude and physically move him away. “I like clean and fresh scents, sir.” 

“And what does Y/N smell like?”

Haechan put his tongue in the cheek and flared his nostrils. “I wouldn’t know.”

_________

Mark thought about keeping this all a secret from you. Being soulmates with the Conductor of the Soulmates Train didn’t sound like a great time. It was like falling in love with Death when it comes to kill you. But he wasn’t going to be a bad friend. 

He told you to wait in the Seaside wagon in hopes you could relax hearing the sea waves, but when he entered he found you fidgeting instead. 

“How did it go?” you walked up to him but he exhaled and dragged you towards the lounge chairs.

He didn’t know what you wanted to hear, if confirmation that the Conductor was your soulmate, or if you wanted nothing to do with him. 

“First of all, he doesn’t smell like anything to me,” Mark said. “He just has a normal clean person scent. Like any other person.” 

You swallowed and inhaled shakily, letting the information sink in. 

“Second of all, he said soulmates smell like each other’s favourite scents.” 

You opened your mouth but nothing came out of it.

“What does he smell like to you, Y/N? Is it flowers?” 

Mark knew you’ve always loved that scent. The sweet but fresh perfume of flowers with their infinite colours. 

He didn’t need you to answer, he saw it in your pupils. You watched Mark close his eyes for a moment and exhale then open them again. 

“It’s not all,” he said. “He behaved weirdly when I mentioned you. I have a hunch that he can sense your scent as well.” 

________

I think you should talk about it together, Mark suggested, but you couldn’t just do that, could you? He was the Conductor after all. Such thing was impossible. 

Also, for how much you loved Mark, risking such improper behaviour only because of a hunch was too much for you. 

You thought you were afraid of not finding a soulmate. Growing up that has been your everlasting fear; yet your brain has never even taken into consideration the perspective of finding your soulmate in a man you could not have. 

For how much you’ve been wanting to see him, bump into him, or exchange a few stupid words to each other in the past days, your felt the same equal amount of desire to avoid him at all costs. 

You thought you wanted Mark to come back and tell you that it was just the Conductor’s overbearing cologne. You wanted him to say he smelt it too and that is confirmation that he couldn’t possibly be your soulmate.

Yet when he fed your idea that the Conductor might be your man the relief was so intense that you almost cried. 

It drove you insane. 

The following days you haven’t seen the Conductor once. Perhaps the encounter with Mark made him uncomfortable and he decided to avoid you as well. What if he though you were some kind of creep? He did warn you to leave him alone and concentrate on finding a soulmate instead. Was it possible to have a one sided soulmate? 

Somehow you felt like that situation was all your fault. Maybe that was the death moment of the curiousity saying, because you kinda felt like dying slowly if you thought about any other man. Maybe if you didn’t go to see the descending moment, maybe if you didn’t sleep with his jacket, maybe if you didn’t go and find him in the Locomotive, maybe if you didn’t confront him in the Library, you wouldn’t feel like that.

Maybe maybe maybe. 

“I know this is not good friend advice, but you could get your mind off of him by, you know, using someone else,” Mark shrugged, peeling an apple with a knife.

You sighed, pulling your summer hat lower on your eyes. The seaside car soon became you and Mark’s favourite. “You know what? Maybe you’re right.” 

“You finally gave in my temptation?” he wigled his eyebrows. 

“Yes. You’re the little devil sitting on my shoulder.” 

Mark cut a piece of apple and ate it off the knife. “I can introduce you to some fine gentlemen.” 

You snorted. “I saw the gentlemen you have around Mark Lee.” 

“And? Are they not fine?” 

“You can have them.” 

Mark rolled his eyes. “Do you want to have fun or not?” 

“I do. But I’m not sure if fucking random men is what I consider peak of amusement,” you replied. Mark didn’t say anything so you kept going. “Although, I noticed that the light brow hair man is not bad. I think his name is Jaehyun. He has nice hands and a great smile. I do enjoy a good dimple.” 

You expected Mark to laugh at you but he remained quiet safe for a little nudge he gave you. You sighed. “The other J name man is not bad either. He’s tall and he looks gentle like a puppy.” 

“Uhm,” Mark said and nudged you again. 

“What? You said I should sleep with one of them,” you slid away the hat to give him a venomous side eye when your mouth dropped open. 

Mark was looking at you with a little tight smile and in front of you, almost covering the artificial sun of the wagon, was standing the Conductor. 

“I apologize, Miss. I didn’t want to interrupt your- uh lovely monologue,” he tilted his stupid hat. 

You sat up feeling your body on fire. Then you looked at Mark who gave you a small apologetic smile. 

Your mouth was dry and you had no idea what was the appropriate thing to say to someone who overheard you talk about fornication. 

His scent should have told you he was there, but maybe you got so used to it that you were feeling it everywhere, messing with your perceptions. 

“Good day, sir,” you stupidly said. 

“I was just making sure you’re enjoying your stay,” the Conductor looked at you first, then Mark. “From your conversation I assume everything is fine.” His eyes looked black in the shadow and the little line between his eyebrow looked like a crack in his otherwise perfect face.

You gulped and bit your lower lip. 

“Just a precaution. I told this the lady that stopped me in the Library the other day also, if you remember. As a contraceptive, please make sure to strongly desire to not get pregnant, so the Train can take care of you.” 

________

The fact that useless friend of yours ambushed him like that told Haechan that you probably felt his scent everywhere as well.

And you must have spoken about it in such a way that made Mark investigate.

It made Haechan’s fingers tingle and they’d tingle ever more when he’d slid them underneath his covers at night, and fuck his fist to the image of you until he had to push his face into the pillow to muffle his groans. 

Everything was a mess and for the first time in his life Haechan didn’t know what to do. 

The letter he wrote his grandpa asking for advice was still unsent, looking at him from his desk.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to expose himself like that to his family. His grandpa would be nothing but supportive.

I knew you’d find a partner. See, now you understand it. It makes sense how your parents felt, doesn’t it?

Because no. Haechan didn’t understand it and his parents’ behaviour still didn’t make sense to him. Also, he hated to hear others say I told you so. 

But also, his family never mentioned the possibility of a full-on soulmate. They said someone random. Someone that couldn’t find anyone else. Someone who would accept Haechan as a second choice. 

He rolled in bed, the stickiness of his desire still coating his hand. Then he huffed and got up to wash.

His desire. It was such a foreign feeling to him to leave him breathless.

Yet it felt so familiar that he felt like he could finally breathe deeply. It felt like things were finally right, like he was finally home. 

That morning he didn’t follow with his duties thoroughly as usual. The Train stopped twice and he looked behind his shoulder to check whether you were there, in your skimpy underdress and nude feet.

But you weren’t. 

He tried to ignore you for the past few days and apparently you were doing the same. 

Yet, he could feel your scent in the whole Train, as if you’ve just left the wagon he entered.

He wondered if you felt him everywhere as well. 

In the afternoon, he couldn’t take it anymore so he followed the trail. He would just give you a short look, something to further fuel his autodestructive night fantasies. 

You were in the Seaside car, as usual, your dress ridden up your thighs on that chaise longue and Haechan wondered how could Mark concentrate on cutting that apple without cutting his finger when you looked like that besides him. 

“I know this is not good friend advice, but you could get your mind off of him by, you know, using someone else,” Mark shrugged. 

Haechan stopped in place. He wasn’t eavesdropping. You were talking loudly enough for everyone to hear. But he didn’t want you to sense him.

You wanted to get your mind off of whom? Haechan?

“You know what? Maybe you’re right,” you replied and Haechan tightened his fist in his white glove. The image of you sleeping with someone else suddenly appeared in front of Haechan’s irises made the seaside car look like the north pole instead. 

“You finally gave in my temptation?” that useless fellow asked and Haechan has never wanted to have a fist fight with a passenger more.

Of course, he wondered already if Mark was your soulmate and you both dumb idiots didn’t notice.

Maybe that’s why Mark even inquired about scents in the first place.

But why was Haechan sensing your scent if you were taken and why did the Train not stop for you two if that was the case?

Could the Conductors curse be that cruel? Making Haechan fall in love with a woman he could not have?

“I can introduce you to some fine gentlemen,” Mark said and Haechan didn’t know if he should feel relieved Mark wasn’t offering himself for your entertainment or be jealous at the idea of someone else touching you. 

He decided to intervene. 

“I do. But I’m not sure if fucking random men is what I consider peak of amusement,” you replied right when Mark lifted his gaze and a piece of apple fell from his mouth on the fine sand at his feet.

Haechan gave him a venomous look and opened his mouth to interrupt your scandalous monologue. 

But you went on. “Although, I noticed that the light brow hair man is not bad. I think his name is Jaehyun. He has nice hands and a great smile. I do enjoy a good dimple.” 

Haechan felt his jaw muscles twitch. “The other J name man is not bad either. He’s tall and he looks gentle like a puppy,” you continued. 

Mark had the decency to look scared. 

“I apologize, Miss. I didn’t want to interrupt your lovely monologue,” Haechan finally said as you finally realized what was going on. 

He came there like a thirsty man to have a single drop of water and you were thinking of sleeping with other men instead.

Haechan felt like stopping the Train and descending himself. 

Your eyes were glossy when you looked up at him, maybe from the sun but also from the embarrassment.

Haechan felt like making you feel even worse. 

________

Your gaze followed the Conductor’s spine as he exited the wagon and you let a single pained whine as you burrowed your face into your palms. 

“Mark Lee.” 

The poor Mark got up and away from you as if he could sense you might take your frustration out on him. 

“It’s not my fault.” 

You let your hands fall in your lap. “Now he thinks I’m a whore.” 

“I don’t think that changes anything. You don’t need his opinion or approval.” 

You got up with another whine. “He ignored me for days and now that he approached me again he overheard me talk about who of your friends I might fuck.” 

Mark finished his apple. “Hey. Wasn’t that your intention? Getting rid of him? Forgetting him?” 

You exhaled.

Yes, but why did it feel so bad?

_______

They all eyed you the following night - the first ball party of the season, the little card said.

This time the ink didn’t smudge when it appeared on your nightstand out of thin air and it didn’t look like it was written by hand.

One detail made you bite your lower lip. Wear masks, the card said.

The car that was hosting it was huge and you realized it must have been some sort of optical illusion to make the space feel so big. The center was empty and you assumed it was for dancing. Most people were standing near the refreshment tables or near the walls and the exciting but nervous air made your skin shiver. Everyone from the train was there and you realized it was the perfect moment to meet a soulmate. 

With uncertain feet in your high heels you reached towards the drinks but the glasses didn’t move from the tray. 

“You need to say what you want and the glass unglues itself,” the Conductor said and his long fingers appeared in front of you. They wrapped the leg of a glass. “Champagne,” he said and the glass remained in his hand. 

You didn’t dare to look at him. “I didn’t know Conductors were allowed to drink,” you tried, remembering the time he felt the need to have that wiskey shot in the bar. 

“How do you know I am the Conductor?” he asked. His voice was low but light and amused. 

You turned around quickly to see a black mask, leaving nothing but an anonymous jawline and a pair of lips. His hair was covered by a silver crown and in his elegant suit no one could have noticed who he was.

But you did.

You cursed at yourself.

The Conductor leaned closer. “Is it because of my scent?” he whispered. 

You gulped and looked away towards the drinks tray. 

“So you admit it,” you murmured, wondering if someone was looking at you. 

“Admit what?” he asked. 

The crowd of people cheered and you assumed a new couple formed.

The intermission helped you cool your head. 

“I don’t know the names of all the drinks,” you changed subject. 

The Conductor didn’t seem surprised. “Which one do you want?”

“I don’t know. The least dangerous looking one.” 

“Bubbles,” he ordered and then gave you the glass full of sparkly liquid. It smelled fruity. 

“Thank you,” you said. 

“Do you always go for the least dangerous looking thing?” he turned around and looked towards the hall.

Some brave couples started to dance and you enjoyed the way the ladies gowns flowed under the golden lights. 

“Yes.” 

“Are you sure?” he smiled once before taking a sip of his drink. 

“Yes,” you took a sip of your bubbles as well. They buzzed on your tongue. 

“So you didn’t avoid me because you were afraid of me the past few days.” 

It wasn’t a question.

“You knew where to find me if you wanted to see one of your passengers. This is your Train.” 

The Conductor let his gaze fall on your face. “I did find you. You were talking about very interesting arguments.”

You gimaced, thinking of the Seaside Wagon incident. “It was just talk. I did not-” you started to explain the you realized how stupid it sounded trying to justify your actions, or non-actions, to him. 

The Conductor sipped from his drink in silence. You couldn’t read his face normally, and with that mask you really had no idea what he was thinking. 

“Are you upset I didn’t contact you all of these days?” he asked instead. "It was my understanding you were trying to forget someone by engaging in those actions and I am self centred enough to think that someone was me."

His honesty left you breathless. You considered lying. Admitting it would have been too humiliating. “No. I understand why you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.” 

“Which is?” 

“I look like a crazy woman who claims you’re her soulmate because you smell like flowers,” you blurted out before realizing what you just said.

Your hands in your white lacey gloves started to shake. 

The man remained quiet for a moment then he chuckled. “Really? I smell that nice to you?” 

You exhaled. “This is not a laughing matter.”

The Conductor analyzed your expression. “I apologize. I didn’t realize how this made you feel.” 

His tone gave you the courage to look him in the eyes. Even behind the mask they looked alive, torbid like the dark deep sea. 

But looking was a mistake. 

“I suppose it’s something common for you,” you inhaled, starting to hate the everlasting flowers perfume surrounding him. “Women with soulmate claims over you, that is,” you explained. 

The Conductor looked in front of himself and took another sip. “Yes. I am a charming man afterall.” 

You hated him. Was he punishing you? Or did he actually not care about you at all?

“Well, I avoided you because I wanted to say I had no claims. Take this as a compliment on you smelling decently and let’s move on.” 

“And what moving on means for you?” he inquired. 

“Acting as normal Train Conductor and Passenger,” you took another sip of your bubbles. It started to taste too sour. 

“Tonight many couples will make the Train stop,” he announced. “Would you like to see?” 

You turned towards him and you locked eyes. “Does that sound like normal Conductor and Passenger behaviour to you?” 

The young man laughed at your scolding. “I just know you’re curious.” 

“Why would you be kind to me like that? Do you want to push me out of the Train as you’ve expressed your interests towards doing before?” 

“I wouldn’t mind getting rid of you actually,” he joked and you could tell he didn’t mean it.

But the tears that secretly collected in your eyes during that conversation were close to falling to your cheeks. You left his side quickly but not before hearing him call out your name. 

________

Y/N. 

For some reason you thought he didn’t even know the names of every passenger.

Was that normal behaviour? From Miss to nothing to your actual first name. 

He pissed you off. 

He pissed you off so badly that the tears streaming down your cheeks were tears of anger, you decided. 

“Oh heavens. Are you alright, dear?” a young woman stopped in tracks with her man. 

“Yes, thank you, Miss,” you bowed a little holding your skirts. You wanted to get out of that car.

No. You wanted to get out of the damn Train. 

Was it normal for love to hurt like that? Was all of that even love? 

You had no idea afterall.

Everyone said you would just know and everything would fall into place. You’d have the best experience and make the Train stop to settle down with the love of your life. Then why all of those people felt like nothing around you and the only man your heart ached for you couldn’t have? 

“Hey hey hey,” Mark stopped you by putting his hands on your shoulders. 

You were barely seeing where you were walking. 

“What happened?” he asked. “Did you see him?” 

Bless Mark and his everknowing third eye. 

You gave him a little nod and he pouted his lips, holding you into his arms. “There there. It’s alright. It’s okay.” 

The people walking around you gave you some looks as they tried to reach the ball hall but you didn’t care. 

“Mark, can you be my soulmate so we can go home and live together in a cottage?” you joked, your voice was muffled against his shoulder and you heard him chuckle.

“Actually-” he trailed off and you let him go, rubbing your eyes and finally eying the person on his side who was patiently waiting for you to calm down. 

“I want to introduce you to my-” he added then interrupted himself again, looking at the smiling person with eyes you’ve never saw him have. “-the love of my life,” he finished. 

________

Your coach felt like the safest place on earth and your cell at the same time. 

After the congratulatory moments and after starting to cry again because you realized how happy you were for your best friend to have found the person he was going to spend his life with, the sad tears came along again as you realized that he was probably going to leave the Train that same evening. 

We’ll come visiting often. Afterall I’m leaving my parents and friends behind as well and I want to see them again, he assured you. 

You sighed and sat down on your bed.

The reflection the mirror in the corner gave you back made you jolt a bit. You cleaned the running mascara from your cheeks and laid down waiting for the Train to stop, trying to empty your brain.

The Conductor’s voice echoing in your head couldn’t let you fall asleep. Why was he behaving like that? Was he that cruel? Couldn’t he actual see what was going on? 

When the Train’s rumbling stopped and you heard the chatter of some couples walking down the corridor you sat back up and opened the coach’s door. 

Mark squeezed you in a tight hug then gave you a thumbs up as he passed in front of you with his luggage and, after some other people, you saw the Conductor closing the line.

He stopped in front of your door and opened his mouth as you locked eyes but then he probaby changed his mind because he closed it soon after in a tight line and followed the rest of the people. 

You remained quiet behind his back and none of the passengers looked like minding having another spectator, so deeply lost in their partner’s eyes. 

“Thank you for traveling with us. I wish you happiness,” the Conductor said, repeating the same phrase you heard him say that first time you witnessed a passengers descent. 

Mark lifted his hand to wave and you exhaled, waving back, feeling tears prick your eyes as he turned around and walked towards the Station.

The Conductor remained there for the following moments and you somehow knew he did it for you. 

“He’ll do fine,” he said after a moment of quiet. 

“I know,” you simply replied. 

“Y/N,” he turned around and you inhaled taking a step back. 

“Don’t call me by my name. We’re not on those terms.” 

The Conductor hesitated but then he took a step inside and the doors closed behind him.

Your gaze was on his shiny shoes so he hunched his back a little to make you look at his face instead. 

The cry and the other events calmed you down by now but seeing his face made all of those feelings resurface.

You forced yourself to look at his eyes the way he cleary wanted you to. 

“My name is Haechan,” he murmured straightening his back. “Would that make us be on those terms now?” 

Your fingers fidgeted at the sound of his name and your lips fought the urge to say it out loud. 

“Why?” you asked instead. “Why are you being mean to me?”

“I’m not trying to be mean,” he got closer to you and you took a few steps back again. 

“I don’t want to be close to you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to be on first name terms with you. I wish for you to leave me alone if you don’t want anything to do with me.”

Haechan kept moving forward as you moved back until you hit the wall with your blades. He got as close as to rest his palms near your head on the wooden wall.

And when he leaned in and rubbed your cheek with the tip of his nose you forgot how to breathe. 

“You smell like fresh cotton and linen,” he whispered with the most desperate tone you heard a man speak. It was so tender that it clouded your mind. “It engulfed me the same instant I opened the doors that night. You’re not insane, I feel it too.” 

He straightened his back and looked you in the eyes. “The soulmate bond,” he added. “This is why you’re irritable when you’re away from me. This is why no one seems interesting to you, why this Journey feels boring. It’s not because you haven’t met the one yet. It’s because you have.” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat. 

“And? What now?” you didn’t let his sweet words sway you although all you wanted was for him to wrap his arms around you and press those pillowy lips on yours. 

“The truth is I am as lost as you are,” he let his arms fall to his sides. “This is not supposed to happen.” 

“I figured.” 

“I come from the Conductors family,” he started. “Traditionally we do not have soulmates. Our people-” he stopped, as if unsure of how to explain. “-breed by choosing random people they want to be with. Sometimes the couples stay together. Sometimes they don’t if the person who’s not from this family actually meets their rightful soulmate.” 

“Do you know of anyone who separated that way?” you asked although from his eyes you could tell that he did. 

“My parents.” 

You bit your lower lip. “I am sorry,” you wrapped your nudes arms. 

“Are you cold?” he asked but you cut him off seeing his hands going to unbutton his outwear. 

“Don’t you dare giving me your jacket,” you warned him. “It-” you stopped suddenly very embarrassed. “-was a lot to handle the first time,” you settled for, as drove me insane felt too much. 

“I know,” he looked as nervous and for a moment it made you feel better. You also never realized how young he was. He was probably just around your age. “It made me feel a certain well, too,” he added. 

You looked behind him and you realized your coach was just around the corner. Haechan let you walk around him and open the door, grabbing a shawl to put around your shoulders. 

“Come inside. It’s warmer here,” you let your head peek around the corner. 

Haechan felt too big for your coach, you realized, seeing him sitting on the deep dark chairs.

As if knowing to not give you any kind of temptation, there was no bed inside.

You made a mental note to ask Haechan how did the Train knew such stuff. 

“I am as unprepared as you are,” he spoke after a while, resuming his discourse. 

You knew that conversation was due to happen but it didn’t make you feel less nervous. 

“My grandfather never mentioned something like this happen to me. He just assumed I might end up seeing someone with no soulmate. My grandmother was one of them and they haven’t separated. Although now I wonder if she met someone else and actively chose my grandfather instead because of some kind of principle sentiment.” 

All of that raw information made your heart ache. You’ve never thought about the Conductor’s family growing up. You’ve never ever heard of people with no soulmate whatsoever. 

“Would that be that bad?” you asked in a tiny voice. 

His eyes were fiery when he looked at you but you knew he wasn’t mad at you. “Would you enjoy the thought of someone being with you because they feel sorry or because of a promise they made although they’re madly in love with someone else?”

You gulped and looked down at your hands in your lap. 

“You think that would be our situation?” 

The man didn’t reply. You took it for a yes. 

“Or are you afraid I’d leave you after a while? Because you think you’re not my actual soulmate?” 

“I don’t know,” he exhaled. “You’d think for a Conductor of the Soulmates Train I’d be more well versed in these heart affairs,” he chuckled bitterly. 

He closed his eyes and you felt brave enough to stare at his face. You’ve never had the opportunity to see his features for that long. He was so gorgeous that your heart felt like bleeding and the thought of you meeting someone else that would make you feel more than that that felt inimaginable. The thought of him with some other woman felt even worse. 

“If I can’t have you-” you started unable to keep your mouth shut. “I think I’ll just not have anyone else. I can’t even imagine-”

The man smiled and opened his eyes. They were the same deep blue that made you feel like suffocating the first time you saw them. “I am flattered you think this way now.” 

“I’m not going to change my mind.” 

“I love a challenge.” 

He was pissing you off. You told him just that. 

His laugh was so pristine that you felt a little smile bloom on your face as well. 

“Then what? I’ll just finish this Journey and go home? Then I’ll see you next year? Does this make sense to you?” you tried to reason. 

His story was so sad that it made your heart bleed but the relief that washed over you felt so good that it was making you dizzy. He was into you too. He could sense your scent too. He desired you too. You would not let him go away. 

“Sounds good,” he replied with a tiny breathy voice. 

You rolled your eyes. “No, it doesn’t.” 

“Then what? You wish to stay here with me? Forever? On the Train?” he asked instead. 

You bit your lower lip. “Where do you stay when it’s not Soulmates season?” 

Haechan sat lower on the chair and his extended and spread legs made you curse at yourself for finding that attractive. “I live on the Train. Always had.” 

“You just stay here alone? The whole year?” you leaned in surprised. 

The man shrugged. “I had my Grandpa before. It wasn’t that bad. And I don’t know another world besides this one so I don’t miss it.”

“Where is he now?”

Haechan looked towards the window as if actually seeing what was behind that curtain. He probably knew what was behind it, you realized. 

“He’s living with my mother. He couldn’t work anymore as he was too old.” 

You leaned back in your chair as well and lifted your legs to rest them near him.

Haechan turned his head towards them and lifted one hand, letting his fingers trail the arch of one of them making you twitch. 

He looked at your surprised expression and his eyelashes were heavy on his eyes. 

Then he inserted two fingers between the hem of one of his white gloves and took it off, letting it fall to the ground. Then he did the same with his other hand. 

You couldn’t speak.

No, you couldn’t think. 

His fingers were slender and his touch was warm as he caressed your arch again, this time making you fully shiver. Seeing his bare hands shouldn’t have made you feel that way. 

“Haechan,” you murmured, maybe as a warning, or maybe because you simply wanted to say his name. 

“Y/N,” he said back, taking your feet and placing them on top of one of his thighs. He then looked down at them, slowly touching your ankles too, going up as much as he could reach which was too much for your dizzy head giving the crampness of the coach. You could have sworn it wasn’t so small before. 

You hummed as he reached your knee, letting your skirts fall to your thighs in the movement. And when he reached the clasps of your garter keeping the tights up you jolted. 

“I don’t think we should be doing this,” your voice wavered. 

“I know,” he breathed out, yet his hands didn’t move away and you didn’t push them away either. 

They kept going up, over your skirts this time until reaching the back of your corset which was starting to feel way too tight. 

Haechan slowly slid down between your legs, on his knees, as if guided by a string coming from inside of you. The view made you mewl and the thought of doing this with anyone besides him sounded abhorrent in that moment.

The first pull made you inhale and put your hands on his shoulders. They felt firm. 

The second pull at your corset made you bite your lower lip and Haechan’s pupils darted to it. 

“Haechan,” you called out again, this time softly, like a prayer. 

“Yes, darling,” he leaned even closer to you, attentive to your expression and reactions. 

The pet name knocked the air out of your lungs.

“If-” you swallowed thickly, “if we have to separate-, please, I want-” 

Haechan patiently waited for more. His eyes, his fucking eyes, they were so deep, and his lips, so so close to you. You could have just leaned forward and tasted them. 

You felt like going insane. 

“Remember when you said that you’d-” you changed the route of the phrase thinking it would be easier but you stopped again.

Haechan exhaled and pulled another string from your corset. “What is it that you want?” 

“I want you to be my first.”

________

Something inside Haechan’s brain was screaming that it was all a mistake, that he was doing something he shouldn’t have.

But Haechan has been a very good boy his whole life while everyone around him made mistakes with not a single worry in the world. Warm between your legs he didn’t care if he’ll regret it. 

But hearing you he stopped, inches away from your mouth. Your heavy breath was matching his and your cleaveage still tightly restricted in that corset made him wonder if you could feel how hard he was against the heavy skirts of your dress. 

“I need to hear you ask me again, explicitly, and I need to hear you say that you’re aware this might be a mistake and you might regret it,” he grunted. 

You fanned your lashes at him with that pure expression of yours. 

“I want you to make me yours and I am aware of all of the consequences,” you murmured. 

Your tone and the polite choice of words made him want to scream. 

“Please,” you added and Haechan couldn’t take it anymore.

He leaned towards you and grabbed your chin with one hand, tasting the tender skin of your neck instead of your lips. 

You exhaled and trembled against him, your pulse beating so fast underneath his tongue that he wondered how plump and wet you were between your legs. 

So soft and malleable in his arms you let him gently push you into the bed that materialized underneath you. 

________

The Conductor’s eyes were so deep that they looked almost black. His body felt so good on top of yours that you wondered if he could let his weight down even more to fully engulf you with his presence.

You couldn’t imagine feeling such intensity with someone else. He didn’t trust you with your feelings but the moment his lips pressed on yours you were sure he had to be your soulmate or nothing in life would have made sense. 

And when you finally slid your hands in his hair you found it was as soft as you imagined.

His wet velvety tongue on your throat made you mewl in ways you’ve never heard yourself sound before.

Then he kissed your boiling skin on your clavicle and when he reached the swell of your breasts you felt on fire. 

“Hng,” you whimpered, feeling his warm and wide palms press on your waist and slide underneath until he pulled up to sit. He never stopped kissing your body, not even when he pulled harshly at the corset strings to finally undo it. 

You gasped at the sudden freeing sensation and shyly let your arms up for him to drag it up and let it fall to the side. 

He cupped your free breasts soon after under the thinner dress material and you threw your head back. 

Not in a million years you would regret that. It wasn’t possible. 

And when your back hit the mattress again Haechan finally kissed you, slowly, brushing your lips together first, then delicately taking your upper lip between his, letting you taste his bottom one. Your fingers deepened the pressure on his shoulders the same moment you felt his tongue nudge at your mouth. You opened further and timidly let yours meet his. It tingled all over your body and when he slid it fully inside your mouth you moaned.

You couldn’t breathe nor think. You couldn’t even move. 

Was this the love everyone was talking about? Because you were starting to understand. 

In that moment it didn’t matter what you two would end up doing. The only thing you could concentrate on was the ardent kiss and his hands on your arms, reaching up to slid the dress straps off your shoulders.

Then he touched the spot with his lips and you finally gasped, taking in as much air as you could, extending your neck in the opposite direction, giving him more space to fully drive you crazy. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” he murmured against your skin as you twitched ever so slightly. Your breast was almost bare and the thought of him seeing you as no one had before made your nipples poke the dress fabric until it hurt. 

“Tell me to stop anytime and I will,” he added. 

“I don’t want you to stop. Please,” you found yourself saying. 

________

You were so warm. You were warm and soft and Haechan desired you so much that he had to bite his lower lip almost to blood to prevent himself from devouring you completely.

Insane, he thought, you were insane to ask him to fuck you like that, and he was also insane for going with it.

His cock was so hard that it was painful and he imagined you felt the same, so he leaned down and wet your hard nubs making you gasp so deliciously that he made a mental note to do it often.

The thoughts of that being your first time together but maybe also the last was banging into his brain but he decided to ignore it. Your little sounds were grounding him and the way your breast felt underneath his hands, overflowing between his fingers as he squeezed just added to his brain haze. 

He was starting to feel feverish and if he didn’t ended up with his mouth between your legs soon he thought he was going to go insane.

Your hands on his shoulders made shivers go down his spine and when they moved to his hair, he hummed with your nipples against his tongue. 

He wanted to make you feel good, he wanted to make you feel so fucking good.

And he told you, murmuring it on top of your skin, sliding down your torso and letting your scent and warmth guide his clouded brain. 

Haechan took your dress with him and when he couldn’t take it anymore he lifted himself on his knees and dragged it up your legs, throwing it as far as he could.

Your chest was falling and dropping so fast underneath him and he took a moment to enjoy the view, letting his gaze caress you where his hand was, slowly from your ribcage down your navel until reaching the slit between your legs. 

You gasped, the little O on your face making his almost growl. 

“Have you ever touched yourself before, darling?” he asked with a voice he barely recognized. 

You shivered and he leaned back down to shelter you with his body, his hand still lazily drawing circles around your plump and soaked clit. 

__________

You tried to hide your face in the crook of his neck but he was quicker.

You couldn’t believe you were completely naked in front of the man you desired so desperately. Was that the cruel joke of the destiny? Giving you all before taking it away from you?

Haechan kissed your lips, this time deeply and rougher than the first. Then he breathed on them. “Answer me,” he demanded. 

You melwed, unable to think. His fingertips were so delicate and gentle that they almost weren’t there, yet you felt them so well that you couldn’t concentrate on anything else. 

“Only outside,” you admitted. 

Haechan rubbed his nose against your cheek. “I thought you were a curious person. You never felt the need to know how it feels inside?” 

You swallowed thickly. Not in your most depraved thoughts you imagined a gentleman talk to you like that. And you loved it. 

“I was afraid,” you admitted. 

Haechan hummed, kissing slowly alongside your neck then licking your ear. “You’re so sensitive. Were you afraid it was going to hurt?”

You nodded as a reply. 

“Are you afraid now?” he looked you in the eyes, his fingertips never stopping for a moment. 

“No,” you whispered. 

Haechan’s wet lips were open as if to let more air get inside his lungs and the thought of you being the cause to that decadent expression made the wetness between your legs just get worse.

You bit your lower lip, wondering if he noticed and when he dropped his hand by a mere centimeter you could feel his finger nudge at your hole and collect every drop of it. 

You closed your eyes in embarrassment, clasping the material of his shirt on his bicep, and it just made Haechan more eager to rub your clit in ways you never even thought of. 

“Show me,” he said, his voice so thick and rough that you felt like swimming in it. “Show me how you touched yourself.” 

“Please,” you begged unsure yourself for what. 

“Don’t be shy. Put your hand on top of mine and guide me, love,” he murmured with a twinkle in his eyes that made your insides burn. 

You let one of your hands slide down his arm and you reached the back of his hand between your legs. It felt so erotic that you felt like combusting. 

“Yes, just like that,” he prompted you, his lips now back on your chest, gently biting the softness of your flesh. 

You gulped and pressed your fingers on top of his, moving them in little circles you knew felt good. Haechan hummed. “Yeah? Do you like it like this?” 

The little nod you gave him made him smile. Then it turned into something more ferocious. 

“What about this?” he changed the movement, his fingers now gently flicking your nub up and down as well, pressing a bit more that you did it yourself, sending jolts of pleasure across your body. 

“Yes,” you stuttered. 

“Yeah?” he spoke in the crook of your neck. “Did you make yourself cum as well?” 

You threw your head back at the sensation and his tone and his words didn’t help you feel grounded at all. “A few times.” 

Or at least you thought you did. Because the way Haechan was making you feel didn’t even come close to the way you managed to make yourself feel alone. 

“May I?” his words buzzed against your lips, so polite in contrast with the way his fingertip felt like nudging at your core. 

You bit your lower lip and Haechan rubbed his lips on you as a in invitation to bite his lip instead. You inhaled and nodded, pressing your hand on top of his.

He sucked the air between his teeth and kissed you deeply, letting his tongue smack against yours in the wettest and most desperate kiss. 

And when you felt his finger slide inside of you it felt so overwhelming that you clenched so hard he had to break off the kiss to shush you. “You need to relax for me, baby, yeah?” 

You felt your whole body shake and Haechan kissed the corner of your mouth then your cheek, doing on your jaw and neck.

“It’s going to feel very good, I promise,” he murmured against your clavicle. “That’s right,” he exhaled, feeling your melt in his hold. “My sweet sweet girl, just like that.” 

The praise went to your head so badly that you almost didn’t realize the way he managed to move inside and out of you slowly and when he reached a specific spot and curled his finger upwards you jolted in place, grabbing his shoulders with a strong grip, the moan that escaped your throat probably loud enough to wake up the neighbouring passengers. 

“You like that, darling?” Haechan kept fucking you on his finger until you couldn’t close your mouth, the sensation sending the most intense jolts of electricity up your legs and torso. 

“Fuck,” you exhaled and Haechan chuckled. 

“Yeah? My lady became this dirty for me?” 

“Shit,” you couldn’t stop yourself. “Oh, heavens.” 

The wet sounds and Haechan’s quick breaths made you curl your toes, and when he stopped his hand and you felt his finger exit you mewled a protest. 

“More, please?”

Haechan gave you a cocky smile, lifting himself on his knees in front of you and letting you stare at the way he took off his jacket then slowly, so fucking slowly, he unbuttoned his shirt.

His pristine skin peeking underneath the white fabric made your mouth water and you had to sit down as well, leaning in and pressing your lips on his chest. 

________

Haechan exhaled and cupped the back of your head and when he felt your delicate fingers open the rest of his buttons he thought he’d cum on the spot. 

Your touch was heaven on his chest and your lips started to get too low, very low, down his abdomen until reaching the band of his dress pants.

Your ass was full on display the way your were crouching on all fours and when you lifted your gaze up, your mouth so close to the tip of his clothed cock, he reached and gave you a light spank that made your eyes shine and your tender throat mewl. 

He desperately wanted his cock down that throat but he knew it would be insanity. 

So he grabbed your chin instead and pulled you upwards to kiss your mouth again, and this time when he pushed you into the mattress he didn’t care to be gentle.

The grunt that left your chest made him worried that he had been too harsh but the way your grabbed his hair and pulled him into the kiss again, wrapping your thighs around his waist told him you weren’t a porcelain doll. 

And when he left your gasping mouth to devour your cunt the moan you made and the way your body curved almost broke him. 

“Haechan,” you called out and he has never heard someone pronounce his name in a sexier way. 

He hummed back, deeply, licking a stripe up from your hole to your clit and resting on it heavily before rolling the tip around it, tasting you, flicking it until he felt your nails dig in the forearm he snaked around one of your thighs.

He pressed his palm on your lower stomach and the way you inhaled deeply made him suck ever more. 

________

Legs around his head - the Conductor’s head - and his mouth on you, his arms around your limbs and his scent all over your body, you’ve never felt more ready to die. 

“God,” you moaned, shaking in his hold so much that he added more pressure on your hips and when you felt his fingers nudging at your hole again, this time two of them, gently pushing past the rim, you grabbed the sheets underneath your until you had no more strength.

“Please please please,” you mumbled, his fingers hooked in so deliciously that you couldn’t see anymore. You had no idea there was such pleasure out there. 

Haechan hummed, almost growled, his mouth full of your and his deep blue eyes staring at you with such intensity that you just had to let go or you would go insane. 

“I feel-” you tried, your voice rough. 

The man let your clit go for a mere second. “Yeah? Come on, cum for me darling. Come on, my love.” 

It was like a switch, his tongue back on you and his fingers stretching you so well that you could only bury your had in the pillow and scream, coming undone until the only thing you could hear was your own breaths and the gentle rumbling of the Train underneath you. 

Haechan’s little kisses made your shaking thighs relax and you realized you were clasping his wrist so you let go with trembling fingers. 

“My good good girl,” he came towards you, peppering kisses all over your body, his fingers still deep inside of you, feeling the way you kept rhythmically clenching around them. 

His lips were wet and red when he reached your mouth.

You exchanged a deep look that made all the hairs on your body rise and when he kissed you slowly and you tasted yourself on his tongue you felt like pouty in his arms. 

“I want to make you feel good too,” you whispered against his lips. 

Haechan hummed and slid his fingers out, making you hiss. Then with his wet hand he grabbed yours gently and directed it towards his pants. 

“Open the buttons,” he ordered and you gulped, sliding your second arm between your bodies and obeyed, opening them one by one and feeling the heat coming from his body. 

“Now touch me,” he breathed against your temple and you felt like rolling your eyes back from the sheer intensity of that energy. 

You looked up and saw the man of your life close his eyes and furrow his eyebrows almost in pain when you caressed his length from tip until base. 

“Fuck,” he gulped. “Harder,” his order made you bit your lower lip and you added a second hand, grabbing it loosely and moving them both up and down. 

Haechan wrapped your hands with his and you inhaled shakily at the darkness of his eyes. He guided you, making you squeeze more until his breath went missing. 

“Like this?” you asked. He was hot and hard but so velvety that you were afraid to hurt him. 

“Just like that, darling,” he reassured you and when you felt the drops of something sliding under your palm Haechan’s jaw clenched. “You’re making me feel so fucking good, good heavens Y/N.” 

You picked up the pace, loving his sounds and his expressions and he groaned.

You wanted more. You needed more.

“Please, I need you,” you murmured against his cheek. 

Haechan leaned in and bit down on your neck, sucking on your skin and the sting felt so good that you felt your cunt pool up again. “Say that again, darling.” 

You exhaled. “I need you, Haechan, please.” 

“Where?” he breathed on your open mouth. 

“Inside of me,” you choked on air as he reached down and slid his cock out of your hands with a wince, letting it rest between your fold instead. 

“Yeah?”

You nodded and gasped, feeling the heaviness on if rub against your sensitivity. 

“I need you to stop me at any given moment of discomfort. Do you understand me?” 

His tone and demeanor made you almost chuckle. He drove you crazy. 

“Yes, sir,” you whispered and Haechan put his tongue inside his cheek at your choice of words. 

He intertwined his fingers with yours while the other hand held the base of his cock to align himself with you.

It was so big and thick, two veins running down it similar to his forearms and it made you swallow dryly at the sinful thought that came inside of your head. 

But you felt drunk and you didn’t care.

“I want it in my mouth,” you locked eyes with him and Haechan visibly crumbled between your legs. 

“You’ll be the death of me,” he inhaled sharply through his teeth and pushed inside of you slowly making you gasp and squeeze his fingers. 

“Mmmm,” you furrowed your eyebrows and Haechan stopped, leaning down to shush you, kissing your neck and guiding your breaths until you wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him forward. 

“Does it hurt?” he murmured, moving his hips ever so slightly, making more and more space for himself. 

“It stings, outside, but it feels good, inside,” your phrases were broken and Haechan chuckled against your lips, giving you a quick kiss that you couldn’t concentrate on as he was getting closer and closer to the spot you oh so desperately wanted him to reach. 

“It’s going to feel better soon,” he reassured. 

“I know. How does- it feel-for-you?” your tiny voice, stuttering because of his shallow thrusts made Haechan dig his other hand in the mattress. 

“It feels like heaven, my darling.” 

You hummed and then gasped as Haechan felt you open even more, swallowing him so well that he had to compose himself before he could start losing it and ram inside of you. 

“Does the thought of me feeling good turn you on, love?” he grabbed your waist, keeping you in place and finally bottoming out. 

Your face scrunched and the moan you let out sounded like music to his ears. 

“Haechan-” 

“Yeah?” 

_______

Your breath was so irregular that you felt not enough oxygen getting to your brain.

There were no words to describe how he felt inside of you, intoxicating, sinful, full, so fucking full, he was all over you, inside your body and mind and heart, you wanted him more and more, you wanted him forever. 

You stared at him between your lashes and you hoped he could see all of that. You hoped he could understand how he made you feel and you hoped he felt the same. 

“I know, baby,” he shushed you, his hips picked up the pace and he was heavy and deep, the sound of his skin slapping yours making you hide your face into the crook of his neck in shame. He let you do that and lifted your hand above your head, pushing into it as much as he wanted to push into you and couldn’t for fear of hurting you. 

Your brain went to the image of him fucking you desperatly and animalistically, fast and with no worry.

You desperately wanted that.

You wanted him again. That couldn’t be the last time you saw each other.

No way. 

“Haechan, kiss me, please,” you managed to speak between the gasps. 

The man leaned down and kissed you deeply, fucking you both with his tongue and his cock, until you moaned into his mouth. 

His eyes were feverish and his forehead shining with a thin layer of sweat.

You let his hand go to wrap his neck and dig your hands in his soft messy hair, not breaking eye contact until with no words you both orgasmed and you lulled each other’s shaking bodies to sleep. 

---will continue---

[onyourhyuck]

RED STRING THEORY. | L.HC | Part 2.

↳ summary: Kim Micha is an art coms film student, assigned to screen write a short film about love. One problem though. She has never dated anyone. With little knowledge about love itself, she goes to her childhood best friend Lee Donghyuck, for help. Lee Donghyuck is a theatre student and is a well known player around the campus. What happens when the boundary between friends and lovers becomes blurry?

↳ The warnings: SERIES. workplace strict fake relationship type dynamic going on. Fake dating. Micha is inexperienced about dating and love in general. University theme. Donghyuck is a bit of a player but he means well…ish. Mark and Ningning are friend mutuals. Crack. Fluff. Angst. Romance. Slight spicy smut when more parts are released. Strict parents mention. Grades mention. teacher!Baekhyun mention.

↳ PART 3 LINK.

↳ notes: this is a series. Follow me and reblog this fic if you want to get updates for more parts!

↳ Tag: @sundamariis @kkakkdugi @lostmembrane @sayitditto @loveazri @yessohsehun

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Lounging in the lecture class, hunch back with chin resting on top of the palm, boredom eking out of her eyes as flicking the pen in between her other fingertips, sighing, for the hundredth time.

“Okay class you have five weeks to do this project, that results in over 24 hours of filming and planning your screenwriting.” Mr Baekhyun said up front of the students staring at him with soulless eyes, like Micha’s, or excitement in their eyes, not Micha.

‘Great, five weeks to fail if this plan of mine doesn’t work with Donghyuck.’ She thought to herself. Standing up grabbing the bag swinging it on one shoulder end as the files she grabs forward sticking to her chest close. The film student leaves with the other students in the class, most of them travelling home now or to their dormitories if they live on the campus. Micha does not live on campus but she does own her apartment complex with cheap rent (luckily she managed to BS the landlord into giving it a much lower number to her.)

But she isn’t going home yet. Donghyuck specifically told her to come to the university theatre department where all the acting students are, as well as the music students.

Micha walks the hallways before entering a room with a large stage for practice, the girl felt like a stuck out sore thumb even though it was dark. Lights were brightly shining the stage instead where Donghyuck stood with the performance paper with lines written on, next to him would be Karina and Yeri, as well as Bangchan and Yangyang lining up performing out their lines. The girl has no idea what’s going on, but she takes a seat down in front of the bystander seats watching the play happen.

No one seems to have noticed her presence yet, so she slings back to watch the rehearsal.

“I’ve loved you. Why did you expose our relationship like this.” Donghyucks voice croaks out, breaking apart like million glass shreds on the ground, as if all life was sucked out of him.

Karina soils a tear or two down her cheeks, clenching the paper for effect as she looks up at Donghyuck, breathily speaking. “So had i, Chan. But it’s far too late. I am better off without our toxic relationship. You need Alice.”

“ANNNDD CUT.” Coming out would be Kun clapping out his hands. The director of the play it seems. Micha felt mesmerised by the intense acting, it made her feel some type of way, though she didn’t know he was in the play this year. Last year he directed The Heathers play, it was a big hit too.

The theatre students all huddle with laughs and smiles sharing to one another. Donghyucks walking to hand Karina a tissue, with his charming smile and eyes going in a crescent eyes just by looking at Karina as if it were his world. The boy rubs her back as he bows his head leaving, he soon noticed Micha in the seats as he beams with a lethe grin forming on his face. Donghyuck waves his hands at Micha before he jumps off the stage, running up front to greet his friend. “Micha, hey! Whaddya think of my acting? Did I wow you yet? Make you feel tingles and butterflies?”

Haechan always asks for his best friends compliments, no one else but Micha. You suppose the boy trusts her judgement more than anyone else’s. He knows he can rely on Micha to have feedback all the time, no matter the situation.

Micha scoffs out with a slight laugh. “As if. If anything your acting partner makes me produce tears.” The boy wraps arms round her neck pulling her closer, he smirks, as if it were lies. Which it was, half lies. “Oh? Do i sense a lie here. I saw the way you were watching me.” There would be something hidden behind those lines he told to the girl, she felt hidden tension, not sure what kind it was. He leans closer where his breathing prickles her nose and cheeks. She turns feverish just by the small heat emitting from his mouth. Micha looks away pulling suddenly from Donghyuck, stammering. “Uhm- let’s go quickly. You told me to wait for you. Come on, I gotta be back at my dorm to start screenwriting.”

“But you have no ideas yet right?” He throws quickly behind the girl. He lifts his bag up and as she turns around she gives a small defeated nod.

He hums as his hands pull out two tickets belonging to the amusement park that is happening this week. Today was the last day so it will close soon. Micha’s eyes waver to the tickets close as she grabs them to take a closer look, lips fell into miniature gasps. “Donghyuck!” She exclaims looking up at the boy, who would lightly shrug, trailing as he wraps his fingers round the tickets. “You can’t be serious. These tickets are expensive, I’ve looked online before.” She breaks into whispering yells, not wanting to attract any unwanted attention. But he could tell she was scolding him hard. He coos at her mockingly before pushing her slip out bangs out of her face tucking them behind her ears suddenly, he leans closer to look at her, snatching the tickets in his palm back. “Oh calm down. I’ve got them from a friend who’s date bailed out. They were free for me. I thought that i should take you on a little fake date, to get you inspired for your screenwriting movie.”

Micha stands still rubbing her neck conflicted. Maybe going on this fake date will inspire her, she could observe the people around if there are going to be couples roaming, most likely there will be. The rides and the food. Alongside Donghyuck will be there. They have to act like a couple to make this screenwriting story work. The stubborn art coms student eventually nods giving the boy who’s now endearingly watching her pull her by the hands interlocking his with hers. “Great! Let’s go then darling, our date is starting now.” Donghyuck quickly soars rushing out.

“D-darling?” Micha let’s out flustered. It’s going to take a while getting used to being called so many foreign names by her friend…

He looks at her brushing a sweet smile at the girl who blushed at just single-handedly ‘Darling’ yet he can’t help but wonder how you’re going to look when he says even more worse names. Darling was a weak pet name to begin with.

“Oh gosh. You’re a tomato just by hearing darling?” He giggles smiling. “Remember, pet names.” He points out and Micha lets out a small ‘oh!’

Yeah, definitely will take a long time to adjust to.

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating, copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank youu! REBLOG THIS FIC AND FOLLOW ME FOR MORE UPDATES.

[hykwrld]

hi !! i was the anon who requested that jaem sfw/nsfw pda thing- it was perfect thank u sm love<3

hhh i can totally see one of his goals in bed isn't just to make you feel good u but going the extra mile to make sure everybody else in the house knows it too.

and omg love marks , he'd definitely flaunt any markings you leave- on his back, his v-line, neck n chest.. as well as making sure your decolletage and neck are marked up too, occasionally pecking a kiss on the marks he had left on your neck.

i'm so glad u liked it mwah mwah

jaemin!!! loves!!! hickeys!!! whether you have sex or not, he always wants to mark you or have you mark him. his favourite is when its been a bit of a long day and you're both tired, lazily making out in his bed and then his lips just start moving further down until he's sucking and biting at the skin, leaving mark after mark. he loves to see you wake up in the morning and try to make breakfast in peace while the others ogle at your neck because you literally look like you've been mauled. not that jaemin looks much better though, his whole body, like yours, is covered in the pretty bruises.

[0097linersb]

Meddle About

Pairings: Haechan x Reader / Jeno x Reader (Briefly Mentioned)

Genre: Smut

Summary:  Mark doesn’t think you or Haechan would have a problem with killing each other, not even bat an eye at it in fact. 

Word count: 9.3k

A/N: Hey bitches, missed me? No, but fr, I´m sorry I suck Ik. Anyhow, this is a 2 parts series so hope u have fun, let me know what u think <3

Keep reading

[jaemwrlds]

DUNK SHOT - PART SIX

na jaemin, fwb au

pairing - jaemin x reader

genre - smut, angst, fluff

word count - over 60k

synopsis - jaemin finally realises what he wants and comes to terms with his real feelings, just when he’s finally given you everything you’ve ever wanted, all it takes is for one secret to ruin everything and make your relationship with him go back to square one, you allow the feeling of having what you’ve always wanted from him cloud your senses

chapter warnings/contents - jaemin's pov from when he first met shana, you get some insight on how he was after his breakup, intense and heavy themes, drug abuse, alcohol consumption, suicidal thoughts, poor jaem, cute friendship moments throughout, you realise this chapter that shana isn't the bestest of friends, shana selfish moments, shana self destructive moments, cute moments between jeno and shana, but some odd tension too, shana gets heartbreaking news, yangyang and shana are back on!! lot of forgiving and reconciliation in this one, my poor baby yang, donghyuck is a bit of a weirdo, jeno gets heated and confrontational several times, girls night!! with yang of course, heartbreaking moments, mini time jump is included, jaemin is different this chapter, he's more open, less mysterious and guarded, he's become more comfortable, he understands his feelings and emotions, he has a realisation, realises who and what he wants, opens up about heejin, but shana has a secret that could ruin everything :((

AUTHORS NOTE - for some reason i wasn’t able to upload the whole chapter in full in this post, i think i exceeded tumblrs word limit. i have no clue but basically the last scene of this chapter is in another post which will be linked here and at the end of this post, please click on it and read it when you’ve finished reading everything on this post. it’s still the same part, it’s just a continuation of part 6 in another post. bare in mind, both posts are separate uploads but the SAME part. they are both also the first part of the sixth chapter

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 (part 6 continuation)

☆★ ☆

JAEMIN'S POV - the night of the wedding 

Na Jaemin didn't believe in many things. 

What was belief anyway? It was something for the weak, a mere waste of time. He's seen belief happen everywhere, it's a mindless conviction that something must be true even when it isn't. You needed passion to believe and that was something that Jaemin felt he lacked. He used to believe once upon a time but those days were long gone. 

His friends had a range of beliefs, they varied in uniqueness, normality and individuality. Jeno believed that sex and drugs could fix everything, that was why he went to every single party that was thrown and ended the night by having sex. Partying and sex - his two favorite things.

Sua believed that her brain was power and it was, she was right, Jaemin couldn't deny that. She had knowledge that no one else could acquire, she knew things only she was smart enough to know, she used that to her advantage. Shotaro believed in her dancing, dancing made him feel full of energy, it connected him to his body. The way the music bounced in his bloodstream, it made him feel alive, it was his second skin. Yangyang believed that no one was aware of how utterly and endlessly he was in love with his best friend, Lee Donghyuck. He made it incredibly obvious. There was always immense love in his eyes, it was beautiful. Jaemin would never admit it but seeing Yangyang so hopeful and in love was certainly a sight to see. 

If there was one thing that he believed in then it was his camera. It was something he was passionate about, something that he'd never stop loving. He loved photography, he was passionate about capturing the best parts of his life and storing them somewhere special. Some could say he was sentimental, he saw his photos as prized possessions and he held them close to his heart. 

He captured all the best parts of his life, the parts that deserved capturing. Like his friends, the ones who made him laugh despite how utterly irritating they were. They were annoying but he really did appreciate them, they were the ones who didn't leave his side during a dark time. He didn't feel alone because of them. He wasn't sure if he was deserving of that but nonetheless he was grateful for it. 

He also loved to capture scenery, he loved appreciating the mere beauty and simplicity of nature. Nature was far better than humans, so much more peaceful and relaxing. He felt an element of tranquility that only nature could provide for him. 

If there was one thing that he didn't believe in, that he couldn't believe in, it would be love. True love didn't exist. It would all just end in pain and sadness. He had loved someone for real once upon a time, he loved her with every ounce of his being, it fulfilled and intoxicated him all at once. 

It was the best feeling in the world. It was true love, he had found a soulmate who he lived and breathed every night and day for. Every figment of his imagination was for her. She was the one who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the one he wanted to hold in his arms and never let go. 

He didn't let go. She did. 

Yet he had to face all the consequences of it, he was the one who was left in pain. He was the one who had to suffer when it ended. Every time he closed his eyes he would be plagued with terrible nightmares that haunted his being. They would wound him every night without fail. It would become a recurring daily routine for him. 

But the real nightmares occurred during the day. The daylight didn't offer him an escape or happiness. The real struggle was trying to live every day despite wanting it to be his last. Breathing and staying alive was so hard after his break-up with Heejin. Nothing seemed to help. The drugs made him worse, the hooking up made him miss her even more. It would just make him remember how happy he was before the day it all came crumbling down, it would make miss those days. 

His world came crumbling down on Valentine's day. 

Yet his love for photography was something that got him through it, sort of.  It was because of photography that he met you at the wedding, the night that changed him, where he started seeing the light again. 

"This is my last shift, after this I'm gonna quit." He huffs, putting on the hideous uniform, throwing Jeno the finger when he takes a photo of him. 

Jeno smirks, admiring the photo. "You never know, this job might be the best thing that's ever happened to you." 

Jaemin tilts his head to the side, not knowing why he was talking out of his arse but he couldn't bare to be rude to him or make fun of him, even if it was just for fun. Jaemin loved his best friend so much, he was his happiness these days. Jeno shoots Jaemin that smile and soft eyes that make him go crazy, he couldn't deny the effect that it had, no wonder why Jeno was so successful in pulling so many people. 

"Goodbye bro, I love you." Jeno shouts as Jaemin makes his way out the door, ready to start another shift at this job he dreaded every single shift. 

Jeno got him a job as a wedding photographer. Jaemin hated it. It was a job that crushed his passion and desires, it sucked the life out of him and there were numerous times where he seriously debated never picking up a camera again.

Another reason why he used to hate his job so much was because he always had to go to weddings. He hated weddings because love wasn't real. He hated seeing people who were happy and in love. He couldn't believe that it was him once upon a time. 

Nonetheless, he kept the job. He needed the money to repay Jeno. Even though he would never accept the money and would probably punch Jaemin for even trying to give it to him, it was only right for Jaemin to do as Jeno spent his savings buying so much for him after the break up. Without Jeno, Jaemin is sure he would be on his death bed. 

Plus, he couldn't sit around forever. He had to stop being heartbroken and moping around, although he felt like shit he had to stop feeling sorry for himself. He had all the reasons to smile again, to forget about Heejin. He had Jeno, the bestest friend he could've ever had. He hadn't left his side and was his shoulder to cry on. He lost count of how many times he had cried in front of him, listened to all his worries and comforted him in every way possible. 

He had always hated Heejin and secretly, never was too keen on the relationship she had with Jaemin. He despised her. He saw a side to her that Jaemin would've never seen when they were together because was blinded by love. Despite this, Jeno never spoke of his great dislike of her, he acted as if he felt nothing because he knew how much Jaemin loved her. He put it aside because Jaemin was happy and that was all that mattered to him. But when Heejin broke his heart, everything changed and Jeno felt the pain that his best friend did. He feels miserable when remembering how much Jaemin hurted, a pain that nobody deserves to feel. Jeno wouldn't even wish it on his greatest enemy, on a person who he feels great loathe and hate for. He wouldn't even wish it on Heejin. 

Not only did he have Jeno to help him through it but he had his other friends too, the ones who constantly gave him comfort and consolation. He was appreciative to everyone who had his happiness in their best interests, he would never be able to express his full gratitude but it still wasn't enough. 

Jaemin hated that. He hated that it wasn't enough. He hated that nothing would be enough to make him smile again, happiness felt like a distant emotion that he would never be able to express once again. He questioned many things. If he would feel happiness again, if anything was going to help him again, if he was far gone saving. 

That was when you came into the story. 

The day he met you his life changed. He didn't expect anything that day, it was just another day at a job he hated with every inch of his being. The last thing he expected was to find something he so desperately seeked and needed, to find something that he didn't believe in anymore. Love. 

He found you. 

Jaemin suddenly relives the day he met you, he dreams about that day a lot. 

Jaemin fights every urge to leave the broken camera pieces as they are and to exit the venue once and for all, to leave the job he hated so much. But he couldn't, not when Jeno had acted out the good of his heart and gotten him this job. He had to stay. 

He blocks every conversation and every surrounding, it would just make him feel more frustrated. How on earth was everyone so happy? There was nothing to be happy about, he couldn't understand the smiles. It wasn't fair that everyone else around him was having the time of their lives whilst he would do anything to end his. If it was so easy to enjoy life then why couldn't he? 

Jaemin's self destructive thoughts are abruptly shut down. He can see someone in his peripheral vision, standing near the broken camera pieces, looking down on him with a rather perplexed gaze. He had gotten used to that, people looking at him as if he was broken and needed fixing. 

Whoever it was stayed mute and it was annoying him. Why wouldn't they just speak up? There were clearly some unspoken words from your side. Jaemin hated that. He hated people who couldn't communicate. If there was something that needed to be said then there should be no hesitance, it should be direct and clear. 

"Do you want some of this cake?" The voice finally speaks up. Jaemin can't be bothered to respond or even look up. The question seemed rushed, as if she was being held to gunpoint to say it. He could hear the nerves and it was making him feel nervous alongside her. 

Moments go by and he doesn't respond. He hated talking. But then a plate with a piece of cake is shoved into his vision and he's forced to respond. He really didn't want to eat. He had no appetite. Nonetheless, he takes the cake and forces himself to take a bite from it. He fights gagging, he was sure the cake tasted fine but he hadn't been eating well since the break up. 

He takes a deep breath, trying to stop his head from spinning. He forces concentration. "Thank you." He mutters, trying his best to show gratitude. You cough and he realises that he hasn't once glanced up. He looks up, then immediately gives you a longer glance. 

He can't stop looking at you. He didn't care how weird it seemed, actually, he did, he would hate to make someone he had just met feel uncomfortable but he really couldn't seem to take his eyes off of you. There was nothing he could do about it. Nothing had caught his attention like this before. 

You were breathtakingly stunning, he couldn't get past that. He didn't expect to feel this level of attraction for anyone after the breakup, Jeno had tried to help him by setting him up on dates to forget about Heejin, they only made him feel worse. After Heejin, Jaemin always thought that his time for romance was over. He thought he only had one true shot at it. He thought his heart would be too broken for it but here he was endlessly looking at this girl. He looked with awe, his mouth slightly agape as his eyes pierced into yours. They were the gentlest and kindest eyes he had ever gazed into, he could feel the broken parts of his heart healing just by looking into them. They were like the ocean, their beauty draws his gaze like a sunset over water. He longed to dive in and embrace its warmth but he fears that if he sinked too deep then he'd never be able to back up for air. 

Jaemin hated that he was feeling this way. Sceptical and doubtful despite this intense attraction and lust that he was feeling. He didn't want to punish himself for the emotions he felt because he had no control over them but he was left with no other choice. 

But when you shoot him the most shining yet visibly awkward smile, he realises that he had been staring for way too long. He looks down and indulges in the cake once again, not being able to fight the fluttering feeling that enters his chest. 

He quickly gives himself a shake and a mental slap. He couldn't do this, he couldn't go into this territory again. He wasn't ready for it, he was sure he would never be ready for it. He works his hardest to remove every trace of brightness from his face immediately. He returns to fixing his broken camera immediately, something he should've completed already, he shouldn't have become distracted.

When you speak up, every single barrier he had worked so endlessly to build comes crumbling down, just like that. "How about I sort out all of this mess and you have this delicious cake?" You question him with such high hopes. Your voice was just as sweet as you. It was quite high pitched yet quiet, you were clearly shy. He could feel a slight tremor in your tone, you were still nervous. 

He can feel his heart visibly beating faster, the fluttering entering his chest once again and his imagination going to the darkest of places once again. He felt weak. Attraction made him feel weak. Suddenly, he remembers that you were still waiting for his response. Despite what he was feeling inside, he shakes his head rapidly. 

You kneel down in front of him and he feels as though he can't breathe. You were so close and it was messing with the figments of his imagination, the boundaries and controls he had put in place after the break up with Heejin. 

When you put your hand on his palm briefly, the world stops. He feels like he can breathe for the first time in months. It was such a simple and subtle movement yet it carried intense amounts of impact and healing. Your touch had changed the world for him and this was the first time out of a billion more times that he would be blessed to feel you. He knew that you would never be aware of the power that your touch had on him, he hoped you knew that it had saved him. It started on this day and continued until infinity. 

He looks into your eyes once again, not being able to remove his gaze this time. You smile so beautifully, your voice soft and sweet as you speak. "No it's okay, I insist." You motion at the unfinished piece of cake on his plate once again. There was no sign of movement from him, he just stayed frozen. 

When you rub your thumb against his palms, it brings him back into the world so effortlessly. Nothing and no one had ever been able to make him enter reality after being lost from it. Not even Jeno. 

"Oh my god." He can't help but sigh in delight the second he takes a bite from the cake. It was really fucking good. One bite of this cake was enough to restore his appetite after weeks of poorly eating. He was noticeably more relaxed and he wasn't sure if it was the cake or if it was you that was making him feel this way. 

You. It was probably you. It was definitely you. 

Jaemin found himself believing again. You were utterly gorgeous, you seemed as if you had the kindest soul ever and you were clearly a good baker. Jaemin had never had a type before but now he did, these were now three qualities that were growing off importance to him. 

He couldn't believe how delusional he sounded. Perhaps it was the sugar rush making him speak like a mad man, this was the first time he had eaten something sweet and full of fat for the first time in a long time and it showed. After the breakup, Jaemin didn't eat well, he lost his appetite among many things. "This is the best thing I've ever eaten." He whispers, his voice full of more life and emotion than he thought was capable of him. He didn't sound monotone or expressionless for the first time in weeks. You were bringing some joy into him. 

You let out a high pitched giggle in response. He delves into the cake, devouring the last pieces in seconds. You loved seeing people eat the food they loved. Perhaps it was weird but food held so much importance, it was truly the most beautiful thing in the world. It united people, it held so much culture, so much happiness. "It was made with love." You grin, not being able to remove your eyes from him. 

Jaemin can't help the tightness he feels in his chest as he catches on the way you were looking at him. He couldn't quite believe how your gaze was seductive yet innocent, it was killing him inside. You were so enticing, he returns your intense gaze as he licks the icing from his lips, deliberately doing it slower than he normally would. He allows his tongue to prod out slightly, smirking when he sees you widen your eyes. 

He holds back a laugh when he sees that you've damaged the camera rather than fix it. However, he can't find himself to be mad that you've done more harm than good as the cake was too fucking good. It wasn't just the cake though, it was you. Being in your presence was the most alive he had felt in a long time. 

He smiles for real this time. It was the first genuine smile he had shown in weeks, he had been faking smiles since Valentines day, when Heejin broke up with him. All of his friends had done everything to try and make him smile again. Jeno had attempted to cheer him up by cracking even more jokes than he usually would, Sua and Renjun would deliberately increase and dramaticse their bickering, Minju would say awful things about Heejin and Shotaro would just be Shotaro. Despite all this, he only returned their attempts with fake smiles. He felt terrible for it as his friends would try everything to help him through the pain yet he couldn't force happiness, not when he was dying inside. 

He doesn't even realize he's smiling at you until you return an even sweeter smile back. Then he realizes that he was actually happy, that it was something he could feel for real again. "You know, nobody ever wants to feed the camera men at weddings." He says, reiterating how thankful he was for your kindness. For how alive you were making him feel after weeks of feeling numb. 

"I thought that was common courtesy… are you being serious?" 

It definitely wasn't common courtesy. Humans weren't good people, Jaemin always knew this but he couldn't dwell too much on the thought because he wasn't a particularly kind person either. Sure, he wasn't rude but his nonchalant persona definitely gave people impressions, perhaps the wrong impressions about him. He couldn't fault them, he chooses to stay quiet. He likes to mind his own business and he can't help appearing like an unfriendly person by doing so. 

But you were kind. He knew that, he felt it. He had only known you for the shortest amount of time but you had shown him your kindness. The ease he felt in his veins and the way his heart was beating steadily, with purpose, for the first time in a long time, shows him how kind you were. Only a person with good and pure intentions can have that effect on somebody. 

It's not everyday that a stranger comes up to you and offers you cake when they notice how troubled and stressed you look. It definitely wasn't common courtesy. Fuck it. He didn't want to refer to you as a stranger anymore, you felt more important than that. "You're like the first and only person who's offered me food. I really appreciate it." He thanks you again, his heart warming at the positive impact you've so clearly had on him. 

"Huh - I would've assumed that people would be nice enough to feed the workers who make sure the wedding is running smoothly?" 

He shakes his head, that wasn't the case. People weren't as kind as you were. "And that's why I absolutely hate this job." He admits, feeling bad for admitting so as he remembers that Jeno had gotten him this job from the good of his heart. "You see, I have a passion for photography. It's my life. But this dumb, stupid job makes me tempted to never pick up a camera ever again." 

Jaemin takes a moment, he doesn't even listen to what you have to say in response because he's wondering how on earth he had just spoken so much. He had a low social battery, it had always been low, he was as introverted as one could be, it was especially low these last few weeks. He hated speaking yet he had just said more than a single sentence to you and it was easy to do so, it didn't suck every ounce of his energy like speaking to people generally did. His response wasn't blunt and short like always. 

"Hey, do you wanna head to the bar with me? I would really like to buy you a drink." He completely changes the subject. His question comes unexpectedly yet it was so effortless. He didn't need to think about it, he wanted and needed it so bad, he needed to see more of you. He has doubts of course, what happened on Valentines day has permanently scarred him for life, he would always be scared when it came to thinks like this but fuck it. He had a good feeling about this, a feeling he couldn't ignore. 

"Sure." You answer immediately, as if you had been waiting for him to say that. He couldn't help but notice how familiar you sounded. He wasn't sure if he was tripping but he was sure that he had heard your voice before, only now it felt fuller and more alive. He had only heard your voice throw a phone screen and he wasn't sure how, he hoped it would come back to him as you were definitely familiar to him, he just couldn't figure out how and where from. 

Jaemin leads the two of you into the bar. The walk is silent and comfortable. There wasn't an awkward silence, neither one of you felt forced to start a conversation that you knew would lack meaning. Jaemin appreciated it, he loved peaceful silences. He rarely experienced them with people, let alone people he had just met. 

Although it was silent, he could tell that you wanted to ask him something yet couldn't find your words. "I'm a photography student at college." He mutters. He could tell you were dying to ask him what he did for a living, you were obviously too nervous to ask. 

He pulls out your seat and instantly pours a drink for you. "I'm in college too… I'm actually starting enrolling in a new campus at the start of next term." You grin at him. He could feel your joy, you were clearly enthusiastic about this. People who were so passionate about what they were excited for was something he found incredibly attractive. 

"My best friend since childhood actually goes there, the last time we saw each other was when we were both 5. Have you heard of it? The name of the college is -" 

"Your smile is so fucking beautiful…" The compliment spills from his lips so effortlessly, he really couldn't help it, he had no filter when he was around you and that was something incredibly unusual for him. 

You blush. "Thank you." 

"You really can't handle your alcohol, can you?" Jaemin questions a half hour later, his hands holding your hair back as you wretch into the bin, his other hand rubbing your back in comfort. He can't help but smirk, you had barely drank anything yet you were in a state, it was clear your alcohol tolerance was shockingly low. 

Jaemin tuts and shakes his head when you try to reach for another shot glass. "You can't even open your eyes properly." He laughs, reaching for a water bottle. He gently places a finger on your chin, opening your mouth slightly so he could feed you the water from the bottle. He hoped this would help sober you up. 

"You're so pwwweeetyyy." You slur, high pitched giggles leaving your mouth. You hold his face in your hands tightly, your eyes skimming over every inch of it. He felt hot underneath your gaze, the feeling intensifying when you trace the outlines of his lips with your finger. You were so drunk that he was sure you would never be able to remember this. You were unbelievably bold and it was completely unexpected. 

"So are you -" He whispers back in a heavy tone. He breathes heavily when the pad of your finger slightly enters his mouth, just a little bit. "You're so beautiful…" He lulls, not being able to tear his gaze away from you. Certain thoughts and urges were entering his mind and he couldn't back away, not now. 

A song starts playing and you break out in a huge grin, throwing your arms over him to dance. His grip is steady on you, he didn't even need to move as you were moving enough for the two of them. "I love this song!!!!!" You shout with intense enthusiasm, your moves becoming more extravagant and bold. He bites his lips, looks up to the sky and curses under his breath when you do a slut drop, then another, then another, then another… 

Perhaps it was the heavy alcohol in his system which was making him feel an overwhelming need to act. He felt a staggering need to fulfill all of his impulses, so he did. He doesn't think twice, this was what he wanted, it was what he needed. "Can I kiss you?" He questions slowly, his mouth opening and closing with every desperate breath he takes. His eyes pierce into yours, not faltering until you give him a clear answer. He's sure he sees your pupils dilate. You're silent, he can see you trying to give him a response but something is holding you back. Maybe you were taken aback, shocked. 

"You wanna kiss me?" You question, your voice no longer sounding slurred, you sounded sobered up.

He nods and then her lips are on his. Your lips were so unbelievably soft against his, he was sure he had never been kissed by someone with this level of attentiveness and warmth, it made him feel cared for. it made his inner desires multitude in volume. 

You part your lips against his for a slight moment, a content hum leaving your mouth. It allows him to prod his tongue with yours, his tongue plays with yours in hot, heated touches. His fingers lightly graze your waist, pulling you close as you possibly couldn't be close enough. 

He melts into you, into the softness, the light touches. The sound of calm breathing and indulgent smooches fill his ears and ring ever so beautifully, it was a sound which was new for him yet it was already beginning to mean so much. Kissing lightly and sweetly like this was rare for Jaemin, a lot of the kisses he had shared in the past were filled with intensity, fire and heat. Perhaps this kiss held all those things in its own unique way. He actually preferred kissing like this, it was more meaningful, it made him feel happiness alongside lust and pleasure. It made it feel like this moment was eternal. 

When you begin reaching for his collar and loosening his tie, he quickly places his hands on your ass and hoists you up on the bar countertop. Either one of your legs came to both of his sides, his hands held onto your thighs as he kissed you as if he was a starved man. 

You move your hands from around his shoulders to grip onto his chest, pushing him away as you breathe out heavily. His breaths coming in and out in heavy pants too as he looks up at you, a moan leaving his lips when he looks into your eyes that were filled with pleasure. 

He feels this overwhelming need to pleasure you further, to stimulate you, to give you everything you wanted. Sounds of smooching fills the room as his lips attack your neck, then your jaw. He sucks on your earlobe, his hot and heavy breath fanning over your ear. 

You suddenly grip onto his hair tightly, you were tugging and pulling and he could feel his scalp burning but he didn't care, he moved closer in your touch as he realized where you wanted his lips the most. Your lips taste of strawberry and whipped cream, he hated strawberries yet he found himself indulging in the sweet taste. He wondered what your pussy tasted like, he needed to know. He tasted like the cake you had just fed him and iced coffee, a mix that was perfectly compatible. 

When he can hear celebrations and loud cheers coming from the room beside the bar, he realises that the couple had just given their vows and that the ceremony was heading to an end. That meant that everyone would be heading to the bar now. Jaemin's hands come to your thighs, making sure your legs are securely wrapped around his waist as he lifts you up, expertly manoeuvring the two of you to a place he wasn't quite sure of yet, he'd figure it out. All he knew was that he had to get you both someplace private, he had a dying need to fuck you and couldn't do that if wedding guests started filling the bar. He wouldn't be cock blocked at a wedding, he refused to be. 

"Where are we going?" You somehow manage to say against his mouth and in between kisses. He groans, the sound of your heavy breathing mixed with the wet kisses being shared between you both was making his head spin. 

"Someplace private." He manages to reply, the desperation to get you into a room filling him. He couldn't believe it, his desire to fuck you in this very moment was surprising considering his sex drive since the break up. After the breakup, he wasn't interested in sexual relations, Jeno had claimed that it would make him better but Jaemin was in too much of a low place for that to be true, the sex would just make him feel worse which sucked because Jaemin was a huge fan of sex. But now, he was starting to believe Jeno. It would definitely make him feel better, a definite improvement of mood. 

He wasn't sure how he pulled it off but the two of you had ended up in a hotel room. It was an empty one, Jaemin knew that for sure. He leans over you on the bed, relishing in the new found privacy, now he could do what he really wanted to do as long as you were on board with it of course. "Tell me what you want…" 

"You know what I want." He can see how impatient you were as the response came rushed and muffled, it makes a delicious thrill run down his spine. He had this urge to give you everything you wanted and that was what he was gonna do. You sounded out of breath as you ran your hands under his shirt, your fingers running up and down his chest, your touch was heated and slick against his skin. 

"You need to tell me." 

He sees you rolling your eyes. "I want you to fuck me against this bar counter top." You whisper. 

He doesn't show how taken aback yet turned on he is by your forwardness. He lets out a hum. "We're on a bed." He smirks, realising that you weren't fully sober yet. That makes him want to question you again, to make sure that you were fully serious about this. You were drunk and wasted, he didn't want to be taking advantage of you. "Are you sure?" 

You nod. "I'm so sure, fuck me now." 

He doesn't need to be told twice. He discards your dress in mere seconds, he wasn't sure how he did it so quickly. He throws it carelessly to the floor, helping you get him out of his t-shirt which he throws behind him seconds later. 

He wants you to feel hot under his gaze. He wants you to be obsessed with the way he's looking at you, it was all deliberate. He grins when he hears incoherent moans spilling past your lips, he hoped it was in response to how heated his gaze was, he wanted to make you feel incredibly sexy. He licks his lips as he stares at your boobs. "You're so fucking pretty." He moans, moving his eyes to yours, you feel weak to your knees. You feel an ultimate amount of pride due to the way he's looking at you. 

His hands skim over your breasts through the racy bra that you were wearing, his thumb rubbing the bud of your nipple through the lace. He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, wincing slightly as you bit hard on his tongue. Your nipples were growing hard at his mere touch. He could see your growing impatience and it's confirmed when you grip onto his hair roughly, detaching his lips from yours and moving his attention to your breasts. All you wanted was for his mouth to replace his hands. 

He wants to give you everything you want. He quickly removes the bra from your body and his lips are latching onto them immediately. You can only whimper in response, he hears a series of messy moans spilling past your lips so prettily. He wanted to cry from pleasure. You clearly needed more. He cursed under his breath as your hips started moving forward in a languid pace, he could feel his length pressing against your lace underwear, you had found that delicious friction that you were so desperately looking for. 

"Mhm." You moan when his hand silently travels down to your heat, he licks his lips when he feels the wet patch. He slips his fingers underneath the damp material, rubbing your clit against his finger. With the combination of his fingers inside of you and his lips wrapped around your breast, sucking with such devotion, it doesn't take long for you to come undone. 

He watches as your head falls back to the pillow softly. He plays with your hair as a round of swear words merge into one and leave your lips. He keeps in touch with you during your high, cooing into your ear softly, his words filled with praises. 

He leans against your forehead, the two of you breathing heavily as you look into each other's eyes. He felt this intimacy and level of connection that was fucking with his head. He couldn't believe how fucked up he was just from touching you. 

He kisses your cheeks softly, moving down your body slowly, leaving a trail mark of kisses from your cheeks to the bottom of your stomach. He wouldn't leave an inch of your body unkissed. His tongue brushes past the lips of your heart, slickly sliding between your wet folds. He holds your thighs open, deciding to wrap them around his head. His nails dig into your skin as his tongue lightly enters your clit, sucking onto your folds. Your taste fills him up, fueling the fire in his heart. 

He eats you out like a starved man, as if he had never eaten before. He hadn't done this in a long time, he hadn't had sex in six months yet he felt as though he could sit here and eat you out all night long. When he hears you hissing, possibly from overstimulation, he eases his lips. "Shit, I didn't mean to do that… I haven't done this in a while." 

"Don't apologise. It felt really good" You quickly reply, gripping his hair tightly, a bid for him to resume the pace. 

He teases rough fingers against your slit as he fucks you with his tongue, sucking so loudly. "Ah… Ah!!!" You grip his shoulders as his tongue rolls against your skin, pressing kisses against your glossy lips from your aerosol. 

"What's your name?" You question him randomly. 

The two of you hadn't even shared each other's names, he thought that it was crazy that he was in this close and intimate situation with someone who's name he didn't even know. "Jae -" He's cut off when loud noises of pleasure fall from your lips. Your ability to listen was completely cut short when two of his long fingers slipped deep inside of you, he pumped his fingers at an uncontrollable rate. He quickened his pace, the cold silver of his chains meeting your hot skin, mind growing hazy as he felt your pussy squeeze his fingers. The wet sound of his fingers fucking you made him moan. 

You were a mess, he was a mess. "Gonna cum." You whisper, your lips quivering as you were being pushed to your limits for a second time. You moan, coming to your finish. Your words trailed off and you closed your eyes, becoming lost in stars and galaxies once again. 

You watch him through your dazed eyes. You feel him pull his fingers out from inside of you, he spreads your cum in between them both. He slowly placed it inside of his mouth, sucking both of his fingers clean, relishing and obsessing with the taste of you. 

"I need you inside of me…" 

He doesn't need to be told twice. He looks you dead in the eye as he pulls the condom over his length. He catches on the way your eyes bulge at the sight of him. You licks your lips, slowly panting in and out. He gently takes one of your hands in his, guiding it to his length. He watches you through lustful eyes as you rest your palm flat against his bulge. He lets out grunts due to the immense overflow of pleasure he feels while you gulp at his size. 

He positions himself at your entrance. Only his head entered and you were swearing loudly, he drops his head into the crook of your neck and mutters curse words, the sound of how he's making you feel makes his head spin. "My fucking god, you're so fucking big." He smiles as you babble, you try to tell him something else but he couldn't make it out, you were incapable of forming a coherent sentence. 

He feels an overflow of affection that he chooses to push aside, he didn't even know your name. "Is this okay?" He questions softly. He kisses your cheeks softly in hopes to calm you down. He doesn't move yet, he wants you to get used to his size. 

You hum. He hisses as you dragged him in, clenching his jaw and keeping the arch of his spine taut until you slowly grazed your fingers across his cheek. He shifts his position to allow himself to draw into you deeper. Every thrust was gentle but demanding, he entered you with powerful strokes. He loved the way you responded to him, your fingers sliding across the breadth of his shoulders to indent curved marks on his skin. 

Then you were unravelling around him, your breaths escaping in punctuated moans and gasps, your legs clamping tightly around his waist, fingers dipping into his skin. He was watching you, the way you moaned again and again on his skin was enough to push him to his own finish.

Letting his eyes flutter shut was so easy in the aftermath but he found himself utterly fascinated by you. He couldn't close his eyes, he couldn't go like he planned to, not yet. He absentmindedly freckles kisses on your lips, relishing the feeling of his hot liquid that spills inside of you. 

He was about to offer to clean you up but when he hears light snores leaving you, he realises that you were sound asleep. He quickly removes himself from inside of you, trying his best to ensure you don't wake up. He stays silent for a few moments, the recollection of what he had just done fully sinks in and he smiles. He smiles for real this time, it wasn't a forced fake smile, it was genuine and bright. This was the first time that he had felt good since Valentine's day, the first time he had enjoyed himself. He doubted if this day would ever come, if he could actually feel happiness after what had happened but here he was, grinning like a complete fool right now. 

He glances over to you, an unusual beam in his chest as he catches sight of how breathtaking you truly look. You looked well content and in peace, he was glad you were feeling the same way he did. Your cherry lips were slightly open, bruised from all the kissing and he felt a sudden urge to kiss you again. 

What was he doing? He should've been gone by now. This was just a one-night-stand, a night devoted to fixing him and restoring his broken sex drive. He felt somewhat healed, he felt as if having sex was enjoyable again so why the hell was he still here? What was keeping him from going? You were only a distraction, this wasn't serious. 

He looks at you once again, a wave of attachment and intimacy washing over him. He wasn't sure why he was feeling this way, it made him feel like a foolish idiot. All he knew was that he had to put an end to it. Anything more than casual sex was a big no for him, a massive red flag. He couldn't allow himself to go into that territory once again, he just wasn't ready, it was as simple as that. He wasn't ready for the commitment, for the risk of ending up with a broken heart, for the endless devotion and love. It would strain too much on him, it would harm him rather than uplift him. He couldn't be this naive again. He had to protect himself. 

Feelings were something he couldn't consider, they were something he had to shut off. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and trying to compose himself, trying to force those odd twinges of attachment and guilt he feels for what he's about to do. He forces himself to remind that this moment couldn't be eternal. It was fun for a night, this night did more for him than you could've ever imagined, it saved him but he had to leave now before it was too late. After Heejin, he swore to never allow anyone to come close again. 

He kisses your forehead softly, slipping into his clothes and leaving the hotel room. He takes one glance at you before shutting the door, suddenly wishing he didn't as all he feels is immense guilt. He doesn't even say goodbye. All this was to him was sex, it was fulfillment and pleasure, a mere one night stand. He would always remember this as the night that saved him after the breakup, he would always remember you as the girl who began his healing process. That was it, this was nothing more to it. He wouldn't be seeing you again and that was the way it was supposed to be, it was better for everyone. This story wasn't worth developing or blossoming. 

☆★ ☆

Jaemin comes home the following morning, trying his best to forget about you but every time he closes his eyes, all he can see is your face. What if leaving you the way he did was a mistake? Perhaps the universe had a plan for him and that plan was you. If that was the case then he had fucked everything up and caused the plan to go off route. 

He closes the door behind him and his eyes are glued to the stairs, all he wants to do is to disappear upstairs and hide in his room and that is what he's about to do until something else catches his attention. He narrows his eyes, catching on the decorations filling his house, the bright lights that were enough to make him blind and the horrible, obnoxious and loud music attacking his ear drums. He knew what this was, he hated that he knew what this was. He hated that his friends were notorious for throwing the best parties, of course he didn't think they were good, he hated parties yet half the year would turn up at them. 

Fuck, he was gonna kill Jeno. This was another time where he hadn't informed him that he was throwing a party. He hated parties, he hated people. He hated that they were in his house, in his house, he just wanted privacy, silence. 

He tries to push past the crowd of drunken people and couples. He tried his hardest to avoid eye contact, he saw familiar faces and didn't give them any attention when they looked as though they would greet him. He even turned down the advances of several girls who would try and make a move, he could sense when it was going to happen, he would just stare, make them uncomfortable with his presence and shake his head, he wasn't in the mood for casual sex and hooking up, not anymore. 

"No." Jaemin mutters to the dark haired girl approaching him, obviously wanting a conversation. Hyejoo frowns, not being able to let a single word out, Jaemin would cut her bullshit off before she would even start, he could always sense it. 

She frowns. "Heejin and Jiung are having so much fun without you!!" She shouts at the top of her lungs. Jaemin stops in his tracks, fingernails engraving the insides of his hands as he closes his eyes and counts to 10, something Jeno said would help calm him down whenever things got too much. 

He continuous walking, wanting to get as far away from her as possible. As Jaemin walks through the crowd of people, he feels dizzy and as if his head is spinning, the world feels like it's closing in on him. He definitely hated this, parties drained every inch of his being. He would never understand these people, wouldn't they prefer spending a night in the comfort of their room rather than at an obnoxiously loud party? 

Out of all the people dancing, his eyes landed on Shotaro and he can't help but give him a small smile in response. When he catches sight of him, he returns with an enthusiastic wave. He looked so cute. He was dancing with everybody, his warmth would make anybody grin. He was so friendly, so fun. 

He hears people calling his name but he ignores them, not having any energy for social interaction and he wouldn't be hiding that. He sees all the alcohol bottles scattered around everywhere and he tries to stop that chilling and dangerous feeling that travels down his spine. He even catches sight of someone who apparently sold the best drugs. He fights every urge, including the voice of Jeno who's currently in his head, shaking his own head and showing major disapproval for the fact he's actually considering drinking. 

Fuck it, he just wanted to have a good time. The one good thing about parties was the free drinks so Jaemin couldn't be angry at Jeno for throwing yet another party. Although he hated people and hated his personal space being invaded, he loved alcohol and drugs more than both of those things combined so he couldn't find himself to actually be mad at Jeno. Jeno loved partying, something he would never quite understand. It brought him great joy while Jaemin couldn't think of anything worse than partying, it was another thing to add to the list of the million ways Jaemin and Jeno were different. Despite their differences, they were as close as two friends could be. 

His dependency on the substances took importance over everything else, he could feel the burning hate inside slowly melting away as he drank every last drop of the liquid. Drinking was the only thing that would make him feel nothing. Sometimes the pain became too much so Jaemin needed to numb himself, he would do anything to forget every once in a while, to forget. 

Just as he's about to twist open another bottle, someone calls his name and he can't ignore it. It's Jeno. Jaemin sighs and curses under his breath, gulping every last content of the bottle before it would slip out from his grip. Jeno doesn't even react at Jeno's unexpected arrival as his eyes are glued on the bottle he's holding, alarm enters his eyes and the only thing he's interested in is getting alcohol as far away from Jaemin as possible, he hastily removes the bottle from his grip and gives him a serious look, the most serious look he's ever given him. He doesn't say anything, his gaze says enough. 

Seconds later Jeno's eyes become soft for a reason that's beyond Jaemin. He sees an apology written all over his face. "I didn't know you were gonna come so early… I wouldn't have thrown a party if I had known." Jeno whispers in gratitude, he wasn't able to say sorry. That was one of his few flaws, he just simply couldn't say the words 'I'm sorry.' 

Jaemin shakes his head when he sees the immense guilt on his face, he knows why he was feeling this way. He didn't need to feel that way, he didn't need to be wary around Jaemin anymore. "You don't feel sorry about the fact you keep throwing parties in my house -" 

Jeno rolls his eyes. "Our house." It was Jaemin's parents house, the boys had moved in with him. 

" - You feel sorry about the fact that there's alcohol everywhere around me." 

Jeno shakes his head hysterically, opening his mouth and throwing his arms up. "You can't blame me!! You are someone who shouldn't be around drugs or alcohol. Jae… you become out of control." He tries to make such a heavy topic sound light hearted and humorous but he can't, there was nothing funny about it. Jeno couldn't hide how scared he was every time he saw Jaemin drinking or smoking, it made him fear losing him, he couldn't lose him. He couldn't live without him. 

Jaemin returns the seriousness. That was something Jeno loved about Jaemin, he was honest and always straight to the point, he didn't joke around or waste time. "I'm serious, I'm okay." I have you, so I'll be okay, Jaemin thinks. Jeno fights the urge to roll his eyes, he had heard him say the words 'I'm okay' a hundred times yet none of those times did he tell the truth. Why was it so hard for him to admit that he needed help? That he wasn't okay? 

"I had a good time, I'm feeling good." He tries to convince him further. Jeno narrows his eyes. He was being serious, he knew Jaemin incredibly well and he could tell when he was telling the truth. It wasn't like Jaemin was good at hiding emotions, he was actually terrible at doing so. That was the funny thing, everyone assumed that Jaemin was this dark, mysterious being who could mask everything he was thinking with a straight face but that wasn't the case. He slipped, there were ways to know what he was feeling, Jeno could read him like an open book and was surprised that everyone believed he was so closed off and shut. But he understood it, they had been attached by the hip since youth. No one knew Jaemin like he did. 

He didn't hide his feelings around him. So, that meant he was being for real about having a good time and feeling good. Jeno laughs while he grins, placing an arm on his shoulder and nodding enthusiastically. Jaemin could swear he saw a tear in his eye. He felt ecstatic, he wasn't sure what on earth Jaemin had gotten up to but he knew that whatever it was had made smile for the first time in months. 

The two of them are distracted when a body ends up wrapped in Jeno's arms. "Hi, pretty." Jeno whispers against Sua's lips, kissing her softly, the sound of smooching suddenly stops and they both pull back. Jaemin narrowed his eyes, this was incredibly weird… Sua and Jeno used to have full on makeup sessions in front of him, much to his disapproval of course. He had eaten her out, she had sucked him off and they had done other terrifying things whilst in the same room as Jaemin. As of recent times, they had stopped doing that. They become less affectionate in front of him, they were mindful about what they did. Perhaps Jaemin was looking into it too much but he had an idea that they were doing it for him. 

They did it because they didn't want him to be reminded of Heejin, they did it because they thought the sight of happy relationships would make him hate himself even more. He appreciated their constant mindfulness, he really did. But they didn't need to step on eggshells around him, he could handle seeing his very in love friends acting on that. He couldn't be spiteful, he was happy for people in love, he truly was. He loved seeing Jeno happy, he deserved it more than anyone in the world.

"Jaemin!!" Sua's high pitched voice cuts him from his thoughts. She automatically latches her arms around him and hugs him tight. She always did that. At first, he never used to hug her back but when he realised that she would do it minutes on end without letting go, he realised it was probably in both of their best interests to hug her back. 

He slowly wraps his arms around her, allowing himself to relax in the comforting touch of his friend. He overhead her once saying that she would randomly hug him every once in a while because he needed some physical contact. She claimed that he would go stiff without it but he knew the real reason why she was so keen on hugging him every so often, it was much deeper than that. Sua was smart, she noticed everything, she could easily know what Jaemin was feeling and what he needed. 

She knew that he had missed physical contact. He missed the intimacy, the hugging, the holding hands, the kissing… Obviously she couldn't compare to the touch of someone he loved in a romantic way and she could only offer her help in one of those departments but it was more helpful than anyone could ever imagine. He appreciated it, he would forever be grateful for her mindfulness, it was small things like this that made his day. She always looked out for him. 

He gives Sua a small smile as she backs away. He sees her wide his eyes, subtly (but not so subtly because Jaemin could make out every word) mouth to Jeno 'Did he really just smile at me?' Jeno nods back, the two of them sharing big grins with shocked eyes. 

He ignores whatever they're silently communicating about. It was dumb but he could still feel Sua's hug. It was obviously just the comfort of a friend and nothing else but it made him miss Heejin even more. It made it impossible for him to forget about Heejin, it made him long for her. It was crazy how much he missed her, her warmth, her kisses, her hugs. He missed everything. 

Jaemin is forced to stop thinking about Heejin and to interact with Renjun as he makes his way towards where they all are. "Jaemin!!" He enthusiastically greets. Jaemin wondered how broken and fucked up he truly seemed to his friends if Renjun, someone who rarely spoke more than three words, always said hi to Jaemin with such enthusiasm. He must've been concerned if even Renjun actively made a conscious effort to uplift Jaemin, the same Renjun who took no faze or reaction to anything. 

He carried on the weird enthusiasm. "Come and have a drink with me!!" He gives him the most forced yet wide smile ever. Jaemin mouth waters as he eyes the vodka that Renjun is holding. "Actually, don't have a drink with me…" Renjun takes back what he had just said, in response to Jeno who glares at him, wondering why the hell he would offer that. 

Jaemin knew exactly what that strong and frosty glare meant. At times Jeno was like his mother, he didn't know someone who restricted his drinking so much. 

Minju quickly pulls away from the girl she was currently making out with. She breathes heavily, smiling at him. "Come and eat with me!" Minju beams, not even waiting for his response as she's back to kissing that girl. 

"I'm good…" Jaemin shakes his head.

"Do you wanna watch something? We can watch your favorite movie." Sua offers. 

"It's okay." Jaemin turns her offer down politely. 

"Let's dance!" Shotaro yells at the top of his lungs. Although Jaemin has problems turning this offer down because Shotaro was too fucking adorable, he couldn't handle rejecting him, he had the softest spot for him. Despite this, he ends up rejecting his offer in the politest way he can manage. 

Jaemin did love his friends, he loved how caring they were. They were by his side and made sure he wasn't alone, he wasn't sure where he would be now if he didn't have them after the breakup. He did appreciate that but sometimes they were so pestering. They all looked at him as if he was broken and needed fixing, that may have been true but it didn't particularly make him feel good about himself. He knew that they had good intentions and that they were doing everything out of the good of their hearts but it still made him feel as if he was a lost cause, as if he was dragging everybody back. 

He looks at every one of his friends, not missing their piercing eyes. They wanted to help, they always did. What if he didn't need helping anymore? "Guys, I'm fine. Please, believe me." He tries to put on his most believable smile, hoping that they would leave him alone, respectfully. 

No one speaks for a while, everyone just shares empty glances to one another. There's a silence that makes him feel tense. What if they didn't believe him? Jeno finally breaks the silence and Jaemin feels so grateful for him at this moment. "Yeah, he is fine." He whispers just loud enough for everyone to hear. Jaemin could see a sense of pride in Jeno's eyes, it was something that was vastly different from the worry and hurt he usually had evident in his gaze whenever looking at Jaemin. For once he felt as though he wasn't a broken person, as if he was healing. He hoped his friends found that believable too. 

"Now I'm gonna go upstairs and work on some photography stuff… You guys can leave me alone. Nothing will happen, trust me." He says seriously, looking at every single one of them and ensuring they heard him loud and clear. 

He begins walking towards the stairs, ready to head up to his room. On his pathway he catches Yangyang, who looked so upset and heartbroken. That could only mean one thing, he knew what it meant. Jaemin quickly moves his gaze over to where everyone is dancing, the second he sees Donghyuck making out and seductively dancing with a few girls around him, Yangyang's emotions finally make a lot of sense. He always did this, he always stares at Donghyuck when he is with other girls and he makes it incredibly obvious how jealous he is, he wasn't good at hiding it. Jaemin had known for the longest time that Yangyang was madly in love with Donghyuck, he was sure that every single one of his friends knew. It was collective knowledge that was never verbal yet no one ever spoke of it. 

The funny thing was that Yangyang assumed no one knew but him, he thought that he didn't make his love for Donghyuck. Jaemin questioned if Donghyuck knew, he wouldn't be surprised if everyone else knew but him. He was an oblivious guy, he wasn't very observant. He didn't notice anything, not as much as Jaemin did, it was what made the two of them so different. He looked at Yangyang again, he felt deeply for him, he could see his pain. He knew how much he loved Donghyuck so he couldn't imagine how hard it was to see someone you love give everyone else attention but you. 

He walks over to where Yangyang is. Yangyang looks up immediately when he notices that he's there, giving him a small smile. Jaemin silently pats his shoulder and then they nudge. "You good man?" Yangyang greets and Jaemin nods in response. He liked him. He liked how he didn't force kindness, it was never over the top for him. He was one of the few people who didn't look at Jaemin as if he was broken or a lost cause. Perhaps he understood what Jaemin was going through on a more personal and mental level, maybe he understood the pain and the suffering. 

"Why don't you dance with those girls he keep staring at you?" Jaemin questions. He would do anything to wipe that depressing frown off his face. He was sorry for the fact that he was alone. He could've chosen to party with the others, to dance with anybody else or to actually have a fun time but he chose his own heartbreak instead. 

Yangyang quietly crosses his head at that question. He wasn't interested, he was only interested in attention from one person. It wasn't fair that the one person who he wanted to notice him would never do so. He did this at every party. He would sit on the side like an absolute loser and stare longingly at Hyuck. Yangyang didn't deserve to feel this way, Jaemin thought. He was a good person, an even better friend. It killed Jaemin to see him in such immense pain. 

"It will get better." Jaemin whispers to him, glancing over at Donghyuck before meeting Yangyang's eyes once again. He looks at him sincerely, hoping that he would believe the genuineness in his words. "This pain that you're feeling… Right now it feels like it will never end but it will get better, it always gets better. Pain doesn't last forever." 

Yangyang scoffs. "Dude, you're literally worse than I am." He responds. That was another thing Jaemin liked about him, his honesty. He said things how it was, he never beat around the bush. He was somehow kind and honest all at once, the best combination.

Jaemin sighs when he sees that his eyes are back on the dance floor again. He was now actively making an effort to hide the hurt in his eyes but he was incredibly bad at doing so. Jaemin understood that on personal levels, it was impossible to hide agony no matter how badly you wanted to, at least one person would realise you're faking happiness. 

"It's just gonna make you feel worse -" 

"Why are you giving me advice?" Yangyang questions with a raised eyebrow. This was unlike Jaemin, very out of his character. These past few months he was the one who needed helping, he was the one who had to be given all the advice possible yet now he seemed okay. Now he was trying to help others. "Why are you smiling? What happened?" Yangyang couldn't hide the fact that the sight of him smiling was incredibly weird and unusual, it definitely wasn't something you saw everyday. This was so out of the ordinary, he felt as though normality would be restored the second that Jaemin went back to being the depressed and lonely fucker that he so rightfully characterised himself as. 

Jaemin was about to respond and tell him the reason why he was smiling, it was because he had sex with one of the most beautiful girls. He would be honest about it, he had nothing to hide, it was the truth. That was the sole reason why he felt so happy now, he wasn't sure how long the happiness would last but he didn't feel himself coming down from it, he felt as if he would be on an all time, euphoric high. 

Just as he was about to tell him, someone else beat him to it. "YOU HAD SEX!!" He hears the overly enthusiastic and loud voice of Sua, who runs over to him, Jeno following shortly behind. "That describes everything, only phenomenonal sex can make someone so happy." 

Jaemin wasn't even questioning how Sua knew, she somehow found out about everything. He doesn't confirm or deny. He looks at her in a calm way, no visible change of emotion in his face. Everyone observes him silently, he could swear he saw another tear well up in Jeno's eyes. It was obvious what this calmness meant, everyone knew what it meant. It meant that Sua was right. 

"JAE!!" Jeno finally shouts, grinning as he opens his arms and hugs him tightly. He couldn't believe how good this felt, all he wanted was for Jaemin to be happy, that was the only thing he had wanted these past few months and now that wish was becoming reality. It wasn't like Jaemin had lost his virginity but it felt that way. Having sex after a terrible break up was such a huge thing, it was a massive accomplishment. It meant that Jaemin was getting better, it was the first step to recovery. 

"I seriously wanna throw you a party." Sua mutters. There was no teasing in her voice and it made Jaemin alarmed, she was being serious. He shakes his head at her once, that was all it took for her to understand that it was a bad idea. She throws her hands up defensively at him. "I'm sorry for wanting to be a good friend and celebrating this great occasion…" 

"How did you know?" Yangyang asks her curiously. 

Jaemin groans… it was time for his psych consult. "It's so obvious when someone has had good sex, only exceptional fucking can make someone as happy as Jaemin is. He's not stressed, he's not holding a worry in the world. It looks like he's in a permanent happy mood, he's so uplifted. We should've noticed something was up when he greeted every one of us instead of running to his room. He's smiling for real too." Sua proudly states, opening her palms to give Jaemin a high five to which he returns. 

"And he has that radiant sexual afterglow, you're shining." Jeno adds. Everyone goes silent and observes him before collectively agreeing that he did have an afterglow. Although Jaemin presented himself as calm and relaxed, which he was, especially in comparison to his friends, he was still in disbelief. He couldn't believe something so good had happened to him. He wasn't sure if he felt deserving of it. He blamed himself when Heejin left and kept trying to convince himself that he didn't deserve happiness, that he didn't deserve another chance at love, let alone sex and pleasure. But he was becoming less harsh on himself, he allowed himself to feel joy for once. He couldn't believe how significant one good night could be, after three straight months of suffering and pain, all it took was one night to heal him. 

He knew the happiness probably wouldn't last forever but he didn't care, all that mattered was what he felt now and he felt amazing. He felt as if he was finally alive and breathing. He quickly places his palm over his heart, feeling steady beating. For the first time in a long time he felt as if his heart was connected in his body. His thoughts dissolve when he hears that oh so familiar clicking sound, accompanied with a bright and flashing light. Jaemin can't help but smile sweetly at Shotaro who stands right in front of him, capturing the moment on Jaemin's camera. "Someone should store this beautiful and happy memory." Shotaro is sentimental, causing Sua to caress his hair in an adoring and loving way. Shotaro grins at her like a puppy. 

"So… who did you have sex with?" Renjun cuts straight to the chase, asking the question that was on everybody's mind. Jaemin quickly takes a glance around, watching the focused and curious expressions on every single one of his friends faces, they all wanted to know. They were also so incredibly nosy, they all waited patiently, ready for him to spill. 

He locks eyes with Jeno for a few seconds, the two of them sharing sheer happiness and pride. For once, Jaemin felt like he could open up to every single one of them. Normally, he wasn't someone who spoke a lot. He didn't share his feelings or make his emotions known, he kept to himself. He had always been like that but it was more noticeable now more than ever. He really never spoke, he could be dying inside and he still wouldn't express it verbally. The secrecy and protection he held over his inner feelings was magnified due to a particular past event that included Heejin leaving him.

While he rarely shared stuff, he did have to let one person know what on earth was going on inside of that complicated head of his. That person was Jeno, he could tell him anything. He would go in great depth and it would always be unfiltered, he felt this immense comfort around him that was indescribable. He really was the only person he spoke a lot with, he was comfortable around him. He needed some sanity from time to time and speaking to him could offer him that. Normally, Jaemin would only tell him about something like this but he can't shake the sight of the group's curiosity, they so badly wanted to know. 

Jaemin felt ready to share it with them. Fuck it, what did he have to lose? "I had sex with a girl I met from the wedding, It was really good. I feel like myself again." He says, cutting straight to the point. The group went silent for a moment and it was unusual, silence was something foreign to them. However, Jaemin wasn't complaining. They all spoke entirely too much, even Renjun at times. 

The silence only lasted for a mere few seconds though. He suddenly regrets telling them all at once. A hundred questions were thrown at him and it made Jaemin's head spin. What was her name? Did you get her number? What position did you do it in? What does she do? How did you feel? Who made the first move?... The questions just went on and on, there was no stopping. He wondered how on earth they had so many questions inside of them. 

He decides to answer every question thrown at him, all at once. "I didn't get her name or her number, it was just a one-night-stand and nothing more. We obviously did it in missionary, what other position would you do during your first time with someone? I'm not sure what she does but she made the wedding cake and she's the same age as us, she said she's moving to a new college. I made the first move and I felt so good, I felt happy. The sex was so much more than I could've imagined it to be." It healed me and fended for my broken scars. Jaemin would never say that out loud, his friends would never let him hear the end of it. 

He eyes them again, relishing in the silence as he responds to every single question posed at him. "Are you guys happy now? Does that answer it for you?" Everyone looks satisfied but Sua. Jaemin fights the urge to roll his eyes, he should've predicted this, she'd probably never stop asking questions. 

"What was she like? Describe to me how you felt around her." 

Jaemin can't stop the smile that spreads on his face as he thinks about you. "She was a breath of fresh air. I've never warmed up to a stranger so much, I've never felt such a high level of desire and pleasure directed at a stranger before. She was so kind and happy, it felt contagious. She was always smiling, you possibly couldn't feel any negative emotion around her. Not only that but she was so beautiful, so breathtaking. Having sex with her felt so good, it made me feel alive."

Jaemin takes a deep breath, instantly regretting saying so much, why on earth was he so open all of a sudden? He visibly cringed at himself, wishing he could take it all back. It wasn't that he didn't mean it, he meant every single word and more. It was more due to the fact that he felt embarrassed for sharing so much. 

All of his friends looked at him so purely, the emotions were mixed. Renjun had pure happiness on his face. These last few months had scared him hugely, he had never seen Jaemin so broken and lost. It certainly sparked concern in him. Now though, he was relieved that Jaemin seemed like he was doing much better. Jeno holds more emotional heaviness and weight. His eyes were full of life but it was so much more than that. He had witnessed Jaemin at his worst, fragile voice and relentless sobbing when Heejin left him. He was with him every second, consoling him through every mental breakdown, every self doubting and questioning moment, every dark day. Jeno tried to stay strong for Jaemin but it was hard when his other half was in such intense agony and suffering. He felt his pain with him, he hurt for him. They were connected in that way. Jeno looks at him now, he can see pure happiness and genuine smiles. Jeno can't help but mirror that emotion, he was ecstatic and beyond the moon. You could only see a huge grin plastered on Jeno's face but it was so much more than that, it held so much more significance than what meets the eye. Jeno felt every emotion he did, he could feel his happiness. 

Shotaro beams so bright like the cute puppy that he was. Seeing Jaemin in pain made him cry for the first time ever. Shotaro wasn't someone who felt sadness, he was always so optimistic and bright yet he felt every single emotion for Jaemin. He was there the day that Heejin left him, a memory he wants to erase permanently. To distract himself, he silently hands Jaemin his camera back. 

He takes his camera and the first thing he can see is the photo Shotaro had taken earlier. It catches Jaemin off guard, he didn't realise that he could smile as widely as that. It felt like he was looking at a photo of a stranger. The photo was taken with flash so the smile was undeniably bright but Jaemin was sure it would still shine in a dark room. 

Jaemin liked this, he could grow used to this. He liked the idea of his friends looking at him as if he was a normal person, as if he wasn't broken and needed fixing. This was the first time he had felt normal in months. 

A dry cough catches Jaemin's attention and forces him to cut loose from his thoughts. He meets eyes with Sua, not understanding why her face was so blank. There was a reason for this, she always had a deliberate reason for everything. He was proven right when out of nowhere, the blankness suddenly becomes anger. She leans forward and flicks her nail across his forehead. He winces in pain and looks at her in an annoyed manner. He flipped her off, there was absolutely no reason for her to have done that. "Why didn't you get her number?" She questions through glaring eyes. 

"It was a one night stand, there was no point in making it something more than it has to be." Jaemin tries to prove his point. It was as simple as that, the pleasure would only be enjoyable for one night. Jaemin wasn't emotionally ready for anything more than simple sex and pleasure right now. In some ways, he was still hung up on Heejin. He couldn't move on when he was still in love with his ex. 

Sua couldn't believe the nonsense that was coming out from his mouth. He had just described the girl as if he had fallen in love with her, he said that she made him feel alive and that her happiness was contagious so why was he trying to convince himself that it was nothing more than a one night stand? This could've been something big for him. He spoke about her the way he used to speak about Heejin. "I see what it is. You're just in denial." 

"In denial about what?"

Jaemin locks eyes with Sua, wondering what on earth she was thinking about now. He suddenly regrets asking her. "I think he's in loooveee with the girl from the wedding!!!!" She dramatically shouts, causing him to wince at how loud she truly was. She teased him by making obnoxiously loud smooching sounds, pretending to make out with the air. She was normally so dramatic and loud about everything but she had been acting over the top and exaggerating it lately. Jaemin knew why, she'd do anything to see him smile again.

"Look at how he's grinning... he's definitely in love." Jeno adds, his voice less teasing and more serious. He was still in disbelief, it felt like years since Jaemin had walked into a room with a smile on his face.

"Yeah I am." He responds to Sua in such a nonchalant and expressionless way but what he says holds huge importance. He doesn't notice the way Sua and Jeno go completely silent, looking into each other's eyes in shock. Jeno didn't realize that he was actually serious about this while Sua didn't expect him to admit something like that easily. It seemed too easy, something seemed off but seemed serious, he was serious.

"I'm in love." He quietly whispers, his voice breaking and a single tear welling in his eyes as he clicks through the photos on his camera that he had taken of Heejin in Paris last summer. He holds his hands over his heart and breathes in and out... inhale, exhale, just like Jeno had told him when things become too much. As if that would physically stop his heart from shattering into a million pieces. 

Jeno had just gotten over the moment but Sua hadn't, she noticed something was off. She always notices, nothing ever slips from her eyes, especially if it concerns Jaemin. She catches the frown on his face, the way his shoulders have sinked. She observes Jaemin for a short while then moves beside him. She tuts as her eyes move to where he's looking. She silently takes the camera from his hands and deletes every single photo that he was looking at, fighting the urge to drop the camera on the tiles and smash it into a million pieces. 

Sua sees the look on Jaemin's face and it kills her. She has to change the subject, she has to make him distracted. "Are you sure you don't wanna see her again?" She questions, faking the most enthusiastic tone. She takes a look at him and tries to maintain composure but she struggles doing so, he was still hung up on Heejin and it was utterly heartbreaking. 

Jaemin doesn't have to think about it. "No." He responds bluntly, he sounded so sure of himself that you wouldn't guess he was having doubts. Did he want to see you again? He would do anything to feel that happiness eternally but then he suddenly remembers the state he was in after the breakup. It's like he can almost feel the pain again, the tears that sunk into his skin after a while, leaving his face feeling so broken, red and raw. He remembers wishing that everyday would be his list. 

"Yeah no, I definitely don't wanna see her again." He whispers, reconfirming his rejection towards the question. He couldn't believe how he was even considering it. Every time he became delusional and thought about love, his body would always sink back to the time after the break up and he would relive those terrible days. Sometimes it felt like he was still living it. The harsh reminder pushes him back into reality. Everytime he became too close to someone, he would always get the reminder of how every love story ends and it would leave him to cancel out and reject every possibility of having relations that were more than sex or pleasure. 

He had to protect himself, he hoped that Jeno would understand that. He should've understood more than anybody. "Don't give me that look." He mutters to him. "I'm not ready for all of this intense stuff, not after what happened with Heejin. You know that, Jeno." 

Jeno throws his hands up in defence in response. "Fine but I feel like this could be something good for you. I don't like how you're just throwing this chance out when you don't even know her name." 

Jaemin shakes his head, shutting out every possibility of it becoming something more. He sighs when he thinks about how broken he was. Perhaps the happiness he felt when he had slept with you was only temporary and it was wearing off now. He wants to dig himself in a hole when he thinks about feeling pain again. Fuck, he wasn't okay. He was still suffering, would it ever stop? Would he ever be able to move on? Would he ever stop feeling like absolute shit? Just when Jaemin thought he was happy, he found himself in the same, repetitive and self deprecating cycle. He feared he would never get out of it. He wasn't sure how he was living with this intense agony. He doubted if he was actually alive. Yes, he was living and breathing but at times he felt disconnected from his body. 

"Are you okay?" He heard Jeno whisper to him, his fall full of concern. 

He shakes his head immediately. He wasn't okay, he doubted if he'd ever be okay. Any happiness he felt was only temporary, everything came to an end. 

☆★☆★

JAEMIN'S POV - first meeting after the wedding 

The peace in the room suddenly distorts the second Sua walks in dramatically, she certainly always made an entrance. "Everything has to be perfect!!" She shouts at the top of her lungs, ordering Yangyang to fix the sofas, Donghyuck to clean the mirrors, Renjun to clean the kitchen and Shotaro to turn the oven on. All of them, apart from Shotaro, said no and flipped her off. 

Sua watches Shotaro with a grin, playing with his hair and calling him her 'favorite.' Jaemin can't help but laugh, all he was doing was turning on the switch to the oven but he got it, everyone was whipped for Shotaro, he could just simply walk into a room and everyone would be swooning at his feet. 

"Stop playing games and help!!" She shouts to Donghyuck, whacking the controller from his hands. 

"Why are Jaemin, Jeno and Minju exempt?" 

She tuts at Donghyuck, clearly unimpressed with the question. "Because Jeno's my boyfriend, I love Minju and it's better if Jaemin doesn't help because his mood is not welcome!!" 

Jaemin turns to Jeno quietly. "Is her friend coming over? The one from China?" 

He nods in response. Jaemin signs in realisation, finally understanding why she had been acting absolutely crazy and like a perfectionist for the last week, it was because one of her friends would be starting college here. The constant cleaning and sweeping of the house was because she was moving into the dorm, in Sua's words she wanted 'everything to be absolutely perfect for her.' Sua wanted to make her friend feel as though she was at home. 

Jaemin had heard a lot about her, Sua never shut up about her. He knew that they were incredibly close despite the fact that they lived in different countries. They  had been best friends since childhood, this would be the first time they would be meeting again after 15 years. 

He had only heard good things about her. Sua always described her as someone who was capable of changing lives, someone who had a pure soul, good intentions and a kind attitude. Someone who had a good will, always made those around her feel appreciated, included and valued. 

Jaemin had heard so much about her, sometimes he felt as though he knew her. 

He rolls his eyes when Sua comes up in front of him, staring deep into his eyes before pointing an accusing finger in his direction. He fights the urge to flip her off. "You will not scare her." She orders him, her voice serious and chilling. 

He holds his hands up in defense, knowing better than to dismiss or ignore anything that she said but he couldn't hide his confusion. "I'm not a scary person, I'm more kind and friendly than you think." 

The entire room erupts in laughter when he finishes, even Shotaro, who instantly feels bad and apologises to him. He gives each and every one of them a dirty look, crossing his arms and claiming that he wasn't an unfriendly person. He just loved his own company, he kept himself to himself to minimise the chances of someone bothering him. There was a huge difference between that and unfriendliness. Jaemin could be welcoming if he wanted to, he just didn't want to. 

"But I'm being serious, she's so pure and innocent so will not corrupt her with your mystery or darkness, you stay away from her, she usually goes for guys like you and they always break her heart." Sua reaffirms when she dies down from laughter, making him understand the seriousness of her words. 

He can't help the visible distaste that spreads across his face. Mystery? Darkness? Jaemin was none of those things, he liked to describe himself as quiet, responsible and reserved. What the fuck was she going on about? Sometimes such garbage and nonsensical rubbish left her mouth. "I don't intend on getting close and personal with your friend, don't worry." He mumbles, she probably wasn't even his type anyways. Not that it mattered whether she was or not, he couldn't think about moving on from Heejin when he was still hung up and in love with her. 

"What's she like anyways? This friend of yours?" Yangyang asks randomly. 

Jaemin observes as Sua's face instantly brightens up both in expression and complexion. She smiled so wide, she clearly loved speaking about someone she cared about so much, someone that was so close and dear to her. He understood it, it was the way he felt towards Jeno. Friendship truly is the strongest bond in the world, that was something Jaemin solely believed in, he had been best friends with Jeno since pre school and nothing had weakened their friendship, they had only grown closer and stronger throughout the years. 

"She's the best person ever, there's so much to love about her, you're all gonna love her so much. She's so perfect, it's impossible not to fall for her, literally everyone falls for her in one way or another and you're all gonna understand what I mean when you meet her. She's gonna fit in with us so well, I can already see her in this group. You're all gonna go crazy for her once you get to know her, you're gonna wanna do anything for her, anything to make her happy."

"Are you sure because this group hasn't been known for being very inclusive of outsiders, we never let people in." Renjun's brutally honest words ruin the sweet moment. 

Sua gives him a deadpan expression. "She's not an outsider. She's one of us." Those two sentences were enough to send everyone a message, to never question her about it again. 

"If we don't let people in, it's because Sua finds a way to intimidate or scare them so they run. Or because Donghyuck fucks them and then breaks their heart because they think he wants something more serious, it ruins the friendship and drives them out." Everyone collectively agrees with what Minju has just said, there have been countless and possible new additions to the friend group but nobody has ever stuck, everyone becomes temporary. 

"Or because they steal the trip their boyfriend has saved up for since high school and leave him in the process." Donghyuck feels the need to add, instantly regretting it seconds after as he widens his eyes and shoots Jaemin an apologetic glance. 

The room goes silent and Jaemin groans as everyone turns to him sympathetically, apart from Jeno who gives Donghyuck the most deadpan and frozen expression ever. Jaemin wants to sink under once again, the reminder of what had happened is never pleasant and his friends were all looking at him as if he was broken, again. 

He tries to open his mouth to speak, to tell his friends that they didn't need to look at him with such worry. He couldn't find himself to be angry at Donghyuck, all he was saying was the truth, there was no point shying away from the truth no matter how unpleasant it was. He wanted to convince his friends that he wouldn't start melting down at the reminder of what had happened to him, a verbal reminder of it wasn't enough to make him break but he couldn't convince them of that if he couldn't convince himself. His throat immediately dries up, he's suddenly finding it hard to breath and he finds himself reliving that day, he feels all the pain and redness all over again, he can feel his eyes becoming soaked from the pain. 

He feels as though his mouth has been clamped shut, as if he was unable to speak even just simple words or to even breath. The way the room goes silent and everyone's attention turns to him makes his blood boil in sheer panic, he wondered if he would ever stop feeling broken and torn apart. He breathes through his nose to try and keep stability, to remind himself that he was here in the present, having a good time with his friends. It was so easy for it to feel like time had turned back, as if he was here with Heejin and she was breaking his heart all over again. 

He hates how much attention he's drawn to himself, everyone looks at him through concerned and dazed eyes. He didn't want to stand out, he preferred keeping in the background and minding his own business but now he was drawing attention to himself in the worst way possible and there wasn't anything he could do to stop that, he couldn't just mend his broken heart. 

Jeno calls out his name softly, his eyes fixed on the blood oozing from Jaemin's palms from indent marks. It had been a long time since Jeno had noticed that the area was bleeding. He grips onto the clenched fists, pulling his fingers away and instead placing his own hand there. He didn't care that he was currently touching fresh blood. Jeno would prefer for Jaemin to dig his nails into his own hand rather than his palm.  

"How did you meet her again? The friend that's coming over from China?" Jeno questions Sua, sharing a look with her that Jaemin couldn't decipher but he knew what he was trying to do. He knew how much Jaemin hated attention, it surged him with a need to throw up. 

She shoots Jaemin one last look of concern before demanding everyone's attention, something to which he was so grateful for, his vision suddenly stopped blurring up the second he felt their peering eyes relocate to Sua. Jaemin isn't quite listening to what she's saying, he's just thankful that she's deliberately extending her points and speaking so much when she could realistically answer the question with a short response. 

He hears something about their mom's lecturing at the current college they were studying at, the two of them falling pregnant (with them) at the same time, the girls becoming childhood friends and spending most of their adolescence together. Those were the details that he picked up on, his ability to fully concentrate and listen was fuzzy for clear reasons. He was glad that she was offering him a distraction, an escape. He loved friendship, he loved hearing about that kind of close relationships, those were the ones least likely to end in heartbreak. 

"We lived on this campus when we were young, our Mum's we were lecturers here. We were inseparable, it was like living on a holiday resort with your best friend." Jaemin nods, he couldn't deny how beautiful the college campus was. It made attending his seminars a tad more enjoyable. He loved the scenery here, it made for visually stunning captures on his camera. 

He carried on listening to Sua speak about her friend, it weirdly gave him comfort. "We were childhood friends, the last time we saw each other in real life was when we were 9 years old, I haven't seen her since. I miss her." 

He focuses on the way Sua speaks about her, the smile in her eyes and the light that shone in her expression. "I would always get in trouble for such dumb shit but she'd always take the blame for me. She'd threaten to do very rude things to me if I tried owning up to it, she's a very violently positive person. I set a classroom on fire once and she took the blame without double thinking, I never even told her it was me, she just knew." Sua cracks up at the memory, finding it utterly hilarious whilst everyone else shares scared glances. 

"You started a fire?" 

Sua nods nonchalantly, as if it was nothing. 

"It's a bit out of the ordinary for a five year old to start a fire…" Jeno raises with utter concern, looking at his girlfriend with sheer terror in his eyes. He realised that she was absolutely capable of doing anything, the sky was the limit for her. 

She shrugs in return. "I was just playing with fire like your regular five year old who was curious about the world. What can I say? I was beyond gifted for someone at that age." She proudly claims, 

She flips off Donghyuck who says that gifted people don't start fires. "Plus your friend took the blame for it, a beyond gifted person would own up to that." He tuts in mock disapproval. 

Deciding she wasn't interested in what he was saying anymore, she continues to change the subject rather than give him a response. "When my Mum and Dad would argue she'd always be there with me to make me feel less lonely. She's hug me, hold my hand, hold me in her arms if I cried. We were both 5 and she could comfort me so well, she was always so mature. She'd look after me and distract me from what my parents would be screaming about, I would've gone crazy at that time if it weren't for her. I'd probably be so messed up now if she wasn't by my side during my parents divorce, she's probably the reason why it doesn't scar me so much in the present day."

Sua realised that she was probably over sharing and giving information that either had no relevance or that no one cared about. But she would carry on talking, she knew that non stop speaking about a random subject would distract Jaemin when his thoughts become too dark for him to handle. He was a listener, he couldn't listen and speak at the same time. She had become very used to speaking non stop to make him feel more sane. 

"When my Dad walked out on me and my Mum, she threw a flower pot at him." She laughs, the memory regurgitating in her head. She feels bittersweet at the nostalgia that passes over her, she missed those days so much 

"She seems really cool." Minju smiles, expressing how she couldn't wait to meet her. "What's her name again?" 

"Her names Sha -" 

"Wait - did I hear that right, she threw a flower pot at your Dad? You started a fire? Why on earth were you both so violent as young children? It's actually quite terrifying and explains quite a lot about you now." Renjun shakes his head from side to side, the fact that Sua has always been aggressive and violent, even since her youth, made so much sense. 

She shrugs it off. "I wasn't violent as a child, I was cute." She explains, saying she had the cutest childhood photos. She suddenly rises from her seat in a bounce, this joy and excitement present in the sudden movement. "I have photos of us when we were young!! Let me go and get them, they're the cutest, we were both such adorable and cute little girls." 

In Sua's absence, Renjun turns to Minju with a disappointed expression. "And you're saying they're cool? One of them used a flowerpot as a weapon and the other played with fire." He whispers with wide eyes, wondering how on earth people had such lively childhoods. 

Sua returns with an entire photobook, shoving photos in the group's faces and explaining a very lengthy and detailed back story to accompany every photo. She settles down next to Jaemin, turning his attention to a photograph that she was holding. He widens his eyes at the photo, it pictured 5 year old Sua holding a match and her friend posing with a flower pot in her hands. "My Mum took that photo of us!!" She grins wide in excitement, looking at the photo with nostalgia strong in her gaze. 

Jaemin hums, staring at that very photo with confusion and uncertainty in his eyes. The girl she was friends with looked familiar, Jaemin felt as though he knew who she was but he couldn't pinpoint where she was from. He had looked into those eyes before, he was sure of it. All he felt was familiarity the more he looked at the photo, had he met her as a child? He decides to shake the thought from his head, she probably just looked like someone else that he knew.

He listens to Sua carefully as she gives back stories to every single photo, sometimes her words weren't clear as she was just laughing and smiling, it was clear that their childhood together brought her a lot of joy and happiness. The others had stopped listening to her and were doing their own thing but Jaemin stayed, he listened and looked at every photo carefully, picturing the scenarios when Sua explained the story to each photo in grave detail. 

Listening to Sua talk about her memories with this girl calmed him, it made him feel okay. He didn't want to stop listening. It wasn't particularly what she was saying but how she said it, her voice was so calm, it was clear she only spoke in this relaxing and easing way about one person. Jaemin could clearly see the close bond that they had, he couldn't fight a smile, friendships were the one thing he appreciated the most in the world. 

Sua suddenly takes a break from her picture telling which makes Jaemin sigh in protest under his breath, he was actually enjoying it. "I'm boring you, aren't I?" 

"Tell me more." 

She grins at his words, restoring back to her animated and lively voice as she continues speaking about this girl. He wasn't sure what it was but she felt familiar and safe, hearing Sua talk about her in such fondness made him feel as though he knew her. He could feel his body physically easing, his heart rate slowed down and his blood stopped boiling. It felt as though he wasn't in pain anymore, as if he was starting to heal and recover. 

It was an oddly similar feeling to what he experienced at the wedding. 

He's suddenly transformed to the wedding again, feeling the same sheer happiness and joy that he felt on that very night. He can see that beautiful girl once again, he couldn't believe that they had never exchanged names. He feels her lips against his own, her body on his, her hands softly touching his skin, her beautiful laugh, her pretty lips against his skin, his cum inside of her… He can feel it again, he's reliving it. He doesn't ever wanna stop feeling it, the happiness, the bliss, the pleasure. 

Jaemin stops his thought process to question himself. Sua was talking about happy memories she had with her best friend, so why on earth was he reliving the wedding night again? Why was he suddenly thinking of the girl he had met then? There was absolutely no link or correlation. 

"Can I have one of your empty photo books? You have loads right? I want to make another photo book of us, just to show how much we've both grown. The last time I saw her was 15 years ago." She asks hopefully, she knew how many spare ones he had laying around in his room. 

He nods in response. "Why did she leave?" 

"Her Mum only taught at this college as a temporary lecturer, so she left after two years. I thought that I'd forget about her after a while. We were just young and growing up, I thought I'd make other friends and they'd make me forget about her but truth be told, she's unforgettable. Once she's in your life, she'll truly never leave, she earns a permanent place. I've missed her so much and her absence is so present, there's this terrible hole and emptiness not only in my life but my soul, my personality."

She lets out a depleting sigh, a frown present on her face. "I miss her so much…" 

Jaemin turns to look at her, offering her a small smile and putting his hand softly onto her back. "She'll come back to you soon." He whispers, his voice full of comfort. She drops her head on his shoulder, looking sideways to him and returning the smile. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Jaemin was currently spending some quality time with himself, he was alone, the way he liked it. He didn't always prefer it that way though. After the break up, his own presence became too consuming and intoxicating, the real pain would come when he was by himself as he would only have his self destructive thoughts to keep him company but he was doing a bit better now. He was still hurting but at least he could be alone now, his own company wasn't as crushing as it used to be. 

Everyone was at the house, they were so loud, like they always were although he wasn't complaining. The constant loud chatter that came from his friends made him feel less crazier, it made his mind shut down and gave him a distraction. It also makes him feel less lonely when the entire group is over, even if he would just stay up in his room and never leave. He likes knowing that there's people in the house, that he isn't alone. He did feel lonely at times but that was a whole other feeling, he could be around 100 people and he would still feel lonely. He was just grateful for the fact that his friends were always here, they never made him feel physically secluded or isolated. 

He can hear so much laughter and sounds of pure joy coming from downstairs, that's when he remembers that Sua's friend has come over from China. A part of him felt bad for not greeting her but he really couldn't be bothered, he had no social battery. Plus, the rest of the group had probably forgotten that he was in the house, it would make no difference whether he greeted her or not. 

Just as he's getting fully engrossed in this movie that he's watching, he can hear Jeno call him down, his voice so loud and scratching to his ears. He sighs, ignoring it the first time but when he calls him again, he realises that there was no way he could pretend as though he hadn't heard, you would probably be able to hear from another country. 

He quickly pauses his movie, taking a deep breath and calming his nerves. He knew why he was feeling anxious, he would be introduced to Sua's friend, he couldn't hide his nerves when meeting new people. He may appear calm and collected but he had his own set of fears deep inside and just like any introvert, he hated new and unfamiliar situations. He couldn't think of the last time where he felt settled when meeting someone new. 

Well, there was one exception. He didn't feel anxiously sick when he met that beautiful girl from the wedding. 

Just as he's walking down the stairs, he quickly pauses to take a look at his own reflection in the mirror, not believing that he was actually doing this by choice, that the feeling of throwing up hadn't washed over him yet. Normally his own reflection made him feel physically sick, it was a reminder that he was still living but now he didn't quite mind looking at himself in the mirror, he looked really fucking good. He knew it sounded vain but this was the first time the sight of his reflection hadn't ruined his day. 

He was dressed in all black, from his hair to his socks. The silver jewellery that he accessoried himself with was the only pop of color  He had his best earrings one, including a cross that dangled, accompanied with a series of silver studs. He had his favorite silver chains layered and stacked against his neck. He wore a tightly fitted, short sleeved black t-shirt, if you looked closely you'd be able to see the outline of his chest. He had a pair of black joggers on, which made the outfit look rather casual. 

Jaemin was finally downstairs. He walked over quietly to the group, making sure to be stealthy. He doesn't want to draw unnecessary attention to himself, he didn't want his arrival to be a big deal. He crosses his arm over his chest, a beam in his eyes as he catches sight of the alcohol on the desk. He's about to pour himself a glass but as if on queue, Jeno turns around and locks eyes with him immediately, a stern look on his face which makes Jaemin sigh. He places the glass down, not knowing why Jeno always became so serious and strict when it came to his alcohol tolerance, he claimed that Jaemin became "out of control" with the substance. 

He's glad that no one else has noticed his presence yet, he moved quietly for a reason. But that still didn't rid him of his nerves, he really didn't want to be here. Respectfully, he didn't care about meeting Sua's friends, she'd probably end up being nothing to him. He hoped that she wouldn't care about his presence, why did he even need to meet her? It was all such an irrelevance, it was unnecessary. He really fucking hated socialising. 

He narrows his eyes as he sees a figure who looks oddly distant yet familiar to him. He assumed it was Sua's friend, she had his back turned to him so he couldn't see her face yet. He couldn't stop staring, his mouth wide open and he's unable to form a single or coherent thought, it was incredibly rare for Jaemin to be left stunned and shocked yet here he was. His eyes blink in disbelief, he had a million questions. 

He knew the answer, he knew that what was happening was a one in a million chance. He just didn't want to accept it yet, he didn't want it to be the truth even though he knew it was. He knew that frame, he knew that body. He could spot it anymore, even in a crowd full of a million people. He couldn't see your face but he knew who you were, you didn't need to turn around for him to know. It probably would feel more real if he looked into your eyes. 

He hates this. He hates what he's feeling right now, what he's thinking. Why was this happening? Why did the worst things always happen to Jaemin? Why were you here? What was going on? The chances of this happening were so minimal, it was little to none, one in a million yet it was happening to him. What had he actually done to deserve this? 

His eyes are already heavy and dazed, stuck on you as you turn around slowly. He could see instant humor in your expression but the second your eyes lock on his, it's replaced with sheer shock and confusion. Your lips fall in a straight line before opening slowly, your eyes widen in terror and you stare at him. Your gaze wasn't as strong as his but it still made him feel hot and heated underneath it. 

You both stay frozen in your positions, your gazes strong as you stare endlessly at one another. He couldn't believe the chances of what was happening, was this real? Is he real? He places his palm over his heart to see if it was still beating, he gulps when realising it was steady and in even beats. He wished that wasn't the case, he wishes that this wasn't actually happening. But this was real, he was actually living this, that this was the honest reality. Honest and annoying reality. 

He really didn't want you to be here, he didn't want to see you again. 

He can't help but roll his eyes, discreetly of course, meaning he was rolling them internally. He found your reaction amusing, annoying. Whilst he had managed to stay composed and calm, you hadn't. He stared as he watched you choke on coffee, your eyes bulging in embarrassment as the liquid pours down your chin. 

He wasn't sure why he was so annoyed, perhaps it was because he couldn't deal with this, it would've been perfect if you had only seen each other that one night but now you were here, he couldn't believe it. 

He doesn't like the way you're reacting, drawing attention to the two of you for no reason. For obvious reasons, he isn't shocked at the way that you're acting because he knows why you were so nervous but the group didn't, he watches as they all collectively turn to look at you with puzzled expressions on their faces, not knowing why muffled chokes were leaving your throat. "I know he's handsome and all but you kinda look like an idiot right now." He can hear Minju whisper to you, she attempted to be discreet and quiet but he could hear from the other side of the room. 

Dumbass. He thinks. Why were you making it so obvious that you were flustered by him? Couldn't you just be discreet? He didn't like big reactions or displays of emotion, he found it annoying for absolutely no reason. He wishes that you would've acted cool and collected, just like him. He would never wear his heart on his sleeve like that.

Although he was annoyed for reasons that feel both stupid yet understandable, he feels bad and sorry that his presence was putting you in this situation. You did look ridiculous. He watches as you quickly wipe coffee that had dripped down your chin, your movements sudden and rapid. He tilts his head to the side, holding back from genuinely smirking, he couldn't stop the smile that plastered in his face though. Cute. 

The smile falls from his face rapidly, he throws away that thought and forces it to be pushed into dangerous territory. No. He couldn't think in this way. He refused to. He knows he's fucked when he sees the way you're looking at him, he claims he isn't interested in your clearly affectionate smile yet he couldn't help but observe you, to catch on your ways of behavior and mannerisms. He couldn't help it, he shouldn't care but he does, he can't take his eyes from you. 

He takes notice of how you try to appear normal by clearing your throat and coughing loudly. He didn't like how you handled situations that you landed yourself into, you were the one who had caused so much attention to be drawn. 

You seemed so awkward. He didn't think you would be so awkward but he did understand why, the entire situation was incredibly shocking. It's not everyday that you have a one night stand with someone who is one of your closest friend's childhood best friends, clearly he never knew that at the time, he didn't know who you were. 

He tries his best to ignore the deafening silence of the group. He pushes back every thought, some that made sense, some that didn't. Some were dirty, some were negative, he was thinking so much and he just wanted to shut it off but he's not able to. All he can picture is the image of your naked body underneath his. He hates how out of control he feels. 

He has to do something, you can’t just keep staring at each other in silence forever. He slowly walks towards you and gives you a small head nod, reaching his arm out for a handshake, something that he instantly regrets but it was too late as you were eager and meeting his hand. He didn't want to touch you, he didn't want to feel. 

You’re too eager, you’re not his type, he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything with you. All that he knew was that you were Sua’a childhood best friend, that’s all you were to him, nothing else. 

He doesn’t want to shake your hand. The touch of your hand against his makes him speechless, he's lost for words. The brief skin contact has his mouth running dry, he's thirsty for more. Why is he reacting this way? Why isn’t he able to shut down every memory and recollection? He's suddenly reliving that night again, he doesn’t know if that’s a bad or good thing. He feels the same desires and pleasures, He looks into your eyes for a few moments although it felt like hours.  Your eyes were wide and lively whilst his were dark. He can see you move your mouth slowly to speak but nothing comes out. You gulp, ragged and short breath sounds leaving your mouth, your mouth parted as your teeth graze your bottom lip, your eyes glued onto his lips. He smirks, deliberately licking his lips and letting his tongue prod out.

What the fuck? What was he doing? Why was he flirting with you? He wasn’t interested. You weren’t his type. 

The smirk soon disappears when he watches Sua looking at the two of you with eagle eyes. He forces his lips to fall in a straight line and you finally move your eyes away from his own lips, trying to make it less obvious that all you wanted to do was to kiss him right now. You didn't want to make Sua suspicious or curious about anything. Somehow, she knew everything, he didn't want her to know about what had happened between you both. 

"It's nice to meet you." He wishes you weren’t here. He clears his throat, trying to restore the situation back to normalcy. He didn't want his friends to get any ideas, they were too nosy for their own good. 

Your eyes crease in a smile as you look up at him, he finds himself falling into them. "It's nice to meet you too." You say in a hushed whisper, your voice shaky and quiet, you were not able to lie and pretend that you had never met before, not as good as he was as doing it anyways.

The silence after that is loud but it's nice. He can’t deny that it doesn't make him want to tense up or become fragile, it was comforting, relaxing even. He can't remember the last time where he was in a silence which felt good, which eased his mind and soul. Normally silences were dreadful but now his deadly and intrusive thoughts weren't coming to fight him anymore. 

He doesn’t want to get to know you. He doesn’t want to introduce himself to you. "I'm Jaemin." He introduces himself. What the fuck was his problem? In all fairness, he realises that he had never shared his name with you on the night of the wedding. The night of the wedding… He isn’t thinking about it, he doesn’t want to think about it so why couldn’t he stop staring at your lips? He can't take his eyes off them, he can't stop thinking of the feeling of your lips against his. No matter how badly he may have wanted to ignore it, he couldn't fight his desires. 

Don’t tell me your name. It’s gonna ruin me. "I'm Shana." You reply immediately, your voice airy and light, it was so soft and played a lullaby in his ears. You were so pretty, even your name was pretty. He feels it, he feels happiness, something he had been deprived of for so long. He can feel a shift in the room, it feels different and fresh. 

Jaemin silently observes you as you engage in a lively conversation with Sua, the two of you talking about literal nonsense, he was sure there was no direction or solid point in what you were saying but the two of you remained so engaged in the conversation. He catches onto your mannerisms, you fiddle with your nails a lot, you clap your hands together in excitement, you always lean into the other person when you're laughing, your eyes smile before you do, you have the purest sounding giggle in the world, you always give secure and intimate eye contact. He couldn't stop observing. 

He could tell you liked attention but not in a bad way. You seem a bit overwhelmed at the response of being the center of attention but he knows that you liked it, not in a malicious way though. Everyone's eyes were glued onto you, everyone was mesmerised and fascinated, for clear reasons. Your presence was like the light at the end of the tunnel, it was like finally being able to breath fresh air after being confined in. toxic environment for entirely too long. Those were all the feelings he felt the day he met you at the wedding and he was feeling it all over again, he knew the group were feeling it alongside him, he had never seen them so calm and collected.

“So, what do you study?” You ask him some time later in the night. He’s learnt more about you, unwillingly of course. Your name was Shana, you were a Scorpio, you were one of the oldest in the class, you would be majoring in Politics, you were a nice and approachable person, you were a bit gullible and naive, you loved attention. He was observant when he wanted to be, he picked all of this up. 

But he wasn’t interested. He didn’t want to talk to you. “Photography.” His response is simple, quiet and blunt. He doesn’t make eye contact, hoping you’d catch the memo and leave him alone. 

You don’t. You stay. He wants you to leave but he also wants you to stay. Fuck, there was something wrong with him. “That explains a lot of things.” You whisper in response, a slightly sultry edge to your voice which both annoys him yet fucks with him. 

“What do you think about the college? Are the people there nice? I’ve seen so much about the campus life and also how the institution is one of the most world renowned ones in the world and I’m just so excited to start a new chapter here and I didn’t think in a million years that you would be here but i would really like to get to know you -“

Jaemin doesn’t hear the rest of your sentence, he’s stopped listening, he can’t listen, he feels overwhelmed. You spoke so much, he didn’t like people who didn’t stop talking. He widens his eyes, you definitely weren’t his type. 

Was he attracted to you? He shouldn’t be. He can’t be. 

Sua did say that you were a likeable person and that people fell for you fast. He couldn’t conform to that. But every second that passes in which he sees you interacting with the friend group, he finds himself growing weaker and weaker. Renjun actually looked present and interested for once, Shotaro was so cutely engrossed into what you were saying and doing, Jeno is smiling and he can instantly tell that you've already earned his trust and friendship, it took long for Jeno to 

There was such a sudden shift with your mere presence, not a lot of people had that power. He feels as though he's forgetting the heartbreak, as if Heejin never existed. Every time you eyes briefly lock with his, he feels dry throated and his eyes turn reminiscent. Life fills into his eyes. Truth be told, he couldn't stop thinking about you and that night. He wanted to forget it, after his heart was broken once, he swore he'd never be naive and that he'd never fall again. He promised he'd think with his head and not his heart. But he couldn't stop looking at you, all he can feel is your body pressed up against his, your lips kissing his so softly, his cum filling you up… 

You locked eyes with him once again, you and Jeno were talking about the accommodation on campus but he wasn't concentrating on what you were exactly saying because he couldn't think straight every second you shared eye contact with him. Your eyes didn't falter, neither did his. He can't look away no matter how badly he wants to, he promised himself he would never be naive again considering what had happened with Heejin but there was something about you which was so enticing, so mesmerising. He knows it’s bad, he knows every single feeling is dangerous and that he should suppress it for his own sake, normally it’s so easy for him to shield himself but the more he finds himself looking at you, the weaker he becomes. In this moment he knows that he is truly fucked. 

☆★ ☆

Jaemin was dreaming again. He was dreaming of you.

He was floating, all the weight lifted off his shoulders and all the tension releasing from his muscles, a feeling so rare yet so welcome. He allowed himself to feel as though this was a reality, as if he was existing in a place which was better than earth. He saw clouds, white and fluffy, he wanted to sleep and lay on them for the rest of his eternity. He wanted to be there with you, it wasn't a paradise if you weren't there to share it with him.

He dreamt of a paradise where he only felt happiness, he couldn't stop smiling. He could see all the things he loved so dearly. Such as his camera, something he treasures so dearly, it was his muse. He could see his friends, their laughter and joy only adding to this glorious environment.

He could see you.

All he could focus on was you. You looked utterly beautiful, you always did. Your midnight black hair cascaded down your shoulders in light waves, so fluffy and voluminous. You had honey sweet lips that tasted like rose petals, they were lilac soft. Not only did his lips move with yours but so did his heart.

You broke into a smile and he felt his heart slowly stopping. You whispered into his ear, your voice so soft and dulcet. Your words were only meant for him, something he would hold so sacred and close, he would treasure it. You made the photo complete, without you everything would fall apart. He couldn't imagine a dream without you present. It's hard not to dream, especially when he found himself sleeping so sound in your arms so regularly.

The effects of sleeping with you every night was astronomical. It had a better effect on his health and well being, more than therapy ever would. Sometimes the dreams would carry on even when he was conscious, it was hard not to dream when he was around you, even when he was awake. The happy memories and joyful emotions lingered in the room long after he woke up, he would reminisce about every happy memory with you.

The happiness felt so real but he didn't deserve it.

Ever since the night at the Caffè where Heejin rekindled relations between you both, Jaemin regularly found himself on your bed and in your arms. Sometimes you would be in his arms but most of the time you'd hold him. You wouldn't have sex. No, you haven't even kissed. You both just came to the silent agreement that you couldn't sleep without holding each other. Jaemin was thankful for this, he slept soundly every night, getting the best sleep he had gotten after months of restless and insomniac nights. So you found yourself sleeping together every night without fail. It was what you needed, you needed each other.

Right now at this very moment, his head was resting on your breasts. He wasn't sure why you were topless but he didn't mind. He was dreaming about you like he had been this past month without fail. He always thinks about you even when he's sleeping. Sleeping should be the one time where his thoughts are forced to stop yet he always finds himself thinking about you. He can't stop.

You guys are okay now. You barely spoke but you slept with each other. Jaemin knew that things would never be the way they were before, the chances were little to none. He could only be blamed for that because he was the one who had blown every chance of becoming something more with you. There was no way in hell that there was any romance left for the two of you. Your story was done.

It did make him feel a little bittersweet. He missed the good times with you, he wanted to feel that happiness once again. It killed him inside that he would never feel it with you. The thought of that would normally be enough to make him give up fully, like he once did but it isn't. It's because he's moved on, he's healed, he's found his solace. Not only was doing much better now but so were you, you were so much happier without him and that was all that mattered. Your happiness was the only thing he treasured. If another man could bring you joy then he couldn't step in the way, he couldn't be selfish.

Although he did wish he could go back in time and treasure the very last kiss he had with you. If he knew that it was the last time he'd ever feel your lips against his then he would kiss you longer, more affectionately, more earnestly. He would hold onto it with every ounce of his being.

Jaemin shakes his head, he couldn't keep dreaming forever, at some point he had to put a forceful end to these incredibly optimistic thoughts, he couldn't allow himself to fly away with them. If he kept on thinking like this then he would end up in a place that he couldn't place himself in again, it wouldn't be fair for you.

He turns his gaze to where you were. You were sleeping right beside him, you looked so peaceful and beautiful, he wondered if you were dreaming just like he was. He closes his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath and trying to compose himself, trying to force himself to do what was right but it was so hard when you were right there, so utterly breathtaking like you always were. All he wanted to do was melt into you fully.

He kisses your forehead softly, trying his hardest not to wake you. He quietly removes his body from the covers and maneuvers his way out from your room just as he had done every morning without miss.

☆★ ☆

back to shana’s pov

You rub your eyes as it adjusts to the harsh light slipping in through your curtains. You wrap the covers around you tighter, not understanding why it was suddenly so cold and uncomfortable. You reach your hand to move it beside you, sighing and crossing your head in annoyance as you realise the other side of the bed was empty, just as it had always been every other morning that you had woken up. Jaemin left you to wake up alone every single fucking day, it was driving you insane. What was his problem?

He did this every single day without fail, he would leave early in the morning and he wouldn't even say goodbye. Did he think he was accomplishing anything good? You had no idea what his thought process was, trying to figure out what the hell was happening inside of Na Jaemin's head had always been hard for you.

You tighten the strings of your dressing gown and head downstairs. The light to the kitchen was on, which meant that Jaemin was still here. You walk into the kitchen and you see him immediately, his back facing you. He was reaching into the top drawer, grabbing a breakfast bar then he was ready to go. He turns around and stops immediately when he sees you leaning against the door frame, your arms crossed and your lips falling in a straight line, you were clearly unimpressed.

You both look at one another in silence for what felt like years. No one dared to speak or to move, this situation seemed more dramatic and tense then it needed to be and you thought the urge to roll your eyes. He breaks the tension by giving you a small smile. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I always thought I was quiet -"

You shake your head, cutting him off instantly. "I wake up every single time you leave so you're not doing a good enough job at keeping quiet. You always leave me without saying anything, you don't even say goodbye. You just leave." You whisper, your words sounding more passively aggressive than you intended but you couldn't fault your emotions. Plus, he needed to understand how you felt.

Jaemin sighs, scratching his neck with his hand nervously. You sounded annoyed which he didn't understand, he thought he was doing what you wanted, what was for the best. "I thought you wouldn't wanna see me… I was just doing what I thought you wanted." He explains and he realises how lackluster and inconvincible his explanation sounded. He couldn't describe it fully, he was just doing what he felt was the suitable thing.

You look at him with narrow eyes. He was making no sense, he hadn't given you one solid point. You struggled to understand where he was coming from, Jaemin had always been confusing to you. "Why would you think that? It's not nice spending every night with someone and then waking up to find them gone." You cross your arms, eyes boring into his.

He sighs, apology written all over his face as he looks at you. The sight makes you feel weak. It almost makes you frown, almost. He intended to make things better but it backfired, all he was doing was more harm than good, he genuinely believed that distance was what you wanted. "I'm sorry -"

You shake your head. "You don't need to apologise, I don't wanna hear it. Just don't leave me again, I actually wanna see you when I wake up, I want to spend time with you. I like you."

The two of you suddenly freeze at your sudden confession. The silence was never tense around him but now it was becoming unbearable, you had to put an end to it. "I like being with you - I mean." You attempt to clarify even though you weren't convincing yourself it was the truth.

The corners of his lips rise in a small smirk. "I like being with you too." He admits.

His confession has your heart melting but you choose to conceal those emotions. "Then why do you always leave me every morning?"

Your response was definitely one that he wasn't expecting. "I genuinely thought that you'd prefer if I'd left rather than stayed." Jaemin knew that it made no sense because you both slept in the same bed but that was only because you couldn't sleep without each other. He assumed that you didn't mind that but you would mind if he stayed whilst awake, he thought you wouldn't be interested in conversing with him.

"I need you here with me when you wake up, I want you here with me."

He smiles now, it was so bright and blinding, it was a simply beautiful sight. It was a smile that was only reserved for you, only you could make him smile in that way. "I can never find out what's going on in that pretty little head of yours."

You widen your mouth, your eyes glaring into him with utter confusion. "What? Are you being serious? It's funny how you say that when you're the most closed off person ever. You shut down mentally around me and I never know what you're feeling, it's what made things so fucked between us last time."

Jaemin sighs, it was true. Everything you were saying was true and he knew it. He wondered why you still wanted to be around him even after knowing this, he questioned why you hadn't run yet.

"Are we good now?" He mumbles, wanting to change the subject as fast as possible.

You nod, shooting him a small smile which makes him sigh in relief. "We've been good since the night at the caffè. Just don't leave me again. I don't want to feel like I'm being used for sleeping now after being used for sex." You joke around but when you catch the look on his face, you instantly try and take it back. "I was just joking!! Since when have you gotten so serious? I know that you never used me for sex… It was just a joke, Jae -"

He pouts his bottom lip, having this utterly sad and unimpressed look on his face as he looks down. You try to hold back your laugh, something about this was so hilarious to you. "Just because I always say that the sex we had was good doesn't mean I used you for sex. It wasn't a funny joke -"

"OH MY GOD!!!!!" The two of you quickly go silent as you hear an exceptionally loud and dramatic voice. You recognised it immediately, nobody else could typically speak in such a high volume like Moon Sua did. She had exceptional amounts of energy even in the morning, even when she was tired… It was definitely a handful being her roommate sometimes.

You stare blankly at Sua who gives her most exasperated expression, dramatically pointing towards you and Jaemin as her other hand covers her mouth in exaggerated shock.

Minju makes her way downstairs shortly after but her reaction was nowhere near as dramatic as Sua's, she looked chill and calm. If she was shocked at the fact that Jaemin was currently standing in your kitchen, engaging in what seemed like a civil conversation with you, then she didn't seem it.

She takes one glance at the two of you, her gaze nonchalant and unbothered. Then she looks at Sua and gives her a dirty look for how loud and annoying she was being in the early morning. "Jaemin has been over every night, they've been sleeping together."

Sua widens her mouth once again. She was incredibly confused, she wondered how on earth she missed something like this. She couldn't believe that there seemed as though there was peace between the two of you, since when had the arguing and screaming stopped and why didn't she notice? She tries to think about the last time that you cried… you cried almost every day when Jaemin had ended it with you but you hadn't cried these last few weeks. The tears had stopped. You were much happier now, so was Jaemin, he didn't brood around as much and he stopped having sex with irrelevant girls to fill the emptiness in his heart.

"You're having sex?"

You groan. "No Sua -"

"The sex must be terrible because I never hear you both. It's almost like you're peacefully sleeping like babies instead of having sex."

You cough and nearly choke on the coffee you're making, it was either due to the fact that Sua thought you guys were fucking or because Jaemin had put an insane amount of expresso shots in your coffee. You threaten to pour the liquid on him if he messes with your coffee again.

"Me and Jaemin are not having sex, God no." You try to clear up Sua's confusion. You doubted if you'd be successful in doing so, it had always been difficult to try and convince her that she was wrong. She always had to be right about everything.

She narrows her eyes. "Why the fuck are you sleeping in the same bed but not fucking? You might as well go and sleep in separate beds, you're wasting perfectly good sexual opportunities." She tuts, looking at you both in disappointment.

"It's because we can't sleep alone. OKAY???" You unexpectedly outburst and raise your voice. You hated that you were in this situation, you felt awkward and judged. It wasn't helping that Jaemin was just standing there silently as you did all the talking, it wasn't like he spoke much anyway but still, it wouldn't kill him to say a word or two. Right?

You see that Sua was about to open her mouth and speak, you're about to wallow and hide because you just wanted this situation to end. Why did it seem never ending? But then the doorbell rings and Sua's attention from you quickly disappears. You don't miss the wide grin on her face as she walks happily over to the front door. "It's Jeno." She smiles so bright, opening the door for him immediately.

The second Jeno comes in his eyes meet yours and he smiles, a smile so sweet it makes your heart melt. You return a smile immediately but you're sure he won't be able to catch it as Sua is already in his arms. She hugs him so hard, you would've thought that he would act surprised by the sudden embrace but he seems used to it. He slowly wraps his own arms around her, kissing her forehead and whispering something only loud enough for her to hear. You don't know what he's saying but with the way Sua shys away and hides her face against his shoulder, you know it's something that means the world to her. Jeno was the only one who could make her feel shy, she always melted around him.

You had noticed that Sua had become exceptionally clingy to Jeno as of recently. She was always with him, they were hugging or always touching of some sort. It looked as though they were back together but every time you or Minju tried to ask Sua if that was the case, she would change the subject.

You can't hide your guilt as you see how ecstatic Sua looks. She wouldn't hold that joy if she knew what you and Jeno had done, two times… She would be utterly heartbroken. So it was a good thing that she had no idea what had happened between you and Jeno. It killed you hiding it but it was for the best. She was happy with him again, you couldn't get in the way of that. Whatever happened between you and him was strictly over.

You smile at how content she looks. She looks up at Jeno with pure love and joy in her eyes, it was as if he held the world for her. He was nodding and humming to whatever she was saying, they were truly enjoying each other's company in their own world.

"You know Jaemin and Shana are sleeping in the same bed every night but they're not having sex." You hear Sua bring it up to Jeno and you groan. You look up and notice that she and Jeno were now standing where the rest of you were.

Your eyes freeze to where their hands were connected. When you looked up, Jeno was already looking at you. The two of you stare blankly at each other for a small moment, your gazes were full of intensity. There was obvious tension between you both that you couldn't shake, you wasn't sure what type of tension it was but you simply couldn't ignore the fact that you had nearly fucked twice. No matter how badly Jeno wants to move on and forget about it.

He breaks out in a soft smile which you force yourself to return, then his eyes and attention was solely back on Sua. You were sure that no one had just noticed that brief moment shared between you both, it was too subtle in nature to take any note of it. You miss the way that Minju narrows her eyes as she glances at you and then Jeno, you were too distracted by a text you had just received.

jeno - can we talk now

jeno - it's so important

shana - are you okay?

jeno - yeah everything is good i just really need to tell you something

jeno - alone

shana - lmao good luck with that sua doesn't look she's gonna leave your side

jeno - it's the other way around

jeno - need to try and get the others to leave because i need to talk to you alone

"You coming?" Jaemin's voice catches your attention. You look up from your phone to see that he's waiting at you by the front door, holding it open as he's expecting you to walk over to college with him.

You purse your lips, it was physically straining to turn him down. "I'll catch up, go with Sua and Minju." You smile, hoping he doesn't ask further questions. He mutters a small okay in agreement, giving you one last smile before leaving.

Just as Jaemin leaves your vision of sight, you see that Jeno has just managed to convince Sua to go. Before she leaves, she turns around and eyes the two of you with skepticality. "We're just gonna work on an assignment, Professor Kwon made us pairs." You lie and it causes Jeno to shake his head subtly at you, his way of telling you that lying to her was unnecessary. You hold back rolling your eyes. This was the same person who had coincidentally hid the truth of what had happened between you and him to Sua. She was oblivious, she was oblivious to it all.

Sua nods at you, whispering one last thing quietly to Jeno before she catches up to speed with Jaemin and Minju. You tilt your head to the left, observing Jeno for a second. He looked starstruck, his cheeks were still red and he was stretching them wide in response to what Sua had just said to him. He was grinning so much. He looked so happy, they both did.

"Are you guys back together?" You curiously question, hoping that he'd give you an actual response. Whenever you asked Sua, she would just weirdly turn shy and avoid the question at all costs, she would babble on and on. She would never provide an actual answer.

He shakes his head. So they weren't back together. Why were they acting so in love then?

"You know, she was there that night." He informs you as he walks closer to where you were standing. You quickly pause drinking your cup of milk, gulping as you couldn't believe what words had just left his mouth. You knew what he was referring to immediately. When you see the instant relaxation in his expression and the way he loosens tension, you realise that he's wanted to tell you this for so long. You had an idea he had been keeping it a secret for a long time, possibly since the night you had shared with him.

Well… nearly shared with him.

"She was there?" You question him again, wanting confirmation even though you knew the truth. He nods in response. "She was there but she didn't see anything?" You couldn't believe how that was possible, it made no actual sense.

He nods his head. "She didn't see us. We were downstairs and she was already in my room, she was waiting for me to come up. She never knew you were there with me." Jeno explains and you widen your eyes. You couldn't imagine the jumpscare he would've gotten when he went upstairs to see her in his room. Or the fear of not knowing whether she had seen you and him or not.

"She does that a lot." Jeno scratches his neck, smiling, he was probably thinking about her again. He explains how she comes into his room uninvited but it doesn't bother him. She always waits for him. She only comes when she needs him, when she's upset about something.

"I'm used to her waiting in my room, waiting for me to come. Sometimes she's on my bed and crying into my pillow, sometimes she breaks the second I come up to her. I'm the only person she's ever cried to and when things are too much for her, she knows that I'll always be there for her. Even after we broke up, she still comes to me. I'm still the only person she's ever cried to."

You had never seen Sua cry, you had managed to convince yourself that she wasn't someone capable of crying. You had no idea she was so open and vulnerable around him "She really wants to keep it that way, doesn't she?" You mutter in response, realising she was only comfortable unravelling and showing her true emotions around him. Suddenly her random and unexplained absences made sense. She would be crying in Jeno's arms, he'd comfort her, he'd hold her all night, you were sure that affectionate whispers and touches were shared between the pair.

"... and you're not back together?"

"No."

The confused yet utterly judgeful look you give him has him sighing, he felt incredibly misunderstood. What he had with Sua was purely platonic, especially on his side. "Look, I don't expect anyone to understand us. We just have a huge emotional dependence on each other. We protect each other. I still love her, I'll always love her but not in a romantic way. Not anymore."

You hum, seeing the intense emotion and weight in his eyes. You probably would never understand the connection between the two of them or even the full scale of it but you could appreciate that they meant a lot to one another. It was a connection that was probably too solidified and strong for you to understand. You weren't capable of forming bonds like that.

When you sense that he wants to change the subject, you do just that. "Why was she even crying to you that night? Why was she there?" It was a rather unlucky coincidence that the very night she was suffering and in need of Jeno, was also the night you and him nearly had sex.

He stares at you blankly, in disbelief even. You return the same look, not knowing what it meant. "Are you seriously asking? She was upset because of you, the argument you had where you brought up what happened between her and Karina."

You suddenly widen your eyes, letting out a noise of realisation. You completely forgot about that argument, you both reconciled the day after. It seemed like such an irrelevant topic now considering that you had both made up, Sua had claimed you didn't need to apologise and she seemed as though she had moved on so you thought it was only fit to do the same. You didn't realise that it was actually a thing, you never knew she was so deeply hurt by it. How could you know? She never showed any sadness. You assumed that the reason why it never turned into full flushed conflict was probably because she had Jeno that night to comfort and console her.

"I can't believe you mentioned Karina to her -" He pauses briefly, anger evident in his eyes. He wasn't looking at you but you knew it was directed at you. You sighed and sunk your shoulders in admittance of defeat. You were a truly horrible person. You caused Sua to break in Jeno's arms.

"Anyways -" It's clear he wants to cut the topic and change the route of the conversation quickly. Thinking about Sua in pain killed him inside. Her swollen and red eyes from crying, the way she gripped onto him so tightly, whispering in a broken voice for him to never leave or go. It broke him. Thinking about what you had said made him furious, he would rather get his mind off of it.

"That's not why I wanted to speak with you, I still have something important to say." He whispers quietly, he leans forward and plays with the sleeves of your cardigan, as if it was the most normal thing ever. You don't take much of a reaction to it, you just assume he was nervous.

You nod immediately, smiling sweetly to him despite the tightness you felt in your chest. "Tell me."

He takes a deep breath, nodding slowly and mentally preparing himself to say this. "You can't judge me for saying this, you can't react the way I think you're gonna react, you can't hit me -"

"Why would I hit you?"

"I'm about to say something that sounds absolutely crazy but you just have to bear with me. You have to listen carefully -"

"Can you just fucking say it?" You huff, sometimes Jeno spoke entirely too much. Whenever he was stressed he couldn't get a single point across, he would just circle around it. It was different to the usual blunt and straightforward person that he was.

"We have to keep it a secret." He speaks entirely too fast, all of his words blend into one word and you would've missed it if you weren't listening to him like a hawk.

You hum, your silence only makes him ramble more. "I don't think we should tell anyone, this has to stay between us."

Your eyes light up in realisation, you finally catch on to what he's referring to. You try to hold your laugh, not being able to believe that he was finally speaking about it with you. You couldn't believe that he was finally able to acknowledge that it had happened. He had acted as if you hadn't nearly had sex, two times. As if that wasn't real.

"I can't believe that she has no clue." You mumble, realising how lucky you truly were. You nearly fucked your best friends boyfriend twice as she had no idea, she was oblivious to it all. She was in the same house but still didn't know. You couldn't believe the chances, God was clearly with you on that day.

Jeno agrees. "We need to keep it that way." He attempts to convince you. Hypothetically, if she knew then she would fucking break and he would break simultaneously. She'd probably want nothing to do with him. He feared that she wouldn't have anyone to express herself too. She would cry alone, she would bottle everything up and he wouldn't be able to hold her. That was why she could never know, you guys had to keep it a secret.

"She has no idea what we did and she can never know." He says with a serious tone. He was clearly feeling nervous due to the fact that you had barely spoken, he wasn't sure if you were agreeing or completely disregarding what he was saying. Your silence was fucking killing him.

"If she found out then she'd probably try and kill me but she'd actually fucking kill you." Jeno now resorts to telling the absolute harsh truth in attempts to convince you. He hoped the brutality of what she would realistically do would convince you that he was right and that it needed to be a secret.

When you make a noise of agreement, he finally loosens, the tense muscles building in his body loosely dissolved. "Jaemin will probably be upset too." You mumble, the thought of him knowing was largely convincing you to keep it a secret. Things have actually been decent between the two of you, the thought of him being further hurt and disappointed by you made you incredibly heartbroken. You were growing sick of the hate and the arguing.

Jeno seems so glad that you brought up that point, he's happy you're considering his proposal of keeping it between you both. "Exactly, we can fuck up so much for Jaemin and Sua if they knew." He whispers and coincidentally, those were the people closest to you. You wouldn't be able to live if they both hated you, especially at the same time. Life would be unbearable without your favorite people. So many people hated you at the moment, was it selfish that you didn't want to let go of the two people you couldn't risk losing?

"Promise me." He whispers in a heavy tone, holding up his pinky and looking directly at you with soft eyes. He has such hope in his eyes and it was killing you, you knew how badly he wanted you to agree.

"I promise." You attach your pinky to his properly and he grins. He was clearly ecstatic that you knew where he was coming from, that you weren't questioning him and that you understood him. It was for the better. Forgetting about it would do everyone a favour.

"We should forget about it too." He whispers, looking directly in your eyes. The eye contact was so strong and you couldn't break it, you couldn't avert your gaze, there was something so captivating and hooking that kept your focus on him. There was obvious tension between you both.

"We was drunk, I was pissed at Jaemin, you missed him and the sex. You liked the idea of the sex, not me." He tries to list reasons as to why you should both just move on and forget about it. His voice was low, heavy and muffled, as if it was strenuous for him to say something like this. He breathes heavily, the hotness and intensity fanning down on your face.

"It's for the best." You mutter in agreement. He hums. You leave it like that.

You couldn't allow yourself to believe in all of the excuses he had made, they were rubbish and pathetic. You both nearly had sex because you had this overwhelming and staggering need to fuck him. It was all pleasure and lust. That was the only reason, you could never know how he felt but that was what you felt. There was no way he would convince you that you only did it because you were 'drunk' and 'in pain.' No, you did it because you wanted to fuck Lee Jeno so bad. You weren't sure if you had the same desire now but you definitely did the night at the party, there was no point trying to hide away from that or make lame excuses.

However, it seemed as though all he wanted to do was hide away from the truth so you decided to ignore the unspoken words between you both.

"I feel regretful… and selfish." He gulps, you nod at his sudden confession, a silent plea for him to continue. "As I held her that night, all I felt was guilt. I realised what a terrible person I was. I stopped us from having sex because I said that I 'couldn't do this to Jaemin' but I never thought about Sua, not even once. I know that we'll never get back together but she would still break if I slept with her best friend but I - I - she never crossed my mind once."

He goes deadly silent, looking out of the window with a faint trace of sadness on his face. His gaze looked distant, as if he wasn't truly here. He looked as though he was holding himself together so he wouldn't break. You sigh, leaning forward and wrapping your arms around him. He immediately relaxes in your arms, instantly latching onto you and gripping your shirt tightly, as if you would slip from his arms in any given second.

"I don't deserve to feel this way about this." He whispers in the most faint and fragile voice.

You hum in response, you knew where he was coming from. You knew that he felt incredible amounts of regret for what he had done, you knew he'd do anything to take it back. "You can't fault yourself for feeling bad. You regret it, you feel guilty. You love Sua and you're mad at yourself for hurting her and going behind her back." You try to reassure him, making him understand that there was a reason for his emotions.

You move the hair from his forehead, your soft hands playing with his hair in hopes to make him relax. You could feel how tense and rigid he was in your arms, you hated the idea of him feeling like this. "I feel regretful and selfish too." You whisper against him, trying to make a point that he wasn't alone in feeling this way.

"At least you have a guilty conscience, I don't and it's actually quite dangerous and scary. Looking back, I realise I just craved attention. I used to have sex with Jaemin every day and when that stopped, I just went crazy. I was so sex deprived to the point where I would have no problem putting my friendships in compromise just because I was desperate to have sex, to feel craved and desired. I lost all accounts of a moral code, I was so irrational. I truly didn't think of Yangyang when I had sex with Donghyuck nor did I think of Sua when when we nearly fucked."

What you had said was a lot for Jeno to take in, he stays silent and looks at you through shocked eyes, he didn't recognise you and it scared him. "I feel so much better after hearing you admit that and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing." He mumbles, suddenly feeling less bad for what he had done to Sua. At least he felt guilty for it, you didn't even feel that.

You let out a nervous laugh, not being able to give him a full response yet as you take into account what you've just admitted. Your eyes completely freeze. The terrifying thing was that it wasn't particularly hard to admit, perhaps that was evidence that acting irrationally was just human nature for you. You were an incredibly fucked up and horrible person, your mind was twisted. You feared you had hit an all time rock bottom and that there was absolutely nothing you could say or do to make amends.

What was the most chilling was that you didn't feel bad, you didn't feel remorse for your actions, you just accepted your fate and the truth. You had become incredibly hopeless, you knew Yangyang would probably never speak to you again and you knew there was nothing you could do to change that. Deep inside there was a chance that a part of you would break down at the thought of that but all you felt was numbness, you felt absolutely nothing when thinking about a life without him as your friend. You couldn't change or fix anything so what was the point trying? It was so much easier to accept the punishment. You were permanently damaged, you would do everyone a favour by just leaving him alone.

He calls your name softly, finally releasing himself from the hug but his hands stay gripping onto yours, playing with your finger softly in hopes to ease his tensions. You nod to him in response, giving him assurance about whatever he wanted to tell you.

"You're completely unrecognizable and it's scaring me… the Shana that I know wouldn't be so complacent and content with hurting people so recklessly." He says in a soft and calm voice, it was his way of making it clear to you that he wasn't trying to make you feel bad, you couldn't find yourself to be mad at him when he was so carefully thoughtful.

You let out a laugh yet it didn't feel full or rounded, it was stuck in your throat. "Maybe you don't know me." You mumble under your breath, those words sounding darker than you ever would've imagined them to be. You didn't want him to have such high hopes in you. You would just let him down, you were used to letting people down after they expected so much kindness and maturity from you.

"Don't say that…"

You can't help but shrug, you didn't have much to say. He speaks in light of your silence. "I know the girl who changed Jaem's. He was so happy on the day that he met you, it was the first time I saw him smile in months. You're still that person so stop saying that I don't know you because I do and you're truly the best person I've ever -"

"Why did you and Sua break up?" You blurt out, you had this desperation inside, all that you wanted was to change the subject. If he carried on speaking the way he did then you was sure you'd burst down and melt right in front of him, you wanted to save your tears for another day.

He sighs, shaking his head and looking at you with narrow eyes. "Fine but we're not done speaking about this."

You sigh in relief, so glad for the fact that he wasn't questioning you, he just understood you, he knew that you didn't wanna speak about it anymore. It was mentally straining.

Moments pass in silence until he speaks up, making it clear that he hadn't forgotten to answer your question. "We broke up ages ago." He narrows his eyes in confusion, not understanding why you were asking him now.

"I know but I never even noticed, she told me I was a bad friend for not realizing." You sigh, feeling so stupid and guilty for not knowing that your best friend had gone through a breakup. That would always weigh down on you, how could you be so oblivious?

He sighs. "She told me that too, that you were a bad friend for never noticing. But I wouldn't dwell too much on that, she literally told nobody, she acted as if nothing major had changed. She was crying every night because of the break up but acted as if everything was okay when the sun came up, she's just someone who can never ask for help."

You want to sink under water at his description of her pain. You felt a sudden urge to hug her, to tell her that everything would be okay and that you would always notice from now on. "She was crying every night? Was the breakup messy then?"

Jeno thinks about it for a while before coming to an ultimate conclusion. He shakes his head. "It was mutual, we both felt like there was no spark and that the relationship wasn't enriching anymore, just dragging us both down. The romance was dead, at least on my side."

"But you guys still act like you're in love? That entire scene this morning?"

He takes a deep breath, he was sure that no one would ever be able to understand Sua and him. It was understandable, they were complex, they had a lot of layers that wouldn't just dissolve away, even in light of a break up. "I'll always love her, just not in the way I used to. I always wanna protect her and look out for her, you know? If anyone does so much as hurt her I'm gonna kill them. I feel like we're a lot closer now that there's no pressure of a relationship on us, that was what was bringing us down, we can now just love each other unconditionally without worrying about meeting standards and expectations. It's very uplifting."

"So do you guys still fuck?"

Jeno stares at you blankly, his gaze so serious it almost scares you but you knew he wasn't being serious. His anger was something that you would be able to feel. "Did you really just listen to nothing that I said???"

You smirk, however it suddenly disappears at his next words. "It's exactly like whatever the hell is happening between you and Jae, or what happened between you guys, especially from his side."

You give him a deadpan expression, not understanding why he was trying to relate your experience to his. "It's nothing like that. We were never boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Exactly, as soon as you wanted to put a label on it, he got scared and ended it." He mumbles. You're clearly not impressed and he can see that, he rubs your hand softly, hoping you're not mad at him for bringing up what was a terrible and painful memory.

"So it's my fault now?" You question with narrowed eyes, genuinely not being able to understand his point or what he was even trying to say.

He shakes his head immediately. "Definitely not, that's not what I meant. I meant that labels fuck everything up, they make things so real, they create expectations that can become so mentally draining to meet. It's a painful wake up call, it's so easy to run than to face the reality that's brought with applying labels." He tries to explain, hoping that you'd understand but he doubted it. You weren't like Jaemin, labels bring you clarity while it makes him want to run.

In some ways, his relationship with Sua was like that too. Their natural dynamic and closeness had been ruined due to the fact that they felt obligated and pressured to meet the expectations set by being in an official relationship. Things felt forced, unnatural. Their love had become limited with the label.

"I don't wanna talk about Jaemin or why he ended it. We're late for college." You bluntly say, not meeting his eyes as you grab your bag, beginning to walk towards the door. You hold it open for him, watching at he sighs and follows you and stays silent, doing exactly what you had said.

☆★ ☆

"What the fuck is your problem?" Jeno questions in a chilling way, his voice quiet yet impactful. The heaviness of it instantly made you grab his shoulder softly, your other hand coming to his elbow, rubbing it softly as you try to relax his body language. He was stiff, tense, it was sure to earn attention which you both really didn't need.

"It's not worth it." You whisper to him softly, giving Hyejoo one last glance before Jeno finally turns his gaze away from her. "She hates me. A day doesn't go by where she isn't giving me dirty looks, intimidating me or just making me feel like shit." You explain to him. It had been just mere minutes since you and Jeno had walked into the campus and much to your surprise, the first encounter was Hyejoo, who looked you up and down with a cruel smirk and a wash of judgement in her gaze. She never hid the fact that she couldn't stand you.

"It's probably because she's Heejin's little crony, she has a creepy obsession with her, she'll do anything to make her happy. I've never seen someone so far up someone else's arse in my life. Plus, you're so much prettier and nicer than she'll ever be." His voice is monotone and has a slight edge to it, he was still angry. You smile to him in gratitude, his way of comforting you made you feel good in ways you wouldn't understand, you loved how it was so unique to Jeno. He softened your heart.

"I appreciate you so -"

You immediately go silent and his face falls when you notice who's in front of you. Yangyang is looking straight at you. You feel physically sick. This is the first time you had made eye contact with him in weeks, he had been avoiding you, he always pretended as though you didn't exist. What was causing him to stare at you now? It made you feel terrified to your veins, you had just accepted the fate that your stupid actions had caused you to loose one of the best people in your life. It was a punishment you deserved to face but it was hard to accept that fate the second you start to look in his eyes. It makes you remember him, the memories, the happiness, his good friendship. It makes you miss him. It makes you selfish, you didn't deserve to miss him, to think about him, to long for him. Suddenly, you're finding it difficult to breathe.

You find your breath the second you feel a soft touch brush against your palm, you look down to where Jeno's fingers connected with yours, it was barely a connection, his thumb was briefly brushing the tip of your pinky but his touch was powerful nonetheless, it felt more natural than your own heart beating in your chest. Even though everything wasn't okay and even though you were a terrible person, Jeno makes you feel as though everything would fall into place, as if you were a good person. You knew he saw you as one.

He steps away, slowly realising his warmth from yours. He smiles softly at you. "It'll be okay, he obviously wants to talk." He whispers only loud enough for you to hear.

He sees fear in your eyes and instantly softens his gaze. "Just say sorry." He mumbles as if it's so easy. He knew what you had done to Yangyang yet still saw you as a good person, your image in Jeno's eyes completely blew your mind. What was wrong with him? A sane person would run.

“That’s gonna fix nothing…” You whisper slowly to him, gulping as you see him give you one of the softest smiles ever. You didn’t deserve this, you didn’t deserve someone as good as him.

He sighs. “Have you even tried? Effort goes a long way, you know.” Jeno believes that sometimes all you needed to fix something was a heartfelt apology. A real apology, genuine and real, not full of bullshit but speaking from the heart. Although he couldn’t bear to remain angry or pissed at you for some reason that was beyond him, he couldn’t hide his disappointment at how impulsively and recklessly you had acted. It wasn’t like you, he knew that you knew better, he thought that you were good with words. He knew you were, there had been so many times where your words had made him speechless and made his heart beat, it only made him crazier for you.

“I don’t think he ever wants to hear from me.” You mumble back moments after, biting your lip and pouting when he says that you haven’t even tried and that you were being lazy.

“Stop giving me that pout and those puppy eyes.” Jeno smirks, flicking you on the forehead with his fingernail, you wince, retaliating by lightly shoving his shoulder with your palm. “They don’t work on me.” He whispers, his voice sounding less amused now, he spoke in this heavy and low tone. They did, they definitely did work on him.

A weird silence overtakes you both, there was clearly tension, you felt as though it was the perfect time to speak on what was on your mind. "Why are you acting like nothing happened between us?" You question to Jeno, his behavior since that night confusing you endlessly. "I hear that you have sex with any living thing, why not me?"

He shakes his head, looking at you with disbelief. "Are you even hearing yourself right now?" In all fairness, he hasn't ignored it, he's acknowledged it. Your only problem was that he believed it was nothing, that your actions could be excused. You were currently waiting for excuses from him.

You know. You sounded absolutely crazy.

He traps you against the wall. "We were drunk. I was pissed at Jaemin. You were hurt. I was just a distraction. You wanted to forget about the heartbreak. You missed him. You missed sex with him. You only saw me as sex and pleasure. nothing more." He's running out of patience now, wondering what on earth would successfully convince you. Anger visibly seethes up inside his veins. He tries to speak slowly and calmly despite the utter patience he was losing with you.

"Got it?" He asks in an almost intimidating way. He breathes heavily, the hotness and intensity fanning down on your face.

You laugh in his face.

A cough makes you quickly lock your eyes away from him, the two of you staring quietly at Yangyang who was still there and clearly wanted your attention. You cough back, not believing that you had just been in your own little world with Jeno seconds ago. The two of you quickly back away from each other.

Yangyang hums quietly to himself. He always knew that you and Jeno were close, he knew how much of a soft spot Jeno had for you, he adored you. He had just never realised when it had turned so intimate and platonic between the two of you.

“Can we talk?” Yangyang looks directly at you, his voice low and quiet as his eye contact remained solely on you, an indicator for Jeno that now was his time to leave. You gulp, feeling so utterly nervous, you felt as though you were about to throw up, you felt an intense hate for yourself at this moment. The only thing that was keeping you sane was knowing that Jeno was with you. It was crazy how your last interaction hadn't made things tense or awkward.

You look up at him, his eyes soft as he smiles sweetly at you. "Be a good person, just be yourself." He whispers one last piece of advice before leaving you to Yangyang. He didn’t want to leave, he hated leaving you by yourself when you were clearly not in the right mindset but he knew this conversation with Yangyang was something that needed to happen.

You let his words reply in your head. Which one? You think to yourself. Be yourself or be a good person?

“Shana.” He calls out to you the second Jeno is out of sight, you can see him embracing Sua in the corner of your eye. You hold your breath, the sound of Yangyang calling you out making you completely stuck in a trance and lost for words.

You look at him, your eyes nearly falling out when you catch onto his demeanour. He was looking at you with this bright grin and a beam in his eyes. The sight was beautiful, his smile had always been pretty. Perhaps it was prettier because you hadn't seen it in so long, you can't remember the last time you saw him smile, it was a long time ago. He had been miserable ever since he found out what you did.

You weren’t quite sure if the smile was directed at you but when you realise he’s looking deeply into your eyes and nobody else’s, you know that it is. You’re utterly confused, the last time you spoke to him was when you broke his heart.

“I need to talk to you." He says in such a bright voice, grinning as he doesn't even wait for your response. He's quickly grabbing ahold of your arm and dragging you to a more secluded area of the lockers. You nod at him, in slight perplex and shock. You realise that he beat you to it, you couldn't even call his name and tell him that you needed to talk to him.

He had said something else but you couldn't quite focus on it. As bad as it sounded, you weren't listening to him but rather the way he sounded. He sounded so happy, his voice was animated, bright and chirpy. He was always a relatively positive person but you could feel it more so now. He was radiating sunshines, his happiness was infectious. You can't help but smile, he was so deserving of feeling this way. You didn't know anyone else who deserved it more than he did.

Being around him felt weird, it felt so nostalgic and you were surging with deja vu. It felt like being around a stranger who was once your closest friend. You missed him so much, hearing his voice and seeing his face made you feel overwhelmed. You knew why you were feeling this way, it was because you hadn't spoken to him or seen him in so long.

That was all of your fault.

His voice brings back every single happy memory you shared with him. You had shared so much hope and joy with him, he had done the same with you. Sadly, you were the reason to blame for that to come crumbling down, you shattered the trust he had confided in you with when you slept with Donghyuck. He was a good friend and you fucked it, that was why you were determined to get him back. In this moment you realised how much you missed and needed him, you couldn't cope without him.

"Shana! Stop dreaming and listen for once." He snaps, clicking his hands in front of your face. You shake your head. You apologised for zoning out and promised him that he had your full attention now.

He smiles again, a smile that was so utterly beautiful. "I need to tell you something… something that's important." He whispers in a sweet voice. You can't hide your shock, he was speaking to you as if it was old times, as if your relationship hadn't been destroyed.

You shake away all these thoughts as you realise that hearing what he had to say was more important. You nod with a smile. "Tell me." You look into his eyes and feel a sweet feeling. He holds so many happy memories. All you can feel was joy from every time you had spent with him, he was the most supportive, understanding and kindest friend ever.

He clasps his hands together with a beam. "Guess what." He whispers in a quiet voice. Something told you that he wanted to keep whatever this was a secret. You respected that, it was beyond you how he still trusted you.

"What?" You question with curiosity, not being able to handle the suspense.

He releases a happy sound. "Guess who I fucked."

Your mouth opens wide as memories from a few nights back finally come in. You remember the party, you remember walking out hand in hand with Jeno and seeing Yangyang kiss Donghyuck. Could it be? Was he speaking about him?

You felt a surge of excitement build up inside of you at the possibility of your theories being true. He had been waiting to have sex with him for his entire life. "Hyuck?" You question.

Your theories are fully confirmed when Yangyang nods with a beam. "I had sex with Donghyuck." He finally admits, giggling due to how giddy and happy he felt. He could finally breathe, he was relaxed due to sharing it. He needed to share this happiness with someone, anyone. He couldn't contain all this joy inside.

Sadly, the only person he could share it with was you. You were the only one he had come out to. Despite what you had done to him, his first response was to come to you and to share the good news and that sucked ass because you had fucked him over.

But he didn't care about that anymore. He would be putting that behind him, it was irrelevant and didn't matter because he still ended up happy with the man he loved by the end of everything. Any arguments, drama or conflict was unnecessary to him. All that mattered now was that he finally got the boy of his dreams, his greatest wish had come true.

It felt too good to be real.

You huff in pure shock. "You had sex with him?" You question. He nods in response, moving his head up and down in such a giddy way. "I'm so fucking happy for you!!" You squeal in pure excitement. You weren't sure whether to hug him or not, you decided against it because you didn't want to make him uncomfortable. But you wanted him to know how thrilled and delighted you were for him, you could only do that by mere words and facial expressions.

Your jaw almost drops when he opens his arms and pulls you in for a hug. Clearly he had to share this happiness with you. You hug him back tightly, relishing in the comfort and realising how at ease his presence made you feel. You missed this, you missed him. You didn't feel deserving of hugging him but you couldn't pull back no matter how guilty you felt, instead you hugged him tighter.

It confused you, you thought he was mad at you? Perhaps he was so thrilled about having sex with Donghyuck that he had forgetton what you had done, or maybe he chose to ignore it for the time being to focus on his happiness.

He pulls back from the hug and there's pure delight in his expression. "I need to tell you everything about it." He decides and you nod in response, letting him know that you would always be here to listen. "It was the best thing in the world, it's all I've dreamed of." He says in a light and airy tone. You could see galaxies deep in his eyes.

"I love my life." He says out loud and proud. You smile, this clearly meant the absolute world to him. It was enlightening how happy this made him. "I've wanted to kiss him my entire life. Being held by him, touching him, making him come, making love to him… it was the best I've ever felt. He makes me feel better than anyone's ever made me."

"I'm genuinely so fucking happy for you." You try to express how ecstatic you are. He had been waiting for this his entire life, it's all he's ever wanted and now his wishes were coming true. You remember how upset he was the day of Lucas' party, you had found him on the couch, so hopeless and upset because he had seen Hyuck kissing other girls. He had been dying inside with jealousy and hurt his entire life, he always wished to be in the place of all the girls Hyuck used to fuck around with and now he was. Donghyuck had finally chosen him.

It was beautiful to see the transition from a hopeless Yangyang who believed that the man he loved would never love him back, to an ecstatic Yangyang who had finally gotten the one he had wanted and needed for his entire life.

Despite this happiness you were feeling, you also felt a weird sensation deep in the pit of your stomach that you couldn't quite pinpoint or explain. You chose to ignore and suppress the feeling, you don't have the right to feel it. You don't have the right to be skeptical about anything that Yangyang was telling you, the least you could do was show support for him. It would be selfish to question anything.

But there was one thing you couldn't help but question, only one thing. "Aren't you - You're not angry at me?" You ask with a small voice, you were scared to hear the response for whatever reason.

He laughs hysterically and it makes you worried, until he speaks. "Fuck, no." He says so surely and you knew he wasn't lying. "I'm too happy to stay mad at you, even though you fucked up big time and you know that but I don't hold grudges. I guess you could say that I'm the better person."

You look at him with so much confusion in your eyes. This didn't feel right, you didn't feel deserving of this. You couldn't believe that he had seen to forgive you even though you hadn't even apologised, you didn't even try to. You weren't deserving of his forgiveness, especially because you got it so easily. It didn't feel hard and that was what confused you the most.

He probably catches on your expression and shakes his head, a call for you to stop stressing. "I'm being serious. I'm not mad anymore. We had sex so nothing else matters, like staying angry at you. So I forgive you, you're welcome."

You couldn't believe the words that were falling from his mouth. He was one of a kind. This didn't feel real, you couldn't believe you were actually here speaking to him, you couldn't comprehend that you guys were okay again. You place your hand on your heart, your eyes bulge from the sockets when you feel that they're still beating. This was real, it wasn't a figment of your imagination. He was right here and he was speaking to you.

But why? It didn't make sense for him to be on good terms with you. You look up at him with apologetic eyes. "I know you said that you forgive me but I still just wanna make a start and just say sorry, I know it's not enough but I'm gonna make everything up to you and -"

He cuts you off, shaking his head which causes you to stop speaking immediately. "I don't want to, or need to hear it." He mutters nonchalantly. You nod, deciding to shut up and to follow his wishes.

Suddenly his face lights up and you get whiplash from his change of emotions. That meant he was only thinking about one thing, he was thinking of him. Only Donghyuck could make him smile like that. "But I do want you to hear what happened with Hyuck!!"

His eyes beam with excitement and you could tell he was thinking of the night he had spent with him. "His dick is the most beautiful thing I've ever felt in the world, it filled me up so beautifully. I can finally die in peace knowing that I've felt his lips against mine."

You grin and nod at everything he was saying. Although it was slightly personal and perhaps a bit too much information, you couldn't complain, you would never. You didn't have the right to shut him down in that way.

"I'm glad everything worked out for you." You smile. You remember how upset he became when he had discovered that you slept with Hyuck. He wasn't himself, he wasn't the positive and energetic Yangyang that everyone knew him as and you hated that your actions caused that.

He nods. "Maybe you being a cold bitch to him after you fucked him was a good thing!" He randomly exclaims. You try to suppress the offense you felt due to being called a 'cold bitch.' You deserved that.

"Maybe he realised that he didn't like girls or something. So thank you! Everything worked out in the end." You smile at the fact that he was no longer angry at him, you felt a huge burden and pressure released from your shoulders. This was a good start.

This was shocking to you. Everything felt so anti-climatic, this didn't seem hard at all. You had reconciled without any heavy drama… well you thought you had.

Although he didn't want you to say sorry, you would still find a way to make it up to him regardless because you hated how wrong you did him. If you could go back in time and you had the opportunity to change one thing, you would prevent yourself from sleeping with Donghyuck.

Yangyang speaks up and it cuts you from your thoughts. "I mean I should be angry at you. You literally lied straight to my face about so many things." He laughs despite there being nothing funny. You feel terrible when you think of every second you lied straight to his face. Such as when you were walking home with him and you let him trash the girl Donghyuck had slept with, without informing him that the girl was actually you.

"Chill. I don't care anymore." He mutters nonchalantly, catching on your terrified expression and shaking his head. You let out a heavy breath, not being able to believe how forgiving he truly was.

"Why do you look so sad?" He questions, instantly changing the subject. He tilts his head to the left and observes you for a good moment before speaking again. "Haven't you and Jaemin made up? Girl… just buy him a new camera and suck his dick, you'll be fine in no time."

He smirks as he catches onto how oddly quiet you’re being. “Do you like Jeno now? I keep on seeing you guys together, always giggling and smiling, I swear you guys were holding hands and left that party together. It looks really intimate between you both. You’d both look hot together. I mean… it would be a bit awkward going for Jaemin’s best friend but you already hit an all time low of making bad and irrational decisions so it wouldn’t even be shocking if you went for him and broke poor Jaemin’a fragile little heart -”

You shake your head at him frantically, entering a fit of coughs as you struggle to believe what you’re hearing. You widen your eyes at how out of place and random his words were, he was also completely wrong.

“There is nothing romantic between me and Jeno, we’re just really close and good friends, that’s all there is to it. Also, what does this have to do with anything?” You can’t help but question the sudden observation from him.

He chuckles. “If you say so, I think you’ll have to tell Jeno that.”

His words make you narrow your eyes, a silence overcomes you and you find yourself utterly confused. What the hell did he mean by that? “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” You mumble, you did. You could read behind the lines. You just didn’t understand why he was coming to this observation.

“We don’t like each other.” You say with clarity and suddenly the memories from the night where you shared so many passionate kisses and nearly had sex flash in your head and you’re unable to stop reliving that night, the feelings, the buzz, it was all impeccable. Who knew Jeno could make you feel this way?

… Did you have a crush on Jeno?

☆★ ☆

You and Yangyang decide to walk to Politics class, the two of you conversing about everything and nothing, the spark between you both was so bright and pure, it was as if the last few months hadn’t happened. You missed him, you missed him so much and you hadn’t quite realised how much until you heard his laugh and saw his smile. You were beyond glad that you were on good terms again, even if the entire “making up” situation felt undeserving on your end and rather anti-climatic, you had to push those thoughts away and be grateful.

You lock eyes with Sua the second you walk in, who notices you and Yangyang walking side to side and her eyes almost fall out. You were both engaged in a somewhat peaceful looking conversation, it seemed as if there was no more bad blood between you two, as if there was only mutual understanding and good relations. She couldn’t believe it, since when had you made up with him?

You walk over to her, glad that she doesn’t comment on the fact that you and Yangyang had made up, obviously that wouldn’t be an issue but you didn’t want to dwell on negative memories.

“We’re getting our exams back today.” Sua informs you as you take a seat next to her. She fiddled with her nails and stared into blank space, clearly not bothered about her results. She didn’t need to be worried, she was an absolute genius academically without trying.

“Oh. Fuck my life.” Yangyang mutters under his breath, widening his eyes as he remembers where his head was when he sat the exam. He sat it the day after he found out about you and Donghyuck. It was safe to say he wouldn’t perform well in this exam.

You breath in anticipation as you watch Mr. Suh hand out all of the exams, the look on his face before he placed the papers down made you feel even more anxious than you ever thought you could possibly feel.

“Don’t worry too much.” Mr. Suh consoles Chuu who looks as if she’s on the verge of tears as she stares, wide eyed at the test score written at the front of her paper. “You didn’t get the lowest in the class, some fool got 18%.”

Yangyang laughs. “Even though I was going through a major depressive stage when taking that exam…” you don’t miss the way he side eyes you “- I don’t think I’m capable of getting that low so I’m not too stressed - OH MY FUCK.” He cuts himself to dramatically shout, none of the other classmates were fazed as this type of behaviour was typical and expected of him.

Mr. Suh subtly shakes his head as he places the exam paper in front of him on the desk. You widen your eyes and grit your teeth as you catch sight of the big “18%” and “failed” written in bold, red marker. “Way to rub it in my face.” Yangyang mumbles under his breath, narrowing his eyes at the teacher who walks away without another word. You knew he tries to laugh it off and act as if nothing bad had happened but you can’t dismiss the pure dissatisfaction and sadness that you see in his eyes.

When Mr. Suh places your paper down, you try to stop a huge grin from forming on your faces. You sigh in relief when you see that you had gotten a high grade, you try your best not to react to it because you didn’t want it to look like you were rubbing it in Yangyang’s face.

“You need to keep these grades up if you still want a chance to stay in this college.” Mr. Suh doesn’t congratulate you for his grade like he has for every other student who has done well, instead he talks to you in a serious tone which makes you think you’ve done something wrong. Before you can question him, his words cut you off. “Principal Kun has ordered you to go to the Principal’s office. Go.”

You nod silently, ignoring all eyes on you as you walk out the door and towards the Principal’s office.

“Sit down.” He issues you as soon as you open the door to his office, your smile falls as you take a seat, not liking the intense atmosphere in the room. What was it? You were getting serious vibes, you had no clue what he was about to tell you.

He takes one glance at you, before quickly shifting his attention to his laptop and typing away. It was like you weren’t even here. You were about to speak up to ask what he wanted and why you were here but he had beat you to it. “You have two months left here.” He nonchalantly says, not bothering to give you any eye contact or even give you a warning for what was possibly the worst news you had ever received.

You stay silent for a while, your mouth opening wide in shock and your breathing going shaky as you wait for him to tell you that this was all a joke, that he wasn’t being serious and that you were staying. You find yourself too scared and nervous to speak even though you wanted to scream, to shout so many questions and curses but every word was lodged at the end of your throat.

You were furious. What did he mean ‘you had two months left?’ You were here on a scholarship, you had continuously worked hard to obtain decent grades to secure your place here. He catches your confusion and while he doesn’t look at you or even offer consoling words, he places boxes of tissues on the desk in front of you.

“This doesn’t make sense.” You finally find the words and confidence to talk, even though the words were forced and left you dry throated and gasping for air. “I have maintained good grades, I’m a good student, sure I dropped in attainment for a while but I picked that up immediately. This scholarship should be funded, why am I being punished for the college’s wrong doings? This just isn’t fair, this can’t be serious and there has to be a way -“

He finally looks up at you, the disappointment present in his eyes cut you off way before his words can. “You don’t remember?” He questions, his tone sounding half patronising yet half genuine.

You narrow your eyes. “Remember what?”

Now he looked frustrated, fed up even. He takes a deep breath to try and remain calm and chilled out. You didn’t quite realise how annoying you truly were to him. “You don’t remember when you stormed into my office half high and told me you didn’t want to renew the scholarship? You don’t remember when you made the most stupid and impulsive decision, possibly throwing your life away, all because you and your boyfriend broke up?” He questions and suddenly light bulbs flash in your mind. You remembered now, you remembered everything.

You got the impression that he was mad at you for making such an ill thought out decision, his bitter words confirm that. “I can’t believe you let love get in the way of your education, it’s a decision you’ll be sure to regret for a very long time.” He mumbles, in the way a disappointed father would.

When he sees how sullen your eyes look and the way your face freezes, turning fear stricken as you feel unable to move or say anything, he attempts to soften his gaze and seem less angry but it was nearly impossible to do so.

“There’s a way you can reverse this.” He says, watching as your fade lights up immediately and you look at him with so much hope. He sighs, not wanting to give you false hope. “But it’s not easy, it’s gonna be stressful and it’s gonna be like a punishment. You’re gonna have to revise and work harder than you’ve ever done before, it takes 110% dedication to your studies, you can’t risk being weak and having any distractions. College should be your only priority. Yes, it will cause burnout but it’s the only way you’ll ever be considered a place at this campus again. Are you up for it?”

“Up for what?” You ask with curiosity, not knowing what he was talking about, he was talking as if it was survival or death but you nod regardless, attempting to look as enthusiastic as possible, you wanted to make it clear that you were serious about having a second chance, you wanted to right your wrongs.

He sighs, bringing out a brochure and placing it in front of you, it seemed as though he had already planned to give you this information sheet. “Everything you need to know is on there but I’ll go through it. You can stay at this school if you take additional exams and have a pass rate of at least 90% in them. You look nervous? Well you should be. Only 12% of candidates pass these exams, you better hope you’re one of them. If you achieve high in every single one then you’ll keep your place at this world renowned institution in a heartbeat, no doubts about it.”

All you can do in response is nod, you find yourself speechless. The chances of you staying at this college were insanely low. There was a 88% chance that you would be leaving your home in the next two months, leaving behind all your friends and the people you loved. The place you loved so much. The only person you could blame was yourself.

Holding back all the emotions you were feeling, you somehow manage to smile at him and thank him for telling you about this opportunity. The second you have your back turned to him, everything you’ve managed to suppress overflows and comes pouring out. Your face becomes steamed and heavy from how much you find yourself suddenly balling, your breathing becomes erratic and you grip onto the door handle in attempts to stop the world from spinning around you. It becomes heavy as you walk, you find it physically impossible to stay upright and remain balanced, it takes every last will power in you to stay conscious and not to faint. All you can feel is blame and hate for yourself, this was entirely your fault. You did this. You sacrificed your place in one of the world's top institutions all because of stupid, dumb love.

You suddenly freeze when you see who’s sitting on the tables outside of the Principal’s office, sipping away at his drink and typing away at the keys on his laptop. You realise how fully focused he is on whatever he’s working on so you hope to quickly slip past him and pretend as though you haven't seen him, he was the last person who needed to see you break down.

However, before you can even take a step and try to get past him, he calls out your name softly.

Fear runs through your veins, in worry that he’s seen how sad you look but you sigh in relief when you realise he hadn’t made eye contact with you, yet. He was far too engrossed in whatever he was doing on his laptop. You realise you can’t just slip past him and escape, especially after he knows that you’re here so you try and act normal, push aside your emotions and start a conversation with him.

“What are you doing?” You question, instantly regretting how shaky your voice sounded. You didn’t sound yourself. It was okay though because Jeno didn’t pick up on it, if it was Jaemin then he would know that there was something wrong in an instant, the two of you were just emotionally connected in that way.

“I’m just choosing the team for the upcoming match in a few weeks.” He explains, his focus being fully fixed on the laptop as he taps away at the keys, glasses resting at the nose of his bridge. You were glad he was fully engrossed in what he was doing, he wouldn’t be able to notice your sunken state or tear stricken expression.

He decides to continue speaking and explaining in light of your silence. “You know that huge end of the year football match I was talking to you about? It’s coming soon and if I wanna secure my place in the training academy where all the world renowned, professional footballers have trained in then I need to present myself as team captain and star player. It’s gonna be massive - a bunch of colleges from the entire country competing, my team needs to win so I’m picking the best players.”

“I thought that was something the team coach does.” You respond, although you’re not surprised he was taking that role. You know how skilled he is at sport, he’s the player with the most promise and skill the college has ever seen.

“Normally but I’m just too good.” He says with the same unfazed and casual confidence you’re so used to from him.

You find it difficult to find words to respond to him. You try to force a laugh and sound positive, you don't want to worry or alarm him with any tears. He hadn’t noticed that you were upset yet, you believed it would be best to stay that way. You knew that he would be absolutely furious at whoever or whatever had made you upset, if he knew that you were upset, he would already be on his way to beat the hell out of the person who had made you feel this way.

You’re about to turn around and leave, not wanting to put yourself in a situation where Jeno realises that you’re crying but when you feel hands grip onto your hand softly, you realise that he already knows. You weren’t sure when he catched on or when he closed the distance between you both but he was here now, he was always here, he would never let you feel alone.

You try and fake a smile but more tears fall as you see how full of concern and affection his eyes were, you admit defeat, realising there was no way that he wouldn’t know what you were feeling. Your lips turn into a pout as you cover your face with your hands, sobbing quietly into them as you find yourself unable to control your emotions.

“Hey, what’s up?” He questions in the softest and sweetest voice ever, moving your hands from away your face and gripping them in his hands, not allowing you to hide away from him. “Did anyone hurt you?” He questions and you know he’s trying to sound calm for you but you could hear slight rage and annoyance in his voice, obviously directed at the idea of someone making you so upset, the idea of that frustrated him, he would lose all type of chill if anyone hurt you.

You shake your head, feeling flutters in your heart as you see that he would do absolutely anything for you, someone hurting you deeply didn’t sit well with him.

“What is it then? Talk to me.” He says in almost a hushed whisper, voice filled with care and affection.

Then there’s silence for a while, none of you speaking up, you knew that he was just giving you time and making it clear he’d always be here for you whenever you were ready.

You can’t seem to shake the effect that his eyes had on you, they were so full of care and you found it difficult to just ignore your feelings and cave it all inside, something you were so used to doing. He was right there, always waiting for you with a smile whenever you were ready. Would it be so bad if you told him?

You had always held back emotions your entire life, you didn’t share secrets that you felt would be of harm to yourself or to others but that needed to change. You didn’t deserve to feel a heavy weight on your shoulders. You take a deep breath, not realising that you were actually doing this.

“I just had a talk with the principal.” You mumble, he nods, saying that he saw you walk in. You decide to cut right to the chase, not wanting to waste his time. “So you know how I’m on a scholarship here?” You question, your voice breaking as you struggle to tell him everything in one truth, you had to take pauses for composition or else you’d break down completely.

He nods. You don’t miss the way his face whitens, his eyebrows furrowed and his jaw squares. You wonder what on earth he was thinking of, his demeanour had completely changed and it made you wonder if he knew what you were about to say, as if he could predict where this conversation was going.

Little did you know, he was secretly praying for you not to say the words that there was a big possibility of you saying. He wasn’t a religious person but he was praying to every Lord and God that he believed would have ever existed.

“I’m leaving. They can’t continue funding my place here.” You finally admit, your eyes become glossy again as the tears come dripping down. He sighs, the praying was of no use as you said the words he feared the most. You were leaving. The silence after you admit so is deafening, not a single word is spoken. The only sounds are his heavy breathing and your muffled sobbing. For a second you hold doubts over telling him as you fear you’ve ruined everything but you suppress those feelings, although you were still crying and miserable, you felt less baggage now that you had told someone.

An unrecognisable expression plasters his face, a look you’ve never seen on him but when his eyes lock with yours, you watch as familiarity eases back into his expression as he sends you the sweetest smile. He was pretending to be okay for you, as if he wasn’t hurt or shaken up by what you had just spilled.

He doesn’t speak, he hasn’t spoken yet and neither have you. Surprisingly, words weren’t something that you needed in this very moment, just his presence and eyes locked on yours was enough. He leans forward, moving closer to you, you feel his body warmth radiating onto you as he wraps his arms around your back, holding you tight to him. The intimacy is nearly enough to make you forget about the sad reality and indulge into a fantasy, just for a minute.

“When’s your last day?” He breaks the silence. You let out a shaky breath as you can hear how unlike himself he sounds, the energy and life had been sucked out from his voice.

“In two months. July the 21st.”

He locks his jaw, his head finding a resting place gently on top of yours. You don’t see the sight of his expression but you already know it’s stormy, he wasn’t happy, he was frustrated with this situation. He takes a deep breath, trying to speak in a somewhat normal tone. “That’s the day of the match.”

You find it difficult to hold back your tears as you realise your scholarship expires on one of his most important days.

Secretly, he’s thankful for one thing. “At least you won’t miss the match, unless there’s tight timing and you won’t be able to attend because you’ll already have to be heading to the airport. For our sake I hope it’s a late night flight.” He murmurs, thinking it would distract you and take your mind off from this but he notices that you’re crying more. It didn’t help. In response he pets your hair softly and coos softly, the sight of you breaking down broke him inside. “Who have you told?” He questions, trying to distract you and take your mind off from the sadness. He takes you closer in his arms, caressing your hair as he does his best to get a clear answer from you, the feeling of you crying against him broke his insides.

“I haven’t told anyone yet, just you.” You mumble, not even wanting to think about telling the others, you weren’t good at breaking bad news. Just the mere thought of having to tell Jaemin frightened you, it was a conversation you didn’t want to have.

“Just don’t worry about anything until your last day, which we don’t even know for sure will be your last day. I’m sure there’s a way to keep you here, there has to be.” He’s lost for words but still manages to find the words to attempt and console you. His efforts were appreciated.

When he sees a faint amount of hope in your expression he sighs in relief, not knowing what he said could make you feel better. In all honesty, he didn’t believe in what he said, he only said it to make you feel better. He knew that the chances of securing a scholarship in this college were little to none.

“Actually, he did tell me that -“

You’re about to tell Jeno what the Principal said, that you would be able to keep your place if you aced an exam but you cut your own self off when you catch sight of his expression. You furrow your eyebrows when you see his face lock, his jaw stiffen as he breathes in and out heavily in attempts to calm his own self down but it clearly wasn’t working, you could see the deadpan expression in his eyes.

It’s clear this expression isn’t directed at you, he wasn’t looking at you and his arms were still around you, holding you in an embracing way which was a striking contrast to the frustration evident on his face. You turn around in his arms, realisation hitting you when you see who’s standing on the other side of the room, it was clear why he was getting so angry.

She hadn’t said anything yet, she was just staring at you both with wide eyes and a smile you know he wanted to wipe from her face badly. Heejin didn’t need to say or do anything in particular to make Jeno furious, just her mere presence and the knowledge that she was standing in the same room as him was enough to send him over the edge. He hated her, loathed her even. It was obvious he couldn’t stand her.

You’re about to tell Heejin to leave before he could even say anything to her. He wasn’t in a good mood from your news, he would be lethal and you wanted to stop that before it happened as he had the ability to make her cry but he speaks and immediately the atmosphere in the room turns sour.

“Why are you just staring at us like a hawk?” He questions. His tone wasn’t pleasant, it cut throat and immediately wiped the smile from her face. What he said wasn’t even that mean but it was the way he said it, he didn’t have to try hard to let it be known that the feelings he had for her was of distaste and displeasure.

She somehow musters up the courage to give him a sweet smile despite the hard gazed glare he’s giving her, her voice is light and chirpy as she speaks, something that would be sure to send him over the judge. Fake. He viewed her sweetness as fake. He hated fake people.

“Jeno -“

“I’m not interested.” He bluntly cuts her off, wanting her to catch the memo that he couldn’t care less for whatever she had to say, all he was interested in was making you feel better and finishing off this conversation, it was important that he left you knowing you would be okay.

You widen your eyes as she walks closer to him, ignoring every possible sign she should’ve to walk the other way and leave. You facepalm internally, now knowing that this wouldn’t end well. You side eye him, seeing how he’s looking dead straight at the wall, barely blinking as his breathing becomes heavy. This deadly silence was a sign that he was beyond furious.

“Calm down.” You whisper quietly, knowing it wouldn’t be of much help but you rub his elbow nonetheless.

His eyes did soften for a second but it was as though it had never happened when Heejin came close. His eyes were harsh once again. You hated this side to him, you hated how she made one of the kindest people you knew so unfriendly and scary.

She leans forward, a pathetically hopeful looking expression and smile on her face as she goes to look at him. Either she was terrible at picking up on social cues or was wishful thinking but you nearly died with second hand embarrassment when she reached her hand out to him. He just stares at it with a thunderous storm in his eyes, letting out a dry throated and low cackle as she expects him to take her hand for whatever reason. He believed her to be delusional, the thought of him taking her hand was enough to make him want to puke. He would rather rip his own eyeballs out then make skin contact with her.

She leaves her hand up in the air, you couldn’t hide your second hand embarrassment, you were silently pleading for her to save her own sanity and take it back but she didn’t. She sighs, shaking her head amusingly and giving him this playful look. He tuts, not liking that she was looking at him as if they were friends. “Don’t look at me like that, don’t look at me in general.” He murmurs, wanting to keep the talk with her to a minimal.

“Jeno, please. I just wanna talk.” She whispers, it was clear her confidence was low and you felt bad but she really did offer this conversation at a wrong time. Although, there was no way she would know that. She looks at you and it nearly makes you jump. She made you feel small, belittled, even if she wasn’t realising it. You suddenly wish you weren’t just crying your eyes out mere seconds ago because you felt pathetic and weak around her. Every time she looked at you, all you could think about was how she was Jaemin’s first love and that he was able to open up his heart to her, something he could never do with you.

“Shana.” She calls your name out softly, you nod and hum. You were shocked, you were always so used to her speaking with such an evil and inhumane-like voice. “Remember that talk we had? When I said I was trying to change for real and be a better person? Well it’s true and I - I - Jeno - I just was wondering if you had just a second to talk because -”

She cuts herself to catch her breath, her words were stumbled and a mess, she wasn’t her usual confident self. Was that a sign that she was being genuine?

She reaches forward to place her hands on his, it was barely touching his skin but his reaction was immediate. He jerks it away as if it was a wasp, shaking his head at her, a sign for her never to attempt that shit again.

“Jeno, please. Just look at me -”

“Don’t fucking touch me. Don’t you dare try to touch me.” His voice is low, nearly a whisper. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was counting to 10 in his head, something about her made him completely lose his patience and sense of sanity.

You sigh, looking at the way she evidently has a knock of confidence and self worth. You turn to Jeno, a look of annoyance on your rage which he simply ignores. He didn’t feel bad, he would never be able to engage in a civil conversation with Heejin and act as if everything was fine, as if he didn’t hate her. She had also caught him at a bad time, he wasn’t feeling good from the news you had just told him, obviously he would take his anger out on her and wouldn’t feel guilty about doing so.

You sigh and pout your bottom lip when you see a tear fall from her eyes. You felt incredibly sympathetic for some reason, her emotions felt genuine. You knew Jeno didn’t believe that, he believed she was fake and wouldn’t bat an eye or fall for any sign of sweetness from her.

“I’m really trying here. I wanna make things right but how can I do that if you’re not even gonna look at me?” She asks helplessly and you shake your head, telling her quietly to leave. Jeno was stubborn, he had a fixed opinion on her and no amount of convincing or amending would be able to change that.

“Why are you always so mean to her?” You cross your arms and shake your head at him. You couldn’t believe how different he was with her compared to you. It was like he was a completely different person, how was it the same Jeno? He was so soft and gentle with you, his kindest made your heart ponder while with Heejin he was a complete dickhead.

“She deserves it.” He keeps his response short, speaking to you in a low grumble.

You couldn’t believe that you were defending her but here you were. “She’s trying to change for real, I actually believe it. Why do you have to be so mean? She looked like she was gonna cry.” You try and make him feel some empathy but all he does is let out a high pitched, amused laugh.

He can’t believe how naive you are sometimes. “You really believe her?” Jeno didn’t believe a word of her bullshit, he would never trust her. She was a pathological liar, everything that left her mouth consisted of absolute garbage. “She’s full of shit, I don’t believe that she’ll ever be a good person, some people aren’t capable of changing. She’s evil from within, if you knew Jaemin from the time he was with her until their breakup then you’d understand why I act the way I do around her. You’d treat her worse than me.”

You hum, not wanting to admit that maybe he had a point. “That’s the thing, I don't, so it's difficult for me to be able to understand Jaemin sometimes, especially the way the rest of you guys do.” Perhaps things wouldn’t have become so meddled between you and Jaemin if you had understood more about his past relationship. You knew that his past relationship was a huge factor which had shaped him into the person he was today, you just wish he had opened up about his life with Heejin, it would solve so many issues.

“In some ways, you’re lucky not to have known him during their relationship.” He admits something unexpected. He explains before you can even ask. “It was just hard to see him in so much pain after they broke up. I would never want you to see someone you love so much in agony, it was the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed, it felt like I was in pain too.”

The breakup was tough on him, he was sure he wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for the fact that Jeno was constantly by his side. Jaemin relied heavily on drugs after the breakup. It wasn't so bad though, perhaps that was an overstatement but it truly wasn't. The excessive drug and alcohol abuse was something that Jeno could somewhat have under control. Even if Jaemin would hit the living shit out of him for throwing away or hiding all the drugs, Jeno could handle that. He could handle the bruises. The physical marks he had on him were nothing compared to the pain that Jaemin felt both physically and mentally.

The meltdowns and depressive stages were also something Jeno could help with, he could offer his open arms and his shoulder to cry on. He could try his best to make him feel as though he was never alone. That he would always have him. He had never truly left his side after the breakup, Jaemin would always feel thankful for that. He stayed by his side throughout all of it, even though their friendship was under huge compromise and instability when he was with Heejin. Jeno had always hated Heejin and he secretly always knew that it would never end well for the two of them. He didn't say anything though, he couldn't fault his best friend who seemed the happiest he had ever been. So he tried his best to remain civil for his best friend who he knew was happy and in love. Well, Jeno believed that Jaemin truly wasn't happy and in love. He was just blinded by the idea of it but that was a whole other story.

He saw all the red flags that his best friend was too blinded from because he was madly in love. When Heejin broke him and did the worst thing possible, Jeno had seen it coming, he had been proved right yet he never did any of the 'I told you so' bullshit, he was the best friend that he knew Jaemin needed. He was by his side in an instant. They had grown closer in that brief period of time. Jeno would do anything to make him happy again, he wishes it were that easy.

Jaemin was normally someone who never needed help, certainly not from other people. He could handle himself and his own emotions so it scared the shit out of Jeno when he would remember the endless times that he'd find Jaemin crying into his arms.

But what he couldn't help with, what he would always beat himself up for, was the fact he couldn't make Jaemin return from the very dark places he would go to. He couldn't save him. It was far beyond his control.

Ever since the breakup, one of his many ways of healing would be escapism. He would endlessly allow his mind to travel to alternative dimensions and he would become lost in them. The dimensions were never happy places, they would always be dark. He found solace in escaping to places of suffering, it made him feel like he wasn't alone, like someone else was experiencing the void in their hearts and emptiness in their souls like him. Sometimes he wouldn't be alive in the places he was escaping to and that's why he would love it so much.

In the following months to come, he would realise that the escapism truly didn't work. At the time he thought it was making him feel better and less alone but he would find out that it only made him feel worse. The real healing to his heart would arrive in the months to come, in the form of you.

You sigh, pouting your lips and you hugged him and held him close to you. “He’s lucky he had you, anyone would be.”

Jeno nods, fighting back from genuinely grinning. "I could say the same for you."

☆★ ☆

shana - are you guys free tonight??

minju - yeah why

sua - i can clear up my plans

shana - good i just wanted us to have a chill night and watch some movies or something

minju - like a girls night?

shana - yeah i feel like we haven't spent time just us 3 in so long

shana - whenever we try to jeno or taro just come over lmao

shana - i need some time just us 3

sua - awwww bby :(((((((

minju - i can't wait!!!

sua - what movies are we watching? we can never agree

shana - 10 things i hate about you and mean girls

minju - i can never turn down watching those absolute classics!!

☆★ ☆

"That's something Yangyang would do for someone he loves." Sua laughs, resting her head onto your shoulder as the three of you smile at the scene of Patrick singing for Kat on the screen.

You nod, beaming as you think of Yangyang finally being happy and content with the man he loves, the man he's wanted for so long. "He has a big heart, he's precious." You whisper, so glad that he has managed to forgive you. You knew you didn't deserve it, that was showing of his big heart and how much of a good person he was.

Your eyes move down to the ring doorbell camera in your phone, looking to see Yangyang standing outside your door. You would smile at the sight of him, you loved his company but you gasp and stand up with urgency for two reasons. Number one, he should be on his date with Donghyuck right now so what was he doing here? Number two, you could her his sobbing and see the tears stream down his face.

You quickly rush to the door, catching the attention of the two girls who follow behind you slowly. As soon as you open it, your worse fears come true, your met by a heart broken Yangyang, the sound of sobbing is the only thing you can hear, he can't breathe properly, his breaths coming in shallow and broken. He's trying to speak but you can't make it out, the sobbing and sniffling was too loud. Something about Donghyuck, not being geniune, lying, faking his feelings -

The next thing you know is that he's in your arms, holding onto you tightly as he sobs into your shoulder. You hold him back just as tight, bringing him into the comfort of your home. Your hands stroke his hair, trying your best to even out his breathing as the state he was in terrified you. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

A few moments pass by in silence, you understood why of course, he wasn't in the state to think straight let alone speak clearly. He's now sat down on the sofa, Minju and Sua sitting across, both looking with concerned expression. You knew they both wanted to beat the hell out of whoever did this, you saw fury in their expressions as well as concern.

"Donghyuck doesn't love me. He'll never be attracted to me." He confesses with a broken heart, clearly ready to speak up. He looks embarrassed and ashamed of himself, your bottom lip pouts, feeling absolutely terrible for him.

"He only had sex with me that one time because he wanted to make you jealous." He glances up at you, your face falls and mouth opens. What? You felt terrible that you were somehow at fault for this, how many times would you hurt him?

"What do you mean?

"I guess I was like some charity case to him. He only fucked me to forget about you, to get over you, to make you jealous, whatever it was, he fucked me because of you, he didn't do it because he loves me, he probably fucking hates me, he's probably revolted by me."

The tears come streaming down again, his angry streak over as soon as it had barely begun. "How could he love me? Why can't he love me?" He questions in a hopeless way.

"He told me that he'll never feel the same way that I do, that he doesn't like guys. He said that he doesn't wanna ruin our friendship, that I mean more to him than that... How can he say that? Does he know how long I've loved him for? Does he know how being his is all I've ever wanted? But he'll never love me like that, I'll never be enough."

The three of you stay silent as Yangyang speaks, just the mere fact you were listening to everything he was saying was enough for him. Sometimes listening was much more important than speaking, you could hear and see all of his pent up frustration and heartbreak, he just wanted someone to listen to him and understand him, he now had three people doing that. Yangyang had always felt misunderstood, hidden and unheard his entire life, he was sick and frustrated, all he ever wanted was for someone to understand him, to believe in him.

Your heart shattered for him, you felt for him, it was the worst thing when someone you loved didn't love you back. You think of the moment months ago, when the two of you were bonding over your crushes on News Years Day after the party, that memory was beautiful and something you cherished, just two love struck people being so hopeful and happy. Fast forward to now and Yangyang was crying, his story hadn't ended the way he intended, the love had struck him in the heart, sure to leave a permanent scar.

---

Moments later, the four of you bound up watching barbie movies, Yangyang's request. The three of you made sure he was happy as he could be, his mind off of him and the pain, you gave him everything he asked for and wanted, including his choice of comfort movie and choice of takeaway.

You glance over to your side ever so often, not being able to fully concentrate on the film as you feel the need to check up on him. He still looked sad, you could still see sniffling and sad eyes from time to time but when you heard him laughing and saw his beautiful smile, you felt relief in ways you had never felt it before.

The rest of the evening consisted of the four of you badmouthing Donghyuck, you felt terrible but it was the only way to deal with this, perhaps some of the stuff you said was rather exaggerated and cruel but it made Yangyang smile, that was the only thing that mattered in this very moment.

"If only I had someone to take my mind off from it, I need some great rebound sex..."

Your eyes light up, you turn to him with urgency. "I have someone! I remember a few weeks ago that guy, I forgot his name but he's so fucking hot! He hangs out with this older year, the two guys who everyone thinks are dating, like Jeno and Jaemin, but they're really just best friends. Sua, do you know? - "

"San and Wooyoung?"

You nod at her, bursting up from your seat at this adrenaline. "Yes!"

"Well, I spoke to Wooyoung a few weeks ago and he asked me if you were single. He said that you were cute and his type. He's already expressed an interest and liking for you, why don't you go on a date? What's the worst that could happen? Minju and Sua will spy and make sure everything is going to plan."

He nods, a reaction that was so sudden and fast, you certainly didn't expect it. "Set it up." He smiles, wanting a rebound, he wanted to forget about him.

---

"I'm so thankful that you landed this scholarship and that I met you." Yangyang smiles, his eyes glued on his phone and not you. You gave him Wooyoung's number and ever since then, he had been attached to the texting app, his eyes lighting up and laughs leaving him every few seconds. They hadn't stopped texting for the past 2 hours.

You couldn't find the laugh in response, you couldn't smile. You sink back, sighing heavily as you face palm. You think about the scholarship and how you had lost it so carelessly, you look around and admire your favorite people in this universe, your best friends. The moments you have spent with them are ones that you have cherished, the best days of your life, you didn't want it to end.

You owed it to them to tell the truth. "Guys I need to tell you something important." You whisper, your voice so serious that it causes Minju to pause the movie, Yangyang to look up from his phone and Sua's world to stop as she glances at you.

You couldn't speak as the sound of Sua crying rings your ears, she gives you a knowing look, her eye contact strong yet shattered. "You're leaving, aren't you? Your scholarship isn't being renewed." She sniffles, pouting her bottom lip as she looks up at you with a glint of hope in her eyes but when you nod, her worst fears come true.

"What do you mean?" Yangyang asks from beside you, tears threatening to fall down his face again.

You shake your head, not believing how shit you reality was. "I was an idiot and asked for my scholarship to be cut, I was drunk, high and heartbroken when I did it but I can't take it back. The principal has officially cut all fundings and told me when my last day will be, its the day after Jeno's big match."

Sua shakes her head continously, hiding her face with her hands. "No, no, no, no, no!!! I just got you back." Her voice is thin and shaky, as she starts nodding relentlessly.

You stand up, she meets you halfway. You hold her close in your arms, hugging her tight as you both just cried to one another, feeling so hopeless in this moment, nothing was going your way but you couldn't fault that, it was all entirely your fault. Perhaps the best way you could take accountability for the pain you had caused to this group was by moving far away from them.

☆★ ☆

IMPORTANT - i think i reached the word limit lmao it’s not letting me add the complete next section of this chapter here so im just gonna add it here, this carries on from this chapter (it’s the same chapter, just a different post)

READ THE CONTINUATION HERE!!!! don’t miss it

tag list - @mahaechedt @summervelo @prodhyck @nctzen-1905 @bananaxsydeee @runawayreki @mintxiaoco @2-3-t-i i @octoberbby @eneiyri @aedreamzy @wanlore @amaryduh @hunsbaekie @4njmin @xuzixushi @wanlore @ashkuuuu @rosiesluv @rixcity

[onyourhyuck]

Darling, Venom. | Lee Jeno (M)

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Prologue: “Lord, you’re a venomous snake, you haven’t changed one bit.”— “Yeah? You should be careful then, Lee Jeno, because i bite.”

Synopsis: In the billionaire world there is only one rule to follow. Trust no one. Heo Yuri returns to South Korea from the States after five years to develop her rising business, on the way she rekindles with old faces, one being Lee Jeno.

Genre: CEO Romance, Enemies to Lovers, Childhood enemies, Smut.

Releasing SOON!

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DID MISO JUST RELEASE A NEW JENO SERIES? HELL YEAH I DIDDDDDD.

[yutaholic]

beast mode | nct series (M)

welcome to Hel. this city, your hometown, is ruled by heroes and villains, constantly at war with each other for power. here, there is no right and wrong. only loss or gain.

notes: each chapter is a standalone oneshot that can be read separately or out of order. the mc in each part is different. do not read if you are underage or if you are uncomfortable with sexual content and potentially violent scenarios.

disclaimer: the members are just my muses. I don’t know any of them personally and would never say that they would actually act or behave in the ways portrayed in this story.

SAVAGE.

it’s not your typical romantic story. boy meets girl. girl dates boy. boy is a villain. girl is a hero. chaos ensues…

{ coming soon }

MONSTER.

your life is nothing short of idyllic. you have a perfect house, a beautiful daughter and a loving husband. there’s just one rule - never ask Jeno what he does for a living…

{ coming soon }

DEVIL.

you are the only person that knows Haechan’s secret. you’re his best friend since childhood, his ride or die, and unbeknownst to you, the love of his life…

{ coming soon }

WICKED.

all your life you have guarded those who cannot protect themselves so when Doyoung hires you, you have no idea why someone like him would need services like yours…

{ coming soon }

VIPER.

ten years ago, Yuta walked away from a life of villainy to be a husband and father, but when an old enemy comes lurking, he is ready to protect his family by any vicious means necessary…

{ coming soon }

TYRANT.

hate is a strong word, but nothing better describes your feelings for Taeyong, your ex. so when the two of you must team up to survive, you think you’d rather die…

{ coming soon }

hey if you enjoyed this story please consider leaving me a tip or buying me a coffee so I can keep writing. my venmo is leighwashere. thank you :)

copyright 2020 - 2022 © yutaholic (formerly zenyukhei) all rights reserved do not copy or translate without my permission!

[tyonfs]

bitch hunters

huang renjun, lee jeno, lee donghyuck, and na jaemin are determined to have girlfriends by the end of their college years, but that’s easier said than done when they’re known as the biggest players on campus.

GENRES ▸ smut, fluff, crack, college au

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, sexual content (smut), alcohol consumption 

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ hello !! welcome to my nct dream 00 line series that i’m super hyped for !! since i never did anything for my 1k followers milestone…. or 2k…. or 3k…. or 4k…. consider this my 5k milestone ♡ these are going to be like mini fics (around 5k??) so it’s a refreshing break from the long fics :’) the stories are loosely connected but you don’t have to read in order. send me an ask or comment to be added to the tag list! thank you for reading & i hope you enjoy!!

LAST UPDATED ▸ july 12th, 2022

Keep reading

[hyucks-rose]

well-known athletes in their college and respective fields, the members of dream struggle to find love that’s genuine. they play the field of available suitors in attempts to get laid despite their demanding practices and lonely hearts.

content: sports!au, college!au, smut, fluff, attempted humor, bad descriptions of sports, warnings will be different by fic and updated as such in the masterlist and their post.

last updated: july 12th, 2022

ask to be added to the series taglist, my dream taglist, or my general taglist!

Keep reading

[onyourhyuck]

Dangerous Alliance. | l.hc (M) PT ONE.

synopsis; bae sarang looks nothing special on the outside, has black thick glasses and wears her thick black hair in a raw clip. ‘typical nerd’ people would describe her. but when she goes back home bae sarang is a genius hacker with high level of IQ. one day, she ends up hacking into a mafia security breach. Boy, did she regret it because her life was about to change for the worse.

warnings; mafia au, hacker au, smut!! No minors, mature language, mention of bad health, angst is here, enemies to lovers, denial, slow slow slowww burn, bae sarang is a sarcastic bbg and we love that <333, sarang really doesn’t take shit from men LMAO, haechan is an ass, fighting scenes, action is a major genre here because mafia ayo. slight comedy to break the tension.

✧;── table of contents ──; ✧

╭      ⁞ ❏. masterlist to other chapters.

┊      ⁞ ❏. next chapter: part 2 link.

┊      ⁞ ❏. previous chapter:

── ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ ──

“seriously sarang how do you keep getting such good grades! it’s as if you knew what was going to be on the paper.” giselle cries out, it was true, sarang makes sure to visit the school’s test paper website and hack into it. that way she can memorise the answers to the questions and get 100/100 with ease. sarang was always getting good grades without hacking in, but she would rather prefer a 100 than a 90.

sarang jokingly nudges giselle with a pout. “c’mon that’s crazy, i just study and you don’t!” she wasn’t wrong, giselle doesn’t study. she simply prays and hopes it gives her a good grade, relying heavily on two months worth of mind memorisation too.

the two girls were brought back from their lunch to their classes once again, final class and then sarang can go back home to her chambers. as anyone could tell, the girl is a homebody. everyone sees her as this innocent quiet nerdy girl but little did they know sarang true form.

the bus restarting the engine outside the building. sarang left to reopen the apartment door, shutting it close. darkness with barely any light, a large computer set up when entering the girl’s bedroom. long four table set up linking together, four screens aligned on top with one keyboard controlling them all. touch screen as well, sarang can easily make quick decisions by using her fingers. two monitors underneath along with specialised military apps that sarang happened to find three years ago without being caught and found out.

the girl uses fake vpns along protection data from viruses. sarang was unstoppable. the girl evilly grins at the sight of her beautiful computer screens. the school bag was thrown onto the bed farther away, without a care. the young girl taking a seat on the spinny chair, moving forward as she turns the screens on. a bright light incoming.

“hehe let’s see who’s falling to their dooms now.” sarang said while rubbing hands, warming them up. a sudden notification brought sarang to look over to her phone, lifting it she read aloud.

“new Baekhyun album sales, only one in stock left!!”

“WHAT.” sarang gasps as her fingers flop on they keyboard, immediately setting a hacking program to get the album first before anyone. i mean seriously, it’s baekhyun! sarang wants to get her idols album. she has a bunch already but the collection needs to grow.

and she isn’t waiting till tomorrow for a fill up!

the room echoes focused finger tapping on the keyboards along with fast typing, bright green colour of the screen painting the dark room greenish and black with white bright screens on the side. monitor beeping regularly, a good sign sarang is doing fine. the program lettering starting to reveal a morse code.

sarang hums tapping the finger along with the code, trying to figure out the pattern. once doing so, she clogs on. “aha, i found it. double tapping.” sarang murmurs, same syllable being used as double taps to avoid being found out. she grins when the program was loading, she finished.

but then something really caught her off guard.

when looking at the front middle main screen, sarang imagined the album to be there in sight. so why was there a sudden red and black screen with red letters forming? she couldn’t understand. did she hack somewhere else? the monitor began to beep like a wild siren, sarang cussing when the opposite security was reacting like a virus.

the opposite side was being attacked too, not just the main screen but the two above it tackled by the program virus infecting it. sarang pressed the protection data that slowly began fighting the rest of the other screens as she types really fast, putting codes and whatnot to defeat whatever she hacked into.

sarang had no time to dwell on baekhyun’s album if she is under an attack. small droplets of sweat streaming down the side, heavy breathes with pants heard as her fingers curl to cramp but she held it, not wanting to lose. sarang swore this is quite a nasty place to hack in.

it was inflexible, stubborn and most definitely something top secret; she found the fbi servers easier than this. whatever it was, sarang will find out sooner or later.

a sudden stop heard when both programs paused, the green overtaking the red. sarang’s lips widely curve in a cocky laugh. “yeah that’s what i thought! surprise attack? fuck you, i won.” sarang had a little hype ceremony standing up, dancing as well as doing the la cucaracha in middle of her room, far away from the set up table.

the middle main large screen took her to a base security breech. sarang lowers her head coming closer, stopping the dance midway, squinting her eyes with her glasses lifting slightly. she sits back down scrolling around, a sunflower decaying as a logo of the breech.

it was sinister and dark, sarang couldn’t understand what she was looking at. i mean it for sure isn’t baekhyun’s damn album.

“what the fuck, did i hack into some dark kinky pornhub?” sarang groans, Baekhyun album overtaking her worried mind because it’s most definitely sold out now. she rubs the curtain bangs back a little, a really good file name taking the interest.

she grins. “haha fullsun? what file name is that. don’t tell me i hacked into nasa!” sarang commented shifting the mouse to the screen to click the file name. a hint of panic overcoming her body, she should’ve stayed curious.

“this isn’t nasa…” sarang lipped, scrolling down the horrifying pictures. gruesome people dead along with names and lettering.

what did she hack into? the more the screen were to roll down, the worse it got. sarang’s eyes sonic flash back and forth on each screen, she felt paralysed with this information. what the hell did she hack into?

the whole website would start to download to the usb locked in the computer monitor, sarang feels like this sight will need to be captured, it was a gut feeling. the girl quickly grasps the usb once the download finished, leaving the site and programs erasing it off the screen.

she exhales lightly staring at the usb, fingers curling on the surface of the cable. what did she exactly get herself into? luckily the vpn will trace her fake IP address to France, they won’t find her.

a knock on the door brought sarang to be cautiously moving upwards, another impatient knock on the door. sarang could imagine million scenarios of how this could end and who this could be; fbi? Seoul police? Best medical hospital in Seoul? yes she did hack into a hospital once. maybe it’s that weird security breech earlier and they will mince her ruthlessly in front of their sicko friends.

sarang points a taser towards the door as the anticipation killed her. “STAY AWAY DONT COME CLOSER—” the door slowly opens as the taser flickers forward, hitting nothing.

giselle glances at sarang with eyebrow raised. “what are you doing, sarang?” she questions. the girl backs away with a slight scream. “oh holy shit it’s just you! oh my god, why didn’t you call me.”

the taser moves out of sight as she welcomes her friend inside the apartment. sarang closing the bedroom door, she moves giselle to the small open kitchen and living room in one. she sits down humming.

“so what brings you over bestie?” sarang cooed bringing apple juice and two clear glass cups, giselle smirks. “there is a party happening tonigh-”

“no.” sarang midway interrupts, her best friend pouts, she knew the immediate answer but still, you gotta keep trying. sarang sighs. “i hate parties. i like being home.”

giselle curls forward hugging sarang’s one hand, shaking back and forth. “please sarangggg please please please!”

“nope.” sarang states again.

giselle pulls away with a wide smirk. she couldn’t of came without a blackmail present could she? giselle motions sarang’s attention to her as her jacket reopens revealing baekhyun’s newest album release today. “i knew you’d be like this that’s why I came here with a trump card.”

“are you blackmailing me because it’s working.” sarang comments with arms crossed, this isn’t fair!

sarang’s lips fall apart as if it were crumbling mountain, hands reaching to touch the holy album. giselle touch shift it backwards making sure sarang couldn’t touch it, putting a finger in front of sarang tutting back forth. “nahuh, unless you come to the party with me you’re not getting shit.”

she fixes the glasses in annoyance, maybe…going to the party won’t hurt? for Baekhyun she would do anything. sarang clears her throat. “fine, I’ll come with. what time are we leaving?” giselle stands up dancing up and down. “yesss! oh my god holy gods I’ve done it. we’re leaving at eight tonight.”

sarang sighs. “fine, now give me that damn album.” sarang remarks forward with hands out. she really wishes to get that damn album.

“boss someone has hacked into our base and now i can’t enter it without my screen freezing. i feel like she has deleted all our informatio.” the man sitting down frustrated told, the tan man with a white sleeve shirt, black tie and trousers, hair flowing nicely above the eyebrows symmetrically. “find her IP address, I can see she’s using a fake one. disable her vpn.”

“donghyuck.” a guy on the side called out when he pointed to the large live tv screen, a dark room with a bunch of Baekhyun posters on the walls. mark pauses. “I have managed to hack into her camera. she lives in Seoul, do you want me to send down tropes?”

the man smirks shaking his head when the screen became brighter, the sight of two girls opening the closet looking through clothes together. the one with the glasses sticking out particularly. “no don’t send my men down, instead…”

“find information about her such as the name age, work, make sure she isn’t some associated with police or fbi, and listen to their conversation, they look like they’re going somewhere.” donghyuck tells before walking away, he’s going to crush the girl who destroyed his high level security base.

✁- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“please refer from translating, copyrighting and plagiarising my work, thank you!”

╰─▸ ❝ @onyourhyuck has. . . . logged off.

˚ ༘♡ ·˚꒰ᥕᥱᥣᥴ᥆꧑ᥱ t᥆ Dangerous Alliance.꒱ ₊˚ˑ༄

[tyonfs]

netflix and chill (preview)

PAIRING ▸ lee jeno x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ smut, fluff, crack, college au, strangers to lovers au

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, smut, unprotected sex, couch sex, wall sex, everywhere sex, more to be added 

SUMMARY ▸ lee jeno doesn’t want to give up the carefree life of a single man, not tied down by emotional entanglements and commitments. that is, until he sees you smacking a man twice your size with a stack of engineering paper. he kind of falls in love, so jeno does what any normal person does and invites you over to netflix and chill.

EXPECTED RELEASE DATE ▸ in a week 

EXPECTED WORD COUNT ▸ around 5k words

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ i swear i wasn’t slacking on the series i just got too invested in hyuck’s installment instead!! anyways hihii <3 im back n fluffy college boyfriend jeno is here for u guys. part of the bitch hunters series

WHEN JENO INVITED YOU OVER TO NETFLIX AND CHILL, HE DIDN’T EXPECT YOU TO TAKE IT SO LITERALLY. 

He was baffled that he had actually spent the past four hours watching Shokugeki no Soma with you. Maybe it was the fact that they were watching a slice of life anime that made it hard to set the mood, but Jeno assumed you got the hint that “Netflix and chill” had a sexual undertone. He wasn’t going to make you uncomfortable by making a move, though, so Jeno sat back and resented how the anime characters were seeing more clothes coming off than he was.

On the bright side, Jeno felt better knowing that he was at your place and not his. There was a high possibility that Donghyuck would somehow ruin this date or make Jeno feel like he wanted to die. He could almost hear the echoes of his friends laughing at him, and Jeno was certain the lack of action he was getting was making him go crazy.

Keep reading

[winsmoke]

Series Synopsis: Privately self-medicating, the 7 members of NCT Dream are all withering away under the pressure of idol life. Unable to cope on their own, they want something to hold, caress, and squeeze away the stress… a teddy bear of sorts. So the boys decide to secretly hire you, their human teddy bear, to help them out. As they explore your mind and body, you discover and try to confront the problems they’ve been hiding. However one girl can only support seven boys for so long and you can’t be their teddy bear forever.

Author’s Note: This is a 7+ chapter series, I am a perfectionist and also have a life. So, do not expect me to update this consistently. This series features sex, substance abuse, mental health instability, and toxic relationships in every chapter. Be wary of your limitations.

Links: disclaimer • masterlist

Chapters: (in no particular order)

　❥ Pills N’ Potions jisung 　❥ Doped Dreams chenle 　❥ Skins haechan 　❥ Work hard, drink harder mark 　❥ Blue Brained renjun 　❥ Fuck Feelings jaemin 　❥ Sleepless Smoking jeno

[neochan]

HABITS — M.L

Four young men, on their own, learn how to navigate life with their not-so-traditional values and really, really bad habits.

GENRE | bad boy!au, angst, smut, fluff

WARNINGS | dark content, drugs i.e. weed, lsd, ecstasy, coke, alcohol, addiction tendencies, mentions of pregnancy, violence, guns and switchblades mentioned. blood, lots and lots of sex. BUT LOVE! lots of fluffy, fluffy love <3

A.N | in all honesty the fics aren't as dark as the warnings are making it seem! this is something i've been plotting and planning behind the scenes, and since i won't be finishing the college 101 series, i decided to offer this to y'all instead. i hope this can become a big series where y'all send asks for side stories and explanations and spoilers. i want you to love these characters just as much as i do and come to know them like i have.

TAGLIST | comment on this post if you would like to be added!

FAIR WARNING | all the fics are interconnected, and need to be read in order to avoid big spoilers! i will post them according to their timeline, as well as they are in order on this masterlist, aka i'll be posting jaemins first and renjuns second etc.

PAIRING | rich kid!jaemin x reader

SYNOPSIS | after walking in on your boyfriend fucking another girl, you wander aimlessly through the streets of seoul until you slip into a random pub and bump into na jaemin who offers to distract you for the night. not regretting a thing, you hop on his motorcycle and go along for the ride, completely oblivious to the fact that you were making acquaintance with one of seouls richest men. now thrown head first into his crazy and impulsive lifestyle, you find yourself falling for him... but jaemin harbors a secret. one that could destroy everything.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

PAIRING | drug dealer!renjun x reader

SYNOPSIS | there were two things renjun chased after in life — sex and money, and he usually got both, whenever and wherever he wanted. however, when you come knocking at his door looking to buy from him, you don't fall for his antics, making you stick out from his plethora of women. then he see's you at one of jaemins parties, and he feels ... conflicted. he should have never sold to you, especially after seeing how messed up it made you. you did things to him. you made him want to move on from the fuck boy phase and enter a true relationship, but old habits die hard.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

PAIRING | street racer!haechan x reader

SYNOPSIS | haechan runs on adrenaline. he loves the rush; thrives off of it, so when he meets you at one of jaemins infamous house parties and you give him the ultimate rush, he's instantly hooked. unfortunately for him, you slip through his fingers and disappear without a trace until he bumps into you at one of his races. thinking you're there to support him, he's knocked down a peg when he realizes you're there for his rival. guess he'll have to prove himself to you... and he does, throwing you into a whirlwind of racing, sex and drugs. but what happens when he gets addicted to you? are you just becoming another one of his habits?

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

PAIRING | street fighter!jeno x reader

SYNOPSIS | fighting was a strong suit for jeno and having to learn how to protect himself from a young age was the reason why. this lead him to take up illegal street fighting. it was a quick way to make cash and he didn't even have to try at it. it also kept people the fuck away from him. he was content with being on his own — always has been ... until you show up. now he can't seem to shake you, running into you every where he goes. after a while, he seems to enjoy your presence. that is, until you worm your way into his heart and start asking too many questions about his past. now instead of fighting other people, jenos fighting an inner battle, and it might just end up with everyone hurt

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

[neochan]

HABITS — M.L

Four young men, on their own, learn how to navigate life with their not-so-traditional values and really, really bad habits.

GENRE | bad boy!au, angst, smut, fluff

WARNINGS | dark content, drugs i.e. weed, lsd, ecstasy, coke, alcohol, addiction tendencies, mentions of pregnancy, violence, guns and switchblades mentioned. blood, lots and lots of sex. BUT LOVE! lots of fluffy, fluffy love <3

A.N | in all honesty the fics aren't as dark as the warnings are making it seem! this is something i've been plotting and planning behind the scenes, and since i won't be finishing the college 101 series, i decided to offer this to y'all instead. i hope this can become a big series where y'all send asks for side stories and explanations and spoilers. i want you to love these characters just as much as i do and come to know them like i have.

TAGLIST | comment on this post if you would like to be added!

FAIR WARNING | all the fics are interconnected, and need to be read in order to avoid big spoilers! i will post them according to their timeline, as well as they are in order on this masterlist, aka i'll be posting jaemins first and renjuns second etc.

PAIRING | rich kid!jaemin x reader

SYNOPSIS | after walking in on your boyfriend fucking another girl, you wander aimlessly through the streets of seoul until you slip into a random pub and bump into na jaemin who offers to distract you for the night. not regretting a thing, you hop on his motorcycle and go along for the ride, completely oblivious to the fact that you were making acquaintance with one of seouls richest men. now thrown head first into his crazy and impulsive lifestyle, you find yourself falling for him... but jaemin harbors a secret. one that could destroy everything.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

PAIRING | drug dealer!renjun x reader

SYNOPSIS | there were two things renjun chased after in life — sex and money, and he usually got both, whenever and wherever he wanted. however, when you come knocking at his door looking to buy from him, you don't fall for his antics, making you stick out from his plethora of women. then he see's you at one of jaemins parties, and he feels ... conflicted. he should have never sold to you, especially after seeing how messed up it made you. you did things to him. you made him want to move on from the fuck boy phase and enter a true relationship, but old habits die hard.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

PAIRING | street racer!haechan x reader

SYNOPSIS | haechan runs on adrenaline. he loves the rush; thrives off of it, so when he meets you at one of jaemins infamous house parties and you give him the ultimate rush, he's instantly hooked. unfortunately for him, you slip through his fingers and disappear without a trace until he bumps into you at one of his races. thinking you're there to support him, he's knocked down a peg when he realizes you're there for his rival. guess he'll have to prove himself to you... and he does, throwing you into a whirlwind of racing, sex and drugs. but what happens when he gets addicted to you? are you just becoming another one of his habits?

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

PAIRING | street fighter!jeno x reader

SYNOPSIS | fighting was a strong suit for jeno and having to learn how to protect himself from a young age was the reason why. this lead him to take up illegal street fighting. it was a quick way to make cash and he didn't even have to try at it. it also kept people the fuck away from him. he was content with being on his own — always has been ... until you show up. now he can't seem to shake you, running into you every where he goes. after a while, he seems to enjoy your presence. that is, until you worm your way into his heart and start asking too many questions about his past. now instead of fighting other people, jenos fighting an inner battle, and it might just end up with everyone hurt

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

[wooyeohaha]

Criminal Love

Criminals, we treat them like scum, I mean because they are but they're also people with relationships and problems.

A/N: Never done this before so this is kind of new, hope you like it though.

Title - The Joker and his Harley

Pairings - Lee Minhyung × Min Haelee

Summary - "They became the queen and king of SM Town and God help anyone that disrespects the queen."

Status - On The Loose

Release Date - April 18th - 25th

Title - Childhood Sweethearts

Pairings - Huang Renjun × Cha Jiji

Summary - Jiji knew she should have just waited for him but her parents technically forced her, forced her to marry him, forced her to have his children, children she failed to love and take care of, so once her sweetheart came back she was more than ready to leave everything and live the life she always dreamt of.

Status - On The Loose

Title - Follow Me

Pairings - Lee Jeno × Do Yujin

Summary - "I love you, okay, even if you don't. Even if you get arrested, I'll help you get out, please trust me and give me your heart because you already have mine."

Status - On The Loose

Title - Hatred

Pairings - Lee Donghyuck × Im Jieun

Summary - They hated each other, loathed even. They killed the same way, acted the same way and had the same motive, to best each other but they couldn't deny that sex with each other was better than any murder they had committed.

Status - On The Loose

Title - Bonnie and Clyde

Pairings - Na Jaemin × Na Beomha

Summary - "Are you stupid? That wasn't who you were supposed to kidnap." "But she's his wife, that normally drives Mafia bosses insane." "Look, I know I told you to kidnap someone close to him but I didn't mean you should kidnap her." "We've been doing this to all the others what's wrong now?" "What's wrong is that she's not like the others." "I admit she's younger and more beautiful but what's-" BOOM

Status - On The Loose

Title - Sour Daddy

Pairings - Zhong Chenle × Shin Binha

Summary - Poverty can make you do crazy things, like get a sugar daddy, Binha unfortunately falls in this category after her account reached a negative number but unknown to her the man she acquired as her sugar daddy isn't all that sweet.

Status - On The Loose

Title - Bad For You

Pairings - Park Jisung × Jeo Yeomin

Summary - Her father captured some of the most dangerous people in the city, he was one of them but she didn't care even if her father didn't approve.

Status - On The Loose