Kid Brains

A Firsthand Collection of WTF Child Hilarity

[sleuthgoose]

4 year old, after coming back from the bathroom,"My vagina still has pee in it"

[sleuthgoose]

Me: Can you show me your favorite toy?

-3 year old points to his penis-

  Have no idea how to react. 

[sleuthgoose]

After negotiating for a few minutes, I gave 4 year old Oliver 3 extra chocolate chips on his ice cream.

"Jade, this is the best treat and also the best day of my life"

[sleuthgoose]

8 year old: You dyed your hair? So, you make bad decisions?

[sleuthgoose]

7 year old, throwing a bed time tantrum: You would be a good babysitter if you weren't so mean and fat. 

[sleuthgoose]

2yo sees dog walking down the street, starts exclaiming in gibberish.

Me: Can you say doggy?

2yo: No. 

[sleuthgoose]

Weeds are plant criminals, right?

Josh, age 5

[sleuthgoose]

Rainy Day Revelations

"It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring, he went to bed and bumped his head and didn't....................... That man dies!" -- Wyatt, age 9

[sleuthgoose]

[sleuthgoose]

Duh.

Me: Oliver you are so bright!

Oliver, 4: I'm really smart, too.

Me: 'Bright' is actually another way to call someone smart! 

Oliver: Actually, bright means not dark. I think I am smarter than you.

[sleuthgoose]

Life lessons

Jack, age 8: You look fatter today. 

Me: Hey! That's not a nice thing to say!

Jack: No, Dad says it's good to be honest.

Me: It is, but it is just as important to be kind. It's about finding a balance between the two. 

Jack: You look fatter today, but it's nice. 

[livinglavidavega]

Compliments (?) From A Toddler

A: I’m popular and you’re pretty! Me: oh thank you! A: No. Be sad you’re not popular just pretty.

[sleuthgoose]

I want to make a movie where I am the only human on a basketball team full of dogs

Jack, age 7, after watching Air Bud

[sleuthgoose]

I was spinning Oliver (age 4) around on a computer desk chair yesterday. When I stopped, he got off the chair and said, "It feels like the whole room is flipping over!" and then he threw up. 

[sleuthgoose]

Everett, age 8, had a math worksheet for homework tonight. I asked if he needed help with it and he said no. Hours later, I looked in his folder to check his work, and instead of completed math problems there was a note that said, "This won't come in handy wen I am in the under world and zombs start to utack. I will wip them and thay will disupeer."

[sleuthgoose]

I threw a snowball at Everett, age 8, and he rolled his eyes and said, "Grow up, Jade".

[sleuthgoose]

Grace, age 9, "I know marshmallows are made out of horse faces but I don't care because these rice krispie wreaths are so cute". I have mixed feelings that the activities I choose for my kiddos allow them to feel comfortable eating horse faces, but you're right Grace these are DAMN CUTE.