[lizmitches]

you can be peeling a boiled egg and think to yourself wow. that was so simple. and then you peel another one and it’s like being in the throes of war. shell everywhere. egg mangled. tears in your eyes. that’s how god keeps you humble

[asexualbrigadier]

big shout out to tumblr for being the first major site in like two years to implement an ill-advised "feature" nobody wants, likes or respects that doesn't involve AI

[coffee-without-anesthetics]

never kill yourself . your next apple could be so good it makes you feel like a horse

[winged-void]

elf cuck who watches the course of your entire 60 year relationship

[wizardarchetypes]

i'm so hungry. won't someone use !tortellini to feed me delicious pasta

[verajustsaid]

!cursedoak

[wizardarchetypes]

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image ID: Tumblr post from jame7t on Jul 5, 2024 edited to read: did anyone else have terrible dreams about a gnarled, twisted italian restaurant with one dish more terrible and hateful than all the rest /End ID]

[cleaningouttherooms]

sex is some naked bullshit and food is some crap they found on the ground but online poker is forever

[isabelopaque]

Keep almost quoting this in posts like anyone on earth knows what im talking about

[noxidae]

[VD: Tiktok by @ hj.holland. They say to the camera, "He/him lesbians out here doing my taxes while I plot on my opps to torture them with my newfound particle accelerator." End VD.]

[isuggesttransition]

transition is possible! hrt is possible to get! you do not need to stay this way forever! you can change! you can be whoever or whatever you want!

[sludgebitch]

YOU STUPID FUCKING DICKHEAD!!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE THROUGH THE x10 GATE NOT THE x2!!!! YOU WON'T HAVE ENOUGH MEN!!! IT'S ALL FUCKED!!!!!!!!

[parakeet]

got the bus back home today and it was my fav bus driver, he let me on for free. went to tap my card but he just said 'beep!' and was like on you go. lol. then he nearly ran a red light and slammed on the breaks, almost sending the gaggle of older ladies at the front careening to the ground. he had to slam on the breaks and jolt the whole bus a second time later in the route because of a rogue lollypop man who'd come out because of roadworks. one of the old ladies said 'am glad ave nae got any eggs! ha ha!' and everyone on the bus laughed jovially. kind of a sitcomesque bus journey

[evilwizard]

as any good writer will tell you, there are 7 basic types of story:

rags to riches

man vs man

man vs bee

voyage to meat world

coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb

amateur pornography

evangelion

[yuriwinged]

the prince has begun practicing curtseying in the mirror. which could mean nothing.

[heydocverdant]

we have good news and bad news, my liege. the good news is that we now know what that curtsying was about: you will be pleased to know that, after several heartfelt conversations between your child, the court jesters and a myriad of singing woodland creatures, you are now the parent of a proud and joyful new princess. the bad news is that, due to a series of events related to the dragon-sized hole in her bedchamber wall,

[illmoraineakoi]

I love the insinuation that the second the princess realized she was a girl and thus actually a princess, the dragon was there. That thing wasted no time. It heard "princess" and was like "I need no further invitation, here I come."

Gender affirmed by Dragon. Amazing.

[heydocverdant]

pretty sure you’re literally the only person who understood my vision on this accursed post

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Metahuman with super healing powers whose entire job is that once a week they go to a nearby hospital and are put into a medically induced coma for 24 hours while all their organs and blood are harvested, and kept there until they've healed up again.

They get paid a small stipend by the Heroes Council for this, and they live off that.

No crime fighting, no obvious heroics, and they only took a Super Identity because it's technically hero's council policy. Nobody's ever seen them in a cape.

Every so often the Heroes council will release an official report to the public, and there'll be another bunch of news articles wondering how some unknown super calling themselves 'Meat Factory' somehow consistently holds the record for most lives saved across the city.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

It is essential to my vision that they are not at all sanctimonious about this.

Like, they regularly act like they're getting away with something. They joke about how they get to earn money in their sleep. They show up to their hospital visits in deliberately ridiculous disguises, on the excuse that they need to 'protect their identity'.

Part of their employment contract is that they get served the same post-operation vanilla ice cream that they normally hand out on the childrens' ward. Also a sticker. Their overnight bag is covered in stickers.

[blue-pikmin-gaming]

WHY is there a huge exspolion ebery time i cut an atom in half. is it me? am i th prabelm?

[calm-before-the]

I have evidence that proves Stalin was secretly Québécois

[imanwithoutbowie-deactivated202]

Continue✨ Keep going✨

[beaniebabyenjoyer-deactivated20]

[Video Description: A woman squats down on the ground in a parking lot next to a gray car. She looks directly at the viewer, gesturing enthusiastically as she speaks. She says:

“Are you having a bad day? You are not. You’re a bad bitch. Continue. Is your depression hitting hard? I know. Continue. You can keep going. You can do this. Continue. You can do it. You are a fighter. You are strong. You are smart. And you are wonderfully made. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Keep going. Keep going. You can do it. Continue.”

In the built in captions for the video, the final ‘continue’ is written in all caps and surrounded by heart emojis on both sides. End Description]

[weirdlylyricalnotes]

Her name is Tega Orhorhoro. Here is her YouTube channel:

Tega Orhorhoro

Share your videos with friends, family, and the world

[tlirsgender]

Did you know nonbinary people who were afab and nonbinary people who were amab can have the same genders

[tlirsgender]

Kind of the fucking idea that nonbinary people aren't their assigned sexes, innit