The Prince of Fishs Place of Stuff

this is a local blog for local people. theres nothing for you here.

[smexyblood]

Late

the world is cluttered like a bus schedule.

everything is either late or comes before and after you need it and its always in groups.

unless, of course, that would be beneficial to you.

when stand by the stop,

i watch.

i wait.

nothing comes. its hopeless.

all it takes is to turn the opposite way to realise it was there for me all along.

it isnt anymore.

its gone.

im too late

i stand at the stop and i wait,

nothing comes.

i cannot see what comes for i an blind.

nothing happened to me

so i guess i was born this way.

born to fail.

born to fall.

born to feel,

unless, of course, that would be beneficial to me.

always too late to late to see,

always too late to board.

always too late for you.

[in a rare state where my misery, fury and apathy have come into a balances harmony i was able to write this. hopefully its at least somewhat better than my other poems.]

[smexyblood]

theres this months crock of shit, im going to sleep now.

[smexyblood]

fine.

im fine.

youre fine.

everything is fine.

the pursuit of happiness is going fine for me so i hope its fine for you.

although everything playing out the same it was fine before and it still is because it isnt new.

i like the fine way things are and im not going to change.

the fine things i say end where i leave them and i dont pass my range.

im too fine to stay here, i want to go.

i wish i could more times than im willing to let you know.

but its fine.

i dont really care about much now.

[smexyblood]

Roadkill

its funny that the number of corpses present around me usually seems to change depending on how i feel.

the lower i get the more dead animals find their final resting place by my feet.

as this happens i like to watch.

i like to think.

what is it like to walk the road to eternity as you reflect upon the wrong doings of your life only for it to be followed up by nothing?

this happens so much i started taking note of every time it does.

every time it eats its way into me a little deeper, forever reminding me that no one should think this way as much as i do.

i dont feel special, i dont feel unique.

im not.

like many others im the same dull and overdone mess that no longer has anything interesting to say.

how i long to drift away.

i want to escape from this and ill take a great length to do so.

[smexyblood]

A Letter To Oneself

Grab a stick,

light it up,

take a drag,

forget.

Thats all you ever do,

you try to forget.

When you let yourself remember,

your brain melts.

Your actions are intolerable,

your thoughts are inhuman.

Its all you

but you wont accept the blame.

So you forget.

You drink,

you smoke,

you stroke the glass that fails to hold its shape.

You dare not remember the things you do.

Fuck you.

[smexyblood]

i just wrote a poem to let out how miserable i am right now and why but my phone crashed and deleted it all the second i finished. i suppose that proves i dont deserve an outlet.

[smexyblood]

playing dungeons and dragons with my friends and it turns out my character has spells that grant him the ability to change his eye colour, make a random loud noise, raise the volume of his voice, produce harmless tremors and to create and destroy water. theres nothing special about this water but creating it can have its uses. i cannot think of a single situation in which his ability to banish up to ten gallons of water from this plain of existence will ever come in handy but ill use it whenever possible.

[smexyblood]

just a little something to ease the drilling sensation in my skull

unhealthy thoughts are easy to think. they force themselves upon you, tightly gripping your mind. to pass away would keep me from more than it reveals and yet i find myself at the same spot. nothing satisfies. nothing brings me close enough to a genuine lasting joy. im fit to burst and im only being filled further with displeasures being forced down my glass bottleneck. ill shatter soon and ill cut those around me. maybe. perhaps ill go and no one will think twice about it. id certainly rather they didnt. i certainly think they wont. artistic expression is the best way to relieve yourself but that is not always possible. neither is talking it out if you lack someone to talk to and the ability to talk to anyone. and yet i find myself at the same spot. vomiting words online to make it a little easier without having to directly burden anyone. i hate it but its a mild convinience.

[smexyblood]

september

this has been a bad month, ive been a bad person. i am a bad person and now i have more proof. the month has yet to end and so does the time i will carry my shame. as the wheel of time causes the month to change i too must change. the excruciating process of self improvement will be worth it if im at least slightly better at any point after now. ill take some solace knowing i tried if i fall short of a victory. i wont let myself forget what i learned from september. i wont forget the effects of my actions. ive run out of chances, i didnt deserve any to begin with. for now all i can do is try to get better and accept the distancing and decay i have caused with my ignorance.

[smexyblood]

minor flooding is cool, if only i got to experience it more often. i had a fun time jumping over the puddles with my dog whilst it was happening though.

[smexyblood]

google is not helpful

it makes me sad to see depression help services when i specifically request that google helps me feel shittier. i suppose thats somewhat ironic.

[smexyblood]

my mother asked me if i had chicken scratch on my arm, in confusion i retorted that it was man scratch. never give up an oppurtunity to label whatever the thing you are doing is as manly.

[smexyblood]

i have seen the emoji movie now

i can honestly say every time i wanted to hurt myself before now i should have just watched the emoji movie. whilst it isnt the worst movie ever for its content it is on the premise alone. no other movie can make you feel like shit for feeling like shit.

[smexyblood]

i dont appreciate how nicely i was told i could add a title if i want one

sometimes i want to rest my head on someones shoulder and tell them how much i hate myself. i worry ill run out of ways to say it and become as tedious to listen to as one would expect themself to be when doing this. reading a thesaurous sounds like a good idea.

[smexyblood]

im quite pleased to have found this suit jacket in my grandfathers cupboard and inherited it shortly after. although it still confuses me that it fits a navy style despite the fact he served in the part of the military that worked on land.

[smexyblood]

heres something happy that doesnt put me down for a change of pace today. here is my dog. she is very stupid. she really likes eating dirt from a specific ditch in my local dog park.

[smexyblood]

i saw a bird today. decaying by the road. i looked at it for a short while and pondered whether it died with a purpose. whether it did something with its life. whether it made its life count. then i thought about why it died. how could a bird die and remain so intact. its almost as if it decided to sit there and die of old age. i was as confused as the people around me were concerned about the man staring at a bird cadaver. the weirdest part about the whole experience was that i remembered that last time i felt the way i did today i saw three dead birds. the puerile thought that the way i felt had any sway over the lives of others amused me for a short while before i left the bird be.