"Can't solve it, can't blend in"

jiraiblogging or whatever

[sleepypeachblossom]

"Today, again, alone, still unsolved, by daylight"

hi my name is kinora! (my main is @kinorabee) im a minor (in highschool rn so dont send nsfw blogs), atheist, he/him, and my favourite things are drawing, video games, anime, and music!

multiple posts i make about are lowk going to be about suicide, sh, having a weird relationship with food, parent issues, school problems, death etc etc. also i swear a lot so if youre fine with everything else but sensitive to that for some reason then idk go away

i am undiagnosed and unmedicated, but through a pretty ok amount of research i believe that i am autistic and PROBABLY have bpd. please be patient with me.

im actually not reallyyyyy looking for close friends on here, i just want people to listen to my peoblems and relate to them and maybe console me! you are MORE THAN WELCOME TO hit the "aww im so sorry that happened to you :(" and like the post, maybe even rb if you relate!!

only anon at the moment is🐝!

also i bitch about my mom a lot. thats what the orange text means

dni paraphiles, racists, homophobes, transphobes, ableists, trump supporters, generative ai users (yes, even chatgpt and c.ai), pro and darkshippers, and all the other basic dni criteria! you guys are not welcome on my page

anyways i think thats all i have to say for now bye :3

[jirai-till]

“Jesus loves you!” okay?? why should I care?? idk him??

[sleepypeachblossom]

my scars are really faded and i feel weird about it. on one hand i'm proud of myself because i haven't cut in a few months because i made a stupid promise to myself or whatever but it almost feels unsettling for most of mine to be nearly invisible at a distance

[sleepypeachblossom]

PLEASE MAKE MY POSTS GET MIRE THAN THREE LIKES PLEASE PLEASE IM LITERALLY GOING INSANE

[sleepypeachblossom]

i miss my real life friend i haven't talked to her irl in like two months at this point and i feel really guilty

[sleepypeachblossom]

I HATE LOOKING LIKE I GIRL AND HAVING WIDE HIPS AND BOOBS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO CUT MY HAIR SHORT AND HAVING A HIGH VOICE IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF

[sleepypeachblossom]

and honestly the worst part is i still want to dress cute and pretty. i still love pink and sanrio and ribbons but if i dress in a way that reflects that i dont think other people will ever see me as a guy. but if i dont and i just fall back into wearing cargo pants and baggy sweatshirts like i did for all of middle school (and kind of the beginning of high school) im not actually being or dressing like myself and still feel uncomfortable. its frustrating.

[sleepypeachblossom]

I HATE LOOKING LIKE I GIRL AND HAVING WIDE HIPS AND BOOBS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO CUT MY HAIR SHORT AND HAVING A HIGH VOICE IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF

[sleepypeachblossom]

kind of really sick of not being told things then blown up at when im unprepared. "you should have known" literally how

[sleepypeachblossom]

new school year coming up in two months 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i will never forget how they looked at me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[sleepypeachblossom]

ive been really into video games for as long as i can remember, but ive never been very good at them. i sit for hours at a time but i never improve. whenever i play with other people i do way worse than everyone else. it sounds stupid, but i feel so fake saying i love rhythm games when i haven't gotten an all perfect in my entire life. im not good at much of anything i dont think

[sleepypeachblossom]

honestly i can tell my secret is going to get out soon. i can hear the clock ticking. its only a matter of time before they find out. i only have a few days. i can prepare and try to minimise the damage, ive gotten pretty good at hiding, but thats not going to make it any better. if anything that makes it worse. ive been lying for so long and i feel so guilty but its not like i could ever tell them the truth. not like this. but theyre going to find out. theyre going to find out soon just because i was a little too careless or not secretive enough.

[sleepypeachblossom]

peaches have a hard and bitter center but still bruise easily. they rot if handled even slightly wrong. many find their outermost layer unappealing. where have i heard that before.

[kinorabee]

also uhh im going to be in london for a little bit so i might not be too active for a little bit! sorry if im slower than usual responding to things!!

[sleepypeachblossom]

i don't hate you. you just don't get it and it's frustrating.

[sleepypeachblossom]

im actually really sensitive and do care about people a lot but im horrible at expressing myself so i end up being rude and it makes it seem like i dislike some people a lot more than i actually do

[sleepypeachblossom]

ive been having a nervous breakdown for two hours i still feel sick theres probably nptjing in my roolm im probably safe its light out now because its almost 5 am and im still too scared to go into a mildly cluttered space what if theres another what if i see another what if theres another centipede or a spider or something else what if i see something else or a lot of them what do i do if it crawls on me what do i do if i see one i cant kill it on my own

[sleepypeachblossom]

i actually saw a centipede in the kitchen and feel like throwing up even though its dead. im so scared what if theres one in my room or the blankets or the bathroom when i try to shower tomorrow or the basement or anywhere they could be anywhere they could be under or behind something and i might just not know what do you mean im freaking out and seeing things that arent there and feeling fake bugs on my skin im so scared this is the some of the most scared ive ever been and my mom is mad because she heard me be scared and called me weak again because i am i cant even look at a bug its been dead for hours and its like 5 am but im too scared to go to bed