we're speeding through red lights into PARADISE 'cause we've no time for getting old mortal bodies, timeless souls cross your fingers, here we go oh, oh, oh and when the LIGHTS start flashing like a photo booth and the stars exploding we'll be fireproof +var fhs = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id = "5330138"; var ref = (''+document.referrer+'');var pn = window.location;var w_h = window.screen.width + " x " + window.screen.height; fhs.src = "//s1.freehostedscripts.net/ocounter.php?site="+fhs_id+"&e1=&e2=&r="+ref+"&wh="+w_h+"&a=1&pn="+pn+""; document.head.appendChild(fhs);document.write("");
āthe countdown to twenty-three has officially begun. soaking in the last few days of being liked, because according to blink-182 iām doomed for the next year. anybody up for a t-swift karaoke celebration some time before next friday?ā
āiād sayĀ āhappy birthday, old manā --- but youāre younger than me, so it defeats the purpose ... if iām older than twenty-two, would i even be allowed at the karaoke celebration ? youāre making me feel ancient, tuck. respect your elders.ā
āāhey!Ā have you seen a guy come running past here? tall and bald?ā her questions are spoken through pants and she doubles over in an attempt to catch her breath. āfucker ran off without paying. some of my best work, too. fuck.āĀ
ātall and bald ?ā harrison looked around him for a moment, trying to recollect.Ā āyeah, actually --- just did. he went down towards the school ... damn, did he really ? thatās horrible. i could help you look for him, yeah ? thatās pretty fucked up, mm.ā he frowned.Ā ādoes this happen to you ... a lot ?āĀ
iāve written this letter thousands of times in my brain, but the words never quite flow the way iād like. but how do you find the words to finally admit the truth, when youāve been hiding for so long? itās daunting. iāve written this letter thousands of times in my brain, started it hundreds of times on paper, and actually finished it once. maybe twice. but given it to you? zero times. this time will likely be no different.Ā
youāre six, now, and you light up my world the way no one else can. beccaās suspcious, she questions the way i look at you with twinges of regret hiding in the wrinkles of my face, the way i hold you up on my shoulders and squeeze your hand in that protective way that only a parent really understands, or can provide. she knows that she remembers when luke was born, visiting mom in the hospital, his tiny red hand wrapped around her thumb when she first said hello. but you, she told me one time, before i reassured her that she was just overthinking things --- you just came into our lives on day. she doesnāt remember mom being pregnant, which, smart girl. the rest of the family doesnāt seem to realize the inconsistencies.Ā
i wonder if youāve ever come close to putting it together. i canāt imagine why you would. instinct, perhaps.Ā
iām your father, tim.Ā
i donāt regret you. iām not ashamed of you. i was a dumb kid and iām an even dumber man. thereās no way i can conjure up an explanation thatās both satisfying to you and able to justify my unjustifiable actions. i was eighteen years old with big plans and fear pulling on my heartstrings. your mom was headed halfway across the world for school, her plans outweighed mine and as much as i know she wished she could stay for you, for me, she couldnāt. we came up with this plan when she had pregnancy mind and i was baked. maybe. probably not --- those are just excuses. the stupid kid i was didnāt know you yet, i wanted to be able to leave and go see the world if i needed to. and when i decided to stay, i didnāt want you to be ashamed of me.Ā
from the moment you came into this world i fell in love with you. youāre a crazy kid sometimes, occasionally even a bit of a troublemaker. but you keep me grounded. you remind me why iām here. you createĀ worlds in your mind and throw paper airplanes across your classroom. you finger paint in my bedroom and you love peanut butter and jelly. youāre a person, now, youāre my son.Ā
i donāt know how many more āparent teacher conferencesā i can sit through while the teachers stare at me with a strange mix of admiration and pity in their eyes, thinking that theyāre looking at a man whoās just trying to help his mother out because sheās too busy.Ā
i donāt know how many times i can tell you to go to your room when youāre being rude to your siblings and hear you sayĀ āyouāre not my dad harrison, youāre just my big brother.āĀ
i canāt watch your t-ball games knowing that when i sweep you up off your feet after you make a big play and ask if you want ice cream, youāll say yes because you love spending time with your older brother. your big dopey older brother, the one who shares a bond with you thatās closer than the bond he has with the rest of the kids you call your siblings. he loves you, you love him and heās one of your favorite people in the world. it kills me that you donāt think of him, me, as your dad. as the first one to crawl into bed with when you feel sick because heās your dadĀ and heāll know what to do to make you feel better.Ā
i want you to know the truth. but iām afraid you will never forgive me.Ā
āa common misconblah, fuck off. thatās so annoying ā fuck black raspberries, i wanted to be right. whatās the point of havinā them anyways ? i feel like they probably taste the same anyways, at least in ice cream anā thatās the only place where they fuckinā matter, lowkey. nah, you donāt understand ā i canātĀ take the L on this oneĀ ācause steve sucks and i want him to go to hell. literally, fuck that guy ā¦ i canāt have him holding this shit over my head, yāknow ? sliders are stupid. period. just push aside your commitment issues and eat a whole fucking burger, man.āĀ
āhey -- itās not me, just life. you can sayĀ āfuck black raspberriesā all you want, but that isnāt going to stop them from existing. you might as well just accept that steveās right, because i doubt that biting his dick off would end up being as satisfying as you think when you end up in prison and canāt even eat black raspberry ice cream. what did he ever do to you ? itās kinda mean of you to just want him to go to hell if you donāt even have a reason behind it. and sliders arenāt stupid ... just because you donāt like them doesnāt mean other people can. just ... calm down, alright ? i get where youāre coming from but you donāt need to be so mean about it. just chill out, itās fine. i wonāt tell steve if you donāt want me to.āĀ
ādude, no offense ā but isnāt black raspberry just blackberry ?Ā steve over at the seafood counter today tried to tell me that black raspberries actually exist, and i was honestly ready to bite his fuckinā dick off and sell it as a micro-sausage in my next sub. i mean cāmon. that guy eats sliders, man the fuck up and eat a real burger steve.āĀ
āitās a common misconception that theyāre the same, but nope. black raspberries actually do exist. i could google it for you, if you want ?Ā i donāt know. but yeah, they just look like raspberries but black ... theyāve got these white little hairs and shit all over them, and theyāre kinda hollowed out in the middle. although iām not sure about your history with steve ... i think youāve gotta accept that heās right about this one. -- and whatās so bad about sliders ? yeah, theyāre a bit wimpy ... but theyāre kinda cool. you can get some variety instead of committing to just one, single burger.āĀ
ā have you ever been so busy you feel like you havenāt breathed in like a week? thatās me right now. iāve been taking all these crazy non-stop shifts at the rink, on top of kiddie lessons, on top of cat-sitting for ms. walker. plus ā the cherry on top of theĀ āon topsā, iām soĀ nervous about everything. like every single thing i encounter. i really need something, to like, take the edge off. suggestions? āĀ
āyikes, that sounds horrible.ā harrison grimaced.Ā āmaybe just smoke some weed ? or like, take a bath. i donāt know --- shit like that. take someĀ āyouā time, watch a movie and eat some ben & jerryās or something.ā he shrugged.Ā ājust relax, take care of yourself.āĀ
āof course the first thing i did when i got back to Amber was order a large plate of fries at the nutty diner. i mean, these fries are the pinnacle of this town. if i could marry a food, it would have to be this. sorry, iām not tryinā to keep droning on about food, but the plane back here was so long that itās ALL i could think about.ā
āwait, wait ... rosie ? long time, no see ... welcome back, i. uh. howāve you been ? true, about the fries. theyāre amazing. definitely an amber springās icon. if weāre talking about food that are worth marrying, though ... i think grilled cheese should make the list. or pizza, but not slice of heaven pizza --- never in a million years.āĀ
ā a thirteen year old girl came into words today to buy a copy ofĀ ā fifty shades of greyĀ ā. iām both seriously disturbed as well as - continuously - ashamed of mankind. the only upside to all of this is that the truly great writers arenāt alive to see the downfall of literature. āĀ
āthatās----bizarre. i was there once and i heard one of your employees talking about how youād sold out of lolitaĀ again... what is withĀ amber springs ? is it something in the water ? if so, iām sure glad i have a well. --- true, thatās always an upside. yeah thereās some good work being published .. but it definitely isnāt the same.āĀ
āI took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and damn, am I getting rather round. Iām turning into a donut. Time to go on a DIEt. Whoās with me!? Iāve got some lovely healthy juiceāā He took a sip and tried to keep his facial expression straight.Ā āMmm. Delizioso! Maybe Iām better off being fat.ā
harrison eyed the guy, raising an eyebrow in bewilderment.Ā āi mean, iād have to disagree--but if you want to focus on being healthy, all the kudos to you.ā he shrugged, still confused.Ā āyou donāt need to gulp down healthy juice all the time, though? just eat better, i guess. or focus on getting more exercise.āĀ
nora: of course, the more the merrier, let's have a huge high school musical karaoke party
harrison: i know i know :)
harrison: sophia and rebecca will definitely be up to it. sophia just watched them for the first time recently and is obsessed. rebecca just loves anything which reminds her of her childhood at this point. emmaline will be harder to convince since she's pretending to be in that "stage"... but she'll love it once we're there
harrison: ok. i didn't mean to type that all out. but just roll with it
ā so, iām writing a book ā i knowĀ ā oh wow, the trophy wife writes ? didnāt even think she could read. āĀ save it. the book, however, itās about this boy ā this horribly manipulative boy named tony, and he has a best friend named charlie. charlieās mental health is slowly declining, and tony acts like he knows charlie better than charlie knows himself, but he just makes everything worse. he takes what he knows will hurt charlie and uses it against him. then, their other friend, marcus, that tony is straight up abusing but wonāt even admit to it and blames marcus for it all, or blames circumstance. and then, finally, thereās annie, whoās only known tony for a couple of months, and while her opinion on him has always been shifting, she finally learns how horrible and manipulative tony really is. so, marcus, charlie, and annie all realize the harm tony does and begin to block him out. but, literally as soon as this happens, tony runs away. what i canāt figure out is, what happens next ? ā
āhang on--let me think. alright, okay-- can i say, first, that your book sounds really interesting? the plotās unique but also intriguing. i donāt know, that sounds pretty kiss-ass but youāve got me hooked. as for what happens next? it depends on what kind of book you want. if itās a happy one, than youāve got to find a way for tony to somehow learn the error of his ways. if not, than you can find a way to make it so that heās punished for it, or just never is reconciled with his friends. i donāt know... i feel like there needs to be something big which happens next, it canāt be to tony though because i feel like you canāt have tonyās friends forgive him, it needs to be him realizing what heās done. does that even make any sense at all? i feel like iām rambling... also, um. do people really think you canāt write just because they view you as aĀ ātrophy wifeā? thatās horrible.āĀ
