hey chat how do i tell my professor that i couldn’t submit the assignment in time because i was too busy chronically masturbating until head hurt and pussy throbbed

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@sleeplessincairo
hey chat how do i tell my professor that i couldn’t submit the assignment in time because i was too busy chronically masturbating until head hurt and pussy throbbed
WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD EDWARD CULLEN X READER FICS
so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god
okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post
…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post
God I need to pass everything so I can continue reading smut without guilt
honestly thinking of getting back into writing. (i’m losing my mind over there not being enough jordan li fics. 😭) i haven’t wrote anything in 3 years and nothing on this account (it’s a new account). i’m working full time but truly thinking of writing. (jordan li has truly got me in a chokehold).
can i bite you
only if it's gay and you promise to be weird about it
i just wanna say that as a kid with strict parents reading percy jackson i was so fucking mad at god like why couldn’t i be a demigod running around the usa in an orange shirt & nectar in my pocket with no adult supervision like why did you have to make me real why am i alive
everyone: WHERE WERE YOU
clint: chillax, i was just taking a dump
peter, recoils: ew gross
tony: ever hear of tmi, barton?
natasha, facepalms: are you ever going to grow up
clint: ??? hello??? i’m not allowed to say i was taking a shit? a little stinky poo poo? a kaka? we’ve seen selvig NAKED and me commiting the normal act of excreted bodily fluids is gross?
clint: you guys would have never reacted this way if i had said i was off killing someone or whatever
bucky, thinking:...
clint: and another thi-
bucky: i killed someone
everyone: WHAT
bucky: i say ONE sentence and my therapist starts writing so much in her damn little notepad???? like bitch i just said i wanna kill myself??? calm down
growing up is basically constant nausea and popping anti-migraine pills everyday for breakfast
clint: okay, fine, maybe i did indulge in too much ‘me-time’
natasha: clint, you’ve been missing for 5 years and presumed dead by all members and national authorities only for us to find out you’ve assumed the identity of a vigilante that dispatches and executes criminals.
clint: i’m not in the right headspace to deal with this rn...
tony: kid, i’m telling you. you go down this path...our path...it’s not a long life.
peter: i dunno...steve and bucky are pretty old.
steve and bucky: kid’s got you there, tony.
just want a man who’ll kill people for me
‘my child is completely fine’ your child gets severely attached to everything they watch & create a fantasy for the characters where they’re all happy and wholesome and living together and baking cakes in the aftertoon and having movie nights and braiding each others hair and-
normalize men reading wattpad fan fictions !!! so they finally know !!! how to sext !!! properly !!!
i met a very pretty girl today and her favorite color is yellow and now i’m convinced the sun lives in my heart
so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god
okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post
…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment
likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post