Sex is weird sometimes...

Hey. I'm gonna post things here that are NSFW. Maybe it's smut, maybe it's porn, maybe it's funny smut or funny porn. Who cares? Everyone wins.

[thegingerpowers]

*smiles*

[sluttyrandothoughts]

Very good prostate massage

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AHHH! I found a new favorite couple! This was so hot and they are adorable. 

[honestground]

I was halfway through writing this and thinking it might be ill-received but then I got this message and now I have no excuse not to post it. Fair warning that this may not be to everyone’s tastes and yes that’s a double entendre. Postgame BotW, 1,700~ words, NSFW. 

To answer your question, anon: Link doesn’t let himself feel mad or disappointed—he just gets down there and finishes the job.

giving

When it comes to the physical aspect of their relationship, Zelda is almost embarrassed to admit that it might be a little one-sided.

To say that Link is a selfless lover would be something of an understatement. He’s altruistic in so many aspects—a giver almost to a fault, and he’s no different when he takes her to bed. He’s thorough. He’s diligent. He’s toe-curlingly meticulous. He’s reluctant to let her do any of the work, so set on giving he’s hesitant to simply lie back and take it, so focused on her pleasure he’s almost indifferent to his own.

There are occasions where she’s able to pin him down—when she works him into a frenzy with her hands and mouth before pushing him back on the bed—and Zelda can understand the appeal of giving. There’s something about having that power, about knowing how a caress here and a touch there will have Link completely at her mercy, and she relishes in that knowledge, in the satisfaction of a well-timed roll of her hips that has him bucking and writhing and—

“Zelda—Zelda, fuck—”

Keep reading

[sluttyrandothoughts]

We’ll Try It Out

No names so you can pretend the guy is whoever you want! :P (??xFemale Reader)

"Say ‘Daddy, I want your cock’. Or-” He cuts himself off with a laugh. Then, he’s licking his lips and smirking, “Say ‘I need your cock.’”

Did he have to put on a voice? You wouldn’t whine like that. You pout. ...Okay, yes, you would. “You’re enjoying this too much.”

His smirk only grows. “You want me to pretend I’m not into it?”

His hands play up and down your sides, skin on skin reminding you how naked you both are, fingertips pushing ever so slightly into your hips. He’s holding back. Barely.

You roll your hips forward, pressing yourself against his hard cock. “I thought this wasn’t “your thing”...?”

He closes his eyes, enjoying the feel of you. One hand makes its way up to your hair, gentle at first, then it’s fisting in your hair and yanking you forward. His breath beats against your mouth. You think he’s going to kiss you, but he holds you just out of reach. “Shut up and suck Daddy’s cock.”

The name sends a thrill though you and you move to your knees. You move forward. He stops you.

“Ah, ah,” he chides. The head of his cock brushes against your lips while he lazily strokes himself in front of you. That smirk is back. “You know what to say.”

You can feel your face heating up. You’re the one who brought the whole Daddy kink up. Time to sink or swim. “Daddy… I need your cock. Please, Daddy.” You really do whine.

“Fuck,” he curses breathlessly. His strokes speed up while you beg.

“Please, let me suck your cock. I want to taste you, Daddy. Please... Daddy, I need you.”

He pulls your head forward, groaning as your mouth wraps around his cock. “Yes… Fuck… Such a good girl.”

You moan around him and you hate that he instantly catches on.

He groans and maybe he’s hamming up the sound, but that doesn’t change what it does to you. “Hmm… That’s right. You’ll be a good girl for Daddy.”

You whine and can’t help but wiggle your hips. Your pussy is aching for attention. Two can play at this game! You start stroking his cock with one hand and teasing the tip of him with your mouth. You work your way down to play with his balls, taking one in your mouth.

The hand in your hair spasms, tight, then loose, then tight again. “Oh, fuck… Don’t stop.”

Your lips slide up the side of his cock, your tongue helping get him nice and wet. God, he could slide right into you now. You moan, taking his cock in your mouth, feeling every inch intimately, imagining what he’d feel like inside your pussy.

“You like sucking Daddy’s cock?”

God, yes. You’re too busy doing just that to answer, so you hope a moan satisfies him.

“You like the way my cock feels, filling up your mouth?”

You take the tiniest break to gasp out, “Yes.”

“Just yes?”

You pause to look up at him. He sounded... disappointed? Did you say something wrong? How? Yes is good.

He takes your chin in his hand, swiping a thumb across your reddened lips. Then he watches you, his head tilting to the side. “Yes... what?”

Your toes curl. “Yes, Daddy.”

“Good girl.”

That seriously isn’t fair.

[nikest]

date someone whose voice can make you calm… or wet… or both

[sluttyrandothoughts]

[abbiegay-deactivated20210523]

Fun fact: There's nothing fucking hotter than neck kissing and whispering in my ear exactly what you're about to do to me

[sluttyrandothoughts]

How I choose my porn...

Me: *mouses over video* ...Wait! Was that motherfucker wearing glasses?!

[sluttyrandothoughts]

Yet another personal post! Do any of you have suggestions for sex toys?

I’ve never been big on toys. I bought my first a couple years ago and it was okay. It was this one. (Not from this site thought. I forgot that part.) But I figured out that I do NOT like all the ridges. It felt fine inside, but thrusting it make the ridges rub me the wrong way. I think they were too dramatic if that makes sense.

Anyway. I’m in the market for a different one and if anyone has any favorites they’d like to point out or any suggestions, please feel free!

[sluttyrandothoughts]

I recorded myself masturbating to post on r/GoneWildAudio BUT I can’t post that shit!

Number 1) I hate how nervous I sound/am because I want to be some confident seductress, dammit!

Number 2) I know somebody I know is gonna find that fucking shit and I’m never gonna be able face them.

Number 3) I am fairly damn certain (like 95%) that the boyfriend would NOT like me posting such things.

Doesn’t matter anyway because the only way I could even stop being nervous enough to allow myself to cum was knowing I never have to post it. And I don’t. It’s great.

I don’t hate the way I sound or anything, but like... the thought of other people listening to me???? It’s hot when it’s a fantasy and never going to happen, but like... as a reality? Can’t cope. Can’t do it. 

And that’s the thing about fantasies. Not every fantasy you have is something you’d want in reality. That’s coolio. I accept that. I know my limits. I might like the idea, but not the application, and that is perfectly alright.

I just recorded myself because I’ve literally never done that before and YOLO! You know?

[sluttyrandothoughts]

[M4F]It Takes All Kinds [BFE] [Large Labia Appreciation] [Cunnilingus] [Cumming on Pussy Lips] [Gentle Mdom] [Sweet + Dirty]

This audio hit things I didn’t even know were weak spots for me! I absolutely LOVED it! Lots of “good girl”s and praise and I melted!

And not to get too personal, but I actually do have a larger labia and hearing someone be super into it made me feel really nice. If you had asked me if I was insecure about it, I would’ve said no, but then I realized listening to this that ain’t NOBODY in my life talked about my pussy like that! 

Yes! Thank you, sir, for your contribution to society.

[karleekue]

How horny you get when you’re on your period is the biggest scam

[gentlemanswitch]

Official Post from Qarnivore: "Not even the gods can keep me from taking what's mine..."

“Not even the gods can keep me from taking what’s mine…”

[beanybabie]

To the big girls who hate how they look during sex

1. You’re sexy

2. Your pussy be banging

3. Titties on fleek

4. Ass be bootilicious

5. If you were ugly you wouldn’t be fucking

Get that orgasm girl.

[sluttyrandothoughts]

I need “Titties on fleek” on a shirt.

[daveydiscoballs]

[dirtythingsthatturnmeonposts]

Never lose track of the fact that, regardless of your role in a bdsm relationship, all of the above goes both ways. Always.

[bullydogblog-deactivated2024080]

Link, I think you might have to give up and go find more staminoka bass, my man.

[gentlemanswitch]

So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because he found me listening to your audios

woooohh it’s mr steal yo girl-by-causing-your-boyfriend-to-terminate-the-relationship-voluntarily

[sluttyrandothoughts]

This actually makes me really angry for the girl. Oh, what? That guy has never watched porn??

I’ve shown my boyfriend audioporn and he’s just plain not into it. Me? I am very much so. I don’t lie about listening. My bf playfully teases me about it. I’ll tell him what I particularly liked that the guy said or how a girl reacted. Then, mysteriously when we’re messing around in the future, he might whip out a similar line and I melt and I die and it is amazing.

This jerkwad dumped her?

I don’t know you, nonny. I don’t know if you’ll even see this. But fuck your ex. He’s an asshole and doesn’t deserve you.